1. They caught
the Scranton Strangler.Copy !req
2. They trapped him
in his house.Copy !req
3. and then
photographing them,Copy !req
4. is believed to be inside.Copy !req
5. Police have now surrounded
the apartment complex.Copy !req
6. Police have surrounded.
And weCopy !req
7. now see what appears to
be a SWAT van pulling up.Copy !req
8. SWAT, SWAT's arriving.Copy !req
9. It is unknown if he
is armed with any...Copy !req
10. They should
do that thing
where they playCopy !req
11. the really good music
to get him to come out.Copy !req
12. Ugh! They shouldn't
televise any of this.
It just encourages copycats.Copy !req
13. Just say copies.
Why do you have to
drag cats into this?Copy !req
14. Okay, while this is
interesting, we should
get back to work.Copy !req
15. These standoffs
can last a long time.Copy !req
16. What if it's
another Waco?Copy !req
17. It's pronounced "wacko."Copy !req
18. Some events
are so newsworthy,Copy !req
19. so historic,
that you have to stop
everything to watch.Copy !req
20. Balloon boy,
Michael Jackson's funeral...Copy !req
21. Uh, things that,
if you didn't
see them live,Copy !req
22. you wouldn't really
care that you didn't
see them at all.Copy !req
23. Coming to you
from the corner of...Copy !req
24. Columbia Street
and Washington Ave.Copy !req
25. God, when is he
gonna come out?Copy !req
26. For what we all
pray is the last...Copy !req
27. I bet he's wishing
he had a hybrid, right?Copy !req
28. Sixty miles
to the gallon
in the city!Copy !req
29. No, I bet he's wishing
he was strangling someone.Copy !req
30. Okay, that's our street.Copy !req
31. That's our street.
He's going down
our street.Copy !req
32. Come on, everybody.Copy !req
33. Go. Go, go, go.Copy !req
34. There it is.
There it is.Copy !req
35. I saw it.
Where? Where?Copy !req
36. I saw it. It's gone.Copy !req
37. Oh!Copy !req
38. He went right by.Copy !req
39. You missed it.
You missed it.Copy !req
40. "Grandpa,
where were you the dayCopy !req
41. "the Scranton Strangler
was caught?"Copy !req
42. Well, I was there, kiddo.
I was there.Copy !req
43. And I'll tell you what,Copy !req
44. you go sell these
and buy yourself
a nice spaceship.Copy !req
45. Michael.Copy !req
46. Walk with me.Copy !req
47. Gabe and I are
having a party,Copy !req
48. and everyone's invited,
and it's at his apartment.Copy !req
49. And we're gonna watch Glee.
Glee? What is Glee?Copy !req
50. Some sort of
television program?Copy !req
51. Jim, I need
that thing, stat.Copy !req
52. Okay.
Yeah,
it's a TV show.Copy !req
53. Dwight. Signing.Copy !req
54. I don't have time for
parties. I don't have
time for TV shows.Copy !req
55. Stanley,
what time is that thing
that I have to do?Copy !req
56. I...
Cancel it.
Are you still here?Copy !req
57. Oh, it's just...
It's our first
party together.Copy !req
58. So...
Mmm-mmm!Copy !req
59. Did you hear
what I said?Copy !req
60. I'm a very busy man.
I don't have time
for your TV show.Copy !req
61. Okay, sorry.
I'm joking.Copy !req
62. Wait, which...
I'm joking.Copy !req
63. I'm kidding around.Copy !req
64. I'm not actually angry.Copy !req
65. I'm not busy at all.
I'm not doing anything.Copy !req
66. And I know what Glee is.
I am a total Gleek.Copy !req
67. Oh, me too.
You know who my
favorite character is?Copy !req
68. The invalid.Copy !req
69. Yes, I'd love to
come to your party.Copy !req
70. Oh, my gosh.Copy !req
71. I don't know
if Michael likes
Gabe that much,Copy !req
72. but there's
this thing on Glee
called mash-up,Copy !req
73. where two things
that don't go together
make one great song.Copy !req
74. Take Gabe, take Michael,
you make "Gaymike."Copy !req
75. Best friends.Copy !req
76. No, really?Copy !req
77. Is there time
to change this?
