1. Hello, this is Dwight Schrute.Copy !req
2. - Hello?
- Hello, this is Dwight.Copy !req
3. Hello? Hello?Copy !req
4. Yes, we do have that.
Hold on one second.Copy !req
5. - Jim what are you doing?
- And how many would you like?Copy !req
6. - Hang that up right now.
- I can get that out to you immediately.Copy !req
7. It's an imposter. Don't do business
with him, this is not Dwight Schrute.Copy !req
8. Dwight left his cell phone on his desk.Copy !req
9. So, naturally,
I paired it to my headset.Copy !req
10. Okay, fine,
I'll just let it go to voice mail.Copy !req
11. - Hello, this is Dwight.
- Hey, is this Dwight?Copy !req
12. - Yes, it is.
- Oh, my goodness, you sound sexy.Copy !req
13. Thank you. I've been working out.Copy !req
14. You're not talking to Dwight right now.
You're talking to Jim.Copy !req
15. Pam, I'm over here.Copy !req
16. I'm confused.Copy !req
17. Disconnect that right now.Copy !req
18. - You give me your earpiece.
- I can't do that. Unsanitary.Copy !req
19. You know what, fine.Copy !req
20. I will reprogram my phone
to go to my office phone.Copy !req
21. Done.Copy !req
22. This is Dwight.Copy !req
23. And I forwarded
his desk phone to mine.Copy !req
24. Oh, hello, mater.
Good news, I've married. Tell fater.Copy !req
25. Such a nice woman.Copy !req
26. TodayCopy !req
27. is Toby Flenderson's last day.Copy !req
28. I couldn't sleep last night.Copy !req
29. I came in extra early.Copy !req
30. So much energy.Copy !req
31. There are certain days that you know
you'll remember the rest of your life.Copy !req
32. And I just have a feeling
that today is one of those days.Copy !req
33. - Morning.
- Mornin'.Copy !req
34. So here we go.
Just a matter of hours nowCopy !req
35. until his horribleness
has left the building.Copy !req
36. I'm going to set my watch alarm...Copy !req
37. And...Copy !req
38. Good morning, Kelly.Copy !req
39. I can't believe this is your last day.
How do you feel?Copy !req
40. Fine. Good.Copy !req
41. I feel weird.Copy !req
42. First thing on the agenda.
Actually, the only thing on the agendaCopy !req
43. is that status
of Toby's going away party.Copy !req
44. We have a buttercream cake
and a slide show of Toby.Copy !req
45. But so far we only have
two pictures of him.Copy !req
46. Okay, well, this will not do.Copy !req
47. Toby is going away forever,Copy !req
48. and we need to do something
very, very special.Copy !req
49. In some cultures, when somebody leaves,
like New Orleans culture,Copy !req
50. they have a parade,
and they have a band.Copy !req
51. And people party in the streets.Copy !req
52. Do you mean leaves as in dies?Copy !req
53. You want us to throw Toby
a New Orleans funeral?Copy !req
54. If the devil were to explode,Copy !req
55. and evil were gone forever,
what sort of party would you have?Copy !req
56. - Michael...
- Like a beach blowout?Copy !req
57. - Or a toga...
- No, you know... No!Copy !req
58. - Toga!
- You always do this.Copy !req
59. We have a nice,
modest party planned,Copy !req
60. and you come in
and demand the world.Copy !req
61. Let me be clear.Copy !req
62. There is simply no money
for anything other than a cake,Copy !req
63. and to develop a few more slides.Copy !req
64. Although Toby won't be in them.Copy !req
65. I thought that you might say that.Copy !req
66. Every year, my sweet,
sweet grandmotherCopy !req
67. sends me a check
on my birthday for $50.Copy !req
68. And lately she has been...Copy !req
69. sending me, like,
nine or ten checks a year.Copy !req
70. As Nana starts to...Copy !req
71. But I knew I should be
saving it for something.Copy !req
72. I just didn't know what
I should be saving it for.Copy !req
73. And then I had an awakening.Copy !req
74. Michael, buy a motorcycle.Copy !req
75. So I put the money in my shoe,
and then I forgot about it until now.Copy !req
76. I want a party that makes me feel
like I'm flying through the airCopy !req
77. without this...
ugly weight holding me down.Copy !req
78. You know?Copy !req
79. I want an antigravity machine.
I saw it in a movie.Copy !req
80. You drink a potion, and then you just
start floating all around.Copy !req
81. So how much antigravity potion
do you want?Copy !req
82. No, you know what? This is not
a party-planning committee anymore.Copy !req
83. And I don't want your foot money,
and I feel uncomfortable participating.Copy !req
84. Phyllis.Copy !req
85. Can you do this?Copy !req
86. Yes.Copy !req
87. - Hi, can I help you?
