The Newsroom 1x9

1. I want some sort of document about what we've been trying to do here.

2. I get to pick the writer. I'm going with New York Magazine and you.

3. What about our history?

4. - You dated him? - Brian Brenner is the guy I cheated on Will with.

5. - Wow. - Tell me about this new debate.

6. The RNC is looking at Will to possibly host a debate,

7. and Will and Mac have an idea for a new debate format we want to show them.

8. Whose idea was it to not cover the Casey Anthony trial?

9. - It was mine. - It was hers.

10. Half our audience changed the channel in one week.

11. I want the debate. If that means we have to be Jerry Springer

12. for a few weeks, I'm willing to pay that price.

13. The night we got bin Laden I got a call from an anonymous source.

14. He works in software engineering at the NSA.

15. We have to start vetting him and the documents.

16. You got some tweets from Congressman Weiner.

17. And I've got copies of them right here.

18. We can do a pre-tape.

19. - Will. - Yes, I'm sure I want to do this.

20. God, please give me a sign I'm not doing a big thing badly.

21. Backup generators should have come on already.

22. Maybe it just needs a minute.

23. It doesn't just need a minute. It's an emergency generator

24. that's supposed to make a seamless handoff

25. so if this happens during a show— Herb?

26. Power's out in the whole building.

27. It's been explained to me 19 different ways

28. how we can never lose power in the studio.

29. What about all the redundancies?

30. There was a round of budget cuts before you got here.

31. - And they cut some of the redundancies... - Don't say it.

32. - because they thought they were redundant. - Mm-hmm.

33. Okay.

34. - That's a good sign, right? - Those are battery powered.

35. - When should I start to worry? - I'd have started already.

36. Electricians are on their way.

37. We lost power in the studio.

38. What makes you say that?

39. Everybody, listen up. It's the whole building.

40. We've sent for maintenance to check on our generator.

41. They should be here in a minute.

42. They've got to walk up 25 floors.

43. Okay, they should be here in a couple of hours.

44. Neal, I want you to be in charge

45. of rationing battery life for laptops and cell phones.

46. - I have a question. - Yes?

47. What if the power doesn't go back on?

48. I don't think that's a realistic possibility.

49. I don't mean ever. I mean what if the power doesn't go on by showtime?

50. Do we have a contingency?

51. No.

52. Mac?

53. A miracle.

54. A miracle happens.

55. We become a team again.

56. We all hate this, right?

57. We're gonna hate it more after 10 minutes of no air conditioning.

58. No, not the power outage. We hate what we're doing.

59. We hate that we're covering

60. Casey Anthony and Anthony Weiner.

61. We hate that we have to do it to save the ratings.

62. We hate that we have to bump important stories.

63. And we're starting to be not very pleasant people to be around.

64. Guys, this is real.

65. I'm not making this up.

66. Just a minute ago when I was prepping for a pretape

67. with that idiot who's still sitting in the studio—

68. - Are you talking about me? - No!

69. Yes. When I was prepping for her pretape I said,

70. "God, please show me a sign that I'm not doing a big thing badly."

71. And right that second all the power went out.

72. And so obviously I thought, "There's my answer."

73. Raise your hand if Mac's freaking you the hell out right now.

74. No, listen to me!

75. Just tell us how we do the show if the power doesn't—

76. By being a team again. And that was God's plan.

77. Keep God out of this and talk more about electricity.

78. We do the show outside right in the plaza.

79. - How? - Yeah, we can do this.

80. What do we need? A desk, a camera,

81. some microphones, and a way to beam a signal into space.

82. The grips take apart the anchor desk.

83. And carry it down 25 flights?

84. You bet your ass they do.

85. We can use a single tripod-mounted handheld.

86. - We park a sat truck out there. - That's right.

87. - Run the video and graphics through Washington. - Yes!

88. I'm in your sight line the whole time,

89. in your ear and standing next to camera.

90. I'll have a laptop with a constant iNews connection.

91. How do we get power to editors to run the Avids?

92. What did they do in Apollo 13?

93. They shut down all the power in the command module

94. and siphoned it into the LEM. I don't think that's gonna work here.

95. What would they have done if there was a hardware store in space?

96. - Buy a generator. - We're gonna buy two.

97. One goes in an Avid bay and the other stays downstairs.

98. - What time does the sun set tonight? - 8:37.

99. Why in the world would you know that?

100. One of those things.

101. We'll need HMis with gels for the top half hour

102. and incandescents for the bottom half.

103. We need the NYPD for security

104. and we need to trust each other.

105. Does anybody think we're not good enough

106. - to pull this off? - No!

107. - Should I still be sitting here? - I'm so sorry, Sandy.

108. I know you had your heart set on entertaining us

109. with private details of a man you were sexting with

110. and maybe a Playboy spread,

111. but we're not able to do pretape.

112. So if you want to do the show, you're gonna have to do it live.

113. I already committed to Fox,

114. and no offense, but it's a bigger audience.

115. Shoot! Does anybody think we can't do this?

116. - No! - This is a blessing in disguise.

117. I say the power going out

118. is the best thing that ever happened to us.

119. I say the power going out

120. is what is gonna save this—

121. Son of a bitch!

122. You're a freaking riot, you know that?

123. I meant to tell you,

124. you should use the word bombshell more

125. in the Casey Anthony coverage tonight.

126. Sandy, you're back in business.

127. - Great. - Let's go.

128. Bombshell after bombshell today in the trial of Casey Anthony

129. for the murder of her two-year-old daughter Caylee.

130. Casey's brother, Lee Anthony, took the stand

131. to testify about the events of the night of July 15, 2008,

132. when Caylee was reported missing.

133. - Watch and listen. It's riveting stuff. - Roll five.

134. When you asked your sister

135. why won't you allow us to see Caylee,

136. what do you recall her saying?

137. I told Detective Edwards that she said—

138. I'm paraphrasing—

139. "Because maybe I'm a spiteful bitch."

140. Lee Anthony described his odyssey that month

141. trying to find his missing niece.

