1. Not again.Copy !req
2. Bow down
before Recyclops.Copy !req
3. Five years ago
corporate said
we had to startCopy !req
4. a recycling program
for Earth Day,Copy !req
5. so Dwight took
the lead on that,Copy !req
6. and introduced us
to a very close friend
of his named Recyclops.Copy !req
7. Happy Earth Day, everyone.
I'm Recyclops.Copy !req
8. Did you know that
an old milk cartonCopy !req
9. can be sawed in half
and used as a planter?Copy !req
10. The next year,
he really stepped
things up.Copy !req
11. Who has put
a number seven plastic
in a number four bin?Copy !req
12. A year after that,
Recyclops really
began to take shape.Copy !req
13. Recyclops will drown you
in your over-watered lawns!Copy !req
14. Then tragedy struck Recyclops
when his fictional planetCopy !req
15. was attacked by some
other fictitious thing,
I can't remember.Copy !req
16. Recyclops will have
his revenge!Copy !req
17. I think this was
also the year that
he renounced Earth DayCopy !req
18. and vowed to
destroy the planet
he once loved.Copy !req
19. Oh, my God,
you guys, look!
It's Recyclops!Copy !req
20. Recyclops destroy!Copy !req
21. Oh, is today
Recyclops Day?
Yes.Copy !req
22. I thought you were killed
by Polluticon or something.Copy !req
23. Polluticon wishes.Copy !req
24. That's aerosol spray.
It's terrible for
the environment.Copy !req
25. Humans are terrible
for the environment.Copy !req
26. The thing I like most
about RecyclopsCopy !req
27. is that he's creating
a different world
for our child.Copy !req
28. Hmm.Copy !req
29. A world where
you truly can be
anything you want.Copy !req
30. God bless you,
Recyclops,Copy !req
31. and your cold
robot heart.Copy !req
32. Okay. Okay.
How about this?Copy !req
33. That's great.Copy !req
34. I want it to be better
than great, Pam.Copy !req
35. How about I remain seated
and I just do a little bit
of a nod,Copy !req
36. sort of a humble thing?
Sure.Copy !req
37. No. Then my face is down.
They can't see my face.Copy !req
38. And it looks like
you're taking a dump.Copy !req
39. Alan Brand who's
the CEO of the company,Copy !req
40. if title is important
to you,Copy !req
41. has personally invited
moi to go to New YorkCopy !req
42. to the shareholders'
