The Nanny 6x9

1. Thank you so much for coming by, Dr. Reynolds.

2. It's nice to find a doctor who'll make house calls.

3. It's nice to find a patient who can afford them.

4. I don't know what to do anymore.

5. Fran is obsessing about still not being pregnant.

6. No need to worry.

7. All we have to do is talk to her calmly,

8. let her know that she's special

9. and that there's nothing wrong with her.

10. - Hi, Fran. - Hi.

11. Why don't you tell me why you're upside down?

12. Well, I was watching The View,

13. and Barbara Walters says that this

14. helps you get pregnant.

15. Plus, you know, I'm taking those hormones

16. and I also got some fancy herbs, and he's been taking zinc.

17. - No, I haven't. - Yeah, you have.

18. Remember those Tic Tacs that you said

19. that you thought tasted a little chalky?

20. This is sick! You are obsessive. Now, stop.

21. Please, talk to her, doctor.

22. This is sick. You are obsessive. Now stop.

23. Okay. Now, Max and Fran, I'm getting the feeling

24. that you're not following my instructions at all.

25. Remember, having sex too often

26. can actually diminish your chances

27. of becoming pregnant.

28. Well, I assure you, we're not doing it too often.

29. Aw.

30. Oh, honey.

31. There's something wrong with me.

32. No, no, sweetheart. There's nothing wrong with you.

33. Fran, what you need to do is let this problem float away.

34. Stop worrying.

35. For instance, last night I was lying in bed,

36. worrying about how I was gonna make

37. the down payment on my new Mercedes SL

38. and the moment I stopped worrying, boom, house call.

39. You know, sweetheart, we should listen to Dr. Reynolds.

40. We need to get our mind off this.

41. I know, why don't we get away for a while, mmm?

42. No.

43. Come on, Aspen's beautiful this time of year.

44. Oh, I don't wanna go to Aspen. They got babies there.

45. Come on. We haven't been outside of this room for two weeks.

46. That's not true. Aw.

47. Oh, honey. Look, I know what you're trying to do

48. but nothing is going to take my mind off of having a baby. Nothing will.

49. Not even an invitation to be guests of the President of the United States

50. at his gala dinner?

51. Are we at his table?

52. Of course.

53. Oh, my God!

54. We're going to meet the President.

55. Yes. Isn't that exciting?

56. And he's only invited his closest friends.

57. Oh, honey, I'm so impressed.

58. You should be.

59. Do you know how much it cost us to become his closest friends?

60. Not as much as this house call.

61. Oh, Sylvia, did you hear?

62. Your daughter and son-in-law are taking me on vacation.

63. And all the help will be cooking for me,

64. cleaning for me,

65. eavesdropping on me.

66. Niles, here's your plane ticket.

67. Oh, my, I've never flown first class before.

68. Oh, wait a minute. That's Chester's. Here.

69. Standby?

70. Oh, Niles, lots of people cancel their trip to Aspen

71. for Thanksgiving to meet the president.

72. Oh, by the way, when we get there, make sure everything's steamed.

73. I don't wanna meet the president with any wrinkles.

74. Well then, you should have met Truman.

75. Miss Babcock, Niles is on vacation.

76. He's coming with us not as our butler, but as our friend.

77. So when he unpacks, irons and cooks stuff to fill the fridge,

78. it'll be as a friendly gesture.

79. - Yeah.

80. - Nanny Fine, - Yes?

81. Maxwell and I are looking to produce at the Kennedy Center,

82. so when you meet the President,

83. he doesn't wanna know anything about your aunt's goiter,

84. your mother's... anything.

85. Or your campaign to bring back the McRib.

86. Oh, I don't know. I think he might sign that petition.

87. Look, Miss Babcock, I'm only going

88. to help take my mind off of not having a baby!

89. I'm just gonna go and relax and enjoy myself

90. and sit in front of a roaring fire.

91. Too bad, it sounds like the perfect place to get pregnant.

92. Why do you think I'm going?

93. This is the most beautiful chalet in the place.

94. Only the most special people get this.

95. Oh, I bet you say that about all the chalets, don't you?

96. Have to. It's in the handbook.

97. Well, it's just a perfect room to make a baby.

98. Oh, it's so sexy and romantic.

99. Gee, I can't imagine anybody not loving to hang around here.

100. Ow.

101. Oh, I feel so bad for Niles. I mean, coming all the way to a ski resort

102. and then breaking your arm and your collar bone

103. falling out of a limo.

