The Office 7x23

1. So coasting time is officially over.

2. Big changes are coming, and they're coming fast.

3. If you don't like them, this is called a door.

4. You can walk right through it, all right?

5. I'm not here to be your friend.

6. I like my life outside of this place.

7. I live to leave at 5:00.

8. Change number one.

9. Darryl, per your request,

10. the company is sending you to business school at night.

11. Full ride. Deal with it.

12. Seriously?

13. Stone-cold seriously.

14. They are trying to figure me out,

15. and I don't like it.

16. Once they figure me out, they start to tell me

17. what I want to hear.

18. And I need to quickly figure out who's a good worker

19. and who is simply a good mind reader.

20. Because as soon as I'm hearing what I want to hear,

21. I'm not gonna care.

22. Change two, Toby, you're getting a new chair.

23. - Thanks. - Don't thank me.

24. Hey, don't thank me, guy, okay?

25. And I don't care if you like it.

26. These sound like good ideas.

27. Why wouldn't we like them?

28. I don't care what your favorite flavor is,

29. here's a bowl of ice cream.

30. You either like it or you don't.

31. That's my attitude right now in this room.

32. That's my attitude on Ice Cream Thursdays.

33. Pinball machine going in the break room, either Kiss

34. or "Phantom of the Opera"-themed one.

35. We don't know yet.

36. Won't know till the end of the week.

37. It will be quarterless.

38. You will not have to put quarters in it,

39. 'cause I don't want to hear any bitching and moaning

40. that I didn't bring enough quarters

41. to work to play pinball.

42. That slows down productivity,

43. and that gives me a headache.

44. You just reset it, because I don't want to hear about it.

45. Any complaints, you can send 'em

46. to my good buddy Gar Bage, all right?

47. Clear? Any questions?

48. This all sounds great to me.

49. But I could see how some people might think that they're bad.

50. I don't know what to think.

51. That is a—

52. An astute observation, Kevin.

53. Kev's got me pegged.

54. Not long before the others catch on too.

55. Um, I guess that's it for me.

56. Oh well, time to stop worrying

57. and start being happy about other things.

58. It blows away Vermont in the fall.

59. - For real? - Not even in—

60. - Good morning, Deangelo. - Hold on, Pam.

61. - Okay. - And if you're really serious,

62. you should go in the spring.

63. Because of the flowers.

64. No, because the entire state smells like earth.

65. Dogwoods or just the earth?

66. Yes, Pam.

67. Hey. Well, good morning.

68. I think I have good news for you today.

69. I found your new executive assistant,

70. my friend Carla.

71. She's got great experience.

72. We even considered making her Cece's godmother,

73. but she had this boyfriend at the time.

74. But here's her résumé.

75. - Put it with the rest. - Okay.

76. Hey, dudes.

77. - Hey. - Hey.

78. - Oh, my God, he hates me. - No, he doesn't.

79. You just get so nervous and hyper around him.

80. - I know. - Every time there's a silence,

81. your brain's like...

82. Is that what he tells you at your little inner circle

83. - meetings? - Careful.

84. There is no inner circle.

85. Oh, there's an inner circle.

86. Oh, yeah.

87. There is no inner circle.

88. Deangelo just prefers to delegate

89. a few things to a few guys.

90. Jim only says that because he's in the inner circle.

91. I also say that, because I am also in the inner circle.

92. Did you get that, Ma?

93. Your boy, Kevin Malone, is in the inner circle.

94. Which doesn't exist.

95. There he is. Got you a coffee.

96. Oh, wow, thank you. That was so kind of you.

97. Not a coffee guy, I take it, huh?

98. It's just that I own the coffee shop.

99. So once you've seen sausage being made, all you want to do

100. is make sausage because it's so much fun.

101. Listen, I've got a sixer.

102. "Automatic for the People" on the jukebox.

103. Let's hit the park after sundown, come on.

104. Pick up some sausage, if you want.

105. I think you'll find what you're looking for over there.

106. No matter how many times I reach out to Dwight,

107. he doesn't seem to want anything to do with me.

