The Office 4x13

Directed by Tucker Gates

Ed Helms as Andy Bernard • Creed Bratton as Creed Bratton • Mindy Kaling as Kelly Kapoor • Kate Flannery as Meredith Palmer • Leslie David Baker as Stanley Hudson

Jim is wearing his best golfing uniform because he is hitting the links with a potential client, Phil Maguire. This is a very important account for Jim because he needs to look good to Ryan, who recently put him on probation for his job performance. Andy and Kevin are also joining in the game to show their support.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Hey. Ready?

2. Come on. Show me excited.

3. Yes. Yeah, I'm pretty excited, too.

4. Today, I'm headed over to the job fair at Valley View High School

5. to find some new interns.

6. Want to get some fresh blood.

7. Youth-anize this place.

8. Hey, we doing this thing? Yeah.

9. Oh, my God, Darryl. You look like Barack Obama.

10. Everybody, I'm dating Barack Obama.

11. Why are you dressed like that? Like what?

12. Like you're applying for a loan?

13. Maybe he's going to church or court.

14. Figured I'd look presentable. Yeah.

15. You went a different way.

16. I think you look nice. Thank you.

17. Okay, here's what we're going to do.

18. I am going to instruct the kids about management and sales.

19. Oscar will be in charge of accounting,

20. Pam will be eye candy.

21. No, and also because that is your alma mater.

22. Darryl will hire some kids for the warehouse.

23. We don't have to worry about internships with them,

24. because they definitely ain't going to college.

25. What college did you go to, Mike?

26. Let's go!

27. Today, I am meeting a potential client on the golf course

28. because Ryan put me on probation.

29. You remember Ryan, he was the temp here.

30. Yeah. And it is not a good time for me to lose my job,

31. since I have some pretty big long term plans in my personal life with Pam,

32. that I'd like her parents to be psyched about.

33. So I'm about to do something very bold at this job, that I've never done before.

34. Try.

35. Mr. Maguire, it's been a couple of years.

36. Hey, Jim. How are you? Nice to see you.

37. Oh, no. No, no, no, no.

38. My grandfather would be spinning in his urn

39. if he knew that I was out here with a Dartmouth boy.

40. You take that shirt off right now, or I will take it off for you, sir.

41. I am totally and completely kidding!

42. Andrew Bernard, Cornell, '95.

43. Phil Maguire, Dartmouth, '74.

44. Got some blistees.

45. Yeah, you do.

46. Hit about twelve hundred balls last night in preparation for today,

47. so hands are a little tender.

48. It's actually not funny at all. It's incredibly painful.

49. Yeah, let's make it interesting. Say, 10 bucks a hole?

50. Great. What are we talking? Skins?

51. Acey Ducey? Bingo Bango Bongo?

52. Sandies? Barkies? Arnies? Wolf? What?

53. I'm going to take this petty cash that I got from Oscar

54. and turn it into next month's rent.

55. So many memories in this old gym.

56. Pretending to have PMS, so I didn't have to play volleyball.

57. Pretending to have PMS, so I didn't have to play basketball.

58. Those were the days.

59. Little over the top, don't you think?

60. Show them what you brought, Mike.

61. That's all we brought. This is all we need.

62. We'll see. Yes, we will see, Oscar.

63. We will see, because a blank sheet of paper equals endless possibilities.

64. Conceptual. All right.

65. We are open for business.

66. Hello.

67. Andy, you're up. Let's go.

68. Giddy up. Let's do this.

69. People assume I'm great at golf,

70. but, like everybody, I hated golf lessons when I was a kid,

71. so I used to just hang out with the sailing club instead.

72. Got my knot on.

73. Damn it!

74. Guys, do we have to stay all day?

75. I mean, Michael's gone. Can't we just go?

76. Yeah, and I finished my work months ago.

77. Okay, excuse me, people.

78. It has come to my attention that some of you have forgotten

79. who is in charge here.

80. When Michael is gone, Jim is in charge.

81. When Jim is gone, Andy and I are in charge.

82. When Andy is gone, you answer to me.

83. Okay?

84. Excuse me, where do you think you're going?

85. Oh, no, no, no. You are not leaving.

86. No! Stanley, do not walk out that door.

87. If you walk out that door, so help me, I will...

88. He left.

89. Last time I checked, the American work day ends at 5:00 p.m.

90. You will all stay at your desks until that time.

91. Or you will suffer the consequences.

92. What consequences?

93. I will tell on you.

94. There is some filing, restocking of the supply shelves,

95. replacing the water jug, which nobody likes to do.

