The Oblongs 1x7

Directed by Monte Young

Carrie Aizley as Additional Voices (voice) • Phil LaMarr as Additional Voices (voice) • Jim Cummings as Sewer Workers (voice) • Laraine Newman as Nurse Rench (voice)

Milo and his friends crash a party thrown for the Mayor's daughter, Debbie Bledsoe, and they cause the Debbie's new locket to be tossed into the sewer. The zaftig Helga goes after the gift and gets lodged in the pipe, plugging it up like a human cork. The hill people and rescuers work feverishly to rescue... the locket, and leave Helga blocking the main water line -- just one flush away from the great beyond. Helga causes a disruption in the water supply to valley, but the hill people pay no attention -- until their water is cut off too.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. So as the noose of tyranny tightened around Nathan Hale's neck...

2. he uttered those brave and stirring words—

3. - Shut your teach-hole. - Excuse me?

4. I have an announcement to make.

5. - Debbie, I'm in the middle— - Boring.

6. - Well, I'm sorry if martyrdom— - Boring.

7. - If you'll— - Boring.

8. - I'll be quiet. - Okay.

9. My daddy, the mayor, is throwing me a totally fabulous birthday party.

10. And only some of you get to come.

11. I will now personally hand out the invitations for dramatic effect.

12. Debbie, Debbie, doofus, dorkus, Debbie.

13. Helga, I have a special one for you.

14. "Fat chance, you fat garbage bag of fat."

15. So this will definitely get me in, right?

16. Just keep moving, blondie. That trick's not gonna work on me.

17. Like I care. I didn't even make you a fake one.

18. What? You know, it's not fair that you make fun of some people and not others.

19. - Okay, you big baby. You can have hers. - Great. Now I don't get fake invited?

20. Debbie, you should've brought enough fake invitations for all the unpopular children.

21. You know, you try to do something really mean and cruel...

22. and it just gets thrown back in your face.

23. I wish I was at Debbie's party. I heard they booked every pony in the county.

24. I love barbecue.

25. And I am so in the mood to party hearty.

26. Proposal. Let's just pretend the party isn't happening.

27. Then we won't know that we're missing anything.

28. Come on, we don't need the Debbies. We have our imaginations.

29. Inside our brains is an entire universe of fun.

30. Disneyland, Six Flags, Euro Disney, they're all in there. All we have to do is tap into it.

31. - How do we do that? - I don't know.

32. Kids, I think it stinks that those stuck-up Debbies blew you off.

33. Makes me ashamed I grew up in the hills.

34. So I'm gonna throw you your own party.

35. What do we do first? Pin the tail on something?

36. No, something much better. Bobbing for laundry!

37. The object is to sort the soiled clothes into whites and colors using only your mouth.

38. I think I'm gonna be sick.

39. - Dad? - Oh, thank God.

40. I fell in the hamper this morning and my screams were muffled by underpants.

41. Happy whatever to whoever Happy whatever to whoever

42. Mazeltov.

43. This cake tastes weird.

44. Well, we didn't have any chocolate frosting, so I used deviled ham.

45. Make a wish.

46. I wish I was dead.

47. Milo, it won't come true if you say it out loud.

48. Come on, Mikey, get those hips into it.

49. Sweetie, a wasps' nest isn't really a proper piñata.

50. Bob, I'm entertaining on a budget here.

51. The candy's stinging me.

52. This must be what heaven is like.

53. Nope. In heaven, you get to float around on clouds.

54. Cool cloud ride.

55. Oh, my God. Another pair of cute shoes. Look, everyone.

56. - Cute shoes. - Cute shoes.

57. I come back for another load.

58. This one's from Daddy. And I challenge any of you gutless yellow-bellies...

59. to come up with a gift that's half as good.

60. Time's up. I win.

61. A locket. Oh, Daddy, give us a kiss.

62. - Ain't got time to kiss. - Okay.

63. And now, for the most explo-tastic fireworks display...

64. in the history of the universe. Let's all move to the front yard.