108. It reminds me of my relationship with my son,

109. except there, I'm the Dwight.

110. - Hey, there he is. - Here I am.

111. Hey, while I have you here,

112. my brother scored some major Los Lobos tickets in AC.

113. We're getting a party bus together,

114. heading down there this weekend.

115. You interested?

116. Can I drive the bus?

117. Probably not.

118. No, thank you.

119. Deangelo is a fine manager.

120. I'd give him a B.

121. The only reason it's not a B-plus

122. is he makes my skin crawl.

123. Don't know why. Just a quality, I guess.

124. So Deangelo has given us permission

125. to do basically whatever we want in order

126. to get rid of these 2010 printers.

127. Any ideas?

128. You know, I'd feel a lot more comfortable hearing

129. this directly from Deangelo.

130. Okay, well, he asked me to run this, so.

131. Well, you're not doing a very good job

132. because I don't have any ideas.

133. Andy, I—

134. What?

135. Okay, we will finish this another time.

136. Who's the biggest client in the state?

137. I say we go get them, whatever it takes.

138. Huh? What do you guys say?

139. - Yes. - Huh? Right?

140. - Let's do it. - Or my other idea,

141. 50,000 tiny clients.

142. Yeah, I say that we just go for it.

143. Mm-hmm, is that ball lighter than usual?

144. - Is that a Chinatown knockoff? - That's Toys "R" Us, I think.

145. No, that's definitely a knockoff.

146. You can feel the center of gravity is off.

147. Feel that.

148. - What do you think? - Oh, yeah, totally.

149. Jim, you got ripped off big-time.

150. Deangelo.

151. See what I did there?

152. Oh, that's what you need to do, just add a little English.

153. The British are coming.

154. - Yeah. - Deangelo's open!

155. Okay, so, yes, maybe Deangelo is a little bit of a talker.

156. He's new, you know.

157. He just wants to impress.

158. I get it.

159. What he doesn't realize is that he literally doesn't have

160. to do anything to impress these people.

161. Sweet Home AlaPama, check it out.

162. Oh, who's Bernard Andrews?

163. Me.

164. You want to be Deangelo's executive assistant?

165. God, no.

166. I can barely type 15 words a minute.

167. But I have to change the way that Deangelo perceives me.

168. I can't just be the funny guy.

169. Mm-kay?

170. So I give him the résumé, he checks it out,

171. and he's like, "Who's this stud?

172. I gotta meet him."

173. And then I'm like, "Hey, you already have, it's me.

174. It's the Nard Dog."

175. And then I'll be his guy.

176. Oh, yeah. Okay.

177. Well, if you think that'll work, I'll put it in the pile.

178. Do you think that will work?

179. Definitely.

180. Okay.

181. Hey, Ry.

182. Your department's killing it, baby.

183. Hey, my pleasure, my treasure.

184. Keep it up.

185. The problem with having "it," or the X factor,

186. or whatever it is you want to call it,

187. is that it's impossible to put into words

188. what you're bringing to the table.

189. So to make things simpler for Deangelo, I just,

190. without lying, strongly implied that I'm Kelly's supervisor.

191. It's not even that much of a stretch.

192. She pretty much does whatever I say.

193. - What? - I'm sorry,

194. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

195. Why should I pretend that you are my boss?

196. Because what would you have done in that situation, Kelly?

197. I'll tell you what I would have done for you,

198. I'd catch a grenade for you.

199. Oh, do not quote Bruno Mars to me.

200. I'd lie for you.

201. Yeah, but you lie all the time.

202. You lie for no reason.

203. Ryan, you just like to lie.

204. I'd die for you too.

205. You really would?

206. Hey, Kelly Kapoor, if I don't have those call logs

207. on my desk, we're just gonna have to evaluate your future

208. at the company.

209. Sure thing, Mr. Howard.

210. Whew, glad he's not my boss.

211. Oh, you're the best. Thank you.

212. Hey, Pam.

213. Uh, where are you hiding that stack of rezzies?

214. Oh. Right here.

215. And I took the liberty of putting

216. the most qualified people on top

217. to make it easier for you.

