1. ? did sweeney Todd?
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2. ? the demon barber
of fleet street?
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3. Did you write this?
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4. - No.
- Who did?
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5. - Stephen sondheim.
- Who is he?
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6. ? swing your razor wide,
sweeney?
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7. ? hold it to to the skies?
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8. ? freely flows the blood
of those who moralize?
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9. What the hell is happening?
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10. We are the cast
of sweeney Todd:
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11. The demon barber
of fleet street.
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12. We open in a couple of weeks
at the loose screw playhouse,
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13. Here in Scranton,
and today, just doing...
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14. a wee bit
of viral marketing, gov'nor!
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15. ? attend
the tale of sweeney Todd?
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16. ? ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh?
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17. ? he served a dark
and a vengeful God?
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18. ? he served
a dark and a vengeful God?
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19. ? ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh?
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20. ? what happens then,
well, that's the play?
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21. ? and he wouldn't want us
to give it away?
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22. ? not sweeney Todd?
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23. ?
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24. ? the demon barber of fleet?
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25. ? street?
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26. Wha ho ho!
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27. Oh, that was amazing!
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28. That was awesome!
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29. I auditioned for this!
When did the cast list go up?
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30. Like a month ago.
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31. Really?
They didn't call me!
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32. Who am I playing?
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33. Andy?
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34. Two comps for m'lady
and her Gabe.
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35. It's closing night.
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36. Tomorrow we have to give
the theater over
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37. To the Scranton's
miss fitness pageant.
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38. I am so excited,
but I just need one.
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39. Gabe can't come.
Sorry.
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40. - What?
- Yeah.
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41. That's awful.
Everyone's gonna miss that guy.
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42. Gabe is not coming,
which is huge,
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43. Because my plan is to make Erin
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44. Fall back in love
with me tonight.
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45. Women cannot resist
a man singing show tunes.
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46. It's so powerful,
even a lot of men
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47. Can't resist a man
singing show tunes.
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48. - Oh, who else is going?
- Everyone.
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49. Gabe seemed to think
no one was going.
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50. What kind of terrible
rumor monger is Gabe?
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51. He is woefully ill informed,
all right?
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52. Excuse me,
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53. Clink, clink, clink, clink,
everybody.
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54. You're all coming
to my show tonight, right?
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55. Andy, what time's it start?
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56. - 8:00 P.M. Sharp.
- How long is it?
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57. - Hour, 45.
- No, I can't make it.
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58. They say that no one
can take your pride,
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59. But the people who cast
Andy's play,
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60. They took mine.
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61. Jim, Pam,
you guys are in, right?
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62. Oh, we wanted to,
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63. But our sitter
just fell through.
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64. I'm really sorry.
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65. Dwight?
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66. Uh, no, thank you.
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67. Last time I went
to the theater,
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68. A man dressed as a cat
sat on my lap.
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69. It would mean so much to me
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70. If you came to my show tonight.
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71. I can't, Andy.
It's too hard.
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72. That's...
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73. I put everything I had
into that audition.
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74. Do you understand that?
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75. If it makes
you feel any better,
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76. No one who auditioned
for the part of sweeney Todd
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77. Got that part.
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78. They had to bring in a ringer.
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79. Wow.
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80. This guy's, like, world class.
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81. You should not feel bad.
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82. I'm asking you
thespian to thespian.
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83. Will you please
be the bigger man
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84. And come to my show?
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85. I wish I could, Andy,
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86. But I can't.
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87. I have plans that night.
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88. I'm going to see a friend
in a play called sweeney Todd.
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89. You're that friend.
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90. I'm going to see your play.
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91. Noishe!
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92. And scene.
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93. Listen, I would like you to
take me to Andy's play tonight.
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94. Please, waste of time.
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95. You know what? Let's just knock
this out right now.
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96. Disrobe.
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97. Angela?
Don't like her anymore.
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98. Not attracted to her anymore.
