1. Why?
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2. 20 minutes a day, Jim.
That's all it takes.
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3. 20 minutes a day,
all feet, no hands
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4. and I'll have
the pededexterity of a chimp
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5. and you'll be sitting there
like an idiot.
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6. Okay, here we go.
Ah, yes.
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7. - Do you mind?
- I'm sorry, Pam.
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8. Allow me to write you
an apology letter.
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9. You don't have to do that.
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10. - D-e-a...
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11. oops, space, "a.
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12. Dear..."
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13. thank you, hands.
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14. Nothing else in the universe
can do what you do.
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15. Oh, don't worry about it.
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16. Dwight, it's okay.
You were wrong.
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17. It's so hot.
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18. Well, "a" for effort, right?
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19. Welcome.
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20. Start your morning right
with a burst of blueberry
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21. or try plain.
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22. What's the occasion?
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23. Dwight said this entry
was a waste of space.
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24. I would like
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25. Du blueberry,
por favor.
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26. - $8.
- $8?
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27. Owning a building is a war
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28. between the landlord
and the tenant.
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29. Not a literal war,
unfortunately.
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30. But I am using
the same tactics.
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31. I have surrounded the enemy
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32. and I'm slowly starving them.
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33. To save on electricity,
I have installed a timer
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34. and motion censors
on the lights.
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35. It's part of my
green initiative.
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36. And by green, I mean money.
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37. - Mm-hmm. China.
China.
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38. Michael, how was the dentist?
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39. It was great.
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40. China.
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41. Are you okay?
What's wrong?
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42. Everything here
was made in China, Pam.
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43. Yeah, that's where
they make stuff.
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44. They used to make stuff
in America, Andy,
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45. but we're falling behind.
Did you know that?
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46. China is a sleeping dragon
that is just beginning to stir.
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47. - Oh, no.
- Yeah.
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48. Right here.
It is right there.
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49. Anybody read the news anymore?
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50. China is on the move.
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51. I found that
in the waiting room
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52. at the dentist's office.
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53. This kid had the magazine
I wanted to read.
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54. That's the only one
I could reach
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55. and I read it
and then I read it again.
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56. My whole life I believed
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57. that America was number one.
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58. That was the saying.
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59. Not America's number two.
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60. England is number two.
China should be like eight.
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61. Hey, Andy.
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62. Hey, Darryl.
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63. You gotta stop
texting me so much.
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64. But I wanted you to know that
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65. Michael and I
are wearing the same tie today.
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66. It's insane.
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67. You need to change
your standard
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68. for what's worthy of a text.
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69. Ask yourself,
"is this something
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70. Darryl needs to know?"
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71. The answer's almost
always "no."
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72. Got it.
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73. Then I will call you.
No.
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74. There was a time when
the only people who texted you
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75. were people you wanted
to text you. Girls.
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76. And they'd all say
the same thing.
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77. "I'm comin' over, baby."
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78. And I would text back.
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79. "B.T.B."
Bring that Booty.
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80. Dwight.
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81. Why is the toilet paper
only half a ply?
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82. Oh, I'm sorry.
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83. Is that not good enough
for your anus?
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84. Don't get me started
on how coddled
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85. the modern anus is.
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86. Okay, um, Stanley,
maybe you can just unspool
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87. a little more each time
you need to...
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88. don't tell me how
to do my business.
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89. Stanley, as a fellow
dunder Mifflin employee
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90. I feel for you, but like you,
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91. I am completely powerless
to the whims
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92. of the new building owner.
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93. Which is you.
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94. "Which is you"
is not a sentence.
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95. I disagree with.
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96. Are you gonna just
sit there office administrator
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97. or are you gonna do something?
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98. Dwight, can we talk
about these cut backs?
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99. Pam, when I'm sitting
at this desk, I'm a salesman.
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100. If you wanna talk
to the new building owner,
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101. you should call Nate
and schedule an appointment.
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102. I'm not gonna do that.
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103. Well, then you're not going
to talk to new building owner,
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104. which is a shame,
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105. because I hear
he's a very reasonable guy.
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106. Y'ello?
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107. Hi, Nate.
It's Pam Halpert.
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108. Oh, hey, Pam.
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109. Hey, I would just love
to schedule a meeting
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110. today with Dwight.
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111. Let me just put you on hold
st for one eensy second.
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112. Sure.
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113. - Dwight Schrute.
- Hmm.
