1. Attention, everyone!Copy !req
2. Jim and l, on behalf
of the Party Planning
CommitteeCopy !req
3. have an . . .
Too loud.
Too, too loud. Too loud.Copy !req
4. But effective. Look.
On behalf of Jim and l,
Merry Christmas.Copy !req
5. Merry Christmas.Copy !req
6. Merry Christmas. Good.Copy !req
7. My diabolical plot is
on hold for Christmas.Copy !req
8. My heart just melts
with the sound of
children singing.Copy !req
9. Not really. I'm just tired.
The days are short.
I don't know.Copy !req
10. Maybe I'm depressed.Copy !req
11. It is time to
unveil the tree.Copy !req
12. Hey, Rockefeller Center!Copy !req
13. Yeah.Copy !req
14. Uh, I've actually
been to Rock CenterCopy !req
15. and this is
nothing like that.Copy !req
16. This is all we have.
Ugh!Copy !req
17. Nope, it's not "ugh."Copy !req
18. It is office
camaraderie.Copy !req
19. It is warm feelings.Copy !req
20. Why don't we
talk more about it
instead of doing it?Copy !req
21. Thirty, 29, 28 . . .Copy !req
22. Why would you
start so high?
. . .27 . . .Copy !req
23. Three, two, one.Copy !req
24. . . .26 . . .Copy !req
25. Ooh!Copy !req
26. You didn't decorate it.Copy !req
27. No.
Exactly.Copy !req
28. We didn't, because
we think it would be better
to do it together.Copy !req
29. Everyone.
Why would you
wrap it in a sheetCopy !req
30. if you're not
covering anything up?Copy !req
31. ls . . . Is it fake?
Pam.Copy !req
32. Yes! We are unveiling
an artificial tree
that will never die.Copy !req
33. Yes.
Like the spirit
of Christmas.Copy !req
34. And we're supposed
to applaud youCopy !req
35. for taking a giant
diaper off a fake tree?Copy !req
36. This was
a successful unveiling!
Go back to work!Copy !req
37. Merry Christmas.Copy !req
38. Hello. Sorry, guys.
Sorry, guys.Copy !req
39. I'm not sure I've
earned the right to
make announcements yet,Copy !req
40. but whoever is
giving me the
12 Days of ChristmasCopy !req
41. as my Secret Santa,Copy !req
42. please stop.
I can't take it anymore.
My cat killed a turtledove.Copy !req
43. The French hens
have started pulling out
my hair to make a nest.Copy !req
44. Please stop.Copy !req
45. What psycho would
send that as a gift?Copy !req
46. I begged Dwight and Jim
to give me Erin for
Secret Santa,Copy !req
47. and I decided to give Erin
the 12 Days of Christmas.Copy !req
48. Bowtie time.Copy !req
49. Is it my fault that
the first eight days
there's basically 30 birds?Copy !req
50. Ho! Ho! Ho!Copy !req
51. Merry Christmas,
boys and girls.
It's me, Santa Claus.Copy !req
52. Hey, Santa.Copy !req
53. They finally
let you do it.
Yeah.Copy !req
54. Congrats, Phyl.Copy !req
55. It's so edgy.Copy !req
56. I have been wanting
to be Santa for years.Copy !req
57. I believe I have
the right temperamentCopy !req
58. and the figure to
do the job well.Copy !req
59. I slipped a note
to Jim 11 weeks ago,
and he said I could do it.Copy !req
60. It's been a long journey.Copy !req
61. But I'm Santa Claus!Copy !req
62. So, Santa, what can we
expect from this party?Copy !req
63. It's going to be
a very jolly time
if you've been good.Copy !req
64. What if you've been bad?Copy !req
65. Then nothing but
a lump of coal for you.Copy !req
66. What if you've been
really, really bad?Copy !req
67. More evil than
strictly wrong.Copy !req
68. Hey, Creed?
We covered it.
