The Office 7x1

1. You're falling behind.

2. - Wuphf. - Com. - Ryan, we're doing...

3. This is how you build a business.

4. This is how you make it in this country!

5. - Find opportunities... - You got Creed.

6. And jump in front of them!

7. You make it so hard to love you sometimes.

8. Still behind.

9. I said I didn't want to be on the internet!

10. Go, go, go, go!

11. Hyah! Ha ha!

12. Ha!

13. Dwight!

14. Dwight—no— Are you crazy?

15. Haaah!

16. Toby, how did we do?

17. Well, that was better.

18. Whoo! We did it!

19. Yes!

20. I suppose summer had to end sometime.

21. It's sad, though, because I had a great summer.

22. I got West Nile Virus. Lost a ton of weight.

23. Then I went back to the lake.

24. I stepped on a piece of glass in the parking lot,

25. which hurt.

26. That got infected, even though I peed on it.

27. Saw Inception.

28. Or at least I dreamt I did.

29. Broccoli Rob, obviously,

30. - will be there. - Yes, of course.

31. And J.C. We call him Blorville

32. because he looks like a Black Orville Redenbacher.

33. Who's the guy who invented the peanut?

34. - Hey, guys. - Hey!

35. Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt.

36. Not at all.

37. I'm gonna head back

38. to Siberia there.

39. - Aw. - Ciao.

40. I started dating Erin this summer.

41. It has been, in a word, exquisite.

42. Gabe is awesome.

43. He has accomplished so much career-wise and height-wise.

44. Thank God he's my boss because

45. I would not have said yes to a first date

46. if I didn't have to.

47. But... it's been great.

48. Am I angry that Gabe stole my girlfriend

49. over the summer?

50. No.

51. I've been through anger management, okay?

52. So right now I am sitting on a nice beach at Cape Cod,

53. gazing out across the whitecaps.

54. Oh, look, it's a humpback whale.

55. How pretty.

56. He's eating Gabe.

57. Toby, Boby, Bo, boo-boo-boo. What, no good morning?

58. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought I said good morning.

59. Well, this summer, I finished my murder mystery novel.

60. Self-published it. I sold four copies.

61. I'm also being sued for plagiarism.

62. What?

63. Oh.

64. Oh, well, last night, Jenny came over again.

65. She cooked me dinner,

66. and then we had sex all night long.

67. - Gross. - That's awesome, Kevin.

68. It is.

69. This summer, I decided to become a liar.

70. I just make things up.

71. It's going great.

72. How was my summer?

73. I was on a new diet

74. where I couldn't eat any red meat.

75. I lost two pounds, and I'm angry all the time.

76. This summer I did the minority

77. executive training program at Yale.

78. You guys, I'm, like, really smart now.

79. You don't even know. You could ask me,

80. "Kelly, what's the biggest company in the world?"

81. And I'd be, like, "Blah blah blah,

82. blah blah blah blah blah blah,"

83. giving you the exact right answer.

84. Hey. What are you doing?

85. From now on, if you're hot, sit on an ice pack.

86. Well, what if you're cold?

87. Pbbbt! Like you'd ever be cold, Kevin.

88. Stop asking me hypothetical questions.

89. I'm too busy.

90. Hey, Dwight, I don't know if you heard,

91. but we're supposed to be drinking out of weird backpacks

92. instead of cups, like regular people.

93. Oh, you did hear.

94. Jim, you have one job to do,

95. and you do it forgettably.

96. Those of us who are busy require hands-free hydration.

97. Mm, busy?

98. Is that why the men's bathroom toilet is still broken?

99. Dwight Schrute, star salesman, beet farmer.

100. Bed and breakfast proprietor.

101. Aspiring freelance bodyguard.

102. Add to that list owner of this building.

103. Then burn the list.

104. There's nothing wrong with the toilet, Jim.

105. You forgot to flush.

106. I have no idea what that means.

107. After you use the toilet, you flush it.

108. Okay, you know what?

109. You don't have to throw out all these fancy plumbing terms.

110. I'm just a guy.

111. Dwight and I have agreed to have procreative relations

112. five times before the end of the calendar year.

113. But he's been so busy with this building this summer.

114. We barely have three months left for four more times.

115. I mean, this isn't Woodstock.

116. Coffee monkey's arrived.

117. The coffee was supposed to be here at 9:00.

118. Here you go, big "O."

119. Tiny...

120. Darryl Hannah.

121. It says "decaf." You get me decaf?

122. Ooh, yeah.

123. Must have been some sort of mix-up there.

124. You could just drink it,

125. or should I drive all the way back?

