1. Angela.
What?Copy !req
2. That was a voicemail
that corporate left last night.Copy !req
3. They did not get our tax forms.Copy !req
4. Did you send them?Copy !req
5. They arrived this morning.Copy !req
6. Are you sure?Copy !req
7. It is a big deal if...
Is it a big deal?Copy !req
8. Is it, Kevin?Copy !req
9. Do you really not know?Copy !req
10. Because it is a big deal.Copy !req
11. Five of us transferred from Stamford.Copy !req
12. There's two of us left. Me and Karen.Copy !req
13. It's like we're touring
Willy Wonka's Chocolate FactoryCopy !req
14. and dropping off one by one.Copy !req
15. Well, guess what?Copy !req
16. I'm not falling in a chocolate river.Copy !req
17. Everything okay?Copy !req
18. It's fine. You are in the clear.Copy !req
19. Thank you.Copy !req
20. I don't want those.Copy !req
21. Dwight, care to join us? Finally.Copy !req
22. Thank you.Copy !req
23. Hey, Dwight, pass the tardy sauce.Copy !req
24. Get it, Michael?
Yes.Copy !req
25. Okay.Copy !req
26. Here is the dream team.Copy !req
27. My sales dream team.Copy !req
28. Today we are going to team up
for sales calls.Copy !req
29. Andy, since this was your idea,
you get to pick first.Copy !req
30. Well, let me think about this for a minute.Copy !req
31. Oh, I don't know. Michael Scott?Copy !req
32. PhD. Doctor of sales.Copy !req
33. Well, I appreciate that.
That's very gracious of you.Copy !req
34. Well, it is very gracious of you to accept.
Well, thank you, sir.Copy !req
35. Okay, now going by seniority.Copy !req
36. Phyllis, our resident senior.Copy !req
37. We're the same age.Copy !req
38. And I'll pick Karen.Copy !req
39. Oh, thanks.Copy !req
40. Good.Copy !req
41. Next up, the Super Fly himself, Stanley.
Pass.Copy !req
42. You can't pass. You gotta pick somebody.Copy !req
43. I'll take the kid.Copy !req
44. I'm very flattered.
I was his second choice after pass.Copy !req
45. So that just leaves Dwight and Jim.Copy !req
46. Okay, wait. Does anyone want to trade?Copy !req
47. Yeah, I'll trade.Copy !req
48. Dwight and I used to go on sales calls
all the time.Copy !req
49. In fact, I have a picture
to remember that time.Copy !req
50. Oh, young Jim.Copy !req
51. There's just so much I need
to warn you aboutCopy !req
52. and yet, tragically, I cannot.Copy !req
53. Sebring by Chrysler.Copy !req
54. A heck of a motor carriage.Copy !req
55. Dwight!
Yeah?Copy !req
56. Here you go.Copy !req
57. Yeah!Copy !req
58. You want shirts on hangers?
Please.Copy !req
59. He does your laundry?Copy !req
60. Long story.Copy !req
61. All right, everybody, circle up!Copy !req
62. Here we go.Copy !req
63. You know what this is?Copy !req
64. This is The Amazing Race.Copy !req
65. And you guys are retired Marines,
and you guys are the mother-daughter,Copy !req
66. and you guys are the gay couple,
and we are the firefighter heroes.Copy !req
67. Are we ready to go?
Wait.Copy !req
68. Amazing Race, like, the biggest sale wins?Copy !req
69. No. We're just gonna rush out,
do the sales thing and come back.Copy !req
70. Is there a prize?
Just bragging rights.Copy !req
71. Then how is this Amazing Race?Copy !req
72. It's just...Copy !req
73. It's Amazing Race, Phyllis, okay?Copy !req
74. We're in teams of two
and we're on a mission.Copy !req
75. All right. So, on your mark. Get set. Go.Copy !req
76. Let's do it.
Come on!Copy !req
77. Michael...Copy !req
78. Do you have a pole?Copy !req
79. Let's go get a broom.Copy !req
80. Seriously, are you gonna sit in the back?Copy !req
81. Yeah. It's the safest part of a car.Copy !req
82. In the event of a crash,
the driver always protects his side first.Copy !req
83. Here we go.Copy !req
84. In order to take down Dwight,
I have to chip away at his ally.Copy !req
85. In this case, Michael.Copy !req
86. And here's the good news.Copy !req
87. Every success I've ever had in my job
or with the lady folkCopy !req
88. has come from my ability
to slowly and painfully wear someone down.Copy !req
89. What's the deal
with Dwight doing your laundry?Copy !req
90. That is a long story.Copy !req
91. A couple of months ago,
Dwight tried to go behind my back with JanCopy !req
92. and get my job.Copy !req
93. And I am now having him
do my laundry as punishment.Copy !req
94. Wow. That is a long story,
but quite well told, Michael.Copy !req
95. I find it very interesting.Copy !req
96. Especially the part about Dwight
going behind your backCopy !req
97. and basically being, like, a terrible person.Copy !req
98. You know,
if you want your laundry done right,Copy !req
99. I used to work at Abercrombie, so...Copy !req
100. Pretty good folder.Copy !req
101. Hey, Pam.Copy !req
102. Would you like to go with me
to grab a coffee?Copy !req
103. Really?
Yeah.Copy !req
104. I thought you could use some fresh air
and it might be fun.Copy !req
105. Okay. Sure.Copy !req
106. Okay.Copy !req
107. Why are we turning in here?
This is a beauty salon.Copy !req
108. Hey, do you mind if I take
the lead on this oneCopy !req
109. and then you can critique me after?Copy !req
110. You want the lead?Copy !req
111. Yeah, if you don't mind.
Mind?Copy !req
112. Nothing would delight me more.Copy !req
113. Leave the keys.Copy !req
114. You still do that thing?
Leave the keys.Copy !req
115. I think that you have assembled
an amazing team at Scranton.Copy !req
116. It's really a pleasure to be a part of it.Copy !req
117. It's like everyone has their own special skill,
you know.Copy !req
118. Just like the Super Friends.Copy !req
119. Except for Dwight,
who's kind of more of a Super Dud.Copy !req
120. I mean, he'd be a Super Friend
if there was a Super FriendCopy !req
121. whose super power was always being late.Copy !req
122. You know?Copy !req
123. Hawkman.Copy !req
124. My plan is taking longer than I thought,Copy !req
125. but I don't give up easily.Copy !req
126. (TOILET FLUSHING)