Lump of coal.Copy !req
69. Yeah.Copy !req
70. For the past several weeks,Copy !req
71. my Secret Santa
has been giving me
pieces of a machineCopy !req
72. that I've been
attempting to assemble.Copy !req
73. I'm suspicious of this,
because I had
the exact same ideaCopy !req
74. for catching Osama bin Laden.Copy !req
75. I would simply send him
a different piece each day.Copy !req
76. He would assemble
it to find himselfCopy !req
77. in jail!Copy !req
78. You know, Oscar,
every time I make
this lasagnaCopy !req
79. people ask me if
it's a family recipe,Copy !req
80. but really, I just get
the recipe from the box.Copy !req
81. That's funny.Copy !req
82. Is it funny?
I thought it was more
interesting than funny.Copy !req
83. I think my water
just broke.Copy !req
84. That's too funny.Copy !req
85. Oscar and
the warehouse guy.Copy !req
86. Go, Oscar!
Go, gay warehouse guy!Copy !req
87. Here's Santa!Copy !req
88. Hey, little girl,
what would you
like for Christmas?Copy !req
89. Ooh! You have been a very
naughty girl, I see.Copy !req
90. Michael, we already
have a Santa. Phyllis.Copy !req
91. What the hell is going on?Copy !req
92. Phyllis, Jim?
Phyllis is Santa?Copy !req
93. Yeah.
Phyllis.Copy !req
94. Yeah. I told her
a long time ago
she could do it.Copy !req
95. Take it back.
That is absurd.Copy !req
96. No. I'm not gonna
do that.Copy !req
97. No, Jim, come on!Copy !req
98. I think she's
doing a good job.Copy !req
99. Lately, there have been
serious rumors that
our company's going bankrupt,Copy !req
100. so David Wallace asked me
to keep morale high.Copy !req
101. So I asked around
about what people wanted
with Christmas,Copy !req
102. and I told them
to get creative.Copy !req
103. And they didn't really
get creative, exactly.Copy !req
104. Secret Santa, karaoke, food,Copy !req
105. kind of the usual thing
that we do here,
which is great.Copy !req
106. And people usually
argue about food,Copy !req
107. so I told everybody
to bring their favorites.Copy !req
108. I made an organized
signup sheet for karaokeCopy !req
109. so that there was no fightingCopy !req
110. and no crying.Copy !req
111. I'm doing a good job, I think,
because this year,Copy !req
112. I care.Copy !req
113. It's weird. I know.Copy !req
114. It's insane!
A woman Santa?
Where does it stop?Copy !req
115. No! Jim, this may
be the last Christmas
that we have here.Copy !req
116. Doesn't it make you
a tiny bit anxious,Copy !req
117. me not playing Santa?
Come on!Copy !req
118. I'm not gonna go tell Phyllis
that she can't be Santa.Copy !req
119. Fine. Then do it anonymously.
Ransom-note style. You can . . .Copy !req
120. You know what?
I have a bunch of lettersCopy !req
121. cut out of magazines
in my desk.Copy !req
122. You can use those.Copy !req
123. if this were Russia,
yeah, sure,Copy !req
124. everybody would
go to one Santa,Copy !req
125. and there would be
a line around the block,Copy !req
126. and once
you sat on her lapCopy !req
127. and she asked you
what you wanted,Copy !req
128. you would say,
probably, freedom,Copy !req
129. at which point
the KGB would arrest you
and send you to Siberia.Copy !req
130. It's a good thing
Russia doesn't exist anymore.Copy !req
131. Name?Copy !req
132. Kelly.Copy !req
133. And what would you
like for Christmas?Copy !req
134. I would like
the photographer,
please, Santa.Copy !req
135. We'll talk.Copy !req
136. So far, people really seem
to like the party this year.Copy !req
137. We took some chances
and it's working out.Copy !req
138. Ho, ho, ho!
Ho, ho, ho!Copy !req
139. Why pay more
to sit next to old
Trannie Claus over thereCopy !req
140. when you can sit
on my lap?Copy !req
141. Phyllis is only
pretending to be a man.
