1. Hey, Angela,Copy !req
2. you wanna see
a picture of PhilipCopy !req
3. wearing those little
booties you got us?Copy !req
4. So cute.Copy !req
5. Hey, you guys wanna see a picture
of Gerald wearing galoshes?Copy !req
6. He refused to go out in the
rain until I bought these.Copy !req
7. Now, going out in the rain
is all he wants to do.Copy !req
8. Oscar thinks having a dog
is just like having a baby.Copy !req
9. News flash,
if you didn't carryCopy !req
10. it around in your
belly for nine months,Copy !req
11. it isn't your kid.Copy !req
12. Exactly.Copy !req
13. Unless you adopted,
of course.Copy !req
14. That is where we disagree.Copy !req
15. Hey, are your little
dudes crawling yet?Copy !req
16. No. Three-month-old
humans don't do that.Copy !req
17. My Philip is crawling.Copy !req
18. Angela is such a liar!Copy !req
19. It's maddening!Copy !req
20. Exactly, that's just
like crate training.Copy !req
21. All night long.
All night long.Copy !req
22. Well, count yourself lucky.Copy !req
23. Wait until you have two.Copy !req
24. That's two sleep schedules,
two naps that don't coincide.Copy !req
25. I mean,
you'll never sleep again.Copy !req
26. No one said
you must have two.Copy !req
27. Like her genes
are so important.Copy !req
28. The world just needs more Pam-Jim DNA.
Thank you, no.Copy !req
29. No, thank you.Copy !req
30. Check this out. My brother
just got a new sailboat.Copy !req
31. He has no idea what he
just got himself into.Copy !req
32. There's nothing harder
than taking care of a boat.Copy !req
33. Am I right?Copy !req
34. Unbelievable!
Unbelievable!Copy !req
35. Unbelievable!Copy !req
36. It is the end of the day.
It is the end of the week.Copy !req
37. We managed to fill
40 hours, somehow.Copy !req
38. That's not bad, is it?Copy !req
39. That's great.
Pretty good.Copy !req
40. Well, thank you,
this is very helpful feedback.Copy !req
41. Dwight, I am still not
ready to name the V.P.Copy !req
42. That's not what
I was gonna ask.Copy !req
43. Gosh, you jump to conclusions!Copy !req
44. Come on, I know. You've got
so much on your plate,Copy !req
45. it's right now you're like,Copy !req
46. "Oh, what's more important, Dwight's
question, figure out who's the V.P.Copy !req
47. "Dwight. V.P. Dwight. V.P."Copy !req
48. Dwight. V.P. Dwight. V.P.Copy !req
49. I can't be hypnotized, Dwight.Copy !req
50. I tried it.
I ended up smoking more.Copy !req
51. Can we at least eliminate those
that are not in the running?Copy !req
52. Free them up to focus
more completely on the menial.Copy !req
53. Like stacking
and sorting, or...Copy !req
54. Catching butterflies?Copy !req
55. That's a hobby.
Unless it's for food.Copy !req
56. Theater.
A waste of time.Copy !req
57. Dragging?Copy !req
58. That's just a verb.Copy !req
59. Dragging sticks.Copy !req
60. Yes. Nice. Perfect.Copy !req
61. Dragging sticks...Copy !req
62. All right, I'm gonna eliminate
three people right now.Copy !req
63. Okay? Just. You three. No.Copy !req
64. Not good enough.Copy !req
65. English people's main use today
is judging American talent.Copy !req
66. "You're crap.