- Hi, yes.Copy !req
88. I'm Holly Flax.
I was told to ask for Mr. Flenderson.Copy !req
89. As part of my last day,Copy !req
90. I'm training the new human resources rep
in the ways of the company.Copy !req
91. Again, the company
has allotted for this training...Copy !req
92. one day.Copy !req
93. So this is H.R.
This is your desk.Copy !req
94. I love the view.Copy !req
95. Yeah, it's great, isn't it?Copy !req
96. Hey.Copy !req
97. Hey.Copy !req
98. What?Copy !req
99. Guess who just got into
the Pratt school of design.Copy !req
100. No way!Copy !req
101. What'd I say?
I said that they'd love those sketches.Copy !req
102. - Congrats.
- Oh, thank you.Copy !req
103. I don't know why I doubted it.
Because I'm so clearly awesome.Copy !req
104. Yes.
So when do you start?Copy !req
105. I didn't read it carefully. I just saw
"congratulations," and skimmed the list.Copy !req
106. I saw my name, I came in here
to tell you and get a snack.Copy !req
107. Busy morning.Copy !req
108. So...Copy !req
109. you know, it means I have
to go to New York for three months.Copy !req
110. It's not a big deal.
I'll come visit you.Copy !req
111. And you'll visit me.
It's only two hours away. It'll be fine.Copy !req
112. - It's gonna suck, but it'll be great.
- Yeah, it sucks, but it'll be great.Copy !req
113. See how easy that is?Copy !req
114. I wouldn't go if things
weren't so solid with Jim.Copy !req
115. And down the road, if we have a family,
I couldn't go then either.Copy !req
116. So the timing's perfect.Copy !req
117. And that is the first time I've ever
used the word "perfect" in here.Copy !req
118. Hey, Stanley.Copy !req
119. I want to introduce you to...Copy !req
120. Toby's replacement.Copy !req
121. So what do we know about her?Copy !req
122. Well, we know that Toby thinks
she'll be great.Copy !req
123. Oh, strike one. I hate her already.Copy !req
124. I hate her too.Copy !req
125. Why do you hate her?Copy !req
126. Because she...Copy !req
127. stinks...Copy !req
128. with her ways and her...Copy !req
129. head.Copy !req
130. You know, Dwight, sometimes...Copy !req
131. I don't know, I think you say things
just to agree with me.Copy !req
132. - Would that be such a bad thing?
- Yeah, it would.Copy !req
133. Just have a thought.
Have an original thought!Copy !req
134. Although I will agree
that her head is weird.Copy !req
135. - You know what we need to do?
- What?Copy !req
136. - We need to sell her an elevator pass.
- But our elevator doesn't require a...Copy !req
137. Exactly.Copy !req
138. A little old-fashioned hazing.Copy !req
139. Hi, are there any local companies
that rent antigravity machines?Copy !req
140. - Antigravity machines?
- That's right, yeah.Copy !req
141. What do they do, exactly?Copy !req
142. They make you feel lighter.Copy !req
143. Antigravity...Copy !req
144. Antidepressant? I could
put you through to someone on that.Copy !req
145. Okay.Copy !req
146. Yeah.Copy !req
147. - Hey, Michael?
- Oh, hey, do you still work here?Copy !req
148. I'd like to introduce you
to my replacement.Copy !req
149. - Come on.
- No. I think I'll pass.Copy !req
150. Michael Scott, this is Holly.Copy !req
151. - Hi.
- Hi, yeah, right.Copy !req
152. Okay, well,
they hired a female Toby.Copy !req
153. Good for the world.
Thank you, god, for...Copy !req
154. creating two of you.
Here's how things work here.Copy !req
155. My job is to make the office fun,
your job is to make the office lame.Copy !req
156. And we have an eternal struggle,Copy !req
157. you and I.Copy !req
158. And only one of us can be the winner.
Spoiler alert... I'm gonna win.Copy !req
159. Man, someone doesn't like H.R.Copy !req
160. Yeah.Copy !req
161. - What did you do to him?
- Nothing.Copy !req
162. T...
No, he tortured me...Copy !req
163. with his awfulness.Copy !req
164. Yeah, I know what you mean.Copy !req
165. I nearly fell asleep
when he gave me a tour of the files.Copy !req
166. Well, look,
I'll let you get back to work,Copy !req
167. but I really look forward
to working with you, Mr. Scott.Copy !req
168. You can p...
Michael.Copy !req
169. Thanks to Toby,
I have a very strong prejudiceCopy !req
170. against human resources.Copy !req
171. I believe that the department is
a breeding ground for monsters.Copy !req
172. What I failed to consider, though,
is that not all monsters are bad.Copy !req
173. Like E.T.Copy !req
174. Is Holly our extraterrestrial?Copy !req
175. Maybe.Copy !req
176. Or maybe she's just
an awesome woman from this planet.Copy !req
177. - The pleasure is all mine.
- Oh, thanks.Copy !req
178. I'm really looking forward to sitting
down with you and finding out moreCopy !req
179. - about what you do here.