I'm the real thing!Copy !req
142. Sit down on my lap
and there will be no doubt!Copy !req
143. Okay.
Okay.Copy !req
144. No, it's not,
like, penis-wise.Copy !req
145. Hello, little boy!
What's your name?Copy !req
146. Michael, it's me, Kevin.Copy !req
147. Phyllis says
I'm too big for her lap.Copy !req
148. Oh, I am so sorry
that Phyllis hates you
and hates your body,Copy !req
149. but Santa
remembers a reindeerCopy !req
150. that was just a tiny
bit different as well.Copy !req
151. When can I sit
on your lap?Copy !req
152. Right now!
Come on over here, big boy!Copy !req
153. There we go!
Oh, my God.Copy !req
154. That's really
comfortable.Copy !req
155. What would you
like for Christmas,
little boy?Copy !req
156. I don't know.
I didn't know you
were gonna ask me that.Copy !req
157. Well, what did you think
was going to happen?Copy !req
158. I didn't know.
Nobody's ever let me
sit on their lap before.Copy !req
159. (SOFTLY) All right,
just say some toys, please.Copy !req
160. Can you give me
some choices?Copy !req
161. 'Cause I really
don't want to mess up
on this list.Copy !req
162. Damn it, Kevin.
Come on.Copy !req
163. What about if l
tell you the things
I don't want?Copy !req
164. Okay, get off!
Get off! Off!Copy !req
165. Oh, God!Copy !req
166. I didn't even get to
tell you what I wanted.Copy !req
167. Okay, you know
what you get?Copy !req
168. You get a thousand
helium balloons
attached to youCopy !req
169. so Santa doesn't have
to go through this again.Copy !req
170. Awesome.Copy !req
171. Foot's asleep.Copy !req
172. Oh, God. My whole leg.Copy !req
173. Oh, God.Copy !req
174. All right, that's better.
Who's next?Copy !req
175. Well?Copy !req
176. I'm trying, Phyllis.
You're Santa.Copy !req
177. The only Santa.
That's what I want.Copy !req
178. You promised me this.
Don't make me
get Bob involved.Copy !req
179. What would Bob do?Copy !req
180. Never mind.
I shouldn't have said that.Copy !req
181. Check it out.Copy !req
182. In fourth grade,
Bronwyn Reinhart stabbed me
with a pencil,Copy !req
183. scarred me for life.Copy !req
184. Oh!Copy !req
185. Oh, yeah, I see it.Copy !req
186. Yeah, so I know
how it feels.Copy !req
187. Does it hurt?Copy !req
188. It stings a lot.Copy !req
189. Hmm.Copy !req
190. I keep trying
to figure out who's
sending me these gifts.Copy !req
191. I know, right?Copy !req
192. So far no one
will admit to it.Copy !req
193. (CHUCKLES)
Is it you?Copy !req
194. Yeah!Copy !req
195. Totally.
I admit it. It's me.Copy !req
196. (LAUGHS) Seriously?Copy !req
197. Seriously?Copy !req
198. Are you serious?
ls . . . What . . . Is it you?Copy !req
199. When you're . . .
I don't . . . Are you . . .Copy !req
200. Oh, no, no, no. I'm saying . . .
Are you asking . . .Copy !req
201. I'm saying, are . . .
I don't . . .Copy !req
202. It's you . . . No . . .
Is it . . .Copy !req
203. Yeah. Totally serious.
I'm your Secret Santa.
Busted!Copy !req
204. There he is.Copy !req
205. Hey, man.
Hey.Copy !req
206. ls Matt around?
I've got his check.Copy !req
207. Matt is on a delivery.
Just leave it here.
I'll take it.Copy !req
208. I'll just wait for him.Copy !req
209. You'll wait?Copy !req
210. You're gonna wait to give
a guy you don't know
his check?Copy !req
211. Spirit of Christmas.Copy !req
212. Right. Christmas.Copy !req
213. Matt's a pretty
good-looking dude,
don't you think?Copy !req
214. I'll just leave
it here with you.Copy !req
215. All right,
thank you.Copy !req
216. Come here!
Come here! Come here!Copy !req
217. I'm doing
something over here.
Come on! Ah!Copy !req
218. Ho! Ho! Ho!Copy !req
219. Come on,
I need this.
Come over here!Copy !req
220. Just sit down!Copy !req
221. No, no, no,
no, no, no!Copy !req
222. ls everything okay?
Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
223. Ryan and I are
just having some fun.Copy !req
224. Can I just talk to
you for a second?