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99. Just contractually obligated
to make a baby with her.
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100. Give me the punch card.
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101. No. If you want to punch
the punch card,
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102. You have to
take me to the show.
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103. That is not in the contract.
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104. Well, there's a lot
of gray area in that clause.
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105. Do you want to re-mediate?
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106. All right, fine!
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107. I'll go to your little show,
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108. But I'm not wearing a cape.
Thank you.
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109. Dwight and I have
a contractual agreement
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110. To procreate five times,
plain and simple.
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111. And should he develop
feelings for me?
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112. Well, that would be permissible
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113. Under item 7c, clause 2,
so I would not object.
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114. Hey.
How are those salads?
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115. It's my own fault...
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116. My parents used to scramble
to find babysitters
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117. So they could take
my little brother to do stuff.
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118. I understand
how hard it can be.
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119. I just... tonight,
I mean, if you could...
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120. We'll keep looking.
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121. - Yes!
- Really?
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122. I mean, who knows?
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123. Maybe I have a niece
my family never told me about.
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124. Oh, my gosh,
that would be amazing.
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125. - Yeah.
- For a lot of reasons.
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126. Yeah, I know.
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127. Neiche!
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128. Oh, hey, guys.
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129. You brought balloons to a play?
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130. I did, because
I am being the bigger man,
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131. And balloons are bigger
than flowers.
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132. It's nice, like up.
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133. Yes.
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134. Excuse me.
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135. Are you the guy that did
an entire law & order episode
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136. For his audition?
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137. Nope.
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138. - Guys?
- Hey!
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139. - Andy!
- Hey!
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140. You all made it.
Thank you so much.
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141. You should actually thank Erin.
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142. She's the one who agreed
to babysit.
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143. She's babysitting?
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144. I really wanted to see
Andy's play,
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145. Because he's so, so talented,
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146. But I've been trying to get
in the babysitting game forever.
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147. The 13-year-olds
in this town
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148. Have a complete monopoly.
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149. It's almost like
a babysitters' club.
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150. I understand.
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151. This is like...
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152. Huge opportunity for her.
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153. This is ridiculous.
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154. You'd think they'd
discourage people
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155. From bringing in balloons.
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156. Hey, I think this guy playing
sweeney Todd is my plumber.
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157. No, Darryl.
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158. This guy's
a world-class actor.
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159. He doesn't daylight
as your plumber.
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160. No, it's my plumber.
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161. Says so in his bio.
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162. Apparently, the director
discovered him doing karaoke.
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163. It's his first play.
He didn't even audition.
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164. are you kidding me?
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165. Shh!
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166. If we don't listen
to the overture,
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167. We won't recognize
the musical themes
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168. When they come back later.
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169. All right, I'm sorry.
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170. God.
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171. ? attend the tale
of sweeney Todd?
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172. ? his skin was pale
and his eye was odd?
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173. ? he shaved the faces
of gentlemen?
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174. ? who never thereafter
were heard of again?
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175. ? he trod the path
that few have trod?
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176. ? did sweeney Todd?
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177. ? the demon barber
of fleet street?
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178. ?
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179. ? he kept a shop
in london town?
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180. Excuse me, I think
you may be in the wrong seats.
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181. ? of fancy clients
and good renown?
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182. Oooh!
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183. ? what if none of their souls
were saved?
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184. ? they went to their maker
impeccably shaved?
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185. ? by sweeney?
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186. ?
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187. ? by sweeney Todd?
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188. ? the demon barber
of fleet street?
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189. ? I feel you?
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190. ? johanna?
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191. ? I feel you?
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192. ? I was half convinced
I waited?
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193. I work
with that guy.
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194. ? satisfied enough
to dream you?
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195. ? happily I was mistaken?
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196. ? johanna?
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197. ugh!
There's gum on the seat,
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198. And now it's on my work skirt.
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199. I have to go change.
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200. Too bad I'm not gonna
explain anything that you miss.