I have walked two marathons, so...Copy !req
127. Let's go.Copy !req
128. The men's room was disgusting.Copy !req
129. After you, sir.
No, thank you.Copy !req
130. I never let anyone walk behind me.Copy !req
131. Seven out of 10 attacks are from the rear.Copy !req
132. Okay. Well, that still leaves a 30% chance
that I'll attack you from the front.Copy !req
133. Yeah, but it'll be easier to stop.Copy !req
134. I can always block the blow.
Or I can counter it...Copy !req
135. Angela, you seem so happy.Copy !req
136. I bet you wish you were like this all the time.Copy !req
137. This friend of mine... Let's call her "Noel."Copy !req
138. She missed this deadline turning something
into corporate in New York.Copy !req
139. But then this gallant gentleman,
we'll call him "Kurt."Copy !req
140. He drove all the way to New York
and handed it in for her.Copy !req
141. That's... I don't know.Copy !req
142. I guess he just really likes her a lot.Copy !req
143. Well, that's great.Copy !req
144. Yes, it is.Copy !req
145. Hello?Copy !req
146. Hey.Copy !req
147. Did you catch that up
at Lake Wallenpaupack?Copy !req
148. Yeah.Copy !req
149. You know, I used to go up there
all the time with my step-dadCopy !req
150. and I never caught anything that big.Copy !req
151. I caught an 80-pound shark off Montauk.Copy !req
152. That's in the Hamptons.Copy !req
153. My dad's got a 42-foot Bayliner.Copy !req
154. Sniped it with a rifle from the crow's- nest.Copy !req
155. Also shot a deer once.Copy !req
156. You know what? Let's get right down to it.Copy !req
157. Dunder Mifflin may be just two rooms
and a warehouse,Copy !req
158. but what we lack in flash,Copy !req
159. we will make up for with hard work
and decency.Copy !req
160. Okay, this is the classic undersell.Copy !req
161. Because you should know
we don't work out of a log cabin.Copy !req
162. We trade on the New York Stock Exchange.
Ever heard of it? It's in New York.Copy !req
163. I have to say I'm a little wary
of getting involved with a big company.Copy !req
164. We've had some problems in the past.Copy !req
165. And I think what Andy is
trying to express is thatCopy !req
166. while we have the resources
of a large company,Copy !req
167. we will give you the care and attention
of a small company.Copy !req
168. Man, that is like poetry.Copy !req
169. I swear.
No.Copy !req
170. This guy could sell paper to a tree stump.Copy !req
171. I'm so sorry, man.Copy !req
172. I really screwed that up.Copy !req
173. I really...
No. Don't worry about it.Copy !req
174. I really Schruted it.Copy !req
175. What?Copy !req
176. I Schruted it.Copy !req
177. It's just this thing people say
around your office all the time.Copy !req
178. Like when you screw something up in
a really irreversible way,Copy !req
179. you Schruted it.Copy !req
180. I don't know where it comes from, though.Copy !req
181. You think it comes from Dwight Schrute?Copy !req
182. I don't know. Who knows
how words are formed.Copy !req
183. Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.Copy !req
184. This is Pam.Copy !req
185. I did?Copy !req
186. Yeah, I did a watercolor
of Francis Willard Elementary SchoolCopy !req
187. for a contest they were having.Copy !req
188. They were calling with the results.Copy !req
189. And I won.Copy !req
190. I won. My painting won!Copy !req
191. So I'd like to thank my mom
for always encouraging me.Copy !req
192. And I'd like to thank my dad
for buying me my first set of art pencils.Copy !req
193. And I'd like to thank the sixth-grade class
that picked me.Copy !req
194. It's a big order.Copy !req
195. Thanks, Ken.
Yeah, thank you.Copy !req
196. Hey, how's Annie?
She's great.Copy !req
197. This is us last year in Bermuda.Copy !req
198. Lovely place. You ever been to Bermuda?Copy !req
199. Stanley Hudson.
Julius, how's it going?Copy !req
200. Great, great, great.
Stanley, so good to see you.Copy !req
201. You, too.Copy !req
202. I'd like you fellows to meet Ryan Howard.Copy !req
203. Hi.
Yeah. I'm gonna let Ryan do a little pitchCopy !req
204. for you while I do my crossword puzzle.