- Any time.Copy !req
180. What do you do here?Copy !req
181. Excuse me.Copy !req
182. What is wrong with this woman?Copy !req
183. She's asking about stuff
that's nobody's business.Copy !req
184. What do I do?Copy !req
185. Really, what do I do here?
I should have written it down.Copy !req
186. "Qua" something.Copy !req
187. Qua... Quar...Copy !req
188. Quibo... Qual...Copy !req
189. Quir... Quabity.Copy !req
190. Quabity assuance.Copy !req
191. No. No, no, no, no.
But I'm getting close.Copy !req
192. Have you been introduced to Kevin?Copy !req
193. No. Which one's Kevin?Copy !req
194. He's here on a special work program.Copy !req
195. He's slow, you know, in his brain.Copy !req
196. - Oh, good for you guys.
- Yeah...Copy !req
197. Hazing is a fun way
to show a new employeeCopy !req
198. that she is not welcome or liked.Copy !req
199. Accounting department, listen up.
Holly, human resources.Copy !req
200. - Angela, Oscar, and Kevin.
- Hello. Hello.Copy !req
201. Hi.Copy !req
202. Hi.Copy !req
203. What do you do?Copy !req
204. I do the numbers.Copy !req
205. Oh, good for you.Copy !req
206. Do you want an M&M?Copy !req
207. Oh, no, that is so sweet.
But thank you, though.Copy !req
208. Yeah, I keep them here at my deskCopy !req
209. so that everybody
doesn't take them.Copy !req
210. Well, that is a very
safe place for them.Copy !req
211. - Yeah.
- Here she is. Holly.Copy !req
212. You know, if we hung Holly
from the ceiling,Copy !req
213. we'd have to kiss
underneath of her.Copy !req
214. So... I know.Copy !req
215. Sorry. Question.Copy !req
216. Are you real,
or are you a Hollygram?Copy !req
217. Nice. I've never heard
that one before, actually.Copy !req
218. - That's good.
- I bet.Copy !req
219. Are these guys
boring your ears off?Copy !req
220. No, no, I...Copy !req
221. What is your commute like?Copy !req
222. How long does it take to get in?Copy !req
223. You know, I should make you a mix.Copy !req
224. Do you have a CD player?Copy !req
225. Yeah.Copy !req
226. - All right.
- Thanks.Copy !req
227. Great.Copy !req
228. Do you like it?Copy !req
229. It's a photo of everyone in the office.
So you can take it to Costa Rica.Copy !req
230. - You're... You're not in it.
- Well, I was taking the picture.Copy !req
231. I love it.
I love it.Copy !req
232. I would love a picture
of the two of us...Copy !req
233. to also take to Costa Rica.Copy !req
234. - Sure, do you have a camera here?
- No...Copy !req
235. Does anyone have a camera here?Copy !req
236. No one has a camera here.Copy !req
237. I'm gonna...
I'll go get one.Copy !req
238. Stay.Copy !req
239. So I just got the fax.
Closing the sale, and... it's big.Copy !req
240. - It is really big.
- Congratulations.Copy !req
241. Don't interrupt.
Congratulations on doing your job.Copy !req
242. - You put the sale on the web site?
- No, I didn't. I just logged it in.Copy !req
243. Try to be a team player here, Jim.Copy !req
244. Log it in the web site.Copy !req
245. - Well, it already went through, so...
- Don't worry about that.Copy !req
246. Just re-log it.Copy !req
247. Hello?Copy !req
248. Hike up your skirt a little moreCopy !req
249. Jim?Copy !req
250. - I am downloading some n3p music
- That's not it. Yeah.Copy !req
251. - for a cd mix tape for Holly.
- Close.Copy !req
252. And I'm looking for perfect songs
that work on two levels.Copy !req
253. What are the two levels?Copy !req
254. The two levels being
welcome to Scranton...Copy !req
255. and I... love you.Copy !req
256. Okay, let's start
with the "I love you" level.Copy !req
257. Hey, what's the groupCopy !req
258. that was from Scranton
that made it big?Copy !req
259. - Was that U2?
- Yes.Copy !req
260. You don't love Holly.Copy !req
261. - I think I do.
- But you just met her.Copy !req
262. Well, it was love at first sight.Copy !req
263. Actually, it was...
No. It was when I heard her voice.Copy !req
264. It was love at first see
with my ears.Copy !req
265. Oh okay, it doesn't work like that.Copy !req
266. Well, you're not a romantic.Copy !req
267. Actually, I think I am, and...Copy !req
268. I've a little bit of experience
in office romance.Copy !req
269. - Oh, really? Like, with who?
- Yeah.Copy !req
270. - We've been through this.
- Pam?Copy !req
271. Yes, we are still dating.
And guess what. I took it slow.Copy !req
272. Yeah, you took it too slow.Copy !req
273. - Well, we're really happy.
- This thing with Holly feels...Copy !req
274. a lot like love to me.Copy !req
275. And that's really sweet.
And you can think that,Copy !req
276. but you don't say that out loud.