142. Oddly, he was never questioned

143. about the defense's claim he molested Casey.

144. For the latest, we're joined live from Orlando

145. by ACN's Selena Machado.

146. - Can you describe how you're feeling right now? - No.

147. Selena, how did Casey seem today during her brother's testimony?

148. Well, her demeanor was different with Lee

149. than it was with her mother.

150. The normally outspoken Democratic New York congressman

151. is suddenly tongue-tied and evasive.

152. Here he is again today with The Today Show's Luke Russert.

153. - Roll 16. - That's not a picture of you?

154. You know, I can't say with certitude.

155. My system was hacked. Pictures can be manipulated.

156. Pictures can be dropped in and inserted.

157. Someone committed a prank on me.

158. Somehow got access to my Twitter account

159. and right away put up a picture

160. that made fun of the name Weiner.

161. Hey, we can be doing mock debate prep during this.

162. Hey, debate prep.

163. You don't have to watch this.

164. We don't know for sure what happened here.

165. I spoke earlier today with Sandy Witless,

166. - a bartender— - Whiddles, like carving wood.

167. Excuse me, Sandy Whiddles, a bartender here in Manhattan

168. who had been tweeting with Congressman Weiner for the past several months.

169. - Here's that interview. - Roll 22.

170. - Thank you for speaking to us, Sandy. - Thank you.

171. When did you become a Twitter follower of the congressman?

172. Let me say first that I was more than a follower.

173. We had a relationship, which is obvious when you read the texts.

174. Does he usually smoke at his desk?

175. I have copies of the texts right here.

176. I know you're eager to read the tweets.

177. - We'll get to those in a moment. - Okay, because—

178. Did the congressman ever talk to you or tweet to you

179. anything that he was working on in one of his committees?

180. No. I have copies of the tweets right here.

181. Two minutes and 20 seconds in the C block

182. to educate the public on the most irresponsible economic inaction in my lifetime.

183. I know, it's all upside down because of Casey Anthony.

184. - Once ratings are back up— - We're committing journalistic malpractice.

185. Fortunately, there's no such thing.

186. How great would it be if there was?

187. I can understand your frustration.

188. - What's your thing again? - It's a website for trolls.

189. They get together and talk about their conquests.

190. And I want to produce a story and Mac's given me the go-ahead

191. - to go to the next level. - Go on the website?

192. Yeah, but I can't get in the conversation

193. till I can point to another website and show how I've—

194. - Been an asshole? - Yes.

195. I have to go onto a message board and disrupt the conversation

196. to the extent that havoc ensues.

197. Then I can go on the troll website and brag about it.

198. But you don't want to do something or say something

199. - that would hurt someone you don't know. - Right.

200. You want to say things that would hurt me.

201. Yes.

202. What website?

203. You've heard of EconomyBrain.com?

204. Yes, it's a financial news aggregate blog and discussion forum

205. that attracts an intelligent level of debate.

206. And the commenters have a very high opinion of your analyses.

207. So you'd like my permission to—

208. Jump in there and invent heinous and incendiary lies about you,

209. end the intelligent debate, and start a whole new one

210. about, say, whether or not you're a whore.

211. My dad has friends who are economists, too.

212. So with Father's Day just around the corner,

213. - this'll save me the trouble of shopping for him. - I know.

214. Just print out the whole whore debate and put it in a nice frame for him.

215. It would be my first story.

216. And I really think it's a good one.

217. I think so, too.

218. Just let me know when it's over.

219. - You're the greatest. - I really am.

220. This is Hang Chew's.

221. The staff adopted it as their hangout

222. 'cause they get cheap food and drinks until 9:00.

223. - Can you spell that? - N-I-N-E O-C—

224. Okay.

225. Is it important that you treat me like I'm an asshole?

226. I wouldn't say important so much as

227. - it just sort of feels right. - I know you'd agree it would be better

228. - to keep our personal past out of this. - Yeah.

229. That said, I'd like to point out that you broke up with me, too.

230. - Listen, Brian— - I broke up with you, we got back together,

231. and then you broke up with me. Those are the facts.

232. I sure hope we're on the record for this.

233. And during the second act, you were with Will behind my back.

234. Once again, I was with you behind Will's back.

235. Yeah, and it makes me feel great when you say that,

236. but I do think we should stick to the story.

237. The story is this: Will is a heavyweight.

238. And for a long time he was pretending to be a lightweight.

239. - Because lightweights get higher ratings. - Yes.

240. Will's a lonely guy, isn't he?

241. - Is he— - He's lonely.

242. He doesn't care about ratings because of the money.

243. He cares about ratings because the audience

244. makes him feel less lonely.

245. What do you plan on writing about, Brian?

246. I don't know yet.

247. I have to talk to Sloan. Excuse me one second.

248. He is a lonely guy.

249. I don't know if that started around the time

250. I told him I'd been sleeping with you,

251. but I'll bet it didn't help.

252. Governor Pawlenty, the possibility exists

253. that New Hampshire will become the 23rd state

254. to pass right-to-work legislation.

255. As president, would you support a federal right-to-work law?

256. - You should have this. - Give me a second.

257. for much of my life my father was a Teamster truck driver.

258. My brothers and sisters were in unions.

259. - I was in a union. - We grew up in a blue-collar town.

260. We live in the United States of America.

261. Governor, we know where we live. Would you support—

262. People shouldn't be forced to belong to or be a member of any organization.

263. Yes, I strongly support right-to-work legislation.

264. That's what an answer sounds like.

265. - Can I talk to you a sec? - Yeah.

266. Just the fact that they're debating

267. - whether or not to raise the debt ceiling— - I'm trying.

268. I need to find a Casey Anthony guest no one else has.

269. And hopefully I won't be able to do it.

270. - I'll be rooting against you. - Good.

271. - You doing all right over there? - With him?

272. - Yeah. - Yeah.

273. 'Cause you give me the signal and I can just get in there

274. - and, you know. - What?

275. - I don't know. - Okay.

