1. Hey. I thought I saw you sneak in.Copy !req
2. - You look nice.
- Thanks. So do you.Copy !req
3. Oh, yeah. I was at a party at Bloomberg's.Copy !req
4. But you came here to be with
your News Night family at midnight.Copy !req
5. Well, near them, anyway.Copy !req
6. - Can I ask a favor?
- Yeah.Copy !req
7. Can Wade have two minutes with you?
He's got some facts he wants to share.Copy !req
8. Sure.Copy !req
9. - You don't mind?
- No problem.Copy !req
10. Wade?Copy !req
11. - Happy New Year.
- Happy New Year.Copy !req
12. Oh, and Jim's putting together
the packet of stories you asked him to.Copy !req
13. You want to give it
five minutes a night next week?Copy !req
14. Let's look at the stories first.Copy !req
15. Done. I'll leave you guys alone.Copy !req
16. - How have you been?
- I've been good, thanks.Copy !req
17. - And I appreciate you taking a minute.
- What can I do for you?Copy !req
18. You know I'm an assistant US attorney
for the southern district, right?Copy !req
19. Yeah.Copy !req
20. Well, right now,
my job's prosecuting financial crime.Copy !req
21. Well, you know, Wade,
feel free to start any time.Copy !req
22. You've been pretty rough on us.Copy !req
23. Countrywide?
Well, I don't know what to tell you.Copy !req
24. You've got guys flooding the market
with bad mortgages,Copy !req
25. lying to investors, making billions of dollars,Copy !req
26. but most incredibly, discussing it by e-mail.Copy !req
27. I don't mean to insult you, man,
but how do you not get a fraud conviction?Copy !req
28. Right there's what I'm talking about.
This is the half of the story you're leaving out.Copy !req
29. - Are you ready for me to blow your mind?
- Sure.Copy !req
30. - Bigfoot's real.
- No, it's not.Copy !req
31. - Did you say...
- Bigfoot is real.Copy !req
32. - No, it's not.
- Listen to me, skeptismo.Copy !req
33. There are 1.7 million known species
on the planet,Copy !req
34. and biologists estimate this representsCopy !req
35. only a quarter of the total species
on the planet.Copy !req
36. The other three quarters are microscopic.Copy !req
37. - How do you know?
- I don't know.Copy !req
38. But if the other three quarters were bigfoot,
they wouldn't be hard to see.Copy !req
39. They'd be walking up and down the street.Copy !req
40. We're gonna step slowly away now.Copy !req
41. Don't mention this to anyone
unless you know them really well.Copy !req
42. And even then.Copy !req
43. Pandas were thought to be a myth until 1869.Copy !req
44. Gorillas were thought to be a myth until 1902.Copy !req
45. The giant squid was thought to be a myth
until 2004.Copy !req
46. - What's up?
- Maggie, listen to me.Copy !req
47. Apex predators,
species at the top of the food chain,Copy !req
48. have the smallest numbers
and move in the tiniest packs.Copy !req
49. Is this bigfoot?Copy !req
50. Species diversity is greatest
in the rain forests.Copy !req
51. Stop. Just don't even... Stop.Copy !req
52. What are you doing?Copy !req
53. Trying to work.Copy !req
54. Do you see there's a party
happening around you?Copy !req
55. I'm okay.Copy !req
56. Sometimes it's hard to tell
who the biggest nerd in the office is.Copy !req
57. Could there be an apex predator primate...Copy !req
58. Not today, though.Copy !req
59. Kaylee!Copy !req
60. You guys haven't met Kaylee yet.Copy !req
61. Is this a new girlfriend?Copy !req
62. - Girlfriend's a strong word.
- Really?Copy !req
63. - Hey, baby.
- Hey.Copy !req
64. - Get me drunk.
- Done.Copy !req
65. Boom!Copy !req
66. - Come on, join the party.
- I will.Copy !req
67. I just want to finish this for Will.Copy !req
68. What is it?Copy !req
69. Stories we missed this year
or didn't give enough attention to.Copy !req
70. - Want some help?
- Sure.Copy !req
71. Yeah, take this stack here
and anything you think is...Copy !req
72. - Anything we missed.
- Or didn't give enough attention to.Copy !req
73. Bigfoot's real
and I don't think anyone reported it.Copy !req
74. - Hey, Don.
- Circle it.Copy !req
75. You look really nice tonight.Copy !req
76. Yeah?Copy !req
77. God, definite... Yes. Yeah. Definitely.Copy !req
78. Yeah, I don't mean to be...Copy !req
79. Shoot, Don's here.Copy !req
80. - I'm sorry.
- It's no problem. I was almost done.Copy !req
81. Well, don't, you know...
Take a couple hours off.Copy !req
82. I will.Copy !req
83. Will you? 'Cause it's a party.
Have you ever been to one?Copy !req
84. I have been to over three of them.Copy !req
85. Maggie.Copy !req
86. See you later.Copy !req
87. - Oh, man. Look at you.
- You look at me.Copy !req
88. I had to get a crew off the clock.
Did I miss anything?Copy !req
89. Neal won't rest
until he gets Will to do a story on bigfoot.Copy !req
90. - Did bigfoot do something?
- Bigfoot can't do anything. He's not real.Copy !req
91. That's what they said about
the moon landing.Copy !req
92. I believe you've had a cocktail.Copy !req
93. Men have cocktails.
Carrie Bradshaw has drinks.Copy !req
94. - Nope, the other way around.
- Doesn't matter. I'm fun Don tonight.Copy !req
95. I love fun Don.Copy !req
96. - Where have I seen this dress before?
- On Lisa.Copy !req
97. - She let me raid her closet.
- I think you should never take it off.Copy !req
98. Except when you take it off.Copy !req
99. Now, speaking of your roommate,
I had a great idea.Copy !req
100. - Soundproofing her bedroom?
- Fixing her up with Jim.Copy !req
101. Are you kidding?Copy !req
102. I feel like I owe him one.Copy !req
103. Then why would you unleash Lisa on him?Copy !req
104. - They'll get along.
- She works in a boutique.Copy !req
105. - Here she is. Lisa.
- Wait, don't.Copy !req
106. This is the worst fix-up ever.Copy !req
107. I'm not talking about having him take a bride.Copy !req
108. - I'm talking about starting off the new year...
- Getting him laid.Copy !req
109. - With a bang.
- ... with a bang. See what I did?Copy !req
110. Hey.Copy !req
111. - You made it.
- Yeah.Copy !req
112. Am I wearing a huge sign
that says, "Dateless on New Year's Eve"?Copy !req
113. No, but that dress sends a message
loud and clear.Copy !req
114. Do I look slutty?Copy !req
115. - Absolutely. In the best way.
- No. Don!Copy !req
116. I wasn't going for slutty. I was going for...Copy !req
117. - I like Rod Stewart.Copy !req
118. Yeah. So, I've got a guy for you.Copy !req
119. - No, you don't.
- A guy here?Copy !req
120. - Yeah.
- No.Copy !req
121. Is it another loser that doesn't have a date
on New Year's Eve?Copy !req
122. - He's not a loser.
- Yes, he's a huge loser.Copy !req
123. - What the hell is going on?
- What the hell is going on?Copy !req
124. She works in fashion, Don. No offense, Lis.Copy !req
125. I don't even know
what I'm supposed to be offended by.Copy !req
126. But I can talk about other things.
I don't have to talk about fashion.Copy !req
127. - I know you can.
- Give me a topic.Copy !req
128. What's happening with the Greek debt crisis?Copy !req
129. There's a huge crisis in Greece.Copy !req
130. - They're in a lot of debt.
- See?Copy !req
131. - Are you serious?
- That's more than most people know.Copy !req
132. You see the guy over there?Copy !req
133. The cute, sweet-looking puppy dog guy
with the stupid look on his face?Copy !req
134. He is cute.Copy !req
135. - Why is he working?
- He has a job.Copy !req
136. So right there,
he's a leg up on your usual diet.Copy !req
137. His name's Jim Harper.
He's a senior producer.Copy !req
138. He's a bright guy.Copy !req
139. He's not the creative director
for an imaginary Internet start-up.Copy !req
140. He calls his mother...Copy !req
141. I'm sure he's nice,
but I don't think I'm in the mood for a fix-up.Copy !req
142. Why not?Copy !req
143. I don't know,
I'm just coming off a relationship.Copy !req
144. Of 10 days. I've bought milk
before your relationship startedCopy !req
145. that was still good to drink after it ended.Copy !req
146. - I don't think so.