218. Okay, well, I could see why you might think

219. that would be helpful, but actually,

220. there's quite a bit of science to this.

221. Yeah.

222. Thank you nonetheless.

223. It's fair.

224. You know what? I'm done trying.

225. - You can have him. - Okay.

226. You felt the same way about Michael, right?

227. Then time passed and what happened?

228. He just named his new puppy after you.

229. Pamela Beagsley.

230. It's a beagle. It's really freaking cute.

231. You know, I have a cousin who cracked the secret formula

232. for a certain popular cola that I shall not name.

233. So I've never had to buy it.

234. True story.

235. I just drink my cousin's.

236. Congratulations on your one cousin.

237. I have 70, each one better than the last.

238. Okay. You know what?

239. Straight-up, why don't you like me?

240. I'm just not a suck-up like everyone else around here,

241. okay?

242. I do my job well, so why don't you just leave me alone

243. and let me do it, okay?

244. Oh, no.

245. - What? - Okay?

246. - I'm gonna win you over. - No, you're not.

247. - Yes, I am. - No.

248. - Oh, yes. - No.

249. - Yes. - No.

250. - Yes. - No.

251. - Yes. - No.

252. - Yes. - No.

253. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,

254. yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,

255. yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

256. Uh-oh.

257. This former administrative assistant

258. misspelled "administrative" and "assistant,"

259. so sorry, Bernard Andrews.

260. Yes. Sorry, guy.

261. This woman's last job was in 1995.

262. Though she is proficient in both the net and the web.

263. Sorry, moms just trying to reenter the workforce.

264. Not on my watch.

265. Wait.

266. This is funny. This guy—

267. This guy...

268. No, this guy's good.

269. The winner.

270. Under special skills, Mr. Don Feiner put "juggling."

271. What's wrong with juggling, Darryl?

272. I'm a big juggler.

273. I actually perform a motivational juggling routine.

274. Seriously?

275. Oh, yeah.

276. I'd do it for you here, but what would you say

277. this room is, 300 square feet, 320?

278. 320.

279. Just freeballin' it.

280. It's a little crammed.

281. How many square feet out there? 17, 18 hundo?

282. Oh, I think it's 18 hundo.

283. Give or take.

284. Sorry, gang.

285. Thought my juggling stuff was in the trunk of my car,

286. but it's not.

287. Oh, no, do you think it was stolen?

288. I got you covered, boss.

289. I used to play with the parabolas myself.

290. Got some extra balls.

291. Hey. Whoa.

292. I'm sorry. I—

293. I never touch another juggler's instruments.

294. You know, we're all here, I've got the music queued.

295. Why don't I just do my routine without the juggling balls?

296. Prepare to go into the danger zone.

297. - Oh, wow, you weren't kidding. - No, never.

298. Can someone please throw me a fifth ball?

299. If you dare.

300. Incoming!

301. And we're off.

302. Remember, nothing's impossible.

303. Phyllis? Where's Phyllis?

304. Here.

305. Do you believe in me, Phyllis?

306. - ... Yes. - 'Cause I believe in you.

307. Oh. Okay.

308. Feel that connection?

309. Don't move your head, please.

310. Thank you.

311. Big hand for Phyllis.

312. That took a lot of guts.

313. Oh.

314. Oh, no.

315. Uh-oh.

316. There it is.

317. Whoo!

318. - Oh. - Ho!

319. - Whoo! - I'm Deangelo Vickers.

320. Thank you so much. Hope you learned something.

321. He didn't drop a single ball.

322. How could you applaud for that?

323. I was just giving him the benefit of the doubt.

324. Come on, only a real juggler would know those moves.

325. Look, I'm juggling eggs and bowling balls.

326. I'm juggling with one hand.

327. No hands.

328. What could he possibly stand to gain

329. from a fake juggling routine?

330. What could he possibly stand to gain

331. from a real juggling routine?

