1. They caught
the Scranton strangler.
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2. They trapped him in his house.
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3. And then photographing them,
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4. Is believed to be inside.
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5. Police have now surrounded
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6. The apartment complex.
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7. Police have surrounded.
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8. And we now see
what appears to be
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9. A SWAT van pulling up.
Swat... swat's arriving.
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10. It is unknown he is armed
with any...
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11. They should do that thing
where they play
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12. The really good music
to get him to come out.
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13. Ugh, they shouldn't televise
any of this.
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14. It just encourages copycats.
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15. Just say copies.
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16. Why do you have to drag cats
into this?
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17. Okay,
while this is interesting,
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18. We should get back to work.
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19. These standoffs can last
a long time.
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20. What if it's another Waco?
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21. It's pronounced "wacko."
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22. Some events are so newsworthy,
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23. So historic, that you have
to stop everything to watch.
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24. Balloon boy,
Michael Jackson's funeral...
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25. Uh, things that,
if you didn't see them live,
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26. You wouldn't really care
that you didn't see them at all.
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27. Coming to you
from the corner of columb...
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28. Columbia street
and Washington ave.
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29. God, when is he gonna come out?
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30. I bet he's wishing
he had a hybrid. Right?
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31. 60 miles to the gallon
in the city.
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32. No, I bet he's wishing
he was strangling someone.
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33. Okay, that's our street.
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34. That's our street.
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35. He's going down our street.
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36. Come on, everybody.
Go. Go, go, go, go.
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37. There it is.
There it I
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38. I saw it.
Where? Where?
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39. I saw it.
It's gone.
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40. He went right by.
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41. You missed it.
You missed it.
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42. "grandpa, where were you today
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43. The Scranton strangler
was caught?"
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44. well, I was there, kiddo.
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45. I was there.
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46. And I'll tell you what...
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47. You go sell these and buy
yourself aice spaceship.
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48. Michael.
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49. Walk with me.
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50. Gabe and I are having a party,
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51. And everyone's invited,
and it's at his apartment.
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52. And we're gonna watch glee.
Glee? What is glee?
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53. Some sort of television program?
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54. Jim, ieed that thing st.
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55. - Okay.
- Yeah, it's a TV show.
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56. Dwight. Signing.
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57. I don't have time for parties.
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58. I don't have time r TV shows.
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59. Stanley, what time is that thing
that I have to do?
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60. - I...
- cancel it.
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61. Are you still here?
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62. Ohit's just...
it's our first party together.
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63. So...
- mm-mm-mm-mm. Mm. Mm.
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64. Mm.
Did you hear what I said?
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65. I'm a very busy man.
I don't have time
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66. For your TV show.
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67. - Okay, sorry.
- I'm joking.
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68. - Wait, which...
- I'm joking.
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69. I'm kidding around.
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70. I'm not actually angry.
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71. I'm not busy at all.
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72. I'm not doing anything.
And I know what glee is.
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73. I am a total gleek.
Oh, me too.
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74. You know
what my favorite character is?
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75. The invalid.
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76. Yes, I'd love to come
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77. To your party.
, my gosh.
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78. I don't know if Michael
likes Gabe that much,
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79. But there's this thing
on glee called mash-up
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80. When two things
that don't go together
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81. Make one great song.
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82. Take Gabe, take Michael,
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83. You make "gaymike."
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84. Best friends.
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85. No, really?
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86. Is there time to change this?
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87. That show... I mean,
first they say that Mr. Schue
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88. Doest know anything
about choreography,
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89. And then, like,
three episodes later,
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90. He's this fantastic
choreographer?
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91. Pick a lane, people.
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92. And what was
with jse's sudden turn
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93. On Rachel between dream on
and funk?
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94. Where the heck
did that come from?
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95. Honestly, that show, it's just...
it's irresponsible.
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96. Are you going?
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97. Not because I want to.
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98. Of all feelings
to base a show around, glee?
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99. Thirst.
