1. Hello, Dunder Mifflin.Copy !req
2. No, no, no. No.Copy !req
3. I believe that every
man, woman, and child
in this countryCopy !req
4. should learn how
to speak Spanish.Copy !req
5. They are our neighbors
to the south, and this
would be a healing thingCopy !req
6. for all of North America.Copy !req
7. And I am going
on vacation next
week to Cancún.Copy !req
8. I don't understand
why Michael is wasting
his time with Spanish.Copy !req
9. I have it on very
good authority that
within 20 years,Copy !req
10. everyone will be
speaking German.Copy !req
11. Or a Chinese-German hybrid.Copy !req
12. Michael's having
a hard time with the
gender part of Spanish.Copy !req
13. So, I told him
to mark everythingCopy !req
14. with the international
symbol for gender.Copy !req
15. And . . .Copy !req
16. I should have been
more specific.Copy !req
17. Your office is full
of genitalia.Copy !req
18. "That's what he says"?Copy !req
19. Damn it.
(KNOCK AT DOOR)Copy !req
20. Ah, Angelo!Copy !req
21. Angela.Copy !req
22. Michael.
(SPEAKlNG SPANlSH)Copy !req
23. All right, so I'll finish up
on bulk pricing and then you
go into delivery guarantees.Copy !req
24. You know, maybe
there's an opportunity
for a joke there, like . . .Copy !req
25. Like, "l just
delivered a baby.Copy !req
26. "They didn't offer
me a guarantee."Copy !req
27. Yeah. Maybe we don't
even need that.Copy !req
28. Can you smell the power?
Halperts, power couple.Copy !req
29. You know what?
I should be getting
this client, Michael.Copy !req
30. My numbers are better
than either of theirs.Copy !req
31. I went with the people
I thought would put the
best face on the company.Copy !req
32. if you want people
to put the best face
on something,Copy !req
33. why would you
get two peopleCopy !req
34. who probably have
never cut the face off
of anything in their lives?Copy !req
35. It's a good point.Copy !req
36. This is our first
joint sales pitch.Copy !req
37. I think we're gonna work
really well together.Copy !req
38. Yeah. I think we have
complementary strengths.Copy !req
39. We understand
each other.Copy !req
40. We have good
give and take.Copy !req
41. I give, he takes!Copy !req
42. I don't even know
who you are anymore.Copy !req
43. Hi. Donna Newton.
Here to see Michael Scott.Copy !req
44. Hey, Miss Newton. Hi.
I'm Jim. How are you?Copy !req
45. Did somebody order
a hooker over here?Copy !req
46. Stop that. Hi.Copy !req
47. Hi. How are you?Copy !req
48. There's this woman
I met a few weeks ago.Copy !req
49. Her name is Donna.
Manager of a Sid
and Dexter's.Copy !req
50. And right now,
we're in the midst of
a passionate love affair.Copy !req
51. No, but she is coming
by today, maybe to buy
some printers, so . . .Copy !req
52. Right here, we have
the wonder twins,
Jim and Pam Halpert.Copy !req
53. They will be
assisting you today.Copy !req
54. You look exactly alike.Copy !req
55. No, we're
actually married.Copy !req
56. We're not
brother and sister.Copy !req
57. I have a sense
about these things.
All right.Copy !req
58. You have some ancestors
in common somewhere back.Copy !req
59. I knew it.
You should see
their baby.Copy !req
60. So, yes, laser printers
are more expensive, but
they cost less to operate,Copy !req
61. so it's a trade-off.Copy !req
62. (KNOCKlNG AT DOOR)
Hi. Sorry to interrupt.Copy !req
63. Little time sensitive.
Do you, Donna,
by any chanceCopy !req
64. shop at Victoria's Secret?
