1. It is 6 AM,
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2. and Deangelo and I are
about to go house to house
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3. to give everybody their
Dundies nomination certificate
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4. just like the oscars.
Yes.
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5. And this happens every year?
Every year this happens.
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6. You have a lot to learn,
my friend.
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7. Well, you know,
why don't we try it,
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8. and if it goes good,
it'll be part of my tradition.
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9. Why are you even saying that?
You're gonna love it.
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10. Here we go.
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11. This one.
This way.
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12. Nice house.
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13. - Surprise!
- Congratulations!
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14. Yep.
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15. You and Pam have both been
nominated for Dundie awards.
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16. Okay.
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17. - Rawr!
- There we go!
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18. Have Pam come out.
No, no, she's not here.
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19. What's going on?
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20. Stay in bed.
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21. - Congratulations.
- Stanley, we love you.
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22. Have you lost your mind?
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23. Get off my property
before I call the police.
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24. All right, we got it.
Good.
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25. - Leave it at the door?
- Yeah, that's fine.
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26. Okay.
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27. Hey, Toby, you suck!
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28. Is this an employee of ours?
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29. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
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30. Gosh, I've never seen
this place in the daylight.
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31. This reminds me of Katrina.
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32. Here we go.
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33. All right.
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34. You got it?
Are we set?
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35. Hello?
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36. I'm so busted.
Walk of shame.
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37. Do you usually leave
your door unlocked and ajar?
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38. Nice!
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39. I got a Dundie nomination.
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40. - Yes, you did.
- Yes, that's right.
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41. No big deal.
Congratulations, Meredith.
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42. All right, well,
we should head out.
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43. No, no, no, you gotta stay.
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44. No, no, no,
I have vienna sausages
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45. and I have napkins.
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46. Let me fix you breakfast.
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47. I'm not going in there.
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48. Go.
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49. Good morning, Erin.
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50. Oh, hey, didn't see you.
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51. Any big plans for tonight?
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52. I don't know.
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53. Maybe volunteer
at the women's shelter,
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54. go to bed.
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55. Or, I don't know,
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56. maybe I'm going to the Dundies!
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57. You are getting so funny.
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58. Very good.
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59. The Dundies are my baby,
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60. and they need to go on.
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61. When Larry king died,
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62. they didn't just cancel
his show.
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63. They got piers Morgan
to come in and do his show,
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64. and that way Larry lives on.
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65. Anything can happen
at the Dundies.
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66. They're like the
golden globes but less mean.
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67. And I just want us to all
have a good time.
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68. Just a little
announcement, folks.
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69. Remember, the Dundies
is a black tie affair.
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70. Black tie optional.
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71. Every day
is black tie optional.
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72. Fyi, tonight we will be hosting
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73. at Louie Volpe's.
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74. - Nice.
- I love their breadsticks.
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75. Oh, their breadsticks
are like crack.
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76. I love when people say
"like crack"
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77. who have obviously
never done crack.
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78. Well, their breadsticks
are like what then, Ryan?
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79. What can I use?
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80. I don't know,
something from your world.
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81. "The breadsticks
are like scrapbooking."
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82. You're right.
No, I'm a middle class fraud.
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83. Shh, okay, okay, okay.
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84. Everybody's right.
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85. They're like breadsticks
on steroids.
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86. Right?
Yeah, that's great.
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87. So as you know,
the Dundies are my legacy.
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88. So I'm going to need
to train a replacement.
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89. So this year I have decided
to have a co-host.
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90. And that person is...
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91. Deangelo.
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92. Always the Padawan,
never the Jedi.
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93. Thank you, Michael,
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94. but I will have to pass.
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95. Think of it as part
of your training.
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96. I'm not much of a performer,
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97. unless you count
singing in the shower.
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98. Boy, okay.
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99. Okay, well, we'll work on it.
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100. Look, I'm very, very bad.
Very bad.
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101. You're doing it.
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102. Guys, I want you to help us
work on some banter.