- It's true. I can show you the milk.Copy !req
147. - She doesn't need to be fixed up, honey.
- I didn't say that she needed to be.Copy !req
148. It's 10 minutes before midnight.Copy !req
149. No guy wants to be fixed up
10 minutes before midnight.Copy !req
150. Besides, I'm not his type. I can tell.Copy !req
151. You're everybody's type.
You're the girl next door. Let's go.Copy !req
152. Next door to what?Copy !req
153. - Jimmy Olsen.
- That nickname's really gonna stick, huh?Copy !req
154. It has endured. It's a compliment.
Jimmy Olsen was a go-getter.Copy !req
155. Yeah, but strictly speaking,
he was a photojournalist.Copy !req
156. In fact, when DC Comics first introduced...Copy !req
157. Yeah, shut up.
This is Maggie's roommate, Lisa.Copy !req
158. - Oh, hey. It's nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you, too.Copy !req
159. - I've heard a lot about you.
- I've heard a lot about...Copy !req
160. Not a lot, but Maggie's...
She's mentioned you once, I think.Copy !req
161. Lisa went to Parsons and she works
at a very high-end boutique in the Village.Copy !req
162. Nice.Copy !req
163. So why don't you take Lisa out
onto the terraceCopy !req
164. where you can watch
one million people in Times SquareCopy !req
165. waiting for the world's biggest nonevent?Copy !req
166. Maggie and I are going to get some drinks,
and we'll meet you out there.Copy !req
167. - Jim has to work.
- Not at 11:50 on New Year's Eve.Copy !req
168. Grab some coats.Copy !req
169. - Tess.
- Yeah?Copy !req
170. - Kill me. Kill me now. Do it now.
- Huh?Copy !req
171. Congress cut our investigations
to 20% of what they promised.Copy !req
172. We were supposed to get 165 million.Copy !req
173. But after rolling over to the GOP,
they only gave us 30.Copy !req
174. - How's it going in here?
- Good.Copy !req
175. Wade says the House cut 80% of the
DOJ's budget to fight financial crime.Copy !req
176. He was just telling me.Copy !req
177. For every one of me
the Justice Department can hire,Copy !req
178. the banks can hire 20
and afford to stay in litigation forever.Copy !req
179. You think Big Tobacco throws money
at this shit?Copy !req
180. Meet Goldman, meet Lehman,
meet B of A and meet Countrywide.Copy !req
181. Honey, are you saying the United
States of America is getting out-lawyered?Copy !req
182. Don't call him "honey." It makes me crazy.Copy !req
183. I didn't say that.
It came out of my mouth. Just words.Copy !req
184. Yes, we are getting out-lawyered.Copy !req
185. That is a story we're missing.
Let me talk to Mac a second. All right?Copy !req
186. Great.Copy !req
187. - I'll be outside.
- Great.Copy !req
188. You can't have your boyfriends
lobbying me to go easier on them.Copy !req
189. Hang on, he wasn't lobbying
for you to go easier. He was pitching a story.Copy !req
190. I've got a staff of paid professionals
to do that.Copy !req
191. Mostly by using inside sources like Wade.Copy !req
192. And it's not boyfriends. It's one boyfriend.Copy !req
193. - So he's your boyfriend?
- I guess he is.Copy !req
194. - I mean, that's what you call him?
- I call him "Wade."Copy !req
195. - When you introduce him, do you say...
- Yes!Copy !req
196. How do you introduce the Netflix queue
of crazy divorced womenCopy !req
197. with digitally re-mastered breasts
you spend your nights with?Copy !req
198. - You see anyone with me right now?
- Of course not.Copy !req
199. If you'd asked someone out
on New Year's Eve,Copy !req
200. that would mean
you were in a real relationship.Copy !req
201. Oh, please, tell me more
about real relationships.Copy !req
202. - I'm not keeping myself in jail anymore.
- What does that mean?Copy !req
203. He's my boyfriend. We're serious.
I want a partner.Copy !req
204. That is so romantic. I'd set it to music.Copy !req
205. - Look...
- I'm glad you're letting yourself out of jail.Copy !req
206. - I meant...
- You owe it to yourself.Copy !req
207. Congress defunded the DOJ
on financial crime.Copy !req
208. I thought you'd want to hear that.Copy !req
209. I did.Copy !req
210. Come on out to the party.Copy !req
211. I will.Copy !req
212. All right.Copy !req
213. Fuck it.Copy !req
214. - Nice tux.
- I just came from a different party.Copy !req
215. Was it good?Copy !req
216. Have you ever been
to a good New Year's Eve party?Copy !req
217. No.Copy !req
218. I've never enjoyed myself on December 31st.Copy !req
219. No one ever has.Copy !req
220. I can tell you for me,
there was this one time in 10th grade...Copy !req
221. No, this is my thing I'm talking about now.Copy !req
222. Okay. Why don't you talk to someone?Copy !req
223. I don't need a therapist,
I just don't like New Year's Eve.Copy !req
224. No, I'm saying why don't you go up to
someone here at the party and talk to them?Copy !req
225. - Do people really do that?
- Talk to people?Copy !req
226. - Just walk up to them.
- I've seen it on TV.Copy !req
227. That woman over there,Copy !req
228. she's obviously here alone,
and I'm getting a good feeling about her.Copy !req
229. You have good instincts about these things?
I'm opening up to you. I'm not good at this.Copy !req
230. That's really sweet, Will.
You should let more people...Copy !req
231. Yeah, yeah, yeah, what do I do?Copy !req
232. Walk up to her and introduce yourself.Copy !req
233. - I'm gonna do it.
- You should.Copy !req
234. - I'm gonna go talk to her.
- Talk to her.Copy !req
235. - I'm going.
- Okay, but you're still standing here.Copy !req
236. - Here I go.
- Haven't moved.Copy !req
237. Shut up.Copy !req
238. Hi. Excuse me.Copy !req
239. - Am I in your way?
- No, I just wanted to introduce myself.Copy !req
240. I'm Will McAvoy.Copy !req
241. I know that. I'm Nina Howard.Copy !req
242. I don't know what to do now.Copy !req
243. - Did you come over to talk to me?
- Yes.Copy !req
244. All right.Copy !req
245. How'd you get in here?Copy !req
246. I'm a friend of one of the producers
on ACN Morning.Copy !req
247. - Day side. Uh-oh.
- Oh.Copy !req
248. - Day side and prime time don't get along?
- Jets and the Sharks.Copy !req
249. Well, maybe we could be like Tony and Maria.Copy !req
250. Why is Will talking to Nina Howard?Copy !req
251. - You know who she is?
- She's a gossip columnist for TMI!Copy !req
252. - Oh, he shouldn't be talking to her.
- I know. Why is he?Copy !req
253. - I may have suggested it.
- Why?Copy !req
254. You were here with Wade
and he seemed lonely...Copy !req
255. Excuse me.Copy !req
256. - Hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
257. Hi.Copy !req
258. I'm so sorry. Can I talk to you a moment?Copy !req
259. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
260. She wants to warn you that
I'm a gossip columnist.Copy !req
261. Oh, that's not it. I promise.Copy !req
262. - She's a gossip columnist.
- No, she writes features.Copy !req
263. TMI! had Jennifer Aniston
on the cover this week.Copy !req
264. You know who they had last week?
Jennifer Aniston.Copy !req
265. - You know who they had the week before?
- Are you a subscriber?Copy !req
266. They have it at my nail place.Copy !req
267. - Oh! Do you go to Cuti-cles?
- Yes.Copy !req
268. - Ba-Ling?
- Yes.Copy !req
269. - I'm walking away from this.
- No, Will.Copy !req
270. Yeah, my instincts may have been wrong.Copy !req
271. It's New Year's Eve.
I don't care if she writes for Mein Kampf.Copy !req
272. Really? You're setting up my boyfriend?
Not my boyfriend. Just words.Copy !req
273. - Hi.