meetingCopy !req
43. and sit up on the stage
with the board of directors.Copy !req
44. And at some point,
they're going to
introduce meCopy !req
45. as the most successful
branch manager
that they have.Copy !req
46. And then Michael Scott turns
and waves to the crowd.Copy !req
47. And the crowd goes wild.Copy !req
48. Ladies and gentlemen,
from Scranton, Pennsylvania,Copy !req
49. please welcome
Michael "The Machine" Scott!Copy !req
50. Oh.Copy !req
51. Don't do the twirl.
Lose the twirl.Copy !req
52. Twirl sucks.
Michael, I hated the twirl.Copy !req
53. Hate the twirl.Copy !req
54. Okay, obviously
I'm not going
to do the twirl.Copy !req
55. I only did it because
I nailed the wave.Copy !req
56. Yeah, good.
Don't do it.Copy !req
57. (ENUNClATlNG) I'm not going
to do the twirl, all right?Copy !req
58. It's not even a twirl.
It's a spin.Copy !req
59. I might do the spin.Copy !req
60. The long-term problem
is bad investments
that they need to dump.Copy !req
61. And the short-term problem
is the companyCopy !req
62. has no cash and
there's nowhere
to get it.Copy !req
63. Okay, Oscar. I don't need
the whole enchilada,
just bullet points.Copy !req
64. Those are
the bullet points.Copy !req
65. Well, could you
condense it, please?Copy !req
66. That's as simple
as I can make it.Copy !req
67. Michael, the limo's
here for you.Copy !req
68. It's not a limo,
it's a town car.Copy !req
69. Town cars are
actually better, though,Copy !req
70. better torque,
better handling.Copy !req
71. He said limousine, so . . .Copy !req
72. Check it out, guys,
there's a limo down here.Copy !req
73. Michael, look.Copy !req
74. Oh, man!
It's a limo.Copy !req
75. They sent a limo.Copy !req
76. Town cars suck.
A town carCopy !req
77. is something that
a company sends when
they're in trouble.Copy !req
78. A limousine is something
that a company sendsCopy !req
79. when they have cause
for celebration.Copy !req
80. And in this case,
I think we are
celebrating me.Copy !req
81. Move it! Quick!Copy !req
82. (LAUGHS)
Wow! Wow!Copy !req
83. Oh, no way!
Yeah!Copy !req
84. What kind of mileage
does this baby get?Copy !req
85. It's like what
high school kids take
to prom on TV shows.Copy !req
86. So typical of management
to spend money on this.Copy !req
87. (EXCLAlMlNG)
Bunch of boobs!Copy !req
88. Hate to break it to you,
Oscar, but some of us
like boobs.Copy !req
89. Calves.
Calves all the way.Copy !req
90. I'm so jealous
right now.Copy !req
91. Hey, you know who you
should be jealous of?Copy !req
92. Yourself.Copy !req
93. Because you're invited,
and you're invited,Copy !req
94. and you're invited,
and you, and you,Copy !req
95. and you and you
and you and you . . .
Car seats eight.Copy !req
96. What?
The car seats eight.Copy !req
97. The limo seats eight.Copy !req
98. Okay, then Jim and Pam
and Ryan plus a guest.Copy !req
99. No.
No, thanks.Copy !req
100. I'll use it
when you're done.Copy !req
101. Mmm.Copy !req
102. Whoa.Copy !req
103. The Dunder Mifflin
stock symbol is DMl.Copy !req
104. Do you know what
that stands for?Copy !req
105. Dummies,
Morons and ldiots,Copy !req
106. because that's what
you'd have to be to own it.Copy !req
107. And as one of those idiots,
I believe the board owes me
answers.Copy !req
108. I wish
the windows
weren't tintedCopy !req
109. so people could
see us in here.Copy !req
110. Hey, guys, do you think
anyone might have had
sex in here?Copy !req
111. Definitely.
Definitely.
Smells like it.Copy !req
112. Look, they got pillows.Copy !req
113. That, that's bigger
than my bed.Copy !req
114. Word.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
115. Who's playing
with the button?Copy !req
116. Hey, Ryan,
could you start
consolidatingCopy !req
117. all our Rolodex
information
into Outlook?Copy !req
118. Doesn't seem like
there's much of a pointCopy !req
119. if the company's
going under.Copy !req
120. But if the company
doesn't go under,Copy !req
121. then we'll finally
have all our contacts
in one program.Copy !req
122. Company's probably
going under, though.
It could go either way.Copy !req
123. Seems like it's
leaning one way.Copy !req
124. Maybe we should just
wait and find out.Copy !req
125. Definitely.
Okay.Copy !req
126. So should we wait to
find out before we start
doing all this stuff?Copy !req
127. Nah. Might as well
do it now.Copy !req
128. Michael,
what if somebody asks you
a question at this meeting?Copy !req
129. Are you just
going to wave or what?Copy !req
130. I will have to answer.Copy !req
131. I'll ask you
a question.Copy !req
132. Make it a softball.Copy !req
133. Something he can, like,
crank out of the park.Copy !req
134. Michael Scott, you run
the most profitable branch
of Dunder Mifflin.Copy !req
135. Yeah.
How do you do it?Copy !req
136. No, no, that's too hard.
Say, your name is Zamboni,Copy !req
137. and then I will say,
"Well, we're sort of
on thin ice."Copy !req
138. (LAUGHS)
Uh-oh!Copy !req
139. I won't say that.
I'll say something
like that.Copy !req
140. This is
your big day.
Come on.Copy !req
141. Whoo.
Oh, my God.
This is it.Copy !req
142. Mr. Scott?
Yes.Copy !req
143. I'm Laurie.
Oh, hi.Copy !req
144. Thank you
for joining us.