Now that's a show I'd watch.
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100. I would watch that.
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101. Tonight might be
a convenient night
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102. For us to have some intercourse.
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103. You're having a party
at Gabe's apartment
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104. - Mm-hmm.
I'd love it if you were there.
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105. - You would?
- You and Michael
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106. Are always the life
of the party.
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107. Try and keep me from coming.
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108. Why would I keep you
from coming?
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109. Try and hide it,
I will track this party wn.
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110. Why would I hide it?
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111. Kevin.
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112. Hey. You going tonight?
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113. Yes, I am.
Are you?
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114. Yeah.
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115. You got to go
to the boss's party, right?
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116. - Mm-hmm.
What
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117. No, Gabe...
Gabe is not the boss.
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118. No, he's not the boss.
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119. Why did you just say
he was the boss?
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120. 'cause you're the boss.
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121. Guys, do you consider Gabe
to be the boss?
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122. - It's make-your-own-pizza
night.
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123. - Okay.
- Isn't Gabe's place so nice?
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124. Look at the size
of those wine glasses, Michael.
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125. They're big.
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126. Those posters used to be
real French ads.
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127. All right.
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128. So these are your cheeses,
your hams,
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129. Your sausages,
your herbs, and your vegetables.
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130. Here's what's been done.
Start creating.
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131. Sometimes it helps
to think of a part of the world
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132. And then make...
okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.
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133. Gabe likes to entertain a lot.
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134. And he cooks in an oven.
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135. And all that jazz.
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136. I just have
a different lifestyle.
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137. They have these bags
of vegetables
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138. That steam
right inside their own bag.
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139. So I'll get a glass of sangria,
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140. Sit down in front of the TV,
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141. My bag of vegetables...
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142. Before you know it,
I'm ready for bed.
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143. Okay.
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144. You don't really toss
the dough.
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145. Try to destroy
the old ways, Gabe.
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146. I will not let you.
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147. So welcome to my man cave.
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148. I did my senior year
abroad in Japan.
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149. Best year of my life.
You play?
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150. Oh, I like
to create soundscapes.
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151. Imagine one instant of a song
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152. Expanded to be the size
of the universe.
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153. I can't even do that.
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154. She's up.
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155. Great.
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156. Cece is reverse cycling.
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157. Which means she sleeps all day
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158. And she's up all night.
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159. Which basically means
I'm up all day
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160. And I'm up all night.
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161. And if it doesn't stop soon,
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162. Am gonna be up all night.
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163. The show's starting.
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164. The show's starting.
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165. The show's starting.
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166. Show's starting.
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167. All right, let's gather 'round.
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168. - Who's that?
- Finn.
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169. - Who's that?
- Rachel.
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170. Okay.
Which one's glee?
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171. You have to stop.
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172. Where's Michael?
Where's Michael?
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173. We can't start without Michael.
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174. Oh, here he is.
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175. Oh, yay,
and let the show begin.
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176. That's a little loud.
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177. Well, actually, I think
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178. It's not loud enough.
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179. May I?
Excuse me.
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180. Thank you, sir.
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181. There you go.
It's glee.
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182. Right?
Rock and roll.
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183. Turn it up to 11.
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184. - Come on, Michael.
- "spinal cord."
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185. Some of us are trying
to have a conversation.
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186. Well, some of us
are trying to...
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187. I'll just turn the captions on.
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188. Well, I will turn
the volume up.
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189. That's for the other box.
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190. Okay.
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191. Okay.
Okay.
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192. Here's what we're gonna do.
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193. Right down the hall
is a bedroom.
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194. All the real glee fans
are gonna go down the hall
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195. To the real glee party
in the bedroom.
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196. Follow me.
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197. Where we can crank it.
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198. What's your angle?
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199. That woman. She's been
in a couple of episodes
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200. Of Friday night lights.
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201. Hey, guys, I'm so confused.
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202. Is this a glee watching party
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203. Or is this a glee pausing party?
