The Office 7x19

1. Finally got out—

2. Got that off the wall.

3. Hey, Oscar.

4. Big "Will and Grace" fan, huh?

5. No.

6. Everybody assumes I am.

7. I always get them as gifts.

8. Oh.

9. Dunder Mifflin is having our first ever garage sale.

10. Like many Americans, we realized we had

11. a lot of things that we didn't really need.

12. And $.10 of every dollar is going into the party fund,

13. so we can throw parties for ourselves.

14. We convinced Gabe it was okay because part of the proceeds

15. are going to the Ronald McDonald house.

16. And we had to explain to Kevin that that's not actually

17. where Ronald lives.

18. And that was enough to justify it to Gabe.

19. Dunder Mifflin, this is Gabe.

20. How may I direct your call?

21. I've been demoted.

22. No.

23. I'm just holding down the fort.

24. Erin's job is so easy.

25. Looks like we're in the spice district.

26. Yep.

27. Taking a ride on Spice Mountain.

28. People, look alive!

29. It's showtime!

30. Doors open in three...

31. Two...

32. One!

33. Ooh, yikes.

34. It's cold, Dwight!

35. Just shut the door. Let people come in the front.

36. It's good that it's cold.

37. It'll drive business inside.

38. The signs will drive business inside.

39. The warmth will lure people inside.

40. - Close it. - This is how business—

41. - I'm not closing the doo— - Close it.

42. No. Stop it.

43. - Just stop. - Kevin, shut the door.

44. Uh-oh.

45. Looks like someone's sign's a little crooked.

46. Ugh. It looks awful.

47. You need a thumbtack?

48. - Sure. - Not so fast.

49. Schrutes are farmers by hobby

50. and traders by trade.

51. When the first Schrute arrived in this country,

52. he traded three marbles

53. for all of the hundreds of acres of Schrute Farms.

54. Guns may also have been involved.

55. Through the art of the swap,

56. I will walk out of this garage sale

57. with the finest item here.

58. I will trade you for the used candle.

59. Forget you.

60. Come on.

61. It's trash, like your sign

62. unless you have this.

63. Fine. Just give it.

64. That's how it's done.

65. Whoa.

66. I love her.

67. How much for that?

68. I, uh—

69. I actually don't know why I brought that,

70. because it's kind of priceless.

71. $10.

72. Mmm, no.

73. I paid $500 for that.

74. - 200. - 500.

75. - 20. - 45.

76. - Get lost. - Damn it.

77. And that is how you do it.

78. You know, we don't have to sell that if you don't want.

79. If it's a problem with the neon,

80. I can have my neon guy take a look.

81. No, you know, it's really more for a bachelor pad.

82. I just want to get a fair price.

83. Well, we could put it in storage in case.

84. In case? In case of what?

85. Well, you know, in case...

86. Maybe something changes.

87. I don't have an "in case."

88. Do you have an "in case"?

89. No.

90. How much for the slip n' slide?

91. Get lost.

92. Yes, hello, Mr. Flax.

93. This is Michael Scott, your daughter's boss.

94. I am calling because I am going to have to fire

95. your daughter Holly, because she's such a terrible employee.

96. I'm just kidding.

97. I'm kidding.

98. I'm actually calling...

99. Because I'm in love with her.

100. I love your daughter and I have for some time

101. and I would like to discuss my intentions with you,

102. which are to ask her to marry me

103. and I was just hoping that you would give me your approval.

104. And this isn't a joke.

105. So call me back when you get this

106. and I look forward to speaking.

107. Thank you.

108. Mmm.

109. Are you serious?

110. A half-used candle?

111. Get out of here, Dwight.

112. You're blocking my table with your giant body.

113. Oh, 'cause there's a huge line of people

114. who want your spinster tchotchkes.

115. Screw you, man. People like my stuff.

116. People like Ryan?

117. Let me tell you about men like him.

118. He comes over and you're like, "hey, baby,

119. let me light a candle," and you pull out this one.