126. Well, summer, I, um,

127. blew out my knee playing softball.

128. Ended up watching CNN most of the time.

129. I don't know how we're gonna get out of Afghanistan.

130. I hate the new assistant.

131. He's only been here for a week, and I hate him.

132. The new guy sucks. Calls me "the nard man."

133. I'm the "nard dog," okay?

134. Nard man is my father.

135. My name is Luke Cooper.

136. I love cinema.

137. My favorite movies are Citizen Kane

138. and The Boondock Saints.

139. Michael, Luke literally has not done anything right

140. - since he got here. - Not true.

141. He's a bad worker and he has a bad attitude.

142. That kid is the worst.

143. Needs to be fired, Michael. If you can't do it, I can.

144. My dad let me fire people during a board meeting once.

145. I don't remember it. Apparently I was, like, four.

146. And whoever I tagged got fired.

147. He's not the worst. Okay? He's not the worst.

148. You know who's the worst?

149. That intern we had a few years ago.

150. That guy—remember?

151. Eehhhhh! That face, how ugly he was?

152. He was the worst. Good worker, though.

153. Mm—aw, it's not cappuccino.

154. - He messed yours up to. - He's got to go, Mike.

155. It's just coffee, guys. Okay?

156. Java junkies.

157. No, it's not just coffee, okay?

158. It's very important.

159. What if the CEO of Nike walked in here,

160. and I couldn't meet with him because I was too tired?

161. I would say, "Just do it."

162. What if the cast of SNL walked in

163. and wanted you to audition, and you were off your game

164. 'cause you hadn't had coffee?

165. I would say, "I will pump them up."

166. See? I came up with that without caffeine.

167. But yeah, I'll look into it, okay?

168. Wow, that's a lot of keys.

169. The bigger the key chain, the more powerful the man.

170. That's right. The janitor said that.

171. By the way, the raccoons are back.

172. Where?

173. I think they run through these panels

174. and then down under the map.

175. I wouldn't know for sure

176. 'cause I don't have a trained ear.

177. That's why I have to use one of these.

178. - Gimme that. - Yep.

179. Wait. And this.

180. - Yes. - Go get 'em.

181. What happened to me this summer?

182. Dwight bought the building, so actually, this has been

183. the busiest summer of my life.

184. Hey, what's so funny over here?

185. Ha, very nice. Give me my keys.

186. Ha... ha!

187. Not... funny... Jim!

188. Sorry.

189. Oh, no. Don't worry about it.

190. I was just gonna put a couple keys on every day

191. until Christmas.

192. Then his pants would have fallen down, which was...

193. A little gift to me, but...

194. It was really funny.

195. Well, it would have been.

196. So unprofessional, Mrs. Halpert.

197. I love you.

198. Luke...

199. Luke!

200. What's up, Venus?

201. Did you send those samples to Justin

202. at Lehigh Motors yesterday?

203. Because he didn't get 'em.

204. Uh, if you asked me to do it, I'm sure I did it.

205. Yeah, strawberries are ripe.

206. Luke.

207. I would like to talk to you privately, please.

208. Sayonara.

209. I found a pizza place that opens at 8:00 a.m.

210. And I was thinking that we could carpool

211. and get some morning 'za.

212. Healthy balanced breakfast. Not.

213. What do you think Nana would say to that?

214. And another thing I did this summer.

215. I hired my nephew.

216. Having Luke here is a pretty big deal for me.

217. Because his mother,

218. who also happens to be my half sister...

219. Kind of cut me off from that side of the family

220. 15 years...

221. 14.

222. The last time I saw Luke

223. was the opening day of Ace Ventura II,

224. and that was '95.

225. So, yes, 15 years on the dot.

226. Anyway, I lost him in a forest.

227. Hey.

228. Hey...

229. Turn off the Chumbawamba and scram, twerp.

230. You don't have to yell.

231. Okay, rude.

232. Luke...

233. - Could you— - Hey, sorry.

234. - Yeah. - Vampire Weekend.

235. Ooh, spooky.

236. Luke, I want you to go to the supermarket for me.

237. What for?

238. To get some ice cream for everybody.

239. It's National Ice Cream Afternoon.

240. Sort of a local tradition here.

241. So why don't you just get?

242. Get out there and pick us up some ice cream.

243. Great.

244. Everybody, conference room right now.

245. Not to pat myself on the back, but thanks to me,

246. this is a very comfortable work environment,

247. a place in which people feel

248. that they can say anything they want to one another

249. without any repercussions.