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114. Tell her I'm busy.
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115. I don't know.
Make something up.
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116. Hey, Pam, Dwight's being
questioned by the police
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117. in a connection
with a string of dognappings
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118. that have been...
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119. Dwight.
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120. Dwight, can you please tell
new building owner
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121. that he is screwing over
all the people he works with.
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122. People he's worked with
for ars.
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123. His friends.
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124. You know what, Pam?
You're right.
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125. This isn't just a business,
this is a home.
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126. And I would much rather
see a smile from Kevin
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127. than save hundreds on
plumbing and electricity.
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128. Oh, my God.
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129. What?
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130. According to the Internet
the tallest man in the world
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131. is Chinese.
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132. So much for keeping
our secrets up high.
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133. What's America gonna do?
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134. I know what we're gonna do.
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135. We're gonna put
our best minds on it.
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136. Everybody, stop working.
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137. I want you all
to imagine a world
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138. in which America is not
the number-one super power.
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139. Where forks are irrelevant.
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140. And where every man, woman
and child
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141. is expected to learn
how to play the cello.
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142. Now, open your eyes.
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143. You never told us
to close them.
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144. Welcome to your future.
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145. What do we do?
How do we stop this?
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146. How do we stop it?
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147. With a big idea.
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148. That's what America
is built on.
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149. Big ideas, blue jeans,
the grand canyon.
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150. Who's got one?
Who's got a big idea?
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151. An idea bigger
than the grand canyon?
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152. Yes, indeed.
Yes, Kevin.
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153. An antacid that you
only take once a week.
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154. - Once-a-week antacid
is the idea to beat.
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155. Anyone else?
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156. Nobody?
Okay, then, we are...
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157. - Michael.
- Yes.
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158. An acid pill that you take
once every six weeks.
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159. Why not go just one
for the year?
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160. I don't know.
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161. It's too big a pill to swallow.
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162. All right.
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163. What if we all get together
and help each other
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164. and hire a new guy and then
we all kill him
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165. but first we take out, like, a
$100,000 life insurance policy?
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166. I bet you guys like that idea,
don't you?
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167. I think that's what
they're doing to me.
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168. I can't prove it,
but I wanted to see their faces
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169. when I said it.
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170. I learned nothing.
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171. I don't know what the
♪ that was.
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172. I say we bomb 'em.
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173. By 2020 they're gonna be
the world's largest economy
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174. and they're getting a taste
r protein.
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175. We'll all starve.
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176. Yeah, Dwight's right,
we should drop the bomb.
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177. No, he's not...
we're not...
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178. where would we even
drop it, Phyllis?
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179. Did you know that in China
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180. there are 56 cities with
over a million people?
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181. You know
how many we have here? Nine.
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182. Actually, that's not true.
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183. I know the figure you're
referring to
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184. and it's a projection
of 15 years from now.
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185. Thank God.
No. No, that is right now.
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186. Michael, China's agrarian.
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187. Urbanizing fast?
You betcha.
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188. But still agrarian.
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189. Most in terms of land
not population.
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190. Come on, Michael,
you couldn't...
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191. no! No, you're wrong
about this.
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192. Where are you getting
this information?
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193. I got it from
New York times dot com.
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194. - Uh-oh.
Getting nervous, Oscar?
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195. Okay, someone look it up.
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196. I'm on it, Jim.
I'm on it.
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197. Guys, it's not worth it.
Really.
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198. Guys this is not
worth our time.
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199. "Are you watching this?"
Seriously?
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200. Well, are you?
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201. I'm sittin' right here.
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202. Got it.
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203. China has 56 cities with a
population of over one million.
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204. The U.S. has nine.
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205. Suck it, Oscar.
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206. Well, on the plus side
all this worrying about China
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207. has made you
smarter than Oscar, Michael.
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208. Great, I was wrong.
I'm wrong.
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209. Is everyone happy?
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210. So I happen to know more than
the smartest guy in the office.
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211. So what?
I don't care.
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212. Okay, now, where were we
before I bested Oscar?
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213. Wow, so this building can
get uglier.
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214. I will not work
in a roach billboard.
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215. Oh, my God.
I can't look at roaches.
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216. Michael, do something
about this.
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217. Absolutely.
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218. Pam, this is exactly why
I hired you
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219. as office administrator.
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220. Handle it.
Takin' care of business.
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221. Dwight, take it down.
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222. I'm serious.
Take it down or else.