120. Half-used.

121. He's like, "who else is she seeing?

122. I better lock her down fast."

123. You can take my Helen Fielding collection.

124. And the Jennifer Weiner collection.

125. Oh, my gosh.

126. You have the "Dallas" board game?

127. Yeah.

128. When I was a kid, I was on "Dallas."

129. - Really? - Yeah.

130. We missed our connecting flight

131. and we spent the entire day on Dallas.

132. Then we spent a week on Hawaii.

133. I was on heaven.

134. We should play it.

135. Well, there's no instructions.

136. It's "Dallas," the game.

137. - We can figure it out. - Yeah.

138. I'm pretty good at board games.

139. Well, shall we make it a little interesting?

140. Sure.

141. What is this?

142. How did those get out?

143. I'm sorry.

144. "Professor Copperfield's miracle legumes"?

145. I was in Jamaica and I got lost.

146. And it was getting dark this one night

147. and then out of nowhere, this guy comes with a cart

148. and he's selling these.

149. Dwight, he told me things about myself

150. that there's no way he could have known.

151. That's a common swindler's trick.

152. Probably. Probably.

153. So I buy some.

154. I turn the corner.

155. I feel like an idiot.

156. So I go back to get my money.

157. He was gone.

158. So you want to sell me magic beans?

159. Correction.

160. I do not want to sell you Professor Copperfield's

161. miracle legumes.

162. Nice try. No, correction.

163. Terrible try.

164. Michael called Dad?

165. Your friend Michael, yes.

166. What's going on?

167. Um, I think I know,

168. but I'll sound stupid if I'm wrong.

169. Uh, is Dad there?

170. - Hollis? - Hi, Dad.

171. There was a program on TV about India.

172. Oh, okay.

173. Um, did you connect with Michael?

174. You want to watch it?

175. - I— - I'm not there, Dad.

176. I'm in Pennsylvania.

177. What—what are you doing there?

178. I live here.

179. Um, can I talk to you about Michael?

180. - I'll— - I'll put your mother on.

181. No, no, no, Dad.

182. Holly?

183. Mom, Dad can't seem to focus on the subject.

184. Don't you worry about him. He's got me.

185. Well, who do you have?

186. I have your father.

187. He's right here. I'll put him on.

188. No, Mom.

189. Your mail.

190. Sealed with a kiss. My own personal touch.

191. And I'm done with the mail.

192. There was the program on TV about India.

193. Oh, which one's decaf?

194. Michael! Michael! Hey!

195. - Hi. - Hi.

196. I'm just coming out to see

197. what you're doing and maybe stop you.

198. Oh, you know what? Do you have a siphon?

199. I think I'm gonna run out of gas.

200. Why do you need more gas?

201. Well, I'm...

202. Writing a message.

203. Is it a good message or a bad message?

204. I'm asking Holly a question in fire.

205. Are you proposing?

206. Maybe.

207. - Oh! - Wow.

208. You know what?

209. I've got gas on my hands and my shoes.

210. Would you—would you light it?

211. - Do the honors, please? - Yeah.

212. Yeah, no problem.

213. - Pam? - Yep?

214. Could you light this, please?

215. Michael, you've had two ideas today...

216. And one of them was great

217. and the other one was terrible.

218. I am not in the mood for riddles, Pam.

219. This is terrible.

220. No, this is romantic.

221. You know what? I'm gonna get a hose

222. and then we'll talk about it.

223. Okay? We'll figure it out.

224. I'll be right back. Just stay there.

225. Free sample?

226. My mom makes the best pesto in the world.

227. And I always tell her, "Mom, you should sell this.

228. You'd make a fortune."

229. And she always says, "No, it's just for family."

230. Well, finally, I was like, "it, I'll sell it."

231. So I'm like, "Mom, I need you to make a ton of pesto

232. for a pesto party for all my friends."