Yeah.Copy !req
225. No, now.
Okay, what?Copy !req
226. You can't yell out,
"l need this, I need this,"Copy !req
227. as you pin down
an employee on your lap.Copy !req
228. Okay. You know what, Jim?Copy !req
229. With two Santas in the room,
things get ruthless.Copy !req
230. Yeah.
Do you understand?
You forced my hand.Copy !req
231. Michael, it's Phyllis.
We want Phyllis as Santa.Copy !req
232. Do we? Do we?
Is that what we want?Copy !req
233. Why don't we
take a vote on it?Copy !req
234. Great.Copy !req
235. Hey! Okay, everybody.Copy !req
236. The office is
being pulled apart.
I realize that.Copy !req
237. There are traditions at stake.Copy !req
238. And there are women . . .
Who wants Phyllis as Santa?Copy !req
239. No, no, no! Wait! No!
There are other choices.Copy !req
240. There's information that we . . .
Are you kidding me, Kevin?Copy !req
241. After you almost killed me?Copy !req
242. Michael, I had you.
I just want to try Phyllis.Copy !req
243. And if you want
Michael as Santa,
raise your hand.Copy !req
244. Can I get you
some punch?Copy !req
245. l . . . No, I'll get some punch.
That looks delicious.Copy !req
246. Michael!Copy !req
247. Excuse me.Copy !req
248. Whoever has been sending me
the parts to this gun,Copy !req
249. I think you sent me a gear
instead of a trigger.Copy !req
250. How do you know it's a gun?Copy !req
251. What else does it look like?Copy !req
252. Not a gun.Copy !req
253. Well, I don't have
all the pieces yet.Copy !req
254. Well, unless
the missing piece is a gun,
you don't have a gun.Copy !req
255. Not a gun.Copy !req
256. In the North Pole,
I spend many nights alone
tinkering with toys.Copy !req
257. So today,
let's put a twinkle in
old Kris Kringle's eye.Copy !req
258. Let the party begin!Copy !req
259. I don't ask for
much for Christmas.
I really don't.Copy !req
260. It's not like
I am begging people
to buy me diamondsCopy !req
261. and broach pendants.Copy !req
262. Oh!Copy !req
263. "Buy me something expensive,
or I'm gonna kill myself."
That's not . . .Copy !req
264. I don't care about that!
All I want to be is Santa.Copy !req
265. And you want to take that
away from me, fine.Copy !req
266. Go ahead.Copy !req
267. But when
you need my helpCopy !req
268. because I am
ruining everything,Copy !req
269. don't look at me!Copy !req
270. Behold,Copy !req
271. Jesus Christ.Copy !req
272. And I bring to you
glad Christmas tidings.Copy !req
273. I want to remind everyone
the true meaning
of Christmas.Copy !req
274. Those of you who
wish to join me,
that's great.Copy !req
275. I am excited by that,Copy !req
276. and those of you who don't,Copy !req
277. I forgive you,
but I never forget.Copy !req
278. Wow, Michael.
This must be obvious
how wrong this is.Copy !req
279. The Antichrist.Copy !req
280. Okay, you can't . . .
(HlSSlNG)Copy !req
281. Look, you cannot
push religion.Copy !req
282. But I can push
drugs in here.Copy !req
283. Is that what
you're saying?
No.Copy !req
284. Well, you have to
pick one or the other.
Your choice.Copy !req
285. Pick your poison.
Get back to me.
In the meantime,Copy !req
286. I am going to
spread my goodness
all over this company!Copy !req
287. Hello, workers.Copy !req
288. Salt of the earth.Copy !req
289. Listen to what
I am saying unto you.Copy !req
290. I am Jesus.Copy !req
291. Okay, I need everybody
to stop what you're doingCopy !req
292. and watch this.Copy !req
293. Thank you, Darryl.
Thank you, my son.Copy !req
294. Everyone, I have heard
your cries for rest,Copy !req
295. and I am inviting you
up to our Christmas party,Copy !req
296. where you can eat
and drink and have fun.Copy !req
297. Hell, yeah. Let's go,
y'all. Thanks, Mike.Copy !req
298. Everyone, everyone,
please welcome our friends
from the warehouse.Copy !req
299. I command thee to mingle
and make merriment.Copy !req
300. Libations and food,
please, enjoy.Copy !req
301. Enjoy.Copy !req
302. That was
very nice of you.Copy !req
303. Yes, actually
nicer than Santa.