Come with me.Copy !req
145. Well, thank you.
And please call . . .Copy !req
146. Continue to call me
Mr. Scott.Copy !req
147. (CHUCKLlNG) Okay.Copy !req
148. if you just want to
follow me I'll take you
up to the lounge.Copy !req
149. Well, I guess this is
as far as I can take
you guys, so . . .Copy !req
150. Good luck,
Michael.
See you later.Copy !req
151. Officers. Thank you.Copy !req
152. After you, Mr. Scott.Copy !req
153. Thank you.Copy !req
154. Michael.
Hello.Copy !req
155. So glad you
could make it.
Thank you.Copy !req
156. How was the ride?Copy !req
157. Oh. It was awesome.
Very, very sublime.Copy !req
158. I'm glad. I want
to introduce you
to everyone.Copy !req
159. Okay.
First we'll start
with Alan Brand.Copy !req
160. Alan, CEO.Copy !req
161. Michael Scott,
Branch Manager, Scranton.Copy !req
162. It's nice to
meet you, Michael.
Nice to meet you, too.Copy !req
163. It's an honor
and a privilege.Copy !req
164. Seated, we have
the former congressman,
Chris O'Keefe.Copy !req
165. Your eminence.Copy !req
166. For those of you
with questions,
please line upCopy !req
167. behind one of
the four microphonesCopy !req
168. that have been placed
in the aisles.Copy !req
169. Coming through!
(SHOOlNG)Copy !req
170. Excuse me. Excuse me.
Excuse me. Excuse me.Copy !req
171. (GRUNTS) Damn it!Copy !req
172. What . . . Okay.
(GRUNTlNG)Copy !req
173. I was hoping to lob Michael
a softball question early.Copy !req
174. I wanted to swing by
the Garment District,Copy !req
175. pick up a few crates
of my shirts.Copy !req
176. I got a shirt guy.Copy !req
177. Would you
believe this?Copy !req
178. The money they spent
on this convention hall!Copy !req
179. Excuse me, miss.Copy !req
180. Just want to take this
stupid board of directors
by their necks.Copy !req
181. This is so simple.Copy !req
182. Yeah.
ldiots!Copy !req
183. Well, you should do that.
Get in line.Copy !req
184. Oh, what a great idea,
and lose my job.
No, thank you.Copy !req
185. Look, do you
want to be able to
tell your grandkidsCopy !req
186. you stood up
for yourselfCopy !req
187. during America's
biggest financial crisis?Copy !req
188. How is he going
to have grandkids?Copy !req
189. You guys ever
protect the President?Copy !req
190. No.Copy !req
191. What about Madonna
or Obama twins?
Anybody famous?Copy !req
192. Not supposed to
talk about it.Copy !req
193. Nelly Furtado.Copy !req
194. All right, guys.Copy !req
195. Are you ready?Copy !req
196. Rock and roll.Copy !req
197. Dunder Mifflin is
still a strong company,Copy !req
198. and we are poised
to come through thisCopy !req
199. more streamlined and
profitable than ever.Copy !req
200. This is not as much fun
as I thought it would be.Copy !req
201. It was fun when we weren't
on the brink of bankruptcy.Copy !req
202. (OVER MlC) We're going
bankrupt, you think?Copy !req
203. They are really angry.Copy !req
204. The shareholders
need to empower
our Ieadership...Copy !req
205. I'm just going to
run to the bathroom.Copy !req
206. Will you save my place?
Sure.Copy !req
207. No. He will not.Copy !req
208. Excuse me?Copy !req
209. Oh, I'm sorry. Were you
raised in a household
with no consequences?Copy !req
210. It'll just be a second.Copy !req
211. Oh.Copy !req
212. if onlys and justs
were candies and nutsCopy !req
213. then every day
would be Erntedankfest.Copy !req
214. and we're confident
there are many thingsCopy !req
215. to be optimistic about
in Dunder Mifflin's future.Copy !req
216. And one of them is
here with us today.Copy !req
217. Michael Scott,
Scranton Branch Manager.Copy !req
218. (CLAPPlNG) Yes!Copy !req
219. In these
uncertain times,Copy !req
220. Michael has managed to
maintain steady profitsCopy !req
221. from his Scranton branch.