And you definitely don't say it to her.Copy !req
277. I don't want her to get away.Copy !req
278. I know.
Here, Michael, you can...Copy !req
279. court her as you get
to know her, you know?Copy !req
280. I mean, the office is
a great place for that.Copy !req
281. Pam and I, we got
to know each other right out there.Copy !req
282. I mean, first time we joked around
was at my desk.Copy !req
283. And the first meal
we ever had was...Copy !req
284. in the break room, actually.Copy !req
285. We were at two separate tables and...
I remember that.Copy !req
286. The first time we kissed even
was right outside, and...Copy !req
287. Look.Copy !req
288. All I'm saying is that you can get
to know someone really, really well,Copy !req
289. like I did...Copy !req
290. Right here at work.Copy !req
291. I was thinking...Copy !req
292. fireworks for the party.
What do you think?Copy !req
293. Oh, boy, I appreciate
your help, but I can't...Copy !req
294. Oh, no. I just meant I wanted to pay
to have fireworks at the party.Copy !req
295. Why would you do that?Copy !req
296. Because I'm gonna miss Toby.Copy !req
297. Yep, he's...Copy !req
298. a heck of a guy, and I think we should
send him off right. It doesn't matter.Copy !req
299. Here you go.Copy !req
300. Really?Copy !req
301. Well, we all want
a good party, right?Copy !req
302. I'm going to propose tonight.Copy !req
303. Holy crap!Copy !req
304. - Hey, Kevin.
- Hi.Copy !req
305. Do you need some help?Copy !req
306. I can't decide what to get.Copy !req
307. Well, what do you like to eat?Copy !req
308. Well, I like pretzels, but...Copy !req
309. I really like chips.Copy !req
310. Well, how much money do you have there?Copy !req
311. Okay, let's see.Copy !req
312. 50...Copy !req
313. This is a button.Copy !req
314. 55, 65...
Okay, you have 75 cents.Copy !req
315. So that means you could getCopy !req
316. anything up on the top row.Copy !req
317. I am totally gonna bang Holly!Copy !req
318. She is cute and helpful,Copy !req
319. and she really seems into me.Copy !req
320. Hey, Ryan, it's Jim.Copy !req
321. I don't know what's gotten to you lately,Copy !req
322. but you know what, I really don't care
because you're trying to get rid of me.Copy !req
323. And I bet you think I don't care enough
about this job to actually fight back,Copy !req
324. but you're wrong,
because I do, and I will.Copy !req
325. So you can keep trying
to push me out of this place,Copy !req
326. but guess what...
I'm not going anywhere.Copy !req
327. Damn it!Copy !req
328. Hello, Holly.Copy !req
329. What are you doing?
You don't...Copy !req
330. You don't have to do that. I mean,
we have already put-together chairs.Copy !req
331. That's how we buy them, actually.Copy !req
332. I'm trying to adjust
the lumbar support on Toby's chair,Copy !req
333. and that made this up/down
lever thing not work.Copy !req
334. And then I took
the whole chair apart, and...Copy !req
335. that is the story
of me on the floor.Copy !req
336. It's pretty good, right?
I'm gonna sell the movie rights.Copy !req
337. And the sequel,Copy !req
338. woman stands at desk and works.Copy !req
339. So,Copy !req
340. I have no idea how you...Copy !req
341. How you sit like that.Copy !req
342. Yoga.Copy !req
343. Sit on floor and
put together chair we will.Copy !req
344. Yo-da.Copy !req
345. Pass curvy metal piece you will.Copy !req
346. So are you in town this weekend?Copy !req
347. 'Cause I'm not...
I'm not...Copy !req
348. I'm not gonna be in town.Copy !req
349. I'm going out of town.Copy !req
350. So you can't make my orgy?Copy !req
351. Kidding.Copy !req
352. Kidding.Copy !req
353. Acting!Copy !req
354. - Acting!
- Acting!Copy !req
355. Lovitz.Copy !req
356. Yeah.Copy !req
357. I did it.Copy !req
358. - What'd you do?
- I talked to her... Holly.Copy !req
359. Just pleasantries. Nothing, you know,
not like, do you want kids?Copy !req
360. Or religion or what side
of the bed do you want?Copy !req
361. Hey, I can take either side
of the bed at this point.Copy !req
362. - Okay, so how'd that feel?
- It was hard. I wanted to kiss her.Copy !req
363. Oh, I'm so glad you didn't.Copy !req
364. Oh, god.Copy !req
365. Laying a base.Copy !req
366. - Laying a base.
- There you go.Copy !req
367. There's plenty
of base laying left, right?Copy !req
368. Yeah.Copy !req
369. Hello, Angela.Copy !req
370. Phyllis, you look like
you're gonna have a heart attack.Copy !req
371. Could I get a list of your vendors?Copy !req
372. - I shredded it.
