1. Hey, Kevin. Nice of you to join us.
Where were you?
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2. My tire blew out on the way here, Michael.
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3. I almost died. I went into this skid...
Pop quiz.
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4. What?
Why is today a special day?
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5. I almost died.
Today is a special day
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6. because I am being honored
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7. as a visiting professor.
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8. Special lecturer?
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9. Emeritus, how did you put it?
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10. You will be a guest speaker
in my Emerging Enterprises class.
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11. In business school, Kevin.
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12. Business school.
Wow.
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13. If you bring your boss to class,
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14. it automatically bumps you up
a full-letter grade.
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15. So,
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16. I'd be stupid not to do it, right?
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17. A boss is like a teacher.
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18. And I am like the cool teacher.
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19. Like Mr. Handell.
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20. Mr. Handell would hang out with us,
and he would tell us awesome jokes.
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21. And he actually
hooked up with one of the students,
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22. and then, like, 12 other kids came forward.
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23. It was in all the papers.
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24. Really ruined eighth grade for us.
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25. Here we go. College road show.
Gotta bring our A game.
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26. What is the most inspiring thing
I ever said to you?
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27. "Don't be an idiot." Changed my life.
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28. Whenever I'm about to do something,
I think, "Would an idiot do that?"
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29. And if they would, I do not do that thing.
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30. Will they throw their hats, you think?
What?
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31. A lot of times, at a school or naval academy,
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32. after a rousing speech the crowd will
throw its hats high into the air.
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33. You understand, nobody's graduating.
Yeah, I know. I know.
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34. I'm just saying, if they did throw their hats,
I've got a great line for that.
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35. May your hats fly as high your dreams!
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36. That was a pretty good line.
I'm just...
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37. It doesn't apply.
I understand! Wow! Relax, spazzy boy!
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38. Sometimes you're such a little spaz!
God, I'm driving!
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39. Hey!
Quit it.
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40. We have fun!
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41. I can't wait for your art show tonight.
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42. Okay, just so you know,
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43. it's just the students from my class
in a little studio.
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44. I wouldn't miss it for the world.
Thanks.
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45. I'm really happy to be back with Roy.
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46. I think it shows maturity,
maturity and dignity.
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47. Is that braggy? I don't mean it to be braggy.
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48. Love you!
You, too.
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49. Pam's with Roy, I'm with Karen,
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50. and Brangelina is with Frangelina.
Moving on!
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51. I can't believe
you're back together with Roy.
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52. Oh, yeah.
We have such a solid foundation, you know.
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53. Oh, my God, you're so in love now.
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54. Yeah. You should come to my art show,
by the way.
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55. Art show!
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56. I mean, it's not a big deal,
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57. but I think a lot of people from the office
are gonna be there.
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58. Yeah. Definitely, I'll be there. For sure.
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59. Campus. Brings back so many memories
that I would have made.
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60. Hey, Frisbee! Check that out!
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61. What do you say
we get our frizz on before class? Come on.
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62. Yeah!
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63. Dude!
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64. Oh, my God.
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65. Animal stool.
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66. Dwight, what are you doing?
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67. Solving a mystery,
if that's quite all right with you!
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68. Come to papa!
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69. Okay, ladies and gentlemen.
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70. What we have here is a bird
that has been trapped in a vent.
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71. Fortunately, I have found it before...
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72. (SCREAMING)
Bat! Get it out!
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73. Bat! Bat!
Oh, my God!
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74. Bat!
What do you mean...
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75. No, I won't remain calm!
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76. There it goes!
Goodbye.
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77. God, this is Angela Martin.
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78. Please don't let that stupid thing
come anywhere near me.
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79. Please make it go away!
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80. Okay. This is it.
Ryan is doing my intro right now.
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81. Dunder Mifflin can't compete
with the modern chains,
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82. and management is unwilling
or unable to adapt.
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83. Their customers are dying off...
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84. I can't hear what he's saying,
but he looks like he's really into it.
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85. We have a bat in the office.
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86. Simple solution would be to open a window,
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87. if we had windows that could open.
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88. Poop is raining from the ceilings.
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89. Poop.
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90. Okay, thanks.
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91. Animal Control will be here at 6:00.
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92. At 6:00? No, that is unacceptable.
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93. Okay, Jim.
You are the number two in this office.
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94. You need to step up
and show some leadership!
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95. I'm sorry, what'd you say?
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96. So weird.
What? What's so weird?
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97. The bat... I mean, I know I felt it bite me,
but look, there's no mark.
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98. I feel so tingly,
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99. so strangely powerful.
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100. Oh, well.