We all thank you, Michael.Copy !req
222. Another bright spot
in the Dunder Mifflin
Iandscape,Copy !req
223. our new waste pulp
repurposing plant
in Milford.Copy !req
224. Hey, Phyllis, are you
just getting back
from lunch now?Copy !req
225. Mmm. Bob took me
to Capello's.Copy !req
226. We got a little tipsy.Copy !req
227. Okay.Copy !req
228. Shouldn't be
telling me that stuff,Copy !req
229. and also shouldn't be
taking two-hour lunches
without telling me.Copy !req
230. Oh, it's okay.
Michael doesn't really care
about these things.Copy !req
231. I care about them.
And I'm just as much
of a boss as Michael.Copy !req
232. What's so funny?
I'm a co-manager.Copy !req
233. That doesn't
make you a boss.Copy !req
234. It's not like you can
fire people or anything.Copy !req
235. Who . . . How did you . . .
Who told you this?Copy !req
236. We can't say.
Ryan.Copy !req
237. Sorry. I'm plastered.Copy !req
238. Okay, who else
has heard the rumorCopy !req
239. that I am not as much
in charge as Michael?Copy !req
240. Stuff gets around.
I don't participate.Copy !req
241. Who here heard it
from Ryan?Copy !req
242. Does an e-mail count?Copy !req
243. Yes.Copy !req
244. Then, yeah.Copy !req
245. I am just as much
of a boss as Michael,Copy !req
246. and I can do anything
that Michael can do.Copy !req
247. All right?Copy !req
248. Who here believes
that I have as much
power as Michael?Copy !req
249. I forgot I have
to support him,
no matter what.Copy !req
250. Close one.Copy !req
251. These questions
are bush league.Copy !req
252. You should get up
and say something.Copy !req
253. You got to be true
to what's in there.Copy !req
254. Don't be a wuss.Copy !req
255. I've always been the guy
who can rally other people
to rebel.Copy !req
256. In high school
I organized a walkout
over standardized testing.Copy !req
257. Got over 500 students
to just skip the SATs.Copy !req
258. At the last second,
I chickened out,
took it anyway.Copy !req
259. Got a 1220.
Always regretted it.Copy !req
260. I feel lachrymose.Copy !req
261. Believe me, everyone
is working very hard,Copy !req
262. working weekends,
struggling, trying
to right the ship.Copy !req
263. You're criminals!Copy !req
264. Hey, hey, hey, I'm sorry.
These are not criminals.Copy !req
265. They're nice.
They invited me
to come here today.Copy !req
266. They invited me to
their hospitality suite,Copy !req
267. where I had free food
and it was delicious.Copy !req
268. Get this, you know
how nice they are?Copy !req
269. They sent
a stretch limoCopy !req
270. all the way
to pick me up
in Scranton.Copy !req
271. Limousine?
Yes.Copy !req
272. You're all corrupt!
You should be in jail!Copy !req
273. Quiet! Quiet, please!
Please, quiet!Copy !req
274. Quiet, please!
We want to hear
your questions.Copy !req
275. Do you love her,
or do you love
the idea of her?Copy !req
276. I don't know, man.
I just don't know.Copy !req
277. I've got to make
an example out of him.
Should I just fire him?Copy !req
278. Can you actually
fire people?Copy !req
279. To be honest,
I don't know.Copy !req
280. But maybe I could
just yell at him
in front of people.Copy !req
281. Well, I can't
really imagine you
yelling at anyone.Copy !req
282. Oh, I yell.
You've heard me yell.Copy !req
283. Okay. I've
heard you exclaim.Copy !req
284. Like the time you said,
"Hey, look, we parked
over here!"Copy !req
285. Well, that was
apple-picking day.Copy !req
286. There was no need
to yell that day.Copy !req
287. You know,
I was just excited
to find the car.Copy !req
288. Perfect end
to a perfect day.Copy !req
289. Well, you'll
figure it out.Copy !req
290. Okay, we're going to take
a 15-minute break,Copy !req
291. and then we're going to
answer more questions.Copy !req
292. You haven't said
anything yetCopy !req
293. and we're headed
for bankruptcy!Copy !req
294. Yeah!
Yeah!Copy !req
295. Yeah, well,
that's not going to happen.