That show...Copy !req
78. I mean,
first they say
that Mr. SchueCopy !req
79. doesn't know
anything about
choreography,Copy !req
80. and then, like,
three episodes later,Copy !req
81. he's this fantastic
choreographer.Copy !req
82. Pick a lane, people.Copy !req
83. And what was with
Jesse's sudden turnCopy !req
84. on Rachel between
Dream On and Funk?Copy !req
85. Where the heck
did that come from?Copy !req
86. Honestly,
that show, it's just...
It's irresponsible.Copy !req
87. Are you going?Copy !req
88. Not because I want to.Copy !req
89. Of all feelings,
to base a show
around glee?Copy !req
90. Thirst. Now that's
a show I'd watch.Copy !req
91. I would watch that.Copy !req
92. Tonight might be
a convenient nightCopy !req
93. for us to have
some intercourse.Copy !req
94. You're having a party
at Gabe's apartment?
Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
95. I'd love it if
you were there.
You would?Copy !req
96. You and Michael
are always the
life of the party.Copy !req
97. Try and keep me
from coming.Copy !req
98. Why would I keep
you from coming?Copy !req
99. Try and hide it,
I will track
this party down.Copy !req
100. Why would I hide it?Copy !req
101. Kevin.Copy !req
102. Hey. You going tonight?Copy !req
103. Yes, I am. Are you?Copy !req
104. Yeah. You got to go
to the boss's party, right?Copy !req
105. Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
106. What? No, Gabe...
Gabe is not the boss.Copy !req
107. No, he's not the boss.Copy !req
108. Why did you just
say he was the boss?Copy !req
109. 'Cause you're the boss.Copy !req
110. Guys, do you consider
Gabe to be the boss?Copy !req
111. It's a make-your-own-pizza
night.Copy !req
112. Okay.Copy !req
113. Isn't Gabe's
place so nice?
Uh-huh.Copy !req
114. Look at the size
of those wine glasses,
Michael.Copy !req
115. They're big.Copy !req
116. Those posters used
to be real French ads.Copy !req
117. All right.Copy !req
118. So, these are your
cheeses, your hams,Copy !req
119. your sausages,
your herbs and
your vegetables.Copy !req
120. Here's what's been done.
Start creating.Copy !req
121. Sometimes it helps
to think of a part
of the worldCopy !req
122. and then make...
Okay. Okay. Okay.Copy !req
123. Gabe likes to
entertain a lot,Copy !req
124. and he cooks in an oven,
and all that jazz.Copy !req
125. I just have
a different lifestyle.Copy !req
126. They have these
bags of vegetablesCopy !req
127. that steam right
inside their own bag.Copy !req
128. So, I'll get a glass
of sangria,Copy !req
129. sit down in front
of the TV,Copy !req
130. my bag of vegetables...Copy !req
131. Before you know it,
I'm ready for bed.Copy !req
132. Okay.Copy !req
133. You don't really
toss the dough.Copy !req
134. Try to destroy
the old ways, Gabe.Copy !req
135. I will not let you.Copy !req
136. So, welcome
to my man cave.Copy !req
137. I did my senior
year abroad in Japan.
