1. And you know, I never gave
Maxwell a wedding gift
Copy !req
2. and since the days of me
sleeping in my own room
are over.
Copy !req
3. Thank God.
Copy !req
4. So I was thinking, why not turn
it into his very own home gym?
Copy !req
5. - That's good.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
6. Keep him strong and healthy.
Copy !req
7. Men who marry the Fine women
tend to die young.
Copy !req
8. Why is that?
Copy !req
9. Because they want to.
Copy !req
10. Anyway, I got
this amazing contractor.
Copy !req
11. Wait till you girls see
what's being done in here.
Copy !req
12. - Oh, my God.
- Oh, my.
Copy !req
13. What are you doing here?
Copy !req
14. Well, I thought you were gonna
be out shopping all day.
Copy !req
15. Well, I finished early.
I'm good at it. What?
Copy !req
16. You said you were
going to be in bed all da—
Copy !req
17. Sylvia, Yetta,
do you have to stand there?
Copy !req
18. - No.
- No.
Copy !req
19. I can't believe you're
doing this. What must you
have been thinking?
Copy !req
20. That we wouldn't get caught?
Copy !req
21. Fran, I just turned 21.
I'm an adult.
Copy !req
22. Well, as an adult, I should
advise you that you better
get your tushy out of bed
Copy !req
23. before your daddy comes home
and kills you.
Copy !req
24. Hi, I'm Nana.
Copy !req
25. And you know who's fault this is
gonna turn out to be,
don't you? Mine.
Copy !req
26. - Why?
- Because
Copy !req
27. I'm the one that said you were
an adult.
Copy !req
28. I'm the one that said
you were responsible.
Copy !req
29. I'm the one that told him
to trust you.
Copy !req
30. Fran, I— Oh, my God.
Copy !req
31. And this is why men
that marry Fine women die young.
Copy !req
32. MAIN TITLE
Copy !req
33. What the hell do you think
you were doing?
Copy !req
34. - Well, I think it's pretty
obvious—
- I know what they were doing.
Copy !req
35. - I wanna know why they were
doing it.
- Well, I think they were—
Copy !req
36. I know why they were doing it.
Copy !req
37. Hey, what's all the noise—?
Copy !req
38. Great.
Copy !req
39. All right, how much
have I missed?
Copy !req
40. Have any trust funds
been cut off yet?
Copy !req
41. - Would you just get out of here?
- Everybody out.
Copy !req
42. - Oh, but, Dad, this is—
- Now.
Copy !req
43. Out. Out.
Copy !req
44. I'll be in the kitchen.
Copy !req
45. Well, there's a shocker.
Copy !req
46. Honey. Honey,
let's just calm down.
Copy !req
47. Maybe we should go sit around
the table, have a little coffee,
a little cake—
Copy !req
48. Not now.
Copy !req
49. Look, Mr. Sheffield, I think I
know what you're gonna say.
Copy !req
50. - I want you out of my house.
- Yep, that's what I thought.
Copy !req
51. Care to explain yourself,
young lady?
Copy !req
52. Well, Fran said that whatever we
do in our own apartment,
we could do here.
Copy !req
53. Why don't you just feed me
to the sharks, why don't you?
Copy !req
54. Ms. Fine, in my office.
Copy !req
55. Right now.
Copy !req
56. Great. Now I'm back to Ms. Fine.
Thank you very much, young lady.
Copy !req
57. Oh, yes, good afternoon.
I'm calling about your ad
for the '93 BMW.
Copy !req
58. Yes, well, the car
sounds wonderful.
Copy !req
59. Oh, you think I sound sexy, eh?
Copy !req
60. Well, I've got
wavy black hair...
Copy !req
61. hazel eyes.
Copy !req
62. Oh, I'm about 6-foot-2.
What about you?
Copy !req
63. I'm a petite, strawberry blond.
Copy !req
64. Oh, I like moonlight,
Burt Bacharach...
Copy !req
65. and leather.
Copy !req
66. Yes, I'm alone.
Copy !req
67. Are you serious?
Copy !req
68. That'll really turn you on?
Copy !req
69. Whoop, whoop.
Copy !req
70. You are a pathetic excuse
for a man.
Copy !req
71. turn everything into
a screaming match.
Copy !req
72. Listen, I don't agree or approve
of what she did either,
Copy !req
73. but she is 21 years old
and she does love the guy.
Copy !req
74. If she loves him, she can wait.
We waited five years.
Copy !req
75. You know, that's a little bit
of a sore spot with me.
Copy !req
76. I can't believe you gave them
permission to do that.
And in our house.