That's not going to happen.Copy !req
296. We'll be back
with some answers.Copy !req
297. What?
What answers?Copy !req
298. Okay, I know that
you're mad at meCopy !req
299. and you're mad
at all of them...Copy !req
300. How are you going to
fix the company?Copy !req
301. Okay. All right.Copy !req
302. All right.Copy !req
303. We are going
to go out there
during this breakCopy !req
304. and we're going to
come back with a plan.Copy !req
305. We're going to come back
with a plan for you.Copy !req
306. It's a 45-day plan.Copy !req
307. Forty-five days to
get us back on track.Copy !req
308. Forty-five points.Copy !req
309. It's a 45-day, 45-point,
one point per day,Copy !req
310. we get to 45 points,
we're back in business!Copy !req
311. And you can take
that to the bank!Copy !req
312. And, Iimo Iady,Copy !req
313. we are going completely
carbon-neutral!Copy !req
314. I love you, New York!Copy !req
315. You! You!Copy !req
316. Hey, Ryan,
how's it going?Copy !req
317. Here's the thing.Copy !req
318. I've tried it, like,
five different ways
in my head and . . .Copy !req
319. Oh. Got one.
I'm such a perfectionistCopy !req
320. that I'd kind of
rather not do it at all
than do a crappy version.Copy !req
321. Simple data entry, though.
So there's really only
one way to do it.Copy !req
322. Sounds like you have
a really specific
vision for it.Copy !req
323. Do you want to
maybe just take
a whack at it?Copy !req
324. You know what?
What?Copy !req
325. I think I know
the problem.
Great.Copy !req
326. I think
you seem distracted.Copy !req
327. Yep, that is
the problem.Copy !req
328. And you know what,
I came up
with somethingCopy !req
329. that I think is
really gonna help.Copy !req
330. Well, I'm glad
you're finally
being proactive, Jim.Copy !req
331. I am, too.
Let me show you.Copy !req
332. Wow, things are
really picking up.Copy !req
333. What was that about?Copy !req
334. What?Copy !req
335. You were supposed to wave.Copy !req
336. I did wave.
I did a lot more
than wave.Copy !req
337. What are we supposed
to tell them now?Copy !req
338. Okay, you've dug us
quite a hole.Copy !req
339. We tell them the plan.
Right?Copy !req
340. There is no plan.Copy !req
341. Here's what
we're going to do.Copy !req
342. The 45-day thing
that I outlined,
we go with that.Copy !req
343. Day 45, company saved.Copy !req
344. Day 44, go,
what have we got?Copy !req
345. We have 15 minutes.Copy !req
346. Excuse me?Copy !req
347. Just whatever comes
to mind, shout it out.Copy !req
348. Who the hell
is this guy?Copy !req
349. I am the guy
who roused that crowd.Copy !req
350. Yes.
Got them on their feet.Copy !req
351. They were so happy
down there.
Yes. Yes.Copy !req
352. Who cares?Copy !req
353. Okay. All right.Copy !req
354. Well, I know a guy,
this Mexican guy,
he's a math wiz.Copy !req
355. He knows economics
as well as he knows
bullfighting.Copy !req
356. And I am going to
call in a little favor.Copy !req
357. No, no, no.
Don't call anybody, Michael.Copy !req
358. Well, I'm texting him, so.Copy !req
359. Please do not text
anybody now, Michael.Copy !req
360. It's done.Copy !req
361. Oh.Copy !req
362. There he is.
Come on in,
come on in.Copy !req
363. Gentlemen, I would
like you to meet Oscar.Copy !req
364. Come on in,
don't be shy.Copy !req
365. This is Oscar Martinez.Copy !req
366. Oscar, why don't you
come over here?
Let me present you.Copy !req
367. Step up,
step up there.Copy !req
368. Oscar is an accountant
extraordinaire at
the Scranton branch,Copy !req
369. and he has
a wonderful ideaCopy !req
370. as to how to get us
out of this murky,
murky situation.Copy !req
371. Take it away.Copy !req
372. I think this is
really going to help.Copy !req
373. if you could just
hold up here one second.Copy !req
374. Hey, guys, just
a quick announcement.Copy !req
375. if I could have
everyone's attention.Copy !req
376. Just figured you needed
a place where you could
concentrate.Copy !req
377. And not be bothered
by bothering people.Copy !req
378. Okay.Copy !req
379. Let me show you
what I mean.Copy !req
380. Your new office.
How great is that, right?Copy !req
381. For a job well done.
Well, not done.Copy !req
382. I will do my work
right now.Copy !req
383. I will stay
late tonight.