What?Copy !req
65. Because I keep
getting these magazines
sent to meCopy !req
66. via the address of the woman
who used to live in my condo
before me.Copy !req
67. None of this
is time sensitive.Copy !req
68. Yes, the sale's on
now through May.Copy !req
69. Oh, yeah, thank you.Copy !req
70. Okay. I have more of them.Copy !req
71. You would have weekly
conference calls with
executives in corporate,Copy !req
72. a two week training
program at the Yale
School of Management.Copy !req
73. Obviously you would be
high on the list for
advancement opportunities.Copy !req
74. Sounds all right.Copy !req
75. What is this?Copy !req
76. This is Print
In All Colors,Copy !req
77. Sabre's minority
executive training program.Copy !req
78. (SCOFFS) It doesn't
just sound "aite,"
it sounds amazing.Copy !req
79. I didn't say "aite."Copy !req
80. How do I apply?Copy !req
81. You have to be a minority.Copy !req
82. Glasses wearers,
cholera survivors,Copy !req
83. geniuses,
non-organic family farmers.
The list goes on and on.Copy !req
84. You want me to keep going?
Those don't really count.Copy !req
85. We're thinking more ethnic
and racial minorities.Copy !req
86. Come here. Come here.Copy !req
87. Ten seconds ago
this guy was driving
a forklift, okay?Copy !req
88. Now, all of a sudden,
he's Cinderella of the office?
What are you guys thinking?Copy !req
89. I like the sound of this.Copy !req
90. Maybe one day
I'll be sitting
in Michael's chair.Copy !req
91. Wouldn't that be something?Copy !req
92. One minority
from this branch is going
to get into this program.Copy !req
93. Who would I prefer? Hmm.Copy !req
94. The competent hardworking one
who does things his own way,Copy !req
95. or the malleable simpleton
who can be bought for
a few fashion magazines?Copy !req
96. This is the second time
that you've sent me
the wrong size.Copy !req
97. I mean, I know what
a four should feel like.Copy !req
98. I've been a four
my whole life.Copy !req
99. You know what?
You can go to hell, all right?
Thanks for nothing.Copy !req
100. Oh, man.
White people, right?Copy !req
101. I don't know
if she was white.Copy !req
102. Well, you can kind of
tell from their voice.Copy !req
103. Yeah.Copy !req
104. I bet you get pulled over
by the cops a lot just
because of your race.Copy !req
105. Well, they say
it's because of texting,
but maybe you're right.Copy !req
106. I think you should consider
applying for the executive
minority training program.Copy !req
107. I never thought of myself
as an executive before.Copy !req
108. I know, 'cause you
have no role models.Copy !req
109. How many lndian CEOs
can you think of?Copy !req
110. I can't think of
any CEOs, any race.Copy !req
111. You could be
the lndian Bill Gates.Copy !req
112. You could be
the lndian Ted Turner.Copy !req
113. I could be
the lndian Julia Roberts.Copy !req
114. That's not . . . She's . . .
Okay. Yes.Copy !req
115. I took the liberty to scan
a few things earlier,
and I want to show you . . .Copy !req
116. There we go!
Look at those vivid colors.
Look at my eyes.Copy !req
117. Those are
Shrek-green eyes.Copy !req
118. That is me again.
I think this displays
the crisp, dazzling white.Copy !req
119. And that would
be a displayCopy !req
120. of the crisp,
gorgeous black.Copy !req
121. Yeah.Copy !req
122. It's subtle.
It's how it works.Copy !req
123. I show her an image
that turns her on,Copy !req
124. and then she looks at me,
then she looks at the image,Copy !req
125. then back at me,
then back at the image.Copy !req
126. Soon she doesn't
know what is me,
what is the image,Copy !req
127. she just knows
that she's turned on.Copy !req
128. This is a place that
I like to go to be
alone with my thoughts.Copy !req
129. I've never taken
anybody there before.Copy !req
130. Who took the photo?
Ryan.Copy !req
131. Oh.Copy !req
132. And that's it.Copy !req
133. That's me.
That's who I am.Copy !req
134. Not bad.Copy !req
135. Oh, thanks.Copy !req
136. You're not bad, either.Copy !req
137. Thank you.Copy !req
138. Oh, my God.Copy !req
139. Jim, could you come
in here for a sec?Copy !req
140. What was that printer
we were looking at?Copy !req
141. You didn't see it, Pam.Copy !req
142. She was giving me all
sorts of signals that she
wanted me to make a move.Copy !req
143. Shortbread?
No.Copy !req
144. I'll have one.Copy !req
145. Well, maybe
you shouldn't try
to kiss people at work.Copy !req
146. Oh, really, Jim?
What about Pam?Copy !req
147. And you did a heck
of a lot more than kiss.Copy !req
148. Maybe this could
be my Pam.Copy !req
149. Okay, well,
all that is irrelevant . . .Copy !req
150. Maybe Michael
has a point.Copy !req
151. I mean,
if she was really that upset,
she wouldn't still be here.Copy !req
152. Was it professional? No.Copy !req
153. But I work
in the nightlife industry.