You're wonderful."Copy !req
67. They're mean,
but they're incisive.Copy !req
68. Everyone meet in
the hotel bar at 7:00.Copy !req
69. I'm not allowed to
say it's mandatory.Copy !req
70. So let's just
call it compulsory.Copy !req
71. I'll be there at 6:00.Copy !req
72. Ugh. We're gonna have one of
those crazy nights, aren't we?Copy !req
73. Maybe we'll see
the real Talla-nastyCopy !req
74. we've been
hearing so much about.Copy !req
75. Talla-nasty. Very clever.Copy !req
76. Thank you.
Wait, wait.Copy !req
77. You think she
invented "Talla-nasty"?Copy !req
78. No,no,no, no.Copy !req
79. Cathy? It's been
great, fun, normal.Copy !req
80. I thought I was gonna be hanging
out with Stanley on this trip,Copy !req
81. but he's turned out
to be kind of a loose cannon.Copy !req
82. My friend and I
are new here in Tallahassee.Copy !req
83. Would you like
to get a cocktail?Copy !req
84. Maybe go out for a little dancing?
Beautiful day, no?Copy !req
85. Okay, everybody.
5:00. Work day's over.Copy !req
86. Put your pencils down,
and bring 'em back up!Copy !req
87. Because now, the late
night work jam begins!Copy !req
88. Yes! The conference
room is set up.Copy !req
89. I've got pens, I've got paper,
I've got a whiteboard!Copy !req
90. We are good to go.Copy !req
91. Say what?Copy !req
92. We are good to go!Copy !req
93. Say what?
Good to go!Copy !req
94. Stop it!
Andy!Copy !req
95. Tonight, we're staying late
to service the accountsCopy !req
96. of the people who
went on the Florida trip.Copy !req
97. Yes, of course
we could have justCopy !req
98. been doing this
the whole time,Copy !req
99. but someone dropped the ball.Copy !req
100. Ball droppings
can be beautiful.Copy !req
101. For example, when it turns an awkward
soprano into a rich, full tenor.Copy !req
102. Jason Bourne
would kick Bond's ass.Copy !req
103. Jason Bourne has
no support staff,Copy !req
104. his own government's
out to get him.Copy !req
105. Genghis Khan could
take 'em both down,Copy !req
106. 'cause he's not
afraid to kill children.Copy !req
107. What? It's true.Copy !req
108. He would eviscerate
babies and hang themCopy !req
109. from poles
outside of the villages.Copy !req
110. Okay, drinking game. The count
of three, take three sips.Copy !req
111. That's a stupid game. I got a
great drinking game. Okay?Copy !req
112. Everyone, empty your pockets.Copy !req
113. Whoever has
the most seeds is the king,Copy !req
114. whoever has the least buttons
is the hunchback.Copy !req
115. What happens if
you're the hunchback?Copy !req
116. Oh, you get kicked.Copy !req
117. How many buttons do you have?Copy !req
118. Forty. Always.Copy !req
119. Can I see?
Sure.Copy !req
120. So I get to kick you now.Copy !req
121. No, they're not transferable just
'cause I handed them to you.Copy !req
122. Well, that's howl
played it in college.Copy !req
123. College rules.Copy !req
124. And he lost at
his own lame game.Copy !req
125. Ooh! Double meaning.Copy !req
126. The game was lame, and now
he's lame from the kick.Copy !req
127. Quick wit.
Thank you.Copy !req
128. I will have a glass of your
oakiest chardonnay, please.Copy !req
129. And I will have a waffle.
With your maple-iest syrup.Copy !req
130. Sorry, no waffles.Copy !req
131. Okay, just forget it then.
Forget it. Forget it?Copy !req
132. Waffle?Copy !req
133. A hotel waffle.
I know what I wanna eat.Copy !req
134. Is that crazy?
No.Copy !req
135. I'm moving down here,
you know.Copy !req
136. Oh. No, I didn't know.Copy !req
137. I'm young and I can.Copy !req
138. And if I can't,
I'm still pretty young.Copy !req
139. I guess I'll always be young.Copy !req
140. You come with me. We're
gonna get you that waffle.Copy !req
141. Why would Erin confide in me that
she's staying here in FloridaCopy !req
142. if she didn't want me to make some
sort of last ditch, nothing-to-lose,Copy !req
143. Kelly Ka-who run at her?Copy !req