276. - Debt ceiling. - Yeah.

277. Just hang in there one more day.

278. It's not one more day. It's another month.

279. The mock debate's tomorrow.

280. And once that's over, we need the numbers to protect you from Leona.

281. Not if Charlie's guy can do it for us.

282. And if he doesn't turn out to be credible?

283. Then— I don't know. Let's take it one day at a time.

284. And get a guest that's promotable.

285. What are the flowers?

286. Nothing.

287. - Who are they from? - I don't know.

288. They didn't come with a card?

289. - They did. - The card wasn't signed?

290. - It was. - Was it another threat?

291. - No. - What am I missing?

292. Do you really want this on your plate right now?

293. The flowers aren't for me, they aren't from me,

294. they're just living in my office for a little while.

295. Can you be satisfied with that?

296. - Are they for me? - Let's go.

297. - Speaker Gingrich. - Yes?

298. As a candidate for the Republican nomination for president,

299. you signed a fidelity pledge promising to be faithful to your wife.

300. - Now hold it right there. - Didn't you also make that same pledge

301. at your three marriage ceremonies?

302. I find it absolutely disgusting that the liberal media—

303. - Fine. - No, that would be his answer.

304. I know. Are these guys gonna be ready for tomorrow?

305. - Absolutely. - We blow the mock debate,

306. we've been doing Casey Anthony and Anthony Weiner for nothing.

307. They understand.

308. The debate is the only reason we're scared of the numbers.

309. - Right. - The only reason.

310. Right.

311. We need a Casey Anthony guest no one else has.

312. Let me start here.

313. By any chance does anyone know anyone who knows anyone

314. who knows Casey Anthony?

315. Who?

316. My roommate Lisa went to high school with her.

317. - Are you kidding me? - No.

318. Why didn't you— Get her on the show.

319. She's already been approached by everyone including the agent.

320. - Dylan Kagin. - She doesn't want to talk.

321. - Convince her. - She really doesn't want to talk.

322. Be a producer. Do you want me to talk to her?

323. No, I can do it.

324. When you've got her booked, let me know so they can start the promos.

325. Do whatever you have to do.

326. Okay.

327. I like it. I do. But does it say Tonys?

328. Well, it's the Tonys. You're gonna be the youngest person there by about 50 years.

329. You know what I mean, right?

330. I think it looks spectacular on you.

331. It's so hard. I'm just not sure it's for the Tonys.

332. What about Galliano?

333. We, um— We stopped carrying Galliano

334. after he, you know, came out in support of the Holocaust.

335. I mean, I don't agree with him, but that's no reason to condemn him for life.

336. If only the Germans had had the same attitude. I told you on the phone—

337. - I know, that's why we came in person. - We?

338. - I'm just here in charge of morale. - I'm with a customer.

339. - We're not in a hurry. - We're actually in a huge hurry.

340. And I'm actually at my job where I work on commission.

341. And I'm with a customer, so I'll be done when she's done.

342. - Is that her? - You mean the only person in the store?

343. - Yeah. - Yeah.

344. Miss, I'm just a random heterosexual guy

345. from off the street and I think that dress looks great on you.

346. Don't even look at anything else.

347. Buy that dress and wear it out of the store.

348. He's just a— Don't worry.

349. - It would have meant more if you'd said you were gay. - Why is that?

350. I think I'm gonna try on the Di Santo.

351. Sure. Can I get you another glass of wine?

352. Ooh, I'd love that. Thank you.

353. They're counting on me. You'd be a big exclusive.

354. It's what's called a get. It's promotable.

355. And we need things that are promotable

356. so we can get daytime viewers to stay with us for the story.

357. Not for nothing, but you've never used any of those words before.

358. Well, sure, I have. But not in that order.

359. Guys, it makes me sick. It's an unspeakable horror that's happened.

360. It's not a television show and I'm not joining the cast.

361. And by the way, a week ago you guys would have said the same exact thing.

362. - A week ago we weren't fu— - This is bananas!

363. Well, the bodice hugs your body perfectly.

364. Look how it shows off your legs. See that?

365. - I do. - You just got two inches taller.

366. - Okay, but the big question— - Does it say Tonys?

367. - Miss. - Oh, God.

368. That dress screams Tonys.

369. You're gonna win in that dress.

370. Oh, God, no. I'm not a nominee.

371. That's how good the dress is.

372. You wear that dress and they'll just start

373. throwing Tony Awards at your head.

374. You, I promise, will have skull contusions

375. if you wear that dress to the Tonys.

376. I'd be terrible at this job.

377. Yeah, I have a McQueen that you may love.

378. And you know what? If you take it right now, it's on the house.

379. - I'm afraid it's not. - Well, then it's on me.

380. - It's $11,000. - For a dress?

381. Once again, I work on commission.

382. That's three times what I paid for my car.

383. - Let me know if you need any help in there. - Thank you.

384. A week ago we weren't screwed.

385. I knew her, that's it. We cut third period together.

386. Will's gonna treat you very gently.

387. Well, guess what— Did she kill children during Spanish?

388. - You can provide insight— - No, I can't.

389. No, I can't. I can't provide insight.

390. I have no earthly idea how she—

391. How this could have happened.

392. I can't provide insight and I can't stand the people who think they can.

393. Lisa, I need a little help with these buttons.

394. Sure.

395. You know what these pants cost me?

396. - $30. - That's right.

397. And they look just as good as the ones that cost $40.

398. You think they're kissing in there?

399. Do you think they're kissing in there?

400. If I was a woman, I'd spend the whole day kissing other women.

401. I don't understand gay men or straight women.

402. You know you're talking out loud, right?

403. Take a look. I think it's whimsical and romantic,

404. but it's still chic.

405. - I love it. - Look how it defines your waist.

406. - I love it! - We have a winner.

407. - Can we accessorize? - No, I'm sorry, miss.

408. We need to speak to Lisa for just one minute.

409. You can browse in the accessories section and we'll give her right back to you.

410. This isn't her fault, it's ours.

411. - Please patronize this store. - What?

