1. Oh, damn.
I lost another file.
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2. Gonna have to reboot, again.
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3. Hey, Dwight,
do you want an Altoid?
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4. What do you think?
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5. In school, we learned
about this scientist
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6. who trained dogs to salivate
at the sound of a bell
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7. by feeding them
whenever a bell rang.
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8. So,
for the past couple weeks,
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9. I've been conducting
a similar experiment.
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10. Dwight, want an Altoid?
Okay.
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11. Altoid?
Sure.
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12. Mint, Dwight?
"Mint, Dwight?"
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13. Yes.
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14. What are you doing?
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15. I...
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16. What?
I don't know. I...
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17. My mouth tastes
so bad all of a sudden.
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18. Always the bridesmaids,
right, ladies?
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19. Okay,
for this next one,
everybody hop out.
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20. Just Phyllis and Dad.
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21. Actually, let's bring Mom
back in and the sisters
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22. and you and you and you.
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23. Great.
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24. Phyllis is
getting married and
I am in the wedding party.
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25. She has asked me
to push her father's
wheelchair down the aisle.
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26. So, basically, I am
co-giving away the bride.
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27. Since I pay her salary
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28. it is like I'm
paying for the wedding,
which I'm happy to do.
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29. It's a big day for Phyllis,
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30. but it's an even
bigger day for me.
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31. Employer of the Bride.
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32. Yes.
I put Michael in my wedding.
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33. It was the only way
I could think to get
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34. six weeks off
for my honeymoon.
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35. No one else
has ever gotten
six weeks before.
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36. Phyllis ended up
using the exact same
invitations as Roy and me.
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37. So, it was kind of
like being invited
to my own wedding.
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38. And I was like, "Wait,
I thought I called that off?"
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39. So, what's in the box?
A toaster.
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40. You?
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41. A toaster.
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42. Unbelievable.
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43. Hello, Angela.
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44. Hi, Dwight.
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45. You look as beautiful
as the Queen of England.
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46. Thank you.
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47. Don't linger. Break left.
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48. Left.
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49. The Schrutes
have their own traditions.
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50. We usually marry
standing in our own graves.
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51. It makes the funerals
very romantic,
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52. but the weddings
are a bleak affair.
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53. Those flowers are nice.
Yeah.
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54. "P and R"?
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55. Phyllis and Robert?
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56. Oh, of course.
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57. Also, Pam and Roy.
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58. There she is.
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59. I swear, Phyllis,
you are as beautiful
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60. as the first day
you started work
at Dunder Mifflin.
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61. Thanks, Michael.
That's sweet.
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62. Same as when you
said it outside.
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63. How you doing?
Are you excited?
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64. Yes, very.
Me, too.
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65. If you need to vomit,
that is okay. I did.
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66. Do you want to
talk about tonight?
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67. No.
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68. Because
I know you're probably
worried about pleasing Bob.
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69. A lot of pressure.
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70. Phyllis,
did you break wind?
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71. It's okay if you did,
it's a very natural reaction.
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72. It's your wedding,
and you're nervous...
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73. That wasn't me.
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74. Okay.
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75. I'm sure that Bob...
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76. Wow, that is...
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77. That is pungent.
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78. I lost my train of thought.
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79. Are you set on
that hairstyle?
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80. I thought it was...
Michael, no...
Here, let me.
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81. I don't need your help.
Thank you, no.
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82. Just cover up
that bald patch.
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83. Michael, please.
I just need some time alone.
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84. Okay. Okay.
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85. You might be
surprised to learn that
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86. I've only been to
one other wedding.
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87. It's actually
a very cute story.
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88. My mom was marrying Jeff,
and they asked me to be
ring bearer.
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89. And I was
understandably emotional
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90. and somehow
my pants became wet.
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91. I hate you!
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92. A long story short,
Jeff's dog ended up
as ring bearer.
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93. And the irony is that,
after the ceremony
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94. that dog peed on everything
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95. and nobody said boo.
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96. Why are all these
people here?
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97. There's too many
people on this Earth.
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98. We need a new plague.
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99. Who are all these people?
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100. You know what?
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101. I bet a lot of them
are wedding crashers.
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102. No way.
Did you ever see that movie?
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103. Of course I saw it.
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104. I saw Wedding Crashers
accidentally.
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105. I bought
a ticket for Grizzly Man
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106. and went into
the wrong theater.
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107. After an hour,
I figured I was
in the wrong theater,
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108. but I kept waiting.
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109. Because that's
the thing about
bear attacks,
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110. they come when
you least expect it.
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111. You know, I just wish...
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112. I wish I had
the investigative powers
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113. to actually smoke some of
these guys out, you know?
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114. Once again, Jim,
I will take care of this.
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115. I will locate
the wedding crashers
and report them to Phyllis.
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116. That way I won't
have to get her a gift.
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117. Hi, I'm Kevin.
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118. Where did you find her?