Ryan.Copy !req
205. Hi. Hi. Hi.Copy !req
206. Hello, Ryan.
Hi.Copy !req
207. What do you have for us?Copy !req
208. We can offer our biggest discounts
on 30% recycled and ultra premium laser.Copy !req
209. Okay. Okay.Copy !req
210. Can I use your phone?Copy !req
211. Yeah, sure. Go ahead.
Thanks.Copy !req
212. Let me talk to you about a few
of the other things we can offer.Copy !req
213. Namely, we know that tax season's
coming up,Copy !req
214. so by April 1st
we can have you fully stocked.Copy !req
215. We have discount prices on ink cartridges.
One.Copy !req
216. Three.Copy !req
217. And also any forms
that you're gonna need...Copy !req
218. Seven.
we can custom make them.Copy !req
219. Hey, Kev, guess what?Copy !req
220. I won an art contest today.Copy !req
221. How much did you win?
$100.Copy !req
222. I won 400 bucks
on the Celtics game last night.Copy !req
223. Cool. Congratulations.Copy !req
224. Thanks.Copy !req
225. It was so sweet.Copy !req
226. And you just said, "Hi! Hi! Hi!"Copy !req
227. You sounded like my niece.Copy !req
228. And she's six months old!Copy !req
229. Well, I appreciate what you guys are saying,Copy !req
230. but it makes more fiscal sense
to go with one of the big guys.Copy !req
231. Sure.
That's true.Copy !req
232. We can't compete with their prices.Copy !req
233. But let me ask you something.Copy !req
234. How important to you is customer service?
Very.Copy !req
235. Please keep holding.
Your call is very important to us.Copy !req
236. That's one of the big guys.
Been on hold this whole time.Copy !req
237. And this is Dunder Mifflin.Copy !req
238. Dunder Mifflin customer service.
This is Kelly.Copy !req
239. Hey, Kelly, it's Jim.Copy !req
240. Oh, my God! Jim! How are you?
I wanted to tell you...Copy !req
241. Here's my card.Copy !req
242. It's got my cell number, my pager number,Copy !req
243. my home number
and my other pager number.Copy !req
244. I never take vacations. I never get sick.
And I don't celebrate any major holidays.Copy !req
245. All right. I get it.Copy !req
246. We got a deal.
All right.Copy !req
247. Hey, Angela, I got good news today, too.Copy !req
248. I won an art contest.Copy !req
249. That's great, Pam.Copy !req
250. I like having these little moments with you.Copy !req
251. You know what?
Sprinkles recently had kittens.Copy !req
252. I would like to offer you the dominant male.Copy !req
253. His name is Ash.Copy !req
254. I don't think so. But thanks.Copy !req
255. My building manager is...Copy !req
256. You understand.Copy !req
257. Well then, have a nice day.Copy !req
258. Thanks. That was fun.Copy !req
259. Yeah. I really enjoy spending time with you.
You're a very nice person.Copy !req
260. Thank you.Copy !req
261. I'm so glad you're with Jim.Copy !req
262. He was hung-up on Pam
for such a long time.Copy !req
263. I didn't think he'd ever get over her.Copy !req
264. That's nice.Copy !req
265. You can pay me back later for the makeover.Copy !req
266. Hey, boss. Got a minute?
Yes, Andy.Copy !req
267. I forget. Why did Dwight say
he was late this morning?Copy !req
268. He didn't say.
That's weird.Copy !req
269. Because I was just walking past his desk
and I saw this,Copy !req
270. which is a toll booth receipt
from New York City,Copy !req
271. stamped really early this morning.Copy !req
272. So...Copy !req
273. Why would Dwight go to New York
without telling anyone?Copy !req
274. You think he went to see Jan?Copy !req
275. That's not like him, is it?Copy !req
276. Someone told me a story about this...
With like laundry and betrayal.Copy !req
277. Did you betray Dwight
and try to steal his job or something?Copy !req
278. No.Copy !req
279. You are remembering it wrong.Copy !req
280. Dwight betrayed me once before.Copy !req
281. So this is his strike two.Copy !req
282. You know what they say?Copy !req
283. "Fool me once, strike one.Copy !req
284. "But fool me twice,Copy !req
285. "strike three."Copy !req
286. Dwight's name is on
