1. - A sombrero, please?
- All right.Copy !req
2. - So just you tonight?
- Actually, I am meeting somebody,Copy !req
3. but I'm a little bit early.
Leaving my company.Copy !req
4. After 19 years.Copy !req
5. I'll drink to that!Copy !req
6. - I'm starting at a company this week.
- Oh, really?Copy !req
7. To beginnings and endings.Copy !req
8. And to middles,
the unsung heroes.Copy !req
9. And to moms.Copy !req
10. To moms of the troops.Copy !req
11. Do not tell my fiancee
I'm drinking on a Wednesday.Copy !req
12. I won't.Copy !req
13. I don't know her.Copy !req
14. Moving out to the 'burbs.Copy !req
15. Actually, I'm moving further
than the 'burbs.Copy !req
16. I'm moving to Colorado.Copy !req
17. - Colorado?
- Yeah.Copy !req
18. - Sunshine state.
- Yep.Copy !req
19. Don't mess with Colorado.
No, don't.Copy !req
20. Doing some skiing?Copy !req
21. No, no, I don't want
to end up like Sonny Bobo.Copy !req
22. Well, that's just... that's just
good sense right there.Copy !req
23. Yeah, everyone I know
who skis is dead.Copy !req
24. You know what, I would like
to try the luge though.Copy !req
25. Try it once, you're hooked.Copy !req
26. That's my guess.
That's what I've heard.Copy !req
27. - I'm an Olympics nut.
- Oh, yeah? Me too.Copy !req
28. Summer or winter?Copy !req
29. Summer.Copy !req
30. Knuckle.Copy !req
31. Actually, I gotta come around
to give you...Copy !req
32. yeah, come on.Copy !req
33. You know, it's funny.Copy !req
34. I actually tried to get
an animal Olympics going.Copy !req
35. Really?
What happened?Copy !req
36. You know, life happened.Copy !req
37. What are you gonna miss most
about Scranton?Copy !req
38. Oh, wow.Copy !req
39. The mountains,
where things are.Copy !req
40. That's the way it goes.Copy !req
41. Man, he is late.Copy !req
42. I'm gonna call him.Copy !req
43. Do you mind?
I'm sorry.Copy !req
44. No, no, no.Copy !req
45. Where is this guy?Copy !req
46. Excuse me.Copy !req
47. I need to take this.Copy !req
48. Hello?Copy !req
49. - This is Michael Scott.
- Yes, yes.Copy !req
50. You running late?
I'm here.Copy !req
51. - No, I'm here.
- Oh.Copy !req
52. - I'm at the bar.
- I'm at the bar too.Copy !req
53. - You are?
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
54. What bar?Copy !req
55. I'm at the...
the bar...Copy !req
56. the bar that's located
in the lobby of the hotel.Copy !req
57. I do not see you.Copy !req
58. How long have you...Copy !req
59. I've been here about,Copy !req
60. gosh, over half an hour.Copy !req
61. Okay, yeah, me too.Copy !req
62. Sorry.
Sorry.Copy !req
63. What are you wearing?Copy !req
64. I am wearing a gray suit,
red tie.Copy !req
65. Are we both at the right place?Copy !req
66. Which place?Copy !req
67. - I hear your voice.
- I hear your...Copy !req
68. - I hear your voice...
- I see your lips moving.Copy !req
69. - In the phone.
- And, oh, brother.Copy !req
70. And that's... man!Copy !req
71. Michael Scott.Copy !req
72. D'Angelo Vickers.Copy !req
73. - Wow.
- Ah.Copy !req
74. That is insane!Copy !req
75. "That is insane" is right.Copy !req
76. That's the right term.Copy !req
77. Bartender, let's get some vodkaCopy !req
78. up in this cranberry,
and one for my friend.Copy !req
79. There we go.
Ready?Copy !req
80. - I am ready.