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223. Or else.
Or else what?
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224. There's nothing you can do.
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225. We can move out.
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226. Uh. Really?
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227. So does anyone wanna know
where I've been
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228. for the last two hours?
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229. Oh, my God, I've been playing
zombie soccer for two hours?
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230. I went out to look for
a better office space.
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231. Waste of time.
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232. Not really,
because I found one.
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233. Oh, wow.
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234. These are nice.
Yep.
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235. Let me see.
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236. Look at the huge offices, Jim.
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237. Yeah, I know.
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238. Check out that conference room.
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239. - Totally.
- You can't just move out.
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240. Oh, in three months we can.
Check the lease.
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241. And if you don't undo
all the changes you've made,
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242. we're moving.
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243. Hey, guys,
can I show you some pictures?
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244. Oh, my gosh, she's so cute.
She looks like both of you.
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245. - They're not of Cece.
- Oh, cool.
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246. This is possibly our new
dunder Mifflin office.
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247. Well, I like being
in the same building as Bob.
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248. It keeps me honest.
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249. This building isn't far
and it's much newer.
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250. There's a dry cleaner,
a nail place and a gym.
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251. Oh, and it's next door
to an outback
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252. so it always smells like steak.
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253. Are you trying to kill me?
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254. Is the nail place
Koreans or whites?
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255. Koreans.
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256. Good.
And the dry cleaners?
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257. White?
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258. Good.
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259. Whoa, there's a lot of
brain power in this room.
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260. We got Michael and Oscar, the
two smartest guys in the office.
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261. Also, in that order.
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262. Funny.
Jim, that is funny.
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263. Very comedically humorous, Jim.
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264. I have a computer question.
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265. Hey, Oscar?
What is it?
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266. Can you move aside so that
I can ask Michael?
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267. All right.
All right, I get it.
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268. Michael, how do I create
a new tab?
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269. Try control "p".
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270. That's print.
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271. Not if the printer
isn't hooked up.
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272. You're making some very
dangerous assumptions, Oscar.
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273. Oscar, it must be killing you
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274. now that Michael is smarter
than you.
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275. He's... he's not
smarter than me.
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276. He was just right
about one thing.
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277. Yeah, but it was really
a smart thing
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278. to be right about, actually.
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279. Actually, it was.
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280. Around here Oscar is known
as "actually"
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281. because he will insert himself
into just about
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282. any conversation to add facts
or correct grammar.
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283. Actually, you're speculating.
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284. He really does fit that
old stereotype
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285. of the smug gay Mexican.
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286. "Megan fox. Question mark."
What's that mean?
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287. Meagan fox.
Come on.
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288. You know what?
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289. You're one bad text away
from gettin' blocked.
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290. Yes, but one good text away
from a high five.
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291. You accept these terms?
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292. Oh, it's on.
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293. In your perfect world what
would make this building
Copy !req
294. awesome?
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295. I'm putting together
kind of a wish list.
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296. I wish for a million wishes.
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297. Yeah, no, I'm not a genie.
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298. I'm just talking about...
Then see you later, building.
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299. You can't possibly be serious.
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300. I said see you later, building.
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301. - Hey, Michael.
- Hey.
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302. I was thinking about some of
the stuff you said earlier
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303. about China.
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304. I'd love to talk more about it.
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305. Yeah.
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306. - Maybe over some coffee later?
- Sure.
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307. Do you know what you
just agreed to?
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308. - Just coffee, Jim.
- No, it's not just coffee.
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309. He's trying
to set you up, Michael.
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310. What's gonna happen
is he's gonna try to bring up
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311. whatever you're talking about
in a very casual way.
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312. But secretly he'll be trying
to trip you up.
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313. And when he does,
boom, it's awful.
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314. Haven't you noticed that
I don't bring up
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315. the tour de France around him?
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316. Yes.
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317. And then, he will smugly
pay the check
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318. and make you feel so small.
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319. All right, well, I just need
to learn everything about China.
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320. To be safe I should learn
everything about everything
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321. but I don't have time.
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322. Okay. Okay, I'll just
learn about China
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323. and science and geography
and math and literary.
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324. No politics?
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325. I'm pretty good on politics.
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326. California is bankrupt.
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327. And California, California.
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328. What?
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329. Parlay. My office.
Five minutes.
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330. Parlay?
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331. Pirate code.
He wants to meet.
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332. So everyone here
knows pirate code?