412. Take a look at the jade earrings and I'll be right with you.

413. - Okay. - Am I not making myself clear?

414. Lisa, look at me.

415. You know that there is no way we'd be asking you

416. to do something like this if it wasn't important.

417. We got ambushed by the trial at the worst possible time.

418. There's a new debate format we want to show to reps from the RNC tomorrow.

419. And if we can't keep the ratings going up, it's not gonna matter.

420. We've been working on this for months and it's important.

421. And it's a good thing for everybody.

422. We can debate whether the ends justify the means—

423. Will and Mackenzie are counting on you?

424. I don't have anything to say.

425. You won't be asked anything you don't know the answer to.

426. Okay, what do I do?

427. Come to the newsroom at 7:00 tonight.

428. Oh, thanks. I owe you one.

429. I owe you more than one.

430. Let's go.

431. Um, I don't know if it was clear from my e-mails and phone calls,

432. but I've been wooing you.

433. Still trying to get that second first date.

434. And yet I can tell from the way you're staring at me

435. right now that this isn't the best moment.

436. You see that? I was able to tell without your saying anything.

437. Our minds are in sync.

438. But there's not an ounce of quit in me,

439. - so I'll woo you when— - What the hell are you doing?

440. All right, then. 7:00, it's a date.

441. Not really. I'm not crazy.

442. Thank you.

443. Yeah?

444. You wanted to see me?

445. It's 100 degrees outside. You're wearing a jacket?

446. Because it's Ice Station Zebra in my office.

447. - If you have any fresh fish you need to store— - Those are yours.

448. They were delivered for you this morning.

449. Jim signed for them and looked at the card,

450. which you can see isn't in an envelope.

451. Jim signed for them?

452. He said Maggie didn't see. She wasn't around.

453. Maggie and I have broken up a lot in the last year and a half.

454. I've—

455. I've gotten that sense.

456. - When we break up— - You go out with other women.

457. Isn't that what I'm supposed to do?

458. - I'm not judging you. - Then we get back together.

459. Do you tell the other women

460. that you've gotten back together with your girlfriend?

461. We're talking about people that I've been on one or two dates with.

462. Does Maggie know that you've been out with other women?

463. No.

464. Does Gina know that you're with Maggie?

465. - Jenna. - Hmm?

466. Jenna. These are from— Her name is Jenna.

467. You remember when I didn't care at all

468. about the lives of the people who worked here?

469. - Yeah. - Those were the days.

470. - Time to go. - Yeah.

471. Uh, I can't walk through the newsroom with these.

472. - I'll take care of it. - Thanks.

473. - Hey, Don. - Yeah?

474. I'm doing the right thing, right?

475. To do a little wrong to do a big right.

476. Get the debate.

477. - Was that Shakespeare? - Almost.

478. - Okay. - And I'm doing the right thing?

479. No. You're either lying to Maggie or you're lying to Gina.

480. Jenna. And I just backed you up with almost Shakespeare.

481. You couldn't throw me a bone?

482. I've got to go.

483. - That was a cliché. - I know.

484. But if you stand in the rain without a jacket, you're gonna get a cold.

485. And if you have a physically abusive father

486. who abandons you and your family,

487. you're gonna be 1,000 times more sensitive to betrayal

488. than the average person who's already extremely sensitive to betrayal.

489. I miss encyclopedias.

490. I always wanted to have a full set of encyclopedias.

491. You know, you pull down S off the shelf,

492. flip to a page, you read about, I don't know,

493. Salic law and why a woman can't inherit the French throne.

494. - You can Google it. - That's my point.

495. You have to know what you're looking for.

496. You can't browse for anything anymore.

497. Anyway, last night I was looking up signal intelligence intercepts

498. and whether they leave a fiber-optic footprint.

499. Is it important that I know what that meant?

500. No. We've got a whistle-blower who's giving us a big story and we have to vet him.

501. But what happened was I was reading about fiber-optic footprints

502. and a couple of clicks later, I was on

503. a relationship advice website called "Help Me Rhonda."

504. A woman wrote to Rhonda saying that her husband was cheating on her

505. and Rhonda suggested that the woman had to examine

506. what her role was in the cheating. It made me crazy.

507. Do you think it could possibly have been the woman's fault?

508. Are we saying that now?

509. What I don't believe is that a couple clicks

510. took you from fiber-optic footprints to "Help Me Rhonda."

511. If you went to a relationship advice website, just say so.

512. It was the middle of the night. There was nothing else to read.

513. Except the entire rest of the Internet.

514. Do you and Rhonda honestly believe that I share some of the blame

515. or even a small part of the blame for Mackenzie cheating with Brian?

516. - Do you? - No.

517. Fine.

518. 'Cause that's about the dumbest thing I've ever read.

519. And I'll tell you what else, I don't even think Rhonda's her real name.

520. - Yeah, look— - Maybe it is.

521. I don't know. But she's a moron.

522. You weren't part of the equation.

523. Ruined a perfectly good Beach Boys song.

524. Wait, what do you mean?

525. I can't really assess someone I haven't met.

526. Then why did you say it?

527. Because I can assess someone I haven't met.

528. My father left me volumes on the two of you.

529. I had to get an extra filing cabinet.

530. How was I not part of the equation?

531. Mackenzie got dumped by Brian. She got rejected.

532. People react to that in different ways.

533. When Brian started calling her again,

534. she saw the chance to get unrejected and she took it.

535. You weren't even part of the equation.

536. But once she got unrejected, she realized

537. that she wasn't in love with Brian in the first place,

538. that she was in love with you, and she confessed the whole thing.

539. - Not right away. - Who cares about not right away?

540. When she thought you were going to propose to her—

541. Do you remember when I came in here yesterday without an appointment

542. and interrupted your session with another patient?

543. I do remember that. It was yesterday.

544. And you said that the trick was to forgive Mackenzie.

545. - Yeah. - I actually know that.