- All right, here we go.Copy !req
81. Well, this is it.
What do you think?Copy !req
82. She'll do.
Oh, she'll do just fine.Copy !req
83. I am very much
looking forward to tomorrow.Copy !req
84. Uh, it is, uh...Copy !req
85. it feels like the culmination
of a lot of hard work,Copy !req
86. a lot of good fortune,
and, uh...Copy !req
87. Hey, come on.Copy !req
88. Did that...
did that just happen?Copy !req
89. We should write a movie
or something.Copy !req
90. I'm serious.Copy !req
91. Michael is leaving,Copy !req
92. and apparently they already
hired a new manager.Copy !req
93. And we're meeting him today.Copy !req
94. That's a lot to process,Copy !req
95. paperwork-wise.Copy !req
96. No, it's not Ashton Kutcher.Copy !req
97. It's Kevin Malone.Copy !req
98. Equally handsome,
equally smart.Copy !req
99. Okay, everyone, as you know,Copy !req
100. one of my favorite things
is fanfare for its own sake.Copy !req
101. So without further ado,Copy !req
102. let's all start clapping.Copy !req
103. Presenting D'Angelo Vickers!Copy !req
104. Hi!Copy !req
105. Hello.Copy !req
106. - Come on out!
- Oh.Copy !req
107. Hello.
Hey.Copy !req
108. How are you, sir?Copy !req
109. I'm well, sir.
How are you?Copy !req
110. Uh, can I just say,Copy !req
111. I am so excited
to be working here.Copy !req
112. A little bit about myself...Copy !req
113. I love the American southwest,
for starters.Copy !req
114. You may call them Arizona,
new Mexico, Nevada, Utah.Copy !req
115. I call them heaven.Copy !req
116. I have a peanut allergy.Copy !req
117. Something I live with.
It's a part of me.Copy !req
118. I've learned to cope with it.Copy !req
119. What else... I'm just as
comfortable at a ball gameCopy !req
120. as I am at the opera.Copy !req
121. I was a...Copy !req
122. did I want to be made manager?Copy !req
123. Sure.Copy !req
124. A great opportunity squandered?
Absolutely.Copy !req
125. A crushing blow?
Yes.Copy !req
126. Will I get over it?
Mmm...Copy !req
127. No.
But life goes on.Copy !req
128. Not for me.Copy !req
129. I'll get that, guys.Copy !req
130. No, I'll help you.
Here.Copy !req
131. You know, it's just...
you know?Copy !req
132. Oh, hi.Copy !req
133. Hello.
Hi.Copy !req
134. Have we met before?Copy !req
135. No, not officially.Copy !req
136. I saw you coming out
of the bathroom earlier.Copy !req
137. Well, I guess I'm gonna
go back to my cave.Copy !req
138. Okay.Copy !req
139. It was really great
meeting you.Copy !req
140. And that...Copy !req
141. Is what they call
a "meet cute."Copy !req
142. So we talked
for, like, 20 minutes.Copy !req
143. No clue it's D'Angelo
the whole time.Copy !req
144. That's kind of embarrassing.Copy !req
145. No, no.Copy !req
146. Yeah, that story
makes you sound stupid.Copy !req
147. I happen to like
the hilarious hijinksCopy !req
148. that I get myself into.Copy !req
149. There he is...
there...Copy !req
150. D'Angelo,
I was just telling themCopy !req
151. about last night when we met.Copy !req
152. - Oh.
- Remember that?Copy !req
153. That was crazy.Copy !req
154. That was great.Copy !req
155. "Uh, let's see.
Where's my replacement?"Copy !req
156. "Where's the guy
I'm replacing?"Copy !req
157. I don't know.
Why don't I look to my left?Copy !req
158. - I know.
- You're sitting right there.Copy !req
159. I know.Copy !req
160. Well, that's...
that's what I was just saying.Copy !req
161. That's the...Copy !req
162. that exact situation
is why I alwaysCopy !req
163. carry around a couple of these.Copy !req
164. Just in case, 'cause, you know,Copy !req
165. sometimes you need
to I.D. Yourself.Copy !req
166. Office funny guy.Copy !req
167. Always glad to have
an office funny guy around.Copy !req
168. I wasn't even trying
to make a joke.Copy !req
169. But I guess I've always been
sort of quirky.Copy !req
170. Offbeat.
A little twisted.Copy !req
171. This is Jim and Pam,
aka "Jap."Copy !req
172. What started as an affairCopy !req
173. has blossomed into a family
before our eyes.Copy !req
174. Well, it was...
it wasn't an affair.Copy !req
175. - Yes, it was.
