1. Hey, how you doing?Copy !req
2. Been thinking about
my grandmother a lot.Copy !req
3. Yeah.
She was about to turn 97.Copy !req
4. At least she lived
a very long, and I'm sure,
a very happy life.Copy !req
5. Mmm.Copy !req
6. Got you this card.Copy !req
7. When you're ready,
we all signed it.Copy !req
8. We just wanted you to know
we're thinking about you.Copy !req
9. Thank you.Copy !req
10. "Congratulations, Darryl.
Let's get wasted."Copy !req
11. "Have fun today, big guy."Copy !req
12. "Oh, yeah. Party time.Copy !req
13. "Whoop-whoop."Copy !req
14. It's possible that
some people thought
it was your birthday.Copy !req
15. "Hooray. Live it up, big D."Copy !req
16. "Days like this don't
come often enough.Copy !req
17. "Time to celebrate.Copy !req
18. "You deserve this"?Copy !req
19. Birthday punches!
One, two, three,
four, five, six...Copy !req
20. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
21. 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19,
20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25...Copy !req
22. So, I got an early
res at Blu Wasabi,Copy !req
23. and I'm taking Rachel.Copy !req
24. She's picking
me up after work.Copy !req
25. Rachel from the party?Copy !req
26. Oh, yeah.
Nice.Copy !req
27. Do the damn thing.Copy !req
28. Blu Wasabi is so good,
but get the cheeseburger.Copy !req
29. They say they won't do it,Copy !req
30. but they will if
you make a scene.Copy !req
31. Okay, bye.
Okay, bye.Copy !req
32. I'll miss you.Copy !req
33. Miss you.Copy !req
34. Okay. I'll be in my
office if you need me.
Bye-bye.Copy !req
35. Bye.Copy !req
36. Okay, bye.
Bye.Copy !req
37. All right, bye. Bye.
Bye. Okay.Copy !req
38. One more big one.
Don't go. I don't
want you to go.Copy !req
39. Let go.
Don't go.Copy !req
40. Holly and I are dating.Copy !req
41. It's been a week,
and I still can't
believe it.Copy !req
42. It goes to show
that everythingCopy !req
43. you want in life,
you get.Copy !req
44. And you can't work for it.
It just comes to you.Copy !req
45. And what do we have here?Copy !req
46. From my secret admirer.
That's you.Copy !req
47. Caught.Copy !req
48. I dominate Valentine's Day.Copy !req
49. I practically make
romance into a science.Copy !req
50. "Roses are red.
Violets are blue.Copy !req
51. "Look in the vase
to find your first clue."Copy !req
52. Oh, my gosh.
It's a romantic
scavenger hunt.Copy !req
53. Close. It's a romantic
treasure hunt.Copy !req
54. A scavenger hunt is where you
find items from a master list.Copy !req
55. This is where you follow
clues that lead to a prize.Copy !req
56. Common misuse. Good luck.Copy !req
57. But there's no clue.Copy !req
58. Well, get to work.Copy !req
59. I can't 'cause
there's no clue.Copy !req
60. The puzzle is the clue.Copy !req
61. Are these numbers correct?Copy !req
62. The numbers are
correct, Michael.Copy !req
63. Okay.Copy !req
64. Are you... Are
you sick, Oscar?Copy !req
65. Do you need to go home?Copy !req
66. 'Cause you're grossing me out.Copy !req
67. I just need a signature.Copy !req
68. There you go. Thanks.Copy !req
69. Thank you.Copy !req
70. How much did you give him?
Big tip.Copy !req
71. Wait. I don't have my scarf.Copy !req
72. What?
I'm missing my scarf. Oh...Copy !req
73. We decided to have
a Valentine's Day lunch,Copy !req
74. and then that way we can spend
the entire night with Cece,Copy !req
75. and avoid the Valentine's
Day dinner thing.Copy !req
76. It's a whole thing.Copy !req
77. Yeah, lunch was wonderful!Copy !req
78. Um, there was
an amazing buffet,Copy !req
79. and there was
a chocolate
fondue station.Copy !req
80. And what else was there?Copy !req
81. Uh, bottomless champagne.
Yes.Copy !req
82. Never found that
bottom, did we?