144. HEY
HEYCopy !req
145. Watson Carpet & Tile.Copy !req
146. One order.Copy !req
147. Order reference
number 00983-126.Copy !req
148. Eight cases
Bright White Inkjet.Copy !req
149. Paid.Copy !req
150. I'm dying!Copy !req
151. Processed.
And delivered.Copy !req
152. Sometimes I get so bored,
I just wanna scream.Copy !req
153. And then sometimes,
I actually do scream.Copy !req
154. I just sort of feel out
what the situation calls for.Copy !req
155. I will be right back.Copy !req
156. I will be here.Copy !req
157. Hey, I see what you're doing. It's futile.
The V.P. position is mine.Copy !req
158. Oh, please, you're through.Copy !req
159. She's going to give it to me, as
I'm giving it to her tonight.Copy !req
160. The cowgirl has chosen her saddle.Copy !req
161. Well, saddles...Copy !req
162. sometimes fall off.Copy !req
163. Especially if you don't
properly cinch the girth.Copy !req
164. What? That's a joke, right? You
see the way she's all over me.Copy !req
165. If anyone's having sex with Nellie
for personal gain, it's me.Copy !req
166. And I'm not joking at all.Copy !req
167. If you don't tighten your
saddle, you may fall off.Copy !req
168. Who is ready for dinner?Copy !req
169. "Oh, I bet it's pizza or tacos
or something stupid." No.Copy !req
170. I went south of
the border for this,Copy !req
171. and then I went
south of that border,Copy !req
172. and we have ourselves
a Jamaican feast, man.Copy !req
173. If I wanted Jamaican food,
I'd just hireCopy !req
174. a bunch of
bodyguards and go there.Copy !req
175. Additional trivia factoid, this
food comes to us through Val,Copy !req
176. and our server is none other
than Brandon, her boyf.Copy !req
177. Hey.Copy !req
178. How you doing, guys?Copy !req
179. Jamaican, huh? I just read about
the elections down there.Copy !req
180. Crazy stuff.Copy !req
181. Oh, no. I'm not
actually Jamaican.Copy !req
182. Terrific.Copy !req
183. What's up, man? I'm Darryl.Copy !req
184. Oh, Darryl.
I heard about you.Copy !req
185. You doing good?
Oh, yeah.Copy !req
186. You must be doing real good since
you're my girlfriend.Copy !req
187. Whoa!Copy !req
188. Dude, you didn't tell me you
were Val. High five!Copy !req
189. I'm not sleeping
with your girlfriend.Copy !req
190. Brandon, what the hell
are you talking about?Copy !req
191. Don't play dumb with me.
I know what's up.Copy !req
192. Honey, I am not sleeping...Copy !req
193. Hey! Hey.
Let's get back to the food.Copy !req
194. Brandon, tell us about
these delicious-looking goops.Copy !req
195. Hope you all like goat.Copy !req
196. Goat.Copy !req
197. Blow in my ear.
All right.Copy !req
198. Like I'm on the beach.Copy !req
199. A seagull.Copy !req
200. And a wave crashing.Copy !req
201. A wave crashing.Copy !req
202. Oh, that is lovely.Copy !req
203. All right, that's
gonna do it for me tonight.Copy !req
204. Have a lovely evening.Copy !req
205. Hey, how's it going?Copy !req
206. Good. The heating system, though,
in my room is all messed up.Copy !req
207. It's like 90 degrees
in there.Copy !req
208. Maintenance is working on it.
Can I hang out in here?Copy !req
209. Uh... Yeah, I'm just
watching basketball...Copy !req
210. Okay. Yeah.
Okay.Copy !req
211. Cool.Copy !req
212. Is this March Madness?
I love March Madness.Copy !req
213. Oh, no. That's not this.
Because that's in March.Copy !req
214. This is just the NBA,
professional.Copy !req
215. Miami Heat, actually. So...Copy !req
216. LeBron James.
Yes.Copy !req
217. Nice, good word association.Copy !req
218. Impressive.Copy !req
219. Oh, please,
anyone can tie a knot.Copy !req
220. The real skill
is in untying it.Copy !req
221. Thornwood Wholesalers.Copy !req
222. One order.Copy !req
223. I read the texts
you sent to Val, man.Copy !req
224. That's messed up.Copy !req
225. Is this spicy?Copy !req
226. No, baby girl.
It would be messed upCopy !req
227. if I didn't find anything.
