1. Coat!Copy !req
2. Michael just rented
The Devil Wears Prada.Copy !req
3. He has his Netflix sent
here to the office,Copy !req
4. and he watches them in
pieces when things are slow.Copy !req
5. Steak!Copy !req
6. Where's my steak?Copy !req
7. He's a big Meryl Streep fan,Copy !req
8. so I shouldn't be surprised that
he's identified with her character.Copy !req
9. Get me Armani.Copy !req
10. A suit?Copy !req
11. On the phone.Copy !req
12. Like the main company number?Copy !req
13. 'Cause I'm gonna have to call information.
Where's Armani?Copy !req
14. He's on the phone. Too slow.
You're not going to Paris.Copy !req
15. I'm so much better than you.Copy !req
16. I owe you an apology.Copy !req
17. You finished the movie.Copy !req
18. Yeah. It was awesome.
Big surprise ending.Copy !req
19. Won't ruin it for you.Copy !req
20. No. Go ahead.Copy !req
21. Meryl Streep is the bad guy.
Never see it coming.Copy !req
22. Anyway, if I was mean in
any way to you, I am sorry.Copy !req
23. I just want what's best
for you, minooshka.Copy !req
24. Minooshka.Copy !req
25. Mo cuishle. He's watching
Million Dollar Baby.Copy !req
26. He's gonna try to kill me.Copy !req
27. So this one goes with my eyes,
and this one goes with your eyes.Copy !req
28. People have said I
have very pretty eyes.Copy !req
29. You do.Copy !req
30. I haven't heard the same about you.
So let's just go with mine.Copy !req
31. Well, they both go with the
carpet that I've ordered,Copy !req
32. and if we go with the brown leather on
the sofas then they go with that, too.Copy !req
33. We already have a
sofa so why are...Copy !req
34. A futon's not a sofa.Copy !req
35. It folds up. You've
only seen it flat.Copy !req
36. I know what a futon is, Michael.Copy !req
37. I... Okay. How much
is this gonna cost?Copy !req
38. It costs what it costs.Copy !req
39. No. That doesn't
even mean anything.Copy !req
40. We have gone through this, okay.
We have gone through this.Copy !req
41. Yes. Money has been a little bit tight
lately, but at the end of my life,Copy !req
42. when I'm sitting on my yacht, am I gonna
be thinking about how much money I have?Copy !req
43. No. I'm going to be thinking
about how many friends I have,Copy !req
44. and my children and
my comedy albums.Copy !req
45. I mean, I have a yacht, so I
obviously did pretty well money-wise.Copy !req
46. It's just, you know, you say
it's gonna cost what it...Copy !req
47. Yeah? Michael,
it's Ryan for you.Copy !req
48. Conniving little runt.
Put him through.Copy !req
49. Put him through. Yes?
Ryan, my man.Copy !req
50. I sent you an e-mail
about the new PowerPoint.Copy !req
51. Yes. And thank you for
sending that to me.Copy !req
52. I had IT install the updated
PowerPoint on your computerCopy !req
53. so you can use it
for the presentation.Copy !req
54. I really want people
there using PowerPoint.Copy !req
55. Okay. Yeah. No, I don't know.Copy !req
56. I don't know. I think
those IT guys messed up.Copy !req
57. Hold on. I'll get
them on the phone.Copy !req
58. Wait. No. Here it is. Here it is.
Found it.Copy !req
59. Sure. I can hold.Copy !req
60. Dunder Mifflin. Dwight Schrute.Copy !req
61. Please hold.Copy !req
62. Schrute Farms, Guten Tag.
How can I help you?Copy !req
63. Yes, we have availability on those nights.
How many in your party?Copy !req
64. Oh, no. I'm sorry. No king beds.
No queen either.Copy !req
65. Well, we make our own mattresses that
don't conform to the traditional sizes.Copy !req
66. Closest would be twin.Copy !req
67. Thank you so much for calling.
Call back again. Auf Wiedersehen.Copy !req
68. Hey, Dwight.Copy !req
69. None of your business, Jim.Copy !req
70. You running a bed and breakfast?Copy !req
71. It is not a B&B.Copy !req
72. Agrotourism is a lot more
than a bed and breakfast.Copy !req
73. It consists of tourists coming
to a farm, showing them around,Copy !req
74. giving them a bed,
giving them breakfast.Copy !req
75. Does the Department of
Health know about this?Copy !req
76. I am not telling you anything.Copy !req
77. Permits are pending.Copy !req
78. Dwight Schrute, Dunder Mifflin.Copy !req
79. Hello. I'm looking for a room.Copy !req
80. Okay. This is a misuse
of company phones.Copy !req
81. It says here you
cater to the elderly.Copy !req
82. Where did you read that?Copy !req
83. Trip Advisor.Copy !req
84. Trip Advisor is the lifeblood
of the agrotourism industry.Copy !req
85. A couple of bad reviews there,
you may as well close up shop.Copy !req
86. That's what took
down the Stalk Inn,Copy !req
87. one of the cutest little
asparagus farms you'll ever see.Copy !req
