1. So, do you
want to see it or not?Copy !req
2. I don't know.
They're, like,
Friday night crowds...Copy !req
3. Oh, my God.
You're, like, agoraphobic.Copy !req
4. Agoraphobic?
Yeah.Copy !req
5. Really.
Yeah.Copy !req
6. You would
rather sit on your couch
and watch a Phillies gameCopy !req
7. than go out to a movie
with your awesome girlfriend.Copy !req
8. Absolutely correct.
Later, Jim.Copy !req
9. Kev, have a good weekend.
Yeah, sure.Copy !req
10. Bye.Copy !req
11. Okay, so this is
what's gonna happen.Copy !req
12. You're going to suck it up.
Here we go.Copy !req
13. And we're gonna go to dinner.
Okay.Copy !req
14. And then we're
gonna go to the movies.
Sounds good.Copy !req
15. Hey, Halpert.Copy !req
16. Hey.Copy !req
17. (KAREN SCREAMING)
Roy! Roy!Copy !req
18. God!Copy !req
19. Pam, please call security.Copy !req
20. Every day for eight years,Copy !req
21. I have brought pepper
spray into this officeCopy !req
22. to protect myself
and my fellow employees.Copy !req
23. And every day,
for eight years,Copy !req
24. people have laughed at me.Copy !req
25. Well, who's laughing now?Copy !req
26. No need for consternation.
Everything is under control.Copy !req
27. Michael, last Friday,
one of your employeesCopy !req
28. attacked another
employee in your office.Copy !req
29. It was a crime
of passion, Jan.Copy !req
30. Not a disgruntled employee.Copy !req
31. Everyone here is
extremely gruntled.Copy !req
32. Is Toby there?Copy !req
33. No.Copy !req
34. I'm here, Jan.Copy !req
35. What is the situation, Toby?Copy !req
36. Well,
we fired Roy, obviously.Copy !req
37. And Jim won't press
charges against Roy
or the company.Copy !req
38. Thank God.
Yeah.Copy !req
39. But now, apparently,
Darryl has some issue
with this...Copy !req
40. No, he has been
wanting a raise for
a couple of months,Copy !req
41. and he's just using
this Roy thing as leverage.Copy !req
42. Well, are you gonna
take care of this?Copy !req
43. Yeppers.Copy !req
44. What did I tell
you about "yeppers"?Copy !req
45. I don't remember.Copy !req
46. I told you not to say it.
Do you remember that?Copy !req
47. Yesh.Copy !req
48. I really don't
want to talk about it.Copy !req
49. I don't mean to be rude.Copy !req
50. But I just, I don't want
to comment on what happened.Copy !req
51. It sucked.Copy !req
52. I guess all
things considered,Copy !req
53. I was lucky
Dwight was there.Copy !req
54. And Roy was lucky
that Dwight only
used pepper spray,Copy !req
55. and not the nunchakus
or the throwing stars.Copy !req
56. Hey, man, I never got
a chance to thank you
for stopping Roy.Copy !req
57. Thank you.Copy !req
58. "Thank you" not necessary
and thus not accepted.Copy !req
59. I saw someone
breaking the law
and I interceded.Copy !req
60. Okay.Copy !req
61. Got you something.Copy !req
62. Don't want it.Copy !req
63. You don't know what it is.Copy !req
64. Don't want it, won't open it,
don't need it, won't take it.Copy !req
65. Citizens do not accept prizes
for being citizens.Copy !req
66. It was a little
glass display case
for his bobblehead.Copy !req
67. That would have made
his evening, I think.Copy !req
68. He saves my life,
I get him a box
for his desk toy.Copy !req
69. Even-Steven.Copy !req
70. No, don't call me a hero.Copy !req
71. Do you know who
the real heroes are?Copy !req
72. The guys who wake
up every morningCopy !req
73. and go into
their normal jobs,Copy !req
74. and get a distress call
from the CommissionerCopy !req
75. and take off their glasses
and change into capesCopy !req
76. and fly around fighting crime.Copy !req
77. Those are the real heroes.Copy !req
78. Angela, Roy's check.Copy !req
79. He's coming in
