The Office 4x13

Directed by Tucker Gates

Ed Helms as Andy Bernard • Creed Bratton as Creed Bratton • Mindy Kaling as Kelly Kapoor • Kate Flannery as Meredith Palmer • Leslie David Baker as Stanley Hudson

Jim is wearing his best golfing uniform because he is hitting the links with a potential client, Phil Maguire. This is a very important account for Jim because he needs to look good to Ryan, who recently put him on probation for his job performance. Andy and Kevin are also joining in the game to show their support.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Ready?

2. Come on, show me excited!

3. - Yes! - Yeah, I'm pretty excited too.

4. Today I'm heading over to the job fair at Valley View High School,

5. to find some new interns. Want to get some fresh blood.

6. Euthanize this place.

7. Hey, are we doing this thing? - Yeah.

8. Oh my God, Darryl, you look like Barack Obama.

9. Everybody, I'm dating Barack Obama!

10. - Why are you dressed like that? - Like what?

11. Like you're applying for a loan.

12. Maybe he's going to church. Or court.

13. Figured I look presentable.

14. You... went a different way.

15. I think you look nice.

16. - Thank you. - Thank you.

17. Here's what we're going to do:

18. I'm going to instruct the kids about management and sales.

19. Oscar will be in charge of accounting.

20. Pam will be eye candy.

21. No... uh, also, because that is your alma mater.

22. Darryl will hire some kids for the warehouse.

23. We don't have to worry about internships with them,

24. because they definitely ain't going to college.

25. What college did you go to, Mike?

26. Let's go!

27. Today, I am meeting a potential client on the golf course,

28. because Ryan put me on probation.

29. You remember Ryan, he was the temp here.

30. Yeah. And it is not a good time for me to lose my job,

31. since I have some...

32. pretty big long term plans in my personal life with Pam,

33. that I'd like her parents to be psyched about.

34. So I am about to do something very bold at this job

35. that I've never done before:

36. Try.

37. Mister Maguire, it's been a couple of years.

38. Jim, how are you? Nice to see you, man.

39. My grandfather would be spinning in his urn

40. if he knew that I was out here with a Dartmouth boy.

41. You take that shirt off right now or I will take it off for you, sir.

42. I am totally and completely kidding!

43. - Andy Bernard, Cornell, 95. - McGuire, Darmuth, 74.

44. - Got some blisties. - Yeah, you do.

45. Hit about 1,200 balls last night in preparation for today,

46. so hands are a little tender.

47. It's actually not funny at all. It's incredibly painful.

48. Let's make it interesting. Say, ten bucks a hole?

49. Okay. What are we talking?

50. Skins? Acey Deucy? Bingo bango bongo?

51. Sandies, Barkies? Arnies? Wolf? What?

52. I'm gonna take this petty cash that I got from Oscar,

53. and turn it into next month's rent.

54. So many memories in this old gym.

55. Pretending I have PMS so I didn't have to play volleyball,

56. pretending I have PMS so I didn't have to play basketball.

57. Those were the days!

58. A little over the top, don't you think?

59. Show them what you brought, Mike.

60. - That's all we brought. - This is all we need.

61. - We'll see. - Yes we will see, Oscar.

62. We will see, because a blank sheet of paper

63. equals endless possibilities. Conceptual.

64. All right!

65. We are open for business!

66. Hello!

67. - Andy, you're up, let's go! - Giddy up, let's do this.

68. People assume I'm great at golf. But like everybody,

69. I hated golf lessons when I was a kid. So,

70. I used to hang out at the sailing club instead.

71. Got my "knot" on.

72. Dammit!

73. Guys, do we have to stay all day?

74. I mean, Michael's gone, can't we just go?

75. Yeah, and I finished my work months ago!

76. Excuse me, people.

77. It has come to my attention, some of you have forgotten...

78. who is in charge here. When Michael is gone...

79. Jim is in charge.

80. When Jim is gone, Andy and I are in charge.

81. When Andy is gone you answer to me. Okay?

82. Excuse me, where do you think you're going?

83. You're not leaving. No! Stanley,

84. do not walk out that door!

85. If you walk out that door, so help me, I will...

86. He left.

87. Last time I checked,

88. the American workday ends at 5 PM.

89. You will all stay at your desks until that time.

90. Or you will suffer the consequences.

91. What consequences?

92. I will tell on you.

93. There's some filing, restocking the supply shelves.

94. Replacing the water jug, which nobody likes to do.

95. We...

96. eat a lot of cake!