Jesus doesn't judge.Copy !req
304. The only problem is
we only have food for us.Copy !req
305. So would've loved
a heads up on this.Copy !req
306. Well, would've loved
to have been the central
gift-giving figure,Copy !req
307. but I guess neither of us
is getting what we want,
right?Copy !req
308. Look, I can barely pretend
to like the people up here.Copy !req
309. What am I supposed
to say to Artie?Copy !req
310. Hey, Phyllis?Copy !req
311. Could you not reveal to Erin
that I'm her secret Santa?Copy !req
312. All right, sweetie,
I'll just tell her
it's Michael.Copy !req
313. Okay.Copy !req
314. Santa, if you were a woman,
I'd kiss you.Copy !req
315. Are either of you guys
friends with,Copy !req
316. or ever hang out with
any cleaning ladies?Copy !req
317. Um, I have to find a new one,
'cause mine died.Copy !req
318. First training session
is free.Copy !req
319. I'll show you the ropes,
and get you on track
with the nutrition side.Copy !req
320. My goal is
to look like you,Copy !req
321. like a big, white, you.Copy !req
322. How do I feel about
the warehouse guys showing up
at our Christmas party?Copy !req
323. Well, I could tell you,Copy !req
324. or I could show you.Copy !req
325. This is how I feel.Copy !req
326. (SlNGlNG)
I saw three ships
come sailing inCopy !req
327. Have you
talked to him?Copy !req
328. What?Copy !req
329. Matt.Copy !req
330. Is it
that obvious?Copy !req
331. No. Hey.Copy !req
332. Hmm.Copy !req
333. Good pâté, right?
Oscar made it.
Have you met Oscar?Copy !req
334. I don't think so.Copy !req
335. Hey, Oscar, come here.Copy !req
336. Oscar, this is Matt,
and Matt loves your pâté.Copy !req
337. I had some.Copy !req
338. Oscar's pâté's great.Copy !req
339. I could eat it all day,
every day. Mmm.Copy !req
340. How come the good ones
are never straight, right?Copy !req
341. Oscar likes biking,Copy !req
342. and classical movies,
French films mostly, right?Copy !req
343. Mmm . . .
Yeah?Copy !req
344. Okay. That's all
I'm gonna say.
Classical music.Copy !req
345. And new music. Radiohead.Copy !req
346. I like Radiohead.Copy !req
347. We should all go
to a concert together.Copy !req
348. Are we still doing
that thingCopy !req
349. where we take new people
to the office to a concert?Copy !req
350. Okay, Pam.
Okay.Copy !req
351. Look. Pigs
in a blanket.Copy !req
352. So, Victor, is it?Copy !req
353. Yeah. Victor.Copy !req
354. Nice meeting you.Copy !req
355. Nice to meet you.Copy !req
356. Yes. They're the only
two gay guys I know.
But they should be together.Copy !req
357. So, guys, this is
more like finger food.Copy !req
358. Uh-oh! A lasagna.
Look out, Garfield.Copy !req
359. Uh-oh! What
does that mean?Copy !req
360. Oh, they call me
Garfield.Copy !req
361. I've never seen a lasagna
and not eaten the whole pan.Copy !req
362. I wish you wouldn't.Copy !req
363. Oh, well,
I can't help myself.Copy !req
364. Can you imagine
what it's like for me,Copy !req
365. that it has that power
over me?Copy !req
366. I gotta have some.Copy !req
367. Sorry, guys.
Everybody get some?Copy !req
368. I got mine.
Okay.Copy !req
369. All right, I just got out
of the restroom,
and it stinks.Copy !req
370. The warehouse
needs to go.Copy !req
371. Okay, wait. How do
you know it's someone
from the warehouseCopy !req
372. who stunk up
the bathroom?Copy !req
373. They stink up the bathroom
with their smelly poos,Copy !req
374. because they don't eat
as quality food as usCopy !req
375. 'cause they're poor.
It's science.Copy !req
376. That is so offensiveCopy !req
377. and thought out.
(SlGHS)Copy !req
378. Maybe if we just
took some time to try
to get to know them,Copy !req
379. rather than constantly
complaining . . .
