1. Hey. How are you doing?
Copy !req
2. Been thinking about
my grandmother a lot.
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3. Yeah.
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4. She was about to turn 97.
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5. At least she lived a very long
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6. and I'm sure very happy life.
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7. Got you this card.
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8. When you're ready,
we all signed it.
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9. We just wanted you to know
we're thinking about you.
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10. Thank you.
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11. "Congratulations, Darryl.
Let's get wasted.
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12. "Have fun today, big guy.
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13. "Aww, yeah.
Party time."
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14. It's possible that some people
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15. thought it was your birthday.
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16. "Hooray.
Live it up, big d.
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17. "Days like this don't
come often enough.
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18. "Time to celebrate.
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19. You deserve this"?
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20. Birthday punches!
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21. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8...
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22. I'm so sorry.
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23. 9, 10, 11, 13, 14, 15,
16, 17, 18, 19, 20,
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24. 21, 22, 23, 24, 25...
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25. So I got an early res
at blue wasabi
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26. and I'm taking Rachel.
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27. She's picking me up after work.
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28. Rachel from the party?
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29. Oh, yeah.
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30. Nice.
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31. Do the damn thing.
Pow!
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32. Blue wasabi is so good,
but get the cheeseburger.
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33. They say they won't do it,
but they will
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34. if you make a scene.
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35. - Okay, bye.
- Okay, bye.
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36. - I'll miss you.
- Miss you.
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37. - Mwah.
- Okay.
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38. I'll be in my office
if you need me.
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39. Mwah.
Bye.
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40. - Okay, bye.
- Bye.
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41. - All right, bye. Bye.
- Bye.
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42. Okay, one more quick one.
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43. Don't go.
I don't want you to go.
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44. - Oh, don't go.
- Mwah.
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45. Don't go.
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46. Holly and I are dating.
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47. It's been a week,
and I still can't believe it.
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48. It goes to show that everything
you want in life, you get.
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49. And you can't work for it.
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50. It just comes to you.
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51. And what do we have here?
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52. From my secret admirer.
That's you.
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53. Come on.
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54. I dominate Valentine's day.
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55. I practically make romance
into a science.
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56. "Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
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57. Look in the vase to find
your first clue."
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58. Oh, my gosh.
It's a romantic scavenger hunt.
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59. Oh, close.
It's a romantic treasure hunt.
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60. A scavenger hunt is where you
find items from a master list.
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61. This is where you follow
the clues that lead to a prize.
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62. Common misuse.
Good luck.
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63. But there's no clue.
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64. Well, get to work.
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65. I can't,
'cause there's no clue.
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66. The puzzle is the clue.
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67. Are these numbers correct?
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68. The numbers are correct,
Michael.
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69. Okay.
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70. Are you...
are you sick, Oscar?
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71. Do you need to go home?
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72. 'Cause you're grossing me out.
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73. I just need a signature.
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74. There you go.
Thanks.
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75. Thank you.
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76. How much did you give him?
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77. - Big tip.
- Wait.
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78. I don't have my scarf.
What?
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79. I'm missing my scarf.
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80. We decided to have
a Valentine's day lunch
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81. and then that way we can spend
the entire night with Cece
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82. and avoid the Valentine's day
dinner thing.
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83. It's a whole thing.
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84. - Yeah, lunch was wonderful!
- Shh.
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85. Um, there was an amazing buffet
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86. and there was a chocolate
fondue... Station.
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87. And what else was there?
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88. Um, bottomless champagne.
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89. Yes.
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90. Never found that bottom,
did we?
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91. No.
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92. What's up?
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93. Are you good at jigsaw puzzles?
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94. Are you kidding me?
It's all I did
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95. every summer when my brothers
were out sailing.
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96. Okay.
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97. But if this is
a romantic thing with Gabe,
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98. I should probably...
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99. oh!
No, no, no, no.
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100. It's not weird at all.
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101. You have your new girlfriend.
I have Gabe.
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102. This is just as friends.
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103. Well, okay then.
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104. Yes!
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105. At least until Stanley
calms down.
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106. - Oh, is he...
- D-d-d-d-d-don't look.
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107. I accidentally did his sudoku.
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108. Andy.
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109. All right.
I will fax over it to you.
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110. Whoop.
I will fax it over to you.
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111. Okay.
Thank you.