233. She's like, "Uh, okay."

234. Pesto party? Really?

235. Anyway, she makes, like, 100 bottles worth.

236. It's so good.

237. And Phyllis just had that "mom" look I wanted.

238. You got this kosher certified?

239. No, I meant like, "It's cool.

240. It's kosher. It's all good."

241. Ryan, you have such an interesting mind.

242. So creative.

243. All these new business ideas and artistic projects.

244. Thank you.

245. What you got there?

246. Oh, it's just Stanley's old photo album.

247. I was thinking about throwing it in the garbage.

248. I mean, why would I want some random Black man's

249. old photo album sitting on my bookshelf?

250. I'm not James Franco.

251. Things are going very well.

252. I traded a thumbtack for Meredith's junk,

253. for Kelly's crap, for Phyllis's garbage,

254. for Oscar's trash, for Stanley's crap,

255. for Ryan's junk, for Creed's garbage,

256. for a very cute squid that Erin happened to have.

257. Jim, put those away.

258. I'm really sorry.

259. Pam must have put those out.

260. All right, just out of curiosity,

261. what were the claims for those beans?

262. They're legumes, Dwight.

263. And you're just gonna make fun of me,

264. so why would I?

265. You know what?

266. This ends now.

267. Okay, why is it too cloudy

268. to write in the sky?

269. Isn't white the perfect background?

270. Hey, Michael.

271. Everyone's in the conference room.

272. Why?

273. You called the meeting. I don't—

274. I did?

275. Okay. Thank you all for coming.

276. I would like to talk to you today about...

277. Recycling.

278. - Michael? - Yes.

279. We are a family.

280. I could not agree with you more.

281. And I've always believed that we should all

282. be very involved in one another's personal lives

283. in a very major way.

284. - Yes, thank you. - So about this proposal thing.

285. No, no, no, no, no. My mind's made up.

286. I am not going to change my mind.

287. You can't talk me out of it.

288. Michael, she's perfect for you.

289. - She's the one. - She's amazing.

290. This is very exciting.

291. So we just—

292. We want to help you plan the proposal

293. so that it's safe and responsible

294. and realistic and doable.

295. Yes, it's probably none of our business.

296. But he tried to burn down a building.

297. I had a great idea until you ruined it.

298. You want to know how to do it?

299. Here's how you do it.

300. Take her out to dinner, go down on one knee.

301. If you are in costume, you did something wrong.

302. If at any point you find yourself

303. tying the ring to a dog's collar,

304. stop and look at yourself.

305. Hmm.

306. I'm gon' play me a little old blackmail card.

307. Nice.

308. And call a proxy meeting and take control

309. and take control of Ewing Oil once and for all.

310. No, you can't do that.

311. You can't play a blackmail card

312. and call a proxy meeting in the same turn.

313. Why not?

314. Seems to me we're just making up rules

315. 'cause somebody forgot to staple the rule book

316. to the inside of the game like a normal human being.

317. And I'm gonna play this here "share the wealth" card.

318. Ooh!

319. Which entitles me to half of both of you all's money.

320. So if you don't mind—

321. No, this card is from the wrong game.

322. This is from the game of "Life. "

323. It was in the box.

324. - Well played. - Thank you.

325. We must honorably adhere to the rules

326. that we are making up on the spot.

327. No, but that's not fair.

328. Well, that's Dallas.

329. Dallas, indeed.

330. This is your mom's old stuff?

331. Yeah, mostly.

332. How's she doing?

333. It didn't go down easy,

334. but she's made some friends and it's already better

335. than it was.

336. How do you know when it's time?

337. I don't know if you ever know.

338. And if you wait for the day when your parent

339. comes to you and says, "I can't take care of myself,"

340. it's never gonna happen.

341. I have a box of bras under the table if you're interested.

342. Let me see.

343. Okay, I think animals in proposals are out.

344. Right, Ryan?

345. Didn't you read in one of your blogs

346. that animals are out?

347. Blogs are out, but people are texting

348. each other, "no more animals," yeah.

349. How about this?

350. I throw a corpse dressed like me

351. off of the roof.

352. - It hits the ground... - Yep.

353. The head pops off.

354. This leads to me saying the line,

355. "I lost my head when I fell in love with you."

