1. - Go. Get the door.
- Here we are.
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2. Go. Push.
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3. - Oh, God.
- Push.
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4. No, no, no. Turn it
around. Really shove it.
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5. You'll break it. Shove
it through. Break it!
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6. You shove it.
Shove it back.
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7. Here we go.
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8. Don't break the
branches, Dwight.
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9. All right.
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10. I got a splinter. Well, suck
it up. We all have problems.
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11. Hey,
everybody. Look what we have.
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12. Nice, huh?
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13. I've got it leveraged.
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14. - Push. Straight up.
- On three. Ready?
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15. - Big. One, two, three.
- One, two, three.
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16. Merry Christmas.
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17. Did it work?
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18. Well, sort of.
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19. Why did you
get it so big?
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20. A, that's what she said, and,
B, I wanted it to be impressive.
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21. The biggest day of the year
deserves the biggest tree of the year.
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22. But what are we gonna do
with this hacked-off part?
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23. Well, that is a perfectly
good mini-tree, Kevin,
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24. and we are going to
sell that to charity.
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25. That's what Christmas
is all about.
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26. So this year, for the first time
ever, I got Pam in Secret Santa,
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27. and I got her this teapot,
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28. which I know she really wants,
so she can make tea at her desk.
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29. But I'm also gonna stuff it
with some inside jokes.
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30. Like, this is my
high school yearbook photo.
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31. She saw it at the party,
and it really makes her laugh.
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32. Not sure why.
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33. What else?
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34. This is a hot sauce packet.
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35. She put this on a hot dog
a couple years ago
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36. because she thought
it was ketchup.
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37. And it was really funny,
so I kept the other two.
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38. This would take a little too
long to explain, so I won't.
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39. And this is the card.
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40. Because Christmas is the time
to tell people how you feel.
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41. Is there anything
we're missing?
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42. Phyllis, you got the lights?
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43. Yes, I got
those cute little ones.
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44. Do you think I should
have gotten the big ones?
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45. We'll see.
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46. Angela drafted me into
the party planning committee.
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47. Her memo said that we need to
prepare for every possible disaster,
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48. which to me seems excessive.
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49. Merry Christmas!
Ho, ho, ho, pimp.
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50. I'm kidding. What
do we got? What do we got?
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51. How many plates
are we getting? Fifty.
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52. Double it. Double everything.
Double ice cream. Double napkins.
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53. Double it. On me.
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54. It was a tough year.
I had to fire somebody this year.
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55. This party has to really rock.
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56. Check it out.
Christmas bonus, 3,000 Gs.
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57. I got this for helping
save the company money.
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58. So I guess some good came
out of firing Devon after all.
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59. Maybe I should call him
and tell him that.
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60. I want people to cut loose. I
want people making out in closets.
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61. I want people hanging from the
ceilings, lamp shades on the heads.
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62. I want it to be
a Playboy Mansion party.
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63. And also, I want you to know and spread the
word that I will have my digital camera.
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64. And I'll be taking pictures
all along the way.
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65. And the best and
craziest thing that happens
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66. will be on the cover
of the newsletter. Incentive.
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67. You do realize that we
can't serve liquor at the party.
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68. Yeah. I know. Damn it.
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69. Stupid corporate wet blankets.
Like booze ever killed anybody.
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70. One. Two. Three.
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71. You guys should
use a hand truck.
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72. Do we have one?
No.
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73. Will you help me?
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74. No! No way. It... No.
Come on, Mike.
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75. Let me borrow the hat
for just a couple of hours.
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76. You wanna be Santa?
Yeah.
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77. Have you ever seen Santa?
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78. Yeah, I've seen Santa.
Okay.
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79. Who cares? Well, I'm
sorry. It just doesn't work.
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80. Michael, I would like
to be the elf.
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81. That makes sense because
he has elfish features.
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82. Okay, everyone.
Listen up.
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83. It is time to get your
presents, wrap them
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84. and place them
under the tree, like so.
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85. If you do not get your present
wrapped and under the tree
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86. within the next five minutes,
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87. you will be disqualified
from Secret Santa. All right?
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88. No exceptions except Michael.
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89. I got Angela.
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90. She is into these posters
of babies dressed as adults.
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91. I got her one of those.
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92. I felt kind of weird
buying that.
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93. I got Creed. And to tell you the truth,
I don't know anything about Creed.
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94. I know his name's Creed. I
know he works right over there.
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95. I think he's Irish and I...
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96. I got him this
shamrock keychain.
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97. I got myself for Secret Santa.
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98. I was supposed to tell
somebody, but I didn't.