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204. - Yeah. Yeah, I know.
- Because we keep stopping it
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205. To get a history lesson
about television...
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206. There. It's on.
Well, it's on. Know e s.
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207. I didn't read the rule book.
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208. Hey, Michael.
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209. Maybe you should try going
in the other room again.
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210. You can have my seat.
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211. It's closer to the TV.
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212. It'll seem louder.
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213. Pam, I have a loaded gun
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214. In my desk at work.
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215. And if I ever start
acting like that weenie Gabe,
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216. I want you to take that gun,
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217. And I want you to shoot me,
like, 100 times
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218. In the groin
till I'm dead, okay?
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219. You have a gun in your desk?
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220. Somewhere.
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221. Hey. Marantz tube stereo
from the 1970s.
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222. I respect that.
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223. I respect that a lot.
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224. Ho-ho, the five Chinese
virility herbs.
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225. No kidding.
This is powdered seahorse.
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226. They say
that 15 Chinese soldiers
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227. Fought off the entire army
of Genghis Khan
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228. Just using this stuff.
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229. You know what they say...
No, what?
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230. What is this, samurai woodcuts?
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231. Yup.
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232. Pretty erotic.
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233. Eh.
Yeah.
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234. Better men than Gabe
have tried to be my boss.
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235. David got fired.
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236. Charles got fired.
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237. Jan went crazy.
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238. Ed truck, who I liked,
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239. Got decapitated.
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240. - Michael.
- Yes.
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241. I find it
absolutely disgraceful
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242. That no one followed you
in here for your walk-out.
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243. I took the liberty
of making a list of everyone
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244. Who didn't follow you in here.
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245. Jim, Oscar, creed,
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246. Me, at first...
Maybe I should go.
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247. Kelly...
Are you gonna quiet that baby
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248. Or do I have to?
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249. In the schrute family,
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250. The youngest child
always raises the others.
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251. I've been raising children
since I was a baby.
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252. Take a shot.
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253. Oh, thanks.
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254. So much Asian stuff.
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255. I wonder if there's a guy
in China right now
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256. Looking at a bunch
of our stuff.
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257. Why does Erin like Gabe?
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258. Andy, look,
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259. All I know is, if I was a girl
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260. And I had to choose
between a tall dude
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261. Who loved Asia
and a you-looking dude
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262. Who loved sweaters
and wearing sweaters,
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263. I'd choose you.
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264. That's really nice.
Thank you.
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265. And I'd blow your mind.
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266. Jim, what are you doing?
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267. Oh, it's a commercial break,
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268. So I just wanted
to check the scores.
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269. Flip it back, please.
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270. Okay.
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271. The show's back on.
What happened?
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272. - We were behind.
- Go to the recorded version.
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273. Oh, my God.
What song was that?
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274. - I wasn't recording it.
- What?
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275. What song was it?
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276. Wait, why do you have
to record it?
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277. Right now is why, Erin.
We're living it.
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278. Start recording now.
Jim.
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279. Okay, they did
blinded by the light,
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280. And they did it
with an actual blind guy.
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281. Was it worth it, Jim?
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282. 'cause we missed it.
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283. If I could get her
sleeping normally,
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284. I would get my life back.
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285. That would be nice,
wouldn't it?
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286. I can't even talk about it.
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287. You know, it's not really
necessary for me to sit here
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288. Holding her all night.
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289. Just go to Gabe's refrigerator,
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290. Get a lump of suet...
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291. Or any kind of congealed
animal fat will do, really...
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292. Tie a piece of string to it,
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293. Tie the other end to her toe,
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294. Pop the suet in her mouth,
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295. She'll be happy for hours.
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296. I kind of doubt Gabe has suet.
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297. Really?
Well...
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298. Then here we are.
Michael.
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299. Gabe is making
the pigs in a blanket.
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300. And he kind of needs some help,
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301. So he was wondering
if you could help him.
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302. Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome
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303. Phyllis Vance.