- What about your boyfriend?Copy !req
274. Hey, handsome.Copy !req
275. Nice.Copy !req
276. You know,
it's only a few minutes before midnight.Copy !req
277. Yeah, we've got clocks everywhere.Copy !req
278. So, I say you kiss me at midnight,
and we see what happens from there.Copy !req
279. I'm gonna start to walk up to people more.Copy !req
280. I got you a drink.Copy !req
281. - Now you seem lonely and broken to me.
- I do?Copy !req
282. But don't worry, I can fix you.Copy !req
283. Well, if there's one thing a man likes,
it's a woman who tries to fix him.Copy !req
284. What are you working on right now?Copy !req
285. A piece on Brittany Giancarlo.Copy !req
286. - I don't know who that is.
- Brittany Giancarlo?Copy !req
287. She's the young one
on Real Housewives of New Jersey.Copy !req
288. Oh, I've got them all TiVo'd, but I haven't...Copy !req
289. She's a drunk gold diggerCopy !req
290. who's probably cheating
with her yoga instructor.Copy !req
291. - And why are you writing about her?
- I just told you.Copy !req
292. No, I mean, sure, but what did she do?Copy !req
293. Nothing, it's just a takedown piece.Copy !req
294. A what?Copy !req
295. A takedown piece. I'm gonna take her down.Copy !req
296. Why?Copy !req
297. 'Cause that's what you do
in a takedown piece, genius.Copy !req
298. Nine, eight...Copy !req
299. - You actually call it a "takedown piece"?
- Yeah.Copy !req
300. Four, three, two, one!Copy !req
301. Happy New Year!Copy !req
302. - Hang on.
- What?Copy !req
303. You're just setting out to be mean
to somebody?Copy !req
304. - And this was going so well.
- No, it could still go well.Copy !req
305. Not if you're going to give me
a condescending lecture.Copy !req
306. I think we both know
that's what's going to happen.Copy !req
307. Didn't I just spend the last six months
watching you take down the Tea Party?Copy !req
308. Okay, first, thanks for watching.Copy !req
309. Second, I obviously didn't take them down.
They won.Copy !req
310. Third, the fact that they did
is an enormous dangerCopy !req
311. - to A, a great political party...
- Oh, there's subheadings?Copy !req
312. of which I happen to be a member,Copy !req
313. and B, an enormous danger to everyone
who lives in this country.Copy !req
314. - Mmm-hmm. Fourth?
- Fourth...Copy !req
315. These are people
who are asking for our votes.Copy !req
316. You and I do the same thing for a living.Copy !req
317. That's nuts, Nina.Copy !req
318. I try to expose the truth about things
that are of national importance.Copy !req
319. Well, I'm trying to expose the truthCopy !req
320. about the fact that Brittany might have
had a daughter when she was a teenager,Copy !req
321. who's now 10 possibly
and being taken care of by her mother.Copy !req
322. Why is that the concern of anyone
except for Brittany?Copy !req
323. It's not a concern. It's entertainment.Copy !req
324. Okay, well, here's the thing,
though, it shouldn't be.Copy !req
325. - Is that right?
- Of course it's right.Copy !req
326. You know it's right.
You know right from wrong.Copy !req
327. Everybody said you were like this.Copy !req
328. No, no, look. You can be part of the change.Copy !req
329. You don't have to write gossip.Copy !req
330. I work for a gossip magazine.Copy !req
331. Are we gonna go back to flirting,
or are you gonna keep putting me down?Copy !req
332. I'm not putting you down.Copy !req
333. I'm just saying that what you do
is a really bad form of pollutionCopy !req
334. that makes us dumber and meaner
and is destroying civilization.Copy !req
335. I'm saying, with all possible respect,Copy !req
336. that I would have more respect for you
if you were a heroin dealer.Copy !req
337. And I'm speaking professionally,
not personally.Copy !req
338. Okay, Will.Copy !req
339. I'm speaking personally when I say fuck you.
And you just passed up a sure thing.Copy !req
340. - Come on, hear me out.
- Don't touch me.Copy !req
341. The real lives of people
shouldn't be used as entertainment.Copy !req
342. - You can turn this thing around.
- I'm not interested.Copy !req
343. - What do you think he's doing?
- Trying to civilize her.Copy !req
344. That's not gonna work out well.Copy !req
345. Hang on, looks like it's coming any second.Copy !req
346. that you're on right now.Copy !req
347. There it is.Copy !req
348. - Will.
- Yeah?Copy !req
349. I just wanted to introduce my friend, Kaylee.Copy !req
350. - I'm a huge fan.
- Thank you.Copy !req
351. I hate to bother you,
but do you have a second?Copy !req
352. I've got all the time in the world, Neal.Copy !req
353. All right, um, bigfoot is real.Copy !req
354. - Let me start...
- Get the hell away from me.Copy !req
355. - No problem. Sorry. Come on.
- Okay.Copy !req
356. - Yeah?
- Have you read the New York Post?Copy !req
357. No, my eyes are connected to my brain.Copy !req
358. I'm not sure about that.Copy !req
359. Let's open to Page Six,
which for some reason is on page 10,Copy !req
360. and see what we find.Copy !req
361. The headline, "Anchor Rancor."Copy !req
362. - Anchor anchor?
- Anchor Rancor.Copy !req
363. - Anchor anchor.
- Rancor.Copy !req
364. Anchor Rancor.Copy !req
365. Subheader,
"Will McAvoy gropes in the New Year."Copy !req
366. What?Copy !req
367. "ACN's newly minted liberal bloviatorCopy !req
368. "made a scene at
a private New Year's Eve partyCopy !req
369. "at which our spies caught
the reengineered lefty firebrandCopy !req
370. "making a drunken pass
at TMI! reporter Nina Howard."Copy !req
371. Whoa, Nelly!Copy !req
372. "But the Tea Party foe got a face full of bubbly
instead of what he was looking for.Copy !req
373. "McAvoy was wearing
a $4,000 custom-made tuxedoCopy !req
374. "and a dumb look on his face."Copy !req
375. There are a couple of factual errors
in that story.Copy !req
376. Please let there be more than a couple.Copy !req
377. First of all, I'm a registered Republican.Copy !req
378. I only seem liberal because I believeCopy !req
379. that hurricanes are caused
by high barometric pressureCopy !req
380. and not gay marriage.Copy !req
381. Second, I wasn't making a pass at her.Copy !req
382. I was rejecting a pass from herCopy !req
383. while trying to talk her out of doing what
they call at TMI! a takedown pieceCopy !req
384. of one of the
Desperate Housewives of New Jersey.Copy !req
385. - Real Housewives.
- Who gives a shit?Copy !req
386. - Definitely not me.
- And the tuxedo's off the rack.Copy !req
387. - Did you grope her?
- No! I...Copy !req
388. I gently touched her to block her
as she was coming in for a kiss.Copy !req
389. I blocked her.Copy !req
390. I was the victim of
an unwanted sexual advance.Copy !req
391. But more important,
I was fighting the good fight.Copy !req
392. Why were you fighting any fight?Copy !req
393. I was trying to get her to not write
the takedown piece.Copy !req
394. - Why?
- Why?Copy !req
395. - Yeah.
- I'll tell you why.Copy !req
396. Because I'm on a mission to civilize.Copy !req
397. - How's it going so far?
- Progress is slow,Copy !req
398. but I'm in it for the long haul.Copy !req
399. You want Publicity to draft a statement?Copy !req
400. - About the mission?
- The Page Six piece.Copy !req
401. - Absolutely not.
- Good.Copy !req
402. - What did you call me up here for?
- Mostly to laugh at you.Copy !req
403. But I also wanted to share an observation.Copy !req
404. - Go.
- You're dating.Copy !req
405. I am. I've decided to live my life as if I'm alive.Copy !req
406. I am all for it.Copy !req
407. But I've noticed that the women you date
all have one thing in common.Copy !req
408. I am a leg man.Copy !req
409. No, these are all women who,
in a million years,Copy !req
410. you would not want to spend
any daylight hours with.Copy !req
411. What do you make of that?Copy !req
412. You're asking out the wrong women.Copy !req
413. - I'm not an elitist.
- Be one.Copy !req
414. No comment on this shit, Charlie.
I'm not kidding.Copy !req
415. And I'd also like to know who at my party
was tipping Page Six.Copy !req
416. - I'll launch a full-scale investigation.