332. How can you keep defending him?

333. He's good at his job, and I like working for him.

334. Of course you do, Jim. You're a man.

335. Deangelo is a huge sexist.

336. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

337. I think if he was sexist, I'd be able to tell.

338. I took a crap load of women's studies courses at Cornell.

339. And I wrote my own companion piece

340. to "The Vagina Monologues" called " The Penis Apologies,"

341. so I know a thing or two.

342. Okay, then how about

343. I'm the head of the accounting department,

344. but he only ever talks to Kevin.

345. What about Pam and Kelly? Also department heads.

346. But has he ever met with you

347. or even asked you to do anything?

348. How could I not see it?

349. You're so right.

350. I never really thought about it like that before,

351. - but now it seems obvious. - Mm-hmm.

352. Or the other explanation is he's just new

353. and he's not comfortable with everybody yet.

354. You said it yourself, you even thought you freaked him out

355. a little bit because you came on too strong.

356. - I know, but— - Hey, Jim's penis,

357. why don't you let us know when we can start talking

358. to Jim's brain again?

359. You're in the inner circle.

360. Why don't you talk to him about it?

361. And say what? "Hey, Deangelo,

362. are you shy or just a sexist?"

363. Why don't you just tell him how his actions

364. are being perceived by the women in this office?

365. Mm-hmm. And if he doesn't listen,

366. then he can kiss his penis goodbye.

367. Snip-snip. Am I right, girls?

368. Andy, please stop saying... "Penis."

369. Please.

370. Hey, you got a second?

371. Yeah. I got tons of time. This job's a joke.

372. - So what's up? - Um, really, it's nothing.

373. I was just talking to Angela and she was—

374. Hey, saw Jim come in. Are we meeting?

375. Yeah, sure. Let's make it a meeting.

376. If it's all right, can I just have, like,

377. - one minute alone just to go— - What's the big secret?

378. Like, why are you even whispering?

379. Come on, it's the guys.

380. I know, just the guys.

381. Well, maybe that's part of the problem, I think.

382. So what happened was, I was talking

383. to some of the department heads,

384. uh, some of the female department heads.

385. - Uh-oh. - Yeah, right?

386. - Hot. - Maybe there's a vibe

387. out there with certain members of the office

388. that you are a little sexist or—

389. - Damn. - Whoa, whoa.

390. That's—

391. Wait, are you serious?

392. Who feels this way?

393. Oh, like, nobody. It was—

394. - Pam? Was it Pam? - Oh, my gosh.

395. That sounds like Pam. You know how she gets.

396. Deangelo, she can get really bitchy.

397. Kevin.

398. Guys, hold on.

399. Doesn't matter who, okay?

400. I'm just happy that Jim brought it to my attention

401. because, honestly, I had no idea.

402. - That's awesome. - Thank you.

403. Mom, Ryan's taking us out to dinner tonight.

404. No, no, he's not gonna stand us up like he did last time.

405. He won't ever stand us up again.

406. So I am the new customer service supervisor.

407. When Deangelo's around.

408. And I am also a very dutiful boyfriend when—

409. - All the time. - All the time.

410. Erin, do you mind running down to the lobby

411. and bringing up my brand new executive assistant?

412. Absolutely.

413. Hey, who did you end up hiring?

414. I'm glad you asked, Jim.

415. Because apparently there's a rumor running around here

416. that I'm a sexist.

417. Mm-hmm.

418. I can't work here effectively

419. if you guys think I'm something that I'm not.

420. I'm not a sexist.

421. Raise your hand if you have a vagina.

422. Raise your hand if someone you love has a vagina.

423. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

424. Just about everyone.

425. What about Deangelo's hand?

426. Oh, wow, he's got 'em both up.

427. Yeah.

428. Uh-huh. Yeah.

429. So it bothers me when I hear that there's gossip around here

430. that I treat women lesser than men.

431. Okay?

432. Frankly, we all look a little ridiculous when that happens.

433. Deangelo, it's simply a question

434. of respecting the work.