the security sign-in sheet,Copy !req
287. but I don't know who he met with.Copy !req
288. And where it asks to state your business,Copy !req
289. he wrote,
"Beeswax Not Yours Incorporated."Copy !req
290. I knew it.Copy !req
291. Oh, doggie.Copy !req
292. Hey, you wanna grab a coffee?Copy !req
293. Sure.Copy !req
294. Look at you.Copy !req
295. Yeah.Copy !req
296. Beesly, coffee?Copy !req
297. No, thanks, I had some already.
All right.Copy !req
298. But, hey, Jim.
Yeah?Copy !req
299. I won an art contest today.Copy !req
300. No way!
Yeah.Copy !req
301. All right, Pam. Congratulations.
Thanks.Copy !req
302. Which one was it?Copy !req
303. I sent them one of my watercolors.
Cool.Copy !req
304. It was a new one I did.
Are you ready, Jim?Copy !req
305. Yeah. Can I see it when I get back?
Yeah.Copy !req
306. Congratulations.
Thanks.Copy !req
307. Big deal.Copy !req
308. Hey! We nailed the sale.Copy !req
309. Where were you this morning?Copy !req
310. I overslept. Damn rooster didn't crow.Copy !req
311. Why do you lie, liar?
I'm not a liar.Copy !req
312. You are lying right now.
Sure seems like he's lying.Copy !req
313. Stay out of this, you!Copy !req
314. I know that you went
to corporate this morning.Copy !req
315. And I know that you lied about it.Copy !req
316. And given our history,
I need you to tell me right nowCopy !req
317. exactly what you were doing this morning.Copy !req
318. Michael, I cannot tell you
what I was doing there.Copy !req
319. But you have to trust me.Copy !req
320. I would never do anything
to hurt you or this company.Copy !req
321. Okay, you know what?Copy !req
322. I want you to think about your future
at this company.Copy !req
323. I want you to think about it long and hard.Copy !req
324. That's what she said.
Don't...Copy !req
325. Don't you dare.Copy !req
326. I want to know what you were doing
this morning by the end of the day.Copy !req
327. It's gonna be okay.Copy !req
328. How's it gonna be okay, Dwight?Copy !req
329. Everyone will know our business.Copy !req
330. Well, that's not the worst thing in the world.Copy !req
331. I'll just stand up in front of the office
and reveal our true love.Copy !req
332. It won't be that bad. Look at Kelly and Ryan.Copy !req
333. I hate those two people
more than anything in the entire world.Copy !req
334. Well, I don't have a lot of choices.Copy !req
335. So, let me ask you a question.
Okay.Copy !req
336. Did you ever have a thing for Pam?Copy !req
337. Pam? Did I ever have a thing for her? No.Copy !req
338. Why? Did she say something?Copy !req
339. I moved here from Connecticut.Copy !req
340. Yeah.Copy !req
341. Okay, here's the...Copy !req
342. I had a crush on her before I left.Copy !req
343. And I told her about it
and she didn't feel the same way.Copy !req
344. So it didn't amount to anything and I left.Copy !req
345. I'm really glad you're here.Copy !req
346. Okay?Copy !req
347. Okay.Copy !req
348. May I have your attention, please?Copy !req
349. This will only take a moment of your time.Copy !req
350. "Although I love this company
more than almost anything in the world,Copy !req
351. "I have decided to step down from my post
and spend more time with my family.Copy !req
352. "I do not fear the unknown.Copy !req
353. "I will meet my new challenges head on
and I will succeed.Copy !req
354. "And I will laugh in the faces
of those who doubt me.Copy !req
355. "It's been a pleasure working
with some of youCopy !req
356. "and I will not forget those of you soon.Copy !req
357. "But remember, while today it is me,Copy !req
358. "we all shall fall."Copy !req
359. In other words, I'm quitting, so...Copy !req
360. (SINGING) Oompa, Loompa,
doom-pa-dee-dawesomeCopy !req
361. Dwight is now gone,
which is totally awesomeCopy !req
362. Why was he gone?Copy !req
363. He was such a nice guyCopy !req
364. No, he was notCopy !req
365. He was a total doucheCopy !req
366. Doompa-dee-doomCopy !req
367. I would like to give the rest
of my belongings to Michael Scott.Copy !req
