1. I know a lot of us
have been feeling
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2. under the weather lately,
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3. it's that time of year
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4. and according to a study
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5. done by the
University of Arizona,
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6. they discovered that
your keyboards
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7. have hundreds of time
more bacteria
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8. per square inch
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9. Than a toilet seat.
I heard your mama has more bacteria per square inch
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10. Stop.
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11. One of the simplest ways
to cut down
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12. On the spread of germs
is to use something
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13. Called the vampire cough.
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14. Did you say vampire?
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15. Oh, no, it's just that,
if a vampire had to cough,
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16. He would do it like this.
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17. Right,
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18. And ruin their cloaks?
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19. Do you have any idea
how expensive wool is
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20. In Transylvania?
'cause of the euro.
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21. Well, other things you can do
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22. To help cut down
on the spread of disease
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23. Are to wash your hands
regularly,
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24. Don't come in if you're sick,
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25. And get your flu shot.
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26. Also, I'm going to set up
hand-sanitizing stations
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27. Around the office.
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28. No.
No, no.
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29. They will cost you your life.
Elaborate.
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30. The worst thing you can do
for your immune system
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31. Is to coddle it.
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32. They need to fight
their own battles.
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33. If Sabre really cared
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34. About our well-being,
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35. They would set up
hand-desanitizing stations.
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36. A simple bowl at every juncture
filled with dirt, vomit,
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37. Fecal matter.
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38. - I'm not going to do that.
- Exposing yourself to germs
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39. Is the best way
to make yourself stronger.
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40. So by that rationale,
if I had to sneeze,
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41. I should just sneeze on you.
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42. Yes.
I would welcome it.
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43. You're welcome.
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44. The principle is sound.
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45. To avoid illness,
expose yourself to germs,
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46. Enabling your immune system
to develop antibodies.
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47. I don't know
why everyone doesn't do this.
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48. Maybe they have something
against living forever.
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49. Jim.
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50. Pam.
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51. And the precious bundle
of God's best everything.
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52. I wish you both a pleasant day.
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53. And you too.
Yes. Praise God.
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54. Okay.
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55. Cece's getting christened
today.
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56. - Big day.
- Everyone from work is here.
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57. We weren't planning on that.
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58. Nope.
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59. Top o' the Sunday morning
to you.
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60. And a top o' the day
to you too, sir.
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61. I hope you brought your pipes.
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62. We're about to smoke the opium
of the masses.
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63. - Oh, yes,
doobie-doobie-doo.
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64. I invited everyone
in the office
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65. Because it's not a day
for just Jim
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66. Or Pam or the baby or me.
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67. It is about us all.
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68. And I thought
we should all celebrate
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69. My joy and our...
all of our joys.
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70. Ah, man.
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71. Does the nard dog
want nard pups?
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72. Yeah. I want a big old litter
of nard pups,
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73. All jumping around
and sucking on the teat.
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74. Put 'em in a box,
give 'em to my neighbors.
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75. Yeah, I want kids.
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76. For all your paper
and printer needs.
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77. For all your paper
and printer needs.
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78. For all your paper
and printer need
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79. Sunday church service.
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80. It's been a few years.
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81. The big guy and I, we've got
some catching up to do.
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82. Hey. Hey.
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83. I got an offer
that you can't refuse.
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84. Scooch over.
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85. Oh, Michael,
this is just for family.
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86. But I'm the godfather.
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87. It is really funny,
but you know
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88. That can be confusing
at a christening,
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89. Because you are not
the godfather.
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90. Are you talking to me?
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91. - Okay, your turn.
- Scooch,
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92. Before I shoot you in the head.
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93. Okay, Michael, um,
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94. You know I love when you do
that voice,
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95. But today, I'm so sorry,
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96. Need you to tell me
that you know
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97. You're not Cece's godfather.
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98. Yeah.
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99. I'm sorry, Michael.
I need you to say it.
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100. I'm so sorry.
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101. I'm not the godfather.
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102. Okay. Thank you.
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103. So who is the godfather?
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104. Our friend Seth
and his wife there.
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105. Okay.
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106. Old friend, like, you've known
him since kindergarten?
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107. No, I met his wife
in mommy and me.
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108. They're a great couple.
You should meet them later.