104. - This is gonna be the worst vacation for him. - Yeah.

105. Ow!

106. You know, Niles, this is all your fault. If you hadn't put the leash on the dog,

107. - I wouldn't have tripped. - Well, I had to.

108. He would've run away and you would've lost him.

109. Well, why do you think I brought him up here?

110. Sir, can't we hire someone else to take care of her?

111. I'm sorry, Niles, but no one's allowed up here

112. unless they've been checked out by the Secret Service.

113. I barely cleared.

114. Well, why can't she take care of her?

115. I can't push her. I'm just a little girl.

116. "I'm just a little girl."

117. - Damn.

118. Hello?

119. Darling, do you know where the butler keeps the mini marshmallows?

120. Ma, what are you doing in our house?

121. Entertaining.

122. Louie! Do you mind? Stop rocking the chair, you'll break it!

123. Thank God I didn't have it at my place.

124. Ma, who let you back in the house?

125. Who left?

126. So after the big gala, are you gonna set up

127. for a nice, romantic baby-making evening with your hubby?

128. No, Ma.

129. I can't let Maxwell know that I'm still obsessing on it.

130. Gonna have to do something that's very subtle.

131. Well, if you want my advice,

132. tonight, you'll start trying and trying and trying—

133. Ma, you're gonna have to stop thinking about it.

134. Well, I can't!

135. The mini-marshmallows are in the bottom drawer in the cabinet

136. to the left of the refrigerator.

137. Sweetheart, I put together this list of topics for you to avoid

138. when you're speaking to the President.

139. Let's see...

140. Don't mention anything about "Whitewater,

141. the Paula Jones settlement,

142. the phrase "download the full text,"

143. Jennifer, Paula, Monica, Linda,

144. Kathleen, Ariana,

145. Kenneth, Newt,

146. McDougal, Orin, Al,

147. Sylvia, Morty,

148. Yetta, Freida, Rifka, Babka, Shishka..."

149. E-Excuse me, sir, but we're here to meet the President?

150. Well, duh.

151. Now, I'm agent Chris Malley.

152. Secret Service. Mind if I check your purse?

153. - Oh, sure, sure. - Thank you.

154. Oh, it's adorable.

155. You don't plan to check the purses on the way out too, do you?

156. I do now. Here you go. Right this way.

157. Oh, hi, little fella. Hi.

158. How you doing, huh?

159. All excited about meeting the President?

160. Mommy and Daddy gonna let you stay up late tonight?

161. I'm 17.

162. Oh, right, 17. Jeez, I didn't realize that.

163. Sorry. Right this way to the senior's line, Grandpa.

164. Oh, hello, Mrs. Clinton.

165. I'm Fran Sheffield.

166. You look beautiful and very thin tonight.

167. Oh, Hil, you just got a little— Over here.

168. No. To the left.

169. Move to the left. Yeah—

170. Oy, you know what? Just let me. Let me.

171. Oh, yeah, there you go. Now I'm gonna go meet your husband.

172. Oh, hello, Mr. President.

173. I'm Fran Sheffield.

174. Hello, I'm Bill Clinton.

175. I know.

176. You know, your brother Roger lives right next door to us in New York.

177. Well, not for long. He's moving.

178. Because he's sick of dealing with that neighbor's mother.

179. You know, the one with the big blond hair

180. who's always screaming and taking his pizzas.

181. How do you deal with it?

182. Er... You know, we're thinking of moving too.

183. - Well, you here with your family? - Yes, yes.

184. I'm here with my kids and my husband.

185. He's gonna be so excited to meet you. He'll be here in a second.

186. You know, he was so worried

187. that I was gonna say something embarrassing.