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103. Yes, I love banter.
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104. But I hate witty banter.
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105. Here we go.
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106. So, Deangelo, you and I
have a lot in common.
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107. You lost 200 pounds,
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108. and I lose my car keys
every morning.
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109. That is true.
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110. We do share some similarities.
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111. I know how you can fix
one of those problems.
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112. For me, it was portion control.
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113. For you, you need a key chain.
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114. Maybe hang it on the—
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115. Okay, okay, you know what,
I didn't actually lose my keys.
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116. - So this did not happen?
- Mm-kay.
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117. There needs to be what
you call a rat-a-tat.
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118. And right now it's all rat
and no tat.
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119. Ryan, come on up here.
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120. Deangelo, if you would just—
Tap Deangelo out.
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121. - If I can see it—
- Just watch us.
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122. Okay, Ryan, how are you today?
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123. Why don't you ask my therapist?
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124. My mom certainly
pays her enough.
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125. There you go!
Lovely.
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126. Regis and Kelly.
Nice.
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127. Use that as an inspiration.
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128. - Okay.
- Just be funny.
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129. Uh, you sir,
are we having fun tonight?
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130. - Having a great time.
- Oh, good, good.
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131. Where were you
on September 11th?
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132. No, gosh.
No, no, stop, stop.
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133. What?
This is so weird.
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134. If I'm conducting a meeting,
good to go.
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135. But if I think of it
as a performance,
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136. I fall apart obviously.
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137. Why don't you think
of hosting the Dundies
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138. like you're just
running a meeting?
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139. No, no, no.
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140. This is the performance
of your life.
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141. Why don't you just
privately in your own head
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142. think of it like a meeting?
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143. Jim, please, no loopholes.
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144. Mike, why do you
have to control
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145. how he perceives it
in his mind?
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146. This is my last Dundies ever.
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147. If I want mind control
over him,
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148. is that too much to ask?
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149. Me, mo, me, mo.
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150. Good.
Good. Good. Good.
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151. Now tell me something terrible
that happened in your childhood.
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152. When I was very young,
my mother divorced my father
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153. and I had to go to court
to choose between them.
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154. Too personal.
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155. I don't wanna hear
about that stuff.
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156. Let's try this, put this on.
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157. I am going to turn this on.
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158. And turn the volume
all the way up
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159. so you can't—
That's right!
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160. You're not going to be able
to hear yourself.
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161. Read this and it's going
to sound perfect.
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162. "The Dundies are com—
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163. "All about coming together!
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164. "And recognizing
the indomitability
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165. of the human spirit!"
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166. Say it with an accent.
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167. - "The Dundies—"
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168. - The Dundies!
- The Dundies!
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169. I just don't understand
the desire to push
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170. sweet potato fries on me.
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171. I just want regular fries.
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172. Yeah.
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173. Hey, Erin, everything okay?
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174. Get away from the car.
He's gonna see you.
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175. Who's gonna see us?
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176. Just get in, get in.
Just get in.
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177. Get in the car?
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178. Please! Sorry.
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179. Get in.
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180. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
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181. What's wrong?
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182. I eat lunch in the car now.
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183. It's my alone time.
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184. It's just nice to have
some time away from Gabe.
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185. Why don't you want to eat
lunch with your boyfriend?
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186. I really don't like
spending time with him.
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187. Don't you think it's better
to tell him the truth now,
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188. you know, rather than waste
more of his time?
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189. - I think I'm gonna go.
- What?
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190. - I think you got this.
- Okay.
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191. - Okay?
- Yeah.
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192. - All right?
- Okay.
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193. - Feel better.
- Thank you, Jim.
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194. I'm sorry,
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195. that just wasn't
interesting to me.
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196. I can't just dump him, Pam.
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197. I'm not like you.
I can't be mean.
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198. - Wait, when am I—
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199. You just have to be
clear and firm.
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200. You know, just tell him
you don't love him.
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201. Just be honest with him.