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109. No, I have plenty of friends,
so...
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110. All right, well,
you have great seats.
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111. Enjoy the show.
Okay.
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112. Thank you for coming, Michael.
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113. I don't even know
how to say this.
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114. But Cece is turning out
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115. To be a little b-I-t-c-h.
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116. And that's not true,
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117. But her parents are Ki.
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118. Good morning.
Good morning.
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119. - Good morning.
- What a terrific day this is.
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120. And not just because the eagles
are playing.
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121. You may ha see
the bus out front.
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122. Today we also say good-bye
to our young adult ministry.
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123. They're leaving
for three months
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124. To build a school
for the village of Quimixto
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125. In Cabo Corrientes, Mexico.
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126. I've heard of that place.
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127. If you go to Cabo San Lucas,
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128. All the prostitutes
are from Cabo Corrientes.
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129. Okay, this is...
all right, this is silly.
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130. Nope, nope, nope, nope,
nope, nope, nope, nope.
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131. And thank you for your prayers
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132. For Justin.
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133. We hope for a speedy recovery.
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134. Thank you.
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135. Anyone else with a prayer
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136. Or a remembrance?
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137. Good morning.
Dwight Schrute.
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138. Thank you all for your prayers
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139. And your remembrances.
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140. Like Justin
and his disfigurement,
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141. I too have had a horrible year.
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142. They say that the middle class
is disappearing,
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143. And, with it,
the soul of America.
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144. , as a gift
to this beautiful congregation,
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145. I would like to offer
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146. A 4% discount on all
Dunder Mifflin Sabre products
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147. If you buy a printer
at full price
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148. Christening calls
to repentance,
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149. To faithfulness,
and to discipleship.
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150. We've come to celebrate
these babies.
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151. Somebody needs a change.
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152. Right now?
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153. Well, she can't bring this up
with her.
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154. Okay.
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155. All right, come on.
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156. Where are we going?
Where are we going
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157. We're gonna take
a little field trip.
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158. Okay. Okay.
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159. There's my girl.
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160. All right.
Hold on one second.
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161. There we go.
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162. What's that face for?
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163. Oh, my...
oh, my God.
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164. Cece, no.
No, no, no... not on the dress.
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165. Cece, stop.
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166. - What?
- What?
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167. - Honey, no.
- Yes.
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168. No, no.
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169. This is happening.
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170. We have an extra outfit
in the bag.
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171. No. There's
no extra outfit in the bag.
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172. - You said you checked it.
- I did... Say that.
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173. At this time, will the
families please come join me?
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174. Jim and Pam
and Cece really seem
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175. To be clicking.
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176. They are totally gelling.
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177. It's as if they leave my office
and they go to another office
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178. That sells happiness.
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179. And good for them.
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180. That's great,
because, you know,
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181. The paper industry's
not gonna last forever.
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182. Before we go,
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183. I'd like to remind everyone
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184. That the "halberts"
have been kind enough
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185. To host a reception next door
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186. Immediately
following the service.
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187. Mm. No.
Wrong both counts.
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188. Okay, 'a, ' "halbert"?
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189. And, 'b, ' I think a more
appropriate statement would be,
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190. "the halberts are hosting
an intimate reception
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191. For their invited guests."
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192. For all their generosity
of spirit,
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193. They password-protect
their wireless?
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194. Try Jesus.
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195. Opus Dei.
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196. Hi.
Good morning.
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197. - Good morning.
- Good morning.
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198. - Good morning.
- Hello.
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199. How are you?
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200. Good morning.
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201. Good morning.
Good morning.
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202. I am feeling this.
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203. Call it the Holy spirit
or the passion of the Christ.
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204. I am loving these people.
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205. - Hi.
- Thanks for having us.
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206. I'm Doug McPherson,
Davey's Uncle.
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207. Oh, well,
Dave is an adorable baby.
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208. Davey.
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209. Yeah.
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210. Wow.
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211. Well, this is intimate.
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212. We just had to add
a few more tables.
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213. We weren't expecting
this many people.
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214. You don't know them all?
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215. Nope, and we're gonna need
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216. A loaves and fishes
kind of miracle
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217. To feed 'em all.
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218. Jesus is not your caterer.
