1. Michael, since it is your fifteenth
anniversary at the company,Copy !req
2. I thought it might be appropriate
to begin the festivitiesCopy !req
3. with a 15-minute
round of applause.Copy !req
4. I like it.Copy !req
5. Followed by a 15-minute
moment of silence.Copy !req
6. I don't know.Copy !req
7. Is it classy enough?Copy !req
8. Jim, enough with
the classy, okay?Copy !req
9. I just feel like after 15
years at this company...Copy !req
10. Bravo, by the way.Copy !req
11. That we should celebrate with a very
classy event, a night to remember.Copy !req
12. I think you're right.Copy !req
13. This party has to have
all the excitement, dramaCopy !req
14. and intrigue of my time here.Copy !req
15. And, of course, classy.Copy !req
16. And classy, yeah.Copy !req
17. Michael, you're just agreeing with
him 'cause he's wearing a tux.Copy !req
18. Don't you see
what he's doing here?Copy !req
19. Last week, Dwight sent out
a memo about the dress code.Copy !req
20. So, this is me showing him that
I'm taking it very seriously.Copy !req
21. Oh! Here's one. A string
quartet playing classical music.Copy !req
22. You know, that's good,
but it's not classy. I need somethingCopy !req
23. classy, like the opening
of a car dealership.Copy !req
24. That's it.Copy !req
25. Or Mr. Peanut.
Yes.Copy !req
26. Mr. Peanut is not classy.
He is.Copy !req
27. He is a regular peanut.Copy !req
28. He just happens to have a cane,
a monocle and a top hat.Copy !req
29. That's what makes him classy.Copy !req
30. Okay, how about this?Copy !req
31. An ice sculpture shaped like youCopy !req
32. covered in chocolate-covered
strawberries.Copy !req
33. Dwight, you're trying too hard,
and that's just not classy.Copy !req
34. See, the thing about classy is,
it's a state of mind.Copy !req
35. Well, I'm sorry.
I just don't know what classy is, then.Copy !req
36. Okay, let's just try
this one on for size,Copy !req
37. and I apologize, 'cause it's
right off the top of my head.Copy !req
38. An ice sculpture of you
completely surroundedCopy !req
39. by a variety of
chocolate-covered fruits.Copy !req
40. Strawberries?Copy !req
41. That's inspired.Copy !req
42. I said that!Copy !req
43. Not classy.Copy !req
44. Not classy at all.Copy !req
45. Declasse.
French!Copy !req
46. Classy.Copy !req
47. Hi, can I help you?Copy !req
48. Yeah, I'm Charles Miner,
here to see Michael Scott.Copy !req
49. Sure, just one second,
please. Have a seat.Copy !req
50. Yes?
Michael,Copy !req
51. there's a Charles Miner
here to see you.Copy !req
52. Miner? I hardly know her!Copy !req
53. Hello?Copy !req
54. Yeah, are you coming out now?Copy !req
55. Uh-huh.Copy !req
56. Well, well, well,
who have we here?Copy !req
57. It is Prince Charles Miner!Copy !req
58. At your service.
Everybody, this is Sir Charles Miner,Copy !req
59. and he is the new VP
for the Northeast region,Copy !req
60. so just give it up
for this big guy, right?Copy !req
61. Give it up!Copy !req
62. Here he is.
There he is.Copy !req
63. Hey. Hi.Copy !req
64. Hi, everyone...Copy !req
65. Wow! Hold that thought.Copy !req
66. You know what? I want everybody
to go into the break room.Copy !req
67. I have a little
surprise for you.Copy !req
68. Go ahead. You, too.Copy !req
69. Dwight, would you escort
our guest in there?Copy !req
70. Come on. Here we go.
Don't be shy.Copy !req
71. Don't be shy, you're one of us.Copy !req
72. Dwight, stall him a
little bit. I have to get the fish.Copy !req
73. Hey.
Yes?Copy !req
74. Really wish you would've told me
the new boss was coming today.Copy !req
75. What? No!
I didn't want to make everybody nervous.Copy !req
76. No, I mean I could've brought
a change of clothes, or...Copy !req
77. You look dynamite.Copy !req
78. What are you talking about?Copy !req
79. Very slick. Okay,
let me get the fish.Copy !req
80. Originally founded in 1866,Copy !req
81. Scranton quickly became
one of Pennsylvania'sCopy !req
82. largest anthracite
coalmining communities.Copy !req
83. Surprise!
There's nothing in here.Copy !req
84. The real surprise is
in the conference room.Copy !req
85. Let's go!Copy !req
86. God! Okay, come on!
Come on!Copy !req
87. I'll finish it up later, but essentially
what we're talking about is...Copy !req
88. Surprise!Copy !req
89. As you can see,
I turned the bagelsCopy !req
90. from O's into C's, for Charles.Copy !req
91. Thank you.
Took me all night.Copy !req
92. This is what you did last night?Copy !req
93. I met this guy at
corporate last week,Copy !req
94. and we were just