88. How many in your party?Copy !req
89. Two.Copy !req
90. We offer tours of the
fields and of the barn.Copy !req
91. Perhaps you'd be interested in
Mose's table-making demonstration?Copy !req
92. So, I forgot to tell you
that I need the car tonight.Copy !req
93. Oh, actually I need the car.Copy !req
94. Why? For improv?Copy !req
95. Why don't you just pretend
that you have a car?Copy !req
96. Good practice in case you ever do a scene
where you need to pretend you have a car.Copy !req
97. Used to have two cars, traded them in.
Now we're down to one.Copy !req
98. Good economic sense, although
the new car's a Porsche, for her.Copy !req
99. One cardigan.Copy !req
100. One sleeping cardigan.Copy !req
101. One sleep apnea mask.Copy !req
102. What about my cherub figurine?Copy !req
103. You took that with you.Copy !req
104. No. I left it on my night...Copy !req
105. Your night table, by the lamp.Copy !req
106. You are incorrect.Copy !req
107. I was recently scrubbing my room of
memories, and I didn't see it there.Copy !req
108. Fine.Copy !req
109. My girlfriend and I
broke up recently,Copy !req
110. and I must say I am relieved.Copy !req
111. It gives me a chance
to sow my wild oats.Copy !req
112. In the Schrute family,Copy !req
113. we have a tradition where when the
male has sex with another woman,Copy !req
114. he is rewarded with a bag of wild oats
left on his doorstep by his parents.Copy !req
115. You can use those oats to make
oatmeal, bread, whatever you want.Copy !req
116. I don't care. They're your oats.Copy !req
117. The bar uses an applause meter.
That's why it is so importantCopy !req
118. that you all come and applaud only
for my band, Scrantonicity II.Copy !req
119. Not Scrantonicity, which
I am no longer a part of.Copy !req
120. Michael, can I count on you?Copy !req
121. You cannot. I have
a thing tonight.Copy !req
122. Damn it.Copy !req
123. Michael.Copy !req
124. What? That reminds me.Copy !req
125. If the invitation still stands,Copy !req
126. Pam and I would love
to have dinner tonight.Copy !req
127. Oh, no. I have a thing tonight.Copy !req
128. That stinks. Darn it.Copy !req
129. Shoot.Copy !req
130. How about this weekend?
No. Can't.Copy !req
131. We only had tonight free, and we
really wanted to spend it with you.Copy !req
132. Damn it to hell.
Okay, all right.Copy !req
133. What do you got
going on tonight?Copy !req
134. You wouldn't understand.
It's a secret.Copy !req
135. I wouldn't understand
or it's a secret?Copy !req
136. You wouldn't understand, Jim.
It's a secret.Copy !req
137. I'm sorry, Mr. O'Brien. I didn't
mean to interrupt your dinner.Copy !req
138. I just have a very
exciting offer.Copy !req
139. My records indicate that you have
expressed interest in losing some weight.Copy !req
140. Well, what if I told youCopy !req
141. that I have a pill that will make you
50 pounds lighter in five minutes?Copy !req
142. How would that sound?Copy !req
143. Amazing, right?Copy !req
144. Well, it won't be that
fast, but it will...Copy !req
145. It will be that easy.Copy !req
146. I can't believe
this place is real.Copy !req
147. I mean, I've heard about his beet
farm for years, but I never thought...Copy !req
148. The Beets Motel.Copy !req
149. The Beets Motel?Copy !req
150. That is... Wow.Copy !req
151. Thank you.Copy !req
152. The Borscht Hotel.Copy !req
153. The Embassy Beets. Radish Inn.Copy !req
154. How are you doing this?Copy !req
155. I don't know.Copy !req
156. Oh, my gosh.Copy !req
157. I just love sales. I love it to death.
It's as simple as that.Copy !req
158. And I don't get to do enough of it as
a manager, so I took this second jobCopy !req
159. kind of as a hobby.Copy !req
160. Some people have
golf or relaxing...Copy !req
161. What's going on here?Copy !req
162. Hey. I just got off the phone,
and I was gonna make another call.Copy !req
163. We're a legit operation with a
license from the city. I can show you.Copy !req
164. We pay minimum wage
against commission.Copy !req
165. Nope. They're with me, so... This is
Nick Figaro, manager to the stars.Copy !req
166. We have three rooms, each
with a different theme.Copy !req
167. What are the themes?Copy !req
168. America, Irrigation
and Nighttime.Copy !req
169. Irrigation.Copy !req
170. Nice.Copy !req
171. I'll put you down
for Irrigation.Copy !req
172. Now then, do you have any special
needs or dietary restrictions?Copy !req
173. Yes. We will be requiring
a bedtime story.Copy !req
174. No.Copy !req
175. Not even Harry Potter?
No, Jim, come on.Copy !req
176. - But you promised...