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219. But he should be your caterer,
'cause you're a little angel.
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220. Why didn't your parents get you
a caterer?
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221. They don't think.
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222. Hmm.
Don't listen to her.
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223. She's just jealous 'cause
she doesn't get to come home
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224. To someone as cute as you.
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225. Huh, you think she is jealous
about having a baby?
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226. I don't know.
I'm just hungry.
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227. Okay, well, you know what,
everybody's hungry.
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228. Sorry.
I think I'm just hungry.
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229. Oh, after you.
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230. - Oh, no, after you.
- No, I insist. After me.
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231. I'm gonna use that one.
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232. Have a good lunch.
Thank you. You too.
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233. This is not the meal
I was promised.
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234. I'm going to have no energy
for the rest of the day.
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235. I canceled my plans to come
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236. To this thing,
and they repay me with this?
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237. You know what, guys,
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238. Let's just enjoy lunch.
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239. With what?
How?
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240. Sometimes, Michael.
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241. Sometimes.
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242. Excuse me, everyone,
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243. On behalf of the youth ministry
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244. That's leaving for Mexico,
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245. I just wanted
to thank our hosts
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246. And tell you
about those good-looking guys
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247. And gals over there.
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248. Teach for America girls
are way hotter,
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249. But they're nuts.
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250. This is Jessica Ortega.
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251. I met her when both she and I
were both seven years old
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252. When my parents took me
to Quimixto on a service trip.
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253. Who takes a kid to Mexico?
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254. I would run to Mexico if
that's where the sandwiches are.
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255. - Shh.
- Right now, Jessica's children
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256. Have to walk 12 miles
to a school with dirt floors.
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257. No.
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258. It's gonna be three months
of hard work,
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259. And when we're done, we'll
practically be Quimixtanos.
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260. Greg, hello, it's Dwight
from the vestibule.
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261. You want to know
my 11th commandment?
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262. I will not be undersold.
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263. Hey, Dwight.
Dwight, hey.
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264. I am ready to love thy neighbor
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265. With these kind of discounts.
Are you kidding me?
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266. Stop it.
I'll call you back.
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267. My parents explained it
to me this way.
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268. You wouldn't hesitate to save
a family member
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269. From a burning building,
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270. But what if the earth
was your building
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271. And all the people on it
were your family?
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272. What if the moon was your car
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273. And Jupiter
was your hair brush?
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274. - Shh.
- Thank you.
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275. Or should I say gracias?
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276. Cece went down.
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277. What was this?
You're out of it.
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278. - Scones.
- I didn't get one.
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279. Well, if it makes you
feel better,
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280. I didn't get one either.
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281. Is it just the one jug
of apple cider?
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282. Who the heck was that?
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283. I think that was sconesy cider,
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284. Noted baptism reception critic.
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285. We need more food.
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286. I'll go get some subs and sodas.
All right.
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287. And cider.
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288. Look at that.
Look at that.
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289. That's fun.
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290. We need to do stuff together
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291. Outside of work.
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292. Let's go help Africa.
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293. Let's go build an airport.
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294. We'll start small.
We'll have a carwash.
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295. We'll send some cheerleaders
to regionals.
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296. You could feed the hungry.
Us.
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297. Why do we have
to do something together?
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298. I volunteer at a clinic
on my own time.
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299. - Yeah, well,
that's just a pick-up scene.
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300. Okay, we don't have
to volunteer.
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301. But I think we should hang out
more together.
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302. We are hanging out...
right now.
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303. You want some more of this?
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304. Look at these people.
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305. These are church-going people.
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306. And they know how to party.
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307. Church isn't a party, Michael.
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308. - Well, it's... it's...
- welcome to the party.
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309. Everybody have their kool-aid?
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310. No.
Okay, you know what?
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311. This is inappropriate.
What is wrong with you guys?
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312. What is wrong with you?
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313. What is so horrible
about wanting to get together
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314. And do something nice?
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315. Why did you guys
even come today?
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316. What's so great about your lives
that you think
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317. You're better
than everybody else?
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318. That you can make fun
of everybody else?
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319. You're mean.
You're mean girls.
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320. Like the movie mean girls.
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321. And Kevin and Stanley,
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322. If you don't stop worrying so
much about what you're gonna put
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323. In your gullet, you're gonna die
in about a month.