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304. Is that white diamonds
by Elizabeth Taylor?
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305. You know your perfumes.
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306. My nanny used to wear that.
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307. I just ate an entire seahorse.
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308. I have to admit I did not think
it was gonna work.
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309. But it's totally working.
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310. I feel exactly like a seahorse.
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311. Look who I found.
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312. Yeah, well, I wasn't
very hard to find.
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313. Let's go ahead
and wash your hands.
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314. Is this the same dough that
you used for the pizza crust?
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315. Yeah.
Waste not. Right?
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316. So these are pizza dogs.
These aren't pigs in a blanket.
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317. Per Se.
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318. Michael knows everything there
is to know about snacks.
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319. - Well.
- Gabe was born in 1982.
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320. He was the longest baby
in the hospital.
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321. He's the longest baby
in this room.
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322. What's the longest thing
you've ever seen?
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323. For me,
it was the trail from a jet...
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324. Erin, you don't have to...
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325. Yeah, you know what, Erin,
you do have to.
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326. Michael,
you are making this harder
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327. Than it has to be.
That's what she said.
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328. Hey.
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329. It's a miracle.
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330. She loves him.
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331. Oh, I don't know about...
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332. Love.
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333. She loves me.
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334. Outside. My car.
Two minutes.
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335. All right.
Something's come up. I gotta go.
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336. No, no, no, she'll wake up.
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337. No, I have something to do.
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338. I know what you have to do.
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339. Please stay with Cece.
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340. Dwight, I've always considered
us to be very good friends.
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341. Great friends.
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342. Remember your concussion?
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343. I do.
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344. But you married my worst enemy.
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345. - I know.
- Well, I think enemy's
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346. A strong word.
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347. 'cause I think we have a really
charming back-and-forth.
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348. Enough.
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349. I will require beer and pizza
to think this over.
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350. - Absolutely.
- From Jim.
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351. - Well, I don't think that's...
- do it.
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352. What kind of pizza
would you like?
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353. Surprise me.
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354. No.
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355. Pepperoni.
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356. Okay.
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357. All right.
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358. And the winner is
by two votes, Sam and qu...
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359. what's going on?
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360. Hey, creed.
Do you read Chinese?
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361. - Better than English.
- What does this say?
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362. Hello, u.P.S., still waiting
on that five minutes
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363. With Erin I ordered.
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364. Oh, never mind, it's here.
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365. Well, if it isn't
the belle of the ball.
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366. You throw a lovely party,
milady.
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367. Are you having a good time?
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368. Did you wear
my favorite outfit on purpose?
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369. Andy, you look awful.
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370. You're four seasons in a day.
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371. You got the autumn thing
going on.
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372. But if you put on baby...
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373. Mm.
But if you put on a blue...
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374. It's springtime in the rockies.
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375. - Are you all right?
- No!
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376. Insert it in my mouth.
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377. Okay, that's not gonna make
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378. Your pizza-eating experience
any better, trust me.
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379. Oh, try me.
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380. Jim, just don't think
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381. Of it as degrading.
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382. Think of it as you happen
to be moving the pizza
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383. Six inches this way,
and he happens to be biting it.
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384. I'd prefer for him
to think of it as degrading.
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385. Okay.
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386. Crust first.
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387. Okay.
Now the beer.
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388. Beer me, Jim.
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389. Gentle.
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390. Now I've got to go meet Angela.
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391. What?
No, wait.
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392. You said you were gonna help us.
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393. I have a legal obligation
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394. To Angela, okay?
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395. She needs to be serviced.
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396. - You need to stop talking.
- Oh, God.
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397. Oh, come on.
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398. Can we stop
the fake prissy act?
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399. Join the real world.
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400. Sex contracts exist, okay?
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401. Okay, fine,
there must be some way
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402. To get out of it,
even just for tonight.
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403. Yeah, sure.
Jim can go see her.
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404. - Okay.
- You've been
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405. With a blonde before?
It's the big leagues.