- Mose, bags, now.Copy !req
177. Here we are. Irrigation room.Copy !req
178. A very special room. So I'll come get you
before the table-making demonstration.Copy !req
179. And as of this morning, we are completely
wireless here at Schrute Farms,Copy !req
180. but as soon as I find out
where Mose hid all the wires,Copy !req
181. we'll get that power back on.Copy !req
182. All righty.Copy !req
183. Everybody in the conference
room in five minutes.Copy !req
184. These meetings are useless.Copy !req
185. I just want to remind you
to stick to the script.Copy !req
186. It's been proven to work, so...Copy !req
187. Got it?Copy !req
188. Very inspirational.Copy !req
189. We're offering a $50 bonus tonight
to the guy with the most sales, okay?Copy !req
190. Or a woman.Copy !req
191. Or a trained seal.Copy !req
192. You can make jokes when you've
made a sale there, rookie. Okay?Copy !req
193. I'd say one in six.Copy !req
194. What?Copy !req
195. I thought you asked me what our chances
were of being murdered here tonight.Copy !req
196. You know, I just realized this is
Pam's and my first night away together.Copy !req
197. I used to play it
over in my head,Copy !req
198. and it was just a
little bit different.Copy !req
199. Maybe a nice hotel or a
romantic dinner, wine,Copy !req
200. but wine that wasn't
made out of beets.Copy !req
201. Didn't think Dwight
would be involved at all.Copy !req
202. And I always
imagine less manure.Copy !req
203. I mean some manure, just less.Copy !req
204. This is beet food.Copy !req
205. Mose, what are you doing? No, Mose.
Put the manure down.Copy !req
206. Put it down! Do not throw it!
Do not...Copy !req
207. Yes, is Mr. Hudson there?Copy !req
208. Yeah. Who is this?Copy !req
209. Well, I'm just calling because
you responded positively to...Copy !req
210. Michael?Copy !req
211. Stanley?Copy !req
212. Why are you calling
me here at home?Copy !req
213. Señor, are you happy with
your long-distance service?Copy !req
214. Michael, I know that's you. Why
are you calling me here at home?Copy !req
215. Have you...Copy !req
216. Have you considered
satellite television?Copy !req
217. Michael, I know that's you.
I know your voice.Copy !req
218. All right.Copy !req
219. Why are you calling
me here at home?Copy !req
220. When I'm at home, at
night, in my own house,Copy !req
221. in my sweats drinking some red
wine, watching my mystery stories,Copy !req
222. the last thing in the
whole godforsaken worldCopy !req
223. I want to hear is the
voice of Michael Scott.Copy !req
224. Well, your son sounds like
he's really motivated.Copy !req
225. I think it's crazy that the
coach won't play him, frankly.Copy !req
226. My office.Copy !req
227. You bet.Copy !req
228. Just dial the number on the
sheet and stick to the script.Copy !req
229. Say those words exactly, got it?Copy !req
230. I don't know why we have to
keep having this conversation.Copy !req
231. Look, I know sales, and I had that sale.
I just needed a few more minutes to...Copy !req
232. A few more minutes is
a waste of our time.Copy !req
233. It's not a waste of time.
This is a trading game.Copy !req
234. No. Look. You give
a quick pitch,Copy !req
235. you make the sale, you move on.