250. "Hey, you know what? You're an idiot."

251. "Oh, yeah? Well, you're ugly."

252. "Well, I'm gay."Well, so am I."

253. "Michael rules."He's the best."

254. Whatever you want to say, without any sort of fear.

255. But now that my nephew is here,

256. I need to make sure that everyone

257. is no longer comfortable at all.

258. Don't bother Luke.

259. Why is there a circle with a line through it?

260. That means don't.

261. Haven't you seen Ghostbusters, Pam?

262. Yeah, but it's like you're saying we should bother Luke.

263. No, it...

264. Yes, okay. Right.

265. All right, yep. My bad.

266. I got it.

267. Here we go.

268. Don't don't bother Luke.

269. Got it.

270. Come on. Okay. Um...

271. That's as clear as I can make it.

272. Hey, why can't we bother Luke?

273. He deserves it.

274. Because I don't want it getting back to Sabre

275. that we're yelling at assistants.

276. I think it would reflect poorly on us.

277. Who's gonna tell on us? Gabe?

278. That'd be hilarious.

279. Uh, "Jo, they're creating a hostile work environment.

280. Stop 'em."

281. Nope, it won't be Gabe,

282. but actually, there is somebody in the office

283. who is very, very close to Luke.

284. How close?

285. Well, Dwight, he wiped his butt.

286. Is that close enough for you?

287. Yes. Of course.

288. Guys, I think Michael and Luke are related.

289. No.

290. No, Toby. He's not.

291. Yes, he is.

292. He's my nephew.

293. - What? - Ohh!

294. Luke is my nephew.

295. Nicely done, Toby. Sherlock Toby.

296. Ah, thanks. Got a mind for mysteries.

297. I might buy that book of yours.

298. Legally, it's best if you don't buy it.

299. It could ruin me.

300. Put me down for a million copies.

301. Michael, that's nepotism.

302. Luke is getting special treatment

303. because he's your nephew.

304. Yes, exactly.

305. That is a very nice way of putting it, Oscar.

306. Mixing family and business is a beautiful thing.

307. You know what comes to mind?

308. Sanford and Son.

309. Stanley, you like Sanford and Son, right?

310. It's not Sanford and Stranger. It's Sanford and Son.

311. And they worked in a junkyard, and they were best friends.

312. And they worked well together.

313. That was a failing business, and they fought all the time.

314. What's wrong with a level playing field?

315. Do think they should have had open auditions

316. for the band Hanson?

317. What if no one named Hanson showed up?

318. That wouldn't even make sense.

319. Or what if they just hired the littlest kid

320. and a 50-year-old guy who was a murderer?

321. Really safe.

322. Oh, man, so many points being made.

323. I couldn't care less about nepotism,

324. but I'm loving the debate.

325. Great minds battling it out.

326. And I've got a front-row seat.

327. God, when he needed help on Earth,

328. who did he hire? Jesus Christ, his son.

329. That's a really tight argument.

330. - Thank you. - Yeah.

331. But you're comparing you and Luke to God and Jesus.

332. No! No.

333. I'm just saying, why does God

334. get to do something that I don't?

335. Michael, you worked very hard to get where you are.

336. I can't believe you would support

337. this kind of favoritism.

338. Pam, imagine for a second that you're my daughter,

339. and I am the CEO of the world's biggest toy company,

340. Scott's Games and Fun.

341. We make funny putty.

342. We make magic marbles.

343. - We make Connectables. - What are Connectables.

344. They're my knockoff LEGOs. Almost as good, half the price.

345. So I die.

346. I fall into the Slime-inator, and I'm dead,

347. and I give the company to you.

348. Now, do you turn it down?

349. If I'm unqualified, yes.

350. But you're qualified!

351. You have a marvelous mind for toys.

352. This is hypothetical.

353. We're talking about Luke, who happens to be terrible.

354. Well, then, why aren't you bugging me

355. to fire everybody who's bad?

356. You just want me to fire Luke.

357. That's reverse nepotism.

358. He should not be punished because he is related to me

359. and bad at what he does!

360. I would just like to say something

361. off of what Darryl said about the level playing field.

362. That is actually a zoning issue.

363. So thank you.

364. If there's nothing wrong with this, Michael,

365. why have you been keeping it a secret?

366. Because I wanted you to come to me and say,

367. "Wow, he is so great."