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201. Oh, Dwight, just move.
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202. ? do they think
that walls can hide you?
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203. His name's Andy.
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204. He's a terrible salesman.
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205. ? I am in the dark beside you?
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206. ? buried sweetly?
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207. what time is it?
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208. ? in your yellow hair?
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209. Michael!
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210. Shelby Thomas weems,
the director.
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211. Hello.
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212. I promise you
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213. That if you keep auditioning
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214. With a similar gusto...
Okay.
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215. We are going to find
a production
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216. With a role for Michael Scott.
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217. - Okay.
- Yes?
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218. - Yes.
- Good.
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219. - Good.
- Enjoy the second act.
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220. - You enjoy the second act.
- Have a refreshment.
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221. Thank you.
You, too.
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222. Oh, thank you, thank you.
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223. Come on, Dwight.
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224. Why are you dressed
like a seed catalog model?
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225. These are just my dirty
old gardening clothes.
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226. They were all that I had
in my car.
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227. Let's go.
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228. Hey, Erin, it's Pam.
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229. Hey, how you doin...
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230. No, no, don't put cece
on the phone,
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231. Because she can't talk yet.
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232. Okay. No, I was just calling
to see how everything's going.
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233. Yeah?
Yeah? It's good?
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234. The play?
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235. The play is kind of great.
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236. I mean, it's fun
to hear Andy sing
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237. In the appropriate setting.
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238. No, he's really sorry
you couldn't make it, too.
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239. Yeah.
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240. So thank you so much again.
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241. We're having a great time.
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242. Oh, they're
flashing the lights,
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243. So we should go in.
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244. Thanks. Bye.
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245. Okay, so we called,
and everything's fine.
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246. - Everything's fine.
- We can relax.
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247. We can relax.
Let's get our sweeney on.
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248. - ? then I go walking
with you-hoo?
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249. ? you-hoo?
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250. ? I warm me bones
on the esplanade?
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251. ? have tea and scones
with me gay young blade?
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252. Michael!
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253. ? and I'll knit a sweater?
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254. ? while you write a letter?
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255. ? unless we got better
to do-hoo?
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256. Anything you say.
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257. ? think how snug it'll be
underneath the flannel?
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258. ? when it's just you and me?
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259. ? and the English channel?
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260. ? in our cozy retreat,
kept all neat and tidy?
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261. ? we'll have chums
over every Friday?
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262. ? by the sea?
? anything you say?
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263. ? don't you love the weather?
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264. ? by the sea?
just checking my emails.
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265. See if I got
any last-minute "break a legs"
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266. Or "I still love you"
type texts.
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267. - ? by the seaside,
ooh-hoo?
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268. Doesn't look
like I got anything.
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269. Maybe on my facebook wall.
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270. - Unfortunately,
in this ham-fisted production
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271. Of sweeney Todd,
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272. The real terror comes
from the vocal performances.
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273. New paragraph.
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274. Mr. Todd! Mr. Todd!
I found her!
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275. You found johanna.
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276. That monster of a judge
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277. Has locked her...
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278. Locked her away...
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279. There's a little bird
uttering around.
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280. Do hope it ceases chirping.
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281. How is that funny?
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282. the bird continues to call.
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283. Someone please
turn off your... Bird.
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284. Oh, for the love...
turn your phone off!
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285. There are signs!
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286. Oh, it appears the bird
was in mine own pocket
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287. This whole time.
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288. He's gone to sleep now.
I closed his beak.
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289. Mmm...
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290. What is the news
of my darling daughter johanna?
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291. You know what?
Let me just double check,
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292. Make sure that bird...
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293. Okay, good.
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294. It's off.
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295. I mean, silenced.
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296. I silenced it by killing it.
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297. I've killed it!
I'm a murderer!
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298. Just like you, sweeney Todd!
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299. See? It all connects.
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300. Not that I know
you're a murderer.