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99. You get something
good this year?
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100. I think I did a pretty good
job. Yeah? Who did you have?
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101. Well, I can't tell you,
"cause it's a secret.
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102. I think I got something
pretty nice for my guy.
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103. Yeah? I spent a lot of
dough. Lot of dough. Wow.
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104. Well, there's a $20
limit, right? So... Yeah.
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105. I wanted this party to be really special
so I sort of went above and beyond.
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106. That's great. Well, don't tell
me who it is, 'cause I can...
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107. It was Ryan. Yeah.
I have Ryan.
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108. Gather round. Secret Santa,
let's go. Let's go. Come on.
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109. Stanley, no. I'm gonna handle
the cord. Okay, safety reasons.
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110. I know how
to plug something in.
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111. I want to do it.
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112. All right, let's count it down,
like Rockefeller Center.
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113. Ready?
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114. - Three, two, one.
- Three, two, one.
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115. Not great.
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116. I'm sorry, everybody.
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117. I think the tree looks nice.
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118. Hey, I could get
some flares from my car.
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119. No. No. Shake it off, everybody.
Just, let's do Secret Santa.
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120. Presents are the best way to
show someone how much you care.
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121. It is like this tangible thing
that you can point to and say,
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122. "Hey, man, I love you
this many dollars' worth."
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123. First present, Oscar.
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124. Shower radio. Neat.
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125. Oh, good, that was from me.
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126. Thanks, Kelly. You know
I was gonna get one of...
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127. Okay. Okay. That's enough.
Let's keep it moving on.
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128. Jim.
Oh, cool.
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129. That's from me.
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130. Great.
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131. Where did you get it?
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132. I don't know.
It was so long ago.
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133. He obviously forgot
to get me something,
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134. and then he went into his closet
and dug out this little number
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135. and then threw it in a bag.
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136. Yep. That's exactly
what happened.
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137. Pam.
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138. Oh, my God!
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139. Thank you very much, Santa,
whoever you are.
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140. It's awesome.
There's a little more to it.
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141. All right. Next.
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142. Ryan.
No. Don't.
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143. Whoa, a video iPod.
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144. Whoa. Wow. Jeez.
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145. Somebody really got
carried away with the spirit of Christmas.
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146. That was me. I got
carried away with the spirit.
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147. Wasn't there a
$20 limit on the gift?
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148. This is 400 bucks.
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149. You don't know that.
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150. Yeah, you left
the price tag on.
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151. I did?
Yeah.
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152. What? Oh, shoot. Wow.
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153. Okay, well, who cares? It
doesn't matter what I spent.
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154. What matters is that
Christmas is fun, right?
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155. Michael.
Oh, hey, for me.
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156. What is in here?
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157. Oh, come on.
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158. I knitted it for you.
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159. An oven mitt?
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160. Okay.
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161. So Phyllis is
basically saying,
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162. "Hey, Michael, I know you did
a lot to help the office this year
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163. "but I only care about you
a homemade oven mitt's worth."
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164. I gave Ryan an iPod.
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165. Should we just keep
opening up the presents?
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166. We don't do anything until
Michael gives us further instructions.
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167. I got it.
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168. We are going to turn
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169. Secret Santa into Yankee Swap.
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170. What is Yankee Swap?
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171. One person chooses a gift.
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172. The next person can either choose
a gift or steal that person's gift.
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173. If your gift gets stolen, then
you can steal someone else's gift
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174. or choose a new gift.
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175. I thought that was
called Nasty Christmas.
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176. Yeah, we call it
White Elephant.
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177. Well, I call it fun!
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178. Why are we doing this?
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179. Because it's better.
Because it's more special.
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180. It sounds mean.
Shut it.
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181. No, it's not...
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182. Okay, just give it a shot.
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183. Michael should have asked
the party planning committee first.
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184. He's not supposed to just spring
things on us out of nowhere.
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185. Okay, Meredith is up first.
Here's the deal.
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186. You can either pick a new gift
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187. or you can steal
somebody else's gift
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188. that they've already gotten,
like the oven mitt.
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189. I'll take the teapot.
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190. Oh. Shouldn't we...
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191. I bought that specifically
for Pam. Yankee Swap!
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192. That's what makes it fun.
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193. Pam, you can steal the oven
mitt now. I'll take the iPod.
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194. And I have to give it to her?
I don't have a choice?
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195. Yes. Now, you can
steal the oven mitt,
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196. the old shirt or the shower
radio or pick a new gift.
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197. That was meant for Kelly.
Yeah, I figured.