That's how Vikram does it.Copy !req
236. Vikram doesn't have
my people skills.Copy !req
237. Good for Vikram, because he
outsells you every night.Copy !req
238. No. Well, I hope this
conversation has helped.Copy !req
239. "And Harry saw the white
hand raise its wandCopy !req
240. "and felt Voldermort's
surge of vicious anger.Copy !req
241. "Saw the frail old man on
the floor writhe in agony.Copy !req
242. "'Harry.' It was over as
quickly as it had come.Copy !req
243. "Harry stood shaking
in the darkness,Copy !req
244. "clutching the gate into the
garden, his heart racing."Copy !req
245. What you got tonight?Copy !req
246. It looks like mixed
masala, eggplant and rice.Copy !req
247. Oh, that looks good.Copy !req
248. And what about you? Peanut
butter flavor again?Copy !req
249. I am going with the
vanilla crisp this evening.Copy !req
250. Enjoy.Copy !req
251. Thank you.Copy !req
252. I was a surgeon back home.Copy !req
253. Really? Yeah.Copy !req
254. Wonder what I would
have been back home.Copy !req
255. Well, this is your home.Copy !req
256. I know, but it's so
competitive here.Copy !req
257. What's $1 worth in your land?Copy !req
258. Medical school must have cost like
40 bucks or a donkey or something.Copy !req
259. Uh, no.Copy !req
260. I would have been
chief of surgery.Copy !req
261. Or a cowboy.Copy !req
262. Wait, you're going out there?Copy !req
263. Yeah. Coward.Copy !req
264. Oh, my God. What
century is this?Copy !req
265. You know what, here's the
thing about Die Hard 4.Copy !req
266. Die Hard 1, the original, John McClane
is just this normal guy, you know?Copy !req
267. He's just a normal
New York City copCopy !req
268. who gets his feet cut, and he gets
beat up, but he's an everyday guy.Copy !req
269. In Die Hard 4, he is jumping a
motorcycle into a helicopter in the air.Copy !req
270. Yeah.Copy !req
271. You know? He's invincible.Copy !req
272. It just sort of lost what Die Hard was.
It's not Terminator.Copy !req
273. Dude, you should review movies.Copy !req
274. Oh, my God. Yes.Copy !req
275. I'm telling you. Yeah.
You should.Copy !req
276. I actually wrote a movie.
Really?Copy !req
277. Well, I'm writing one, yeah.Copy !req
278. What's it about?Copy !req
279. Sort of a spy thriller.Copy !req
280. Hey, what's so captivating?Copy !req
281. I love captivating things,Copy !req
282. and this must really be captivating
because it's keeping you off the phones.Copy !req
283. I mean, time is your money. That's
how I know how captivating it isCopy !req
284. because of how much time
you've spent talking.Copy !req
285. Your turn.Copy !req
286. Come in. Did you have
another nightmare?Copy !req
287. Hey, Dwight.Copy !req
288. Oh, Jim.Copy !req
289. I thought you were Mose.Copy !req
290. Does Mose have nightmares?Copy !req
291. Oh, yes. Ever since the storm.Copy !req
292. Is everything satisfactory
with your stay?Copy !req
293. Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
294. Great.Copy !req
295. Just thought I heard crying or
moaning or something in here.Copy !req
296. Oh, well, I'll look into
that in the morning.Copy !req
297. Thank you for bringing that
to the attention of the staff.Copy !req
298. Good night, Dwight.Copy !req
299. Hey, so we're all gonna go out for a beer.
You want to come?Copy !req
300. We'd love for you
to come, Michael.Copy !req
301. Thanks, no. I have to
work in the morning, so...Copy !req
302. All right. Next time, dude.Copy !req
303. Okay. See you guys.Copy !req
304. Hey, how you doing?Copy !req
305. You drive. I had too much wine.Copy !req
306. Okay.Copy !req
307. How was yoga?Copy !req
308. I didn't go. Why?Copy !req
309. Why not? I just didn't.Copy !req
310. Okay.Copy !req
311. How was improv?Copy !req
312. Good night, Vikram. Good night.Copy !req
313. Hey, congrats on the bonus.Copy !req
314. Thank you, Michael.Copy !req
315. I'm gonna nab it
one of these nights.Copy !req
316. Well, if you concentrate and
make your calls faster, yeah.Copy !req
317. Good night. Good night.Copy !req
318. Michael. Mmm.Copy !req
319. Morning. Hi.Copy !req
320. Hey, Dwight. How are you?Copy !req
321. Pam.Copy !req
322. You okay?Copy !req
323. I am better than you have
ever been or ever will be.Copy !req
324. Hey, guys. What's happening?
How's my favorite branch doing?Copy !req
325. Okay, Michael, why
don't you start us off?Copy !req
326. Um...Copy !req
327. That wasn't much
of an introduction.Copy !req
328. Ladies and gentlemen,
your boss, Michael Scott.Copy !req
329. Oh, still lame. Okay.Copy !req
330. All right.Copy !req
331. Thank you, Ryan, for that
wonderful introduction.Copy !req
332. Okay, today we're
going to be talkingCopy !req
333. about PowerPoint.Copy !req
334. PowerPoint. PowerPoint.
PowerPoint.Copy !req
335. Yes, I forgot about Ryan's presentation,
and yes, it would have been niceCopy !req
336. to do well with the first
presentation that he had given me.Copy !req
337. But you know what else
would have been nice?Copy !req
338. Winning the lottery.Copy !req
339. And the best way to
start is to hit "Start,"Copy !req
340. and up comes the tool
bar, that's what she said.Copy !req
341. What we have to do
here is go to "Run,"Copy !req
342. and then you look
up to "PowerPoint."Copy !req
343. And we are in.Copy !req
344. We are going to register.
You hit "Register."Copy !req
345. Updates are ready.
I should update.Copy !req
346. "Estimated time 12 minutes."Copy !req
347. So this should take
about five or 10 minutes.Copy !req
348. Is this the first time
you've opened PowerPoint?Copy !req
349. Why?Copy !req
350. You didn't prepare a
presentation at all, did you?Copy !req
351. No. I had a really rough night,
and my boss can back me up on that.Copy !req
352. I'm your boss.Copy !req
353. My other boss, Mr. Figaro.Copy !req
354. You have another job?Copy !req
355. What I do between 5:30 p.m. And 1:00 a.m.
Is nobody's business but mineCopy !req
356. and my other business'.Copy !req
357. Are you a cocktail waitress?Copy !req
358. You cannot have a second jobCopy !req
359. if it affects your work here.