No.Copy !req
83. Pssst! Pssst!Copy !req
84. What's up?Copy !req
85. Are you good
at jigsaw puzzles?Copy !req
86. Are you kidding me?
It's all I did every summerCopy !req
87. when my brothers
were out sailing.Copy !req
88. Okay.
But if this is a romantic
thing with Gabe,Copy !req
89. I should probably...Copy !req
90. Oh! No, no, no, no.
It's not weird at all.Copy !req
91. You have your new
girlfriend, I have Gabe.Copy !req
92. This is just as friends.Copy !req
93. Well, okay then.Copy !req
94. Yes!
At least until
Stanley calms down.Copy !req
95. Oh, is he...
Don't look.Copy !req
96. I accidentally did his sudoku.Copy !req
97. Andy.Copy !req
98. All right, I will
fax over it to you.Copy !req
99. I will fax it over to you.
Okay. Thank you.Copy !req
100. Okay, my name isCopy !req
101. Jim Halpert,
and I will fax it in to you.Copy !req
102. Under you.
I'll fax it under you.Copy !req
103. Oh, excuse me.
I just pissed my pants.Copy !req
104. Not really. I didn't really.Copy !req
105. Wait.Copy !req
106. You're just filling
that out right now?Copy !req
107. That wasn't meant for me.Copy !req
108. I will not be your valentine.Copy !req
109. Oh, nuts.Copy !req
110. I don't know if anyone
else feels this way,Copy !req
111. and don't get me wrong,
I love Michael and Holly.Copy !req
112. And maybe I'm being
overly sensitive, butCopy !req
113. the PDA...Copy !req
114. Yes! The freaking PDA!
Uh-huh.Copy !req
115. Thank you!Copy !req
116. I mean, I'm thrilled for them.Copy !req
117. No one is more thrilled
for them than I am...
Yes. Yes, absolutely.Copy !req
118. but it's totally
inappropriate.Copy !req
119. Yeah, it's a little much.Copy !req
120. Obviously, so happy
for them both.
So happy. Yeah.Copy !req
121. I don't know, guys.
I, for one,Copy !req
122. enjoy watching
them, because...
No, stop. Just don't...Copy !req
123. Can I finish? Can I finish?
Is that okay?
No, no, no.Copy !req
124. I was saying,Copy !req
125. I enjoy watching themCopy !req
126. because it makes me horny.Copy !req
127. God! Kevin!Copy !req
128. So, tell me about
your new girlfriend.Copy !req
129. She's neat.Copy !req
130. Uh, I met her
at Darryl's
cousin's party.Copy !req
131. We were the only two
white people there.Copy !req
132. Oh, cute.Copy !req
133. Hey, look at that. Done.Copy !req
134. That's Gabe's boom box.Copy !req
135. Come on, we have
to go find it.Copy !req
136. I wish you well on your quest.Copy !req
137. No, come on.Copy !req
138. I mean...Copy !req
139. Come on!Copy !req
140. Okay.Copy !req
141. I hear them kissing
all the time.Copy !req
142. It's this horrible
plipping sound.Copy !req
143. You know, it's like
Chinese water torture.Copy !req
144. Just...Copy !req
145. Like it's coming
from my own head.Copy !req
146. Okay, sit. Okay.Copy !req
147. Just close your eyes.Copy !req
148. Can you get lower?Copy !req
149. Oh, yeah.
A little lower.Copy !req
150. I cannot keep myself
from Michael.Copy !req
151. Everything he does is sexy.Copy !req
152. He has this undeniable
animal magnetism.
He's a jungle cat.Copy !req
153. The man exudes sex.Copy !req
154. He can put both his
legs behind his head.Copy !req
155. Thank you all for meeting
on such short notice.Copy !req
156. Yes?Copy !req
157. Yes. Michael Scott,
Dunder Mifflin.Copy !req
158. What is the purpose
of this meeting?Copy !req
159. Seeing as it's
Valentine's Day,Copy !req
160. I felt it would
be apropos to haveCopy !req
161. a little refresher course
on romance in the workplace.Copy !req
162. Perfect. Yes. It is quite
apro-propriate. Carry on.Copy !req
163. First things first,
an office romance
is permissible.Copy !req
164. Not something you'd expect
to hear from corporate.