But I did, so...Copy !req
228. I'm pretty sure if
Darryl sent Val a text,Copy !req
229. it was about some paper
emergency or something.Copy !req
230. At midnight?Copy !req
231. It happens.Copy !req
232. Like, a hospital needs
more napkins for surgery.Copy !req
233. You guys, we're not gonna
settle anything this way.Copy !req
234. I think we just need to be
grown-ups here. Thank you.Copy !req
235. I think we're gonna
need to hear those texts.Copy !req
236. Kelly, remember how you wanted
to go home before?Copy !req
237. No. There's no way
in hell I'm leaving.Copy !req
238. Something interesting
is happening here.Copy !req
239. For once in my life.
I am staying here.Copy !req
240. Darryl, read the texts!Copy !req
241. Yep? Coming!Copy !req
242. All right. Hey. My minibar
is oddly out of rum.Copy !req
243. We have plenty.Copy !req
244. Oh. Hello.Copy !req
245. You wanna watch the game with us?
We're watching a game.Copy !req
246. The Heat game.
It's just a game.Copy !req
247. Got it. Good night.Copy !req
248. Careful, Jim,
it gets easier and easier.Copy !req
249. No. No, no. Stanley?
Stanley. Stanley?Copy !req
250. Stanley. All right. Hey!Copy !req
251. You know. Just bring
back those bottles!Copy !req
252. Huh. The lights
are still on.Copy !req
253. Yeah. They keep
them on, 'cause it'sCopy !req
254. less expensive than
turning them on and off.Copy !req
255. I like how guys just
know stuff all the time.Copy !req
256. Girls know a lot
of stuff too, okay?Copy !req
257. And nobody
knows more than you.Copy !req
258. Especially me.Copy !req
259. Hello, waffle iron!Copy !req
260. Hello! What do
we have here?Copy !req
261. Okay, so the recipe
says we needCopy !req
262. a mixing bowl,
a measuring cup...Copy !req
263. Get down.Copy !req
264. It's the fuzz.Copy !req
265. Do you want us
to get scolded?Copy !req
266. Shut your beautiful,
beautiful mouth. Please.Copy !req
267. "I got too much ice cream,
you want some?"Copy !req
268. "Getting my fry on."Copy !req
269. Boring.Copy !req
270. "The moon is huge tonight."Copy !req
271. Gosh, the moon one's damning.Copy !req
272. Yeah, sorry.Copy !req
273. That's regular text talk.Copy !req
274. You forgot one.Copy !req
275. "You're such a great friend."Copy !req
276. With the dots.Copy !req
277. "You're such a great friend,
dot, dot, dot, dot, dot."Copy !req
278. Five dots, Darryl?
Are you kidding me?Copy !req
279. Okay, 'cause three dots means to
be continued, four dots is a typo.Copy !req
280. But five dots means,
"Whoa, do notCopy !req
281. make me say what I
want to say, baby,Copy !req
282. "but if I did, it would blow your
mind, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot."Copy !req
283. See? Yes, thank you, sister.Copy !req
284. Brandon, Darryl and me,
that's ridiculous.Copy !req
285. Right?
Yeah.Copy !req
286. Totally crazy. Puts me in an insane
asylum just thinking about it.Copy !req
287. I'm stranded on
Shutter Island over here.Copy !req
288. You look like Ed Harris.Copy !req
289. If they stretched
him a little bit...Copy !req
290. You wanna see a picture of me
trapped under a tree?Copy !req
291. Uh...Copy !req
292. Excuse me.Copy !req
293. What? Not now. I'm busy.Copy !req
294. I'm sorry,
I thought you'd want to knowCopy !req
295. that I saw
a bedbug in my room.Copy !req
296. But never mind.
Sorry to interrupt.Copy !req
297. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Bedbugs?Copy !req
298. Oh, no.Copy !req
299. Freak, I need a favor.Copy !req
300. Well, then you have to call me by my name.
Gabriel Susan Lewis.Copy !req
301. I've gotta be gone
for a few minutes.Copy !req
302. You make sure that Packer
does not sleep with Nellie.Copy !req
303. What's in it for G.S.L.?Copy !req
304. You really want
Packer as your boss?Copy !req
305. Got it.Copy !req
306. If Jim has bedbugs,
that means they're everywhere.Copy !req
307. I can't risk them coming
back to Schrute Farms.Copy !req
308. Our biggest attraction is our
200-hundred-year-old mattresses.Copy !req
309. Where did you see it?
In the bed.Copy !req
310. Well, I haven't seen anything.Copy !req
311. We gotta find it
before it eggs.Copy !req
312. Jeez!Copy !req
313. Describe it.
Brown, shiny, painful bite.Copy !req
314. Could be a bat weevil.Copy !req
315. Describe its mood.
Did it seem sleepy?Copy !req
316. Stressed, but to be fair,
it was a tense situation.Copy !req
317. Fair enough. But after it bit
you, did it run away fearful?Copy !req
318. Or did it walk away smug,
self-assured?Copy !req
319. So smug. Like he thought
it was funny. Like this.Copy !req
320. That's a bedbug.
Yeah.Copy !req
321. Everything's a joke.
I know.Copy !req
322. Check your hair!Copy !req
323. God! It's so greasy. You
should just shave all this.Copy !req
324. Just check it.Copy !req
325. You are clean. Okay.Copy !req
326. The one thing a bedbug thrives
on is heat and carbon dioxide.Copy !req
327. I am gonna generate myself
into a human trap.Copy !req
328. When I jump into the bed,
you are gonnaCopy !req
329. cover me with
the sheet immediately.Copy !req
330. And then,
we'll see who's laughing.Copy !req
331. All right!Copy !req
332. Yeah!Copy !req
333. Cover me!Copy !req
334. Is this really necessary?Copy !req
335. He knows what he's doing.Copy !req
336. Let the bedbugs bite!Copy !req
337. God! I feel so gross!
I have to go take a shower.Copy !req
338. All right,
then I will catch you later.Copy !req
339. What do we do now?Copy !req
340. We wait.Copy !req
341. Come to Papa!Copy !req
342. No!Copy !req
343. I don't know, Dwight.
I think maybe you should...Copy !req
344. No, I wasn't bitten.Copy !req
345. Okay, well, maybe it's not
warm enough in here.Copy !req
346. It's plenty warm.Copy !req
347. And I was farting continuously
under the sheet,Copy !req
348. creating a kind of a greenhouse effect.