546. Intellectually, in my brain, I know Mackenzie deserves to be forgiven.

547. I understood everything you said.

548. I understand she's taken every punishment I've given her,

549. including having Brian hang around the office and write his story.

550. I understand she's completely devoted to the show.

551. I understand mistakes. I understand time has passed.

552. I understand all of that. So why can't I forgive her?

553. Because you weren't rejected.

554. You were betrayed.

555. How's it going, Sampat?

556. Well, the problem with people who post on EconomyBrain

557. is they're not easily distracted.

558. Damn those economists and their adult attention spans.

559. They're not making it easy for me.

560. But a popular discussion at the moment

561. is a recent article projecting US credit rating fallout

562. as a result of the debt ceiling standoff.

563. Yes, I heard that on the news. No, wait, I didn't.

564. I heard about Casey Anthony instead.

565. Well, that's where I jumped in.

566. I said if I can balance my checkbook,

567. why can't the government balance its budget?

568. Mary, Mother of God, am I sick of that insane analogy.

569. Balancing your checkbook is to balancing the budget

570. as driving to the supermarket is to landing on the moon!

571. See?

572. Ah.

573. - I got you a little upset. - Yes.

574. So once they were hooked on telling me how stupid I am,

575. - I steered things in your direction. - How?

576. - You really want to know? - No.

577. - Good. - Tell me anyway.

578. I said the media and government are in a conspiracy cahoots—

579. - Conspiracy cahoots? - I have to sound authentically moronic.

580. How are the media and the government in a conspiracy cahoots?

581. By shoving your breasts in our face.

582. - Many angry posters came to your defense. - Good.

583. - So I created a second user account. - Of course.

584. And asserted it wasn't your breasts that were so compelling,

585. - it was your blatantly slutty body movements. - What evidence do you use—

586. I posted a link on your Wikipedia page detailing your rise

587. from small-town stripper to big-time financial news reporter.

588. - My Wikipedia page doesn't say that. - Check again.

589. You're going to see an emotional response

590. on my face and a physical response directed at yours.

591. It worked.

592. After two hours, I had economic PhDs posting in all caps.

593. And then the site administrator froze the thread.

594. All right. And this is enough to get you accepted

595. - into the fraternity of the pitiful? - Almost.

596. There's a sort of pledge process for the fraternity of the pitiful.

597. And this will get me to level one.

598. Once I do that, I can get to level two and swim with the professional trolls.

599. You're gonna be a good reporter.

600. And I like that someone is working on news stories.

601. Well, for what it's worth,

602. I could really get behind a government

603. that was in a cahoots conspiracy to shove your breasts in our face.

604. Aw.

605. Re-edit my Wikipedia page!

606. Soon.

607. He's on his way.

608. All right, what do you know so far?

609. - You got Lisa for tonight. - They've already started promoing it.

610. What do you have on the NSA source?

611. He's not rock solid.

612. Shit.

613. He didn't do well on his latest psych assessment.

614. - Oh, Christ. - They lowered his security clearance.

615. He also violated a restraining order.

616. - An ex-wife? - Yeah.

617. And he was arrested for solicitation in 1979.

618. - If you had this guy on a witness stand— - I wouldn't put him on a witness stand.

619. Wait a minute. He didn't score well on his psych exam,

620. but they didn't fire him. They just lowered his security clearance.

621. Yes, he's stalking his ex-wife and, yes, he tried to pick up a hooker,

622. but that doesn't mean he's lying about the NSA.

623. All we have are the transcripts of his testimony

624. and his testimony doesn't mean anything to me yet.

625. Keep working.

626. - Excuse me. - Which one of us?

627. Both.

628. - I'm gonna speak in code. - Why?

629. Because neither of you can suggest to a guest

630. what they should say on the air.

631. - Okay. I understand. - You do?

632. We've got Lisa. We've promo'd her.

633. - She's done her job. - She still has to show up.

634. But you don't care what she says once she does.

635. I don't.

636. So do me a favor. This is for me.

637. Get some statistics on the number of missing children cases this year?

638. Yes, please. And leave them for me

639. in the hair and makeup room.

640. - You understood that? - Yeah, I cracked your code.

641. - Hey. - Hi.

642. Jim, tell her she needs a little blush to accentuate

643. those gorgeous cheekbones. She refuses to listen.

644. I'm not auditioning for Dancing With the Stars. My cheekbones are fine.

645. She's fine.

646. Could you give us the room a second?

647. We're in a Vulcan mind meld again.

648. I can tell this is a bad time to ask—

649. Maggie's my best friend. She's actually my only friend, I think.

650. And I'd chop off my ears before I'd hurt her.

651. You're basing this all on the premise that—

652. Don's a good guy who's not in love with her.

653. She knows it.

654. You're on deck, pal.

655. I've been on deck for a year. I'm nobody's second choice.

656. Neither am I.

657. - Well, I— I wasn't implying— - Hey.

658. - How are you doing? - Fine.

659. Listen, why don't you take a look at this?

660. You can take that out there with you if you want.

661. Keep it right on the desk.

662. Will and Mackenzie won't mind?

663. I'll see you after.

664. - I was gonna say— - I want to learn this.

665. Please. Yeah.

666. Thank you.

667. You don't have to say anything you don't mean.

668. Okay.

669. I'm joined now by Lisa Lambert,

670. a friend of Casey Anthony's from high school.

671. - Good evening, Lisa. - Good evening.

672. - Did you know Casey well? - I didn't.

673. And neither did any of the other people showing up on TV claiming they did.

674. - But you took classes with her? - Wow.

675. - Yes. - Did she ever lose her temper?

676. Yeah, and when she did, we all said,

677. "Oh, my God, she's gonna kill her baby one day."

678. Fair enough. Let me ask you—

679. There were 80 million children reported missing last year.

680. Actually, I think you mean 800,000.

681. Yes.

682. 80 million would be way too many.

683. And I understand. But this one involves a murder.

684. Olivia Garcia was one year old

685. when she mysteriously died at her babysitter's house.