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202. - Hi.
- Appalling.
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203. Eyesore.
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204. Surprisingly adequate.
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205. Okay, everyone,
the festivities commence
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206. in four seconds.
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207. Deangelo, Jo's
on the phone for you.
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208. Hello?
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209. Deangelo, we're in serious
horse manure here.
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210. The Dundies are tonight,
and we ain't got no host.
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211. Oh, no!
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212. Luckily, I have
someone for you.
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213. - Billy crystal?
- Better.
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214. Neil Patrick Harris?
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215. He's in little shop of horrors
on Broadway.
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216. No, we need Michael Scott,
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217. the best darn Dundies host
both sides of the Mississippi.
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218. I gotta find Michael Scott.
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219. Hmm, and then I gotta...
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220. Get him to the Dundies!
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221. Hey, can you help me
find Michael Scott, Angela?
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222. My boyfriend can.
He's a state senator.
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223. - Mm-hmm.
- Oh, no, he can't help,
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224. because that title
has no meaning.
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225. Try Jim, Deangelo.
He'll be able to help.
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226. Jim, do you know
where I can find Michael Scott?
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227. Oh, I totally don't know
where Michael is, dude.
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228. Hey, you want to listen
to some records?
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229. No one's listening to me!
I'm running out of time.
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230. What—
What are you talking about?
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231. I've fallen and I can't get up.
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232. Maybe I just need
to look into my heart.
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233. Deangelo, where is
Michael Scott?
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234. I'm here.
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235. In a good way.
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236. I've been here the whole time.
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237. The analytical part of me
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238. wants to examine it.
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239. But I know it has no content.
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240. Ladies and gentlemen,
please stand up
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241. for your co-host
of the evening,
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242. Michael Gary Scott.
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243. Please remain standing
for your other co-host
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244. and new manager,
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245. Deangelo Jeremetrius Vickers!
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246. Is that part of the—
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247. Hey.
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248. Deangelo, what are you doing?
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249. There's a live audience
out there.
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250. Just go do it by yourself,
or get Ryan.
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251. No, Ryan would never do it.
It's too on the radar.
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252. Look, look.
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253. The boss hosts the Dundies.
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254. It's sort of our perk.
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255. This was not part
of the job description.
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256. Okay, listen to me.
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257. You're not doing this for me.
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258. You're not doing this for you.
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259. You're not even
doing this for them.
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260. What am I doing it for?
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261. You're doing it
for all those kids out there
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262. eating off
the Louie Volpe's kids' menu,
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263. who are wondering,
"does it get better?"
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264. What I want you to do is I want
you to say "it's showtime."
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265. Get out there.
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266. I can't.
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267. - Say it.
- Stop hitting me.
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268. You can do it.
Just say it.
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269. Hit me again.
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270. Now hit me.
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271. One, two, three.
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272. It's showtime.
All right, here we go.
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273. Okay, okay, sorry
about the delay, everybody.
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274. But we were at the DMV
waiting in line.
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275. Fall asleep right after sex,
huh, guys?
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276. Nope.
Go back to the script.
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277. There are a lot of great
salesmen in this office.
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278. But one of our great salesmen
is also a great dad,
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279. and a close
personal friend of mine.
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280. Jim Halpert, best dad Dundie!
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281. Wow, I do not parent
for the awards,
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282. but I gotta tell you,
it feels pretty good.
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283. Um, Cece, if you're
watching this at home,
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284. it's way past your bedtime.
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285. By the way,
how did this get televised?
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286. Thanks.
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287. - Well done.
- I don't know.
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288. Maybe being a good dad is just
following your own compass.
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289. I don't know.
I don't know.
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290. Thank you.
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291. Didn't think
to mention me, huh?
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292. Didn't I?
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293. Which moves us
to best mom Dundie.
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294. This person, well, I guess
we all sort of consider a mom
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295. around the office—
Meredith Palmer!
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296. I'll tell you one thing,
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297. I'm not gonna be
a good mom tonight.