I get hit on all the time.Copy !req
154. In my 20s,
it would've been annoying.Copy !req
155. In my late 20s,
I find it really flattering.Copy !req
156. Look, I know that
I screwed up in there.Copy !req
157. I know that I probably
messed up your sale.Copy !req
158. I just want to go
in and fix it.Copy !req
159. What if I back out
and you finish
the pitch with Jim?Copy !req
160. What?Copy !req
161. What was that?
Just let him flirt with her.Copy !req
162. People meet each
other all sorts of ways.Copy !req
163. Pam, you know he's not
gonna get anywhere and
he's gonna blow our sale.Copy !req
164. Who cares?
It's not that huge a sale.Copy !req
165. Hey, the Schwab guy
told us to treat every sale
like it was a huge sale.Copy !req
166. Don't act like you understood
anything that guy said.Copy !req
167. Good luck, wingman.Copy !req
168. How has being
a minority affected you?Copy !req
169. Well, there's
a lot of pressure
from my parentsCopy !req
170. to settle down
and marry an lndian guy.Copy !req
171. Oh, good. And you
resent this because . . .Copy !req
172. lndian guys always wear
their cell phones outside
their pants. It's so dorky.Copy !req
173. No, no, no. That's not dorky.
Look, it's easily accessible.
Boom. Like this.Copy !req
174. 911, hello.
Scranton Strangler's
in the house.Copy !req
175. lnside the house!Copy !req
176. Just put it
in your pocket.Copy !req
177. Look at that.
She's totally
flirting with him.Copy !req
178. You don't know that.
Some people can't
help oozing sexuality.Copy !req
179. You ever notice
you can only ooze
two things?Copy !req
180. Sexuality and pus.
Man, I tell you.Copy !req
181. She just crossed
her arms together.
That's bad.Copy !req
182. Maybe she's just pushing
her breasts together
to make them look bigger.Copy !req
183. Like that?Copy !req
184. Is this the best
you can do right now?Copy !req
185. For that printer, yes.Copy !req
186. Unfortunately
we don't have
a lot of flexibility.Copy !req
187. Oh. Well, I guess
I'm just used to the
restaurant business where,Copy !req
188. if you're in charge
then you can always
get discountsCopy !req
189. for the people
that you like.Copy !req
190. Yeah.Copy !req
191. Maybe we can find
a little wiggle room, right?Copy !req
192. What's that?Copy !req
193. Maybe we can find
some wiggle room.
(SlGHlNG)Copy !req
194. I don't . . .
I don't think so.Copy !req
195. I think we could.Copy !req
196. I don't see how we could
possibly sell these for that
little without losing money.Copy !req
197. Delivery alone will cost . . .Copy !req
198. Okay, well, sometimes,Copy !req
199. sometimes it makes financial
sense to lose money, right?
Like, for tax purposes.Copy !req
200. Actually, I ran
the numbers on this,
and in this case,Copy !req
201. it makes more financial
sense to gain money.Copy !req
202. Why don't you
run them again?Copy !req
203. What if she's just
flirting with you
to get a better price?Copy !req
204. if she is,
it's working.Copy !req
205. Yeah, Michael, here's a trick.
Ask her if she wants a mint.Copy !req
206. if she says no,
then she is not
interested.Copy !req
207. She does not like him.Copy !req
208. You can flirt with someone
to get what you want and
also be attracted to them.Copy !req
209. How do you think
we got together?Copy !req
210. 'Cause I stopped
by your desk, like,
15 times a day.Copy !req
211. I was after your money.Copy !req
212. Well, the joke was on you.Copy !req
213. Yes, it was.Copy !req
214. Can you stop
micromanaging?Copy !req
215. I know how to do this.
You're yelling . . .