188. Oh, here's the Imodium A-D, honey. Just knock on your father's stall.

189. You know, it could be the zinc I'm giving him too.

190. We're trying to get pregnant, but it just doesn't seem to be happening.

191. Is there anything I can do to help?

192. Excuse me. What did you say?

193. - Why is she hitting him? - Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

194. This is my husband, Mr. President. Maxwell.

195. Oh, how do you do, Mr. President? A pleasure to meet you.

196. I've heard so much about you.

197. Of course, I haven't believed everything I've heard or read

198. but I haven't actually read or seen anything.

199. - I'm— I— - Honey, honey, honey.

200. As they say in the theater, let's leave them wanting more.

201. Oh, my God. I've just humiliated myself

202. in front of the President of the United States of America.

203. So, what are you smiling about?

204. Because I didn't do it.

205. Oh, honey, would you please stop worrying?

206. I just can't believe what I said.

207. I just totally lost control.

208. Sweetie, you're obsessing.

209. The way to stop thinking about it is to do something else.

210. - Oh, you're right, sweetheart. - Come on.

211. You think he thought I was an idiot?

212. Let it go.

213. Don't answer it.

214. Oh, I have to get that. It could be the President calling

215. to see if I feel okay about what I said.

216. Oh, stop it. Don't be ridiculous.

217. Hello?

218. Oh, hello.

219. It's the President's secretary.

220. - Yes. - Tell him I feel okay.

221. - I didn't give it a second thought. - Okay.

222. Oh, that would be lovely.

223. Thank you so much. Thank you. Goodbye.

224. Oh, you're not gonna believe that.

225. The President and Hillary want me to go skiing with them.

226. Get this, they thought I was charming.

227. Fantastic. You're going skiing with the President

228. - of the United States of America. - I know!

229. Oh, you'll take your camera.

230. - You'll get pictures. - Yeah.

231. - You'll get autographs. - Oh, yeah.

232. You'll talk to him about me doing the Kennedy Center thing.

233. Definitely.

234. - You know, you are a wonderful woman. - Mm-hmm.

235. Come on, let's take up where we left off.

236. What am I gonna wear?

237. Look at that guy skiing with Chelsea. What does he have that I don't?

238. The last name DiCaprio?

239. I mean, am I the only one worried about Fran?

240. She's skiing with the President. She's never skied before.

241. Don't be worried. Her instructor said she's heads above the rest of the class.

242. Okay, girls.

243. Ready to go down the hill and get our skis?

244. - Okay, everybody, hold hands. - I don't wanna hold her hand.

245. She keeps pulling me down when she falls.

246. You are not a team player, little girl.

247. - And you're not a little girl. - Girls.

248. Girls, enough.

249. Well, she started.

250. - Fran? - What?

251. Where's your guardian?

252. He's over there.

253. Well, I think you need to go over there and take a time-out.

254. You girls are all in a clique and—

255. I don't wanna be in your clique.

256. - Honey. - Sweetheart, what's the matter?

257. - Why are you crying? - I only have five days

258. to learn how to ski for the President and I'm not picking it up.

259. Well, that's all right, sweetheart. I'll teach you.

260. Really? You don't mind?

261. - No, of course not. - I love you.

262. I saw that, Cecily!

263. How hard can it be to make the V?

264. Even the five-year-olds can do it.

265. Well, thank you, Cecily.

266. Now, just squat, like this:

267. - Get in a squatting position, all right? - Okay.

268. Just like, with your weight forward.

269. Now, if you wanna turn to the right, you do this.

270. You wanna turn to the left, you do this.

271. All right? Right, left.

272. Weight forward out there.

273. The important thing is knowing how to— Stop!

274. Wait for me!

275. Wait for me!

276. Honey, we've been here for two and a half hours.

277. I don't think anyone is gonna find us.

278. Wait. My voice carries.

279. Help!

280. Sweetheart.

281. Snow hanging precariously above us.

282. Sweetie, I'm so cold.

283. Oh, honey, why didn't you wear your Long Johns like I told you?

284. Because it adds unnecessary bulk.

285. Honey, what are we gonna do?

286. Oh, just let me hold you.

287. That'll warm you up. There.

288. - Warmer? - I'm getting a little toasty.