- Thank you.Copy !req
417. How much was the tux?Copy !req
418. It was... It was like... It was 4,000 bucks.Copy !req
419. Now!Copy !req
420. What's happening now?Copy !req
421. In this order, Tess, Tamara, Gary,Copy !req
422. Maggie, Kendra, Martin, Neal and Jim
thought it would be funny.Copy !req
423. - And you?
- Peer pressure.Copy !req
424. I didn't grope anybody.Copy !req
425. I was holding her at bay while I clarified...
It doesn't matter.Copy !req
426. I'm on a mission to civilize. I'm Don Quixote.Copy !req
427. I'm Don Quixote.Copy !req
428. Have you even read Don Quixote?Copy !req
429. - In the original French.
- It was written in Spanish.Copy !req
430. Not my copy. I could have read it in Spanish?Copy !req
431. You could have read it in English.Copy !req
432. Well, there's a year and a half of my life
I'm not getting back.Copy !req
433. Sit down. All right.Copy !req
434. Jim was working all New Year's Eve
on stories we either missedCopy !req
435. or didn't pay enough attention to in 2010.Copy !req
436. Not all New Year's Eve.
He found some time to take a little break.Copy !req
437. - Pardon?
- Nothing.Copy !req
438. We'll do five minutes a night
every night this week.Copy !req
439. I've boiled them down to these and, Will,
you can boil them down to what you want.Copy !req
440. I'm out there on the front lines
fighting for civility.Copy !req
441. You picked her up at a party.Copy !req
442. I didn't pick her up. I walked up...Copy !req
443. And can I say in my defense,
did you see her legs?Copy !req
444. All right, that'll do.Copy !req
445. First up, the Chilean miners.Copy !req
446. We stuck with the Christine O'Donnell debate
in DelawareCopy !req
447. instead of cutting away to the rescue.Copy !req
448. I'll let everyone know
that they came out all right.Copy !req
449. You're the one who wanted these.Copy !req
450. - Next?
- Next.Copy !req
451. I wouldn't mind following up
on the bribery chargesCopy !req
452. - Nigeria filed against Cheney.
- Next.Copy !req
453. Conflict of interest with Virginia Thomas
and the voicemail message...Copy !req
454. - Next.
- Tess?Copy !req
455. - Now I'm frightened to say it.
- Say it.Copy !req
456. May 27, the iPad was released.
Lines went around the block...Copy !req
457. - Get the hell out of the meeting.
- Yeah.Copy !req
458. - Sit down.
- Where are the real ones? The lies. Lies.Copy !req
459. Why doesn't the news ever call a lie a lie,
but we know it's a lie?Copy !req
460. Jim, Maggie.Copy !req
461. It was during the week of the midterms,
so we were doing other things,Copy !req
462. but the idea that Obama spent
$200 million a day on a trip to IndiaCopy !req
463. is still in the water supply.Copy !req
464. - We could deconstruct how that happened.
- Sold. What else?Copy !req
465. - Guns.
- What about them?Copy !req
466. Everyone from Wayne LaPierre to Glenn BeckCopy !req
467. is shouting that Obama is coming
to get our gunsCopy !req
468. when there's no evidence to suggestCopy !req
469. that Obama's the least bit interested
in our guns.Copy !req
470. Show me the lack of evidence and I'm in.Copy !req
471. - Anything else?
- Yes.Copy !req
472. I don't know how else to say this.Copy !req
473. - Bigfoot is...
- Great.Copy !req
474. Not because they don't want
to limit your rights,Copy !req
475. but because they're afraid
of the political consequences.Copy !req
476. Coming back to you, Will.Copy !req
477. Don't doubt for a minuteCopy !req
478. that if they thought they could
get away with it,Copy !req
479. they would ban guns and ban ammunition.Copy !req
480. Stand by, 177.Copy !req
481. That was former governor Sarah PalinCopy !req
482. speaking to the National Rifle Association
last year.Copy !req
483. Here's Fox News host Glenn Beck
on the same subject.Copy !req
484. Go, 177.Copy !req
485. He will slowly but surelyCopy !req
486. - take away your gun.
- Stand by, 178.Copy !req
487. And here's NRA executive vice president
Wayne LaPierre speaking at CPAC,Copy !req
488. - the Conservative Political Action Conference.
- Go, 178.Copy !req
489. But it's a big, fat, stinking lie.Copy !req
490. Just like all the other lies that have come out
of this corrupt administration.Copy !req
491. It's all part...Copy !req
492. Would you put this guy on a list
of the top 10 craziest people in politics?Copy !req
493. That's a tough list to crack.Copy !req
494. Yeah, I know this looks like
a big, juicy rib-eye to you,Copy !req
495. but show some restraint now
and let the facts speak for themselves.Copy !req
496. - Any other tips?
- Try not to get distracted by his legs.Copy !req
497. - Here we go.
- That's their agenda.Copy !req
498. And radio host Rush LimbaughCopy !req
499. has repeatedly warned to his listeners
to go out and buy gunsCopy !req
500. before President Obama outlaws them all.
The result?Copy !req
501. In November 2008,
the month Mr. Obama was elected,Copy !req
502. there was a 42% spike
in gun background checksCopy !req
503. as compared to the same month
the year before.Copy !req
504. - Stand by, G-17 through 22.
- The country's largest anti-gun lobbyCopy !req
505. is called the "Brady Campaign
to Prevent Gun Violence, "Copy !req
506. named for James Brady,
President Reagan's press secretaryCopy !req
507. who was shot in the headCopy !req
508. during John Hinckley's assassination attempt
on the 40th president.Copy !req
509. The Brady Organization gives grades
to elected officialsCopy !req
510. based on their record and
leadership with regard to gun legislation,Copy !req
511. with an A being the most anti-gun and so on.Copy !req
512. In spite of Governor Palin, Glenn Beck,
Rush LimbaughCopy !req
513. and the Director of the NRA
telling us emphaticallyCopy !req
514. that Barack Obama has a secret plan
to get our guns,Copy !req
515. here's the president's report card.Copy !req
516. Background checks? F. Gun trafficking? F.Copy !req
517. Guns in public? F.
Federal assault weapons ban? F.Copy !req
518. Standing up to the gun lobby? F.Copy !req
519. Not only has no attempt
whatsoever been madeCopy !req
520. to dismantle the Second AmendmentCopy !req
521. during Barack Obama's
first two years in office,Copy !req
522. the President has signed into lawCopy !req
523. more repeals of federal gun policies
than George W. Bush didCopy !req
524. during his entire eight years
in the White House.Copy !req
525. In fact, these grades would indicate
that President ObamaCopy !req
526. is the best friend the NRA
has ever had in elected office,Copy !req
527. to say nothing of the Oval Office.Copy !req
528. Why are Sarah Palin,
Glenn Beck, Rush LimbaughCopy !req
529. and the head of the NRA
so colossally lying to you?Copy !req
530. I don't know.Copy !req
531. But I know when they do, ratings go up,
political contributions go up,Copy !req
532. membership in the NRA goes up,
the President's approval rating goes downCopy !req
533. and gun sales go through the freaking roof.Copy !req
534. - We'll be right back.
- Cue music.Copy !req
535. You'll need to get used to dating a guy
who gets off work at 9:00.Copy !req
536. Hey, not dating. One date.Copy !req
537. - No, stop it.
- Maggie, I'm not...Copy !req
538. - It's fine.
- It's not in the vicinity of fine.Copy !req
539. Listen to me. This is crazy.Copy !req
540. - I agree.
- Nope, keep listening.Copy !req
541. I have a boyfriend who I love,Copy !req
542. and I should have fixed you up with Jim
a long time ago.Copy !req
543. - Even if that were true...
- It is true.Copy !req
544. - Even if it was... Even if...
- It is. It...Copy !req
545. - Let me talk!
- Sorry.Copy !req
546. - He's...