It won't.Copy !req
360. It did already.Copy !req
361. Okay, honestly,Copy !req
362. it is unlikely that I was
gonna figure this out anyway.Copy !req
363. You're so funny.Copy !req
364. Why is Darryl here?Copy !req
365. He works in the warehouse.Copy !req
366. I invited him.Copy !req
367. It's not a party. Darryl, back downstairs.
This isn't information you need.Copy !req
368. This information here, yeah,
you're right, I don't need this.Copy !req
369. Okay.Copy !req
370. Hey, come on.Copy !req
371. See you later tonight.Copy !req
372. I got plans later.Copy !req
373. Okay. Bye, honey.Copy !req
374. How long until you actually
get this presentation ready?Copy !req
375. Why don't you do the presentation?
Honestly...Copy !req
376. Because I don't want...
I mean, you know how to do it.Copy !req
377. What I really want, honestly,
Michael, is for you to know itCopy !req
378. so that you can communicate
it to the people here,Copy !req
379. to your clients, to whomever.Copy !req
380. Okay.Copy !req
381. What?Copy !req
382. It's whoever, not whomever.Copy !req
383. No, it's whomever.Copy !req
384. No. Whomever is
never actually right.Copy !req
385. Well, sometimes it's right.Copy !req
386. Michael is right. It's a made-up
word used to trick students.Copy !req
387. No. Actually whomever is the
formal version of the word.Copy !req
388. Obviously it's a real word, but I
don't know when to use it correctly.Copy !req
389. Not a native speaker.
I know what's right,Copy !req
390. but I'm not gonna sayCopy !req
391. because you're all jerks who
didn't come see my band last night.Copy !req
392. Do you really know
which one is correct?Copy !req
393. I don't know.Copy !req
394. It's whom when it's the object of a
sentence and who when it's the subject.Copy !req
395. That sounds right. Well,
it sounds right, but is it?Copy !req
396. How did Ryan use it? As an object?
As an object.Copy !req
397. Ryan used me as an object.Copy !req
398. Is he right about that?Copy !req
399. How did he use it again?Copy !req
400. It was Ryan wanted Michael, the subject, to
explain the computer system, the object...Copy !req
401. Thank you. ... to
whomever, meaning us,Copy !req
402. the indirect object, which is
the correct usage of the word.Copy !req
403. No one asked you anything, ever.
So whomever's name is Toby,Copy !req
404. why don't you take a letter
opener and stick it in your skull?Copy !req
405. Hey, this doesn't matter,
and I don't even care.Copy !req
406. Michael, you quit the other
job or you're fired here.Copy !req
407. I've never done this before.Copy !req
408. I have never quit
anything in my life.Copy !req
409. So you are filming history.Copy !req
410. Nick, I had a dream last night
that I had two full-time jobs.Copy !req
411. One here at the lipaphadrazone
diet pill company.Copy !req
412. Lipophedrine. And in the other,Copy !req
413. I was a regional manager of a small paper
supply company called Dunder Mifflin.Copy !req
414. Never heard of it.Copy !req
415. In this dream,Copy !req
416. I did both of these jobs beautifully
and I loved it and everybody loved me.Copy !req
417. The truth is, I can't do this.Copy !req
418. Are you quitting?Copy !req
419. I am.Copy !req
420. Come back anytime. Don't forget
to disinfect your headset.Copy !req
421. I was never in
this for the money.Copy !req
422. But it turns out that the money
was an absolute necessity for me.Copy !req
423. I tried to live the dream, I
tried to have a job, a girlfriend,Copy !req
424. another job, and I failed.Copy !req
425. But the good thing about the American
dream is that you can just go to sleepCopy !req
426. and try it all again
the next night.Copy !req
427. So...Copy !req
428. What's up?Copy !req
429. Me. All night.Copy !req
430. Dreaming about Angela's
smoking hot body.Copy !req
431. You're being gross.Copy !req
432. Not from a male perspective.Copy !req
433. You need to set me up with her.
I know she told you that she's looking,Copy !req
434. and she's totally not
responding to my moves.Copy !req
435. What moves?Copy !req
436. I have moonwalked past
accounting like 10 times.Copy !req
437. I can't believe
that's not working.Copy !req
438. Yeah.Copy !req
439. Um...Copy !req
440. I don't know if I really
see you two together.Copy !req
441. Really? Well, maybe you should look
in the smart part of your brain.Copy !req
442. She's very religious.Copy !req
443. Okay, well, I come from a line of
WASPs so long it leads back to Moses.Copy !req
444. Okay, well, she takes her convictions pretty
seriously. She can be kind of severe.Copy !req
445. Yeah, and I punched
a hole in a wall.Copy !req
446. That's right. You did. Yeah.Copy !req
447. Now that I think about it, Angela and
Andy might actually make a good couple.Copy !req
448. But I couldn't do
that to Dwight.Copy !req
449. Or Angela.Copy !req
450. Or Andy.Copy !req
451. Hey, Kevin, you're
a gambler, right?Copy !req
452. A rounder? You play the
ponies, small horses?Copy !req
453. I do gamble, Michael.Copy !req
454. Yeah. I was thinking about
doing some gambling myself.Copy !req
455. You know, just a
little bit of money.Copy !req
456. Maybe doubling it, then
doubling it several more times.Copy !req
457. I don't know, kind
of just for fun.Copy !req
458. I was thinking, do you have any
tips or ideas about sure things?Copy !req
459. Like a boxerCopy !req
460. who is gonna throw
the big fight?Copy !req
461. You know, like he's tied
into some crooked dealingsCopy !req
462. and maybe his kid is sick or something?
Like, who do I call about that?Copy !req
463. The mob.Copy !req
464. Do you know anybody in the mob?Copy !req
465. Okay.Copy !req
466. Oscar,Copy !req
467. I'm gonna need to take
another advance on my salary.Copy !req
468. What do you mean you
have plans tonight?Copy !req
469. I have my daughter tonight.
We're renting Charlotte's Web.Copy !req
470. Well, you have to make a choice.Copy !req
471. It's either your daughter or me.Copy !req
472. My daughter.Copy !req
473. Okay.Copy !req
474. That's how it is.Copy !req
475. Oops!Copy !req
476. That was cold.Copy !req
477. He's always been
terrible with money.Copy !req
478. I bet it's Jan spending him
straight to the poorhouse.Copy !req
479. Yeah. Women be shopping.Copy !req
480. I can't believe he
has a second job.Copy !req
481. He's not even good
at his first one.Copy !req
482. Hey, guys.Copy !req
483. Shh.Copy !req
484. What you talking about?Copy !req
485. Okay. I know what's going on.
You're talking about Jim and Pam,Copy !req
486. if they're having sex,Copy !req
487. what it looks like, and I think...