686. But Olivia Garcia had brown skin, so we're not that interested.

687. Same with Triumph Skinner, a seven-month-old

688. African-American who was rushed to the hospital with a crushed skull.

689. For some reason he's not keeping Nancy Grace up at night.

690. Where are you getting these facts?

691. Google.

692. Jariel Alexander died

693. after being knocked unconscious by his mother's boyfriend,

694. then scalded with boiling water

695. after soiling his pants at dinner.

696. But Jariel's mother isn't pretty, so what do we care?

697. I think you're making a very good point.

698. - Then I'd like to make one more. - Mm-hmm.

699. What if Casey Anthony had wanted an abortion?

700. - She didn't want an abortion! - Don't.

701. - She told you that? - No, I haven't spoken to her in years.

702. - I'm just asking. - Is this you?

703. - No. - Do the people who care so deeply

704. about the life of a microscopic piece of biology

705. with no ability to experience physical or emotional suffering

706. care at all about a two-year-old who was born to a mother

707. who didn't want the child and was unable to care for her?

708. Help her out of this.

709. Lisa, I just want to be clear for the viewers

710. that you're not saying Casey's only two options

711. were abortion or murdering a toddler.

712. I'm saying that there's an undiscussed

713. and unappreciated cruelty

714. in forcing a child to be born to a mother

715. who doesn't want the child

716. and isn't capable of raising the child.

717. Okay, let's get back to what Casey was like in high school.

718. Where's a power outage when you really need one?

719. What's wrong?

720. - You all right? - Yeah.

721. - How'd they know where you were? - Her Facebook page.

722. - Shut the page down. - I'll take care of it.

723. Hey.

724. - Is she all right? - Where's Lonny?

725. You shouldn't be out alone.

726. - You all right? - Yeah.

727. Are you mad I didn't tell you I was gonna do that?

728. No.

729. I know you're pro-life.

730. I'm not pro throwing a brick through a window.

731. There are gonna be local news trucks here any second.

732. - Get her out of here. - You, too.

733. Is that your boss? The owner of the shop?

734. I'm gonna talk to her.

735. This should have been me and not you.

736. Come on. Let's go.

737. Teddy, is there something different about these pants?

738. Different from what?

739. Every time I wear that suit, I mean every time,

740. I put both my legs into one side of the pants.

741. One side of the pants?

742. I stand up, I put one leg into one side,

743. and then I take my other leg and I'm certainly aiming

744. for the other side of the pants, but I get stuck.

745. And I'm asking if there's something,

746. not so much wrong, but different about those pants.

747. You can't put your pants on and you think

748. there's something wrong with the pants?

749. All right, get out.

750. - Adam Roth is here. - Yes.

751. - Adam! - Rock star.

752. - How you doing, man? - I'm good.

753. - How's Emily? - The whole family's great.

754. David got into Stanford, so thanks for the recommendation.

755. I wrote him a pretty bad recommendation. I'm surprised they took him.

756. They must not care that much about what you think.

757. This is my partner at the RNC,

758. - Tate Brady. - Nice to meet you.

759. - How do you do? - Excellent.

760. Charlie Skinner, Mackenzie McHale, this is Adam Roth.

761. Will talks about you like you were bunkmates at summer camp.

762. Well, we were, but the summer camp was the White House

763. and there was no bunk or sleep of any kind.

764. I was Bush 41's body man right out of college

765. and Will was writing greeting cards or something in the communications office.

766. I wrote serious policy speeches.

767. For the Muncie Chamber of Commerce.

768. They were good speeches.

769. And the president adopted Will

770. as the fourth son he never had.

771. The president knew my name and that's thanks to Adam.

772. I'm sorry. This is his partner Greg Brady.

773. - Tate. - I'm sorry, Tate.

774. Everybody sit down. Anybody need coffee or anything?

775. - I'm okay. - I'm good.

776. So we're glad to see your numbers rebounded from last week.

777. We hadn't been covering Casey Anthony and half our audience went to HLN.

778. But we started covering it and things stabilized.

779. Well, good, because we were about ready to offer a debate to Nancy Grace.

780. So the rules of the debate are pretty simple.

781. There is some room for you to make a few choices, but not much.

782. Everybody gets an opening statement.

783. Everybody gets at least two questions with 60 seconds to answer

784. and it's up to you whether you want to offer someone a rebuttal.

785. We had something different in mind.

786. What'd you have in mind?

787. Adam, how many hours did you and I spend

788. talking about how flawed the debates were?

789. Especially the primary debates?

790. A lot of hours.

791. Well, now you and I are in a position to do something about that.

792. Follow me.

793. The questions have to be tougher.

794. They have to be able to square their campaign rhetoric with facts.

795. They have to be stopped when they're not answering the question.

796. And they have to be called out when their answers contradict the facts.

797. Guys, get in place.

798. Our job is to find the two candidates

799. who'll give the voters the best competing arguments,

800. and I don't believe we're seeing that.

801. We have to put the candidates on a witness stand.

802. - Would you have them swear an oath? - Just let 'em do it.

803. If baseball players testifying about steroids

804. in front of a House Subcommittee are subject to perjury,

805. I don't know why presidential candidates aren't.

806. But I'm not reaching for the stars, I'm reaching just an inch higher.

807. Welcome to Princeton University in Princeton, New Jersey,

808. for the fifth debate in the 2012 Republican primary race,

809. cosponsored by Atlantis Cable News and the Republican Party of New Jersey.

810. At which point we'll explain the rules, which is there are no rules.

811. I question a candidate until I'm done.

812. They can each make an opening statement.

813. Beginning with you, Congresswoman Bachmann.

814. Hi, my name is Michele Bachmann.

815. I'm a former federal tax litigation attorney,

816. the owner of a successful company, and also a member—

817. Hang on. Is that supposed to be a Michele Bachmann impersonation?

818. No, nobody's doing impressions. This isn't an SNL sketch.

819. These people have spent two months studying stump speeches,

820. interviews, on-the-record statements, previous debate performances

821. in order to come as close as possible to answering

822. our questions the way the candidates would.