- But it is.Copy !req
547. He's gonna think I'm dumb.Copy !req
548. No, he's not. Who told you that?Copy !req
549. No, he's not. Lis, you're not dumb.Copy !req
550. - Look at me. You're not dumb.Copy !req
551. You go out with guys
who make you feel dumb.Copy !req
552. And Jim's not like that.Copy !req
553. That's one of the things that makes him...Copy !req
554. Trust me.Copy !req
555. I've never been on a date with him,
but I imagine...Copy !req
556. You imagine what and how often?Copy !req
557. That it would be fun is all I was gonna say.Copy !req
558. You're not dumb.Copy !req
559. I'm just nervous.Copy !req
560. I know. Your skirt's on backwards.Copy !req
561. Damn it. And this is my field of expertise.Copy !req
562. Yeah.Copy !req
563. Oh! Oh, my God. I'm freezing.Copy !req
564. I've got a real fireplace with real fire.Copy !req
565. You do? Well, what about
some dry clothes I can change into?Copy !req
566. Take whatever you want in the bedroom.
It's right around the corner.Copy !req
567. Not the yellow taffeta sundress.Copy !req
568. This is your fault.Copy !req
569. I'm not the one who said,
"Let's walk off dinner."Copy !req
570. I had to walk off dinner
because you made me orderCopy !req
571. the $135 macaroni and cheese.Copy !req
572. I really wanted to see what
a $135 macaroni and cheese looked like.Copy !req
573. - This is a fun date.
- It is.Copy !req
574. And it's the same as
Stouffer's macaroni and cheeseCopy !req
575. with $134 worth of shaved truffles on top.Copy !req
576. Sloan said you were fun.
Hey, do you like to get high?Copy !req
577. I used to, but I can't buy pot anymore
without it showing up in a newspaper.Copy !req
578. There's a joint in the side pocket of my purse.Copy !req
579. Get it out.Copy !req
580. All right.Copy !req
581. - Carrie?
- Yeah?Copy !req
582. Can we talk about the gun
that's in your purse?Copy !req
583. I'm a southern liberal, dude.Copy !req
584. It's northern liberals
who are afraid of sex and guns.Copy !req
585. Well, both at the same time,
and I'm a Republican from Nebraska.Copy !req
586. But you mind if I...Copy !req
587. You're disarming. Get it?Copy !req
588. - Here's the thing...
- Yeah, yeah, I saw the show tonight.Copy !req
589. I'm a liberal's liberal. I worked for Hillary.
You were dead wrong on guns.Copy !req
590. I didn't take a position on guns.
I took a position on lying.Copy !req
591. I came out against it.Copy !req
592. Well, if I'm walking
the streets of Manhattan at nightCopy !req
593. and a guy your size wants to rape me,
then this is gonna happen.Copy !req
594. Actually, statistics show
that this is gonna happen.Copy !req
595. Is it wrong that I'm turned on by that?Copy !req
596. Yes.Copy !req
597. - What'd you think of her?
- Yeah, what'd you think of her, Will?Copy !req
598. - She was packing heat.
- Didn't I tell you?Copy !req
599. No, Sloan, she was armed.Copy !req
600. Waverly Inn to my apartment
with a loaded.38 caliber Walther PPK/S.Copy !req
601. - Are you going out with her again?
- No.Copy !req
602. - Oh, you have to.
- No, I don't think so.Copy !req
603. Thirty seconds. Get your mics on.Copy !req
604. No, she's gonna call me and call me
asking why you're not calling her.Copy !req
605. That would happen
after a second date, too, wouldn't it?Copy !req
606. Listen, just wait a while before you show up
again in Page Six with a different woman.Copy !req
607. She's super jealous.
You haven't seen the crazy side of her.Copy !req
608. You set me up with a crazy woman
who can shoot me.Copy !req
609. Fatal Attraction with a concealed carry permit.Copy !req
610. - I'm tagging you back.
- That's totally fair.Copy !req
611. You're supposed to be the smartest person
on the staff.Copy !req
612. You have two PhDs.Copy !req
613. In economics.
This is an area where I do not excel.Copy !req
614. Oh, thanks for the heads up.Copy !req
615. In three, two...Copy !req
616. Terry Smith is coming up next
in Washington with The Capitol Report.Copy !req
617. I'm Will McAvoy. Good night.Copy !req
618. Good show, everybody.Copy !req
619. Good show.Copy !req
620. Yeah, I don't know.Copy !req
621. The economy,
we're still nibbling around the edges.Copy !req
622. We can't get it all done in one night.Copy !req
623. They're gonna rip Dodd-Frank limb from limb.Copy !req
624. I don't know how many more nights
we have left.Copy !req
625. Hey, speaking... Speaking of nights,Copy !req
626. I never asked...
I forgot to ask you how your date went.Copy !req
627. It went fine.Copy !req
628. Do you think you'll be seeing her again?Copy !req
629. - I don't think so.
- Why?Copy !req
630. Just one of those things.Copy !req
631. Not a love connection?Copy !req
632. Broccoli, and
combine cauliflower and string beans.Copy !req
633. - So, elephant in the room.
- Yeah.Copy !req
634. When I told my friend
I was going out with you tonight,Copy !req
635. she sent me Monday's Page Six.Copy !req
636. Okay, I met a woman named Nina Howard
at our New Year's Eve party.Copy !req
637. It turned out she writes for TMI!Copy !req
638. I asked her what she was working on,Copy !req
639. and she told me she was doing
what she called a takedown story.Copy !req
640. I'm on a mission to civilize, so I tried to
talk her out of it and she didn't take it well.Copy !req
641. - A mission to civilize?
- I walk a lonely road.Copy !req
642. What was the story she was doing?Copy !req
643. Um...Copy !req
644. Brittany DiFranklengonio
from the New Jersey... The Real Naked...Copy !req
645. - Wait, Brittany Giancarlo?
- That sounds right.Copy !req
646. She has a 10-year-old daughter
that she allegedly gave to her mother...Copy !req
647. Shut up.Copy !req
648. And they actually call it a takedown piece.Copy !req
649. That is so typically Brittany.Copy !req
650. Yeah, it is.Copy !req
651. She had a kid she gave up?Copy !req
652. I have no idea.
I don't even know if the kid is real.Copy !req
653. - What I'm talking about...
- I knew she was a liarCopy !req
654. when she didn't invite Wendy
to her game night.Copy !req
655. When she got busted,
she made everyone lie to cover her ass.Copy !req
656. - What kind of person does that?
- I don't know.Copy !req
657. Oh, and she's having an affair
with her yoga instructor.Copy !req
658. - My therapist told me that.
- Your therapist really...Copy !req
659. She knows I can keep a secret.Copy !req
660. She's an awesome judge of character.Copy !req
661. - Brittany?
- Your therapist.Copy !req
662. - 'Cause Brittany's a bitch.
- No, you are.Copy !req
663. Okay, let's hold it right there
and review the situation,Copy !req
664. because when I said "you,"
what I meant was "we."Copy !req
665. I meant I'm not concerned about Brittany.
She signed up for this.Copy !req
666. I'm concerned about the rest of usCopy !req
667. who are being turned into a bunch of
old ladies with hair dryers on our heads,Copy !req
668. gorging ourselves on the staged...Copy !req
669. It's just... God, it's so plainly bad, Monica.Copy !req
670. It's called a guilty pleasure.Copy !req
671. The chocolate soufflé on this menu
is a guilty pleasure.Copy !req
672. The Archies singing Sugar, Sugar
is a guilty pleasure.Copy !req
673. Human cockfighting makes us mean
and desensitizes...Copy !req
674. Wait, are you saying that
I'm mean and insensitive?Copy !req
675. You are a smart, accomplished woman.Copy !req
676. - You work for a US senator.
- Am I mean and insensitive?Copy !req
677. Yes, but thank goodness you met me in time.
Because now...Copy !req
678. I can't believe how often this is happening.Copy !req
679. He said he wasn't that into her.
Why are you so eager to make this happen?Copy !req
680. When did you get interested in Jim's life?
Or Lisa's life?Copy !req
681. I just asked how did the date go.Copy !req
682. But I'll tell you what's strange.Copy !req
683. - What?
- Jim's lying to you.Copy !req
684. About what?Copy !req
685. Lisa told me
they were going out again tonight.Copy !req
686. That's Lisa saying she's hoping
they go out again tonight.Copy !req
687. - Ah, I misunderstood.
- Yeah.Copy !req
688. Why would Jim lie about that?Copy !req
689. It's funny, I was wondering the same thing.
Why don't you give him a call?Copy !req
690. I'm not gonna call and check up on him.Copy !req
691. Then call him and tell him to look on Politico,Copy !req
692. 'cause I'm reading that Spencer Bachus
told his hometown newspaper todayCopy !req
693. - that Washington is there to serve the banks.
- Seriously?Copy !req
694. - Spencer Bachus is...