Come on.Copy !req
349. If there were any
in here, they wouldCopy !req
350. have imbedded
themselves in me.Copy !req
351. You know what?
Maybe they just ate.Copy !req
352. No, you're good.
Clean bill of health.Copy !req
353. Besides, I gotta
get back downstairs.Copy !req
354. I left Packer alone with
Nellie for way too long.Copy !req
355. Okay, well, they're
fine, they're adults.Copy !req
356. No. That's the problem.Copy !req
357. Packer is trying to bed Nellie for the V.P.
job, unless I do it first.Copy !req
358. Is that really how you
want to get this job?Copy !req
359. Such a chorus girl.Copy !req
360. Okay, Dwight? Dwight?
Dwight, Dwight, Dwight.Copy !req
361. Uh...Copy !req
362. ls "crazy" gone?Copy !req
363. Oh...Copy !req
364. They don't make these cords
in boot cut anymore!Copy !req
365. Aw...Copy !req
366. Pathetic, huh?Copy !req
367. A real man swallows his vomit
when a lady is present.Copy !req
368. Hey.Copy !req
369. Yep, one Death by Chocolate,
one Bananas Foster.Copy !req
370. Okay, cool. Thanks.Copy !req
371. I know, I'm a pig, right?Copy !req
372. Wait, this is why I
exercise like a fiend.Copy !req
373. Feel. Seriously.Copy !req
374. Okay. All right.Copy !req
375. I'm really sorry.
I just have to say it.Copy !req
376. I'm married.Copy !req
377. I'm very happily married.Copy !req
378. Oh, my God,
what are you thinking?Copy !req
379. Um...Copy !req
380. I mean...Copy !req
381. I know that you're married,
I sat at your wife's desk.Copy !req
382. How little do you
think of me?Copy !req
383. I'm sorry, I feel like
maybe I misread things.Copy !req
384. Okay. Let's just
go back to watching.Copy !req
385. Can you, without running to the
other side of the room all night?Copy !req
386. Yes. I can. Uh...Copy !req
387. All right.
I'm really sorry.Copy !req
388. I think we'll just...
We'll just watch.Copy !req
389. You can watch, not watch,
whatever you wanna do.Copy !req
390. Take another shower, I don't care.
Okay.Copy !req
391. Whoo...Copy !req
392. I am so cold.Copy !req
393. Hey, Darryl, you okay?Copy !req
394. She's got a boyfriend.Copy !req
395. Play it cool, man.
She'll come around.Copy !req
396. No, you should go for it.
Mmm...Copy !req
397. I mean, nothing would've
happened with me and JimCopy !req
398. if he didn't put
himself out there.Copy !req
399. Yeah, but my friend Jim would
tell you to play it cool.Copy !req
400. My husband would
tell you to go for it.Copy !req
401. Hey. Hey-
Hey. Hey-Copy !req
402. This is fun.
A lot of fun.Copy !req
403. I know. Can I give
you a compliment?Copy !req
404. I'm really impressed
by how much you've grown.Copy !req
405. Since I met you,
it's like night and day.Copy !req
406. You should move down here with me!
Yeah?Copy !req
407. We could be roommates.
Really?Copy !req
408. We could get a dog,
we could go to R-rated movies!Copy !req
409. And who knows, I mean,
you're a guy, I'm a girl.Copy !req
410. Yeah.Copy !req
411. Maybe in six months, we'll see.
Six months!Copy !req
412. Okay. I'm in love
with Kelly.Copy !req
413. Put your forehead near mine and