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198. I think this is going great.
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199. Yikes.
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200. Well, it's for Angela, so...
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201. That's, like, the creepiest
thing that I've ever seen.
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202. Angela, you're up.
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203. I'll take the poster.
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204. Some people like these.
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205. I will steal the iPod.
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206. Everyone wants the iPod.
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207. It's a huge hit. It is
almost a Christmas miracle.
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208. Oh, well, Oscar, you little
gourmand, you have the next turn.
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209. I'll take the teapot.
Damn it.
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210. Okay. Moving along,
Meredith, let's go.
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211. I really want the iPod.
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212. It's already been stolen this
round. Pick something else.
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213. I hope nobody takes this baby,
'cause this is great.
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214. Wow, look at that
fine craftsmanship.
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215. Somebody really put a lot
of work into that. It's beautiful.
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216. I'll take the oven mitt.
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217. Sucker!
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218. See, I wanted somebody to take
it. Boom! Reverse psychology.
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219. Reverse psychology
IS an awesome tool.
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220. I don't know if you guys
know about it,
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221. but basically you make someone
think the opposite of what you believe
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222. and that tricks them
into doing something stupid.
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223. Works like a charm.
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224. "In addition to these
paint ball pellets,
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225. "your gift includes two paint
ball lessons with Dwight Shrute."
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226. You and me, Michael. Yes.
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227. Who wants to take paint ball lessons?
How is that better than an iPod?
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228. I never said it was
better than an iPod.
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229. Michael keeps bragging about
his iPod, but you know what?
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230. Two paint ball lessons with
someone as experienced as I am
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231. is worth easily,
like, 2 grand.
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232. Take that, Saddam.
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233. Last gift, Kevin.
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234. I want the foot bath.
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235. That's the thing
I bought myself.
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236. I'm really psyched to use it.
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237. Maybe I should have
taken the iPod.
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238. Oh, shoot.
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239. Pam, steal something
or pick the final gift.
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240. - I want the iPod.
- Damn it.
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241. Sure you don't want
the teapot?
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242. Well, I mean, it's
an iPod. But... Right.
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243. Sorry, I...
No. No. Definitely. It's...
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244. Okay, well, I guess I will
take that book of short stories.
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245. Yes! There you go.
I want the tea pot. Gracias.
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246. Got to be kidding me.
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247. Yankee Swap is like
Machiavelli meets
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248. Christmas.
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249. What is she so upset about?
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250. Maybe because you hated
her present so much.
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251. Come on! I think that
Yankee Swap was a big hit.
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252. I think it was a success,
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253. and I'm the one who ended up
with Dwight's stupid paint ball pellets.
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254. Yeah, but, Michael, the point is that
we all bought gifts for specific people.
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255. And you should have just bought
a $20 gift like everyone else.
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256. Well, I didn't.
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257. I got a big bonus
because I fired Devon,
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258. and I used the money to buy
something awesome. Sue me!
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259. You got a bonus check?
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260. How much?
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261. It wasn't... It wasn't
that much. It was $3,000.
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262. All right, I'm done now.
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263. Unbelievable.
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264. I do the nicest thing that anyone
has ever done for these people,
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265. and they freak out.
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266. Well, happy birthday, Jesus.
Sorry your party's so lame.
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267. It comes to $166.41.
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268. All right, now, you're the expert. Is
this enough to get 20 people plastered?
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269. Fifteen bottles of vodka?
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270. Yeah, that should do it.
Cool, cool. Box it up.
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271. I bought this teapot for Pam,
and I know she really wants it.
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272. So, can I trade you for it?
No trades.
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273. Come on. It's a shamrock
keychain. Good luck.
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274. "A real man makes his
own luck." Billy Zane, Titanic.
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275. Look it has sentimental value,
Dwight. Can I buy it from you?
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276. No. I want it.
I'm going to use it.
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277. You don't even drink tea.
True.
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278. But I get sinus infections, and
sinus infections can be cured
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279. by making your tea
from green tea leaf stems...
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280. Okay.
and pouring it directly
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281. into your nose, like so.
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282. To think that my gift to Pam
will be used for that,
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283. it's a little
too much to handle.
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284. This is awesome.
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285. I know. It's totally gonna
change the way I work out.
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286. Yeah, I was gonna get you one of
these for Christmas, now I don't have to.
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287. I'm gonna save a ton of money.
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288. So what are you
gonna get me instead?
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289. I don't know. Probably, like,
a sweater or something.
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290. Uh-oh.
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291. Looks like Santa
was a little naughty.
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292. What is that?