289. You know, this has always been a fantasy of mine.

290. What? To make love in the snow?

291. No, to make love with my ski instructor.

292. Oh, God bless you.

293. Oh, Niles.

294. Why aren't I any better?

295. I mean, it's been five days since they rescued us off that mountain.

296. I can't ski now I have this terrible cold on top of it.

297. Well, why don't you take something?

298. Well, I went to the clinic to try and get a prescription

299. but they wouldn't give me any antibiotics until they ran some stupid test.

300. Meanwhile, my ears are so plugged, I can't even hear myself talk.

301. Ha, lucky you.

302. I'm sorry. It's just that I've spent my entire vacation

303. scratching parts of Miss Babcock's body

304. even she is loathed to touch.

305. Well, I can't wait for this pharmacy to deliver the antibiotics anymore.

306. I'm just gonna have to go. I mean, I ski with the President in a half an hour.

307. You wanna come and have hot chocolate in my cabin?

308. Oh, I get it.

309. Now that you heard that I'm skiing with the President

310. you wanna be my best friend.

311. Well, no, thank you.

312. Fine.

313. Is Ingrid coming?

314. Oh, I'm so excited about being with the President.

315. Ah, yes. Civilians.

316. So unjaded.

317. You know, I've never had my very own Secret Service man before.

318. - Well... - I feel so very safe and secure.

319. - Good.

320. What's that?

321. We're gonna die!

322. We're gonna die!

323. We're gonna die up here!

324. Well, that's comforting.

325. It's a chairlift.

326. They have to stop it to let people off.

327. Oh, okay.

328. What kind of a Secret Service man are you, anyway?

329. A really bad one.

330. In fact, they only keep me around because I guard the presidential parrot.

331. But one day I left the window open. "Hail to the chief, hail to the chief."

332. I gotta say that every time they walk by the covered cage.

333. Oh, that's okay.

334. - Take it easy. - Thank you. Thank you.

335. I'm very high-strung.

336. Boy, you're all man, aren't you?

337. Oh, take it easy.

338. It's just a cell phone.

339. Oh, good.

340. Hello?

341. Oh, yes.

342. How come you never dropped off my prescription?

343. Oh.

344. Oh, really?

345. Oh, thank you.

346. Thank you so much.

347. Yes, goodbye.

348. Oh, my God.

349. I'm pregnant.

350. Oh, did you hear that?

351. The pharmacy called and said that I'm pregnant!

352. I'm pregnant! I'm pregnant!

353. Hi.

354. Oh, hi, sweetheart.

355. What are you doing back so soon?

356. I thought you would be with the President for hours.

357. I didn't go.

358. I wanted to be with the most important man in my life.

359. What?

360. What is it, darling?

361. Sweetie, what did we come here for?

362. To go to a gala dinner with the President?

363. And?

364. To get him to agree to let me produce at the Kennedy Center,

365. which he did.

366. Honey, I'm trying to be romantic, but you're frustrating me a little here.

367. I'm sorry, sweetheart. What are you trying to tell me?

368. Let me give you a hint.

369. Do you remember when Dr. Reynolds said

370. what might happen if I would just relax?

371. - Yes. - Well, remember how relaxed I was

372. in the cave?

373. Yes.

374. Darling...

375. Are we nodding and smiling because you're trying to tell me

376. we're gonna have a baby?

377. Oh, sweetheart!

378. Oh, we're gonna have a baby!

379. Wait, wait, are they sure?

380. Absolutely, positively.

381. Oh, sweetheart, I love you so much.

382. Oh, I love you.

383. Can you believe our good luck that this trip happened right now at this time?

384. I mean, think of it.

385. Because of President Clinton, I'm pregnant!

386. God bless America!

387. You know, this is my first Thanksgiving that I'm eating for two.

388. You know, Sylvia, if you stop now you'll be able to say the same.

389. Honey, didn't you enjoy your dinner?

390. Yeah, of course I did.

391. Well, then how come your pants aren't undone

392. and you're not saying, "Ah, I'm so nauseous"?

393. Darling, I stop eating when I'm full.

394. He's foreign.

395. Oh, we have so much to be grateful for.

396. I know that I'm thankful that I'm married and I'm pregnant.

397. And I'm thankful it was in that order.

398. Morty, are you all right? You've been so quiet.

399. I'm nauseous.

400. I should have bet on Pittsburgh.