Well, guess what?Copy !req
165. Sabre is 100% tolerant
of office romances.Copy !req
166. Speaking of, Gabe,
I don't see Erin
at this meeting.Copy !req
167. Uh, I also don't see Andy.Copy !req
168. Ooh.Copy !req
169. Boom! Face!Copy !req
170. I get it. Andy's
slamming my girlfriend.Copy !req
171. Very funny.Copy !req
172. What I do not approve of,
however, is public
displays of affection,Copy !req
173. or PDAs.Copy !req
174. PDAs are totally
superfluous to a happy,
healthy office romance.Copy !req
175. A perfect example,
look at Jim and Pam.Copy !req
176. Yeah. What? Us?Copy !req
177. They don't touch.
They don't kiss.Copy !req
178. You would hardly even
know that they were
husband and wife.Copy !req
179. Did it.
Yeah!Copy !req
180. Love it.
Keep it going.Copy !req
181. Okay. So, PDAs.Copy !req
182. That's gonna include
behaviors such as
hugging, kissing...Copy !req
183. Uh...
Booby honking.Copy !req
184. Yeah, booby honking. Sure.Copy !req
185. Butt honking.Copy !req
186. Butt honking.
Yup, all the honkings.Copy !req
187. The one where you
start in a crouched
position, then you leap...Copy !req
188. Sure. Basically, there's
no precise definition,Copy !req
189. but you know
it when you see it.Copy !req
190. Are you guys
listening to this?Copy !req
191. What? Are you talking
about me and Holly?Copy !req
192. Yeah!Copy !req
193. Maybe you find
your own chair.Copy !req
194. So, we kiss occasionally.Copy !req
195. Not occasionally.
All the time.Copy !req
196. Yeah, and it's not
just the kissing.Copy !req
197. It's the flirtatious
whispering.Copy !req
198. The flirtatious tickling.Copy !req
199. Whispering and tickling
have their place in business.Copy !req
200. That thing where you
softly exhale on her neck.Copy !req
201. I...Copy !req
202. Okay, yeah, that's pretty hot.
I will give you that.Copy !req
203. Look, you are
all hypocrites.
You all do it.Copy !req
204. Michael? Confession.Copy !req
205. I have done PDA in the office.Copy !req
206. Thank you.Copy !req
207. I've had intercourse
in the office.
All right.Copy !req
208. As has Angela.
Dwight!Copy !req
209. As has Ryan.
As has Kelly.
As has Meredith.Copy !req
210. As has Phyllis. As has Darryl.
As has Creed. As has Michael.