Copy !req
77. I did not.
Copy !req
78. You know, you're just upset
because you saw them.
Copy !req
79. Yes, well, you're right.
Didn't care for that.
Copy !req
80. Sweetie, you must have assumed
that they were—
Copy !req
81. Assuming isn't knowing.
Assuming means
you could be wrong.
Copy !req
82. People were assuming we were
having sex when you were
my nanny and they're wrong.
Copy !req
83. Again, a sore spot.
Copy !req
84. Look, I want you to talk
to Margaret and forbid her
from having any more.
Copy !req
85. Oh, okay, honey.
Copy !req
86. And while I'm doing that
Copy !req
87. why don't you schlep Opie
to Floyd's for a haircut?
Copy !req
88. Please, would you just go
and talk to her?
Copy !req
89. Oh, okay, okay.
Copy !req
90. But I'll tell you, it's gonna be
pretty difficult
for me to tell her
Copy !req
91. she can't do something that,
Copy !req
92. well, I recently discovered,
is just so amazing.
Copy !req
93. I don't care.
Copy !req
94. Thank you. I don't care.
Copy !req
95. Oh, come on, it was just a joke.
Copy !req
96. What do I have to do
to get you to sell me your car?
Copy !req
97. Well, it's
a little embarrassing,
Copy !req
98. but would you consider
being a workout partner
Copy !req
99. for someone who's trying
to get back to a size 4?
Copy !req
100. "Back to" implies she
was there once.
Copy !req
101. What would I have to do?
Copy !req
102. Well, all you'd have to do
is hold her legs
while she does sit-ups,
Copy !req
103. spot her when she does squats,
blot the perspiration
from her cleavage.
Copy !req
104. Oh, I could handle that.
It's a deal.
Copy !req
105. I hope it'll be as much fun
for you as it is for me.
Copy !req
106. First thing,
could you help me get into this?
Copy !req
107. I hate you. I hate you.
Copy !req
108. Oh, there you are.
Where have you been?
Copy !req
109. - Michael's.
- Well, you know,
your father wants us
Copy !req
110. to talk about what happened
between you
and Michael yesterday.
Copy !req
111. And I just want you to know,
honey, that as your mother,
Copy !req
112. you can share with me
anything and everything.
Copy !req
113. Well, that wasn't the first time
Michael and I—
Copy !req
114. Don't over communicate, sweetie.
Copy !req
115. Now, come on. The important
thing is that you have
to talk to your father.
Copy !req
116. But before that happens,
we're gonna give you
a little makeover
Copy !req
117. and turn you into the Maggie
that he wants to see.
Copy !req
118. The sweet, young,
sexually non-active Maggie.
Copy !req
119. Fran, I really don't think
that this is a good time.
Copy !req
120. Oh, honey, don't be scared.
Copy !req
121. You'll just march yourself
right in there and open with,
Copy !req
122. "Daddy, your last play
was so funny."
Copy !req
123. Then...
Copy !req
124. you're gonna apologize.
Copy !req
125. And as you skip out,
it wouldn't be a bad idea
to hold on to that.
Copy !req
126. Fran, I really need
to talk to you.
Copy !req
127. Okay, sweetie, but just,
Copy !req
128. do you think
that you can squeeze into this?
Copy !req
129. Fran, I think I'm pregnant.
Copy !req
130. Oh, well, then this
definitely won't...
Copy !req
131. Fran? Fran?
Copy !req
132. Fran?
Copy !req
133. Nice rug.
Copy !req
134. Fran, please, I need you.
You have to get up.
Copy !req
135. Oh, oh.
Copy !req
136. Oh, honey, you know, next time
you tell me that you think
you're pregnant,
Copy !req
137. could you do it on carpeting?
Copy !req
138. Fran, what am I gonna do?
Copy !req
139. Well, are you sure, sweetie?
Copy !req
140. All I know is that I'm late.
Copy !req
141. - Well, how late?
- About a week.
Copy !req
142. Now, when you say about a week,
how many days do you mean?
Copy !req
143. - Five? Six?
- Eleven.
Copy !req
144. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
145. - Didn't you use protection?
- Well, of course I did.
Copy !req
146. Well, you obviously
didn't buy quality.
Copy !req
147. Don't you know that is the one
thing you pay retail for?
Copy !req
148. Fran, what am I gonna do?
Copy !req
149. I mean, who would have thought
that Daddy would be right?
Copy !req
150. You know what, honey?
Copy !req
151. Let's not go there
unless we absolutely have to.
Copy !req
152. Oh, Dad.
Copy !req
153. I'm so sorry. Thank you so much.
I'm never gonna do it again.