later to pick it up.Copy !req
80. Man,
I cannot believe
I missed the fight.Copy !req
81. It was crazy.
Man.Copy !req
82. You saw it?Copy !req
83. Describe it, please.Copy !req
84. Well...Copy !req
85. I heard some shouting,
and I look over
and Roy's by reception,Copy !req
86. and you could just tell
he's gonna punch somebody.Copy !req
87. Jim says something,
Roy stops over there,
all of a sudden, bam,Copy !req
88. Roy goes down
and Dwight's standing
there like an action hero.Copy !req
89. Oh.Copy !req
90. It was insane.Copy !req
91. Well, good for Dwight.Copy !req
92. Okay, I want
you to be Darryl
and ask me for a raiseCopy !req
93. because I need to
try out some of these
negotiation tactics on you.Copy !req
94. Where'd you get that?Copy !req
95. Wikipedia.Copy !req
96. Wikipedia is
the best thing ever.Copy !req
97. Anyone in the world can
write anything they want
about any subject,Copy !req
98. so you know you are getting
the best possible information.Copy !req
99. Okay, Darryl,
ask me for a raise.Copy !req
100. Hey, Mike,
since Roy left
I've been doingCopy !req
101. a lot more work
and I need a raise.Copy !req
102. Well,
that's interesting, Darryl.Copy !req
103. I think that
maybe you should...Copy !req
104. Can't hear you.Copy !req
105. What I'm saying is that...Copy !req
106. Still nothing.Copy !req
107. Okay. See what I did?Copy !req
108. No.Copy !req
109. By leaning back
and by whispering,Copy !req
110. I established
a dominant physical position.Copy !req
111. Nice.Copy !req
112. Okay, let's try another one.Copy !req
113. Okay.Copy !req
114. Walking out of
the room unexpectedly.Copy !req
115. And what happens in this one?Copy !req
116. That's a surprise.
Okay.Copy !req
117. Go ahead,
ask me for a raise.Copy !req
118. Can I have a raise?Copy !req
119. Sex.
Steve Martin.
Teri Hatcher.Copy !req
120. What?
What?Copy !req
121. Well, what did you say?Copy !req
122. I didn't say anything.
I was waiting to
see what would happen.Copy !req
123. No, it's...Copy !req
124. It sounded interesting,
what you were gonna...Copy !req
125. I saw the perpetrator advance
towards the victim at a high
rate of speed.Copy !req
126. His head was thrown back,
his shoulder and arm cocked,Copy !req
127. indicating an attack position.Copy !req
128. Perp grabbed the victim.Copy !req
129. I removed my weapon
from its secure hiding place.Copy !req
130. Which is where?Copy !req
131. Irrelevant.Copy !req
132. Discharged it at a distance
of a little over a meterCopy !req
133. into the perpetrator's
eyes, nose and face area,Copy !req
134. rendering him utterly
and completely disabled.Copy !req
135. Then I contacted
the authorities.Copy !req
136. The end.Copy !req
137. Thanks, Dwight.Copy !req
138. That is the bravest
thing I have ever heard.Copy !req
139. I can't imagine
what I would have done.Copy !req
140. I can.Copy !req
141. You would have left
me to fend for myself.Copy !req
142. Like the time we were
on the Ferris wheel,Copy !req
143. and that kid
dropped a milkshake
on me and you just laughed.Copy !req
144. Well, that was funny.
That's why.Copy !req
145. Oh, it was?Copy !req
146. Okay, well, the next
time that you get scared
that you think a murdererCopy !req
147. is in your apartment
in the middle of the night,Copy !req
148. and you call me
to calm you down...Copy !req
149. Okay, you know what, I...Copy !req
150. Could you stop?
you can just
call somebody elseCopy !req
151. because I'm not going
to do it anymore, Ryan.
I'm not.Copy !req
152. Well, don't talk to me
about calling...Copy !req
153. There's a bunch
of people back here.Copy !req
154. I call you in
the middle of the night...