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101. And now, without further ado,
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102. I present the regional manager
of Dunder Mifflin, Scranton, Michael Scott.
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103. Hello, everyone, I am Michael Scott...
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104. Hello, I'm Brandon Fidalgo,
CEO of The Teaching Company. These...
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105. And I'd like to start today by inspiring you.
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106. May I borrow someone's textbook, please?
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107. Thank you.
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108. What have we here? Ooh, economics.
Very, very interesting.
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109. You cannot learn from books.
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110. Replace these pages with life lessons,
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111. and then you will have a book
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112. that is worth its weight in gold.
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113. I know, those are expensive,
but the lesson is priceless.
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114. Good.
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115. All right, I think you're inspired.
Shall we proceed?
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116. There are four kinds of business,
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117. tourism, food service, railroads and sales.
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118. And hospitalslmanufacturing.
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119. And air travel.
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120. This is your job, Halpert.
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121. Ow!
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122. What happened?
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123. That bread on your desk. I just picked it up.
It's white hot.
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124. But, Jim, this garlic bread is cold.
What?
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125. No, it burned me, I...
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126. Bizarre.
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127. No.
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128. No. One crisis at a time.
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129. If a vampire bat was in the U.S.
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130. It would make sense for it to come
to a "Sylvania," like Pennsylvania.
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131. Now, that doesn't mean
that Jim is gonna become a vampire.
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132. Only that he carries the vampiric germ.
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133. So, you want to start a business.
How do you start?
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134. What do you need?
Well, first of all, you need a building.
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135. And secondly, you need supply,
you need something to sell.
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136. Now, this could be anything.
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137. It could be a thingamajig
or a who's- he-what's- he
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138. or a Whatchamacallit.
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139. Now, you need to sell those
in order to have a PayDay.
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140. And if you sell enough of them,
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141. you will make a 100 GRAND.
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142. Satisfied?
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143. This looks great. I'd love to be there,
but my daughter's play is tonight.
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144. Damn it!
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145. You know, one of the other parents
will probably videotape it.
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146. So...
Oh, no, you should go.
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147. Well, it's important to support local art.
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148. You know? And what they do is not art.
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149. Okay,
I'm seeing some confused faces out there.
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150. Let me slow down a little bit,
break this down.
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151. Okay.
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152. The more stickers you sell, the more profit,
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153. fancy word for money,
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154. you have to buy
PlayStations and Beanie Babies...
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155. Michael...
and products!
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156. What we normally do here is
more of a question and answer thing.
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157. Well, okay... I'm just kind of getting going...
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158. Yeah, I know.
All right, okay.
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159. Well, we can do questions.
Okay, very good. First hand up.
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160. Sir, as a company
that primarily distributes paper,
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161. how have you adapted
your business model to function
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162. in an increasingly paperless world?
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163. We can't overestimate
the value of computers.
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164. Yes, they are great for playing games
and forwarding funny e-mails,
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165. but real business is done on paper, okay?
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166. Write that down.
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167. Hey, Jim, here's the aspirin you wanted.
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168. Oh, thank God.
I've such a headache from that glare.
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169. What glare?
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170. The glare off Angela's crucifix. It's blinding.
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171. I don't have a lot of experience
with vampires,
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172. but I have hunted werewolves.
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173. I shot one once, but by the time I got to it,
it had turned back into my neighbor's dog.
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174. Extraordinary events call
for extraordinary actions.
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175. Will you form an allegiance...
Sure.
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176. to use sudden violence?
Okay.
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177. Do you have the tools
to turn a wooden mop handle into a stake?
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178. What size?
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179. What do you say to a customer
who wants to leave you
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180. for the convenience and savings
of a nationwide chain?
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181. I say, "You will miss our service
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182. "and I absolutely guarantee
you'll come back."
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183. Has anyone ever come back?
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184. We don't want them back. They're stupid.
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185. How far has your Herfindahl Index
declined since the merger?
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186. Nice try.
How's your Polack-says-what Index?
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187. What?
Thanks, Kowalski.
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188. Can we get back on track here?
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189. By your own employee's calculation,
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190. you'll be obsolete
in the next five to ten years.
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191. Wait. Ryan said that?
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192. What are you doing?
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193. You better not hurt that little bat.
Animals can't feel pain.
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194. Don't hurt that bat, Creed!
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195. It's a living thing with feelings and a family!
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196. Flush him towards the door.
On my go! Now!
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197. Bat!
Kill it! Kill it! Kill it!
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198. I am a hero.
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199. Yeah, sure. You know business.
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200. Sitting up here in your ivory tower
and your ebony tower.
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201. Well, you know what?