digging each other's vibe.Copy !req
95. I was totally grooving on him,
and vice versa.Copy !req
96. And besides,
the last two people to have his jobCopy !req
97. were Jan and Ryan.Copy !req
98. The former was my lover, and the
latter my best friend, so who knows?Copy !req
99. I do.Copy !req
100. It's gonna be mental!Copy !req
101. It's going to be mental.Copy !req
102. Oh, my God, he's like
a black George Clooney.Copy !req
103. Really?
I don't see it.Copy !req
104. I mean, he's okay.
He's not unattractive, he's...Copy !req
105. Hey, how you doing?Copy !req
106. I'm Jim Halpert, from sales.Copy !req
107. Hey.
Just wanted to say,Copy !req
108. if you need anything,
let me know.Copy !req
109. Why are you wearing a tuxedo?Copy !req
110. I didn't think you'd notice.Copy !req
111. It's funny, actually.
There's another salesman out here,Copy !req
112. Dwight Schrute, he sent out this memo,
as he always does,Copy !req
113. and it was about professionalism
in the workplace,Copy !req
114. and of course he singled me out.Copy !req
115. So I just had to mess with him.Copy !req
116. You'd understand if
you read the memo,Copy !req
117. which I should probably get you.Copy !req
118. There's probably
one in the drawer.Copy !req
119. It was pretty crazy.Copy !req
120. But...Copy !req
121. Not more crazy than
wearing a tux at work.Copy !req
122. I'll grant you that,
so I'm gonna...Copy !req
123. Your name's Jim?
Jim Halpert, yep,Copy !req
124. so just gonna let you
get back to it, so...Copy !req
125. He just had to
wear his tux today.Copy !req
126. I thought I'd be funny.Copy !req
127. Took him 40 minutes
to get ready.Copy !req
128. All right, let me introduce
you to some of the troops.Copy !req
129. Accounting, front and center.Copy !req
130. Come on up here.
I'd like you to meet somebody.Copy !req
131. This is
the accounting department.Copy !req
132. Hey. I come
from accounting, too.Copy !req
133. Nerd alert!Copy !req
134. This is Oscar Martinez.
He is Latino,Copy !req
135. and he just got out of a long-term
relationship with a man, Gil,Copy !req
136. who broke his heart, but he didn't
bring any of that into work,Copy !req
137. it did not affect his job
performance whatsoever,Copy !req
138. and I am very proud of himCopy !req
139. for that.Copy !req
140. Hey, Oscar,
it's good to meet you. Good.Copy !req
141. This little hell-raiser
is Angela.Copy !req
142. She has slept with a bunch of
different guys in the office.Copy !req
143. The one over there,
in the orange.Copy !req
144. Heyo!Copy !req
145. Heyo.
Where's the other...Copy !req
146. You know, Michael, I don't need
to know everyone's sexual history.Copy !req
147. Well, perfect,
because we have now arrived at Kevin,Copy !req
148. and he has no sexual history.Copy !req
149. Hey!Copy !req
150. How about I just say hi
to everyone at one time?Copy !req
151. Good! Good, good, good.Copy !req
152. Everyone please give
it up for Charles Miner.Copy !req
153. Thank you, Michael.
Thank you for the C-shaped bagels.Copy !req
154. Well... Above and beyond.
Great. That's great.Copy !req
155. Hey, you know,
we're in tough times,Copy !req
156. and we're not immune
to this economy.Copy !req
157. That's true.
But the goal isCopy !req
158. to, you know,
fight our way through this.Copy !req
159. Stanley Hudson.
Are there going to be layoffs?Copy !req
160. No, absolutely not.Copy !req
161. Hold on, Michael, thank you.Copy !req
162. Stanley, you know,
we can't make any promises,Copy !req
163. but we'll try everything
in our power to avoid that.Copy !req
164. Do you have specifics?Copy !req
165. Well, Michael should have
filled you in last week.Copy !req
166. Well, due to the economy,
there's a lot of worry going around.Copy !req
167. I didn't want to worry people.
Well... You didn't tell them.Copy !req
168. Why don't...Copy !req
169. Yeah, what I told Michael...Copy !req
170. Charles is going to tell you.Copy !req
171. is that we are cutting
3% across the board,Copy !req
172. which means we will
no longer be matchingCopy !req
173. 401 contributions,Copy !req
174. and all overtime
requests will needCopy !req
175. to come through
the corporate office.Copy !req
176. Fantastic.
Well, it's not official.Copy !req
177. It is official.
It is official... Well...Copy !req
178. And actually, guys,
I'm encouraging branchesCopy !req
179. to consider a freeze
on discretionary spending.Copy !req
180. Such as salary benefits,
etcetera, etcetera...Copy !req
181. No, no.Copy !req
182. insurance.