368. And I was gonna say, "Well, it's in the genes."

369. And I was actually gonna be wearing jeans.

370. And I'd point to them— Right? No.

371. But you ruined it.

372. So... thank you very much.

373. Here he comes. Guys, look.

374. I don't want you to treat him

375. like anyone else in the office.

376. I just want you to treat him like my nephew.

377. Hey, there he is!

378. Hey! Ice cream afternoon!

379. - Whoo whoo whoo! - Whoo!

380. Wait...

381. Soy ice cream?

382. Did you get real ice cream?

383. Or enough for everyone?

384. No, man. There was no list.

385. Uh... but I got bagel chips.

386. Ah, my favorite part of an ice cream party.

387. The bagel chips.

388. Clutch cream run, bro.

389. Mmm, soy ice cream.

390. - Marni Cooper. - Hey.

391. I am so psyched you approved my friend request.

392. Oh, we have Nana in common.

393. She posts constantly, right?

394. Not on my wall.

395. No, actually, I take that back.

396. One time she posted that she thought

397. her Haitian caregiver was stealing from her purse.

398. Nana is such a racist!

399. Oh!

400. Hey, how's Luke doing?

401. - Oh, best nephew ever. - Isn't he?

402. He really—he changes

403. the whole demeanor of the office.

404. Aww.

405. It's really such a joy having him here.

406. - He's really a joy. - Aww, good.

407. I just wanted to ask you a parenting question.

408. A parenting question?

409. How do you deal with his...

410. What? How do I deal with what, Michael?

411. - What? - No, no, it's—he's great.

412. He's fantastic. It's just—

413. You know when he has—

414. He does this little attitude thing?

415. What attitude?

416. No, not at—

417. Not attitude in a negative way.

418. I'm talking like P! nk.

419. You know how P! nk has an attitude?

420. Or when a fashion photographer says, "Give me more attitude."

421. That's what I'm talking about.

422. - Oh. Oh, good. - He's great.

423. He has a big—he just has a lot of attitude.

424. It's great.

425. Okay. All right.

426. Well, I'm glad it's working out.

427. It's great. He is such a joy

428. and a pleasure.

429. And a real gem.

430. Okay, great.

431. Well, you're the best, Michael.

432. Well, thank you.

433. That is awfully nice of you to say.

434. And I just posted something on your wall.

435. "Thanks for saying I'm the best.

436. Love, your brother, Michael."

437. There it is.

438. Give Luke a hug for me.

439. I'll give him a hug and a kiss.

440. - Just a hug. Just— - All right.

441. Get whatever you want. On me.

442. You really think you can make it up to me with food?

443. I don't know. That usually works.

444. Well, not this time.

445. Because I was being nice earlier,

446. but that was the best prank I was ever gonna pull.

447. I know. It was pretty elegant.

448. - Yeah. - I apologize.

449. I do not accept.

450. Wow.

451. Jim, are we ever gonna get past this?

452. I don't know, Pam.

453. I mean, what is this, right?

454. We have a beautiful marriage. We have a beautiful child.

455. Sometimes we have some laughs when we cook,

456. or maybe we eat Chinese takeout together and watch movies.

457. We live together and we love together,

458. and yeah, we take the occasional vacation,

459. but really, is that enough to build a life on?

460. I don't know. I don't know. That's a lot to think about.

461. If you get the Swedish Fish, can I have half?

462. Thank you. Thank you.

463. I feel horrible for blowing Jim's prank.

464. I don't know if you can tell, but he's mildly upset.

465. And Dwight hasn't been messed with in a while,

466. so he's become a monster.

467. I need to make this right.

468. I came down here to feed the feral cats

469. like I usually do,

470. and I found something unsavory

471. in the back of your nephew's car.

472. Okay, you know what?

473. Just—just back off.

474. Back off!

475. Well, take a look.

476. It's all the packages he was supposed to overnight.

477. He never bothered to send them.

478. All right, those might be his.

479. He might own an eBay store.

480. Yep. That's exactly what my first thought was.

481. And then I remembered having a conversation with him

482. where he was like, "I don't own an eBay store."

483. - So... - Okay, okay.

484. You know what? This is disgusting.

485. This is like a witch hunt.

486. This is like The Blair Witch Hunt Project.

487. Oh, sure, those are the expense reports

488. that corporate was waiting for yesterday.

489. Let's just make this kid open this damn car.

490. Oh, my gosh, those are the pants

491. you wanted to return to Talbots.