Michael.Copy !req
488. Hey, hey, hey.Copy !req
489. Michael, are you
having money problems?Copy !req
490. Monkey problems? No, I'm
not having monkey problems.Copy !req
491. Why would I have
monkey problems?Copy !req
492. I know you heard me correctly.Copy !req
493. Oh, I hate monkeys.Copy !req
494. What's going on? Why do
you have a second job?Copy !req
495. I don't have a second job.Copy !req
496. Maybe I am having an
affair with Suzanne Somers.Copy !req
497. Doesn't Jan have money?Copy !req
498. I don't talk to my
girlfriend about money.Copy !req
499. It is rude and unsexual.Copy !req
500. True.Copy !req
501. It's best to hide our
money problems from women.Copy !req
502. I totally agree with you, but
I don't have money problems.Copy !req
503. All right, you know what?
Watch this.Copy !req
504. If I had money problems,
would I do this?Copy !req
505. Well...Copy !req
506. You just put it
back in your pocket.Copy !req
507. Yeah.Copy !req
508. Yeah, but I destroyed it.
It's not even useable anymore.Copy !req
509. Hey, let's call this what it is.Copy !req
510. It's like she only wants to
hook up when Ryan comes around.Copy !req
511. It's gotten to the point
where I get excitedCopy !req
512. every time I see that little
dude walk through the door.Copy !req
513. Well, I just need to
know where this is going.Copy !req
514. Hey, I like you.Copy !req
515. All right?Copy !req
516. What's not to like?Copy !req
517. But you need to access
your un-crazy side.Copy !req
518. Otherwise maybe this
thing has run its course.Copy !req
519. Don't you dare walk away
from me, Darryl Philbin.Copy !req
520. You are the most selfish personCopy !req
521. I have ever met in my entire...Copy !req
522. Slow down. Think it over.Copy !req
523. Darryl Philbin is the most
complicated man that I've ever met.Copy !req
524. I mean, who says exactly
what they're thinking?Copy !req
525. What kind of game is that?Copy !req
526. Hey, cuz. Heard you're
having money problems.Copy !req
527. No, you didn't.Copy !req
528. Listen, I got the answer.Copy !req
529. You declare bankruptcy,
all your problems go away.Copy !req
530. Creed Bratton has never
declared bankruptcy.Copy !req
531. When Creed Bratton
gets in trouble,Copy !req
532. he transfers his debt to
William Charles Schneider.Copy !req
533. How would that help, Creed? In
Monopoly, you go bankrupt, you lose.Copy !req
534. You don't go by Monopoly, man.
That game is nuts.Copy !req
535. Nobody just picks up Get
Out of Jail Free cards.Copy !req
536. Those things cost thousands.Copy !req
537. That is a good point.Copy !req
538. Bankruptcy, Michael,
is nature's do-over.Copy !req
539. It's a fresh start.
It's a clean slate.Copy !req
540. Like the witness
protection program.Copy !req
541. Exactly. Not at all.Copy !req
542. I've always wanted to be in
the witness protection program.Copy !req
543. Fresh start. No
debts, no baggage.Copy !req
544. I've already got my name picked
out, Lord Rupert Everton.Copy !req
545. I'm a shipping merchant
who raises fancy dogs.Copy !req
546. That's the life.Copy !req
547. I declare bankruptcy!Copy !req
548. Hey. I just wanted you to knowCopy !req
549. that you can't just say the word
bankruptcy and expect anything to happen.Copy !req
550. I didn't say it. I declared it.Copy !req
551. Still. That's not anything.Copy !req
552. This is a lot of
credit card debt.Copy !req
553. Yeah. Tell me about it.Copy !req
554. You know, Jan has my credit cards, and
she's using them as if I'm made of money.Copy !req
555. She thinks I'm a
human ATM machine.Copy !req
556. Okay, $125 at Amazon.Copy !req
557. Oh, best of The Muppet Show on DVD.
Classic.Copy !req
558. $1,200. What's a
Core Blaster Extreme?Copy !req
559. That is by far the best way
to strengthen your core.Copy !req
560. This machine, you sit on a stabilizer ball,
you put your feet into the power stirrups,Copy !req
561. you reach up and you
grab onto the super rod,Copy !req
562. and you twist and you twist and you twist.
It strengthens your entire core,Copy !req
563. your back core, your
arm core, your...Copy !req
564. The Marine Corps actually uses it.
I think that's how they got corps.Copy !req
565. I left a little
present for Angela.Copy !req
566. I think she's going to like itCopy !req
567. 'cause I found it outside
Vance Refrigeration all alone,Copy !req
568. and I told her in the note
that the cat came to find her,Copy !req
569. that they were destined
to be together.Copy !req
570. I got game.Copy !req
571. Okay, the green bar is what you
spend every month on stuff you need,Copy !req
572. like a car and a house.Copy !req
573. That's so cool how you
have my name at the top.Copy !req
574. The red bar is what you
spend on non-essentials,Copy !req
575. like magazines, entertainment.