- Why would you do that?Copy !req
373. Gosh, I just don't know.
Why do you think?Copy !req
374. Sorry.Copy !req
375. What'd you guys do?Copy !req
376. Oh, there he is.Copy !req
377. Thought you had gone home already.Copy !req
378. Why don't you go home
and come back for the party?Copy !req
379. Well, we still have to do
the exit interview.Copy !req
380. Yes, we do.Copy !req
381. I'll let you in on a little secret. I've
been looking forward to this moment.Copy !req
382. Very, very much.Copy !req
383. I... I have been steeped
in anticipation.Copy !req
384. Toby has beenCopy !req
385. cruisin' for a bruisin'
for 12 years,Copy !req
386. and I am now his cruise director.Copy !req
387. And my name is captain Bruisin'.Copy !req
388. - Thanks, Michael. I didn't expect...
- Can I just say thatCopy !req
389. of all the idiots
in all the idiot villagesCopy !req
390. in all the idiot worlds,Copy !req
391. you stand alone, my friend.Copy !req
392. - Hello.
- Hey!Copy !req
393. - Hi, good to see you.
- You too.Copy !req
394. I'm just having
a little exit interview.Copy !req
395. Yeah, I know. That's why I'm here.Copy !req
396. No, no. This is very boring stuff.
Why don't you take a tour?Copy !req
397. Have you seen the bailer?Copy !req
398. No, no, I'll look at it later.Copy !req
399. It's part of my job.Copy !req
400. Okay.Copy !req
401. - Did you need me to take notes?
- Hi, Pam. Stay.Copy !req
402. Okay.Copy !req
403. All right.
Well then,Copy !req
404. I will proceed.
I just have some...Copy !req
405. questions that I was gonna ask.Copy !req
406. Who do you think you are?Copy !req
407. I'm Toby.Copy !req
408. Yeah.Copy !req
409. Correct.Copy !req
410. What gives... What...Copy !req
411. What gives you the right?Copy !req
412. I brought the binder.
Do you wanna take a little look?Copy !req
413. Sure, you know what, that sounds good.
I'll take a little looksie.Copy !req
414. - Here we go.
- Thank you.Copy !req
415. "What would you improve...Copy !req
416. "about Dunder Mifflin?"Copy !req
417. This place...Copy !req
418. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- I've got some ideas.Copy !req
419. I'm not asking it,
I'm just reading it out loud.Copy !req
420. Oh, I'd like to hear the answer.Copy !req
421. Well, let me see.Copy !req
422. I would...Copy !req
423. I'll kill you.Copy !req
424. I guess everything's okay.Copy !req
425. I made it this far, right?Copy !req
426. What's the point?Copy !req
427. Why don't you open your present?Copy !req
428. This might not be what I think...Copy !req
429. that I don't even know's in there 'cause
there are a lot of presents in my car,Copy !req
430. and I don't know which is which.Copy !req
431. "Suck on this."Copy !req
432. - What the hell is that?
- Michael...Copy !req
433. What do you mean "Michael"?Copy !req
434. That's not even my handwriting.Copy !req
435. Hey!Copy !req
436. What the hell is going on here?Copy !req
437. Who thought it would be hysterical
to give Toby a rockCopy !req
438. for his going-away gift?Copy !req
439. - You did. You made me wrap it.
- No!Copy !req
440. I thought it was over the line.
I just...Copy !req
441. You know what that is?
You know what that is? That is...Copy !req
442. a psyche.Copy !req
443. Psyche.Copy !req
444. So, that is not
my real gift to Toby.Copy !req
445. - So what is your gift?
- My gift is forthcoming, Pam.Copy !req
446. What is it?Copy !req
447. I am going to give Toby...Copy !req
448. Your watch?Copy !req
449. Yes, I am.Copy !req
450. That was it.Copy !req
451. How did you know that?Copy !req
452. - I just knew.
- How did you know?Copy !req
453. Oh, that is so sweet.Copy !req
454. Well...
That's my watch.Copy !req
455. Thanks. I'm gonna set it
to Costa Rica time.Copy !req
456. Hey, that's good.Copy !req
457. Hey, it's the kid.
Look, look, look.Copy !req
458. It's the temp. Look.Copy !req
459. - Oh, my gosh.
- It's the temp.Copy !req
460. - Is that the police?