435. Kevin is invited to meetings that I'm not invited to,

436. and I am a more productive accountant.

437. You can literally look at the numbers.

438. Whoa, Angela. No, no, no.

439. - It depends what makes the math, De— - Deangelo.

440. I'm not a feminist,

441. but I think that the men

442. in this office are being given chances that the women aren't.

443. Right, Toby?

444. I mean, isn't there some policy on this?

445. It's hazy.

446. I had a difficult relationship with my last boss.

447. I'm not eager to create another hostile situation.

448. I think being a feminist is just about

449. doing whatever you want to do.

450. I mean, you see these women in pornos.

451. They're happy.

452. I mean, everyone talks about them like they're victims,

453. but listen to them.

454. They're moaning.

455. They love it.

456. Plus, they are making bank.

457. Yes. Do what you want to do.

458. Great point of view, ladies.

459. Dwight, what's your take?

460. What's the argument here? NBA, WNBA.

461. One is a sport, one is a joke.

462. I love sports. I love jokes.

463. Room for all.

464. Man, you are smart.

465. Oh, hey. Hi. Hello.

466. - Hi, hi. - Welcome.

467. Uh, everyone, I'd like you to please welcome

468. Jordan Garfield.

469. - This is everyone. - Hello.

470. So, Jordan, where did you work before?

471. A law office?

472. No, Anthropologie.

473. "We don't have this in that size."

474. - Pretty—pretty lame. - Hmm.

475. Lame? You worked at Anthropologie?

476. - Yeah. - That's, like, my dream job.

477. How did you even get that job?

478. - Well, I— - You chose this job

479. - over that job? - Okay, okay.

480. Back to work, Kelly.

481. We have a lot to get done today.

482. So, um, is this your first office job then?

483. Yeah.

484. - Yep. - Wow.

485. No corporate experience whatsoever.

486. I didn't want anyone with any bad habits,

487. someone I could help mold, help shape.

488. And yet someone who could bring their fresh eyes

489. to what we do here.

490. And so far, it's totally working.

491. Why don't you tell them your idea you came up with?

492. - My idea? - Yeah.

493. The one you told me when you called me

494. to tell me you were here.

495. Have a visitor parking space?

496. Yes.

497. Best idea I've heard since I've been here.

498. Right out of the gate.

499. Nice.

500. Garfeld or Garfield?

501. Garfield. Garfield. Like "Seinfield."

502. Jordan Garfield, let's remember it.

503. Jordan with a G like Georgia or like Michael Jordan, J?

504. I'm sorry, are you— Are you googling me?

505. No.

506. - What's the problem? - Uh-huh.

507. Well, the reason he hired her is because when

508. you google "Jordan Garfield, Scranton,"

509. that's what comes up.

510. All right, Jordan, follow me.

511. Nice to meet you all.

512. Jim. Are you coming?

513. Oh, yeah. Did he text us?

514. Yeah.

515. No.

516. Jim, what are you doing? Get in there.

517. This is not the time to take a stand.

518. At least he likes one of us.

519. He didn't text me.

520. Yes! I'm in.

521. Andy, what are you doing?

522. I'm going in—into the belly of the beast.

523. I'm going to infiltrate and change from within.

524. What's up, man cave?

525. Just go in.

526. - Mm-hmm. - Just go in.

527. He probably just forgot to text you.

528. Internally, for office use,

529. where do we get our paper from?

530. Do we go and—

531. Don't worry, the first day is always the hardest.

532. Yeah.

533. Hey, Jim.

534. Yeah?

535. Can I help you?

536. Nope.

537. Just...

538. Okay.

539. So he kicked you out of the inner circle, huh?

540. Well, there is no inner circle.

541. Well, the good news is, in this office,

542. managers typically only last 14 years.

543. Dwight?

544. Deangelo wanted me to ask you if there's anything

545. I could help you with.

546. Really?

547. Anything?

548. Do you need anything?

549. Deangelo, tell your whore to leave me alone.

550. I do not like working here so far.

551. No.

552. Okay, I do not want to waste your time,

553. so I will keep this brrrief.