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333. I understand it.
I can't speak it.
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334. Pam, I am not
an unreasonable man.
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335. If you guys stay,
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336. I will stop
watering down the soap.
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337. You've been watering down
the soap?
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338. Why do you even need soap?
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339. Are you that bad
at going to the bathroom?
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340. We want everything back
the way it was.
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341. You don't wanna move.
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342. Moving is one of the most
stressful things
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343. you can do in life.
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344. You'll probably just
take it out on your kid.
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345. Jim will turn to the drink.
The family will fall apart.
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346. And 25 years from now,
Cece will become world famous
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347. for stripping.
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348. That's a sad story.
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349. I have another one.
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350. We move,
the other tenants follow,
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351. the banks takes the building,
takes your farm,
Copy !req
352. takes your car
and beats the crap out of you.
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353. Penniless, you die.
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354. And my daughter, Cece,
dances on your grave
Copy !req
355. fully clothed.
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356. Where is Tibet?
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357. Pass.
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358. - When was China founded?
- Pass.
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359. Two for two.
Keep it up.
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360. Who is mao?
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361. - Life line.
- Damn it, Michael.
Copy !req
362. You are moments away from
the smack down of your life.
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363. If you don't know something,
steer the conversation
Copy !req
364. back to something you do know.
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365. I could talk about boobs.
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366. I bet he knows nothing
about boobs.
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367. What do you know about boobs?
Copy !req
368. Michael, I have to tell you
something.
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369. It's from rocky ii.
Thank you.
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370. This guy doesn't
just wanna win,
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371. you know,
he wants to burry you.
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372. He wants to humiliate you.
Copy !req
373. Wait, wait, wait.
How long is this gonna take?
Copy !req
374. I'm like a quarter
of the way through.
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375. Is it gonna be worth it?
Copy !req
376. No.
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377. Just in case, Michael,
I made you a cheat sheet.
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378. I don't need to cheat.
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379. Show him how to use it.
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380. 10,706.
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381. Here it is right here.
Pull over. Pull over.
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382. Oh, my God.
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383. No way.
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384. Man, look at that.
Yeah.
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385. There's no building.
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386. This can only mean one thing.
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387. - Building's underground.
- She was lying.
Copy !req
388. Oh, Pam, Pam, Pam, Pam,
Pam, Pam, Pam.
Copy !req
389. - Yeah.
- Pam?
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390. - What?
- I'm Pam.
Copy !req
391. - Oh.
- No, you're not.
Copy !req
392. I'm sorry, we have a colleague
with the same name.
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393. Oh, oh, that's funny.
Copy !req
394. You're not a liar too, are you?
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395. I've been known
to bend the truth.
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396. Damn it, Pam.
Get out.
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397. Right now.
Leave it.
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398. I mean it.
Get the hell out of here.
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399. Go!
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400. I can't wait to do to Pam
what I just did to Pam.
Copy !req
401. - Pam?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
402. You know, I'm the only one here
Copy !req
403. that you haven't asked
about the new office.
Copy !req
404. I know. Because you're
the reason we're moving.
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405. Yeah, but I'm still
an employee here,
Copy !req
406. and that part of me
is really excited
Copy !req
407. about the change of scenery.
Copy !req
408. What's the square footage
in the new place?
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409. Uh, I think it's something
like, um...
Copy !req
410. What's the exact
square footage?
Copy !req
411. Um, let me see.
Copy !req
412. How many offices are there?
Copy !req
413. - Oh, I'll just look
at the one-sheet myself.
Copy !req
414. - Uh, actually I don't know
what I did with the one-sheet.
Copy !req
415. You know, that's the problem.
Copy !req
416. You only have one sheet.
Copy !req
417. Oh, you're a funny guy, Pam.
Copy !req
418. What's the first thing
you guys are gonna do
Copy !req
419. when you move in
to the new office?
Copy !req
420. I'm gonna walk down the hall
Copy !req
421. and I'm gonna say, "wow,
I can't believe this is real,
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422. but it is."
Copy !req
423. I can't wait.
Copy !req
424. I lied about
some aspects of the building.
Copy !req
425. It's still on a bike path,
though, right?
Copy !req
426. There's no building.
It doesn't exist.
Copy !req
427. What does that mean?
Copy !req
428. I needed leverage,
Copy !req
429. so I pulled those pictures
off the Internet.