- But, no...Copy !req
176. but we are a family.Copy !req
177. We made that.Copy !req
178. - Cecilia.
- Aw.Copy !req
179. - Congratulations.
- Thank you.Copy !req
180. I have four kids of my own.Copy !req
181. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
182. Oh, my gosh.
Well, we just have the one,Copy !req
183. but she poops for four.Copy !req
184. Uh-oh, someone started offCopy !req
185. on a good foot
with the new boss.Copy !req
186. Yeah, they don't ever talk
about careers that were madeCopy !req
187. because of unplanned
pregnancies, so.Copy !req
188. Psst.
Thanks for meeting me.Copy !req
189. Are you kidding?Copy !req
190. I would come anywhere
to see a turtle.Copy !req
191. - Yeah.
- Where'd you find him?Copy !req
192. There's no turtle, Michael.Copy !req
193. I just wanted to get you here.Copy !req
194. You know me very well, Dwight.Copy !req
195. - That's because I'm your
right-hand man, Michael.Copy !req
196. But I can't do it.
I can't do it again.Copy !req
197. I can't be a right-hand man
to a whole new guy.Copy !req
198. Now I'm gonna have to go onlineCopy !req
199. and look at turtles,Copy !req
200. or else I'm gonna be off
the whole day.Copy !req
201. I want to be manager.Copy !req
202. I just don't understandCopy !req
203. why I wasn't even interviewed
for the job.Copy !req
204. You know, what's wrong?Copy !req
205. I'm totally qualified.
You were pushing for me.Copy !req
206. That apple looks delish.Copy !req
207. I do a lot of portion control.Copy !req
208. Try to keep my daily
caloric intake under 1,200.Copy !req
209. D'Angelo, you're going
to starve to death.Copy !req
210. So you decided to have an orgy
and not invite me?Copy !req
211. Come on!
I call middle.Copy !req
212. It's cool that you like
the southwest.Copy !req
213. It's one of my
favorite regions.Copy !req
214. "It's one of my
favorite regions."Copy !req
215. Did I just sound totally lame?Copy !req
216. No.Copy !req
217. I sounded good.Copy !req
218. I love the desert.Copy !req
219. It's one of my
favorite ecosystems.Copy !req
220. Here's the great thing
about the southwest.Copy !req
221. There is so much more
than desert.Copy !req
222. Along the north rim
of the grand canyonCopy !req
223. is a forest as lush
as you've ever seen.Copy !req
224. Burned.
It's lush, dummy.Copy !req
225. Hey, uh, D'Angelo.Copy !req
226. What do you think
about bald people?Copy !req
227. I hate them.Copy !req
228. D'Angelo, I forget,Copy !req
229. did you mention
you liked politics?Copy !req
230. - I did not.
- Because I was thinking,Copy !req
231. you should meet my boyfriend.
He's a state senator.Copy !req
232. I really think the two of you
would hit it off.Copy !req
233. He's a great person to know.Copy !req
234. Sounds very interesting.
Thank you.Copy !req
235. Dunder Mifflin, this is Erin.Copy !req
236. Okay, let me transfer you.Copy !req
237. Why do you use your name
when you answer the phone?Copy !req
238. Oh, that's how Pam does it.
I just copy her.Copy !req
239. She's... she's sort
of a living legend.Copy !req
240. Try it without using your name.Copy !req
241. Dunder Mifflin, this is.Copy !req
242. Oh, yeah.
I like it.Copy !req
243. Dunder Mifflin,
how may I assist you?Copy !req
244. Oh, assist.Copy !req
245. I sort of like the old way.Copy !req
246. I just prefer it
without the name.Copy !req
247. I thought...
Okay, no, no, no.Copy !req
248. I gotta start doing some
managing at some point, right?Copy !req
249. I know, I know.
I'm sorry.Copy !req
250. But if it's not a big deal,Copy !req
251. we should just do the old way.Copy !req
252. - And it really isn't.
- Okay.Copy !req
253. That good?
Yeah, okay, good.Copy !req
254. Well, I'd like
to change it, actually.Copy !req
255. Well, you know, whatever.Copy !req
256. - Yeah.