Guys.Copy !req
155. to tell you
that I love you.Copy !req
156. I don't think Michael intended
to punish me by putting Ryan
back here with Kelly.Copy !req
157. But if he did
intend that...Copy !req
158. Wow.Copy !req
159. Genius.Copy !req
160. (KNOCK ON DOOR)
Yeah?Copy !req
161. You ready for me?Copy !req
162. Yes, yeah.
Absolutely. Have a seat.Copy !req
163. You know what,
actually, let's go
into the conference room.Copy !req
164. Okay.Copy !req
165. No, you know what,
let's stay here.Copy !req
166. Let's go.Copy !req
167. Yeah, let's go to
the conference room.Copy !req
168. Tactic number six.Copy !req
169. Change the location
of the meeting at
the last second.Copy !req
170. Totally throws them off.Copy !req
171. Number 14,
declining to speak first.Copy !req
172. Makes them
feel uncomfortable,
puts you in control.Copy !req
173. I am declining
to speak first.Copy !req
174. Okay, I'll start.
It's pretty simple, really.Copy !req
175. I think I deserve a raise.Copy !req
176. I'm scheduled to
get one in six months,Copy !req
177. but I'd like that
to be moved up to now.Copy !req
178. Darryl, you areCopy !req
179. a good worker and a good man.Copy !req
180. I just...
You know, times are tight,Copy !req
181. and I just don't
think corporate'sCopy !req
182. going to go for
this right now.Copy !req
183. Are you wearing lady clothes?Copy !req
184. What?Copy !req
185. Are you
wearing lady clothes?
Those look like lady pants.Copy !req
186. No. This is a power suit.Copy !req
187. That there is
a woman's suit.Copy !req
188. I do not buy
women's clothes.Copy !req
189. Do not make
that mistake again.Copy !req
190. I'm going to call Roy,
man.Copy !req
191. Okay. All right.Copy !req
192. This is going to
make him feel better.Copy !req
193. This is too good.
All right.Copy !req
194. You know what,
Pam, would you pleaseCopy !req
195. tell Darryl that this
is not a woman's suit?Copy !req
196. Oh, my God.
That's a woman's suit.Copy !req
197. You're wearing
a woman's suit?