368. Just take it.Copy !req
369. Except this.Copy !req
370. Good luck.
And this one.Copy !req
371. Dwight will be missed.Copy !req
372. Not by me so much, but he will be missed.Copy !req
373. Dwight from salesCopy !req
374. was one of the most honorable
and efficient employeesCopy !req
375. this company has ever had.Copy !req
376. One of my life goals was
to die right here in my desk chair.Copy !req
377. And today, that dream was shattered.Copy !req
378. Hey, man.Copy !req
379. What happened on your sales call?Copy !req
380. Am I happy about
the way things turned out?Copy !req
381. Oh, "Happy's" such an ugly word,Copy !req
382. but I saw what needed to be done
and I did it and now I'm thrilled.Copy !req
383. So, it's pretty...Copy !req
384. Hello?Copy !req
385. Pretty good.Copy !req
386. I have left Dunder Mifflin
after many record-breaking years,Copy !req
387. and I'm officially on the job market
and it's very exciting.Copy !req
388. For your convenience,
I've broken it down into three parts.Copy !req
389. Professional resume,
athletic and special skills resumeCopy !req
390. and Dwight Schrute trivia.Copy !req
391. I am ready to face any challenges
that might be foolish enough to face me.Copy !req
392. How would I describe myself? Three words.Copy !req
393. Hardworking, alpha male, jackhammer.Copy !req
394. Merciless, insatiable.Copy !req
395. There's nothing on my horizon
except everything.Copy !req
396. Everything is on my horizon.Copy !req
397. I got this job to make some money
while I continue my employment search.Copy !req
398. And it's fine for the time being.Copy !req
399. Break's over.Copy !req
400. Big Turkey?Copy !req
401. He rocks in the treetop all a day longCopy !req
402. Hoppin' and a-boppin'
and a-singin' the songCopy !req
403. All the little birds on...Copy !req
404. Is that you singing?Copy !req
405. All four parts. Recorded it on my computer.Copy !req
406. Wow.
Took me forever.Copy !req
407. Nice job.
Thank you muchly.Copy !req
408. Oh rockin' robin
well you really gonna rock tonightCopy !req
409. Every little swallow...Copy !req
410. You gonna answer it?Copy !req
411. Every little bird in the tall oak treeCopy !req
412. I called it myself.Copy !req
413. Just thought you'd get a kick out
of the new ring.Copy !req
414. Yikes.Copy !req
415. Side note, just like to say I'm thrilled
to be working directly beneath you.Copy !req
416. Cool.
I feel I have a lot to learn from you,Copy !req
417. even though you're younger
and have less experience.Copy !req
418. So here's to the future, Andy and the Tuna.Copy !req
419. (SINGING) Andy and the TunaCopy !req
420. Oh, what a duo, magical
Andy and the TunaCopy !req
421. I miss Dwight.Copy !req
422. Congratulations, universe, you win.Copy !req
423. Yes, Dwight Schrute has left the company.
More personnel turnover.Copy !req
424. Cost of doing business.Copy !req
425. Yeah, well, it is a big loss.
Dwight was the top salesman.Copy !req
426. Was the top salesman.
I said "was."Copy !req
427. Right, addition by subtraction.Copy !req
428. What does that even mean?
That is impossible.Copy !req
429. Yeah, you're right.Copy !req
430. But there is some good news.
Oscar is back, addition by addition.Copy !req
431. So we are going to have a big party today
to welcome him back,Copy !req
432. and hopefully, that'll lift everyone's spirits.Copy !req
433. Hi, everyone.Copy !req
434. Oh, hello, Oscar. How was your gaycation?Copy !req
435. That's very funny.Copy !req
436. Yeah? I thought of that like two seconds
after you left.Copy !req
437. Hi, Angela.Copy !req
438. Oscar.Copy !req
439. Hey, boss.
Hey, what's up?Copy !req
440. Nothing.Copy !req
441. Man. TGI Wednesday.Copy !req
442. Am I right?
Yep.Copy !req
443. Gonna go home, get my beer on,
get my Lost on.Copy !req
444. What're you doing later?
You wanna hang out?Copy !req
445. Oh, I don't know, maybe.
Well, I'll take that as a maybe.Copy !req
446. Where're you going?
Bathroom.Copy !req