- I know. Is that a quote?Copy !req
695. "Washington is here to serve the banks."Copy !req
696. I actually do have to call Jim.
It's an economic story.Copy !req
697. That's what I'm saying.Copy !req
698. Can I see that?Copy !req
699. - Hello.
- Jim, it's me.Copy !req
700. - Yeah?
- Did I wake you up?Copy !req
701. No. Is everything all right?Copy !req
702. Go to Politico. The new Chairman of
the House Financial Services CommitteeCopy !req
703. told his hometown newspaper that
Washington is here to serve the banks.Copy !req
704. - Bachus?
- Yeah. Go to Politico and click on...Copy !req
705. - Jim?
- Yeah?Copy !req
706. You know, I'll talk to you in the morning.Copy !req
707. Something wrong?Copy !req
708. She should really change her ringtone.Copy !req
709. I can't believe what you just did.Copy !req
710. There is no way I'm the bad guy
in what just happened.Copy !req
711. At worst, I'm in fourth place.Copy !req
712. Have I done something wrong?Copy !req
713. No.Copy !req
714. Good.Copy !req
715. - "Serial Sleaze."
- I can explain this one.Copy !req
716. "Will McAvoy is making more news
when he's not behind his desk.Copy !req
717. "For the second time in a week,Copy !req
718. "the ACN anchor was humiliated by
a drink to the face from an unhappy dateCopy !req
719. - "when the newly-come-liberal bachelor..."
- Registered Republican.Copy !req
720. "... stepped out with a bodacious blonde
for a late supper at the Mercer Kitchen.Copy !req
721. "The formerly vanilla host
of Atlantis Cable's flagship program,Copy !req
722. "who many believe has become ungluedCopy !req
723. "since an appearance at the
Northwestern School of Journalism last April,Copy !req
724. "seems to like the ladies.Copy !req
725. "Unfortunately for McAvoy,
the ladies don't seem to like him back.Copy !req
726. "The kicker? Our spies tell us that McAvoy,Copy !req
727. "who's reported to earn
a mid-seven figure salary,Copy !req
728. "stiffed the waiter on his tip."Copy !req
729. Are you kidding? We didn't get past drinks.Copy !req
730. I threw $100 on the table.Copy !req
731. How much is a vodka martini
and a pomegranate cosmo?Copy !req
732. Please tell me it was you
who ordered the martini.Copy !req
733. Of course I was the one who... Yes.Copy !req
734. Look, she asked me about New Year's Eve,
I told her.Copy !req
735. And it turns out that she, too, really seems
to care about the life of Bethany...Copy !req
736. - Brittany.
- ... DiLaguardiosa.Copy !req
737. - No.
- How does it get in the paper so fast?Copy !req
738. God, these guys are good.Copy !req
739. Well, now we're putting out a statement.Copy !req
740. - No.
- Not from you.Copy !req
741. - From your spokesperson.
- Not from any person.Copy !req
742. Mr. McAvoy has been the victim of
a comical series of misunderstandings.Copy !req
743. No way.
However, I want to depose every waiter,Copy !req
744. bartender, doorman and valet
to whom I have ever given a tip.Copy !req
745. That might be unrealistic.Copy !req
746. I am beloved in the service industries.Copy !req
747. Hey, I've been meaning to ask you,
how's the dating going?Copy !req
748. You know what?Copy !req
749. How many women did you date
before you finally found the one?Copy !req
750. Doesn't matter how many I dated before.
I didn't date anyone after.Copy !req
751. It probably helped that
she didn't pull your heart out,Copy !req
752. throw it into an oven
preheated to 450 degrees,Copy !req
753. bake it in a light honey glaze
and serve it to you on a bed of rice.Copy !req
754. That's vivid, but you don't hold onto things.Copy !req
755. Why is it taking you so long to...Copy !req
756. Because it is.
It doesn't work like in the movies.Copy !req
757. It doesn't work at all.Copy !req
758. - How sure are you about that?
- Please.Copy !req
759. On the off chance that
you're not going to live forever,Copy !req
760. why not take a shot at being happy now?Copy !req
761. Can I go do the news?Copy !req
762. Yes.Copy !req
763. - Hey, stupid.
- Yeah?Copy !req
764. - What'd I say?
- When?Copy !req
765. I said don't show up in Page Six
with another date.Copy !req
766. - You think I phoned this in?
- Carrie is freaking out.Copy !req
767. - Who's Carrie?
- Two nights ago!Copy !req
768. Oh, God. What did she say?Copy !req
769. That you're a womanizing asshole,
and she hates you.Copy !req
770. I wasn't womanizing. I was dating.Copy !req
771. Well, William, she has a gun,
and she's going to shoot you.Copy !req
772. She's going to have to shoot you first, Sloan,Copy !req
773. because I'm going to use you
as a human shield,Copy !req
774. because you set me up with Annie Oakley.Copy !req
775. - You mean Ado Annie?
- I mean Annie Oakley.Copy !req
776. Annie Get Your Gun. Ado Annie's Oklahoma!Copy !req
777. - "I'm just a girl who can't say no."
- I can't help you anymore.Copy !req
778. Damn, 'cause your help's been invaluable
up till now.Copy !req
779. Hey!Copy !req
780. - Are you sure about Annie Get Your Gun?
- Yes.Copy !req
781. Back in 15 seconds, Will.Copy !req
782. Try not to date anyone
before you're on the air.Copy !req
783. Copy, Mac. Try not to sleep
with your ex-boyfriend while I am.Copy !req
784. In three...Copy !req
785. He got the better of that exchange.Copy !req
786. Mark Twain said
"A lie'll get halfway around the worldCopy !req
787. "before the truth has time
to pull its boots on."Copy !req
788. That was literally the case in this story
we didn't pay enough attention to in 2010.Copy !req
789. President Obama was scheduled
to travel to MumbaiCopy !req
790. to meet with the Indian Prime Minister
about loosening US trade restrictions,Copy !req
791. a successful trip that would net our country
$10 billion in export deals and 50,000 jobs.Copy !req
792. And these overseas trips routinely cost
in the area of $5 million a day.Copy !req
793. - Hey.
- Hey.Copy !req
794. But on November 2nd of last year,
the website for New Delhi TVCopy !req
795. quoted an anonymous official
of the Maharashtra GovernmentCopy !req
796. saying that President Obama's trip
would be costing $200 million a day.Copy !req
797. The Drudge Report posts a link to the story,Copy !req
798. either believing it to be possible
or not caring that it isn't.Copy !req
799. Rush Limbaugh knows this figure
can't possibly be right.Copy !req
800. But Mr. Limbaugh runs with it anyway.Copy !req
801. 507 rooms at the Taj Mahal,
four... Forty airplanes,Copy !req
802. $200 million a dayCopy !req
803. this nation will spend
on Obama's trip to India.Copy !req
804. In spite of there being no source
for this information,Copy !req
805. to say nothing of the absurdity of the figure,Copy !req
806. - Fox News grabs the baton.
- Ready, SOT one.Copy !req
807. So he's traveling with 34 warships,
an entourage...Copy !req
808. Oh, yeah, and he added 34 warships,
or 14% of the US Navy.Copy !req
809. So he's traveling with 34 warships,
an entourage of 3,000 people...Copy !req
810. Nope.Copy !req
811. He's staying at the Taj Mahal Hotel,Copy !req
812. which they have booked every single room in.Copy !req
813. And he's doing it, $2 billion for 10 days. Why?Copy !req
814. So on November 3rd, Matt Lehrich of
the Office of White House Media Affairs says,Copy !req
815. "The numbers reported in this article
have no basis in reality."Copy !req
816. Congresswoman Michele Bachmann,
founder of the Tea Party Caucus,Copy !req
817. who herself has a difficult relationship
with reality,Copy !req
818. ignores the statement from the White House.Copy !req
819. I think we know that just within a day or so,Copy !req
820. the President of the United States
will be taking a trip over to IndiaCopy !req
821. that is expected to cost the taxpayers
$200 million a day.Copy !req
822. I think people who willfully, purposefully
and gleefully lie to the American peopleCopy !req
823. in order to damage someone's reputation
should, like a registered sex offender,Copy !req
824. be required by law to come with
that warning label for the rest of their lives.Copy !req
825. - Hello?