554. Now, word on the street is

555. Mercy Hospital, back on the market.

556. Deangelo would like you to put together

557. a sales pitch for next week.

558. Deangelo has also recently learned about

559. the Barnacle Project, which is a nonprofit organization

560. based in Mystic, Connecticut,

561. that assists in the scraping of barnacles.

562. So this is my life until I win the lottery.

563. Or Pam finally writes that series of young adult books.

564. So one afternoon while walking home from school,

565. quirky 10th grader Becky Walters finds

566. a wounded Pegasus in the woods.

567. And she becomes the Horse Flyer.

568. Hey.

569. I just wanted to make sure that some of the things

570. I said earlier weren't taken the wrong way.

571. Because all I think I was trying to say

572. is that people in this office are used to things being done

573. one way, and now there's been some changes,

574. and maybe some feathers got ruffled.

575. And maybe things were just misinterpreted, probably.

576. Jim, are you gonna understand me

577. if I use a sports metaphor?

578. - I think I probably— - We're a team.

579. I need team players.

580. And I just don't know if you're on my team.

581. I am definitely on your team.

582. Team Dunder Mifflin, here we go.

583. Team is called the Crazy Snakes.

584. - Okay. - Or the Matadors.

585. Or the Lancers.

586. Lancers sounds a little high school, right?

587. Yeah, but it's also my favorite.

588. Great.

589. Let's see if we can't work you back into the lineup.

590. That would be awesome.

591. Jordan, please show Jim out.

592. That's all right, I got it—right here.

593. Jordan, please show Jim out.

594. Hey, babe?

595. Can you run and get me a coffee?

596. A soy latte and not from Caffeine Corner.

597. Anywhere but there. They burn the beans.

598. No, Deangelo's not around. I'm not doing that.

599. Well, it'll be good practice.

600. What are you doing?

601. Oh, I'm watching Gwyneth Paltrow debone a chicken.

602. No, stop. I told you, Goop is not for you.

603. Goop is for rich city girls.

604. But it's aspirational.

605. - One day I could be someone— - Oh, shoot. He's coming.

606. Hey, Kelly, that's the last time

607. I'm gonna talk to you about your paycheck, okay?

608. We pay you a fair salary here, and if you're only here

609. for the money, maybe you shouldn't be here at all.

610. No one likes a money-grubber.

611. I'm sorry, Mr. Howard.

612. I apologize for grubbing for money.

613. I can't do this. I can't do this.

614. I'm sorry, I just can't do it.

615. Deangelo, Ryan is not my boss, okay?

616. Frankly, he hasn't had a real job here in years.

617. - Whoa. - Oh, that's hilarious, Kelly.

618. No, he's just a big fraud, Deangelo.

619. He's like Rango.

620. He doesn't work here, basically,

621. just like the way Rango didn't save those animals.

622. It was just a big misunderstanding.

623. Is this true, Ryan?

624. I did not see "Rango."

625. He's a lizard.

626. He's a chameleon.

627. Okay, I don't have time for this he said, she said.

628. - He's not saying anything. - It's too murky.

629. I feel about the situation like I feel about art.

630. I know what I like.

631. I like paintings with the color blue, red, or black.

632. If you have those colors on a painting,

633. odds are I'm going to like it.

634. I like paintings of objects that I'm familiar with.

635. Trucks, uh, birds, recognizable animals.

636. I don't like paintings with squiggles or splotchy things,

637. you know, because I don't know what—

638. What that's a painting of.

639. It's almost like I need a photograph

640. of what they were trying to paint

641. so that I can figure it out.

642. I like paintings of recognizable

643. historical figures—

644. Abraham Lincoln—people that I know what they look like

645. so that when I see the painting,

646. I can tell it's a good painting, okay?

647. I like Ryan.

648. You seem kind of hysterical to me.

649. Ryan's your supervisor. Let's just leave it that way.

650. But that's not fair.

651. I mean, I've been working here for such a long ti—

652. Oh, close call.

653. By the way, that guy is everything that's wrong

654. with the art world right now.