see if you can read my thoughts.Copy !req
414. Okay.Copy !req
415. Seven,one, one“.Copy !req
416. Nine... No,no, no, not numbers.
No.Copy !req
417. No, okay. Try again.Copy !req
418. Okay.Copy !req
419. I'm still getting numbers.
Seven,one, one“.Copy !req
420. Is anyone around here thinking
the numbers seven, one, one?Copy !req
421. Please stop. Okay?Copy !req
422. Dwight, give me
a key card to your room.Copy !req
423. Meet me in seven minutes
for some one-on-one time.Copy !req
424. Wait, the numbers.Copy !req
425. There you go.
I will see you in seven...Copy !req
426. Seven minutes.Copy !req
427. Nellie, wait.Copy !req
428. Let me write my room
number on the card.Copy !req
429. Win at all costs.
Don't respect women.Copy !req
430. These are the tenets I was brought up
with, and they have served me well.Copy !req
431. But my ancestors never worked
in corporate America.Copy !req
432. They were farmers,
and before that, hunters,Copy !req
433. and before that, time travelers,
and before that, me again.Copy !req
434. At least that's
how the legend goes.Copy !req
435. The point is, they never had to
worry about how they got ahead.Copy !req
436. They just had to put food on the
table and not alter the past.Copy !req
437. 1434-967, paid.Copy !req
438. It has been processed.Copy !req
439. It has been delivered.Copy !req
440. That's it, last one.Copy !req
441. Andy, this has been
an amazing night. Epic.Copy !req
442. Cool down fiesta
begins right now.Copy !req
443. I got decaf coffee.
No way.Copy !req
444. I've got Romy and Michele's
High School Reunion.Copy !req
445. HeyCopy !req
446. I just wanted to apologize.
I mean, that was so weird.Copy !req
447. Can we just like
never talk about it again?Copy !req
448. Sure.
Okay, thanks.Copy !req
449. Hey, just so you know,
me and you,Copy !req
450. I don't think that's ridiculous.
Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot.Copy !req
451. All right. Now I think
it's time for you to go.Copy !req
452. What? Jim!Copy !req
453. I thought we talked about this.
You're cool, right?Copy !req
454. Cathy! Go.Copy !req
455. Where's the bug?
Awesome!Copy !req
456. Stand back!Copy !req
457. Stop it! Oh, my gosh!
That burns! What is that?Copy !req
458. It's a compound of chemicals I
pulled off of the maid's cart.Copy !req
459. Oh, my God!
Dwight, there!Copy !req
460. Oh, God! Stop it! Stop it!Copy !req
461. Big one! Big one!Copy !req
462. I think I saw it!
I think I saw it!Copy !req
463. Stop it!Copy !req
464. Nice job, I think
you got him.Copy !req
465. You can't stay
here, this place is a biohazard.Copy !req
466. If I were you,
I'd just bunk with Cathy.Copy !req
467. Second best Bananas
Foster I've ever had.Copy !req
468. Yeah, what's the first best?Copy !req
469. Dwight?Copy !req
470. Hello? Dwight?Copy !req
471. - Is that Nellie?
- Don't!Copy !req
472. Are you in there?Copy !req
473. I can see the light
on under your door.Copy !req
474. Hello?Copy !req
475. Oh, look at that.Copy !req
476. The light went off just as
I said the light went on.Copy !req
477. Hello? Dwight?Copy !req
478. Dwight?Copy !req