447. Oh, I'm going to the kitchen,
I'll walk with you.Copy !req
448. Things are going pretty good.
Getting a lot of face time with the boss.Copy !req
449. Oscar, I have a question.Copy !req
450. Would you like to join
the Party Planning Committee?Copy !req
451. The committee with all the women?
Yeah.Copy !req
452. Because I'm gay?
No, no.Copy !req
453. Certain events have transpired
and I've thought about certain things,Copy !req
454. and I'm sorry for the way
those certain events transpired.Copy !req
455. And I would just like to make some changes
about certain things.Copy !req
456. And certain situations and certain accounts.Copy !req
457. Okay, okay. All right, all right, I'll join.
I'd love to.Copy !req
458. That's... Thank you.Copy !req
459. Thank you.
Thank you.Copy !req
460. Can I join, too?Copy !req
461. Never.Copy !req
462. You sell those two printers this morning?
Nice work.Copy !req
463. Child's play.
Give me something hard to sell.Copy !req
464. Wow, what is wrong with this thing?
It looks terrible.Copy !req
465. Do you want me to ask
the night cleaning crewCopy !req
466. if they stopped watering it?Copy !req
467. Yeah. Oh, you know what?
Ask them about the toys on my desk, too.Copy !req
468. They always used to arrange the toys
on my desk in a very pleasing way.Copy !req
469. It used to brighten my morning.Copy !req
470. Oh, that wasn't the night crew.
That was Dwight.Copy !req
471. Really? That was very nice of him.Copy !req
472. We need more attitude like that
around this office.Copy !req
473. Feel you, dawg.
Yeah, do you?Copy !req
474. Absolutely.
What did I say?Copy !req
475. You said...Copy !req
476. Which is like... Right on.
Pam was like, "Blah, blah, blah,"Copy !req
477. and you're like, "Yeah."Copy !req
478. Nailed it.Copy !req
479. Wow.Copy !req
480. Love that Andy, right? Solid fellow.
Seems smart enough.Copy !req
481. Likes me a lot.Copy !req
482. A lot? Too much.Copy !req
483. Like a crazy person a little.Copy !req
484. Not super crazy, just...Copy !req
485. There's something about him
that creeps me out.Copy !req
486. I can't really explain it.Copy !req
487. He's always up in my biznezz,Copy !req
488. which is Ebonics for being in my face
and annoying the bejesus out of me.Copy !req
489. I don't understand how someone
can have so little self-awareness.Copy !req
490. I really have no preference.
We don't even have to have a party.Copy !req
491. No, hey. Hey, don't be ridiculous.
Of course we're going to have a party.Copy !req
492. The celebration of Oscar. Oscar night.Copy !req
493. And I wanted to be Oscar specific.Copy !req
494. Michael...
No. No, I mean, not because you're gay.Copy !req
495. Your gayness does not define you.Copy !req
496. Your Mexicanness is what defines you
to me.Copy !req
497. And I think we should celebrate
Oscar's Mexicanity.Copy !req
498. So, Phyllis,
I want you to go find firecrackersCopy !req
499. and a Chihuahua.Copy !req
500. Pam, in the frozen food section,Copy !req
501. Swanson makes a delightful chimichanga.Copy !req
502. Why don't you have me riding in
on a donkey into the office, Michael?Copy !req
503. Would that be good?
A burro.Copy !req
504. Of course, if Oscar wants a donkey,
let's get him one.Copy !req
505. Need any help?Copy !req
506. Oh, no, thank you. I'm just looking.Copy !req
507. Great.Copy !req
508. I will literally be standing right here
if you need anything at all.Copy !req
509. Think I could go for some tuna fish
right about now.Copy !req
510. Got my rod here.Copy !req
511. Click, click, click, click.
Click, click, click, click.Copy !req
512. Click, click, click, click.Copy !req
513. Hey.
Hey.Copy !req
514. Hey, so Andy is in rare form today.Copy !req
515. Yeah, you should not encourage him.Copy !req
516. Encourage him? I'm the victim, okay?
He's fishing for me.Copy !req
517. We gotta do something.Copy !req
518. Look, I've got like 15 new clients
that I've inherited from DwightCopy !req
519. and each file is password protected