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324. Oh, hey, meemaw,
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325. Would you watch Cece
for a second?
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326. Don't worry.
She's asleep.
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327. I'm just gonna track down
some more chairs.
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328. Fine, fine.
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329. I guess I'll watch Suzanne's
purse and your baby.
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330. Bye.
Good luck.
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331. Good luck to you.
Bye.
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332. Do good.
Do good.
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333. Bye. Have fun.
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334. We're proud of you.
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335. Bye.
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336. Okay.
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337. Hey. Hey.
Is this the bus to Mexico?
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338. Yeah!
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339. - I'll take a shirt.
- Are you coming?
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340. - If you'll have me, yes.
- Heck, yes.
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341. Really?
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342. Thank you.
All right.
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343. Michael?
Get off the bus.
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344. No, I'm not.
I'm staying on the bus.
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345. I'm already on the bus.
I'm going.
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346. Michael, this is irresponsible.
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347. It is not irresponsible!
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348. I have never
been more confident
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349. About a decision in my life.
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350. I agree.
I think it's superb.
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351. Well, you have a job to do.
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352. Okay, there is no off-season
when it comes to printer sales.
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353. You know what, my job
will be here when I get back.
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354. Michael, you can't
go to Mexico.
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355. You don't have your passport.
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356. You don't need one to get in.
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357. Plus, we can just have it
sent to him down in Mexico.
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358. Hey, right?
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359. Michael, what am I supposed
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360. To tell my clients
if they ask about you?
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361. Tell them that I died
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362. And I turned into an angel,
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363. And, when they feel a breeze
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364. In a room
with all the windows closed
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365. Or that... that chill
on the back of their neck,
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366. That is just me
watching over them.
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367. Okay, but what about
the bigger corporate accounts?
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368. Tell them
that I'm in a meeting.
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369. Michael, I am just
about to close a sale.
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370. Can I authorize a 15% discount?
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371. - No, you may not.
- Gah!
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372. I think it's really cool,
Michael.
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373. I wish I had a job
that I could just leave.
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374. Thank you.
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375. Save me an aisle seat,
Michael! I'm coming!
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376. I will not stand idly by
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377. While these Mexican villagers
are sick.
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378. We're actually building 'em
a school.
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379. Whatever.
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380. I won't...
I won't stand for it.
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381. See you in a few months.
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382. If the whole world
were like you guys,
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383. We wouldn't have
so many problems.
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384. Mm.
That's not gonna happen.
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385. We're one in a million.
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386. I know.
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387. Nobody I know
would leave their jobs
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388. And friends and families
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389. To do manual labor
for three months.
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390. Well, you know what, everybody
thinks that I am crazy,
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391. And that tells me that I am
the sanest person I know.
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392. So...
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393. Just a heads up. Probably
gonna be borrowing a few things.
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394. Gonna need a contact lens case,
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395. Some sunscreen, some sandals...
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396. Why you always got to be
so mean to me?
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397. Uh, meemaw, where's Cece?
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398. I don't know.
I lost the purse too.
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399. Okay.
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400. - Good-bye, Lackawanna county.
Copy !req
401. How long till we get to Mexico?
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402. Well, two days minus how long
we've been on the road.
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403. 45 minutes?
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404. So, like, two days basically.
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405. Maybe more.
Ooh.
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406. What are we building
down there again?
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407. Like, a hospital?
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408. A school for Mexicans?
What?
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409. I don't know, I thought
it was like a gymnasium or...
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410. Why aren't they building it
themselves?
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411. They don't know how.
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412. Do we know how?
I don't know how.
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413. - Well, Carla knows.
- You know how?
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414. Carla knows.
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415. Oh, I feel like there were
so many more people on this bus.
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416. There were, like,
200, 300 people before.
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417. Hey, Carla?
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418. Carla?
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419. Hi.
What are you doing?
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420. Oh, trying to sleep.
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421. What is happening?
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422. Oh, God, what is happening?
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423. Do you smell
like a weird, warm cheese?
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424. Oh, God, you know what?
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425. I am gonna be in Mexico
for my half-birthday.
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426. - And the Christmas party.
- And cinco De Mayo.
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427. Nah. No, we'll be back
before that.