97. Yeah, and you basically learn how an office runs.

98. Hello. Hi. Can I talk to you for a sec?

99. - Excuse me. - This is Michael, my boss.

100. - Justin. - Hey, remember what we talked about,

101. in the car on the way up, "only the best and the brightest"?

102. He's nice and he seems interested.

103. He's totally wrong, Pam.

104. How you doing? Listen, I don't think that a handsome,

105. funny, smart, funny-looking kid like you,

106. should limit himself. You could do whatever you want to do.

107. You could be a classy janitor, or...

108. a cashier with dignity, or a...

109. migraine worker.

110. Maybe for you, paper should be more of a hobby.

111. - Sorry for wasting your time. - Oh, no problem.

112. And he signed!

113. He put his name on the piece of...

114. That was supposed to be a blank canvas

115. on which to put their hopes and dreams.

116. And he just made it into a stupid piece of paper.

117. We need another one immediately.

118. Yeah, the booth is lame without it.

119. - I only brought the one. - Are you mental?

120. Michael, do you remember,

121. you specifically told me to only bring one sheet of paper?

122. You said it only takes one sheet to make a difference.

123. And I said, "Are you sure, Michael?" And you said "Pam! Pam! Pam!"

124. And then you sneezed in my tea,

125. and then you said, "Don't worry, it's just allergies."

126. - Do you remember that? - I don't.

127. Okay. I'll go look for another one.

128. And that is why I need a smart intern.

129. Hey, so how is the direct mail business going?

130. I can't complain, people love their junk mail.

131. Are you getting all your paper from PPC or...?

132. You know what, Jim?

133. I'm not really looking to change things up right now,

134. I just came out here to get out of the office for a little bit,

135. so why don't we just play, okay? - Absolutely, will do.

136. So I guess I'll just... work on my short game.

137. Hello there.

138. What is this company?

139. Well, it's funny that you should ask, because...

140. it's really more than a company...

141. - Dunder Mifflin paper. - Thanks.

142. Dammit, Oscar!

143. Yeah, I'm trying to lure these kids into my booth,

144. but kids are very wary about being "lured" these days.

145. Thank you, Dateline!

146. Thank you.

147. - Extension 128. - Hiya, Pumpkin, it's Creed.

148. Say, we're gonna ditch this bitch. You in?

149. Are you out?

150. Pumpkin's out, let's go, gang!

151. My old art room.

152. Oh, maybe it's still here!

153. No, no. They must have taken it down. Never mind.

154. - What do you want? - Michael, I know you're swamped.

155. I just thought you should know that everyone in the office has left,

156. except for Angela and I. Do not worry though,

157. I have taken down their names, and I have docked them a personal day.

158. Who cares? I'm not there, Jim's not there, why should they have to be there?

159. So... what else is up?

160. Thank you!

161. What, what is this?

162. - A piece of paper. - This isn't Dunder Mifflin paper.

163. Some sort of Pendleton crap.

164. Well I think they'll get the spirit of it.

165. We're dying here. I want you to go back to the office

166. and I want you to get the real stuff. I want you to get ultra white card stock.

167. - Are you serious? - Yes. And don't call me Shirley.

168. Dammit!

169. You know, you can just pick it up, take the triple bogey.

170. Yeah, I'll get it out. Thank you.

171. Come on, Tuna!

172. Hey, can't really talk now, what's up?

173. Just checking in, how's it going?

174. You know, we'll see, we'll see.

175. I just drove 20 miles round-trip back to the office

176. to get Michael a single sheet of white paper.

177. So, I could have just had them fax it to me, I guess.

178. - I like you. - Talk to you later?

179. Yeah. All right. Bye.

180. All right.

181. Sorry, I got to annoy you one more time.

182. What if I bring down shipping costs?

183. You can try.

184. But I've looked at your prices. Even with free shipping?

185. Doesn't work. It's just-it's not in the stars, Jim.

186. Six.

187. All right, race to the next hole!

188. Winner gets ten bucks!

189. - Wait for me! Andy! - Shortcut! Shortcut!

190. I fell in the sandtrap!

191. All of these jobs suck.

192. I would rather live jobless, on a beach somewhere,

193. off the money from a large inheritance...

194. than to have to work in any one of these crap-holes.

195. They suck.

196. Game over.

197. - Just-in time. - Hi.

198. Just-in case. What's your last name?

199. - Polznik. - This just in. Justin Polznik!

200. Justin is the ugly girl in the movie,

201. who takes off her glasses and she's hot!