- Will, it's Charlie.Copy !req
826. I'm sorry to call early on a Saturday.Copy !req
827. - What happened?
- Can you come into the office at 11:00?Copy !req
828. - Yeah. What's going on?
- I'll see you at 11:00.Copy !req
829. Welcome back to Red Carpet RoundupCopy !req
830. where we continue our review
of last night's fashion winnersCopy !req
831. and losers at the People's Choice Awards.Copy !req
832. We'll throw it back to our studio in HollywoodCopy !req
833. and Paulita Maya and her team
of fashion experts.Copy !req
834. Paulita?Copy !req
835. And we're clear.Copy !req
836. He's here.Copy !req
837. Against all instincts
of what sanity sounds like,Copy !req
838. I'm here at 11:00 on a Saturday.Copy !req
839. - You won't regret it.
- Too late.Copy !req
840. Thank you all for coming. Let me begin.Copy !req
841. There are 1.7 million known species.Copy !req
842. Biologists estimate this represents only
a quarter of the total species on the planet.Copy !req
843. Species diversity is greatest in rain forests,
and 75% of all species live in rain forests.Copy !req
844. So the argument is,
could there be an apex predator primate,Copy !req
845. a missing link, if you will,
between six and 10 feet tall,Copy !req
846. weighing up to 500 pounds that lives
in a dense temperate rain forest?Copy !req
847. - Jim?
- No. Is that it?Copy !req
848. Careful. Sometimes when Jim says no,
what he really means is,Copy !req
849. "I'm sleeping with your roommate."Copy !req
850. What's going on?Copy !req
851. I didn't know you were coming.Copy !req
852. - I was told to come.
- Really?Copy !req
853. Charlie called me at 7:00 this morning.Copy !req
854. I wonder how that happened.Copy !req
855. Was I called in on a Saturday for bigfoot?Copy !req
856. I think you're gonna find this interesting.Copy !req
857. I think you don't know what that word means.Copy !req
858. - What are you doing?
- You told me to come in.Copy !req
859. Not for this. What is this?Copy !req
860. I'm glad you asked, Charlie. Bigfoot is...Copy !req
861. Ah. Follow me.Copy !req
862. - I called you in for this.
- Oh, shit.Copy !req
863. We need a whole team for this?Copy !req
864. Don's a good advisor on damage control.Copy !req
865. - When's it come out?
- It's out. This is it.Copy !req
866. You keep guns in your house?Copy !req
867. Yeah, a vast collection.Copy !req
868. Sometimes to relax,
I go to the park and shoot dogs.Copy !req
869. - I'm just asking.
- She had the gun.Copy !req
870. Some crazy fucking friend of Sloan's.
I took out the bullets.Copy !req
871. The highest incidence
of bigfoot sightingsCopy !req
872. have all come from
the temperate rain forest regionCopy !req
873. that stretches from
Northern California to Alaska.Copy !req
874. Here we find local myths
like the Sasquatch and Ts'emekwes.Copy !req
875. Here we find local myths
like Jim not being a liar.Copy !req
876. Come with me, please.Copy !req
877. - I'm learning things.
- Now, please.Copy !req
878. First of all, you can't talk to me like that
in front of the staff.Copy !req
879. Oh, listen to Mr...Copy !req
880. - Mike.
- Yeah?Copy !req
881. You got the rest of the afternoon off.Copy !req
882. Maggie's taking your shift
on the assignment desk.Copy !req
883. - You sure?
- Go home.Copy !req
884. - Nice to throw your weight around?
- Yeah.Copy !req
885. Sit your ass at that desk until 4:00.
That's number one.Copy !req
886. Number two, I'm sorry that I lied to you.
I didn't want you to be upset.Copy !req
887. - Why did you think I'd be upset?
- Because you are!Copy !req
888. Not because you slept with Lisa,
because you lied about it!Copy !req
889. Excuse me! This isn't soundproof glass!Copy !req
890. It is because I slept with Lisa.Copy !req
891. You've never lied to me in all the time
we've been working together.Copy !req
892. Is that not a little bit...Copy !req
893. A little bit a good feeling?Copy !req
894. That it feels weird that I lied to you?Copy !req
895. And isn't it a little bit a good feeling
that my instinct was to lie?Copy !req
896. I have no idea what you're talking about.Copy !req
897. It was Don's idea to fix me up with Lisa, right?Copy !req
898. Yes.Copy !req
899. And Don was the one who called Lisa
when she was at my place?Copy !req
900. - Yes.
- Then I'd ask Don.Copy !req
901. 'Cause he has every idea
what I'm talking about.Copy !req
902. I'm sorry I lied. It won't happen again.Copy !req
903. Did you know she was married?Copy !req
904. She's been separated for over a year.Copy !req
905. - Did you smoke pot with her?
- Yes.Copy !req
906. Did you level a.32 caliber gun at her head?Copy !req
907. I was demonstrating... Fuck this.Copy !req
908. You'd just done a gun rant that night.Copy !req
909. Is that what it was, Mac? It was a rant?Copy !req
910. Does she have
a text message from you?Copy !req
911. Listen to me. She got jealous 'cause she readCopy !req
912. that I went out with someone else
the next night.Copy !req
913. Then she went to Nina Howard at TMI!
who was just waiting for a chance...Copy !req
914. I knocked Jennifer Aniston off the cover?Copy !req
915. This isn't funny, Will.
We're trying to do something here.Copy !req
916. All of us.Copy !req
917. There are guys in here on a Saturday doing...
What the hell are they doing?Copy !req
918. They're learning about bigfoot.Copy !req
919. Which, by the way,
is what used to be in the tabloids.Copy !req
920. Bigfoot and Elvis sightings
have been replaced...Copy !req
921. Whatever.Copy !req
922. We signed up with you and
no one's going to hear a word we're saying.Copy !req
923. - Tell me what I did wrong.
- How about drugs?Copy !req
924. I took a hit of a joint in my own home.Copy !req
925. - The text message.
- I'm not telling you what it says.Copy !req
926. Just tell me if you'd want
your mother to read it.Copy !req
927. Yeah, she died 10 years ago,
and I wouldn't mind seeing her again.Copy !req
928. Here's what we're gonna do.
You're gonna go on ACN Morning.Copy !req
929. They are going to ask
the questions we want them to askCopy !req
930. and you're going to give
the answers we want...Copy !req
931. I'm not doing that.Copy !req
932. - Will.
- No, I'm not playing.Copy !req
933. This is News Corp using their gossip trash
to fuck with an anchor.Copy !req
934. News Corp doesn't own TMI! We do.Copy !req
935. - I'm talking about the Right coming after me.
- Wait.Copy !req
936. - I'm talking about...
- Wait!Copy !req
937. Wait.Copy !req
938. The tuxedo.Copy !req
939. The $4,000 tux.
You didn't buy it off the rack, did you?Copy !req
940. - What does...
- Just tell me.Copy !req
941. You're my boss and
I make a lot more money than you do.Copy !req
942. That makes me uncomfortable.Copy !req
943. - No, the tux was made for me by Armand...
- Armand Felini.Copy !req
944. Yeah, how did you know?Copy !req
945. 'Cause Leona Lansing gave me
the same Christmas present last year.Copy !req
946. A custom-made tuxedo from Armand Felini.Copy !req
947. This isn't News Corp. It's us.Copy !req
948. It's AWM.Copy !req
949. That's how Nina Howard knew
how much the suit cost.Copy !req
950. Why would our parent company...Copy !req
951. I had a meeting I never told you guys about
the day after election night.Copy !req
952. Leona's really pissed that
you're shooting at Tea Party congressmenCopy !req
953. and senators she has to do business with.Copy !req
954. How pissed?Copy !req
955. I'm not asking him to lie.
I'm not asking him to cover anything up.Copy !req
956. But he's gonna tone it down or I'll fire him.Copy !req
957. Well, best of luck trying
to program against him.Copy !req
958. I won't have to.Copy !req
959. He's got a non-compete clause
in his contract.Copy !req
960. - He's got to stay off television for three years.
- That's a death sentence.Copy !req
961. It is.Copy !req
962. How would you possibly explain firing
the second most watched anchor on cable?Copy !req
963. By creating what we call a context.Copy !req
964. His firing would be viewed
as an honorable stepCopy !req
965. by a corporation willing to sacrifice
ratings for integrity.Copy !req
966. How could you not tell me
about that meeting?Copy !req
967. I should have.Copy !req
968. - You think?