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428. No, we...
you know how these things go.
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429. Construction projects,
they say three months,
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430. And then, after two years,
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431. The lazy bums
haven't even started.
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432. Now we're those lazy bums.
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433. I gotta get off this bus.
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434. Hey, guys,
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435. Has anybody seen the baby?
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436. Here's her carrier,
but no Cece.
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437. Jim, Jim, I want
to give a toast.
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438. Where's the little girl
of honor?
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439. I don't know, dad.
I don't know.
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440. I don't mean to bug,
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441. But do you know when those subs
are due into port?
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442. I got a hungry bunch
of McPhersons over there.
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443. I don't know.
Hey, have you seen my baby?
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444. I think maybe some blonde lady
had her.
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445. A small blonde woman?
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446. - Smaller than me.
- Everyone.
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447. Everyone, can I just have
your attention?
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448. Has anyone seen a small...
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449. Stop that tiny, blonde woman!
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450. She stole my baby!
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451. What are you doing?
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452. - Give me that baby.
- What? Kevin!
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453. Hi, honey.
I was just changing the baby.
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454. - Hi.
- Honey.
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455. Hi.
All right.
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456. Travel safe, Angela.
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457. Did you think I stole
your baby?
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458. What's that?
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459. Oh, yeah, back then I did.
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460. Just now.
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461. So don't,
because I've got my eye on you.
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462. Look at these scones, Jim.
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463. Thousands of them.
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464. What kind of a person
steals scones
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465. From a baby?
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466. Someone put them in my bag.
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467. So that was lunch, eh?
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468. McPherson troop,
let's haul out.
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469. Rendezvous at friendly's.
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470. Did you lose Cece?
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471. Yeah.
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472. Yeah, a little bit.
I did.
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473. Can you fake a seizure
or a heart attack or something?
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474. I can make myself cry.
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475. Do that.
Do it.
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476. Should I... I got it.
I got it.
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477. Um, hey, I saw a sign
for a scenic overlook coming up.
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478. Really love
to check out the view.
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479. Can't stop.
We're on a schedule.
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480. Well, there's a nice bistro
coming up.
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481. We could pick up some Paninis
for the road.
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482. Maybe we'll stop in Tennessee.
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483. It's not safe
to talk to a driver.
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484. Okay, driver, driver, if
you're not gonna stop this bus,
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485. Then I'm going to stop it
for you.
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486. Okay?
Hang on.
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487. Stopping in Tennessee.
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488. Hey, is there a problem,
you guys?
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489. Yeah, just get him
to stop the bus, please.
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490. - Why?
- Just make him stop
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491. The freaking bus!
Stop the bus, okay?
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492. Are you okay, sir?
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493. I didn't sign up for this.
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494. You guys are young,
that's great.
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495. You want to give back
to society.
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496. I've done that.
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497. I need to take.
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498. You have plenty left to give.
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499. You're doing...
- blah-Di-blah!
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500. It doesn't matter.
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501. We could go back and forth
all day.
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502. It's not gonna solve anything.
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503. If we went to Mexico,
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504. We'd probably screw
everything up anyway.
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505. Do you want that
for little Jessica?
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506. No, you don't.
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507. And the answer is clear.
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508. Stop the bus. Okay?
Stop the bus!
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509. Stop the bus!
Stop the bus!
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510. Okay, stop the dang bus.
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511. Okay, well, a pleasure.
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512. Go save the world.
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513. We'll keep an eye on America
for you.
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514. Wait for me!
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515. Don't say anything
to my parents.
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516. Get in quick.
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517. - Why quick?
- So it's faster.
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518. Do you guys want me
to take you home
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519. Or go back to the church?
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520. Is anyone still at the church?
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521. No. Actually, most of them
went to go see a movie.
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522. What?
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523. - Shut up.
- Yeah.
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524. It is so nice to be back
in a country that has movies.
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525. - I bet, you guys...
- Can I come?
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526. Lake****gun is on.
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527. - Do you guys ** with that?
- Banana bread, but,
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528. Fred Northquest had no appetite, he was
thinking about his par of new boots.
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529. And ten years after all,
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530. as he told Mrs. Northquest
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531. it would take two years to get
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532. comfortable with the new boots.
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