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119. At the gym.
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120. Right.
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121. The gym...
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122. Could you scoot over?
You're on my dress.
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123. I thought you're not supposed
to wear white to a wedding.
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124. I know,
but there was an emergency.
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125. I look really good
in white.
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126. This strapping,
young lad sitting here
is Phyllis' father, Elbert,
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127. and he is quite
the ladies' man.
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128. Aren't you, Elbert? Huh?
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129. Ring bearer.
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130. I could have done better.
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131. I will do better.
I am going to be better.
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132. I can't believe
I'm actually doing this.
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133. Are you ready for this,
Elbert? I am.
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134. Let's do it!
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135. That's my dress.
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136. It's...
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137. This is...
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138. Me walking
Phyllis down the aisle
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139. was supposed to be
the highlight of the wedding.
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140. And now,
the wedding has no highlight.
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141. I can't believe I pushed
that guy's lazy ass
around all day
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142. until he was
ready to stand up
and steal the show.
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143. That's...
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144. Well, I've got
news for you, Elbert,
if that's your real name,
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145. the show's not over.
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146. And do you, Phyllis,
take Bob Vance,
Vance Refrigeration,
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147. to be your
lawfully wedded husband?
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148. I do.
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149. Ladies and gentlemen,
may I present to you,
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150. for the first
time as a couple,
Mr. And Mrs. Bob Vance!
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151. And do you, Bob,
take Phyllis to be
your lawfully wedded wife?
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152. I do.
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153. You may now kiss the bride.
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154. Ladies and gentlemen,
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155. for the first
time as a couple,
Mr. And Mrs. Bob Vance!
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156. That's what
I'm talking about!
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157. Congratulations, Phyllis.
You look lovely.
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158. Thank you.
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159. Your dress is very white.
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160. It's so white,
my eyes are burning.
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161. Thanks, Angela.
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162. Congratulations, Bob.
You're a good man.
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163. But just know,
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164. if you ever lay a finger
on Phyllis, I will kill you.
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165. If you ever lay a finger
on Phyllis, I'll kill you.
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166. Agreed. No fingers
will be laid on Phyllis.
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167. Oh, decided to
sit down again, huh?
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168. Great.
Bet you can hear me, too?
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169. Best of luck, Phyllis.
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170. Also, I'm gonna need to see
a copy of the guest manifest
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171. as well as
photographs of the caterers.
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172. I don't have that, Dwight.
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173. Damn it, Phyllis!
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174. Are you all right?
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175. This must be
so awful for you.
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176. What do you mean?
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177. Well, this is supposed
to be your wedding.
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178. Oh!
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179. No, that's actually fine.
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180. There's no way it's fine.
I'm sorry.
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181. If I was you,
I would just, like,
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182. freak out and
get really drunk
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183. and then tell
someone I was pregnant.
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184. Okay. That's a lot
of good ideas. Thanks.
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185. Excuse me, sir,
how do you know
the happy couple?
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186. Who?
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187. The bride and groom.
What are their names?
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188. I don't... I'm not sure...
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189. I get it. I get it.
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190. Come on, freeloader.
Let's move it.
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191. Come on. Come on.
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192. Okay, okay.
Where are we going?
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193. You've got to find yourself
another wedding to crash,
my friend.
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194. Phyllis? Are you
happy with everything?
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195. What can I do to
make it more perfecter?
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196. It's beautiful.
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197. Why don't you find your seat
and enjoy the buffet.
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198. I'm already on it.
The chicken?
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199. Totally undercooked.
I sent it back.
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200. It's fish.
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201. I will take care of that.
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202. I do. I know a fair amount
about fine food and drink.
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203. This is a white.
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204. No, this is not
our first wedding.
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205. This is the third wedding
that Scrantonicity
has played.
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206. We also played
our bassist's wedding
and our guitarist's wedding.
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207. Attention, everyone.
Attention, please.
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208. I'm supposed to ask
if anyone has seen Uncle Al.
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209. He is old and has
brown eyes and dementia.
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210. His family is very concerned.
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211. It's a very
serious situation.
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212. Roxanne
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213. You don't have to
put on your red light
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214. Those days are over...
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215. Hey.
Hey.
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216. I know I don't normally
notice these kind of things,
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217. but this wedding's
really nice.
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218. I mean,
the flowers and stuff.
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219. Phyllis has got
some great taste.
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220. You're kidding me, right?
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221. I know you probably aren't
gonna remember this, but,
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222. those color roses,
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223. I got you those
color roses for our prom.
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224. Roy, I picked those flowers.
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225. Phyllis just stole all of
my ideas for our wedding.
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226. I guess
I wasn't really too
involved in the planning.
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227. Yeah.
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228. Sorry about that.
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229. It's okay.
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230. Well, you think
it sucks for you?
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231. I'm the one who actually
wanted to get married.
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232. Phyllis,
you're a wonderful woman.
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233. And you're
a hell of a bowler!