Okay. Okay.Copy !req
216. What are you guys doing?Copy !req
217. This girl was really rude
to me at the mall,Copy !req
218. so I created a fake lM
account from a hot guy
at her high school,Copy !req
219. and now I'm trying
to make her anorexic.Copy !req
220. Tell her everyone
in homeroom
thinks she's fat.Copy !req
221. That is so good.Copy !req
222. You know, we really
should keep practicing
for this interview.Copy !req
223. Oh, that's okay.
Ryan coached me.Copy !req
224. Ryan? What does he know?Copy !req
225. It's easy. You just
turn every question
around on them.Copy !req
226. Do you think you're
treated differently
because of your race?Copy !req
227. Would you ask
that same question
if I was white?Copy !req
228. We're so in.
We?Copy !req
229. When I become executive,
I'm gonna make Ryan manager.Copy !req
230. And then the two of us
are cleaning house.Copy !req
231. Kelly will be
even worse than Darryl.Copy !req
232. if you'd have told
me this morningCopy !req
233. that today I'd be creating
a monster capable
of my own destruction,Copy !req
234. I'd have thought you were
referring to the bull Mose
and I are trying to reanimate.Copy !req
235. "So, corporate approval
of this contract is contingent
upon buyer and sellerCopy !req
236. "obtaining . . ."
Blah-de-blah-de-blah.Copy !req
237. "Boilerplate,
pound of fish."
Just kidding.Copy !req
238. Do you like mints?
Yes.Copy !req
239. I carry mints
with me sometimes.Copy !req
240. Oh, I haven't
tried those.Copy !req
241. Ever tried those?
No.Copy !req
242. They're good.Copy !req
243. You want one?Copy !req
244. Sure.
It's like . . .Copy !req
245. "Cool . . . Certified cool."
I like how they
say "certified."Copy !req
246. Like there's some
consortium of . . .Copy !req
247. Michael!Copy !req
248. I'm sorry.Copy !req
249. I can't stop myself
from kissing her.Copy !req
250. Yeah. Now you know
how I feel sitting next
to those M&M's all day.Copy !req
251. Well, why don't you
just move the M&M's?Copy !req
252. Why don't you shut up?Copy !req
253. Okay. Guys, guys, guys,
just tell me it's not totally
insane to try one more time.Copy !req
254. It is totally insane.Copy !req
255. Michael, he's right.
You are turning
into a stalker.Copy !req
256. (SlGHlNG) Okay.
What do you think?Copy !req
257. I think it's over, man.Copy !req
258. Andy?Copy !req
259. Okay, some for,
some against.Copy !req
260. Nobody's for.Copy !req
261. Pam.
Hmm?Copy !req
262. What do you think?Copy !req
263. I think it's really,
really unlikely.Copy !req
264. Okay.Copy !req
265. Really unlikely.Copy !req
266. But I can't say
that it's impossible.Copy !req
267. What?Copy !req
268. I'm not saying
she's in love with him,Copy !req
269. but she could have
left a while ago.Copy !req
270. Most printer sales
are done over the phone,
Miss Boob Shirt.Copy !req
271. I'm going
with Pam's group.Copy !req
272. Wait. Michael.Copy !req
273. Okay.
Michael. Michael.Copy !req
274. No. Guys, guys, guys, guys,
just thank you for talking.Copy !req
275. Wish me luck.
No.Copy !req
276. What sort of movie
would Rudy have been
if he had just stoppedCopy !req
277. and given up
after two rejections?Copy !req
278. Would have been a lot shorter,
probably been a lot funnier,Copy !req
279. but it would have
ultimately been
a disappointment.Copy !req
280. I still would have seen it,
but that's not the point.Copy !req
281. Kelly is disqualified.
What?Copy !req
282. You said the program
is not open to Caucasians.Copy !req
283. Well, anthropologically,
she is lndian.Copy !req
284. lndians migrated
from the Caucasus
region of Europe.Copy !req
285. Therefore, technically,
she is Caucasian.
You're welcome, America.Copy !req
286. Yeah, but she's
not white, though.Copy !req
287. Well, obviously
she's brownish,Copy !req
288. but come on.