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406. I'm going home,
and I'm taking my baby.
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407. No, no, don't.
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408. I will go talk to Angela.
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409. She is in heat.
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410. She will eat your face off.
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411. The reverse cycling
ends tonight.
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412. A single piece
of pepperoni, please.
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413. I'm not...
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414. What are you doing?
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415. I wanted to eat a pig
in a blanket... In a blanket.
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416. Are you all right?
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417. Erin likes Gabe.
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418. I know.
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419. I thought you two
were nice together.
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420. Do you think
that they've ever...
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421. Made love?
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422. I don't know.
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423. Well, girls tell each other
things, right?
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424. I'll see what I can find out.
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425. Where you been?
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426. I just went out for a walk.
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427. Cable's out.
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428. What?
Really?
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429. That stinks.
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430. It's still on upstairs.
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431. What does that mean?
Party's over?
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432. Everybody leaves?
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433. Are you sure?
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434. Hey, puck and Finn
worked it out,
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435. And the solo is now a duet.
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436. - Are you kidding me?
- No.
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437. That's going on.
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438. I can't believe
we're missing that.
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439. Boy, I wish I could see that.
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440. You know what, I have an idea.
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441. I don't know
if it's gonna work,
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442. But let me give it this... okay.
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443. I'm gonna give it a shot.
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444. Please, Michael,
Copy !req
445. Just make the glee happen.
Copy !req
446. - Good luck, Michael.
- Erin.
Copy !req
447. So how long have you two
been going out now?
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448. Oh, like three months.
Copy !req
449. I imagine things are starting
to heat up.
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450. I don't know.
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451. Of course, you don't want
to rush things.
Copy !req
452. I mean, the anticipation
can be so exquisite.
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453. Bob and I took our time.
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454. The first time
we saw each other naked,
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455. We didn't even make love.
Copy !req
456. We just stared at each other
until we fell asleep.
Copy !req
457. It was magical.
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458. - I have to go, Phyllis.
- Really magical.
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459. Hey in there.
It's me, Pam.
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460. It's not Dwight.
Don't think it's Dwight.
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461. What are you doing here?
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462. I know you and Dwight
have this weird deal.
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463. Um, he sent me out here
to see if you could postpone.
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464. Are you authorized to do this?
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465. Yes.
I have been so authorized.
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466. Okay, well, tell him
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467. That we'll do this
tomorrow night instead.
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468. Okay.
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469. Wait, Pam, Pam.
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470. How did he seem?
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471. You know, like,
did he seem disappointed?
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472. You know,
there are a lot of guys
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473. Out there who would just love
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474. And appreciate a woman lik...
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475. You know what,
Pam, just save it.
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476. You did this?
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477. No, I was just check...
yes.
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478. I did.
Yes.
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479. Yes.
Why won't you like him?
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480. What is there to like?
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481. He's just...
he's a weird, little,
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482. Skeevy guy with no waist.
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483. Why do you care
whether we like him or not?
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484. I care if you like him.
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485. Why?
I'm not your father.
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486. All right.
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487. - Okay.
- Go to your room.
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488. What?
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489. Go to your room, young lady.
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490. Um, I'm not going to my room.
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491. You listen to me.
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492. You listen good.
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493. You are not to see
that boy anymore.
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494. You listen to me.
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495. You are not to tell me
what to do.
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496. As long as you are living
under this roof,
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497. You are going to do what I say.
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498. I hate your roof.
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499. Oh, do not raise
your voice to me.
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500. I'll raise it all I want.
I'll raise the roof.
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501. I will pull this car over.
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502. I hate it.
I hate your car.
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503. See you, Oscar.
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504. If you break that girl's heart,
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505. I will kill you.
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506. It's just a figure of speech.
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507. But seriously
if you break that girl's heart,
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508. I will literally kill you
and your entire family.
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509. Gabe, just go
and have fun with Erin.
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510. But not too much fun.
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511. That girl's
gonna Rn my hair gray.
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