Not salaries.Copy !req
183. Petty cash, supplies and parties.
Things like that.Copy !req
184. Well... No.Copy !req
185. What about your party?Copy !req
186. Okay, okay.
You know what?Copy !req
187. I think this has been great.Copy !req
188. I think this gives us a lot
to think about, doesn't it?Copy !req
189. Charles Miner, ladies and gentlemen.
He has a long trip home.Copy !req
190. Thank you for coming in.
We have to get back to work!Copy !req
191. Michael, I'm going
to stay for the day.Copy !req
192. Oh, no, you don't
have to do that.Copy !req
193. I've got this covered.
This was just a meet and greet.Copy !req
194. No, this is a little
more involved than that.Copy !req
195. I'm gonna set up in here, okay?Copy !req
196. I am thrilled that the new bossCopy !req
197. has taken such
an active interestCopy !req
198. in all of the responsibilities
that I'm supposed to have.Copy !req
199. Thrilled.Copy !req
200. David, it was my understandingCopy !req
201. that I was not
going to be managed.Copy !req
202. What gave you that idea?Copy !req
203. It was my understanding.Copy !req
204. I see.Copy !req
205. Listen, why don't we just
leave that position vacant?Copy !req
206. Truth be told, I think I thriveCopy !req
207. under a lack of accountability.Copy !req
208. Look, Michael,
Charles is very qualified.Copy !req
209. Get to know him.Copy !req
210. I really think the two of you
are going to make a great team.Copy !req
211. But the branch is still mine?Copy !req
212. You're still
the branch manager, yes.Copy !req
213. And if you need anything else at all,
just let Charles know.Copy !req
214. Ask him about the party.Copy !req
215. Right. David, are you coming to
my fifteenth anniversary party?Copy !req
216. I'll give it my
best shot, Michael.Copy !req
217. No, no, no, the other thing.Copy !req
218. Okay. If we hire Cirque Du
Soleil as salaried employees,Copy !req
219. will that help us with
the year-end tax stuff?Copy !req
220. Think he hung up?Copy !req
221. No.Copy !req
222. I just got off the horn with David
Wallace, and he said that you and ICopy !req
223. should try to get to know each
other better, and I agree.Copy !req
224. So, what I would like you
to do is tell me somethingCopy !req
225. that you've never
told anybody before.Copy !req
226. No.Copy !req
227. Come on.
What's your wife's name?Copy !req
228. Where did you work
before you came here?Copy !req
229. Saticoy Steel.Copy !req
230. Beautiful!Copy !req
231. See, African-Americans have such
a rich history of unusual names.Copy !req
232. No, I worked at a company
called Saticoy Steel.Copy !req
233. You're not from paper?
No.Copy !req
234. Does David know this?
Yeah, he knows.Copy !req
235. He just wants a good manager.Copy !req
236. Well, that actually is
an excellent segue into,Copy !req
237. really, what is my only point... Yeah,
what is that?Copy !req
238. and that is,
I don't need to be managed, Charles.Copy !req
239. And if you want to pick up
some tips observing hereCopy !req
240. and take them to the other branches,
it's all good,Copy !req
241. but Jan would mostly come by
when she was super hornyCopy !req
242. and Ryan would come by to visit
his parents and do laundry, so...Copy !req
243. Are we clear?Copy !req
244. That's not how I plan
on doing things.Copy !req
245. Okay, okay.Copy !req
246. Well, I'll just
bounce that off David.Copy !req
247. See what comes back.Copy !req
248. I'll tell David
what he needs to know.Copy !req
249. Sorry.
David wants it this way.Copy !req
250. Whatever David wants.Copy !req
251. Okay.Copy !req
252. Michael Scott calling for David.Copy !req
253. Well, just tell him to call
me ASAP as possible. Thanks.Copy !req
254. Michael, come on, no.
You have to charm them.Copy !req