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112. Okay, my name is
j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-Jim Halpert
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113. and I will fax it in to you...
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114. under you.
I'll fax it under you.
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115. Oh, excuse me.
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116. I just p-p-p-p-pissed
my pants.
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117. Not really.
I didn't really.
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118. Wait.
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119. You're just filling
that out right now.
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120. That wasn't meant for me.
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121. I will not be your Valentine.
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122. Aww, nuts.
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123. I don't know if anyone else
feels this way...
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124. and don't get me wrong...
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125. I love Michael and Holly.
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126. And maybe I'm being
overly sensitive...
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127. But the PDA.
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128. Yes!
The freaking PDA!
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129. - Uh-huh.
- Thank you!
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130. I mean, I'm thrilled for them.
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131. No one is more thrilled
for them than I am...
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132. Yes.
Yes, absolutely.
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133. But it's totally inappropriate.
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134. Yeah, it's a little much.
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135. Obviously so happy
for them both.
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136. So happy.
Yeah.
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137. I don't know, guys.
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138. I, for one,
enjoy watching them, because...
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139. - No, stop. Just don't.
- Kevin!
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140. Can I finish? Can I finish?
Is that okay?
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141. I was saying...
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142. I enjoy watching them
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143. because it makes me horny.
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144. God! Kevin!
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145. So tell me
about your new girlfriend.
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146. She's neat.
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147. Uh, I met her
at Darryl's cousin's party.
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148. We were the only two
white people there.
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149. Aww, cute.
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150. Hey, look at that.
Done.
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151. That's Gabe's boom box.
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152. Come on. We have to go find it.
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153. I wish you well on your quest.
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154. - No, come on.
- Aww, I mean...
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155. come on!
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156. - Okay.
- Ha!
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157. I hear them kissing
all the time.
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158. It's this horrible
plipping sound.
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159. You know,
it's like Chinese water torture.
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160. Just...
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161. Like it's coming
from my own head.
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162. Sit.
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163. Okay, just close your eyes.
Ohh.
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164. Can you get lower?
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165. - Oh, yeah.
- A little lower.
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166. I cannot keep myself
from Michael.
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167. Everything he does is sexy.
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168. He has this undeniable
animal magnetism.
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169. He's a jungle cat.
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170. The man exudes sex.
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171. He can put both his legs
behind his head.
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172. Thank you all for meeting
on such short notice.
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173. Yes?
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174. Yes.
Michael Scott, Dunder Mifflin.
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175. What is the purpose
of this meeting?
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176. Seeing as it's Valentine's day,
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177. I felt it would be
apropos to have
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178. a little refresher course
on romance in the workplace.
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179. Perfect.
Yes.
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180. It is quite apro-propriate.
Carry on.
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181. First things first.
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182. An office romance
is permissible.
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183. Not something you'd expect
to hear from corporate?
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184. Well, guess what.
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185. Sabre is 100% tolerant
of office romances.
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186. Speaking of, Gabe,
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187. I don't see Erin
at this meeting.
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188. Uh, I also don't see Andy.
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189. Boom!
Face!
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190. I get it.
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191. Andy's slamming my girlfriend.
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192. Very funny.
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193. What I do not approve of,
however,
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194. is public displays
of affection,
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195. or PDAs.
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196. PDAs are totally superfluous
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197. to a happy,
healthy office romance.
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198. Perfect example.
Look at Jim and Pam.
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199. Yeah?
What?
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200. Us?
They don't touch.
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201. They don't kiss.
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202. You would hardly even know
that they
Copy !req
203. were husband and wife.
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204. - Did it.
- Yeah!
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205. Love it.
Keep going.
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206. Okay.
So, PDAs.
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207. That's gonna include behaviors
such as hugging, kissing,
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208. Booby honking.
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209. Yeah, booby honking.
Sure.
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210. Butt honking.
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211. Butt honking.
Yeah, all the honkings.
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212. The one where you start
in a crouched position,
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213. then you leap...
Sure.
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214. Basically, there's
no precise definition,
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215. but you know it
when you see it.
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216. Are you guys listening to this?
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217. What, are you talking
about me and Holly?
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218. Yeah!
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219. Maybe you find your own chair.
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220. So we kiss occasionally...
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221. Occasionally? All the time.
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222. Yeah, and it's not
just the kissing.
Copy !req
223. It's the flirtatious whispering.
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224. The flirtatious tickling.