- Whatever you think would work.Copy !req
257. What do you think?Copy !req
258. I think a change would be nice.Copy !req
259. You could do the old way,
or the, you know,Copy !req
260. whichever one you want to do.Copy !req
261. Change it.Copy !req
262. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
263. Sorry.Copy !req
264. Hey, funny guy.Copy !req
265. I'm having a little
mid-day lull here.Copy !req
266. Make me laugh.
Huh? What do you got?Copy !req
267. - Uh...
- I can't even look at you.Copy !req
268. Here we go.
Okay.Copy !req
269. - Okay, what do, um,
African-Americans call the...Copy !req
270. - What?
- Um.Copy !req
271. - D'Angelo.
- Yeah?Copy !req
272. Did you order a barber?Copy !req
273. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
274. Come on back here.Copy !req
275. Put a pin on that.
I can't...Copy !req
276. I can't wait to hear
the punch line.Copy !req
277. Finish the joke, Andy.Copy !req
278. What do
African-Americans call?Copy !req
279. I don't know.
Help me.Copy !req
280. - That is so bad-ass.Copy !req
281. Just so hardcore.Copy !req
282. Yeah, very cool.
Real power move.Copy !req
283. Yeah.Copy !req
284. Saw a hawk today.Copy !req
285. Just sitting right there
on the overpass,Copy !req
286. looking at me.Copy !req
287. Shave me.Copy !req
288. Well, this is going
to be funny,Copy !req
289. because it looks like we're
gonna be shaving buddies.Copy !req
290. Okay, all right.
I love it.Copy !req
291. - Ha, ha, ha, ha!
- I love it.Copy !req
292. Michael, this is Reggie.
Hello.Copy !req
293. - He's the number-oneCopy !req
294. yelp-reviewed shaver
in Scranton.Copy !req
295. It's not even close.Copy !req
296. And this is Erin,Copy !req
297. and she's going
to shave my face.Copy !req
298. Here we go.Copy !req
299. All right.Copy !req
300. This is how we do it.Copy !req
301. - Mmm.
- Feels nice, doesn't it?Copy !req
302. It really does.Copy !req
303. This is luxury.Copy !req
304. Here we go.Copy !req
305. Okay.Copy !req
306. Oh, that is nice.Copy !req
307. You wanted to talk
to us, D'Angelo?Copy !req
308. Oh, yes, yes.
Please cozy up there.Copy !req
309. I just thought we could have
some rap sessionsCopy !req
310. with smaller groups.Copy !req
311. You know, we don't really
do rap sessions.Copy !req
312. We kind of do...
God!Copy !req
313. We sort of do more of like
pow-wows or whatevs.Copy !req
314. - Okay, well,
pow-wows then, fine.Copy !req
315. That's...Copy !req
316. Hey, D'Angelo,Copy !req
317. my mom just sent me
this picture of Cece.Copy !req
318. It is so adorable.Copy !req
319. - All right, wait,
but a little bit of back-story.Copy !req
320. She loves dogs.
She calls them "da-das."Copy !req
321. - Da-das.
- And what happens is...Copy !req
322. you know what?
Enough about your baby, okay?Copy !req
323. Oh, I'm sorry.Copy !req
324. Oh, we were just... I think
she was just trying to...Copy !req
325. no, no, no.
I know what you're doing.Copy !req
326. Just quit it.Copy !req
327. I want to hear
from the rank and file.Copy !req
328. How can I be
the best manager for you all?Copy !req
329. You know, what can I do better?Copy !req
330. Okay, you know what, everybody?Copy !req
331. There's...
you have to be honest here.Copy !req
332. You... you can't say that
everything is perfect, right?Copy !req
333. So, you know,
come up with something.Copy !req
334. Well, D'Angelo, I'd say
communication could be improved.Copy !req
335. People stopped reading memos,Copy !req
336. so everyone
marks them "urgent."Copy !req
337. Okay, you know what, I mark itCopy !req
338. urgent "a," urgent "b,"