Right.Copy !req
576. Things like that.Copy !req
577. This scary black bar is what you spend
on things that no one ever, ever needs,Copy !req
578. like multiple magic sets,
professional bass fishing equipment.Copy !req
579. How did you do this so fast?
Is this PowerPoint?Copy !req
580. Oh, man.Copy !req
581. Angela really had a hold on him.
Angela.Copy !req
582. Michael, I'm gonna set you and
Jan up with a debt consolidator.Copy !req
583. You meet with this guy...
No. No.Copy !req
584. We are going to leave
Jan out of this.Copy !req
585. She has to know.Copy !req
586. We will find another way.Copy !req
587. We'll ask PowerPoint.Copy !req
588. Michael, this is a
presentation tool.Copy !req
589. You're a presentation tool if you
think I'm gonna tell Jan about this.Copy !req
590. I'm done. No, you're not...
Okay. Just...Copy !req
591. You're not a tool. Look,
we'll tell her that it's bad,Copy !req
592. but it could have been a lot worse, but
due to some fancy financial footwork,Copy !req
593. I was able to cut it in half.Copy !req
594. Jan is smart.Copy !req
595. She poses.Copy !req
596. Dwight, how's the
hotel business?Copy !req
597. Stupid.Copy !req
598. Have you checked Trip
Advisor recently?Copy !req
599. No.Copy !req
600. Maybe you should.Copy !req
601. Maybe you should... Whatever.Copy !req
602. We wrote a good review.
Under "Comments," we wrote,Copy !req
603. "The natural aroma of the
beets drifts into the bedroomsCopy !req
604. "and makes you dream
of simpler times."Copy !req
605. "The dawn goose walk will
tug at your heart strings."Copy !req
606. "Table-making never
seemed so possible."Copy !req
607. "You will never want
to leave your room."Copy !req
608. "The architecture reminds one
of a quaint Tuscan beet farm."Copy !req
609. I'm glad you enjoyed your stay.Copy !req
610. We really did. It was fun.Copy !req
611. So due to Michael's clever
financial maneuvering,Copy !req
612. he finds himself
tremendously in debt.Copy !req
613. You're broke?Copy !req
614. How did you get that
from what Oscar said?Copy !req
615. How... I mean, Michael,
how did this happen?Copy !req
616. Where exactly did your money go?Copy !req
617. I don't... I don't get this.
I really don't. I don't...Copy !req
618. I don't understand how you
could be so irresponsible.Copy !req
619. I mean, it is astounding
to me, really.Copy !req
620. I don't know what more
to say, it's just...Copy !req
621. Jan?Copy !req
622. Yeah? What? Michael left.Copy !req
623. Okay. Where did he go?Copy !req
624. I don't know.Copy !req
625. Well, is he coming right back?Copy !req
626. I don't think so.Copy !req
627. I'll be right there.Copy !req
628. What am I doing? I
am blowing Dodge.Copy !req
629. I'm getting out of town.Copy !req
630. Whatever you call it, I am running
away from my responsibilities.Copy !req
631. It feels good.Copy !req
632. You may ask me out to dinner.Copy !req
633. Nothing fancy or foreign. No bars, no
patios, no vegetables and no seafood.Copy !req
634. Dwight?Copy !req
635. Did I ever tell you
why I left Scranton?Copy !req
636. Yeah, I didn't think I had.Copy !req
637. Well, it was all about Pam.Copy !req
638. Yeah. I mean, she was with Roy,Copy !req
639. and I just couldn't take it.Copy !req
640. I mean, I lost it, Dwight.Copy !req
641. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't
concentrate on anything.Copy !req
642. And weird stuff, like
food had no taste.Copy !req
643. So my solution was to move away.Copy !req
644. It was awful.Copy !req
645. And it is something that I
wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.Copy !req
646. And that includes you.Copy !req
647. Hey, I was thinking
about dinner, we...Copy !req
648. Dinner. Let's see,
maybe we should tryCopy !req
649. the new Italian place where
the dry cleaner used to be.Copy !req
650. Okay. Yeah?Copy !req
651. Yeah. Okay.Copy !req
652. Jim's just really passionate
about Italian food.Copy !req
653. Yeah. I'm very passionate
about Italian food.Copy !req
654. In fact, I'm in love
with Italian food.Copy !req
655. Jan, he went running that way.Copy !req
656. Okay, great. Thanks.Copy !req
657. Runaway train, never coming backCopy !req
658. Run away and I'm
never coming backCopy !req
659. Michael?Copy !req
660. Hey, Jan.Copy !req
661. What's going on?Copy !req
662. Not much. What's up with you?Copy !req
663. Well, why are you
sitting on a train?Copy !req
664. Where are you going?Copy !req
665. I am out of answers, Jan.Copy !req
666. What does that mean?Copy !req
667. I told you. No more answers.Copy !req
668. This is who I am now.Copy !req
669. A guy on a train
with no answers.Copy !req
670. I hope that can
be enough for you.Copy !req
671. Michael, come on.Copy !req
672. Running away from your
problems won't solve anything.Copy !req
673. You know that.
I don't know that.Copy !req
674. Your creditors can follow
you anywhere with ease.Copy !req
675. Your debt follows you around
the world, electronically.Copy !req
676. I'll stay off the grid.Copy !req
677. Michael, come on.Copy !req
678. Come on. You can deal with this.
It's not that bad.Copy !req
679. Yeah, it is.Copy !req
680. It is. I really messed up.Copy !req
681. Well...Copy !req
682. When...Copy !req
683. When my life fell apart and
they screwed me in New YorkCopy !req
684. and I felt like my whole world was
collapsing around me, I didn't have anyone.Copy !req
685. I mean, my whole family still won't even
talk to me on the advice of counsel,Copy !req
686. and my friends were just
waiting for this to happen.Copy !req
687. That's really nice
of you to say.Copy !req
688. Michael, no. What I want to
say is you were there for me,Copy !req
689. by my side,Copy !req
690. without even a thought.Copy !req
691. That's just who you are.Copy !req
692. I mean, no matter
how badly I treat youCopy !req
693. or what I'm going through, you just...
You are there for me,Copy !req
694. and that is a guy
worth staying beside.Copy !req
695. So where is this
train taking us?Copy !req
696. I...Copy !req
697. I think the engineer left.Copy !req
698. Hello, this is Dwight Schrute
calling from Dunder Mifflin,Copy !req
699. and according to our records, you
appear to be low on office supplies.Copy !req
700. Okay. Sure. Yeah. I can
take care of that right now.Copy !req
701. Don't sell your
implants, please.Copy !req
702. I'm keeping them.
I know you like them.Copy !req
703. They're kind of
uncomfortable, though.Copy !req
704. It's nice, though. Looks cute.
Kind of painful,Copy !req
705. and my nipples aren't as sensitive now.
Looks cute, though.Copy !req