96. We eat a lot of cake.

97. Cool.

98. Yeah, and, you know, you basically learn how an office runs.

99. Hello. Hi, can I talk to you for a sec? So...

100. Excuse me. This is Michael, my boss. Justin.

101. Hey. Remember what we talked about in the car, on the way out?

102. "Only the best and the brightest."

103. He's nice, and he seems interested.

104. He's totally wrong, Pam.

105. Hey. Hi.

106. How you doing? Listen, I don't think that a handsome, funny, smart,

107. funny-looking kid like you should limit himself.

108. You could do whatever you want to do. You could be a classy janitor

109. or a cashier with dignity

110. or a migraine worker.

111. Maybe, for you, paper should be more of a hobby.

112. Sorry for wasting your time.

113. Oh, no problem.

114. And he signed. Did he put his name on the piece of...

115. Okay, that was supposed to be a blank canvas

116. on which to put their hopes and dreams,

117. and he just made it into a stupid piece of paper.

118. We need another one. Immediately.

119. Yeah, the booth is lame without it.

120. I only brought the one.

121. Are you mental?

122. Michael, do you remember you specifically told me

123. to only bring one sheet of paper?

124. You said it only takes one sheet to make a difference,

125. and I said, "Are you sure, Michael?" And you said, "Pam, Pam, Pam,"

126. and then you sneezed in my tea, and then you said, "Don't worry, it's just allergies."

127. Do you remember that? I don't.

128. Okay, I'll go look for another one.

129. And that is why I need a smart intern.

130. Hey, so, how's the direct mail business going?

131. I can't complain. People love their junk mail.

132. Now, are you getting all your paper from PPC or...

133. You know what, Jim? I'm not really looking to change things up right now.

134. I just came out here to get out of the office a little bit,

135. so why don't we just play, okay?

136. Absolutely. Will do.

137. So, I guess I'll just work on my short game.

138. Hello there.

139. What is this company?

140. Well, it's funny that you should ask, because it's really more than a company.

141. Dunder Mifflin Paper.

142. Thanks.

143. Okay. Damn it, Oscar.

144. Yeah, I'm trying to lure these kids into my booth,

145. but kids are very wary of being lured these days.

146. Thank you, Dateline.

147. Thank you.

148. Extension 128.

149. Hiya, pumpkin, it's Creed.

150. So, we're gonna ditch this bitch. You in?

151. No. Are you out?

152. Pumpkin's out. Let's go, gang.

153. My old art room.

154. Oh, maybe it's still here.

155. No, no, they must have taken it down. Never mind.

156. What do you want? Michael, I know you're swamped.

157. I just thought you should know that everyone in the office has left,

158. except for Angela and I.

159. Do not worry, though. I have taken down their names,

160. and I have docked them a personal day.

161. Who cares? I'm not there, Jim's not there. Why should they have to be there?

162. So, what else is up?

163. Mike?

164. Thank you. What is this?

165. A piece of paper. This isn't Dunder Mifflin paper.

166. This is some sort of Pendleton crap.

167. Well, I think they'll get the spirit of it.

168. Pam, Pam, Pam! We're dying here.

169. I want you to go back to the office, and I want you to get the real stuff.

170. I want you to get ultra white card stock.

171. Are you serious?

172. Yes, and don't call me Shirley.

173. Okay.

174. Damn it.

175. You could just pick it up, take the triple bogey.

176. Yeah, I'll get it out. Thank you. Yup.

177. Oh, man. Come on, Tuna.

178. Hey, can't really talk now. What's up?

179. - Just checking in. - How's it going?

180. You know, we'll see. We'll see.

181. I just drove 20 miles round trip back to the office

182. to get Michael a single sheet of white paper.

183. So, I could've just had them fax it to me, I guess.

184. Oh, I like you.

185. Talk to you later?

186. Yeah. All right. Bye.

187. All right.

188. I'm sorry, I've got to annoy you one more time.

189. What if I bring down shipping costs?

190. You can try. But I've looked at your prices.

191. Even with free shipping,

192. doesn't work.

193. It's just... It's not in the stars, Jim.

194. Six. Yeah. All right.

195. All right, race to the next hole.

196. Winner gets ten bucks.

197. Wait, wait for me!

198. Shortcut, shortcut.

199. I fell in the sand trap.

200. All of these jobs suck.

201. I would rather live jobless on a beach somewhere

202. off the money from a large inheritance

203. than have to work in any one of these crap holes.

204. They suck.

205. Hey, game over.

206. Just-in time. Hi.

207. Just-in case. What's your last name?

208. Polznik. This just in,

209. Justin Polznik.

210. Justin is the ugly girl in the movie, who takes off her glasses and she's hot.

211. And you realize that she was always hot, she was just wearing glasses,

212. and that you were the blind one.