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225. Whispering and tickling
have their place in business.
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226. That thing where you
softly exhale on her neck.
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227. Okay, yeah, that's pretty hot.
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228. I will give you that.
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229. Look, you are all hypocrites.
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230. You all do it.
Michael.
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231. I have done PDA in the office.
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232. Thank you.
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233. I've had intercourse
in the office.
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234. - All right.
- As has Angela.
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235. - Dwight.
- As has Ryan.
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236. As has Kelly.
As has Meredith.
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237. As has Phyllis.
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238. As has Darryl.
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239. As has creed.
As has Michael.
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240. And as has Holly.
As has Kevin.
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241. With who?
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242. She goes to another school.
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243. Okay. Fine.
No more PDA.
Copy !req
244. - Good.
- You win.
Copy !req
245. But here's what we are gonna do.
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246. We are going to designate
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247. one of our closets
as a hook-up zone.
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248. - No.
- Anything goes.
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249. Just leave it how you said...
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250. Michael, that's absurd.
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251. What if two couples want
to go at the same time?
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252. Okay, then we have two closets.
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253. No, no, we're gonna have
three closets,
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254. one for each base, no homers.
Yes?
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255. - And what is the hook-up zone
policy on masturbation?
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256. - Pro.
- Yes.
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257. What?
Problem solved.
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258. No, no, it's great.
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259. I love working
at Dunder Mifflin,
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260. a division
of Taliban enterprises.
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261. That is weird.
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262. I mean, that's weird
to have sex in the office.
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263. That's where you work, right?
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264. You know, you're in a meeting,
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265. and nobody knows
that you've had sex there,
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266. except for you and him.
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267. Don't mind us.
You keep working.
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268. Okay.
I'll keep working.
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269. Oh, my God.
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270. It's a song.
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271. What do you think is on it?
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272. We should actually probably
talk about it outside
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273. or we might make Darryl mad.
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274. Not if we're talking like this.
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275. I think it's okay.
He doesn't seem to hear us.
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276. I think he's just being nice.
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277. That makes sense,
'cause I feel like I'd be able
Copy !req
278. to hear us at this level.
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279. Darryl.
Darryl is a jerk.
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280. - No, he's not.
- No, I'm just testing
Copy !req
281. if he can hear.
I can hear you.
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282. - Oh. Okay.
- Okay. Then no more talking.
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283. Let's just play the song.
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284. Temp at night?
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285. What do you...
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286. you got it.
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287. Pick it up.
Take it out.
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288. Pi...
Copy !req
289. - pick it up.
- Okay.
Copy !req
290. Take it out.
Pick it up.
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291. Pick it up.
Copy !req
292. Pick it up.
Take it out.
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293. Right.
Okay.
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294. Sorry to interrupt.
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295. Forgot to collect my things.
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296. Ah, the old "leave behind."
Oldest trick in the book.
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297. Good thing it's working.
Oh, no.
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298. Michael, I don't want
to make people uncomfortable.
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299. Since when is comfort
the most important thing?
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300. I mean, I don't sit on your lap
because it's comfortable.
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301. I sit on your lap
because I like the way
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302. your thighs feel on my butt.
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303. Yeah,
but if they're uncomfortable,
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304. it makes me uncomfortable.
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305. Oh. Okay.
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306. Well, if it makes you
uncomfortable,
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307. then we'll stop.
Okay.
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308. Holly and I
are like Romeo and Juliet.
Copy !req
309. And this office is like the
dragon that kept them apart.
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310. Hey.
You know the only reason
Copy !req
311. why people here
are complaining?
Copy !req
312. They are jealous of two people
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313. in love on Valentine's day.
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314. Two people in love?
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315. I love you.
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316. Wait, wait, wait,
what do you mean
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317. you love me?
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318. We've only been dating
for a week.
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319. Do you mean you love me
like, "oh, hey, there's Holly.
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320. I love that girl,"
or do you mean
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321. you love me
like you love me-love me?
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322. - I love you-love you.
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323. - Wow, you love me-love me.
Copy !req
324. I love you-love you.
Copy !req
325. I am really disappointed
in the office's policy
Copy !req
326. on PDA at this moment.
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327. I love you.
I love you.
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328. Yeah, whatever.
No big deal.
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329. Just the hottest girl
in the world loves me.
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330. Okay, Ryan's the temp.
What does he do at night?