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298. Excuse me.
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299. Can I get a photo
of the best mom
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300. and the best dad, please?
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301. Step on up.
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302. Well, I gotta go do this.
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303. Why?
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304. Big smiles, folks.
There they are.
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305. Year after year,
I catch a lot of flak
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306. on this particular award,
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307. because year after year,
I present this award
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308. to a guy instead of a girl.
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309. Hottest in the office
goes to Danny Cordray!
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310. How do I feel about not winning
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311. hottest in the office
this year?
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312. Um, I'm very relieved.
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313. How do you— How do you judge
something like that?
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314. What is his criteria even?
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315. It's—
It's so subjective.
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316. Stanley Hudson is a grump.
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317. Everybody knows that.
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318. But did you know
that Stanley Hudson
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319. is also the face
of a debilitating disease
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320. known as diabetes.
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321. The diabetes award
goes to Stanley Hudson!
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322. Come on up here,
you sick bastard.
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323. We're proud of you.
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324. I have diabetes too,
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325. but you don't see me
making a big deal about it.
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326. They say he's going to be
my right-hand man.
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327. Ad lib masturbation joke.
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328. Nope.
I hate this.
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329. I hate it so much.
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330. Dwight Shrute,
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331. please accept this promising
assistant manager Dundie.
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332. Thank you.
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333. Thanks so much.
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334. Um, I want to dedicate
this award
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335. to something that, uh,
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336. we take for granted
in our daily lives.
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337. And that is
the humble trash can.
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338. This is for you, trash can!
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339. Who gave you those crayons?
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340. I brought them from home.
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341. Do you have a red?
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342. This is a cloth tablecloth.
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343. You can't color on it.
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344. Oh, really?
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345. Did you know herpes
affects one out of every five
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346. sexually active adults?
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347. Pippi Longstocking.
Ronald McDonald's wife.
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348. Ron Howard.
Ron Weasley.
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349. What do they all
have in common?
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350. Redheads.
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351. Erin Hannon...
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352. Come on up here to receive
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353. your cutest redhead
in the office award!
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354. This is bull!
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355. Thank you!
Thank you!
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356. Thank you!
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357. This is the first award
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358. I've ever won
in my entire life.
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359. People were right
about the Dundies.
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360. They are magical.
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361. But I don't feel it,
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362. and I think that's because
I'm not with the right person.
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363. Gabe...
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364. - What?
- We should break up.
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365. What?
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366. I'm not attracted to you.
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367. I just—I cringe
when you talk.
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368. I have to be honest.
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369. Right?
Right, Pam?
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370. Thank you for hearing me.
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371. Okay, well,
this is embarrassing.
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372. Um, I'm obviously
really angry at Erin.
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373. Here comes that quarter-life
crisis everyone's talking about.
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374. All right, I'm gonna—
I'm gonna go.
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375. Let's— There you go.
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376. Damn, that was cold.
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377. It is difficult to recognize
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378. the person who will be
replacing you.
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379. But he is a good guy.
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380. So the Michael Scott award
for best Dundies host
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381. goes to Deangelo Vickers.
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382. Speech, speech, speech, speech!
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383. Hold on.
Hold on one second.
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384. Okay.
Crank it.
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385. I want to—I want—
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386. I feel truly blessed,
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387. uh, to be working
with all of you.
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388. You know, before
this all started,
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389. uh, funny story,
I was in the bathroom
Copy !req
390. vomiting and vomiting.
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391. The men's room.
That's why it's been shut down
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392. for most of the evening.
That's it!
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393. This is important.
He's expressing himself.
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394. - No.
- Hosts don't get Dundies.
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395. This— This is truly special
for me...
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396. And, uh, anyway,
it's so much lighter!
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397. - We're done.
- That's it.
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398. - Michael, are we— What?
- We're done. We're done.
Copy !req
399. My last Dundies ever.
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400. I was hoping it would be
more like Godfather III.