202. And you realize she was always hot, she was just wearing glasses.

203. And that you were the blind one.

204. He's the most important thing in my life right now.

205. I want you to meet my family. Come on.

206. Oscar Martinez. Accountant extraordinaire. This is Justin.

207. This is Darryl Philbin. Isn't he big?

208. And you already met her, Pam Beesly, office hottie.

209. She will do you.

210. No, no. But she has already dated two guys in the office that we know of,

211. so this could be number three, you never know.

212. Come here.

213. I would never say this to her face,

214. but she is a wonderful person and a gifted artist.

215. Why wouldn't you say that to her face?

216. What do you think? Think these guys are nice?

217. The guys I didn't bring are even better. Justin,

218. I'm willing to commit right now.

219. Would you do me the honor...

220. of spending the summer with us, at Dunder Mifflin?

221. - I think you are very special. - You didn't want me before.

222. - That's what you said. - No, I didn't.

223. - You were kind of a jerk to me. - You misconstrued me.

224. - And I'm, I'm gonna go now. - Why don't...?

225. Bless you.

226. Thank you.

227. Okay, Jim, you owe me one-twenty,

228. and Phil, you owe me two-thirty.

229. Let's open a tab, because you and me are gonna be playing more often.

230. - Count me in! - No.

231. All right!

232. You had some fun, and I think I paid for it.

233. So let me get my last shot in there.

234. Is there anything you can do for me?

235. I'll tell you what. My fiscal year ends in two months.

236. Let's talk then. Sound good?

237. - Absolutely. - Good playing with you guys.

238. You know? It's a tough thing, seeing a grown man take six shots

239. to get out of a sand trap but, I had to give Phil credit for not quitting.

240. Which is what I told him.

241. I also told him I don't quit either,

242. and I'd call him every single day until he gave me his business.

243. Which he then did, after... 15 minutes of me blocking his car.

244. So I am now his paper supplier!

245. And I shot a 102 today, so I'm feeling pretty good.

246. The job fair will be closing in five minutes.

247. Eighth period will commence as scheduled.

248. Hold down the fort, I have to do something.

249. Excuse me.

250. If you can hear me, I'd like you to look around at all these companies

251. and know that none of them are good enough for you.

252. H and R Block? Come on, I mean I don't even know what they do.

253. Frank Regan Funeral Home? Too much formaldehyde!

254. The Air Force?

255. Air Force is cool. The refreshments?

256. Bush league! You know, that's not what you want.

257. Okay I see security is coming so I just want to say,

258. come to Dunder Mifflin. Dunder Mifflin, a great place to work!

259. Anybody? Show of hands, anybody want to intern at Dunder Mifflin?

260. We do not offer college credit, we cannot give you any sort of pay,

261. but it is a really fun work environment.

262. Anybody? Show of hands?

263. Damn... it. Okay,

264. I'm gonna wrap it up here.

265. Thank you for your time,

266. and drive safe.

267. - Thank you. - You're welcome.

268. Beers?

269. You closed it?

270. - I closed it. - Yes!

271. - Congratulations to you, sir. - Thank you very much.

272. - Well done. - Thank you.

273. You know what, screw this!

274. Today I did something stupid: I questioned myself.

275. And I will never do that again.

276. Because I look at somebody like Jim Halpert

277. and I think, that guy could do anything he wants to do.

278. He could do anything,

279. and he chooses to work here, selling paper.

280. Just like me.

281. Yeah, kiss her.

282. Kiss her good.

283. - Hi. - Hello.

284. I was just wondering...

285. what kind of jobs do you guys have? - Are you interested in graphic design?

286. Yeah.

287. - Can I fill out an application? - Oh absolutely, here, take a seat.

288. I should let you know right away, this is just an entry-level job.

289. It's really basic. We're looking for like, a self starter,

290. someone who can meet deadlines and...

291. pretty much just go the extra mile, I guess.

292. - I can do that. - Great. And uh,

293. obviously we're looking for someone who knows Photoshop,

294. and Dreamweaver.

295. Corel Painter, Illustrator, AfterEffects, all the basics.

296. I don't know any of those.

297. It's actually not super-complicated. I'm sure there's some sort of like,

298. adult education classes in the area.

299. But if you're really serious about graphic design,

300. I'd think about New York or Philadelphia,

301. they've got amazing programs out there for design.

302. New York or Philadelphia.

303. All right. Cool, well, thanks.

304. - And I'll look into those. - You should.

305. - New York or Philadelphia. - Absolutely.

306. Thanks.