356. That's a guarantee.

357. Easy enough to get a corpse.

358. You just go to a med school.

359. I already have the ring.

360. Don't think you need the corpse then.

361. There's the ring.

362. Holy! Is that real?

363. Yeah.

364. They say, "three years' salary."

365. No.

366. Is she not gonna like that?

367. No, she's gonna love it.

368. So I think you can keep the proposal simple.

369. You know, like when Jim proposed,

370. he just— He got down on one knee

371. and he told me that he loved me

372. and he asked me to marry him.

373. And it was perfect.

374. Where was that?

375. At a gas station.

376. A gas station?

377. Well, it was when she was working in New York,

378. so it was halfway between both of us.

379. That must have been a surprise,

380. when, at the gas station, you proposed.

381. No, it was really— It was really sweet.

382. It was raining and—

383. Oh, yeah.

384. You didn't say that the weather was bad.

385. That sounds perfect.

386. I want this to be an event

387. that everyone talks about always and forever.

388. Totally reasonable.

389. I'm just— It's terrifying.

390. She's not gonna say no.

391. I know, but I'm still scared.

392. - I don't know why. - 'Cause it's a big deal.

393. I mean, I knew Pam was gonna say yes,

394. but I was still scared.

395. You were scared?

396. Yeah. It's scary.

397. This is, by far, the best conference room meeting

398. we have ever had.

399. So where are we with the corpse?

400. - No. - Let's take a vote.

401. - Yeah, no. - It's no.

402. - Yeah, no on the corpse. - Paula Poundstone.

403. What about her? How would that work?

404. I throw Paula Poundstone off the roof...

405. - Mm-hmm. - And somehow I work it in

406. - to the discussion— - Stop.

407. That's another great idea.

408. And safe.

409. - Okay. All right. Good. - I think we have a lot

410. of options. Let's just take a little break

411. and we'll come back and finalize everything.

412. - Very good. - Okay?

413. - All right. - Michael.

414. It's gonna be great.

415. All right, I'll just— I'll plan it out.

416. Could we maybe get some food

417. - at the next meeting? - Sure. Yeah.

418. We'll do, uh, Chinese.

419. Or no, we'll do chips and salsa and guac

420. - and dumplings and— - Okay, I can't eat

421. - any of that stuff. - Okay.

422. Well, thanks, guys.

423. - Thanks. - Mm-hmm.

424. - Feel good? - Yeah. Thanks.

425. Good.

426. Get this.

427. Kevin thought I was gonna sell my Bowflex for $200

428. and I told him, "Dude, this was a prop in my movie."

429. Look, I need to talk to you.

430. Okay, it's because we haven't sold anything.

431. You know what?

432. We just wait till the end of the day.

433. People get desperate and they're gonna pay anything.

434. I think I need to go home to Colorado.

435. My dad isn't doing so well.

436. Oh, okay. For how long?

437. I don't know.

438. - Is he all right? - Yeah.

439. - You okay? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

440. I just—you know, I just don't want to go home

441. when he's on his deathbed, you know?

442. I want to be there when he's still my dad.

443. Yeah, yeah.

444. Well, you definitely need to do that.

445. And I want you to come with me.

446. Now, I—

447. I know that's a lot to ask of a boyfriend.

448. Okay.

449. And I was thinking, you know,

450. maybe since given our last conversation

451. and that we're both ready...

452. Michael Scott, will you—

453. No, no. Shh!

454. Shu—shut it.

455. Oh, God. Nope, nope, nope.

456. Uh... what?

457. No, I am not going to be proposed to in the break room.

458. That is not going to be our story.

459. Mm-mmm.

460. Should have burned this place down when I had the chance.

461. Okay, guys, it's my turn.

462. You can't go. You're dead.

463. I shot you five moves ago.

464. Yeah, I told you you can't shoot people.

465. I told you we're way past rules.

466. We have been for some time now.

467. Start having rules now,

468. everything we've built collapses.