with a different mythical creature, so...Copy !req
520. I'm sorry. I can't.Copy !req
521. Fine.Copy !req
522. Party pooper.Copy !req
523. Who's that sportscaster
that bit that lady?Copy !req
524. Mar-something?Copy !req
525. Andy is like Mar-something.
Great sportscaster, big weirdo creep.Copy !req
526. 185-pounder. Check it out.Copy !req
527. Hey, guys.Copy !req
528. How's the workload?Copy !req
529. All of Dwight's old accounts.
Handling it okay?Copy !req
530. Sort of. He had a lot of clients.Copy !req
531. Yes, he did.Copy !req
532. Have any of you talked to Dwight?Copy !req
533. Oh, sure, we talk all the time.Copy !req
534. Really?
No.Copy !req
535. Don't do that. It's not nice.Copy !req
536. What about you, Phyllis?
You and Dwight were close.Copy !req
537. No, sorry.Copy !req
538. Dwight had a big personality
and I have a big personality.Copy !req
539. And a lot of times when two people like that
get together, it can be explosive.Copy !req
540. Really coming down out there.
The commute's gonna be hell.Copy !req
541. I have snow tires and chains,Copy !req
542. plus exceptional hand-eye coordination.Copy !req
543. So, where were you working before this?Copy !req
544. Dunder Mifflin.
What kind of company is that?Copy !req
545. Paper company.Copy !req
546. We're only one of Staples'
top competitors in the area.Copy !req
547. I never heard of them.Copy !req
548. Oh, really? Have you heard of paper?Copy !req
549. It's gonna be like that, huh?Copy !req
550. I don't like him, his giant head,
or his beady, little eyes.Copy !req
551. That's all I got to say on the matter.Copy !req
552. (SINGING) In your headCopy !req
553. in your headCopy !req
554. Zombie, ZombieCopy !req
555. ZombieCopy !req
556. In your headCopy !req
557. Would you like to pull a prank on Andy?Copy !req
558. I'm kind of in the middle... Yes, please.Copy !req
559. Okay, good. Stay right here.Copy !req
560. ZombieCopy !req
561. In your headCopy !req
562. Sorry about that.
Oh, smooth move, Tuna.Copy !req
563. Nice one.Copy !req
564. Are there any messages?
No.Copy !req
565. So weird.Copy !req
566. Nice to have Oscar back.Copy !req
567. Yeah.Copy !req
568. He rocks in the treetop all a day longCopy !req
569. Hoppin' and a-boppin'
and a-singin' the songCopy !req
570. Large Tuna,
have you seen my cell phone device?Copy !req
571. No.
'Cause someone is calling right now.Copy !req
572. There is a call.Copy !req
573. well you really gonna rock tonightCopy !req
574. Every little swallow...Copy !req
575. Angela.Copy !req
576. Is everything okay?Copy !req
577. No.Copy !req
578. He rocks in the treetop...Copy !req
579. What's going on?Copy !req
580. What're you talking about?Copy !req
581. Where is my freaking phone?Copy !req
582. Love to hear the robin goin'...Copy !req
583. You know what? Maybe it's in the ceiling.Copy !req
584. You know what?
Maybe you're in the ceiling.Copy !req
585. Okay.Copy !req
586. I don't trust you, Phyllis.Copy !req
587. Every little swallow, every chickadeeCopy !req
588. I wanted to let you know that
Dwight was late that morningCopy !req
589. because he had to drive to New York
to drop off the quarterly tax formsCopy !req
590. that I forgot to send.Copy !req
591. Why would Dwight do that for you?Copy !req
592. I think I know why.Copy !req
593. Because Dwight loves this company.Copy !req
594. Do you think that anyone else out there
would've driven to corporate for you?Copy !req
595. None of them. Especially not Andy.Copy !req
596. Oh rockin' robin
well you really gonna rock tonightCopy !req
597. Pam, I have a mission to accomplish.
Make sure this party gets rollingCopy !req
598. and I will be back shortly.Copy !req
599. Where are you going?
Want me to come with?Copy !req
600. Listen, I forgot to tell you the plan
for this Saturday.Copy !req
601. You, me, bar, beers, buzzed.Copy !req
602. Wings, shots, drunk. Waitresses, hot.Copy !req
603. Football, Cornell, Hofstra. Slaughter.Copy !req
604. Then, quick nap at my place