823. After the opening statements, we'd move to questioning.

824. Senator Santorum, you said that your campaign

825. is about freedom and that 20 years from now

826. you don't want to be telling your grandchildren

827. how America once was free.

828. Name three freedoms you had the day before

829. President Obama was sworn in that you don't have now.

830. Obamacare, to begin with.

831. Obamacare is the most egregious—

832. Have you had to change doctors?

833. - May I finish? - No, sir.

834. - Have you had to change doctors? - No.

835. Has anyone in your family had to change doctors?

836. Has there been any change at all in health care for you or your family?

837. I'm talking about Obamacare now.

838. My question was name three freedoms that you had

839. the day before the president was sworn in that you don't have now.

840. Mr. Speaker, you just said that if you're elected,

841. the price of gas will be $2.50 a gallon.

842. How does the US President control the price of oil?

843. Governor, you've said that as president you will never apologize for America.

844. This question is in two parts.

845. Name an instance in which the president

846. has apologized for America

847. and can you imagine no instance

848. in which a US president should apologize for America?

849. Mr. McAvoy, I find it reprehensible

850. that the liberal media would try to pit Republicans against one another.

851. And I, for one, won't stand by while it happens.

852. This is the Republican primary, Mr. Speaker,

853. and you're running for the nomination.

854. It wasn't my idea to pit you against anyone. It was yours.

855. Congressman Paul, I'd like to discuss the newsletters

856. you wrote and sold starting in the 1990s.

857. I've already said everything I have to say.

858. I never wrote those letters and I never even read them.

859. They had your name on them. They had your signature on them.

860. You made money from them. And in 1996 you defended them

861. to the Dallas Morning News.

862. - I don't like pretending— - Stop. Everybody stop.

863. There's no need to go along any further.

864. I see where you're going.

865. - Adam. - Listen—

866. Is there someplace we can talk privately?

867. Take my office.

868. Adam.

869. I think they really liked it.

870. You did a good job, everybody. Give me a minute.

871. - I told you, this guy— - This guy what?

872. Wasn't on the team.

873. - He's on the team, okay? - Hang on.

874. The team I'm on is the voters'

875. and smart, qualified people disagreeing about issues.

876. Your plan was to embarrass the candidates.

877. I want candidates who can answer those questions.

878. And if they know they're going to be held responsible for the nonsense

879. they're shouting on the stump, they'll be forced to stop shouting nonsense.

880. - This guy has lost his mind. - He hasn't.

881. Adam, this is exactly what we always talked about.

882. This is what we dreamed of.

883. We said we need real campaign reform

884. and a way of letting Americans hear the two best competing arguments.

885. Nobody could stand up to that kind of questioning.

886. - You think that was brutal questioning? - It really wasn't.

887. And you honestly believe the candidates would submit themselves to this?

888. - They should welcome it. - I don't believe what I'm hearing.

889. Any candidate who can handle a cross

890. is gonna find himself at the top of the polls in the morning.

891. And we should welcome it 'cause it'll clear out the clown car

892. and give us a serious discussion among serious candidates.

893. The only person who would welcome it is him.

894. This is about him. He wants to look tough

895. by making the candidates look like idiots.

896. No, he doesn't. I have known this man for 25 years and I vouch—

897. I don't care what you vouch for.

898. I am not allowing the goddamn press to make fools out of our candidates.

899. I'll remember that the next time you bitch about how the press never vetted Obama.

900. We're not agreeing to this format.

901. You are going to abide by the rules that we give you

902. and I don't want Mackenzie McHale producing it for you.

903. What are you talking about?

904. I want the old Will McAvoy.

905. Not the thing she turned you into.

906. I know all about that lady.

907. - Get out. - Will, come on. You need the debate.

908. Of course he can use Mackenzie.

909. These guys have been compromising and compromising all week

910. so we could host a debate that made some sense and did some good.

911. Well, I'm sorry to hear that, because it was all for nothing.

912. - We need ACN. - No, we don't.

913. They've got the independents.

914. He's not the only anchor at ACN.

915. - Don Keefer. - Yeah?

916. How would you and Elliot Hirsch like to have one of the debates?

917. Eat me.

918. - Mr. Skinner, I'm trying to be as— - When Don says, "Eat me,"

919. that's usually the end of the conversation.

920. Sloan Sabbith.

921. - You want to be a star? - Me?

922. - Yeah. - Fuck you.

923. I hate these guys.

924. I don't know why you don't.

925. And I'll be in the car.

926. I'm really sorry.

927. I can't be out of work.

928. - Tuition at Stanford is— - No, I know.

929. It was good seeing you.

930. You, too.

931. All those things we talked about...

932. Yeah.

933. Don't let 'em push you around.

934. You take it easy.

935. I'm sorry, everyone.

936. We lost the debate.

937. I'm sorry.

938. We've got about an hour to air. Let's put it together.

939. He'll cave. He'll agree to the debate on their terms.

940. - No, he won't. - You romanticize Will.

941. - Mm-hmm. - That mock debate was about him.

942. He was the star. He attacked his—

943. He didn't attack anybody.

944. He asked questions that the candidates should be able to answer

945. and that the voters should be able to hear them answer.

946. He didn't cower and he wasn't Ed McMahon.

947. Thinking there was even a remote chance—

948. - Maybe it was naive. - It wasn't naive, it was hubris.

949. It was gutsy and you're just jealous.

950. Jealous of what? You know, fuck you, Mac.

951. I've spent this week letting you kick my ass

952. from here to the Chrysler Building because you were selling out

953. every 15 minutes to get your hands on something you didn't get.

954. And you were embarrassed by it in front of me.

955. He doesn't want you.

956. Please don't talk about my personal life.

957. I'm sort of a key player in it.

958. Is it all right if I talk about my personal life?

959. Yes, I broke up with you. I'm the first guy ever

960. to break up with a woman. And then I came back.