urgent "c," urgent "d."Copy !req
339. Urgent "a"
is the most important.Copy !req
340. Urgent "d" you don't even
really have to worry about.Copy !req
341. Okay, um, Michael,
can you stop talking now?Copy !req
342. I have to do your lips.Copy !req
343. Don't shave my lips.Copy !req
344. What's up?Copy !req
345. I don't mean to go off
on a rant here, but...Copy !req
346. I wrote the perfect joke.Copy !req
347. Topical, edgy.Copy !req
348. Funny.Copy !req
349. I saw this thing in the news.Copy !req
350. Democrats want electric cars.Copy !req
351. Republicans don't.
Right.Copy !req
352. I'm thinkin' how crazy is itCopy !req
353. that we got a car debate
goin' on in a cityCopy !req
354. known for gridlock?Copy !req
355. Um... Let's not talk
politics in the office, okay?Copy !req
356. I like you better
as the funny guy.Copy !req
357. I wasn't taking a...
a position.Copy !req
358. It was just sort of
one of those things.Copy !req
359. Now, that's funny.Copy !req
360. That's funny.Copy !req
361. You walk much?Copy !req
362. Yeah!
Right?Copy !req
363. I mean... Ah!Copy !req
364. - Little click.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
365. D'Angelo,
this box came for you.Copy !req
366. Great! Thank you.Copy !req
367. That's my stuff.Copy !req
368. - Oh!
- Yeah.Copy !req
369. Michael, take a look at this.Copy !req
370. - Need a hand?
- Oh, that'd be great.Copy !req
371. Thank you.
Hey, you know what?Copy !req
372. This office sort of has
a perfect fung shooey to it,Copy !req
373. and... You know,
let's not go overboardCopy !req
374. with the redecorating.Copy !req
375. I'm still here, so...
Wow!Copy !req
376. - Right?
- Nice.Copy !req
377. I still have to look
at this stuff, guys, so...Copy !req
378. - So this is a ten-gallon hat?
- Yeah, you like that?Copy !req
379. Ten-gallon hat.Copy !req
380. Technically, it only holds
about three quarts.Copy !req
381. Little factoid.
Interesting.Copy !req
382. D'Angelo's great.
I love the guy.Copy !req
383. But I'm not sure he's
a good fit for the office.Copy !req
384. And also, I'm not sure
if I love the guy.Copy !req
385. All right, see you later, girl.Copy !req
386. Hey, hey, hey.Copy !req
387. Naw, I'm good.
Keep that.Copy !req
388. Hey, funny man.Copy !req
389. What you got for me?
Make me laugh.Copy !req
390. Let's see...Copy !req
391. Let's see if my favorite
tea is in here...Copy !req
392. Oh, jeez!Copy !req
393. That's hot coffee!Copy !req
394. Drink some soap.Copy !req
395. Drink some hand soap.Copy !req
396. I guess this is my life now.Copy !req
397. How do I become
a manager at sabre?Copy !req
398. Well, first things first.Copy !req
399. Thank you for coming to me
directly, you know?Copy !req
400. I know you could have
called Tallahassee,Copy !req
401. but they would have
just looped back to me, so...Copy !req
402. It's cool you recognize
my role here.Copy !req
403. I left a message at corporate.Copy !req
404. Uh... There you go.Copy !req
405. Get a recommendation
from Michael.Copy !req
406. That'll put you
right on the short listCopy !req
407. for next time
there's an opening.Copy !req
408. Can't you just use
the recommendationCopy !req
409. you already have on file?
What recommendation?Copy !req
410. From when he recommended me
to replace him.Copy !req
411. I'm so... I'm sorry,Copy !req
412. I never know how to act in
these awkward-type situations.Copy !req
413. Best whale watching.Copy !req
414. Easily the west coast.Copy !req
415. If you're gonna go whale
watching on the east coast,Copy !req
416. you might wanna bring
a magazine calledCopy !req
417. west coast whales.Copy !req
418. 'Cause you're not gonna see 'em.Copy !req
419. Snack time.
It's the witching hour.Copy !req
420. It is the sandwiching hour.Copy !req
421. - Awesome.