65. I said, move it.

66. Look, it's the Ralph Lauren flag.

67. - Hey, they're all leaving. - I know what you're thinking.

68. But Miss Manners says crashing a party is a faux pas of biblical proportions.

69. Miss Manners doesn't carry the clout she used to.

70. I wanna get off now.

71. Witch. Witch!

72. Come on, giddyup a little.

73. Will I marry a handsome man and have beautiful children?

74. - No. - You didn't look at my palm.

75. I don't have to.

76. Go ahead. Try it on.

77. I've never felt so beautiful.

78. Crashers.

79. And that fat girl has my locket.

80. Debbie, it's me, your best friend, Helga. And I'm not fat, I'm zaftig.

81. I can't get the locket off. The clasp is covered by fat.

82. Zaftig. It's covered by zaftig.

83. Hand over that locket, kids...

84. unless you wanna tangle with Mayor Johnny "The Mayor" Bledsoe.

85. I'm sorry, but it's stuck.

86. Let's get them.

87. Helga, get in. Somehow the force of gravity will protect us.

88. The hell with this.

89. You're about to get pounded, Oblong. And nothing can save you.

90. Stupid gravity.

91. Kiss my butt goodbye.

92. Just came back to apologize for that "butt" crack.

93. Hey, butt crack. I'm on a roll. Get it, "a roll"? A ro—

94. I'll just return that locket now.

95. My locket.

96. It went down the sewer where all the smelly stuff is.

97. Oh, I'm sorry, Debbie. Don't worry. I'll get it for you.

98. Wait. That sewer is chock-full of alligators.

99. Better take a cell phone.

100. Here, tubby, let me help you.

101. Hello? Wait, I see it.

102. The fat girl's stuck in a pipe...

103. and so is the locket.

104. Why do bad things happen to good jewelry?

105. Hello, we're back with "Terror in the Sewer," day one.

106. An adorable, defenseless little locket has been trapped in the sewer for hours...

107. as rescuers work feverishly to return it to young Debbie Bledsoe...

108. the daughter of our beloved mayor, "The Mayor."

109. The locket seems to be stuck on this greasy pigtail.

110. What about me? You gotta get me out of here.

111. If we disrupt this pipe, the ceiling could collapse.

112. - We know what we're doing, sir. - I'm not a sir. I'm a beautiful little girl.

113. He's obviously in shock. Let's get out of here.

114. Mom, Dad, Helga's trapped in the sewer, and nobody seems to care.

115. Come on, Milo, the government and the media have never let us down before.

116. Great news. They're bringing the locket up.

117. Apparently, it's safe, though badly tarnished.

118. It will be airlifted to a jewelry store for emergency buffing.

119. Tune in at 11, when we'll talk to the neighbor of the man...

120. who made the velvet box the locket came in.

121. - I'm sure they'll be back. - Yeah, right.

122. Hello? Is anyone there?

123. - I think there's rats in my butt. - We have to do something.

124. We could try a mousetrap, but it might damage her rectum.

125. Milo, get my rock-climbing rope out of the trunk.

126. This won't hurt, will it?

127. This may be harder than we thought.

128. Good night, Maxine. Helga's blocking the main water line for the whole valley.

129. I wonder if there have been any repercussions.

130. Thought I'd never get that splinter out.

131. Corn.

132. All the water's off in the whole valley, and you hill people don't give two hoots.

133. How'd you like a hoot sandwich?

134. - We can't shave. - Or shower.

135. Or void our bowels.

136. Our bowels.

137. Hey, have some compassion, valley people.

138. There's a morbidly obese little girl down there...

139. who's crying her enormous eyes out.

140. She's fat, she's frightened, and she's one of our own.

141. Yeah, we gotta help Helga.

142. - Who? - The clog.

143. Oh, right.

144. Let's not personalize it by giving it a name.

145. It's not like we haven't tried to get the fat girl out.

146. We lubed her up with butter, but she kept licking it off.

147. Maybe you should bring in a team of nerdy engineers.

148. Not in the budget. We'd have to cancel the new dog track and Tom Bosley Day...

149. and no one wants to see that.