Best year of my life.Copy !req
138. You play?Copy !req
139. I like to create
soundscapes.Copy !req
140. Imagine one instant of
a song expanded to be
the size of the universe.Copy !req
141. I can't even do that.Copy !req
142. She's up. Great.Copy !req
143. Cece is reverse cycling,Copy !req
144. which means she
sleeps all day,
and she's up all night,Copy !req
145. which basically means
I'm up all day,
and I'm up all night.Copy !req
146. And if it doesn't stop soon,
I am gonna be up all night.Copy !req
147. The show's starting.
The show's starting.Copy !req
148. The show's starting.Copy !req
149. Show's starting.Copy !req
150. All right,
let's gather around.Copy !req
151. Who's that?Copy !req
152. Finn.Copy !req
153. Who's that?
Rachel.Copy !req
154. Okay. Which one's Glee?Copy !req
155. You have to stop.Copy !req
156. Where's Michael?
Where's Michael?Copy !req
157. We can't start
without Michael.Copy !req
158. Oh, here he is.
Oh, yay, and let
the show begin.Copy !req
159. That's a little loud.Copy !req
160. Well, actually, I think
it's not loud enough. May I?Copy !req
161. Excuse me.
Thank you, sir.Copy !req
162. There you go.
It's Glee, right?Copy !req
163. Rock and roll.Copy !req
164. Turn it up to 11.Copy !req
165. Come on, Michael.Copy !req
166. Spinal cord.Copy !req
167. Some of us are trying
to have a conversation.Copy !req
168. Well, some of us
are trying to...Copy !req
169. I'll just turn
the captions on.Copy !req
170. Well, I will turn
the volume up.Copy !req
171. That's for the other box.Copy !req
172. Okay.Copy !req
173. Okay.Copy !req
174. Here's what
we're gonna do.Copy !req
175. Right down the hall
is a bedroom.Copy !req
176. All the real Glee fans
are gonna go down the hallCopy !req
177. to the real Glee
party in the bedroom.Copy !req
178. Follow meCopy !req
179. where we can crank it.Copy !req
180. What's your angle?
That woman.Copy !req
181. She's been in
a couple of episodes
of Friday Night Lights.Copy !req
182. You know what?
I'm so confused.Copy !req
183. Is this a Glee watching
party or is this
a Glee pausing party?Copy !req
184. Yeah. Yeah, I know.
Because we keep stopping itCopy !req
185. to get a history
lesson about
television...Copy !req
186. I didn't
know the rules.Copy !req
187. There. It's on, it's on.Copy !req
188. I didn't read
the rule book.Copy !req
189. Hey, Michael.Copy !req
190. Maybe you should try going
in the other room again.Copy !req
191. You can have my seat.
It's closer to the TV.Copy !req
192. It'll seem louder.Copy !req
193. Pam, I have a loaded gun
in my desk at work.Copy !req
194. And if I ever start
acting like that
weenie, Gabe,Copy !req
195. I want you to
take that gun,Copy !req
196. and I want you
to shoot me,
like, 100 timesCopy !req
197. in the groin
till I'm dead, okay?Copy !req
198. You have a gun
in your desk?Copy !req
199. Somewhere.Copy !req
200. Hey. Marantz tube
stereo from the 1970s!Copy !req
201. I respect that.
I respect that a lot.Copy !req
202. The five Chinese
virility herbs.Copy !req
203. No kidding.
This is powdered
seahorse.Copy !req
204. They say that 15
Chinese soldiersCopy !req
205. fought off the entire
army of Genghis Khan
just using this stuff.Copy !req
206. You know what they say...
No, what?Copy !req
207. What is this,
samurai woodcuts? Yup.Copy !req
208. Pretty erotic.Copy !req
209. Hmm. Yeah.Copy !req
210. Better men than Gabe
have tried to be my boss.Copy !req
211. David got fired.Copy !req
212. Charles got fired.
Jan went crazy.Copy !req
213. Ed Truck,
who I liked,
got decapitated.Copy !req
214. Michael.
Yes.Copy !req
215. I find it
absolutely disgracefulCopy !req
216. that no one
followed you in here
for your walk-out.Copy !req
217. I took the liberty of
making a list of everyone
who didn't follow you in here.Copy !req
218. Jim, Oscar, Creed,Copy !req
219. me, at first... Kelly...