As has Holly.Copy !req
211. As has Kevin.Copy !req
212. With who?Copy !req
213. She goes to another school.Copy !req
214. Okay, fine. No more PDA.Copy !req
215. Good.
You win.Copy !req
216. But here's what
we are gonna do.Copy !req
217. We are going to designate
one of our closets
as a hook-up zone.Copy !req
218. No.
Anything goes!Copy !req
219. Just leave it how you said...
Michael,
that's absurd.Copy !req
220. What if two couples want
to go at the same time?Copy !req
221. Ugh, Dwight!
Okay, then we have two...Copy !req
222. No, no, we're gonna
have three closets,Copy !req
223. one for each base,
no homers. Yes?Copy !req
224. And what is the hook-up zone
policy on masturbation?Copy !req
225. Pro.
Yes.Copy !req
226. What? Problem solved.Copy !req
227. No, no, it's great.
I love working
at Dunder Mifflin,Copy !req
228. a division of
Taliban enterprises.Copy !req
229. That's weird.Copy !req
230. I mean, that's weird
to have sex in the office.Copy !req
231. That's where you work, right?Copy !req
232. Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
233. You know, you're in a meeting,Copy !req
234. and nobody knows that
you've had sex there,Copy !req
235. except for you and him.Copy !req
236. Ew.Copy !req
237. Don't mind us.
You keep working.Copy !req
238. Okay, I'll keep working.Copy !req
239. Oh, my God. It's a song.Copy !req
240. Whoa.Copy !req
241. What do you think is on it?Copy !req
242. We should actually probably
talk about it outside,Copy !req
243. or we might make Darryl mad.Copy !req
244. Not if we're talking
like this. I think it's okay.Copy !req
245. He doesn't seem to hear us.Copy !req
246. I think he's just being nice.Copy !req
247. That makes sense 'cause
I feel like I'd be able
to hear us at this level.Copy !req
248. Darryl?Copy !req
249. Darryl is a jerk.Copy !req
250. No, he's not.Copy !req
251. No, I'm just testing
if he can hear.Copy !req
252. I can hear you.
Okay.Copy !req
253. Then no more talking.
Let's just play the song.Copy !req
254. The temp at nightCopy !req
255. The temp at nightCopy !req
256. The temp at nightCopy !req
257. The temp at nightCopy !req
258. Temp at night?Copy !req
259. What do you...Copy !req
260. You got it.Copy !req
261. Pick it up. Take it out.Copy !req
262. Pick?Copy !req
263. Pick it up.
Okay.Copy !req
264. Take it out.
Pick it up.
Pick it up.Copy !req
265. Pick it up. Take it out.Copy !req
266. Right. Okay.Copy !req
267. Sorry to interrupt.
Forgot to collect my things.Copy !req
268. Ah, the old leave behind.
Oldest trick in the book.Copy !req
269. Good thing it's working.Copy !req
270. No. Michael, I don't want
to make people uncomfortable.Copy !req
271. Since when is comfort
the most important thing?Copy !req
272. I mean, I don't sit
on your lap because
it's comfortable.Copy !req
273. I sit on your lap
because I like the way
your thighs feel on my butt.Copy !req
274. Yeah, but if they're
uncomfortable, it makes
me uncomfortable.Copy !req
275. Oh, okay. Well,
if it makes you
uncomfortable,Copy !req
276. then we'll stop.
Okay.Copy !req
277. Holly and I are like
Romeo and Juliet,Copy !req
278. and this office is like the
dragon that kept them apart.Copy !req
279. Hey, you know the only
reason why people
here are complaining?Copy !req
280. They are jealous of two people
in love on Valentine's Day.Copy !req
281. Two people in love?Copy !req
282. I love you.Copy !req
283. Wait, wait, wait.
What do you mean
you love me?Copy !req
284. We've only been
dating for a week.Copy !req
285. Do you mean you love
me like, "Hey, there's
Holly. I love that girl,"Copy !req
286. or do you mean you
love me like you
"love me" love me?Copy !req
287. I "love you" love you.Copy !req
288. You "love me" love me.Copy !req
289. I "love you" love you.Copy !req
290. I am really disappointed
in the office's policy
on PDA at this moment.Copy !req
291. I love you.Copy !req
292. I love you.Copy !req
293. Yeah, whatever. No big deal.Copy !req
294. Just the hottest girl
in the world loves me.Copy !req
295. Okay, Ryan's the temp.
What does he do at night?Copy !req
296. I guess we just have
to wait until night and see.Copy !req
297. Oh.Copy !req
298. Or maybe not.Copy !req
299. Oh.Copy !req
300. Cool.Copy !req
301. How romantic is this?Copy !req
302. Super romantic.
Right?Copy !req
303. Do you see a clue or...Copy !req
304. Did you not see it?Copy !req
305. Oh, my gosh.
Hanks.Copy !req
306. Oh, hey.
Hey. No time to chat!Copy !req
307. Sorry.
Well, we were just
looking for Ryan.Copy !req
308. So, he's not here.
Hey, you're looking for me?Copy !req
309. Oh, yeah, we were.
We were just looking
to say hi. So, hey.Copy !req
310. No, you weren't.Copy !req
311. No, we weren't.Copy !req
312. You wanted to have
sex in my office.Copy !req
313. No.
Definitely not.