150. - So, what are you going to do? - We wait.

151. And in a few days, she'll lose a couple of pounds, drop out the old-fashioned way.

152. Sure, what do you care? You hill people still have water up here.

153. That's true, but I promise you, we remain ever sensitive to your plight.

154. As long as I'm mayor, that water keeps dancing.

155. So the idea is, you don't eat anything for a couple of days.

156. Me no likey the no-eating part.

157. I'll go on a diet when I finally hit rock bottom.

158. Helga, you're wedged like a human cork in a reeking sewer.

159. I'm pretty sure that's the bottom.

160. But it'll take forever to lose weight, and I want out of here now. I'm scared.

161. Don't worry, Helga. You're gonna be fine.

162. Unless there are African viper bats down here.

163. They can pick a cow clean in under a minute.

164. Anyway, we brought you some books on tape.

165. This one is really good. Mein Kampf, as read by Jimmie JJ Walker.

166. The Aryan race is dy-no-mite!

167. Remember, whatever you do, don't eat anything.

168. Hello.

169. Poor Helga. How can they leave that fat little girl down there?

170. Don't worry, sweetie. Have faith in the system.

171. Bob, the hill people are the system.

172. If we don't take care of our own, no one will.

173. Let me tell you something, missy.

174. Without the system, we'd be no better than dirty apes eating bananas, peels and all.

175. Is that what you want?

176. God, it makes me hot when you're forceful and stupid.

177. What was that?

178. It's the toilet, stupid. I mean, Dad. Mom said it.

179. - Beth, what did you just do? - I made a stinky. Was I not supposed to?

180. Oh, my God. We have water.

181. Looks like it's just us.

182. Of course. We're the only house in the valley on the other side of Helga's clog.

183. Well, come on, we gotta share it with the community.

184. Not so fast. This could cause a riot.

185. - Maybe we should hoard it. - Yeah, let's hoard it.

186. - Cool, I love to hoard. - Agreed. We hoard.

187. First of all, everybody stop saying "hoard."

188. Secondly, if we don't share...

189. - ... we're as bad as those greedy hill people. - You're right.

190. Of course, Pickles. For a moment, I lost my head.

191. I was just a selfish, confused torso.

192. Now we wait.

193. What's all the commotion?

194. I have to activate these sea monkeys, or they'll remain trapped forever...

195. in their dehydrated hell.

196. I'll save them.

197. Biff, Chip, you've got the whole football team in here?

198. We need water for the rat-tails, or they don't sting as much. Check it out.

199. That hurt. Now, clear out of here.

200. This jungle of penes makes me very uncomfortable.

201. Hi, guys. Want some egg foo yung?

202. Helga, you're supposed to be losing weight.

203. It's not my fault. All this stuff just fell through the manhole.

204. So I'm not Kate Moss. Big deal.

205. Kate Moss isn't stuck in a sewer.

206. I don't know. When you think about it, is there really any bigger sewer...

207. than the world of professional modeling?

208. Thanks for the use of your living room. I couldn't run a bar without a bathroom.

209. And the wet T-shirt contest would've been a bitch.

210. Hey, if it were up to me, I would've done this years ago. Bob's the real trouper here.

211. - Sweetie, you got a little dart there. - I know.

212. It's in too deep to shake out.

213. Mom, Dad, Helga's gonna be stuck in that pipe forever.

214. She'll get married and have kids in there. Her kids will marry each other and have more.

215. And then there'll be hillbillies in the sewer, and the banjo-playing will drive us insane.

216. Finally, somebody's making some sense.

217. Bob, if we don't save that poor fat girl, no one will.

218. Maybe you're right.

219. Eureka. I think I've got it.

220. Now, that's in the bone.

221. I got this idea from opening a can of beer, sir.

222. Now, if you lend me an industrial pump...

223. we can create a vacuum on this side of Helga.