492. I'm reconsidering sending them back anyway.

493. You get that kid to open this car,

494. or I'm gonna do it myself...

495. By calling AAA.

496. - Wait a minute. - I'm in!

497. Don't—all right.

498. Well, okay.

499. You've just committed a felony.

500. Yep, here they are.

501. Yep, I just lost a client

502. 'cause I swore I sent these samples on time.

503. This kid's costing us sales, Michael.

504. I'm sorry, do you want to try them on again to see—

505. No, I know they fit.

506. It's not about the fit.

507. Why is this my problem, Michael?

508. Because Gabe tattled.

509. I was perfectly happy

510. to just hide it from you.

511. Those overnight packages needed to go out,

512. and Michael refuses to hold the guilty party accountable.

513. Lower yourself, Gabe.

514. I don't wanna be having a conversation with your crotch.

515. Okay, now educate me why you won't fire the boy.

516. You don't have all the facts.

517. - Which are? - I love him.

518. Oh, God.

519. How far has it gone?

520. No. No.

521. He's my nephew.

522. Well, I got a nephew too.

523. But he don't work for me.

524. You know why?

525. 'Cause he's a screw-up.

526. He can swim in my pool, but he can't come in my house.

527. Well, this office is my pool.

528. And my house is my house.

529. And I just want my nephew to work

530. in my pool.

531. If you keep him, Michael,

532. I'm gonna hold you accountable for him.

533. You're on the hook for this kid.

534. - You got that? - Mm-hmm.

535. Cover his ass like tighty-whities.

536. I will cover his ass like moss on a Mississippi tree stump.

537. Was how I put it not clear enough?

538. I mean, you had to go and make up your own saying?

539. Deal with it, boys.

540. - You can move. - Okay.

541. There he is.

542. Whatcha cooking in there? You know what we call this?

543. Paper oven.

544. Any tasty treats coming out of the paper oven?

545. Yeah, just doing these invoices.

546. Invoices. Good work. Ahh!

547. You know what? Those need to be double-sided.

548. Yeah, I was trying to find the button to do that, but...

549. Well, maybe you could just staple 'em together

550. or—you don't have to.

551. Just make someone else do it.

552. Okay? You know what? You know what?

553. We're gonna do this together.

554. And first, I might as well walk you through it.

555. Here we go. So first, press menu.

556. Actually, think of it as being in a restaurant.

557. Press menu.

558. I will have a side of function.

559. Maybe with a little bit of option.

560. And then press four.

561. And here we go.

562. Hey, what's up, man?

563. Here we go.

564. Good.

565. Perfect.

566. Luke and I have been working side by side

567. as master and commander.

568. Me as master, he as commander.

569. Occasionally he'll need a little push,

570. and I will do that, and he'll slow down,

571. and then I'll push him again.

572. That's the thing with kids. You have to keep pushing.

573. You have to push them until they push you back.

574. And then you push some more.

575. It's all about give and take,

576. but mostly it's about pushing each other.

577. When your husband has lost his faith in you,

578. how do you restore it?

579. How do you show him

580. that your marriage is still fun and exciting?

581. By making him a special video.

582. Not that kind of video.

583. Oh, yeah.

584. This will be easy.

585. So just, like, rearrange the buttons and stuff.

586. Yeah, yeah.

587. Like when he presses "door closed,"

588. the doors open.

589. Or he presses "lobby," it goes to third floor.

590. Stuff like that. Can you do that?

591. Yeah. Let me take a look at the circus board.

592. Dwight is about to get so Pammed.

593. How did you learn how to do this?

594. Before this job, I worked as an elevator repairman.

595. I specialized in the buttons.

596. I've never worked as an elevator repairman.

597. That's another lie.

598. It's become a tangled web.

599. I'm a bit worried I'm losing myself.

600. Hey, did you SMS text message me?

601. I just came from the museum,

602. where I saw an exhibit on rare coins.

603. Yeah, I wanted to show you something in the lobby.

604. Uh, come on.

605. - Okay, that's weird. - Hmm.

606. Just hitting "door closed." What?

607. - There we go. - Well...

608. - Good. - Is this elevator going up?

609. Hmm?

610. Hey... the elevator is disobeying us!

611. Ohh-kay. Okay.

612. We are stuck. We are stuck.

613. - Um... - Hank! Hank!

614. Can you hear us?

615. Oh, my God. Okay.

616. Emergency protocol.

617. - Oh... - Just calm down.