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301. My character
doesn't know that yet.
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302. But I'm suspicious,
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303. Because of all the razors
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304. That you have laying around.
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305. and you spend time alone,
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306. But you're a barber,
so that'legit.
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307. So there's that.
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308. But...
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309. Where is johanna?
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310. - A madhouse.
- A madhouse?
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311. - Yes, a madhouse.
- A madhouse?
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312. Johanna is as good as rescued.
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313. Where do you suppose
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314. All the wig makers of london
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315. Go to obtain their human hair?
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316. Do you think...
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317. So you think...
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318. So you think...
fogg's asylum, why not?
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319. aah!
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320. Sounds like cece.
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321. Okay, I think everybody
just needs to relax.
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322. oh, my God, go, go.
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323. Oh, my God.
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324. That's really
irresponsible of Erin.
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325. S a ible bysitter.
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326. I just didn't think
you guys were gonna see us.
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327. We were just gonna stop by
and then get some ice cream
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328. And then go home.
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329. Okay, this was pretty simple.
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330. Why are you here?
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331. All you had to do
was play with her
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332. For, like, 30 minutes
and then put her to bed.
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333. Then we were kind of hoping
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334. That you wouldn't
touch her again.
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335. Babies shouldn't have
ice cream, by the way.
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336. I'm sorry.
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337. I just... I really wanted
to see Andy.
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338. You guys made it sound
so unmissable,
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339. And you set me up
with a car seat and everything.
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340. Well, the car seat was to
take her to the hospital or...
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341. But why would I take her
to the hospital?
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342. You know what,
it doesn't matter.
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343. It doesn't matter.
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344. Why don't I just take her home,
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345. And let you guys finish,
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346. And then you should stay out
as late as you want.
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347. No, we're good.
Thank you, though.
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348. - Yeah.
- Thanks.
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349. Okay. All right,
bye, cece.
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350. - Okay.
- All right.
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351. Well, we're never leaving
the house again.
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352. Not together.
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353. Boo!
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354. Boo!
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355. That was more horrifying
than nunsense.
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356. All that singing got in the way
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357. Of some perfectly good murders.
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358. Where's my car?
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359. Come on.
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360. Mmm! Fruit is so much better
when it's dried.
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361. I've already eaten,
like, 30 apricots.
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362. - Darryl?
- Hey!
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363. Didn't know
you were gonna be here.
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364. How's the toilet?
Silent.
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365. Look, congratulations.
Thank you.
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366. I had no idea.
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367. This plumber has pipes.
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368. Yeah, good job.
Well done.
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369. You're the guy who booed me.
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370. Hmm?
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371. No, there were
a lot of people booing you.
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372. I wasn't one of them.
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373. No, I saw you,
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374. And you were the only one.
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375. Get your eyes checked,
chucklehead.
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376. Be cool, Michael.
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377. I saw this guy kill
a bunch of people.
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378. Good work.
Thank you.
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379. You didn't have to boo him.
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380. Well, he was getting
a lot of applause,
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381. And I just didn't think
it was indicative
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382. Of how people
were really feeling.
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383. How would you like it
if we booed you?
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384. That would never happen.
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385. Boo!
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386. - Okay.
- Boo!
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387. I appreciate the feedback.
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388. Boo! Boo!
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389. I don't like that at all.
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390. Are you ready?
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391. Yes.
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392. Oh, I'm so scared!
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393. Okay, kill me!
Just kill me! Kill me!
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394. - Aah!
- Aah!
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395. Ah, blood everywhere.
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396. Oh, no.
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397. I'm so glad we're hanging
out again outside of work.
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398. Yeah, me, too.
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399. Okay, I kill you now.
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400. - Okay.
- All right.
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401. All right, let's do this.
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402. No, actually, Dwight,
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403. I didn't realize how far
this walk was,
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404. And I...
I'm exhausted.
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405. It's okay, I smell.
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406. No. No, no, no.