- Yes.Copy !req
461. This is what happened.Copy !req
462. Ryan's big project
was the web site,Copy !req
463. which wasn't doing so well.Copy !req
464. So Ryan, to give
the impression of sales,Copy !req
465. recorded them twice.Copy !req
466. Once as office sales,
and once as web site sales.Copy !req
467. Which's what we refer to in the business
as misleading the shareholders.Copy !req
468. Another good term is fraud.Copy !req
469. The real crime, I think,Copy !req
470. was the beard.Copy !req
471. Oh, my god. Ryan.Copy !req
472. Oh, my god.Copy !req
473. I cannot wait
to visit Ryan in prison.Copy !req
474. I'm gonna wear my hottest track suit
and get my hair done.Copy !req
475. And then be, like, "Hi, Ryan."Copy !req
476. And then all the other prisoners
are gonna be like, "Damn!Copy !req
477. "Ryan, you got a hot ex-girlfriend.Copy !req
478. "I would never have treated her so bad
when I was outside of prison."Copy !req
479. Would you do me a favor
and connect me to Ryan?Copy !req
480. Absolutely.Copy !req
481. Right to voice mail.Copy !req
482. Hey, Ryan, it's Jim.Copy !req
483. You know what?
Totally disregard that last voice mailCopy !req
484. because you obviously
have your hands tied.Copy !req
485. Good luck.Copy !req
486. What's protocol on this?Copy !req
487. Well, I normally do nothing,
I guess.Copy !req
488. You shouldn't...Copy !req
489. Michael, are you okay?Copy !req
490. I'm just worried about my friend.Copy !req
491. Of course you are.Copy !req
492. Just... I'm fine.Copy !req
493. I'm holding it together.
I have a business to run. I'm cool.Copy !req
494. No, hey, stop.Copy !req
495. You can let yourself be upset.
He's your friend.Copy !req
496. You know what I usually find?Copy !req
497. Holly is sweet and simple.Copy !req
498. Like a lady baker.Copy !req
499. I... would not be surprisedCopy !req
500. to find out that she had worked
in a bakery before coming here.Copy !req
501. She has that kind of warmth.Copy !req
502. I'm pretty sure she's baked
on a professional level.Copy !req
503. Cool!Copy !req
504. A bouncy house!Copy !req
505. Kevin, take your shoes off first.Copy !req
506. No anti-gravity machine, huh?Copy !req
507. Sorry, Michael.
I don't think they're real.Copy !req
508. The ferris wheel
is pretty cool, though.Copy !req
509. Look at our parking lot.Copy !req
510. Yeah, who'd have thought?Copy !req
511. Is Jim gonna propose tonight?Copy !req
512. He is, isn't he?Copy !req
513. No, he's not.Copy !req
514. Is he?Copy !req
515. Oh, it was a pretty good company,
but I just couldn't see a future there.Copy !req
516. They kept hiring from the outside.Copy !req
517. It was easy to get in,
but impossible to rise up.Copy !req
518. That's what she...Copy !req
519. A lot of places are like that.Copy !req
520. I think it's really cool
you hired Kevin.Copy !req
521. Thanks.Copy !req
522. - You have it?
- Almost.Copy !req
523. Here we go, here we go.
Put it in.Copy !req
524. That... that's my car.Copy !req
525. What are you doing?Copy !req
526. - What the hell's going on here?
- Nothing you need to know.Copy !req
527. - There is a raccoon in the car, Dwight!
- No, there's not.Copy !req
528. - Why did you do that?
- It was playful hazing.Copy !req
529. No, there's no such thing
as playful hazing.Copy !req
530. Dwight, I want you
to look at Holly now.Copy !req
531. Everybody, I want you
to look at Holly right now.Copy !req
532. And maybe if you look at her deeply
enough, you'll see what I see in her.Copy !req
533. And that is
that we are all very luckyCopy !req
534. to have her here.Copy !req
535. Holly is the best thing...Copy !req
536. that has happened to this companyCopy !req
537. since World War II.Copy !req
538. 50 years...
She is the best.Copy !req
539. - Take care of that, all right?
- It's not rabid.Copy !req
540. - Thanks for bringing that up.
- Get it out, come on, get it out.Copy !req
541. I'm really sorry.Copy !req
542. Michael, thank you so much
for saying that.Copy !req
543. I feel so welcome here.
I just...Copy !req
544. Excuse me.Copy !req
545. Did you see that? Did you see it?
Did you see what...Copy !req
546. Well, Jan didn't believe
in showing affection, so...Copy !req
547. sometimes I don't know how to react to
when a girl touches me.Copy !req
548. I like it.Copy !req
549. Mrs. Vance, we're all out.Copy !req
550. Kev, I need you to do me a solid
and go buy some more barbecue sauce.Copy !req
551. Okay.Copy !req
552. Cool.Copy !req
553. You drive your own car?Copy !req
554. Yup, this is my car.Copy !req
555. Do you drive your own car?Copy !req
556. Yep, just like you.Copy !req
557. Okay, bye.Copy !req
558. Bye.Copy !req
559. I'm really proud of you.Copy !req
560. All right.
Let's hear it for Darryl and his band.Copy !req
561. You know what?
Let's also give a shout out to PhyllisCopy !req
562. for this awesome party, huh?Copy !req
563. Probably the best one
that we have ever had, right?Copy !req
564. But the real reason
that we are hereCopy !req
565. is to say good-bye to a guy
who we will probablyCopy !req
566. never ever see again.Copy !req
567. Now, a lot of you know
that I am an accomplished songwriter.Copy !req
568. Song parody writer.Copy !req
569. I have done things like...
Beers in heaven.Copy !req
570. - Classic.
- Or Total eclipse of the fart.Copy !req
571. - Not my favorite, but...
- I love to sing them,Copy !req
572. but I am not going to be
doing that today.Copy !req
573. I am going to be doing
something I wrote specifically for Toby.Copy !req
574. Do you know...Copy !req
575. - Goodbye stranger, Supertramp?