469. Well, this is stupid and I want my money back.

470. Where's the money?

471. Yeah, where is it?

472. Okay, you know what?

473. I am never ever playing games

474. with you two again.

475. And that is "Dallas."

476. Ryan, where did you get this picture?

477. My mom also makes the best salsa.

478. Nice telescope.

479. Gives you a real good look at the moon,

480. and let me tell you, it ain't made of cheese.

481. Only thing is, I don't really need a telescope,

482. 'cause I have a pie.

483. - Nice. - Not bad, right?

484. I can't really tell.

485. Nice.

486. I know, right?

487. What the—

488. Oh, my God.

489. That—

490. That's impossible.

491. It is, right?

492. I mean, it's impossible.

493. All right, I'll take 'em.

494. - They're probably worthless. - Probably.

495. Leave the telescope.

496. I started with a thumbtack

497. and traded my way to a telescope.

498. But in a way, the most valuable thing here

499. wasn't the telescope at all.

500. No.

501. It was this packet of beans,

502. so I traded the telescope for it.

503. - And I can— - I can just go buy another telescope.

504. Hey.

505. - How'd we do? - $13.

506. That's great.

507. And we still have most of our stuff.

508. Good.

509. Listen, about earlier—

510. No, no, no, no, no. Let's not talk about that.

511. I was wrong to put you in that position.

512. I—

513. Michael, you're my life now.

514. I'm not going to Colorado.

515. Shh.

516. You know what?

517. Let's go for a little walk.

518. I want to show you some stuff.

519. So this is one of my favorite places in the world.

520. Why?

521. This is where Toby announced

522. that he was going to Costa Rica.

523. It was the happiest day of my life...

524. Until the day you came to replace him.

525. Let's go in here.

526. And this is where we first kissed.

527. I remember.

528. And this is where we first made love.

529. Remember what I tried there?

530. Michael!

531. Through these blinds is where I first saw you.

532. And you had all these boxes and I thought

533. you were the prettiest mover I had ever seen.

534. And I was sitting at this desk...

535. When I called you to tell you that I had herpes

536. and that I was still in love with you

537. and you said that it was over

538. and that you didn't love me.

539. And thank goodness, none of that was true.

540. Including the herpes.

541. - It was an ingrown hair. - Yes.

542. Right in here.

543. This is where we co-ran our first meeting.

544. Remember? Obesity awareness?

545. Mm-hmm.

546. Saved a lot of lives that day.

547. That's where you first met Michael Klump.

548. - Oh, I say— - I say I sit on you.

549. And right over there,

550. that's where you realized that Meredith

551. was prostituting herself for Outback steak.

552. And I will never forget that you had the cutest look

553. on your face because you couldn't believe it.

554. You thought it was so wrong.

555. And over here—

556. What happened here?

557. Well, nothing.

558. Nothing really.

559. I would just find an excuse to come here...

560. So I could stare at you through that window.

561. This is what I'd do.

562. Nice.

563. Let's go in here.

564. Here?

565. Hi, guys.

566. This is where our love faces its toughest test.

567. After this, just smooth sailing for the rest of our lives.

568. Holly, will you marry me?

569. No.

570. Marry me, Holly.

571. No.

572. That guy's got more than he can handle as it is.

573. Will you marry me?

574. No.

575. That marriage would be a sham.

576. - Will you marry me? - No.

577. Easy no.

578. - Will you marry me? - No.

579. That would be hot. I would pay to see that.

580. - Will you marry me, Holly? - No.

581. Only one that I was kind of worried about.

582. This is where I fell in love with you...

583. And this is where I ask you to marry me.

584. It started with a broken—

585. - Aah! - Yeah.

586. Holly Flax...

587. Marrying me will you be?

588. Your wife becoming...

589. Be will I.

590. That is so awesome.

591. - Congratulations! - Congratulations!

592. Thank you! Thank you.

593. So, guys, guys, guys, guys...

594. We're moving to Colorado.

595. All of us?

596. - Yep. - Wait. What?

597. Holly has to go back to Colorado.

598. I'm going with her. I'm leaving.