255. David Wallace's office.Copy !req
256. Hey there, gorgeous.
How you doing today?Copy !req
257. I'm good, thank you.Copy !req
258. How's it hanging?Copy !req
259. All right.Copy !req
260. Good, listen.
My name is MichaelCopy !req
261. Scotch,Copy !req
262. and I just wanted to sayCopy !req
263. that I've got David Wallace's
son in the trunk of my car.Copy !req
264. If he doesn't get on this
phone in five seconds,Copy !req
265. I'm gonna start...Copy !req
266. What are you doing? God!Copy !req
267. Oh, my God.Copy !req
268. David Wallace's office.Copy !req
269. Hi, Stephanie,
it's Michael Scott again.Copy !req
270. I just spoke
with Michael Scotch,Copy !req
271. and the son's
going to be returned.Copy !req
272. Everything's fine.Copy !req
273. Michael...Copy !req
274. And I really, really
need to talk to David.Copy !req
275. Please hold.Copy !req
276. Charles Miner.Copy !req
277. Hello? Hello, who is this?Copy !req
278. Who is this?Copy !req
279. I was never given a name.Copy !req
280. Hi, can I help you?Copy !req
281. I don't think anyone here...Copy !req
282. Pam. Hey, everyone,
lunch is on me today.Copy !req
283. Whoa!Copy !req
284. Wow! That is so unnecessary.Copy !req
285. Are you kidding me with this?Copy !req
286. On the day that
I bring in breakfast?Copy !req
287. Hey, man, it's no big deal.Copy !req
288. I wish you had told us sooner,
because I was going to goCopy !req
289. to the vending machine
and get an egg salad.Copy !req
290. You still have that option.Copy !req
291. Thanks again, Charles.
You're welcome.Copy !req
292. Thank you.Copy !req
293. Nobody thanked me for
breakfast except Charles.Copy !req
294. You say no more parties,Copy !req
295. and then you spend all
of this money on lunch.Copy !req
296. I think it's
a little hypercritical.Copy !req
297. I do this for
every branch I go to.Copy !req
298. If you do not like it,
then I think there are some bagelsCopy !req
299. left over from this morning.Copy !req
300. Damn it, Stephanie,
put me through to him.Copy !req
301. Is that him in the background?
David?Copy !req
302. David.
David, pick up the phone.Copy !req
303. Should I seduce him?Copy !req
304. No. No one
wants to see that.Copy !req
305. Michael.Copy !req
306. Okay. Yep?Copy !req
307. I just realized that
I used the 2008 calendarCopy !req
308. to do the spreadsheets
for January and February.Copy !req
309. I may need to come in
this weekend to fix it.Copy !req
310. Do some overtime.Copy !req
311. Want to do some overtime this weekend?Copy !req
312. You know what, Kevin?Copy !req
313. I applaud your initiative.Copy !req
314. Yes, you may.Copy !req
315. No, sorry, Michael.
No, Kevin, right?Copy !req
316. Gonna need you to do that
during office hours.Copy !req
317. Okay.
Okay. Thank you.Copy !req
318. Kevin, this is my branch.Copy !req
319. You don't ask Charles.
You ask me.Copy !req
320. I say approved.Copy !req
321. That's not the way
it's gonna work.Copy !req
322. Yes, it is.
No, it is not.Copy !req
323. No, it is not.Copy !req
324. Okay, so we're on
the same page, great.Copy !req
325. Okay, so we're on
the same page, great!Copy !req
326. Okay, Michael.
No, seriously.Copy !req
327. Okay, Michael.
No, seriously.Copy !req
328. How old are you?
How old are you?Copy !req
329. Oh, no.Copy !req
330. I can tell Michael's mood by which
comedy routine he chooses to do.Copy !req
331. The more infantile,
the more upset he is.Copy !req
332. And he just skipped the Ace
Ventura talking-butt thing.Copy !req
333. He never skips it.Copy !req
334. This is bad.Copy !req
335. Five years old.
Five years old.Copy !req
336. Dude, stop.Copy !req
337. Michael!
This is great.Copy !req
338. Michael,
stop doing that! This is great.Copy !req
339. a whole mess of trouble.