961. Also unprecedented. Did he come back?

962. I don't know yet.

963. Seriously? After four years?

964. In Castaway, Helen Hunt got remarried in less time than—

965. I never would have gone with the Casey Anthony story.

966. I don't care how much of my audience I was losing.

967. And he's gonna cave on the debate, too.

968. - Are you sure about that? - I am absolutely sure about that.

969. You know what I like about Will?

970. He's not absolutely sure about anything.

971. He struggles with things.

972. He's never certain he's right and sometimes he's not.

973. But he tries hard to be.

974. He struggles with things.

975. God!

976. Will, are you all right?

977. Could somebody help Will put his pants on?

978. I don't think this is gonna work out.

979. - The story? - Yeah.

980. That's Will's call.

981. Excuse me.

982. How's it going there?

983. There's something off with these pants.

984. I think maybe considering everything that's gone on here

985. this week, you should reconsider having Brian write the piece.

986. - Can you handle him being here? - I can handle him being here.

987. - But I think— - I brought him in here to punish you.

988. - I know. - I think I may have also brought him in here

989. - so you could see a side-by-side comparison. - You're an idiot.

990. - Hey, these are really hard pants. - Not the pants.

991. I have cooperated with and been the engine behind

992. an instant dismantling of everything we've built and everything we stand for.

993. I've ignored serious stories so we can get down in the gutter

994. with the Casey Anthony circus and the Anthony Weiner distraction.

995. And I've done it all while Brian's been standing

996. over my shoulder because you put him there.

997. And you pass on the debate because that guy insulted me?

998. Who are you?

999. I don't know where your head is at at any given moment!

1000. I am this close to losing it! I think I have!

1001. I think it's happening right now!

1002. - Settle down. - I will not settle down!

1003. I should, though. I should settle down.

1004. Remember your first day here, the BP spill?

1005. Yeah.

1006. Remember when I said throw out the rundown?

1007. - Yeah. - Did you think that was cool?

1008. Yeah.

1009. Throw out the rundown.

1010. Wait, no.

1011. We still need the numbers. We've got to protect you from Leona.

1012. Yeah, I can't live with a 15-year-old girl being the toughest guy at my desk.

1013. - Are you talking about Lisa? - Yeah.

1014. - She's 26. - They all look 15 to me. Sloan.

1015. - Are you sure about this? - Not at all.

1016. - Yeah? - If I ask you the right questions,

1017. can you talk about the debt ceiling for two segments tonight?

1018. - I don't even need the questions. - Get ready.

1019. Can you handle Brian being here a little while longer?

1020. I can handle anything.

1021. - Jellyfish. - I don't like jellyfish.

1022. - Brian. - Yeah?

1023. Just write the truth, okay? Just write the truth.

1024. We're throwing out the rundown and leading with the debt ceiling.

1025. - You get all that? - Yeah.

1026. Is it working?

1027. No. They're laughing at me.

1028. They think I'm a small-time troll.

1029. - That's got to hurt. - It does.

1030. It's too bad you're not the guy who left the death threat for Will.

1031. That's a dangerous area.

1032. Yeah.

1033. Jim?

1034. Yeah?

1035. Whatever happened with you and Lisa?

1036. Uh, she doesn't want to go out with me.

1037. I gave it a try.

1038. A try?

1039. Yeah.

1040. "Gather ye rosebuds." You know what that means?

1041. It's the first half of the first line of a poem by Robert Herrick.

1042. What's the second half?

1043. "While ye may."

1044. "Gather ye rosebuds while ye may."

1045. I'm gonna.

1046. "Then be not coy but use your time, and while ye may go marry.

1047. For having lost but once your prime, you may forever tarry."

1048. - I won't. - Okay.

1049. - First we have to do the show. - Yeah.

1050. You're 100% sure?

1051. It was a year ago. It was over a year ago.

1052. He was the new guy in the office

1053. and Don and I were in a terrible place.

1054. So I had a stupid crush on him for five minutes.

1055. He was nice to me even though I was mean to him,

1056. so I thought maybe he liked me, too.

1057. But that's just over,

1058. and he's really trying hard with you.

1059. - So if you like him... - Of course I like him.

1060. There's no way to fix the air conditioning.

1061. Your choices are 90 degrees or 30 degrees.

1062. Who's here at midnight?

1063. - Hello? - Hey, it's Jim.

1064. Come on up.

1065. We never got to the God question.

1066. Bachmann said that God told her to run and Maggie wanted Will to ask her

1067. what God's voice sounded like. I think it would have sealed it for us.

1068. If every network said, "We're not playing by your rules.

1069. You're playing by ours," we'd raise the level of debate overnight.

1070. It wasn't as crazy as it sounded.

1071. It was exactly as crazy as it sounded.

1072. Good luck.

1073. - Hi. - Hi.

1074. - I wanted to talk to— - Hey, man.

1075. Hey, Don.

1076. - I did— I didn't know that you'd— - Maggie talked me into it.

1077. I'm sorry?

1078. You don't have to pitch me.

1079. Maggie talked me into it.

1080. - Let's go for a walk. - Listen—

1081. Let's go.

1082. Nice ending, don't you think?

1083. He had a whole speech he didn't get to use.

1084. Don?

1085. Hmm?

1086. What is it?

1087. He said, "I wanted to talk to—"

1088. and then I cut him off.

1089. What are you—

1090. Lisa wasn't the one he came here to see.

1091. I don't—

1092. He signed for the flowers.

1093. What?

1094. I have to explain something.

1095. Congresswoman Bachmann, to you.

1096. Elvis or Johnny Cash?

1097. Oh, that's really tough.

1098. That's really— Both. Both.

1099. - Both? - Yeah, I've got "Christmas With Elvis" on my iPod.

1100. All right, now we know what's on the congresswoman's iPod.

1101. This is Lonny.

1102. - Lonny, it's Neal. - Yeah?

1103. I'm sorry to call you so late, but I need to tell you

1104. about something that's on my computer right now.

1105. I've been working on this story, and without going into too many details...