Copy !req
430. It's just this...
this office administrator thing,
Copy !req
431. I don't want to...
Copy !req
432. What?
Copy !req
433. Fail.
Copy !req
434. I don't want to fail.
Again.
Copy !req
435. You didn't fail.
Copy !req
436. That's what you said
about art school
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437. and that's what you said
about sales.
Copy !req
438. And you didn't
fail those things either.
Copy !req
439. Well, I'm not an artist,
Copy !req
440. and I'm not a salesman.
Copy !req
441. So what would you call it?
Copy !req
442. Hey.
Hey, hey, hey.
Copy !req
443. Michael, the reason I asked
you down here for this chat is
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444. I've been thinking
that your fears about China
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445. are a bit exaggerated.
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446. Did you know that China
has a new missile
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447. that can sink
a U.S. naval carrier
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448. 900 miles off the coast?
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449. We have missiles too.
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450. Did you also know that China
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451. has secretly been expanding
its nuclear arsenal?
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452. But what do I know?
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453. I mean, that's just
according to the Pentagon.
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454. Our Pentagon.
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455. I wasn't here.
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456. What?
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457. I wasn't here.
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458. It's a pretty common saying.
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459. You may want to log it away
for future use.
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460. Well, thanks.
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461. Yeah.
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462. China has been loaning us
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463. billions upon
billions of dollars.
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464. We are going to be owing them
for the rest of our lives,
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465. and they will control us.
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466. Actually, we're in
a mild recession right now,
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467. I'll give you that,
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468. but people use China
as the boogeyman
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469. for all their problems.
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470. In the 1980s, it was Japan.
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471. How then do you explain
that in the past year
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472. manufacturing in China
has risen by 17%,
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473. and in the U.S.
It has only risen by 8%?
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474. Do you really think
that manufacturing
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475. is a relevant indicator
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476. of where the world economy's
heading in 2010?
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477. Do you know
the comparative expansion
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478. of, say,
the information sector?
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479. I'd say
that's far more relevant.
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480. Wouldn't you?
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481. Don't...
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482. I...
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483. Hello. Hello.
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484. You're breaking the law.
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485. Impossible.
I love the law.
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486. Read article 19.
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487. There are certain standards
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488. that you have to maintain
the building at
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489. and that includes comfortable
temperatures
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490. and adequate lighting.
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491. It also means no more cutting
the tampons in two
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492. and no more tampering
with the toilet paper.
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493. I see I've underestimated you
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494. and I didn't think
that was possible.
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495. Nate.
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496. Re-ply the paper.
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497. I don't think it goes that way.
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498. - Re-ply it!
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499. Don't worry about the coffee.
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500. It's on me.
Yeah, I figured that.
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501. Michael, I am so happy
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502. that we were able
to have this little chat.
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503. Wait.
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504. You forgetting something?
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505. - What?
- This chat.
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506. Two men.
One white. One Latino.
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507. A boss and a money cruncher.
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508. I could fire you.
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509. Fire him.
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510. No.
Show mercy.
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511. But here we are.
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512. What is your point?
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513. My point is...
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514. That as long as people like
you and me
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515. don't stop talking...
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516. Nobody can stop the U.S.A.
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517. - Yeah, go, girl.
- Right. Yes.
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518. - I am talking about freedom.
- Mm-hmm.
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519. About choice.
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520. America...
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521. I don't think you need
to worry,
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522. because if you want
to be China, you will.
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523. If you don't, that's fine.
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524. That, my friend,
is your victory.
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525. You know, a lot of people say
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526. that if you dig long enough
and hard enough
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527. you will get to China
and that may be true,
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528. but what they don't tell you
is that if you dig
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529. long enough and hard enough
in a conversation,
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530. you get to a friend.
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531. So here is to conversation.
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532. Raise you cups on high.
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533. Case closed.
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534. Yeah!
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535. That wasn't what
we were discu...
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536. that wasn't the whole...
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537. they say the best vampires
don't bleed their victims dry,
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538. but give them the strength
so that they can bounce back
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539. only to be fed on again.
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540. I spared Pam and I might feast
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541. off of her profits
for years to come.
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542. I let Pam win.
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543. I was not motivated
by compassion.
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544. I have no compassion.
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545. Make sure you got that.
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546. "Not motivated by compassion."
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547. Come to parking lot.
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548. Crazy pigeon action.
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549. You're gonna scare them away.
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550. - That's a text.
- Yeah, right?
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551. That's a new standard.
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