- Mmm. What ya got?Copy !req
422. Pb and j.
My mom's recipe.Copy !req
423. Michael, D'Angelo
has a peanut allergy.Copy !req
424. Okay, I need a wide berth.Copy !req
425. I need a wide berth
from those nuts.Copy !req
426. What are you doing?
Have you lost your mind?Copy !req
427. I think Kevin wants one.
Kevin... here ya go!Copy !req
428. Oh!
Michael, this is serious.Copy !req
429. Do you know what happens
if D'Angelo touches a peanut?Copy !req
430. - What?
- Michael, the last timeCopy !req
431. I was exposed to a peanut,Copy !req
432. I was itchy for three days,
okay?Copy !req
433. Had to take baths constantly.
I missed the oj verdict.Copy !req
434. Had to read about it
in the paper like an idiot!Copy !req
435. Wait. So you don't go into
like shock or die or anything.Copy !req
436. No, Jim.
Not everything's life and death.Copy !req
437. I wanna feel comfortable.Copy !req
438. Oscar, here you go.Copy !req
439. You're getting nut particles
all in the air!Copy !req
440. No one had a problem
with the air hereCopy !req
441. until you came around.Copy !req
442. Everyone, mandatory meeting.
Multipurpose room, now.Copy !req
443. No, that's good.
You just stay in there.Copy !req
444. Stay in there by yourself,
loser.Copy !req
445. Nobody go in.
What?Copy !req
446. - Nobody go in there.
- What?Copy !req
447. - Stay where you are.
- Michael, this is insane.Copy !req
448. No, it's not insane, Oscar.Copy !req
449. I've been here for 19 years,Copy !req
450. and just because someone else
is called the boss,Copy !req
451. you're gonna throw it all away?Copy !req
452. N-no.Copy !req
453. Listen, you're the one
who decided to leave.Copy !req
454. Come on.
He's our new boss.Copy !req
455. You know we have to do this.Copy !req
456. Ooh, well.
Who needs 'em?Copy !req
457. Looks like it's just
you and me, Dwight.Copy !req
458. Correction.Copy !req
459. Just you.Copy !req
460. All right.
Meeting, multifunction room.Copy !req
461. Hey, Michael.
Michael, wait up.Copy !req
462. Hold up, hold up.Copy !req
463. So... so for these meetings,
do you just...Copy !req
464. do you just jump into business,Copy !req
465. or do you start with
some chitchat or...Copy !req
466. I start with some chitchatCopy !req
467. and maybe a couple of jokes.Copy !req
468. And you might wanna develop
a couple of characters.Copy !req
469. Go on, you just...
you'll be fine.Copy !req
470. Maybe.
Maybe not.Copy !req
471. 50/50.Copy !req
472. - No.
- You know,Copy !req
473. it is too bad for this place
that you're leaving.Copy !req
474. Bring it in.
Come on.Copy !req
475. Bring...Copy !req
476. okay.Copy !req
477. Okay.Copy !req
478. Why did you have to be
so damn good?Copy !req
479. I...
I'm adequate.Copy !req
480. I-I'm half as good
as you.Copy !req
481. - No, no, no.
- Oh, come on.Copy !req
482. You are good.
They know it.Copy !req
483. Come on.Copy !req
484. I just didn't expect you
to get there so fast.Copy !req
485. Would you do me a favor
and enjoy this time, okay?Copy !req
486. You've worked so hard.Copy !req
487. Get your senioritis on.
It's lake Havasu time.Copy !req
488. Guess I been working
so hard, I...Copy !req
489. Forgot what it's like
to be hardly working.Copy !req
490. Okay.Copy !req
491. What is the...
Native American girl's name?Copy !req
492. You'll figure it out.Copy !req
493. Thank you, Dwight.Copy !req
494. - Um...
- Listen up!Copy !req
495. Hey, D'Angelo.
Want to meet Cece?Copy !req
496. That's a cute baby.Copy !req
497. Very cute baby.
Adorable, very cute.Copy !req
498. Thank you very much.Copy !req
499. See? We knew it.
If he just met herCopy !req
500. - he'd understand.
- We're back in.Copy !req
501. Right?Copy !req
502. I'm telling you,
that baby could beCopy !req
503. the star of a show called
"babies I don't care about".Copy !req