Maybe I should go.Copy !req
220. Are you gonna
quiet that baby
or do I have to?Copy !req
221. In the Schrute family,
the youngest child
always raises the others.Copy !req
222. I've been raising
children since
I was a baby.Copy !req
223. Take a shot.Copy !req
224. Oh, thanks.Copy !req
225. So much Asian stuff!Copy !req
226. I wonder if there's
a guy in China right nowCopy !req
227. looking at
a bunch of our stuff.Copy !req
228. Why does Erin
like Gabe?Copy !req
229. Andy, look,Copy !req
230. all I know is,
if I was a girl
and I had to chooseCopy !req
231. between a tall
dude who loved AsiaCopy !req
232. and a you-looking dude
who loved sweaters
and wearing sweaters,Copy !req
233. I'd choose you.Copy !req
234. That's really nice.
Thank you.Copy !req
235. And I'd blow your mind.Copy !req
236. Jim, what
are you doing?Copy !req
237. It's a commercial break,
so I just wanted
to check the scores.Copy !req
238. Flip it back, please.Copy !req
239. Okay.Copy !req
240. The show's back on.
What happened?Copy !req
241. We were behind.Copy !req
242. Go to the recorded version.Copy !req
243. Oh, my God.
What song was that?Copy !req
244. I wasn't recording it.
What?Copy !req
245. What song was it?Copy !req
246. Wait, why do you
have to record it?Copy !req
247. Right now is why, Erin.
We're living it.Copy !req
248. Start recording now.
Jim.Copy !req
249. Okay, they did
Blinded by the Light,Copy !req
250. and they did it with
an actual blind guy.Copy !req
251. Was it worth it, Jim?
'Cause we missed it.Copy !req
252. If I could get her
sleeping normally,
I would get my life back.Copy !req
253. That would be nice,
wouldn't it?Copy !req
254. I can't even
talk about it.Copy !req
255. You know, it's not
really necessary for meCopy !req
256. to sit here
holding her all night.Copy !req
257. Just go to
Gabe's refrigerator,
get a lump of suet,Copy !req
258. or any kind of
congealed animal
fat will do, really.Copy !req
259. Tie a piece of string to it,
tie the other end to her toe,Copy !req
260. pop the suet
in her mouth,Copy !req
261. she'll be happy for hours.Copy !req
262. I kind of doubt
Gabe has suet.Copy !req
263. Really?Copy !req
264. Well, then here we are.Copy !req
265. Michael.Copy !req
266. Gabe is making
the pigs in a blanket,Copy !req
267. and he kind of
needs some help,Copy !req
268. so he was wondering
if you could help him.Copy !req
269. Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome Phyllis Vance.Copy !req
270. Is that White Diamonds
by Elizabeth Taylor?Copy !req
271. You know your perfumes.Copy !req
272. My nanny used
to wear that.Copy !req
273. I just ate an
entire seahorse.Copy !req
274. I have to admit,
I did not think
it was gonna work,Copy !req
275. but it's totally working.Copy !req
276. I feel exactly
like a seahorse.Copy !req
277. Look who I found.Copy !req
278. Yeah, well, I wasn't
very hard to find.Copy !req
279. Let's go ahead
and wash your hands.Copy !req
280. Is this the same dough
that you used for
the pizza crust?Copy !req
281. Yeah. Waste not, right?Copy !req
282. So, these are pizza dogs.
These aren't
pigs in a blanket,Copy !req
283. per se.Copy !req
284. Michael knows
everything there is
to know about snacks.Copy !req
285. Well.Copy !req
286. Gabe was born in 1982.Copy !req
287. He was the longest
baby in the hospital.Copy !req
288. He's the longest
baby in this room.Copy !req
289. What's the longest thing
you've ever seen?Copy !req
290. For me,
it was the tail
from a jet...Copy !req
291. Erin, you don't have to...Copy !req
292. Yeah, you know what,
Erin, you do have to.