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331. I guess we just have to wait
until night and see.
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332. Oh.
Or maybe not.
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333. Cool.
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334. - How romantic is this?
- Super romantic.
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335. Right?
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336. Do you see a clue or...
Yeah. Did you not see it?
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337. - Oh, my gosh.
- Hanks.
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338. Hey.
No time to chat.
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339. - Sorry.
- Well, we were just looking
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340. for Ryan, so he's not here.
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341. Hey.
You're looking for me?
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342. Oh, yeah, we were.
We were just looking to say hi.
Copy !req
343. So hey.
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344. - No, you weren't.
- No, we weren't.
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345. You wanted to have sex
in my office.
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346. - No.
- Definitely not.
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347. That's disgusting.
It's cool.
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348. Just try to put everything back
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349. where you found it.
Copy !req
350. Text me when you're finished.
Copy !req
351. I'll be out here.
Copy !req
352. Hey, you don't have to...
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353. That was so embarrassing
I'm gonna die.
Copy !req
354. That was really rough.
Copy !req
355. Let me make something clear.
Copy !req
356. Jim and I have never and will
never have sex in the office.
Copy !req
357. No, because the office
isn't what I'd consider
Copy !req
358. a romantic place.
Copy !req
359. Besides, we have something
those other people don't have,
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360. which is a home and a bed.
Copy !req
361. And a shower.
Copy !req
362. - Hello, Holly.
- Hello.
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363. Here, shake... no!
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364. - No, don't touch.
- No, we can't.
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365. - No touching.
- No touching.
Copy !req
366. Ah, I'm trying
not to touch you.
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367. - Almost got you.
- Oh, no, so close.
Copy !req
368. Oh.
No, we can't do that.
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369. We can't do this.
Ohh.
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370. You're not touching me.
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371. I don't know
what your body feels like.
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372. 'Cause I can't touch it.
Copy !req
373. Okay, this is much worse
than before.
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374. Yeah, I agree.
This is nasty.
Copy !req
375. - Grab you here.
- And here.
Copy !req
376. And I will grab you here
anyway.
Copy !req
377. You have to cut it out.
Copy !req
378. - Never.
- Okay.
Copy !req
379. You said you would.
I did say I would,
Copy !req
380. but I was wrong.
I can't stop.
Copy !req
381. You don't know what it is like
to love a woman
Copy !req
382. and have her love you back.
Copy !req
383. It is a feeling that cannot
and will not
Copy !req
384. and frankly cannot be contained.
Copy !req
385. No one is a bigger fan
of sexual touching than me.
Copy !req
386. But with you two, it's reaching
the level of a complex.
Copy !req
387. I can think
of three explanations.
Copy !req
388. You're taking MDMA...
street name, ecstasy.
Copy !req
389. I've done it,
and I know the feeling.
Copy !req
390. No. I don't think so.
Copy !req
391. You're desperately trying
Copy !req
392. to fit in a whole relationship
Copy !req
393. before Toby comes back
from jury duty
Copy !req
394. and Holly has to go back
to nashua.
Copy !req
395. You're at an age
Copy !req
396. where your sexual climaxes
aren't as powerful
Copy !req
397. so you need to overcompensate
Copy !req
398. with foreplay, taboo behavior.
Copy !req
399. Yes, it was that.
Copy !req
400. It's that one.
Yes. Number three.
Copy !req
401. Give me all your money
and take off your clothes.
Copy !req
402. We're not supposed to PDA.
Copy !req
403. Come on.
Nobody's looking.
Copy !req
404. What's wrong?
Copy !req
405. I hadn't thought about you
having to go back to nashua.
Copy !req
406. Maybe we didn't want
to think about it.
Copy !req
407. We can make it work.
We'll date long-distance.
Copy !req
408. That's what we said last time.
Copy !req
409. Remember?
Copy !req
410. We broke up on the drive.
Copy !req
411. How's this gonna be
any different?
Copy !req
412. We weren't in love last time.
Copy !req
413. I was in love with you.
Copy !req
414. I'm not saying
it won't be hard.
Copy !req
415. But we can make it work.
Copy !req
416. That's what she said.
Copy !req
417. One Erin special, please.
Copy !req
418. Here's your bottle
of sparkling cider.