I mean, Darryl is
far more ethnic.Copy !req
289. Darryl withdrew
his application.Copy !req
290. The dates of the Yale program
interfered with his softball
league, so he's gone.Copy !req
291. I got my whole life
to be a minority executive.Copy !req
292. I only have about
a year left in
these knees, though.Copy !req
293. So Kelly is
the only applicant.Copy !req
294. Yeah, unless somebody
else applies today.Copy !req
295. Oh, dear God. Okay.Copy !req
296. Don't make any
decisions just yet. Okay?
I'll be right back.Copy !req
297. Hello.Copy !req
298. That's very nice.
I never noticed
that before.Copy !req
299. Sometimes my bangs cover it.Copy !req
300. Yeah. I don't want
to be offensive, but may
I ask you what that means?Copy !req
301. I do find that offensive,
actually.Copy !req
302. We should have
your contract done
by Thursday.Copy !req
303. Oh, great! Great.
I will look out
for that stuff, then.Copy !req
304. Okay.
And . . .Copy !req
305. You know, I just wanted to say
it was really, really nice
to do business with you.Copy !req
306. Yeah. It was nice
to do business
with you, too.Copy !req
307. Thank you.Copy !req
308. Did I get everything?Copy !req
309. I don't know.Copy !req
310. I think so.Copy !req
311. Yeah, I think so.Copy !req
312. Okay.Copy !req
313. So . . . Oh! Donna?
Yeah.Copy !req
314. Do you need validation?
We don't validate.Copy !req
315. No. It's just
in the lot, so . . .Copy !req
316. Thank you so much.Copy !req
317. You're welcome.
You're welcome.Copy !req
318. Mmm.Copy !req
319. Bye.Copy !req
320. (CLEARlNG THROAT)
So, if you have . . .Copy !req
321. if there's any
other questions
that you have . . .Copy !req
322. I don't have any
other questions.Copy !req
323. I'm just gonna make
my way down to . . .Copy !req
324. Okay.
All right. Bye.Copy !req
325. Bye-bye.Copy !req
326. Have a good elevator ride.Copy !req
327. Okay.Copy !req
328. What's that out there?Copy !req
329. Michael,
how did it go?Copy !req
330. How would one of you feel
if I told you I could
put you on a fast trackCopy !req
331. to an executive position
at this company?Copy !req
332. Holy cow.
I'd be so happy.Copy !req
333. I wasn't talking to you,
pale face.Copy !req
334. I know. I meant
I'd be happy for them.Copy !req
335. What I'm offering is a ticket
on a bullet train straight
to middle management.Copy !req
336. Dwight, I know
these programs.Copy !req
337. Every color is important,
because together
we make a rainbow.Copy !req
338. Yes.Copy !req
339. I'll slap you in the
face with a rainbow.Copy !req
340. Mmm.Copy !req
341. Speaking of rainbows,
Oscar, you are kind
of a double minority.Copy !req
342. Gay.Copy !req
343. So, we at Sabre
could really benefit
from your perspective.Copy !req
344. Dwight, we know
Kelly applied.Copy !req
345. We're not going to cross her,
no matter how good
the program is.Copy !req
346. I can protect
you from Kelly.Copy !req
347. Will you get out
of here? Seriously.Copy !req
348. For hobbies, yoga,
belly dancing,Copy !req
349. snake-charming,
beds of nails,
I like lying . . .Copy !req
350. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
This is Hidetosha Hacigawa.Copy !req
351. He would like to apply
for the Sabre Minority
Executive Training Program,Copy !req
352. Print In All
Colors initiative.Copy !req
353. Dwight, what
are you doing?Copy !req
354. Helping heal America
in a dramatic fashion
in the eleventh hour.Copy !req
355. God, I hate you so much.Copy !req
356. Caucasians.
Am I right?Copy !req
357. Have a seat.
I'll translate.Copy !req
358. Why? I don't
need translator . . .Copy !req
359. You don't know
what you need, just . . .Copy !req
360. Why don't you tell me
a little about yourself, Hide.Copy !req
361. Hey, Michael,
how you doing?Copy !req
362. I don't know.
I don't know.Copy !req
363. Can't really trust
my feelings anymore.Copy !req
364. You know what, Michael?
For what it's worth,
I was wrong, too.Copy !req
365. I thought she was
interested in you.Copy !req
366. She suckered you, too?
Was it the cleavage?Copy !req
367. Yeah, and the
shoulder cutouts.