618. Pam, try and pry open those front doors, immediately.

619. - I don't— - Use your talons!

620. Pry 'em open!

621. Okay, Dwi— Oh, my God!

622. Well, don't look, freak!

623. Dwight, what are you doing?

624. Well...

625. We've only been in here for, like, two seconds!

626. I got 56 ounces of fluid in my bladder!

627. And we have to establish a pee corner.

628. You've gotta be kidding me.

629. Luke, is going to use his laser pointer

630. to point to account setup.

631. You click on that first,

632. then a whole new— Not—no, no, no.

633. Luke, come on. Come on.

634. Not on Oscar's head.

635. - Tsh. - All right.

636. Luke, come on.

637. - Stop it. - What? I'm stopping it.

638. That's what you said.

639. Give me the pointer.

640. So you just want me to move it.

641. You're being totally unclear here.

642. I'm just gonna go ahead and move it.

643. No, just power it down. No, no, no, no, no.

644. Not on Angela's boob. Come on. Come on.

645. - Luke, seriously. - All right, fine, fine.

646. - I'll just go. - Okay.

647. - I'm gone. - All right. Okay.

648. Good job.

649. Okay, email accounts.

650. So we're starting with account setup.

651. Oh, my God, is it in my eyeball?

652. - Yes. - I think he's burning my eye.

653. Michael, do something.

654. - Sack up, man. - You have to stop this.

655. - Luke, can I have that? - No.

656. Okay, I am going to count down from five.

657. Five.

658. Four.

659. I'm not kidding.

660. Three.

661. - Two. One. - Give—okay.

662. - All right, give it up. - No!

663. You... are going to learn to be more professional, Luke!

664. What the—

665. That's what you're going to do, Luke!

666. Aah! What the hell was that?

667. I had to do that.

668. Hey, this!

669. - Screw it! - All right. Are we good?

670. You're okay.

671. He's okay.

672. There are many different schools of thought

673. on capital punishment.

674. That was awesome.

675. Texas justice.

676. Yeah, your nephew is so lame.

677. He's been trashing us relentlessly on Twitter.

678. Yeah, it's funny stuff, but mean.

679. You follow him on Twitter?

680. Everywhere I look, it's Betty White this

681. and Betty White that.

682. Finally, a kid who's not talking about Betty White.

683. Of course I follow him.

684. Michael...

685. You just physically assaulted an employee.

686. Can we talk in private?

687. Yes, of course.

688. What is this in reference to?

689. Pam?

690. Oh, hey, Jim.

691. Some prankster switched the elevator buttons on Dwight.

692. I did not do this.

693. I know.

694. Yeah, and it was going really great at first.

695. I got video.

696. This is impressive.

697. Well, you know... They don't call me

698. the Bart Simpson of Scranton for nothing.

699. - Do they call you that? - They do call me that.

700. Come on, give me your hand.

701. - I'll help you down. - Nope.

702. Scared of getting cut in half.

703. Also, there's pee on the floor.

704. Oh! Course there is.

705. Hey, Chinese tonight?

706. - Yeah. - All right.

707. How ya doin'?

708. Pretty good.

709. You must be almost out of water.

710. Stop drinking the water!

711. Stop!

712. Please, I'm begging you to stop drinking it.

713. See you guys in a bit.

714. Yeah.

715. - Oh! - You...

716. No, no, no, no. It's the other hand, right hand.

717. - Right hand? - Yeah.

718. Would have been nice to work with my family.

719. It would have been nice

720. if Luke had been able to stay here.

721. But he couldn't.

722. These things seldom work out.

723. I don't know how Ringling Brothers do it.

724. Night after night, town after town,

725. all across America.

726. You would think they'd be sick of each other by now.

727. But, clearly,

728. they make it work.

729. And my hat's off to them.

730. - Argh! - Whoa! Whoa! Hey. Whoa.

731. - You— - Hey...

732. - Dwight... - Dwight...

733. Argh!

734. Legal says the best way to protect us from a lawsuit

735. is to call this a stress-induced outburst.

736. Mm-hmm.

737. You will have to undergo six sessions of counseling.

738. That's it? Really?

739. That's nothing. All right.

740. That's highway robbery. Good.

741. - Well, that's the spirit. - I can do that.

742. And, uh, you will do your counseling right here,

743. because our HR staff are all certified counselors.

744. Okay.

745. Wait, what?

746. Yeah, I'm really looking forward

747. to working with you, Michael.

748. Is there another option?

749. The alternative is termination.

750. Michael...