655. Okay, why don't you just finish this stuff up

656. and leave it on my desk, and I will see you

657. at your place around 2:00 a.m., okay?

658. - Yeah. - You know what I mean?

659. - What happened? - Oh, they were just talking

660. about ex-girlfriends and then realized I was still in there,

661. so asked me to just chill for a few.

662. Oh, oh, oh!

663. Oh!

664. Angry. Angry.

665. Hey, it sounds like you guys are having a lot of fun,

666. but it's really loud and some of us are trying to work.

667. So do you think you could do it a little more quietly?

668. Well, that's gonna be tough

669. because we're getting a dunking clinic

670. from Magic Jordan himself.

671. Oh, you mean Michael Jordan?

672. Yeah. Total brain burp.

673. I'm no MJ. Please.

674. I can do his dunk from the free throw line, though.

675. - Whoa. - Ooh.

676. Damn.

677. Mad respect from a brother.

678. The man is paying me to take Chinese.

679. I will say what I need to say.

680. And soon, I will say it in Chinese.

681. Okay, well, it's just really loud.

682. Okay. We'll keep that in mind.

683. All right, ladies, back to the game.

684. Let's do it.

685. And, Jim, come on in.

686. You're back in.

687. You know what? Instead of a game,

688. why don't we do an exhibition?

689. I'd love to see that dunk of yours.

690. Yeah, we'll set that up one day.

691. Today. Now, maybe.

692. Because we have a hoop downstairs and a real ball,

693. so you don't have to mime it.

694. Yeah. I don't know.

695. Why not?

696. Only because no one has called NASA

697. to request a liftoff.

698. - Oh! - Let's go downstairs, okay?

699. - Let's definitely do that. - Let's do it.

700. Pass.

701. If I wanted to see a pissing contest,

702. I'd lock Mose in the chicken coop.

703. Damn it, Dwight, enough!

704. Get your ass downstairs or find a new place to sell paper!

705. Okay, a little about me.

706. I respond to strong leadership.

707. All right, there you go.

708. Seems a little close.

709. You sure that's a real foul line?

710. 15 feet from the baseline.

711. So do you need me to move it in?

712. No, that's 15.

713. - Yeah. - Okay.

714. And you know what, to make it interesting,

715. Jordan, why don't you sit underneath the basket?

716. - Seriously? - Yeah.

717. Come on. I'll dunk over you.

718. Best seat in the house.

719. I don't think I can do that.

720. - I'm holding your jewelry. - Right. Yeah.

721. Okay, fair enough. Kevin, you do it.

722. Yes. Okay.

723. Here?

724. Someone wanna sit in Kevin's lap? Angela?

725. - No. - Oscar?

726. - No, thank you. - Okay, Jimmy,

727. this is for you, to show you that anything is possible.

728. - Fantastic. - All right?

729. - Yep. - This is also for the troops.

730. Ooh.

731. Doctor is in!

732. Oh! Aah!

733. Watch out.

734. Now what?

735. Deangelo?

736. Oh, my God, are you all right?

737. Jeez. Watch it. Watch it.

738. "Pounch-um."

739. What—what—what is that?

740. Oscar, what did he say?

741. How would—do you think that's Spanish?

742. Well, it's not U.S. language.

743. Hey, Deangelo.

744. It's so good you're back.

745. Hey, could you approve

746. these vacation days for me right here?

747. Ryan, stop. He obviously needs help, stop.

748. Jim, I'm not going to patronize him

749. just because he's differently abled.

750. Erin, will you call 911, please?

751. Right, who should I say is calling?

752. Erin.

753. Pounch says to bartender, "How's calla ten?"

754. Okay, stand up.

755. You guys should be ashamed of yourselves.

756. Hey, Crazy Snake.

757. Hey.

758. - Drowswip. - Yeah.

759. "Drawswip." Yeah, I get it.

760. Okay, we're gonna work on...