Garfield! Garfield!Copy !req
380. Garfield!
Garfield! Garfield!Copy !req
381. Do it, girl.Copy !req
382. That woman
is a beast.
Garfield! Garfield!Copy !req
383. Garfield! Garfield . . .Copy !req
384. Yeah!Copy !req
385. I am so very glad
that you joined us here
on this festive occasion.Copy !req
386. You look like Gandalf.Copy !req
387. No, I'm Jesus,
and we're celebrating
my birthday.Copy !req
388. Seriously, though, Mike,
you should take that off, man.Copy !req
389. It's offensive, even to me.Copy !req
390. Merry Christmas, Creed.Copy !req
391. Thanks, Santa.
I love it.Copy !req
392. And he doesn't
even know what it is.Copy !req
393. And it's probably terrible,
so save the receipt.Copy !req
394. Get the receipt, Creed.Copy !req
395. This just arrived
from the Dunder Mifflin
North Pole branch.Copy !req
396. We don't have
a North Pole branch.
Idiot!Copy !req
397. Uh-oh!
What's Dwight gonna get?
What is it?Copy !req
398. Yes!Copy !req
399. Oh, yes! It's space garbage.Copy !req
400. Dwight's gonna be able
to build himself a friend.Copy !req
401. Deck the halls
with crappy giftsCopy !req
402. And Stanley, ho, ho, ho,
you've been very
good this year.Copy !req
403. I have.Copy !req
404. Yeah, except for
cheating on your wife.Copy !req
405. Adultery's a sin.
Look it up
in the Bible, people.Copy !req
406. What'd he get?Copy !req
407. He got scented candles.Copy !req
408. Well, that's appropriate.
A lot of fire
where you're going.Copy !req
409. Better get used to it.Copy !req
410. You're going to H-E-L-L,
double hockey sticks.Copy !req
411. Going to hell, Stanley.Copy !req
412. (PHYLLlS LAUGHlNG)
Amen.Copy !req
413. And this brings us
to you, little one.Copy !req
414. I can't see from here, people.
Somebody shout it out.Copy !req
415. Don't make me get up.Copy !req
416. It's fabric.
I really wanted this.Copy !req
417. That's fantastic!
You can make another dress
that goes past your feet.Copy !req
418. Andy, was this you?Copy !req
419. It's a secret.Copy !req
420. No, Andy had Erin.
It was a secret.Copy !req
421. Michael!
You . . .Copy !req
422. What? Was I not
supposed to say?Copy !req
423. What? Turn it back on.Copy !req
424. No.Copy !req
425. Yes, Michael.
What is so urgent?Copy !req
426. David, guess who I am
sitting here dressed as.Copy !req
427. I'm not going to guess.
You can tell me,
or I will hang up.Copy !req
428. I will give you a hint.
His last name is Christ.Copy !req
429. He has the power of flight.
He can heal leopards.Copy !req
430. Michael...Copy !req
431. I am Jesus, David,
and you know why?Copy !req
432. Because Phyllis,
a woman, has uslurped
my role as Santa.Copy !req
433. Michael...
What?Copy !req
434. This is a very,
very bad time.Copy !req
435. Really? What's going on?Copy !req
436. Stephanie,
can you hop off, please?Copy !req
437. Sure, David.Copy !req
438. What the hell?
How rude! Does she do
that all the time?Copy !req
439. Do you want me off
this call too, Michael?Copy !req
440. Hey, what? Get off!
Get off the phone!Copy !req
441. Listen,
I shouldn't tell you this,
but the company has a buyer.Copy !req
442. The board
will have no choice
but to approve,Copy !req
443. and they are going
to clean house.Copy !req
444. What does that mean?Copy !req
445. I'll be fired.Copy !req
446. Well, can't Alan protect you?Copy !req
447. Alan will be out, too.
All of us.Copy !req
448. All of us?Copy !req
449. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.Copy !req
450. I'm sorry you can't be Santa.Copy !req
451. I do have to go.
Goodbye, Michael.Copy !req
452. Earlier today,
this office needed a Santa.Copy !req
453. And then it
needed a second Santa.