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401. That wrapped up
the whole franchise
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402. in an extremely satisfying way.
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403. But instead, it is Godfather I.
Copy !req
404. That was very confusing,
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405. had maybe three big laughs...
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406. Oh, well.
Copy !req
407. Hey, Michael.
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408. We were thinking maybe we could
keep this thing going.
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409. What?
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410. I know I'm the cause
of this royal screw-up,
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411. but I would like
to see the show go on.
Copy !req
412. No, don't.
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413. You're being
too hard on yourself.
Copy !req
414. We had a very truncated
rehearsal time.
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415. Let's grab some ice cream,
go back to the office,
Copy !req
416. and finish what we started.
Copy !req
417. - Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
Copy !req
418. So what you're saying
is you kinda liked it.
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419. I've fallen and I can't get up!
Copy !req
420. The Phyllis bit,
that was pretty good, right?
Copy !req
421. - I don't know that we need
to dissect it all right now—
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422. - But that got a big laugh.
- It did.
Copy !req
423. That actually got a big laugh.
Copy !req
424. We were laughing, right?
I was.
Copy !req
425. Oh, you know what,
I have to go to the bathroom.
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426. We're really close.
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427. You know, I can just
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428. run over
to the gas station there.
Copy !req
429. We should just wait here
and not get
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430. good seats
in the conference room?
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431. That's true,
we wouldn't get seats together.
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432. Okay, yeah.
I'll hold it.
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433. I'm fine.
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434. You know, despite
a couple hiccups,
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435. I thought that went very well.
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436. I thought it was the worst
Dundies I've ever been to.
Copy !req
437. Man.
Copy !req
438. Maybe you should have won
the kind of a bitch award.
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439. Oh, gladly,
I'd accept that award,
Copy !req
440. because a bitch
is a female dog.
Copy !req
441. Okay.
Copy !req
442. What?
What are you doing?
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443. Please don't stop so suddenly.
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444. Seatbelt's pressing
on my bladder.
Copy !req
445. Why are you
even wearing a seatbelt?
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446. You're sitting
in the back seat, baby.
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447. What is your problem?
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448. I just don't see the point
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449. to the Dundies, okay?
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450. The jokes were terrible,
the venue was bad,
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451. the fashion was boring—
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452. Okay, that—
That is unfair.
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453. The clothing
was safe but tasteful.
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454. And next time,
why don't you pick a co-host
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455. that doesn't have
microphone-aphobia.
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456. Look,
whatever you're going to do,
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457. how long is it gonna take?
Ballpark?
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458. 'Cause I just—
I've gotta make a decision here.
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459. He— He is in
an all-out sprint.
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460. Please, excuse me.
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461. Here, okay.
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462. By his own admission,
this person actually
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463. tried marijuana in college,
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464. so the doobie-doobie
pothead stoner of the year award
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465. goes to Andy Bernard!
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466. There's a lot of people
I'd like to thank.
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467. But I think we all actually
want to thank you, Michael.
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468. Oh, thank you.
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469. I mean, we actually
really all want to thank you
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470. for everything.
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471. Oh, my God,
something's happening.
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472. yeah, okay.
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473. Well, this is gonna hurt
like a mother.
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474. Suffer from
extreme repulsiveness.
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475. Someone in our midst is bringing
that problem to light.
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476. Toby Flenderson,
please come up here and accept
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477. the extreme
repulsiveness award.
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478. Oh, that's so mean.
No, it's fine.
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479. It's his last Dundies.
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480. You gotta play along, man.
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481. Come on, Toby.
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482. Here he comes!
All right.
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483. You deserved it.
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484. I really disagree with this.
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485. I think it's kind of hateful.
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486. Although I am
a little happy right now
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487. to have a platform
to talk about
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488. the outcome of a case
that I was recently a juror on,
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489. The Scranton strangler.
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490. A man's being put to death.
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491. I was part of the verdict,
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492. and I'm not so sure
he's guilty anymore.
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