Michael,Copy !req
293. you are making this
harder than it has to be.Copy !req
294. That's what she said.Copy !req
295. Hey.Copy !req
296. It's a miracle.Copy !req
297. She loves him.Copy !req
298. I don't know
about "love."Copy !req
299. She loves me.Copy !req
300. Outside. My car.
Two minutes.Copy !req
301. All right. Something's
come up. I gotta go.Copy !req
302. No, no, no,
she'll wake up.Copy !req
303. No, I have
something to do.Copy !req
304. I know what you have to do.
Please stay with Cece.Copy !req
305. Dwight,
I've always considered us
to be very good friends.Copy !req
306. Great friends.Copy !req
307. Remember your concussion?Copy !req
308. I do,Copy !req
309. but you married
my worst enemy.Copy !req
310. I know.
Well, I think
enemy's a strong word,Copy !req
311. 'cause I think we have
a really charming
back-and-forth...Copy !req
312. Enough.Copy !req
313. I will require
beer and pizza
to think this over.Copy !req
314. Absolutely.
From Jim.Copy !req
315. Well, I don't
think that's...Copy !req
316. Do it.Copy !req
317. What kind of pizza
would you like?Copy !req
318. Surprise me. No.Copy !req
319. Pepperoni.Copy !req
320. Okay.Copy !req
321. All right.Copy !req
322. And the winner is,
by two votes, Sam and...Copy !req
323. What's going on?Copy !req
324. Hey, Creed.
Do you read Chinese?Copy !req
325. Better than English.Copy !req
326. What does this say?Copy !req
327. Hello, UPS, still waiting
on that five minutes
with Erin I ordered.Copy !req
328. Oh, never mind,
it's here.Copy !req
329. Well, if it isn't
the belle of the ball.Copy !req
330. You throw
a lovely party, milady.Copy !req
331. Are you having
a good time?Copy !req
332. Did you wear
my favorite outfit
on purpose?Copy !req
333. Andy, you look awful.Copy !req
334. You're four seasons
in a day.Copy !req
335. You got the autumn
thing going on.Copy !req
336. But if you put on baby...Copy !req
337. But if you put
on a blue...Copy !req
338. It's springtime
in the Rockies.Copy !req
339. Are you all right?
No!Copy !req
340. Mmm-mmm.
Insert it in my mouth.Copy !req
341. Okay, that's not
gonna make yourCopy !req
342. pizza-eating experience
any better, trust me.Copy !req
343. Oh, try me.Copy !req
344. Jim, just don't
think of it as
degrading.Copy !req
345. Think of it as you happen
to be moving the pizzaCopy !req
346. six inches this way,
and he happens
to be biting it.Copy !req
347. I'd prefer for him to
think of it as degrading.Copy !req
348. Okay.Copy !req
349. Crust first.Copy !req
350. Okay. Now the beer.Copy !req
351. Beer me, Jim.Copy !req
352. Gentle.Copy !req
353. Mmm, mmm.Copy !req
354. Now I've got to
go meet Angela.Copy !req
355. What? No, wait.
You said you
were gonna help us.Copy !req
356. I have a legal
obligation to Angela,
okay?Copy !req
357. She needs to be serviced.Copy !req
358. You need to stop talking.
Oh, God.Copy !req
359. Oh, come on.Copy !req
360. Can we stop
the fake prissy act?Copy !req
361. Join the real world.Copy !req
362. Sex contracts exist, okay?Copy !req
363. Okay, fine, there
must be some wayCopy !req
364. to get out of it,
even just for tonight.Copy !req
365. Yeah, sure.
Jim can go see her.Copy !req
366. Okay.
You've been with
a blonde before?Copy !req
367. It's the big leagues.Copy !req
368. I'm going home,
and I'm taking my baby.Copy !req
369. No, no, don't.Copy !req
370. I will go
talk to Angela.Copy !req
371. She is in heat.Copy !req
372. She will eat
your face off.Copy !req
373. The reverse cycling
ends tonight.Copy !req
374. A single piece of
pepperoni, please.Copy !req
375. I'm not...Copy !req
376. What are you doing?Copy !req
377. I wanted to eat
a pig in a blanket
in a blanket.Copy !req
378. Are you all right?Copy !req
379. Erin likes Gabe.Copy !req
380. I know.Copy !req
381. I thought you two
were nice together.Copy !req
382. Do you think
that they've ever...Copy !req
383. Made love?Copy !req
384. I don't know.Copy !req
385. Well, girls tell each
other things, right?Copy !req
386. I'll see what
I can find out.Copy !req
387. Where you been?Copy !req
388. I just went out
for a walk.Copy !req
389. Cable's out.Copy !req
390. What? Really?Copy !req
391. That stinks.Copy !req
392. It's still on upstairs.Copy !req
393. What does that mean?
Party's over?