And then it needed a Jesus.Copy !req
454. And now,Copy !req
455. it needs a Michael.Copy !req
456. And that's one suit
Phyllis cannot fit into.Copy !req
457. Hey, how's everybody doing?Copy !req
458. Not great.
You heckled Santa
for an hour and a half.Copy !req
459. That was a different guy.
That was Jesus.Copy !req
460. Jesus sort of
ruined the party.Copy !req
461. Hurt, petulant Jesus.Copy !req
462. Are you serious?
That is so offensive.Copy !req
463. You know what's
even more offensive,Copy !req
464. is bailing on this party
because some jerk ruined
the first part of it.Copy !req
465. Dwight, come here.Copy !req
466. Here's my debit card.
I want you to go pick
up a bunch of pizzasCopy !req
467. and meet me in
the conference room.Copy !req
468. What's your pin number?Copy !req
469. I don't want to say.Copy !req
470. But it's fun
to stay at the . . .Copy !req
471. It's fun to stay at the . . .Copy !req
472. Where?
Holiday lnn. I don't . . .Copy !req
473. I thought that
you would like it.Copy !req
474. It was a little much, Andy.Copy !req
475. Well, it's the thought
that counts.Copy !req
476. What were you thinking?Copy !req
477. I suppose a gentleman
might throw in the towel
at this point.Copy !req
478. Guess what.
Not gonna happen.Copy !req
479. You know what?
Christmas isn't
about Santa or Jesus.Copy !req
480. It's about the workplace.Copy !req
481. The exact opposite
of what you just said
is true.Copy !req
482. See, that's exactly
something that Jim
would say,Copy !req
483. and I love him for it.Copy !req
484. All of you feel
like my family.Copy !req
485. Ryan, you are my son,
and Pam, you're my wife,
and Jim . . .Copy !req
486. And Angela and Phyllis,
you are my grandmas.Copy !req
487. And Oscar, you just
moved in next doorCopy !req
488. because of urban renewal.Copy !req
489. And Stanley,
you're our mailman.Copy !req
490. And I can't help but look
at all of your wonderful,
beautiful facesCopy !req
491. and think, "How could
they do this to us?"Copy !req
492. What?
(ALL MURMURlNG)Copy !req
493. How could we do
what to you?Copy !req
494. That's not . . .
Never . . . Nothing.
Why would we . . .Copy !req
495. We deserve to know.Copy !req
496. I didn't
say anything!Copy !req
497. We're going out of business!Copy !req
498. What?
What?Copy !req
499. You are kidding me.Copy !req
500. Wait, wait, wait.
Who said that?Copy !req
501. David told me on the phone.
David told me.Copy !req
502. When?
When did he tell you, today?Copy !req
503. Earlier today,
he said we have been sold.Copy !req
504. What?Copy !req
505. Dwight! Jesus.
Come on!Copy !req
506. Michael, wait.
So they said we are sold.Copy !req
507. David is gone,
Alan is gone.
We're all gone.Copy !req
508. Okay, but we
haven't gone under.Copy !req
509. We've been sold,
and that can mean
many different things.Copy !req
510. It's hard for me to
imagine a scenarioCopy !req
511. where Meredith Palmer
keeps her job and
David Wallace does not.Copy !req
512. No offense, Meredith.
No, I get it.Copy !req
513. Did he say anything
about the warehouse?Copy !req
514. No, but he's always
held you guys
in high regard.Copy !req
515. You two are
the worst bosses!Copy !req
516. You are. You never
know anything.Copy !req
517. It's like the blind
leading the blind.
"Guess, guess, guess."Copy !req
518. Relax.
Okay, I can still fire you.Copy !req
519. We better get some
answers soon, or it's gonna
get real litigious up in here.Copy !req
520. Like, you're gonna sue?
Who're you gonna sue?
For what?Copy !req
521. You have no idea.
The law protects
the plaintiffs.Copy !req
522. I'll call him.
I'll call David.Copy !req
523. No you won't,
because he's not picking
up his phone.Copy !req
524. Yes, I will,
because I always know
how to get through to him.Copy !req
525. He told me where
his kids go to school.Copy !req
526. I call the school.
I tell them
I'm the pediatrician.Copy !req
527. They patch me
through to his secretary.