224. And the air pressure from behind will blow her out of the pipe.

225. - Frankly, I'm impressed, Oblong. - Thank you, sir.

226. The fact you can open a can of anything is nothing less than inspiring.

227. - What about the plan? - Oh, that. Utter poppycock. No pump.

228. Bob, we all want our water back, but you're gonna get us in trouble.

229. James, do you ever wanna use your Slip N' Slide again?

230. I'll get the car.

231. Okay, suction complete. Get ready.

232. Don't worry, Helga.

233. The only thing you'll feel is about 10,000 pounds...

234. of water pressure as it shoots up your dress.

235. My advice is to clench everything.

236. Okay, let her rip.

237. Helga, sweetie, did it work?

238. I think I'm stuck in a different pipe.

239. Okay, so we failed.

240. At least no one will ever know we tried this.

241. Oblong!

242. Do you think he means you?

243. Don't worry. Now that the water is off in the whole city...

244. you can bet the hill people will do something.

245. Here, this will keep you warm, honey, and beautiful.

246. - My bottom is moist. - There's a shocker.

247. No, he's right. The water level seems to have risen a little.

248. Oh, well. It's not like it's an ominous sign or anything.

249. Let's just forget about it.

250. Forget about what?

251. As you know, because of the little fat girl...

252. the entire town of Hill Valley is now without crapper facilities.

253. Just blast the heathen out.

254. We'd love to, but the valley water contains trace amounts of chemicals...

255. which make it just slightly more flammable than napalm.

256. So until you get the fat girl out...

257. where are decent, God-fearing hill people supposed to make "pooples"?

258. Bob, the system you have so much faith in just drove onto our lawn in a Sherman tank.

259. Criminy. I just seeded that grass.

260. What the poople is going on?

261. Your house and toilet are being commandeered for official use.

262. - Please vacate the premises. - How can you do that?

263. The law of eminent domain.

264. - Hey. - Eminent domain.

265. What the hell is that?

266. To raise funds and cut down on the line, the city is turning this into a pay toilet.

267. A hundred dollars? But only rich people can afford that.

268. Yeah, funny how that works.

269. Pardon me, pardon me. Paying customer coming through.

270. The great equalizer.

271. Helga. We gotta do something, or she's gonna drown.

272. On the bright side, you've already got the bloating part over with.

273. Thanks. I feel much better.

274. You're not gonna die. You're my friend, and I won't let you.

275. Thanks, Milo. But I think my number is up.

276. Stupid toilet.

277. That's it. All those rich people using our toilet are making the water rise.

278. Come on, we gotta stop them.

279. People, if you cannot afford the 100-dollar commode toll...

280. please go squat in the field like an animal.

281. Excuse me, excuse me. I just have to make a little sissy.

282. It's not fair. We demand the right to use the bathroom.

283. No taxation without elimination.

284. Hell, no, we won't go in the bushes.

285. Hell, no, we won't go—

286. Oh, Lord. Look away. Avert your eyes, people.

287. Listen, I just found out that flushing the toilet is raising the water level in the sewer.

288. One more flush, and Helga will drown.

289. This is just one of your valley tricks.

290. If you can't use the bathroom, you don't want anyone to.

291. Dearest, flush yourself silly.

292. No. Helga's my friend, and I promised her she'd be okay.

293. It's too late now. I have to flush. There's something of mine in the bowl.

294. I know you hill people don't think much of us valley folk...

295. but we're human beings, just like you.

296. Just like you, our greatest hope is that our children...

297. will grow up to lead full and happy lives.

298. If you flush that toilet, you'll not only be flushing away a little fat girl's life...

299. you'll be flushing away hope itself.

300. And despite what they say in the movies, hope doesn't float.

301. Let her rip, baby.

302. No!

303. Rats.

304. That was kind of pointless.

305. Helga is safe.

306. She's safe. We did it.

307. Thank you, sir. My locket is shinier than ever.

308. My locket.

309. Oh, my gosh. Don't worry, Debbie. I'll get it for you.