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293. This is Christmas spirit,
as in spirits, booze.
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294. We can drink?
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295. We're really not supposed
to serve alcohol.
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296. Zip it, Toby! Just...
I mean, it's a party. Come on.
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297. If I can't throw a good party for my
employees, then I am a terrible boss.
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298. Who wants a drink?
Me. Please.
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299. Go! Here we go!
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300. The deal is that
this is my last hurrah,
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301. "cause I made a
New Year's resolution
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302. that I'm not gonna drink
anymore during the week.
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303. - Hi, guys.
- Hey.
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304. Does everyone know
my boyfriend, Bob Vance?
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305. Kevin Malone. Bob
Vance, Vance Refrigeration.
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306. Stanley Hudson. Bob
Vance, Vance Refrigeration.
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307. Ryan Howard. Bob
Vance, Vance Refrigeration.
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308. What line of work you in, Bob?
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309. I think after I lost Culpepper
and T.O. it was over, man.
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310. Oh, yeah,
I need McMahon,
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311. Deion Branch to have big
games, or else I'm done.
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312. It's possible.
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313. I can't believe you
traded Shaun Alexander, man.
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314. I had to,
I needed defense.
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315. Come on! Shaun Alexander?
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316. He's the best back in the
league. - It's defense.
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317. Oh, no. That's not
worth it. - It is worth it.
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318. Never.
Are you kidding? You wait.
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319. Anybody making out in here?
Not yet. Give it time.
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320. Oh, hey, Ebenezer, boink.
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321. Okay, how's it going in here?
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322. We're running low on cups. Do you
want me to just run out and get some?
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323. Yeah, there should be some...
No, no, no.
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324. We'll find some.
Don't leave the party.
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325. One, two, three!
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326. Kudos to Ryan,
king of the party committee.
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327. - Oh, no.
- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
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328. I really did not do anything.
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329. Oh, no, no.
No false modesty, my friend.
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330. You know, you don't have to
answer calls during a party.
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331. Just thought you should know.
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332. No, I was just
checking out my present.
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333. But...
I traded with Dwight.
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334. Just, I figured, you know,
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335. you went to a lot of trouble
and it means a lot.
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336. And also, Roy got me an iPod
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337. or was going to
get me an iPod, so...
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338. Well, either way.
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339. This is an amazing gift
because it comes with bonus gifts.
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340. Look inside.
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341. Oh, my God!
The yearbook picture.
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342. Yeah, I think
I made the right choice.
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343. Oh, my God! It's incredible.
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344. Is this the bottle timer?
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345. I didn't think you were gonna
get that one. I really didn't.
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346. This is so awesome.
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347. Not bad. And if it couldn't go to Ryan,
you are the guy I'd want it to go to.
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348. Thank you.
You're welcome.
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349. Merry Christmas, asswipe.
No way.
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350. Oh, you're kidding me. Packer!
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351. Yes! Todd Packer,
ladies and gentlemen.
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352. What's
up, my nerds? Check it out!
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353. Oh, no, no. Oh, look at that.
Icing on the cake.
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354. Pacman need a drinky.
Oh, let's fix you up.
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355. Who wants to fix up... Toby?
Toby's gonna fix you up.
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356. Yeah.
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357. Darryl. There you go.
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358. You earned it.
That's okay, Mike.
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359. No, no, no, no. I really,
really want you to have it.
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360. All right. Thanks, man.
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361. Hey, Merry Christmas.
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362. Whose butt is that?
Mine.
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363. Oh, how did I not guess that?
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364. Lampshade on head!
It's happening!
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365. Oh, no.
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366. Oh, hello there.
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367. But what are you doing?
I don't know.
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368. You shouldn't do things like that.
The man is supposed to do that.
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369. - Thanks for the party, Michael.
- Yeah.
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370. Oh, hey... Listen
up. We're going to Poor Richard's.
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371. Who's in?
I'm In.
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372. Yes.
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373. Michael?
Poor Richard's?
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374. Yeah. That sounds good.
Copy !req
375. Christmas is awesome.
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376. First of all, you get to spend
time with people you love.
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377. Secondly, you can get drunk
and no one can say anything.
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378. Third, you give presents. What's
better than giving presents?
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379. And fourth, getting presents. So,
four things. Not bad for one day.
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380. It's really the
greatest day of all time.
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381. Hey, Meredith.
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382. Heading over to
Poor Richard's? Yep.
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383. Cool, cool, cool.
Do you need a ride?
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384. All right, let's head out.
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385. Sounds good. Do
you have a coat? Yeah.
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386. Okay!
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