I use my little girl voice.Copy !req
528. Ba-da-bing, ba-da-boom.Copy !req
529. Hey, sweetie,
what is it?Copy !req
530. It's not sweetie.
It's Michael Scott.Copy !req
531. What the hell?
Stephanie,
could you hop off, please?Copy !req
532. Michael, I have never...Copy !req
533. David . . .
never, ever...Copy !req
534. David, you are
on speakerphoneCopy !req
535. with the entire branch
and the warehouse.Copy !req
536. Hi, David.
Hey, David.Copy !req
537. Hi, everyone.Copy !req
538. David, they do not believe meCopy !req
539. when you told me
that everyone was canned.Copy !req
540. You weren't supposed
to tell anyone, Michael.Copy !req
541. Well, I think
we're past that now.Copy !req
542. I am not supposed...Copy !req
543. Okay, fine.
Guys, I was reallyCopy !req
544. only talking
about AIan, myself,Copy !req
545. and a few other
execs you don't know.Copy !req
546. Oh, my God.
David, that's horrible.Copy !req
547. How about us? It's Meredith.
By the way, your wife
is a very lucky woman.Copy !req
548. Look,
they're buying the company
for the distribution.Copy !req
549. You guys are the only thing
about this company that works.Copy !req
550. So congratulations.Copy !req
551. We're not fired?Copy !req
552. No. Congratulations.Copy !req
553. All right!
Yeah!Copy !req
554. Come on!Copy !req
555. It's a Christmas miracle!Copy !req
556. Yeah!Copy !req
557. (SlNGlNG) Walk a Ionely roadCopy !req
558. Only one that
I have ever knownCopy !req
559. Don't know where it goesCopy !req
560. But it's all to me
and I walk aloneCopy !req
561. It's true.
Yes.Copy !req
562. We all walk alone.
Jim.Copy !req
563. Jim.
Come on. Shall we?Copy !req
564. Jim.Copy !req
565. My shadow's the only one
That walks beside meCopy !req
566. Take it away, Andy.Copy !req
567. Wow.Copy !req
568. Yeah. That was the idea.
Thank you.Copy !req
569. Awesome.
Thanks, man.Copy !req
570. (SlNGlNG) Christmas tree
Thou Ieaves are so unchangingCopy !req
571. Of course!Copy !req
572. You got it?Copy !req
573. What is that?Copy !req
574. I have no idea.Copy !req
575. Well, maybe those will help.Copy !req
576. Michael, please.
Come on.Copy !req
577. Sorry.
Sure.Copy !req
578. Nice to meet you, Oscar.Copy !req
579. Nice to meet you, Mark.Copy !req
580. It's Matt.
Right, Matt.Copy !req
581. I know what
I'm doing, Pam.Copy !req
582. Oh, man!Copy !req
583. I can use this
for so many nuts.Copy !req
584. Macadamias,
Brazil nuts, pecans,Copy !req
585. almonds, clams, snails.Copy !req
586. Not in front of the kid.Copy !req
587. This is a great party.Copy !req
588. Did you buy the company
just to save
your Christmas party?Copy !req
589. I promise I will never
buy a company without
telling you first.Copy !req
590. Hi, Santa.Copy !req
591. Hi, Michael.Copy !req
592. Okay.Copy !req
593. I'd like to make a wish.Copy !req
594. What?Copy !req
595. I would like an Xbox
and a TV that's
compatible with an Xbox.Copy !req
596. And I'm sorry.Copy !req
597. An Xbox it is,
because I've decided
you're a good boy.Copy !req
598. Scott, what in the hell
is going on here?Copy !req
599. No, no, no.
We worked it out.
You called Bob? Phyllis!Copy !req
600. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.
It was earlier today.Copy !req
601. Okay.Copy !req
602. Hi, sweetheart.
You okay, baby?Copy !req
603. I'm good, baby.Copy !req
604. Oh, God.
Get a room, Santas.Copy !req
605. Fresh nut?Copy !req
606. I don't mind if I do.
Thank you.Copy !req
607. Thank you, Santa.Copy !req
608. Okay, happy holidays.Copy !req
609. It's real slippery out here.Copy !req
610. Oh, my God.Copy !req
611. Twelve drummers drumming.Copy !req
612. Merry Christmas, Erin.
Take it away, boys!Copy !req