Stop it!Copy !req
340. I'm going to walk away.Copy !req
341. I'm going to walk away.Copy !req
342. Stop doing that!Copy !req
343. I'm kidding around.
Wow! Relax, everybody.Copy !req
344. It's just a joke.
It's fine.Copy !req
345. Boy, so touchy.
PPC, let's continue our morning meetingCopy !req
346. in the conference room.Copy !req
347. And then out of that cake pops another
stripper holding a smaller cake,Copy !req
348. and then an even smaller
stripper pops out of that one.Copy !req
349. What is that
smaller stripper holding?Copy !req
350. A cupcake.
Nice.Copy !req
351. It's cupcakes and strippers
all the way down.Copy !req
352. Okay.Copy !req
353. What exactly is the PPC?Copy !req
354. That's the Party
Planning Committee.Copy !req
355. They spend hours
planning parties.Copy !req
356. Excuse me, guys.Copy !req
357. What's going on in here?
Party Planning Committee.Copy !req
358. Not your concern, Charles.Copy !req
359. This doesn't seem like a good
way to spend company time.Copy !req
360. Really? Well, then,
how would we come upCopy !req
361. with great ideas
like Jim's? Go ahead.Copy !req
362. No, I would like to get
back to work, actually.Copy !req
363. Please.
- What you got, Jim?Copy !req
364. What is
a two-way petting zoo?Copy !req
365. You pet the animals,
they pet you back.Copy !req
366. It's a great idea.
And we have a cakeCopy !req
367. in the shape of a bale of hay.Copy !req
368. It's really just
a regular-shaped cake...Copy !req
369. But it's cool, and it's...
- No.Copy !req
370. This isn't a good use
of company time, Michael.Copy !req
371. Whoa. You're talking about
my anniversary party, so...Copy !req
372. Okay, everyone except for Michael,
go back to your desks.Copy !req
373. Thank you very much. Yeah,
why don't you do that?Copy !req
374. Yeah, here we go. Okay.
Okay.Copy !req
375. Okay, Michael,
I'm dissolving this committee.Copy !req
376. What?
Yeah, I mean, come on!Copy !req
377. This is a workplace.
It isn't designed for your vanity.Copy !req
378. Newsflash.
I've been here for 15 years.Copy !req
379. Headline. You have
been here one day.Copy !req
380. End of story.Copy !req
381. You have no right to cancel my
fifteenth anniversary party.Copy !req
382. End of story.
End of story! End of story!Copy !req
383. I don't care
if I've hurt your feelingsCopy !req
384. or you do not agree with my methods,
but it is over.Copy !req
385. Okay, no, no, no, you know what?
I'm going to New York,Copy !req
386. and I am going to talk
to David Wallace.Copy !req
387. I'm going to
tell him everything,Copy !req
388. and I'm sorry to say,
you're screwed.Copy !req
389. And you know what?Copy !req
390. You are gonna be through.Copy !req
391. And I'm sorry.
I'm sorry to do that to you.Copy !req
392. Right.Copy !req
393. Do you even know
how paper is made?Copy !req
394. It's not like steel.Copy !req
395. You don't put it into a furnace!Copy !req
396. If you put paper into a furnace,
you know what would happen?Copy !req
397. You'd ruin it!Copy !req
398. Come in.Copy !req
399. Hey!
Hey.Copy !req
400. All right, Charles,
I gotta be honest.Copy !req
401. I think we really got off
on the wrong foot here,Copy !req
402. and, truth be told,
I'm a pretty smart guy and a hard workerCopy !req
403. and I'm a great
number two for the office.Copy !req
404. Number two?Copy !req
405. Second-in-command
to Michael.Copy !req
406. I didn't know that
position existed.Copy !req
407. That's because at first it was
a made-up position for Dwight,Copy !req
408. just to make him feel better.Copy !req
409. Assistant to
the Regional Manager.Copy !req
410. But then he lost that,
and Michael gave it to me.Copy !req