Copy !req
154. - Oh. Excellent work, sweetheart.
- Thanks.
Copy !req
155. - Hi, Mom.
- Oh, what do you mean by that?
Copy !req
156. Oh, you meant me.
Oh, he meant me.
Copy !req
157. Good to see you, son.
Copy !req
158. Okay, now the first thing
that we gotta do
is buy a pregnancy test.
Copy !req
159. Who's pregnant?
Copy !req
160. Oh, Oh, um...
Copy !req
161. Yetta, you gotta promise me
you're gonna forget everything
you just heard.
Copy !req
162. Don't worry,
it goes in one ear and—
Copy !req
163. I think we're safe.
Copy !req
164. Did you get the test?
Copy !req
165. Okay. So let's see here.
Copy !req
166. It says, "If you're
not pregnant, it'll turn pink.
Copy !req
167. If you are pregnant,
it will turn blue."
Copy !req
168. As will we all.
Copy !req
169. Oh, honey, this wouldn't
have happened if you had
just listened to me.
Copy !req
170. You said I could do whatever
I want in our own house.
Copy !req
171. Whatever, not whoever.
Copy !req
172. Fran, I'm so nervous.
Copy !req
173. Oh, sweetie, listen.
Whatever happens, don't worry.
Copy !req
174. You're not gonna have to go
through this by yourself.
Copy !req
175. Oh, I'm so glad that I have you.
Copy !req
176. I love you.
Copy !req
177. But, you know, I don't wanna
put pressure on you or anything,
Copy !req
178. but if for some reason
you are pregnant,
Copy !req
179. life is going to change forever.
Copy !req
180. No husband, no house, no money.
Copy !req
181. And it ain't gonna be
a picnic for you either.
Copy !req
182. Um, I'm putting on my makeup.
Copy !req
183. Oh, God, that'll take a month.
Copy !req
184. I want my money back.
Copy !req
185. Your car is a piece of junk
Copy !req
186. and it smells like some animal
died in the trunk.
Copy !req
187. Ooh. Oh, no, no,
he's at the vet.
He's at the vet.
Copy !req
188. Sorry, buster,
the check is cashed,
the car is yours.
Copy !req
189. Oh, that was my life savings.
Copy !req
190. Oh, Niles, I had no idea.
Copy !req
191. It looks kind of mauve.
Copy !req
192. Well, we still have
a minute left.
Copy !req
193. You know what,
I'm still freshening up.
Copy !req
194. Darling, I... I had to come back
and finish what you started.
Copy !req
195. So why don't you open the door
and we can freshen up together?
Copy !req
196. Not now.
Copy !req
197. Sweetie.
Copy !req
198. What is going on in there?
Copy !req
199. Nothing, nothing.
Copy !req
200. - What was that?
- Um, um... a ding?
Copy !req
201. Fran, would you open
the door now?
Copy !req
202. Oh, what do I have to do to get
a little privacy around here?
Copy !req
203. Lock the door?
Copy !req
204. Why is my daughter
holding a pregnancy test?
Copy !req
205. Well, you know, there,
there could be so many reasons.
Copy !req
206. Let me see here.
Copy !req
207. Well, suppose you give me
one of those reasons right now.
Copy !req
208. - You better start thinking.
I was gonna
tell you after.
Copy !req
209. Sweetheart.
Copy !req
210. Your father thinks that we
should go to the gynecologist
Copy !req
211. and find out for sure.
Copy !req
212. Oh, and sweetie, next time...
Copy !req
213. lock the door.
Copy !req
214. Fran. Maggie.
Copy !req
215. Welcome to my new examining
room, Ribbons and Lace.
Copy !req
216. Wow, this place is gorgeous.
Copy !req
217. I'll tell you, it's a lot
different from my
old gyno's office,
Copy !req
218. but then again, how do you give
a former car wash glamor?
Copy !req
219. May I offer you gals a cookie?
Copy !req
220. - No, thanks, Dr. Reynolds.
- Oh, look at this.
Copy !req
221. They're shaped
like giant midols. How clever.
Copy !req
222. I bake like a banshee
during my time of the month.
Copy !req
223. All right, Maggie.
Copy !req
224. Here you go.
Copy !req
225. Ooh, is that stunning.
Copy !req
226. - I paint on silk
on the weekends.
- Oh.
Copy !req
227. - There you go, honey.
- Thanks.
Copy !req
228. Fran. You're gonna stay in here
with me, right?
Copy !req
229. Of course, baby,
I'm not going anywhere.
I'll be here the whole time.