No.Copy !req
198. I do...
I wear men's suits. Okay?Copy !req
199. I got this out of a bin.Copy !req
200. There were these
huge bins of clothes,Copy !req
201. and everybody was riffling
through them like crazy.Copy !req
202. And I grabbed one.Copy !req
203. And it fit.Copy !req
204. So I don't think
that this is totally
just a woman's suit.Copy !req
205. At the very least,
it's bisexual.Copy !req
206. Who makes it?Copy !req
207. It is mysterious,
because the buttons
are on the wrong side.Copy !req
208. That's the mystery.Copy !req
209. Look, it's got shoulder pads.
And did you see that lining?Copy !req
210. Okay.
Did you see that?Copy !req
211. Would you stop it, please?Copy !req
212. So none of that
tipped you off?Copy !req
213. It's European, okay?
It's a European cut.Copy !req
214. Michael, the pants
don't have any pockets.Copy !req
215. No, they don't, see?Copy !req
216. Italians don't wear pockets.Copy !req
217. It's been a really
rough couple of days.Copy !req
218. This helps a little.Copy !req
219. Hey, maybe you want to
come over and raid my closet?Copy !req
220. No, I don't want to do that
because I'm twice your size
anyway.Copy !req
221. Yeah, he look
like Hillary Clinton.Copy !req
222. Let's just do this in 15.Copy !req
223. Okay, can you stand
right there for one second?Copy !req
224. I got to send
some e-mails.Copy !req
225. Negotiations are
all about controlling things,Copy !req
226. about being
in the driver's seat.Copy !req
227. And you make one
tiny mistake, you're dead.Copy !req
228. I made one tiny mistake.Copy !req
229. I wore women's clothes.Copy !req
230. So, Karen, how do
you feel that Roy tried
to kick your boyfriend's assCopy !req
231. over another woman?Copy !req
232. I feel great, Kevin.
Thank you.Copy !req
233. You must have been scared
out of your mind.Copy !req
234. Well, you know,
it happened so fast,Copy !req
235. I didn't really
have time to be scared.Copy !req
236. What happened, exactly?Copy !req
237. I wasn't here.
So I haven't really
heard the whole story.Copy !req
238. Well, Jim and I were talking.Copy !req
239. And Roy walked in,
looking super angry.Copy !req
240. And he's a big dude,
you know?Copy !req
241. And all of a sudden,
Jim pushed me out of the wayCopy !req
242. and Roy cocked his fist.Copy !req
243. And then?Copy !req
244. And then,
bam, Dwight sprays him
and knocks him on his butt.Copy !req
245. Goodness.Copy !req
246. When I heard Jim
and Pam had kissed,Copy !req
247. my reaction was to
have lots of long talks
with Jim about our feelings.Copy !req
248. Roy just attacked him.Copy !req
249. I'm not sure which
one Jim hated more.Copy !req
250. Let's get down
to business.Copy !req
251. Why don't you
tell me why you think
you deserve a raise.Copy !req
252. Well, it's simple, Mike.Copy !req
253. I mean,
we merged these
two branches, right?Copy !req
254. So now we're shipping twice
as many orders as we used to.Copy !req
255. And with Roy gone,
we've got a smaller crew.Copy !req
256. And I'm picking up
all of his slack,Copy !req
257. so I think I should be
compensated fairly by
getting a raise.Copy !req
258. Well, those are
very good points.Copy !req
259. What? I can't hear you.Copy !req
260. Those are very
good points.Copy !req
261. I can't...
What, Mike? Are you...Copy !req
262. You make a very
compelling argument.Copy !req
263. Sorry I almost
got you killed.Copy !req
264. Yeah.Copy !req
265. That was nuts.Copy !req
266. He could have
broken your nose
or something. Crazy.Copy !req
267. It's just so stupid.
I mean, getting back
with Roy and everything.Copy !req
268. I mean,
what I was thinking, right?Copy !req
269. No, I mean,
you guys really seem
to have a strong connection.Copy !req
270. Not anymore.
It's completely over now.Copy !req
271. We'll see.Copy !req
272. I'm sure you guys will
find your way back to
one another someday.Copy !req
273. Jim.Copy !req
274. I am really sorry.Copy !req
275. Oh, yeah.
Don't worry about it.Copy !req
276. I'm going to give
you a piece of paper.Copy !req
277. I want you to write down
how much you want.Copy !req
278. Then I want
you to slide it back
across the desk to me.Copy !req
279. Why can't I just tell you?Copy !req
280. Because that is the way
these things are done
in films.Copy !req
281. Now slide it. Yes.Copy !req
282. There you go.Copy !req
283. Oh, come on. Be serious.Copy !req
284. I am serious, Mike.
That's a 10-percent raise.Copy !req
285. That's what I want.
I can't give you that.Copy !req
286. I don't make this much.Copy !req
287. Come on, be for real, Mike.Copy !req
288. I don't.
I'll prove it to you.Copy !req
289. There is a pay stub.Copy !req
290. Are you serious?
You're earning this?Copy !req
291. Plus perks. Yes.Copy !req
292. Mike,
this is barely
more than I make.Copy !req
293. You've been here
ten years, dawg.Copy !req
294. Fourteen years.Copy !req
295. No, please, please don't.Copy !req
296. I'm sorry, Mike.