Everybody leaves?Copy !req
394. Are you sure?Copy !req
395. Hey,
Puck and Finn worked it out,
and the solo is now a duet.Copy !req
396. Are you kidding me?
No.Copy !req
397. Now, that's going on.
Yep.Copy !req
398. I can't believe
we're missing that.Copy !req
399. Boy, I wish
I could see that.Copy !req
400. You know what?
I have an idea.Copy !req
401. I don't know if
it's gonna work,Copy !req
402. but let me give
it this... Okay.Copy !req
403. I'm gonna
give it a shot.Copy !req
404. Please, Michael,
just make the Glee happen.Copy !req
405. Good luck, Michael.Copy !req
406. Erin.Copy !req
407. So, how long have you
two been going out now?Copy !req
408. Oh, like three months.Copy !req
409. I imagine things are
starting to heat up.Copy !req
410. I don't know.Copy !req
411. Of course, you don't
want to rush things.Copy !req
412. I mean, the anticipation
can be so exquisite.Copy !req
413. Bob and I
took our time.Copy !req
414. The first time we
saw each other naked,
we didn't even make love.Copy !req
415. We just stared at each other
until we fell asleep.Copy !req
416. It was magical.Copy !req
417. I have to go, Phyllis.
Really magical.Copy !req
418. Hey in there.
It's me, Pam.Copy !req
419. It's not Dwight.
Don't think it's Dwight.Copy !req
420. What are you doing here?Copy !req
421. I know you and Dwight
have this weird deal.Copy !req
422. He sent me out here
to see if you
could postpone.Copy !req
423. Are you authorized
to do this?Copy !req
424. Yes. I have been
so authorized.Copy !req
425. Okay, well, tell him
that we'll do this
tomorrow night instead.Copy !req
426. Okay.
Wait, Pam. Pam.Copy !req
427. How did he seem?
You know, like, did
he seem disappointed?Copy !req
428. You know, there are
a lot of guys out thereCopy !req
429. who would just loveCopy !req
430. and appreciate a woman...
You know what,
Pam, just save it.Copy !req
431. You did this?Copy !req
432. No, I was just check...
Yes, I did. Yes. Yes.Copy !req
433. Why won't you like him?Copy !req
434. What is there to like?
He's just...Copy !req
435. He's a weird, little,
skeevy guy with no waist.Copy !req
436. Why do you care
whether we like
him or not?Copy !req
437. I care if you like him.Copy !req
438. Why? I'm not
your father.Copy !req
439. All right.Copy !req
440. Okay.
Go to your room.Copy !req
441. What?Copy !req
442. Go to your room,
young lady.Copy !req
443. I'm not going
to my room.Copy !req
444. You listen to me.Copy !req
445. You listen good.Copy !req
446. You are not to see
that boy anymore.Copy !req
447. You listen to me.Copy !req
448. You are not to
tell me what to do.Copy !req
449. As long as you are
living under this roof,Copy !req
450. you are going
to do what I say.Copy !req
451. I hate your roof.Copy !req
452. Do not raise
your voice to me.Copy !req
453. I'll raise it all I want.
I'll raise the roof.Copy !req
454. I will pull
this car over.Copy !req
455. I hate it.
I hate your car.Copy !req
456. See you, Oscar.Copy !req
457. If you break that girl's
heart, I will kill you.Copy !req
458. It's just a figure
of speech.Copy !req
459. But seriously, if you
break that girl's heart,Copy !req
460. I will literally kill you
and your entire family.Copy !req
461. Gabe, just go
and have fun with Erin,Copy !req
462. but not too much fun.Copy !req
463. That girl's gonna
turn my hair gray.Copy !req
464. What happened?Copy !req
465. I accidentally
ate some seahorses.Copy !req
466. How much?Copy !req
467. I don't know.
It's powdered, so...Copy !req
468. Like, four or five,
I don't know.Copy !req
469. I've got just the thing.Copy !req
470. This one is called
"Earthrise on the Moon."Copy !req
471. That's so beautiful.Copy !req