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202. I tell you one thing,
Dunder Mifflin is here to stay!
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203. But how can you compete
against a company
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204. with the resources of a nationwide chain?
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205. David will always beat Goliath!
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206. But there's five Goliaths.
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207. There's Staples, OfficeMax...
Yeah, yeah.
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208. You know what else is facing five Goliaths?
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209. America. Al-Qaeda.
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210. Global warming. Sex predators.
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211. Mercury poisoning.
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212. So do we just give up?
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213. Is that
what we're learning in business school?
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214. But in the big picture, you have...
Dunder Mifflin is the big picture!
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215. Can't you understand that?
No, you can't, you're too young.
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216. Ryan has never made a sale.
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217. And he started a fire,
trying to make a cheesy pita.
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218. And everybody thinks he's a tease.
Well, you know what?
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219. He doesn't know anything
and neither do you.
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220. So, suck on that!
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221. It wasn't personal.
Business is always personal.
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222. It's the most personal thing in the world.
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223. When we get back to the office,
pack your things.
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224. Pack my...
You heard me. Pack your things.
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225. I really want to come out!
Good night, Mary Beth!
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226. So, you're cool to just wait here
for Animal Control?
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227. Animal Control?
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228. I've been controlling animals
since I was six.
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229. Cool. Okay.
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230. I'm gonna go home and lie down,
draw the shades.
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231. There's just so much sun in here.
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232. Bye, Dwight.
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233. Goodbye, Jim.
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234. And good luck.
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235. Jim is on a path now,
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236. an eternal journey, and I wish him well.
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237. But I have a destiny in this realm.
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238. Specifically, in the kitchen.
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239. And it's all from the same series.
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240. Called Impressions.
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241. Not that I would call myself
an impressionist per se.
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242. But maybe one day.
I hope so.
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243. I still need,
you know, my breakthrough or whatever.
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244. Hey, babe.
Hey!
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245. How are you?
Good.
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246. I brought my brother.
Hey, Kenny.
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247. Hey, Pam.
Hey.
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248. How about this, huh?
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249. I show up with my brother
and no one from work is here.
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250. That's pretty cool, huh?
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251. Magic time.
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252. My hair!
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253. Get off! Get off me!
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254. Get it off me! Get off me!
Hold still, woman!
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255. Get it off!
I got it! I got it!
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256. Get it off!
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257. You're welcome.
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258. It's cool if I go, right?
I mean, I looked at all of them.
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259. Yeah. I'll just... I'll drive myself home.
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260. To my place?
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261. Maybe. I'm a little tired.
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262. Your art was the prettiest art of all the art.
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263. Thank you.
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264. Look, I'm sorry, okay?
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265. I was just trying to do my presentation.
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266. And, of course I was wrong
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267. to suggest that Dunder Mifflin
might ever go out of business.
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268. But you don't have to fire me.
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269. Fire you? No, no, no.
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270. You are moving to the annex.
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271. To the annex?
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272. Where Kelly is?
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273. A good manager doesn't fire people.
He hires people and inspires people.
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274. People, Ryan.
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275. And people will never go out of business.
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276. You're the one who said
we needed more culture.
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277. This is culture to you?
It's her first try.
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278. Yeah. On Van Gogh's first try,
he drew the hands of the peasants.
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279. Meaning what?
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280. Meaning real art takes courage, okay,
and honesty.
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281. Well, those aren't Pam's strong points.
Yeah, exactly. That's why this is motel art.
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282. Thanks for coming.
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283. Pamcasso!
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284. Sorry I'm late. I had to race across town.
Oh, Michael.
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285. Wow!
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286. You did these? Freehand?
Yep.
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287. My God, these could be tracings.
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288. Look at this one. Wow!
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289. You nailed it.
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290. How much?
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291. What do you mean?
I don't see a price.
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292. You want to buy it?
Well, yeah.
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293. Yeah, we have to have it for the office.
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294. I mean, there's my window.
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295. And there's my car!
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296. Is that your car?
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297. That is our building.
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298. And we sell paper.
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299. I am really proud of you.
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300. Thank you.
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301. What?
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302. Do you have something in your pocket?
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303. A Chunky.
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304. Do you want half?
No, thank you.
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305. Okay.
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306. It is a message.
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307. It is an inspiration. It is a source of beauty.
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308. And without paper,
it could not have happened.
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309. Unless you had a camera.
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310. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
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311. Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
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312. Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
It's only temporary, okay?
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313. Don't get excited.
I won't. I won't. I won't.
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314. I won't. I won't! I won't!
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315. I won't! I won't! I won't! I won't! I won't!
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