and we hit the tizzown.Copy !req
605. No. I don't wanna do any of that.Copy !req
606. Duh.
Which is why I was joking about doing it.Copy !req
607. No, just stop. Stop. Just stop doing it.
You're going to drive me crazy.Copy !req
608. Fine, I'll just go sit at my desk and be quiet.Copy !req
609. Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship.Copy !req
610. Excuse me.Copy !req
611. He rocks in the treetop all a day longCopy !req
612. And I'm also sorry that a lot of people here
for some reason think it's funnyCopy !req
613. to steal someone's personal property
and hide it from them.Copy !req
614. Here's a little news flash.Copy !req
615. It's not funny!Copy !req
616. In fact, it's pretty freaking un-funny!Copy !req
617. Every little swallow, every chickadeeCopy !req
618. God!Copy !req
619. The wise old owl and the big black crowCopy !req
620. Flapping them wings...Copy !req
621. That was an overreaction.Copy !req
622. Gonna hit the break room.
Does anybody want anything?Copy !req
623. Pam, you good?Copy !req
624. Yeah.
Sure? Okay.Copy !req
625. Well, that question is meaningless.Copy !req
626. Just go with the copy paper,
it's your funeral.Copy !req
627. See how that works out for you.Copy !req
628. Hey.Copy !req
629. Hey.
What's up?Copy !req
630. Same old.Copy !req
631. It takes a big man to admit his mistake,
and I am that big man.Copy !req
632. Angela from accounting
told me what you did.Copy !req
633. Oh, my God, she told you?
Yes, she did.Copy !req
634. And, Dwight,Copy !req
635. if you were willing to do something like that
for some random co-worker,Copy !req
636. then clearly, I misjudged you
from the beginning.Copy !req
637. And I apologize.Copy !req
638. Accepted.Copy !req
639. How's this place treating you?Copy !req
640. My boss isn't funny.Copy !req
641. I don't get to wear my ties.
No.Copy !req
642. Sure.
So...Copy !req
643. So maybe you should come back.Copy !req
644. You should come back. Please.Copy !req
645. I don't wanna do your laundry anymore.Copy !req
646. We can talk about that.Copy !req
647. All right.Copy !req
648. Oh, my God. That's half-inch dry wall.Copy !req
649. I think we broke his brain.Copy !req
650. "It's not freaking funny!"Copy !req
651. You really enjoying your fiesta?
Actually, yeah.Copy !req
652. I didn't think I would but turns out it's great.Copy !req
653. Ladies and gentlemen,
may I present Mr. Dwight Schrute.Copy !req
654. Welcome back.
Thank you.Copy !req
655. Okay, Dwight, you can let go of her hand.
You're gonna break it.Copy !req
656. Not bad, huh?Copy !req
657. You did this for me?Copy !req
658. Guilty.Copy !req
659. Hey.Copy !req
660. Do you still have feelings for her?Copy !req
661. Yes.Copy !req
662. And now, ladies and gentlemen,
the big finale.Copy !req
663. Sir, would you do the honor?Copy !req
664. Oh, man.Copy !req
665. No, no, no, no. I don't need it.Copy !req
666. It takes a big man to admit
his mistake and that's what I did.Copy !req
667. The important thing is, I learned something.Copy !req
668. I don't want somebody sucking up to meCopy !req
669. because they think
I'm going to help their career.Copy !req
670. I want them sucking up to me
because they genuinely love me.Copy !req
671. So Michael had a little chat with corporateCopy !req
672. and they decided to send me
to management training.Copy !req
673. Anger management, technically,
but still, management material.Copy !req
674. This whole thing's supposed to take
10 weeks.Copy !req
675. I expect to be done in five.Copy !req
676. How? Name repetition, personality mirroring
and positive reinforcementCopy !req
677. through nods and smiles.Copy !req
678. So don't worry about old Andy Bernard.
I'll be back.Copy !req
679. Just like Rambo.Copy !req
680. Oh, hi, you must be Andy.Copy !req
681. Oh, hi. Yes, I am, and you must be Marcy.Copy !req
682. That's right, it's so good to meet you.
It's so good to meet you.Copy !req
683. Thanks. Well, you ready to have some fun?
Yeah.Copy !req