411. So you're the Assistant
to the Regional Manager?Copy !req
412. Assistant
Regional Manager, yeah.Copy !req
413. Any responsibilities
come with it?Copy !req
414. No, not exactly.Copy !req
415. Do you want to keep
this made-up position?Copy !req
416. It's important to you?Copy !req
417. All right, I will...Copy !req
418. I'm just going to let you get
back to it. Yeah, would you...Copy !req
419. Yep.
Thanks.Copy !req
420. Hello, Stephanie.
Okay, where is he?Copy !req
421. Michael.Copy !req
422. So is this the meeting
you've been in all day?Copy !req
423. How did you get here, Michael?Copy !req
424. I drove.Copy !req
425. Okay.Copy !req
426. Cancelled my fifteenth
anniversary party.Copy !req
427. Just pulled the rug
out from under me.Copy !req
428. He said no figs.
I've already bought them,Copy !req
429. and I don't have
a place to store them.Copy !req
430. So I feel like
I've been sort of boned.Copy !req
431. Michael... Did you
talk to him about this?Copy !req
432. You've talked to him
all day, obviously.Copy !req
433. Did you talk to him about this?Copy !req
434. Well, I didn't know about
the figs specifically...Copy !req
435. No, okay, then I don't get it.Copy !req
436. It doesn't make any sense to me,Copy !req
437. because I thought
the new system wasCopy !req
438. that I was supposed
to talk to Charles,Copy !req
439. and then Charles was
supposed to talk to you,Copy !req
440. and that would dilute
any need for meCopy !req
441. to ever talk to you again.Copy !req
442. That's not exactly the system...Copy !req
443. Clearly that's what you wanted.Copy !req
444. No...Copy !req
445. Fifteen years I've been here,Copy !req
446. and I have sacrificed a lot.Copy !req
447. Yes.Copy !req
448. I've put having
a family on hold.Copy !req
449. We didn't ask you to do that.Copy !req
450. And I have never
gone hang-gliding.Copy !req
451. And I've never driven my car
to the top of Mount Washington.Copy !req
452. Okay.Copy !req
453. Nice meeting everyone.
- All right.Copy !req
454. I'll see you in a couple of weeks.
Cool.Copy !req
455. Excellent.Copy !req
456. It was very nice meeting you,
Charles Miner.Copy !req
457. Okay.Copy !req
458. See you.Copy !req
459. See you!Copy !req
460. Bye!Copy !req
461. And for my next trick,
I will make my career disappear.Copy !req
462. I could see our kids
facing obstacles,Copy !req
463. being half black
and half Indian,Copy !req
464. but it's so worth it, you guys.Copy !req
465. There's just me here.Copy !req
466. I am going to get him to
buy me a prime rib tonight.Copy !req
467. I think he left.
What?Copy !req
468. Move!Copy !req
469. Hello? Charles?Copy !req
470. Charles?Copy !req
471. Hey!Copy !req
472. Is that his scarf?Copy !req
473. No!Copy !req
474. Charles and Kelly?
Absolutely not.Copy !req
475. He is a sophisticated man.Copy !req
476. He does not need to go dumpster-diving
for companionship, okay?Copy !req
477. I don't understand that,
after 15 years of service here,Copy !req
478. I have to get in a car and drive to
New York in order to talk to you.Copy !req
479. That doesn't seem right to me.Copy !req
480. That doesn't seem fair,
and I thinkCopy !req
481. that I've earned more than that.Copy !req
482. Yep.Copy !req
483. You're right, yes.
I get it. I get it, Michael.Copy !req
484. Okay.
Here's what I'm gonna do.Copy !req
485. Okay.Copy !req
486. We will move some money around,Copy !req
487. and I will personally see to
it that you have your party,Copy !req
488. you have your figs.
I will be in attendance.Copy !req
489. It's gonna be great.
How's that?Copy !req
490. I quit.Copy !req
491. What?Copy !req
492. Michael.
You have no idea how high I can fly.Copy !req