Some mofos got to
hear about this one.Copy !req
297. Okay. Let's take 15 again.Copy !req
298. A boss' salary
isn't just about money.Copy !req
299. It is about perks. It...Copy !req
300. For example, every year
I get a $100 gas card.Copy !req
301. Can't put
a price tag on that.Copy !req
302. Okay. If you don't want
a gift, at least let meCopy !req
303. buy you a beer or
lunch or something.Copy !req
304. When Han Solo
returns to the Death Star
in the Millennium Falcon,Copy !req
305. and shoots down
the TIE fighters and
saves the Rebel cause,Copy !req
306. do you think he does so
for a free beer?Copy !req
307. Boy, I...
No.Copy !req
308. And why are you so interested
in buying me something, Jim?Copy !req
309. What's your angle?Copy !req
310. It's like when he annoys me
and I want to screw with himCopy !req
311. to get him back,
he never sees it coming.Copy !req
312. But now I want
to be nice to himCopy !req
313. and actually
give him something,Copy !req
314. and he's like an eel.Copy !req
315. I just can't grab onto him.
It's infuriating.Copy !req
316. Maybe you just feel guilty
about all the pranks.Copy !req
317. No.Copy !req
318. Yes.
That's probably what it is.Copy !req
319. So what do I do?Copy !req
320. I don't know.Copy !req
321. Maybe you should
go back out thereCopy !req
322. and sell paper so
we can go on a trip.Copy !req
323. Michael?
Here's the $15 I owe you.Copy !req
324. Thank you.
Yeah.Copy !req
325. I heard you might need it,
so...Copy !req
326. Here's the $40 you gave me.Copy !req
327. I didn't give you $40.Copy !req
328. In a way, you did.Copy !req
329. Yeah. I heard how
much Michael makes.Copy !req
330. I still think
he's way overpaid.Copy !req
331. Fourteen years.Copy !req
332. Fourteen.Copy !req
333. I know.Copy !req
334. Okay, all right, I got to go.
Late.Copy !req
335. Okay. Okay.
Here's the straight dope.Copy !req
336. No tricks, no Wikipedia.Copy !req
337. What?Copy !req
338. I talked to corporate
and they told me thatCopy !req
339. I can only give you
a five-percent raise.Copy !req
340. That's 'cause of you, Mike.Copy !req
341. They're not going to
give the working man
more than the boss.Copy !req
342. Well, what am I
supposed to do?Copy !req
343. Get your own raise.Copy !req
344. You've got to get out
there and earn, son.Copy !req
345. I'm not going to go out
and ask for a raise right now.Copy !req
346. That is ridiculous.Copy !req
347. Well, when they merged
the two branches together,Copy !req
348. they put you in charge.Copy !req
349. Okay? And we're shipping
more now than we ever have.Copy !req
350. That's true.
Yeah, that's true.Copy !req
351. You got to call
your girl and get paid.Copy !req
352. Show her who wears the pants
in the relationship.Copy !req
353. You know what, I should.Copy !req
354. Yeah, you should.Copy !req
355. I've been a loyal
employee for a long time.Copy !req
356. Fourteen years long.Copy !req
357. You know what,
I deserve a bump.Copy !req
358. Make it happen, Captain.Copy !req
359. I am making it happen,
Sergeant.Copy !req
360. I remember it was
very late at night,
like 1 1:00, 1 1:30.Copy !req
361. Big fella
comes in screaming
about God knows what.Copy !req
362. I think maybe
Halpert had stolen his car,Copy !req
363. something like that.Copy !req
364. So the big fella
pulls out a sock
filled with nickels.Copy !req
365. Then Schrute grabs
a can of hairspray
and a lighter...Copy !req
366. You're useless.Copy !req
367. Well, why don't
we talk next month
after the quarter ends?Copy !req
368. No, Jan.Copy !req
369. I've never asked
for a raise in 14 years.Copy !req
370. This is long overdue.
I want to do it today.Copy !req
371. Today?Copy !req
372. All right, well,
if you want to do it today,
we should do it in person,Copy !req
373. and can you
get here by 5:00?Copy !req
374. Yeah.
Yeah, I'll leave right away.Copy !req
375. Great.Copy !req
376. And listen,
because of our,
you know, situation,Copy !req
377. we're going to need to
have a third party present.Copy !req
378. Yes. I'm bringing Darryl.Copy !req
379. Darryl from the warehouse?
Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
380. No, Michael, we...
We need an HR rep,Copy !req
381. so I think you
should just bring Toby.Copy !req
382. Hey, I'd rather kill myself.Copy !req
383. Michael,
he's your branch's HR rep...Copy !req
384. No, Toby is terrible.Copy !req
385. and we need
someone else in the room...Copy !req
386. Toby is the worst
human being I've ever known.Copy !req
387. because of our
relationship.
Michael!Copy !req
388. Either Toby
comes with you
or we don't do it.Copy !req
389. Fine.Copy !req
390. You are so mean.Copy !req
391. I don't know
what you're talking about.Copy !req
392. Yes, you do,
Ryan Bailey Howard.Copy !req
393. You called me stupid.
No. I said...Copy !req
394. Toby, come on, let's go.Copy !req
395. Where?
Where?Copy !req
396. I'm going to smack you in
the head with a hammer.