That's disgusting.Copy !req
314. It's cool.Copy !req
315. Just, um, try to put
everything back
where you found it.Copy !req
316. Text me when you're
finished. I'll be out here.Copy !req
317. Hey, you don't have to...Copy !req
318. That was so embarrassing.
I'm gonna die.Copy !req
319. That was really rough.Copy !req
320. Let me make
something clear.Copy !req
321. Jim and I have never
and will never have
sex in the office.Copy !req
322. No, because the office
isn't what I'd consider
a romantic place.Copy !req
323. Besides, we have
something those other
people don't have,Copy !req
324. which is a home and a bed.Copy !req
325. And a shower.Copy !req
326. Hello, Holly.
Hello.Copy !req
327. Here, shake. No!Copy !req
328. No, don't touch.
No, we can't.Copy !req
329. No touching.
No touching.Copy !req
330. Ah, I'm trying
not to touch you.Copy !req
331. Oh.Copy !req
332. Almost got you.
No, so close.Copy !req
333. Oh!Copy !req
334. No, we can't do that.
We can't do this.Copy !req
335. You're not touching me.Copy !req
336. I don't know what your
body feels like, 'cause
I can't touch it.Copy !req
337. Okay, this is much
worse than before.Copy !req
338. Yeah, I agree. This is nasty.Copy !req
339. Grab you here.
And here.Copy !req
340. And I will
grab you here anyway.Copy !req
341. You have to cut it out.Copy !req
342. Never.
Okay.Copy !req
343. You said you would.
I did say I would,Copy !req
344. but I was wrong.
I can't stop.Copy !req
345. You don't know what
it is like to love a womanCopy !req
346. and have her love you back.
It is a feeling that cannot,
and will not,Copy !req
347. and frankly cannot
be contained.Copy !req
348. No one is a bigger fan
of sexual touching than me.Copy !req
349. But with you two,
it's reaching the level
of a complex.Copy !req
350. I can think of
three explanations.Copy !req
351. One, you're taking MDMA,
street name, Ecstasy.Copy !req
352. I've done it,
and I know the feeling.Copy !req
353. No, I don't think so.Copy !req
354. Number two, you're
desperately trying to fit
in a whole relationshipCopy !req
355. before Toby comes back
from jury duty and Holly
has to go back to Nashua.Copy !req
356. Or three, you're at an ageCopy !req
357. where your sexual climaxes
aren't as powerful,Copy !req
358. so you need to overcompensate
with foreplay, taboo behavior.Copy !req
359. Yes, it was that.
It's that one.Copy !req
360. Yes. Number three.Copy !req
361. Give me all your money
and take off your clothes.Copy !req
362. We're not supposed to PDA.Copy !req
363. Come on. Nobody's looking.Copy !req
364. What's wrong?Copy !req
365. I hadn't thought about you
having to go back to Nashua.Copy !req
366. Maybe we didn't want
to think about it.Copy !req
367. We can make it work.
We'll date long-distance.Copy !req
368. That's what we said
last time, remember?Copy !req
369. We broke up on the drive.Copy !req
370. How's this gonna
be any different?Copy !req
371. We weren't in love last time.Copy !req
372. I was in love with you.Copy !req
373. I'm not saying
it won't be hard,
but we can make it work.Copy !req
374. That's what she said.Copy !req
375. One Erin special, please.Copy !req
376. Here's your bottle
of sparkling cider.Copy !req
377. That's my favorite.Copy !req
378. I'm now supposed to tell youCopy !req
379. to enjoy a mid-hunt
break, and look for
a heart or someCopy !req
380. in the break room
when you're through.Copy !req
381. Hey, buck up, buddy.Copy !req
382. Make that face he likes.Copy !req
383. Hey. Hey, come on.
You're hurting him.Copy !req
384. It's like a time bomb
is ticking down.Copy !req
385. When it goes off,
no more kissing,
no more hugging.Copy !req
386. Just hush.Copy !req
387. Sexual time bomb.Copy !req
388. Just rock.Copy !req
389. "Boner Bomb" starring
Jason Statham,Copy !req
390. or we go against type
with an Eisenberg
or a Michael Cera.Copy !req
391. Movie idea?
No.Copy !req
392. Saving the world has
never been this hard.Copy !req
393. Okay.Copy !req
394. Have you talked to her
about our feelings? Women
really go for that crap.Copy !req
395. No, I can't talk to her.Copy !req
396. I can't even look
at her without thinking
about it ending.Copy !req
397. Kevin, do more stupid faces.Copy !req
398. Which one?Copy !req
399. I have a lot of stupid faces.
I don't know.Copy !req
400. Do a monkey face.
Do a monkey face.Copy !req
401. I love that.
I love that face.