- Yeah.Copy !req
576. It was early morning yesterdayCopy !req
577. I was up before the dawnCopy !req
578. and I really have enjoyed my stayCopy !req
579. but Toby must be moving onCopy !req
580. I'm gonna miss Toby.Copy !req
581. He has a nice, calming presence
in the office.Copy !req
582. Goodbye, TobyCopy !req
583. it's been niceCopy !req
584. hope you find your paradiseCopy !req
585. Don't tell him I said this,
but I always thought he was kinda cute.Copy !req
586. Come tomorrow feel no painCopy !req
587. Feel no painCopy !req
588. Toby's goin' away!Copy !req
589. See ya!Copy !req
590. See ya, Toby, see ya!Copy !req
591. He's outta here.Copy !req
592. Goodbye, TobyCopy !req
593. - Not bad.
- Oh, hey.Copy !req
594. Thanks.Copy !req
595. Someday I would love
to hear Beers in heaven.Copy !req
596. Oh, okay. Yeah.Copy !req
597. Well, actually, too soon.
It's...Copy !req
598. It's very sexual.Copy !req
599. Sorry.Copy !req
600. Kevin.Copy !req
601. Kevin, where are you?
You missed my song, buddy.Copy !req
602. Yeah, Michael, I'm at Gerrity's.
You have to come down here.Copy !req
603. Just pay for it and we'll
reimburse you when you get back.Copy !req
604. No, I brought my money.Copy !req
605. There's something
that you need to see.Copy !req
606. - What is it?
- Just hurry.Copy !req
607. - Is he okay?
- Yeah, he needs me at the supermarket.Copy !req
608. The party, driving to the supermarket...
It was a big day for him.Copy !req
609. Yeah, that's true.
Don't move a muscle.Copy !req
610. I will be back momentarily,
all right?Copy !req
611. No, you can...
Finish your drink and then I'll...Copy !req
612. I'll be back.Copy !req
613. - It was good to see you.
- It was great to see you, Jan.Copy !req
614. Okay.Copy !req
615. - Hello, Jan.
- Hello... Michael.Copy !req
616. Kevin, really?
We're...Copy !req
617. Sorry, we're in the middle of a party.
Is this why you called me?Copy !req
618. Yeah, Michael, I just...Copy !req
619. I think you kids have a lot
to catch up on.Copy !req
620. - Oh, okay.
- Yeah.Copy !req
621. Thanks, Kevin.Copy !req
622. I can't believe it!Copy !req
623. Look at you!Copy !req
624. - Are you nauseous?
- No.Copy !req
625. Do you...
Do you have cravings?Copy !req
626. You never touched my Propecia
or my Accutane?Copy !req
627. - No, I didn't... touch that.
- Good. Thank god. 'Cause that's...Copy !req
628. Wow, I'm so happy.Copy !req
629. I am so deliriously happy.Copy !req
630. - Why?
- Because you're pregnant.Copy !req
631. And because it obviously happened
when we were together, and...Copy !req
632. - I am very proud...
- Yeah, it did happenCopy !req
633. when we were together.
That's true.Copy !req
634. But you...Copy !req
635. are not...Copy !req
636. You're not the dad.Copy !req
637. You cheated on me?Copy !req
638. - When I specifically asked you not to?
- No, I did not...Copy !req
639. I did not cheat on you.Copy !req
640. I did not.Copy !req
641. Well... okay.Copy !req
642. Okay. So it's not mine,
and it's not somebody else's, so...Copy !req
643. I know...Copy !req
644. the whole toilet seat thing
is a myth, so...Copy !req
645. I went to...
a sperm bank.Copy !req
646. You did?Copy !req
647. - When we were going out?
- Yeah.Copy !req
648. I don't understand.Copy !req
649. You always used to be
very cautious.Copy !req
650. - I'd wear two condoms.