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234. Cheers.
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235. Cheers!
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236. Thank you, Randy.
That was great. Thank you.
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237. Thank you very much.
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238. Hi, I'm Michael Scott.
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239. And, for the next 40 minutes,
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240. I am going to be
your tour guide through
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241. the lives of Phyllis Lapin
and Bob Vance,
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242. one of the great,
seemingly impossible,
love stories of our time.
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243. My name is Michael Scott.
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244. Webster's
dictionary defines wedding
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245. as "the fusing of two metals
with a hot torch."
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246. Well, you know something?
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247. I think you guys
are two medals,
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248. gold medals.
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249. For those of you
who don't know me,
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250. I'm Michael Scott,
Phyllis' boss.
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251. To quote from
The Princess Bride,
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252. "Marriage..."
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253. The most important part of
a speech is the opening line.
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254. When time is not a factor,
I like to try out three or
four different ones.
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255. Phyllis and Bob,
their celebrity
couple name would be
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256. Flob.
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257. You look at her,
and she's kind
of matronly today,
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258. but back in high school,
I swear her nickname
was Easy Rider.
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259. Now, as for Bob. Bob Vance...
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260. Okay, that's enough. Thanks.
is a guy...
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261. Thanks, Michael.
Give me the mike.
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262. He works...
Okay, hold on, hold on...
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263. Look...
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264. I didn't say anything
when Phyllis's dad
upstaged me at the ceremony.
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265. And I think you
owe me this, okay?
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266. Give me the microphone.
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267. No, I'm not going to.
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268. Michael,
give me the microphone.
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269. It's okay.
You're out of here.
Okay, good.
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270. Yeah, you're out of here.
You're...
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271. I hate you!
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272. A year has passed
since I wrote my note
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273. Hey.
Hey.
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274. When are we gonna get to
see some of those famous
Beesly dance moves?
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275. I'm pacing myself.
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276. Come on.
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277. Get out there.
Give the people
what they want.
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278. No. I'm such a dorky dancer.
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279. I know.
And it's very cute.
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280. Hypothetically,
if I thought Pam
was interested, then,
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281. no,
it's totally hypothetical.
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282. Come on.
I can't let you in, Michael.
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283. Dwight, just...
No. It's Bob and
Phyllis's orders.
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284. Look, I just wanted to
go in and quietly sit,
and have a piece of cake.
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285. I'm not even gonna dance,
one song, maybe...
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286. You are a real
life wedding crasher
and I must bounce you.
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287. I'm sorry,
it gives me no pleasure.
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288. Okay.
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289. You remember me
when the west wind moves
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290. Upon the fields of barley
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291. You'll forget
the sun in his jealous way
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292. As we walk in fields of gold
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293. So she took her love
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294. For to gaze...
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295. Even after you're gone
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296. And I know that you love...
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297. Hey!
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298. They're playing
our song, huh?
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299. Yeah, that's weird.
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300. I thought they only
played The Police.
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301. I know. I...
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302. I gave them 20 bucks.
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303. You wanna dance?
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304. Dreams last so long
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305. Even after you're gone
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306. And I know
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307. That you love me
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308. And soon you will see
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309. You were meant for me
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310. And I was meant for you
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311. And I was meant for you
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312. Hey, you wanna
get out of here?
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313. Here's a non-hypothetical,
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314. I'm really happy
I'm with Karen.
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315. Every little thing
she does is magic
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316. Everything she do
just turns me on
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317. Even though my
life before was tragic
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318. Now I know my
love for her goes on
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319. One, two, three!
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320. Toby... Yeah!
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321. I just want Phyllis
to have a great day.
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322. Phyllis and you
will be great together.
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323. We are great together.
We are a great team.
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324. The Celtics
were a great team.
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325. Yes. Yes, they were.
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326. Robert Parish...
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327. I should talk to her.
I don't want this to
ruin her honeymoon.
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328. Well, nobody ever helped me.
I had to do it myself.
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329. Even the doctor didn't know.
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330. Dude, keep it together.
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331. I listened to you
for a half an hour
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332. even though
most of that stuff
went right over my head.
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333. Hey!
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334. Yeah!
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335. Phyllis?
Phyllis, wait, please.
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336. I'm sorry. I just...
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337. I just wanted to make
this a day to remember.
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338. You found Uncle Al!
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339. Yeah, yeah.
He's kind of a weirdo.
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340. Thank you, Michael.
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341. You're... You're welcome.
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342. They say
that your wedding day
goes by in such a flash
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343. that you're lucky if you even
get a piece of your own cake.
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344. I say, that's crazy.
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345. I say, "Let them eat cake."
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346. Margaret Thatcher
said that about marriage.
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347. Smart broad.
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348. Be careful with the... No!
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349. Oh, wow!
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350. Phyllis. Phyllis, come on.
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351. You look like a clown.
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352. Here. Oh, get me. Get me!
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