Good. He loves it.Copy !req
402. Good. Jump. Jump up and down.Copy !req
403. No, monkey!
Go back to the monkey.Copy !req
404. Don't do the squirrel.Copy !req
405. Throw your poop.
Hurl your feces.Copy !req
406. That's good.
Good.Copy !req
407. That's good. He's throwing it.Copy !req
408. They really do that.
I know.Copy !req
409. B-9.
B-9.Copy !req
410. Like benign tumor.Copy !req
411. Maybe it's just
more like "Be mine."Copy !req
412. Oh, yes. There's a note.Copy !req
413. "A little cookie
for you, my miss.Copy !req
414. "But the real treasure
is your Valentine's kiss."Copy !req
415. Mmm.Copy !req
416. So...Copy !req
417. We're supposed to...Copy !req
418. Hmm...Copy !req
419. Holly, hey.
Hi.Copy !req
420. Holly, I love you
so, so, so much.Copy !req
421. And I think that
we need to break up.Copy !req
422. What? What are
you talking about?Copy !req
423. Actually, it's
Valentine's Day.Copy !req
424. Shouldn't be doing this today.
I'll talk to you tomorrow.Copy !req
425. No, we're gonna talk now.Copy !req
426. You're not breaking
up with me.Copy !req
427. You're gonna go back
to Nashua eventually,
and I can't handle it.Copy !req
428. So let's just... Let's...Copy !req
429. What if I said
it wasn't up to them?Copy !req
430. Who?
The company.Copy !req
431. Nobody knows our future,Copy !req
432. but it's not gonna be
decided by the company.Copy !req
433. It's not gonna be decided
by anybody but us.Copy !req
434. And what we are
is up to you and me.Copy !req
435. Okay. Okay.Copy !req
436. Ladies and gentlemen,
I have an announcement
to make.Copy !req
437. As of today, officially,Copy !req
438. Holly and I are
moving in together.Copy !req
439. Yay!Copy !req
440. Thank you. Thank you.Copy !req
441. Oscar, this must
be tough for you,
watching this go down.Copy !req
442. You could not stand
in the way of true love,
my friend.Copy !req
443. Are you kidding?
I wasn't trying
to break you guys up.Copy !req
444. Better luck next time, pal.Copy !req
445. Well, the point is, there
will no longer be any need
for PDA here at the officeCopy !req
446. between us, because
when we get home,Copy !req
447. we are going to make love
to and with one another,Copy !req
448. and that, to me, is the best
Valentine's Day presentCopy !req
449. that a person could receive.
So, I bid you all adieu.Copy !req
450. You do?
I do.Copy !req
451. Go on. Kiss each
other already.Copy !req
452. Suck it, Oscar.
This must kill you.Copy !req
453. I just told them to do it.Copy !req
454. What?
No.Copy !req
455. No.Copy !req
456. We took a walk.
We took a walk.Copy !req
457. My perfect Valentine's Day?Copy !req
458. I'm at home, three cell
phones in front of me,Copy !req
459. fielding desperate calls
from people who want to buyCopy !req
460. one of the 50 restaurant
reservations I made over
six months ago.Copy !req
461. Anybody can be Prince
Charming one day a yearCopy !req
462. with the dinner
and the flowers
and all that.Copy !req
463. But you know what
impresses me?Copy !req
464. When a guy can do
that no days a year.Copy !req
465. Flowers, diamonds,
three-course meal,Copy !req
466. violinist comes to my
table to serenade me.Copy !req
467. Pizza, soda, the moon,Copy !req
468. someone to share it with.Copy !req
469. What are our plans
for tonight?Copy !req
470. Um...Copy !req