- I should have.Copy !req
969. This is a huge line that's being crossed.Copy !req
970. - I made that clear to her.
- A huge...Copy !req
971. How many times in the last six months
have I askedCopy !req
972. if we're all right on the 44th floor?Copy !req
973. Will, I love you, but you've got clay feet,
and I needed to keep you in the chair.Copy !req
974. Thanks for the confidence.Copy !req
975. Can we get back to damage control?Copy !req
976. - ACN Morning Monday.
- Hang on.Copy !req
977. You'd never allow a non-compete clause
in your contract.Copy !req
978. You couldn't stay off the television
for five minutes.Copy !req
979. It got put in.Copy !req
980. When?Copy !req
981. When, Will?Copy !req
982. When I renegotiated my contract.Copy !req
983. To be able to fire me at the end of each week.Copy !req
984. Yeah.Copy !req
985. - Jesus Christ, how much do you hate me?
- I don't hate you.Copy !req
986. You allowed a non-compete clause
in your contract?Copy !req
987. Three years? You were willing to stay off TV
for three years?Copy !req
988. When was the last time an anchor
stayed off TV for three yearsCopy !req
989. and ever came back?Copy !req
990. Have revenge sex with every woman
in the Tri-State area, for all I care,Copy !req
991. but keep it out of the goddamn newspapers.Copy !req
992. - Some of us have moved on.
- Yeah, you mentioned that.Copy !req
993. I can leave. You can do the same show
with another producer.Copy !req
994. We can have that discussion.Copy !req
995. - Why don't we have it now?
- Yeah.Copy !req
996. Yeah, some of us moved on
three and a half years agoCopy !req
997. and forgot to tell me!Copy !req
998. Uh...Copy !req
999. The vast majority of this rain forest
is unexploredCopy !req
1000. despite almost 100 years
of commercial logging.Copy !req
1001. I would add that renowned primatologist
Jane Goodall is also a believer,Copy !req
1002. given the cryptozoological history
of the lowland gorilla.Copy !req
1003. But she's not alone in this scientific field.
Due to frequent yeti sightings...Copy !req
1004. Heads up!Copy !req
1005. - What's going on?
- All hands!Copy !req
1006. There's been a shooting in TucsonCopy !req
1007. and a congresswoman, Gabrielle Giffords,
has been shot in the head.Copy !req
1008. This is Martin at the ACN newsroom.Copy !req
1009. I was wondering if you have a comment
on the shooting?Copy !req
1010. Get me our Tucson affiliate.Copy !req
1011. It's Charlie Skinner. New York Control
is breaking in in 15 minutes.Copy !req
1012. - Tess!
- Yeah?Copy !req
1013. - I'm giving you a phone number.
- Okay.Copy !req
1014. Quickly. Lieutenant Harvel Shansky,
Tucson PD. 8-4-6...Copy !req
1015. Gary, I need to be able to talk
to a goddamn correspondent on the ground.Copy !req
1016. - The shooter's in custody.
- Who is he? How'd they get him?Copy !req
1017. Everybody up! Up, up!Copy !req
1018. recording their next album without Maines.Copy !req
1019. We'll get the inside scoop
from Natalie herself.Copy !req
1020. We're cutting into our
program with breaking news.Copy !req
1021. A local Tucson newspaper is reporting
that Arizona Congresswoman Gabby...Copy !req
1022. Gabrielle Giffords has been shotCopy !req
1023. while holding a public event
in Tucson outside a grocery store.Copy !req
1024. Possibly as many as 12 others
have been rushed to an area hospital...Copy !req
1025. We're now learning that three members
of Gabrielle Giffords' staffCopy !req
1026. were among those wounded and rushed
to University Medical Center in Tucson.Copy !req
1027. Does he have an arrest record?Copy !req
1028. They've had him for over an hour now.
How can they not know who he is?Copy !req
1029. He's not going on the air with maybe.Copy !req
1030. - Jim. Jim.
- No, an arrest record.Copy !req
1031. Can you tell me if the congresswoman's
district office has received any threats?Copy !req
1032. - Jim.
- Yeah?Copy !req
1033. NPR is saying she's dead.Copy !req
1034. - Anyone else?
- No.Copy !req
1035. Then she's not dead yet.Copy !req
1036. If you're justjoining us,
a gunman in Arizona opened fire...Copy !req
1037. Fox, MSNBC and CNN are all calling it.Copy !req
1038. Let me hear MSNBC.Copy !req
1039. a sole source of informationCopy !req
1040. that reports that the Arizona congresswoman
Gabrielle Giffords has been killedCopy !req
1041. in this heinous attempt on her life...Copy !req
1042. Joey.Copy !req
1043. Get me some official confirmation,
or I'm not calling it now.Copy !req
1044. Why hasn't he called it yet?Copy !req
1045. I don't have time right now.Copy !req
1046. Jim, why hasn't he called it?Copy !req
1047. - Gary, I need him in the hospital.
- He's there.Copy !req
1048. CNN, MSNBC and FOX say she's dead.Copy !req
1049. They're all going off the same NPR report.Copy !req
1050. - I'm not satisfied.
- I don't give a shit if you're satisfied.Copy !req
1051. What the hell is he... Hey!Copy !req
1052. We're going to show you now an interview
Gabrielle Giffords gave just last year.Copy !req
1053. This is Congresswoman Giffords.Copy !req
1054. - Thirty seconds.
- What's going on?Copy !req
1055. - I'll call security.
- Every second you're not current,Copy !req
1056. 1,000 people are changing the channel
to the guy who is.Copy !req
1057. That's the business you're in.Copy !req
1058. MSNBC, Fox and CNN all say she's dead.
Don, tell him.Copy !req
1059. Don!Copy !req
1060. It's a person.Copy !req
1061. A doctor pronounces her dead, not the news.Copy !req
1062. Back in five, four...Copy !req
1063. What we know so far is that
Congresswoman Gabrielle GiffordsCopy !req
1064. and 12 others
were shot when a gunman opened fireCopy !req
1065. at a local town hall in Tucson, Arizona.Copy !req
1066. Is he overhearing it or is he at the hospital?Copy !req
1067. - She's alive!
- Who's telling you that?Copy !req
1068. The anesthesiologist.
She's being prepped for surgery.Copy !req
1069. - I've got her alive!
- NPR called it wrong. She's alive.Copy !req
1070. She's alive.Copy !req
1071. Will.Copy !req
1072. All right, we're learning now
that Giffords is being prepped for surgery,Copy !req
1073. and we have our ACN affiliate
at University Hospital now.Copy !req
1074. What can you tell us?Copy !req
1075. Will...Copy !req
1076. Mac, get in here with Charlie right now.Copy !req
1077. - Is everything...
- Right now!Copy !req
1078. You tell Leona that if she wants me
out of this chair,Copy !req
1079. she better bring more than
just a couple of guys.Copy !req
1080. That's exactly what I'll fucking tell her.Copy !req
1081. - I'm not fucking around, Charlie!
- Feet of fucking steel.Copy !req
1082. - Mac.
- I'm sorry.Copy !req
1083. - It's not your fault.
- I fucked everything up!Copy !req
1084. - It's gonna be all right.
- What the fuck is going on?Copy !req
1085. You're a fucking newsman, Don!Copy !req
1086. I ever tell you otherwise,
you punch me in the face!Copy !req
1087. - Okay, but you're back in 30.
- Back in 30 seconds.Copy !req
1088. Joey. Just breathe regular.Copy !req
1089. This is a sketchy description of the procedure
they'll be trying.Copy !req
1090. Hey.Copy !req
1091. When this is over,
let me see the bigfoot presentation.Copy !req
1092. Really?Copy !req
1093. I think I need some consulting
on what's real and what's not.Copy !req
1094. Okay, I think you'll find that
there's some striking evidence...Copy !req
1095. - Not now.
- Stand by, camera one.Copy !req
1096. - Right.
- In three, two...Copy !req
1097. Thank you, Tom.
Let's put together what we know.Copy !req
1098. A little after noon today,
Congresswoman Gabby GiffordsCopy !req
1099. was shot while holding a town hall meeting
in Tucson, Arizona.Copy !req
1100. It got put in.Copy !req
1101. When?Copy !req