Yep.Copy !req
368. Michael, you know,
it's easy to get fooled.Copy !req
369. Bob's warehouse guys
flirt with me all the time.
It's mostly harmless.Copy !req
370. Usually I don't
let it go too far.Copy !req
371. You know, when
I tore my scrote,
I was . . .Copy !req
372. I was seeing this really
hot urologist about it
and thought she was into me,Copy !req
373. but now I think she
was just doing a bunch
of stuff to bill my HMO.Copy !req
374. You know,
she's touching
around down there.Copy !req
375. It's easy to
get confused.Copy !req
376. Michael, I think
Donna left this here.Copy !req
377. Should I put it in
the lost and found for 14 days
and then I can take it home?Copy !req
378. God.Copy !req
379. She left this here? Okay.Copy !req
380. Maybe she wants me
to return this
to her at her work.Copy !req
381. What? No.
No.Copy !req
382. No.Copy !req
383. Yeah. This could
be a signal.Copy !req
384. People don't just
take barrettes off.Copy !req
385. It's not a signal.
It's just a coincidence.Copy !req
386. No, it's not even
a coincidence.Copy !req
387. It's just something
that happened.Copy !req
388. Michael.
Well . . .Copy !req
389. She doesn't want you
to return the barrette.
She's not interested in you.Copy !req
390. I know. I know. I know.
I'm sorry.Copy !req
391. I know. You're right.
Thank you.
Thanks, everybody.Copy !req
392. No.Copy !req
393. Michael!Copy !req
394. Michael!Copy !req
395. Oh, you're still here.
I have your baguette.Copy !req
396. Everyone, it is my
pleasure to announceCopy !req
397. our newest member
of the Sabre Minority
Executive Training Program,Copy !req
398. Kelly Rajanigandha Kapoor.Copy !req
399. They're going to be
pretty pleased
in TallahasseeCopy !req
400. that I snagged
an lndian for the program.Copy !req
401. She'll be the first.
The program's mostly black.Copy !req
402. It's almost too black.Copy !req
403. That didn't sound right.Copy !req
404. And the best part is,
is that I get a business
stipendCopy !req
405. to buy all new clothes.
Awesome.Copy !req
406. So you can totally buy
any of my old clothesCopy !req
407. that I'm not gonna
need anymore.Copy !req
408. Oh, my God,
thank you so much.Copy !req
409. I love that denim
jumpsuit you have.
How much?Copy !req
410. Actually, I was thinking about
clothes that I was just going
to give to Goodwill anyway.Copy !req
411. Great.
Hey, kiddo.Copy !req
412. Congratulations are in order.
You deserve it.Copy !req
413. Thank you, Dwight.
Oh.Copy !req
414. I'll never forget everything
that you've done for me.Copy !req
415. Gosh. (LAUGHS)Copy !req
416. Because I never
forget anything.Copy !req
417. Just once I would like
to be a puppet master
and have nothing go wrong.Copy !req
418. Is that too much to ask?Copy !req
419. You know what? Everybody
told me that you weren't
interested. Everybody.Copy !req
420. And I didn't believe them.Copy !req
421. And they were right.Copy !req
422. So, here's your barrette.Copy !req
423. No, you were right.Copy !req
424. Who?
You were right.Copy !req
425. About what?Copy !req
426. You were right.Copy !req
427. I'm sorry.
No. No. No.Copy !req
428. I'm . . .
Nope.Copy !req
429. What happened?Copy !req
430. Kelly got into
the minority
training program.Copy !req
431. Really? Oh, that's great.
That's such good news.
I did it.Copy !req
432. I kissed. We kissed.Copy !req
433. Oh, Michael . . .Copy !req
434. No, I'm serious.
The . . . This happened.Copy !req
435. I went down to
the parking lot and I was . . .
I returned her barrette.Copy !req
436. We . . .Copy !req
437. We did. Okay.
We did. We did.Copy !req
438. You know what?
It doesn't matter,Copy !req
439. because I know what happened,
and that is all that counts.Copy !req
440. I did do it!Copy !req