Come on, let's go.Copy !req
397. What is so stupid
about wanting to name
a baby Usher?Copy !req
398. All right.Copy !req
399. Usher Jennifer Hudson Kapour.Copy !req
400. Don't you see
why that's insane?Copy !req
401. Oh, so I'm crazy now?Copy !req
402. Comfortable, Mike?Copy !req
403. Yeah.Copy !req
404. What about you, man,
you comfortable?Copy !req
405. No.Copy !req
406. Don't ever touch
a black man's radio.Copy !req
407. Chris Tucker, Rush Hour.Copy !req
408. I won't touch yours,
by the way.Copy !req
409. Thank you.Copy !req
410. I haven't been to
New York in a long time.Copy !req
411. Big Apple.Copy !req
412. Maybe I'll stay overnight.Copy !req
413. I got a cousin
who lives down there.Copy !req
414. How will we get home?Copy !req
415. Oh, you can stay, too.
He's got a big place.Copy !req
416. Maybe I'll stay.Copy !req
417. It's not that big.Copy !req
418. Buses, though,
will get you home quick.Copy !req
419. And then all of a sudden
Dwight stood up and was
like, "No!"Copy !req
420. (PHONE RINGING)
Then what did he do?Copy !req
421. Well, you should just
read the report that
Toby did.Copy !req
422. He took everyone's stories.Copy !req
423. Dunder Mifflin,
customer service.
This is Kelly.Copy !req
424. Oh, yeah,
I can totally
help you with that.Copy !req
425. Okay. Let me just
get the folder out.Copy !req
426. Okay, it seems here
that you ordered
12,000 reams of paper.Copy !req
427. Oh, 12 reams?Copy !req
428. Hey, guys.
Jan is ready for you.Copy !req
429. Okay.Copy !req
430. Okay. Bring it home now.Copy !req
431. And don't forget the new
black-man phrase I taught you.Copy !req
432. Pippety poppety,
give me the zoppety.Copy !req
433. Yes, sir.
Remember that.Copy !req
434. I'll be right outside
if you need me.Copy !req
435. All right.Copy !req
436. Yeah. I taught
Mike some new phrases.Copy !req
437. I want him to
get the raise.Copy !req
438. I just can't help myself.Copy !req
439. Hey, man...Copy !req
440. I'm sorry.Copy !req
441. Thanks.Copy !req
442. Can I, like,
see you after work
for coffee or something?Copy !req
443. I don't know.Copy !req
444. Please.Copy !req
445. I just got some stuff
I got to say to you.Copy !req
446. Jim.Copy !req
447. Roy. Look out!Copy !req
448. Thanks, Kev.
I'm good, though.Copy !req
449. Thank you, Hunter.Copy !req
450. Hello. Come in.Copy !req
451. Okay.Copy !req
452. Who is the boy toy?Copy !req
453. That's my new assistant.Copy !req
454. Were you going
to tell me that you
hired James Van Der Beek?Copy !req
455. I have to
call you the second
I get a new assistant now?Copy !req
456. Be nice to get a memo.
We are lovers.Copy !req
457. Hi, Jan.Copy !req
458. Hi, Toby.Copy !req
459. (CLEARING THROAT)
First...Copy !req
460. First off, Michael,
this is a salary negotiation.Copy !req
461. All matters regarding
our personal relationshipCopy !req
462. have to be set aside.