Copy !req
419. That's my favorite.
Copy !req
420. I'm now supposed to tell you
Copy !req
421. to enjoy a mid-hunt break
and look for a heart
Copy !req
422. or some In the break
room when you're through.
Copy !req
423. Hey, buck up, buddy.
Copy !req
424. Make that face he likes.
Copy !req
425. Hey. Hey. Come on.
You're hurting him.
Copy !req
426. It's like a time bomb...
Copy !req
427. - Shh.
- Is ticking down.
Copy !req
428. When it goes off,
no more kissing.
Copy !req
429. No more hugging.
Just hush.
Copy !req
430. Sexual time bomb.
Copy !req
431. Just rock.
Shh.
Copy !req
432. Boner bomb
starring Jason Statham.
Copy !req
433. Or we go against type
with an Eisenberg
Copy !req
434. or a Michael Cera.
Copy !req
435. - Movie idea?
- No.
Copy !req
436. Saving the world
has never been this hard.
Copy !req
437. Okay.
Shh.
Copy !req
438. Have you talked to her
about our feelings?
Copy !req
439. Women really go for that crap.
Copy !req
440. No, I can't talk to her.
Copy !req
441. I can't even look at her
Copy !req
442. without thinking
about it ending.
Copy !req
443. Kevin.
Do more stupid faces.
Copy !req
444. Which one?
I have a lot of stupid faces.
Copy !req
445. - I don't know.
- Do the monkey face.
Copy !req
446. - Do a monkey face.
- I love that.
Copy !req
447. I love that face.
Good. He loves it.
Copy !req
448. Good. Jump.
Jump up and down.
Copy !req
449. - No. The monkey!
- Go back to the monkey.
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450. Don't do the squirrel.
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451. Throw your poop.
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452. Hurl your feces.
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453. That's good.
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454. - Good.
- That's good. He's throwing it.
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455. They really do that.
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456. I know.
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457. - B-9.
- B-9.
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458. Like benign tumor.
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459. Maybe it's just more like,
"be mine."
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460. Oh, yes.
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461. There's a note.
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462. "A little cookie
for you, my miss.
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463. But the real treasure
is your Valentine's kiss."
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464. Oh.
We're supposed to...
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465. Holly. Hey.
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466. - Hi.
- Holly, I love you
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467. so, so, so much.
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468. And I think
that we need to break up.
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469. What?
What are you talking about?
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470. Actually it's Valentine's day.
Shouldn't be doing this today.
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471. I'll talk to you tomorrow.
No, we're gonna talk now.
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472. You're not breaking up with me.
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473. You're gonna go back
to nashua eventually,
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474. and I can't handle it.
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475. So let's just...
let's...
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476. what if I said
it wasn't up to them?
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477. - Who?
- The company.
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478. Nobody knows our future,
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479. but it's not gonna be decided
by the company.
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480. It's not gonna be decided
by anybody but us.
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481. What we are
is up to you and me.
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482. Okay. Okay.
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483. Ladies and gentlemen,
I have an announcement to make.
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484. As of today, officially,
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485. Holly and I
are moving in together.
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486. Thank you. Thank you.
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487. Oscar, this must be tough
for you, watching this go down.
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488. You could not stand in the way
of true love, my friend.
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489. Are you kidding?
I wasn't trying
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490. to break you guys up.
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491. Better luck next time, pal.
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492. Well, the point is,
there will no longer be
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493. any need for PDA here
at the office
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494. between us because,
when we get home,
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495. we are going to make love to
and with one another,
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496. and that, to me, is the best
Valentine's day present
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497. that a person could receive.
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498. So I bid you all adieu.
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499. - You do?
- I do.
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500. Go on.
Kiss each other already.
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501. Suck it, Oscar.
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502. This must kill you.
I just told them to do it.
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503. - What?
- No.
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504. No.
We took a walk.
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505. We took a walk.
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506. My perfect Valentine's day?
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507. I'm at home, three cell phones
in front of me,
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508. fielding desperate calls
from people who want
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509. to buy one of
the 50 restaurant reservations
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510. I made over six months ago.
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511. Anybody can be prince charming
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512. one day a year with the dinner
and the flowers and all that.
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513. But you know what impresses me?
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514. When a guy can do
that no days a year.
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515. Flowers, diamonds,
three course meal...
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516. Violinist comes to
my table to serenate me...
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517. Pizza, soda, the moon,
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518. someone to share it with...
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519. What are our plans for tonight?
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