- I know.Copy !req
651. You'd rather have somebody else's sperm
than mine?Copy !req
652. No, no, no.Copy !req
653. It's not just any sperm bank.
I mean, it's really...Copy !req
654. This is a really, really great place.
It's amazing, actually.Copy !req
655. I'm gonna bring you the catalogue.
You should look through it. It's...Copy !req
656. And it's a fact, it's right next to that
little breakfast place that you likeCopy !req
657. in the city where you can
draw on the tables.Copy !req
658. Ihop.Copy !req
659. Ihop.Copy !req
660. If I was 22 and I had lots of timeCopy !req
661. to have lots of children, then sure,
let's let Michael have a shot at one.Copy !req
662. But honestly, I need
to make this one count.Copy !req
663. That's really good.
I feel so much better.Copy !req
664. I just needed to get
all of that out onto the table.Copy !req
665. I'm glad you told me.Copy !req
666. I don't know what you're gonna
be doing tomorrow,Copy !req
667. but I have my lamaze class
in Allentown.Copy !req
668. And...Copy !req
669. you could come.Copy !req
670. I usually, you know, use
a foam noodle instead of a partner.Copy !req
671. I've to think about it.Copy !req
672. Okay.Copy !req
673. My whole life, I...Copy !req
674. have known two things.Copy !req
675. I love sex,
and I want to have kids.Copy !req
676. And I always thought that those
two things would go hand in hand.Copy !req
677. But now, I think it might be
one or the other.Copy !req
678. Oh, look they're starting.Copy !req
679. Well, I hope you had fun today.Copy !req
680. 'Cause you're never ever
throwing a party again.Copy !req
681. Can I have your attention, please?Copy !req
682. I was waiting for
the right time to do this,Copy !req
683. and I can't think
of a better time than right now,Copy !req
684. with the music playing,
and all our friends around,Copy !req
685. and the fireworks going off.Copy !req
686. My parents are here...Copy !req
687. Andrew and Ellen Bernard.Copy !req
688. Thank you for sharing
in this joyous moment.Copy !req
689. Miss Angela Martin,
will you please join me onstage?Copy !req
690. Okay, then I will
come to you, my flower.Copy !req
691. Damn it!Copy !req
692. Angela...Copy !req
693. Will you do me the honor...Copy !req
694. Of giving me your tiny hand...Copy !req
695. in marriage?Copy !req
696. Okay.Copy !req
697. Into the mike, sweetie.Copy !req
698. I said okay.Copy !req
699. She said yes!Copy !req
700. And the crowd goes wild!Copy !req
701. I've been carrying that ring around
in my wallet for six years.Copy !req
702. Because you don't know
when you're gonna meet the right girlCopy !req
703. and the moment's gonna be right.Copy !req
704. And tonight,Copy !req
705. with the fireworks and the musicCopy !req
706. and everything...
it was right.Copy !req
707. Can I be your bridesmaid?Copy !req
708. No.Copy !req
709. Well...Copy !req
710. It's my own fault.Copy !req
711. Tuna!Copy !req
712. I'm engaged!Copy !req
713. I know. That's awesome, man.
That's great.Copy !req
714. Mr. Andrew Bernard.Copy !req
715. It's got a nice ring to it.Copy !req
716. Hey.Copy !req
717. Hey, you know, I just realized...
I don't have a picture of the two of us.Copy !req
718. Oh, yeah...Copy !req
719. - Yeah. Could we?
- Sure.Copy !req
720. Meredith, do you mind?Copy !req
721. - This one right here.
- Okay.Copy !req
722. One, two, three.Copy !req
723. Oh, let's do it again.
Pam, your smile is weird.Copy !req
724. It's digital, so just
take as many as you want.Copy !req
725. One, two, three.Copy !req
726. One, two, three.Copy !req
727. I don't know, I just...Copy !req
728. I really thought Jim
was gonna propose tonight.Copy !req
729. - Hey there.
- Hey.Copy !req
730. - So, you missed something really big.
- Yeah?Copy !req
731. Andy proposed to
one of your accountants.Copy !req
732. I'm not so specific as I can be
on my first day, but...Copy !req
733. Well, I can see Andy
proposing to Angela.Copy !req
734. I can also see him
proposing to Oscar.Copy !req
735. So...Copy !req
736. You know, somehow, after all those ribs,
I'm still really hungry.Copy !req
737. I don't know, I was thinking of maybe
going off-campus somewhereCopy !req
738. and getting some dessert.Copy !req
739. Well, you know what?
You should go to the Glider Diner.Copy !req
740. Ask Stanley about that.
He practically lives there.Copy !req
741. Okay.Copy !req
742. I'll go to the diner with you.Copy !req
743. That would be great.Copy !req
744. Yeah, we can go eat pie.Copy !req
745. I love pie.Copy !req
746. - Me too.
- Okay.Copy !req
747. - Have a good night.
- Okay. Good night.Copy !req
748. Yeah, it was a good day.Copy !req
749. I mean, first days are
always the hardest, right?Copy !req
750. Well, I should go.Copy !req
751. I gotta buckle him in.Copy !req
752. Well, this is it.Copy !req
753. - I am here to see you off.
- Thanks.Copy !req
754. Really, Michael?Copy !req
755. Sorry, corporate policy.Copy !req
756. - It's not.
- You might take something.Copy !req
757. - Don't think he's gonna take anything.
- Okay, security guard.Copy !req
758. Oh, some kind of... alarm.Copy !req
759. Okay.Copy !req
760. Hi, Jan, it's Michael.Copy !req
761. I just...Copy !req
762. I just want to let you know
that I am going to go to your...Copy !req
763. lamaze class tomorrow.Copy !req
764. And if there is any details
you need to fill me in on, like...Copy !req
765. what, exactly, lamaze is,
that would be great.Copy !req
766. And I will see you
tomorrow morning.Copy !req
767. I am going to be...Copy !req
768. kind of a daddy.Copy !req
769. Party planning's a real high.
Like a runner's high.Copy !req
770. - Oh, my god!
- What?Copy !req