213. He's the most important thing in my life right now.

214. I want you to meet my family. Come on.

215. Oscar Martinez, accountant extraordinaire. This is Justin.

216. Hey. Hi.

217. This is Darryl Philbin. Isn't he big?

218. And you already met her. Pam Beesly, office hottie.

219. She will do you.

220. No, no, but she has already dated two guys in the office that we know of,

221. so this could be number three.

222. You never... Excuse me.

223. Come here. I would never say this to her face,

224. but she is a wonderful person and a gifted artist.

225. What? Why wouldn't you say that to her face?

226. So, what do you think? Think these guys are nice?

227. The guys I didn't bring are even better.

228. Justin, I'm willing to commit right now.

229. Would you do me the honor

230. of spending the summer with us at Dunder Mifflin?

231. I think you are very special.

232. You didn't want me before.

233. That's what you said.

234. No, I didn't.

235. You misconstrued. You were kind of a jerk to me.

236. I'm... And I'm going to go now.

237. Why don't... Hey.

238. Bless you.

239. Thank you.

240. Okay, Jim, you owe me $120. And, Phil, you owe me $230.

241. Let's open a tab, because you and me are going to be playing more often.

242. Count me in. Nope.

243. All right.

244. Okay, you had some fun, and I think I paid for it.

245. So let me just get my last shot in there.

246. Is there anything you can do for me?

247. I'll tell you what.

248. My fiscal year ends in two months. Let's talk then.

249. Sound good? Absolutely.

250. Good playing with you guys. Right on.

251. You know, it's a tough thing, seeing a grown man take six shots

252. to get out of the sand trap, but I had to give Phil credit for not quitting.

253. Which is what I told him.

254. I also told him that I don't quit, either.

255. And I'd call him every single day until he gave me his business.

256. Which he then did, after fifteen minutes of me blocking his car.

257. So I am now his paper supplier.

258. And I shot a 102 today, so I'm feeling pretty good.

259. The job fair will be closing in five minutes.

260. Eighth period will commence as scheduled.

261. Hold down the fort, I have to do something.

262. Excuse me. If you can hear me,

263. I would like you to look around at all these companies

264. and know that none of them are good enough for you.

265. H&R Block? Come on.

266. I mean, I don't even know what they do.

267. Frank Regan Funeral Home? Too much formaldehyde.

268. The Air Force?

269. Air Force is cool.

270. The refreshments? Bush league, you know? That's not what you want.

271. Dunder... Okay, I see security is coming, so I just want to say, come to Dunder Mifflin.

272. Dunder Mifflin, a great place to work.

273. Anybody? Show of hands, anybody want to intern at Dunder Mifflin?

274. We do not offer college credit, we cannot give you any sort of pay,

275. but it is a really fun work environment.

276. Anybody? Show of hands.

277. Damn it. Okay.

278. I'm going to wrap it up here. Thank you for your time.

279. And drive safe!

280. Thank you. You're welcome.

281. You realize you are taking out.

282. I can't... Beers?

283. You closed it? I closed it.

284. Yes!

285. Congratulations to you, sir.

286. Thank you, thank you very much. I appreciate it.

287. Well done. Nice job. Thank you.

288. You know what? Screw this.

289. Today, I did something stupid.

290. I questioned myself, and I will never do that again.

291. Because I look at somebody like Jim Halpert,

292. and I think that guy could do anything he wants to do.

293. He could do anything,

294. and he chooses to work here selling paper.

295. Just like me.

296. Yeah. Kiss her. Kiss her good.

297. Hi. Hello.

298. I was just wondering, what kind of jobs do you guys have?

299. Are you interested in graphic design?

300. Yeah.

301. Can I fill out an application?

302. Oh, absolutely. Here, take a seat.

303. I should let you know right away that this is just an entry-level job.

304. It's really basic. We're looking for, like, a self starter,

305. someone who can meet deadlines

306. and pretty much just go the extra mile,

307. I guess. I can do that.

308. Great, and, obviously, we're looking for someone who knows Photoshop,

309. and Dreamweaver, Corel Painter, Illustrator, After Effects, all the basics.

310. I don't know any of those.

311. It's actually not super complicated.

312. I mean, I'm sure there's some sort of adult education classes in the area.

313. But if you're really serious about graphic design,

314. I would think about New York or Philadelphia.

315. They've got amazing programs out there for design.

316. New York or Philadelphia.

317. Yeah.

318. All right. Cool. Well, thanks. Sure.

319. And I'll look into those. You should.

320. New York or Philadelphia? Absolutely.

321. Okay. That's where the action is.

322. Thanks.