Are we clear?Copy !req
463. Bippety, boppety.Copy !req
464. Right now, we can offer you
a six-percent raise.Copy !req
465. Six percent?
After all we've been through?Copy !req
466. Oh, God.
I got you jade earrings.Copy !req
467. Michael.
No.Copy !req
468. No. No.
Michael.Copy !req
469. You're going to
play it like this?Copy !req
470. You give me a good raise
or no more sex.Copy !req
471. What are you writing,
perv-ball?Copy !req
472. Just preparing
for the deposition.Copy !req
473. This may the first time
that a male subordinate
has attemptedCopy !req
474. to get a modest,
scheduled raiseCopy !req
475. by threatening
to withhold sex
from a female superior.Copy !req
476. It will be
a groundbreaking caseCopy !req
477. when it
inevitably goes to trial.Copy !req
478. I'm so sorry, Pammy.Copy !req
479. I mean, I wasn't going
to do anything, but then...Copy !req
480. I kept thinking
about you two together.Copy !req
481. I just thought you guys
were really good friendsCopy !req
482. or maybe he was
gay or something.Copy !req
483. Not that that's wrong.Copy !req
484. I'm sorry, too.Copy !req
485. I just...
I think that we both
made some bad choices.Copy !req
486. So, you going to
start dating Halpert then?Copy !req
487. No.Copy !req
488. No. He has a girlfriend.Copy !req
489. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
490. Wait a minute,
you broke up our
wedding for the guy.Copy !req
491. No.Copy !req
492. There were a lot of reasons.Copy !req
493. What,
you're not even going
to try to go out with him?Copy !req
494. I don't get you, Pam.Copy !req
495. I know.Copy !req
496. What's this?Copy !req
497. What's what?Copy !req
498. "Certificate of Bravery from
the Scranton Police DepartmentCopy !req
499. "recognizing
outstanding citizenship
from a very brave young man,Copy !req
500. "Dwight K. Schrute."Copy !req
501. Wow. I guess word got around.
That's a nice honor.Copy !req
502. Please.
They hand these
out to little kids.Copy !req
503. Look, there's a teddy bear
in a policeman's cap.Copy !req
504. Didn't think you'd notice.Copy !req
505. Why don't you
just take that pen
and stab me in the heart?Copy !req
506. This is me, Jan.
This is me.Copy !req
507. Okay.
Michael, please.Copy !req
508. You know, why don't
we just take a break?Copy !req
509. Okay.
This is...Copy !req
510. This is going nowhere.
No. No. No.Copy !req
511. You do not try
tactic number eight on me.Copy !req
512. I invented
tactic number eight.Copy !req
513. I'm not going anywhere.Copy !req
514. Okay, Toby,
how about if you...Copy !req
515. Sure.
Great.Copy !req
516. What's wrong with you?Copy !req
517. I don't know.
Was a weird day.Copy !req
518. I accidentally cross-dressed.Copy !req
519. And then
Darryl made me feel bad
for not making any money.Copy !req
520. And then I had
to ride up here
with stupid Toby.Copy !req
521. And then your assistant
is all young and hot and I...Copy !req
522. Okay, Michael.Copy !req
523. I can offer you
a 12-percent raise,Copy !req
524. but you have
got to ask for 15.Copy !req
525. That's ridiculous.
I'm never going to...Copy !req
526. No, just...Copy !req
527. I just need you
to ask for it so I can
record that you asked for it.Copy !req
528. Okay?Copy !req
529. Ah so.Copy !req
530. All right, Levinson,
here's the rub.Copy !req
531. I would like
a 15-percent raise.Copy !req
532. No, but we can offer you 12.Copy !req
533. But you just said 15.Copy !req
534. Negotiation is an art.Copy !req
535. Back and forth.
Give and take.Copy !req
536. And today,
both Darryl and
I took something.Copy !req
537. Higher salaries.Copy !req
538. Win, win, win.Copy !req
539. But, you know,
life is about more
than just salary.Copy !req
540. It's about perks.Copy !req
541. Like having sex with Jan...Copy !req
542. Michael.Copy !req
543. So, you and Bob are looking
at a historical house?Copy !req
544. Near the river.Copy !req
545. How many bedrooms?
Four.Copy !req
546. Dwight. Dwight.Copy !req
547. I've been doing some
very interesting reading.Copy !req
548. Really?Copy !req
549. Tales of bravery.Copy !req
550. Good stuff?Copy !req
551. I was thinking
tonight we could
read it together.Copy !req
552. That soundsCopy !req
553. fun.Copy !req
554. I...Copy !req
555. will never say a word.Copy !req
556. And now we are even.Copy !req
557. I graduated
from anger managementCopy !req
558. the same way
I graduated from Cornell.Copy !req
559. On time.Copy !req
560. Now I'm back,
got a second chance
and I'm not going to blow it.Copy !req
561. So, look out,
Dunder Mifflin.Copy !req
562. I mean "look out"
in a fun way.Copy !req
563. You know, not like,
"I'm going to hurt you."Copy !req
564. Hey, guys, guess who's back?Copy !req
565. Oh, God!Copy !req
566. No need to thank me.Copy !req
567. I'm not a hero.Copy !req
568. I'm a mere defender
of the office.Copy !req
569. You know who's a real hero?Copy !req
570. Hiro from Heroes.Copy !req
571. That's a hero.Copy !req
572. Also Bono.Copy !req