Right.Copy !req
384. I'm very sorry
about everything.
(CHUCKLlNG)Copy !req
385. You're a good kid.
You know what,Copy !req
386. it gets bigger
once you're in there.Copy !req
387. Enjoy it.Copy !req
388. ls there lnternet?Copy !req
389. Tell them
what you told me.
This is genius.Copy !req
390. Tell them about
the cash flowCopy !req
391. and the dumping of
properties and . . .Copy !req
392. This is all good.
It's all good stuff.Copy !req
393. Lay it on them.Copy !req
394. I feel,
as does Mr. Scott,Copy !req
395. that we are in
the best of hands,Copy !req
396. capable hands.Copy !req
397. That wasn't what
you were saying to me.Copy !req
398. He was much more
articulateCopy !req
399. and that was better,
much better.Copy !req
400. I think this
has gone very well
and I thank you.Copy !req
401. Okay.Copy !req
402. (SlGHS) Oh.Copy !req
403. Hey, hey.
What were you doing?Copy !req
404. Michael, I didn't ask
to come up here.Copy !req
405. Wow, man!
What?Copy !req
406. That was embarrassing.Copy !req
407. For me.
For me, too.Copy !req
408. For you and me?
You embarrassed me.Copy !req
409. Well . . .Copy !req
410. That was a waste
of a text.Copy !req
411. Let's get down
to brass tacks.Copy !req
412. I think that we
might be in trouble.Copy !req
413. We don't seem
to have a plan,Copy !req
414. so I'm thinking
I go down there,Copy !req
415. maybe rattle off a few jokes,
congressman can follow.Copy !req
416. He's our best manager?
Where's the off button
on this moron?Copy !req
417. I'm not a moron.Copy !req
418. Time after time,
my branch leads
in sales.Copy !req
419. I have personally won
over 17 Dundie Awards,
so I am not a moron.Copy !req
420. And I'm just trying
to help, you know?
So, you're the moron.Copy !req
421. Yes, it is
a thrill to be honored
by one's company.Copy !req
422. To have the people
that you work for
stop for a minuteCopy !req
423. and say, "Wow, great job!"
That's what it's about.Copy !req
424. He can take the bus.
He's had his limo ride.Copy !req
425. That is what
it is all about.Copy !req
426. Not the perks.
The perks...Copy !req
427. The perks,
I could take or
leave the perks.Copy !req
428. Oscar, Oscar!
Come on!Copy !req
429. But Iimos are for people
who make the company money,Copy !req
430. not lose millions
and have no plan.Copy !req
431. There he is,
there he is!Copy !req
432. So we're leaving early.Copy !req
433. (WHOOPlNG) Go, go, go,
go, go, go, go, go, go!Copy !req
434. Michael!
Oh, yeah!Copy !req
435. After all,
we are the only ones
with anything to celebrate.Copy !req
436. Scranton! Scranton!
Scranton! Scranton!Copy !req
437. Dunder Mifflin!Copy !req
438. The gentleman
in the glasses.Copy !req
439. Dwight Schrute,
Scranton Branch.Copy !req
440. I just want to say that
I have been standing
in this line all day.Copy !req
441. And if this line
is any indicationCopy !req
442. of how this company
is being run,Copy !req
443. then we are
in big trouble.Copy !req
444. Thank you.
Right, I know.Copy !req
445. And I just
want to say thatCopy !req
446. I believe that there
are options out there.Copy !req
447. A take-a-number option,
like they have in a deli.Copy !req
448. What about
line varieties?Copy !req
449. Like an express line
for quick comments
of 10 words or less.Copy !req
450. That could move
much more efficiently.Copy !req
451. What about ropes
along the Iines that
you can hold on to?Copy !req
452. Thank you.Copy !req
453. Thank you for
your suggestions.Copy !req
454. Yes.Copy !req