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407. I think I just want to go home,
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408. But it's okay.
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409. This can count
as one of your times.
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410. No, no, no.
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411. Contractually, we're obligated
to have sex.
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412. Well, I won't tell
if you don't.
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413. I will tell.
I will tell the mediator.
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414. What... what are you...
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415. Oh, okay.
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416. Oh, was that in the way?
Get rid of it.
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417. Oh.
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418. Good night, Dwight.
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419. Good night.
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420. These would have been
your seats.
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421. Best seats in the house.
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422. Lot of people think
it would be the front row,
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423. But, actually, right here,
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424. This is where
the speakers converge
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425. And the sound just, like,
nails you right here.
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426. This is awesome.
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427. oh.
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428. Sorry.
Oh.
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429. Hi, Gabe.
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430. Yeah, I just stopped
by Andy's cast party
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431. To say hi to everyone.
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432. Oh, sure, I can
pick you up some soup.
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433. What do you want?
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434. That's broth, Gabe.
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435. Okay, I...
I'll see you soup.
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436. Okay, I have to go.
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437. Thank you so much.
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438. This is so much fun,
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439. And I'm really sorry
that I missed your play,
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440. But next time, I'll be there.
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441. Or here.
Right here, I promise.
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442. Awesome.
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443. - Okay.
- See you later.
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444. Thank you.
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445. It's like the hurt locker.
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446. This night was a disaster.
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447. No, it was not a disaster.
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448. It was weird,
but it wasn't a disaster.
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449. I think we have, like,
a gift bottle of irish cream.
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450. Yeah?
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451. We could put that
in orange juice.
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452. - Get it.
- Yeah?
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453. - Let's get our juice on.
- Yeah.
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454. [to rhythm of who let the dogs
out] ruh ruh ruh ruh-ruh.
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455. Found him.
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456. Hey, what's going on here?
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457. Post-show blues?
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458. Yeah, I guess
you could say that.
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459. Yeah, I get those
every day after work.
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460. Your show
was really great, Andy.
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461. Interesting subject matter.
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462. I'm surprised
you pulled it off.
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463. It was like amateur hour.
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464. It was an amateur production,
technically.
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465. Oscar, enough
with the sass, please!
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466. God! What is wrong with you?
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467. Andy, listen to me.
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468. Look me in the eye.
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469. I thought
that you were awesome.
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470. Stop just saying that.
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471. I am not just saying that.
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472. You can trust that I am
telling you the truth.
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473. I booed someone tonight.
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474. I have no filter.
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475. And if I thought you were
terrible, I would have booed.
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476. And if I thought
you had done a better job,
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477. I would be saying
nicer things right now.
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478. But I thought that you were
exactly awesome.
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479. No better, no worse.
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480. Thank you.
That feels good.
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481. I did not say that
to make you feel good.
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482. I just said it.
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483. Total integrity.
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484. Andy, sing us another song.
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485. Thanks, but I feel
like a loner right now.
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486. Oh, come on, Andy.
You were the highlight.
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487. Come on, Andy, seriously.
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488. Andy! Andy! Andy!
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489. Andy! Andy!
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490. Okay, all right,
all right, all right.
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491. ? I try to say good-bye
and I choke?
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492. ? try to walk away
and I stumble?
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493. ? though I try to hide it,
it's clear?
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494. ? my world crumbles
when you are not here?
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495. ? I play it off,
but I'm dreaming of you?
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496. ? I keep my cool,
but I'm fiending?
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497. ? I try to say good-bye
and I choke?
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498. ? try to walk away
and I stumble?
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499. ? though I try and hide it,
it's clear?
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500. ? my world crumbles
when you are not here?
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501. ? my world?
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502. ? it crumbles?
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503. ? when you are not?
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504. ? here?
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505. In the criminal justice system,
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506. The people are represented
by two separate
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507. But equally important groups,
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508. The police who investigate
the crimes
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