Copy !req
230. Go change.
Copy !req
231. Oh, the poor kid is so nervous.
Copy !req
232. Doctor, you have any idea
when you're gonna find out
the results of the tests?
Copy !req
233. It'll be under 20 minutes.
Copy !req
234. And while you wait, I have
videos of the Lilith Fair.
Copy !req
235. Hey.
Copy !req
236. Oh, look at this. You keep your
instruments in a bun warmer.
Copy !req
237. How considerate.
Copy !req
238. Oh, boy, I'll tell you,
I'm so happy that Maggie
is in such good care,
Copy !req
239. because I'll tell you,
I am like a nervous wreck.
Copy !req
240. Now, what can we do
to make Fran feel better?
Copy !req
241. I'll tell you, if only I could
use a glass of wine.
Copy !req
242. Well, I have a dry Merlot
or an oaky Chardonnay.
Copy !req
243. Maggie's test results should be
ready in just a few minutes.
Copy !req
244. Oh, good. Oh...
Copy !req
245. Doc, is that you with Hillary?
Copy !req
246. Oh, yes, she comes to see me
once a week.
Copy !req
247. Isn't that a little bit often?
Copy !req
248. Well, wouldn't you
if he was your husband?
Copy !req
249. Oh, dear.
Now, while we're waiting,
Copy !req
250. I'd like to ask you
a few questions.
Copy !req
251. Have you been feeling fatigued
at all?
Copy !req
252. Oh, who wouldn't be exhausted
after what I've been through.
Copy !req
253. Oh, you meant her.
Go ahead, sweetie.
Copy !req
254. I don't feel tired.
Copy !req
255. Have you felt a little
lightheaded or nauseous?
Copy !req
256. Oh, well, if you are,
you might have gotten that
from me.
Copy !req
257. Ever since I came back
from the island,
Copy !req
258. I have had
a low-grade nauseousness.
Copy !req
259. You know what I'd like to do?
Copy !req
260. I'd like to focus on Maggie
for just a moment.
Copy !req
261. Now, Maggie,
have you had any cravings?
Copy !req
262. No, not really.
Copy !req
263. Okay, no cravings.
Copy !req
264. I have Ms. Sheffield's results,
doctor.
Copy !req
265. Just as I suspected.
Your tiny little figure
is going to remain intact.
Copy !req
266. - I'm not pregnant?
- You're not pregnant.
Copy !req
267. - Oh, my God.
- Oh, sweetie,
you're not pregnant.
Copy !req
268. Oh, my God, are you lucky.
Copy !req
269. Oh, honey, I beg of you,
remember how this felt.
Copy !req
270. I know that you're old enough
to make your own decisions,
Copy !req
271. but, sweetie,
there are just some consequences
Copy !req
272. I don't think you're ready for.
Copy !req
273. - I love you, Fran.
- I love you too, angel.
Copy !req
274. Very nice.
Copy !req
275. - I'm gonna go call Michael.
- Okay. I'll meet you out there.
Copy !req
276. Oh, God, doc, I am so relieved,
I can't tell you.
Copy !req
277. Before you go...
come back to me.
Copy !req
278. I'd like to focus on Fran
for just a little bit.
Copy !req
279. - Oh, why?
- Well, fatigue, lightheadedness,
Copy !req
280. "nauseousness"?
Copy !req
281. Oh, my God, doc,
are you thinking
that I might be pregnant?
Copy !req
282. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
283. - Excuse me.
- Yeah?
Copy !req
284. Would you happen to know
who owns that BMW
with the for sale sign?
Copy !req
285. What's it to you?
Copy !req
286. Oh, well, I'm a collector.
I will pay top dollar.
Copy !req
287. What if I were to tell you
Copy !req
288. that I sold it
to a dear friend of mine
who needs the car desperately?
Copy !req
289. Well, what if I were to tell you
I'll double what he paid for it?
Copy !req
290. Money talks, butler walks.
Copy !req
291. Niles.
Copy !req
292. You know, I have been thinking,
and I feel so guilty
Copy !req
293. about taking your life savings
that I wanna buy the car back.
Copy !req
294. Why are you being so nice?
Copy !req
295. Can't I act like
a compassionate human being?
Copy !req
296. Uh, no.
Copy !req
297. There's got to be
something up your sleeve,
Copy !req
298. although I don't know
how anything else would fit
Copy !req
299. with that big, wide arm
in there.
Copy !req
300. All right, just forget it then.
Copy !req
301. No, wait, wait.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I do want my money back.
Copy !req
302. It's just that I'm not used to
you being compassionate
and nice to me.
Copy !req
303. Well, don't get used to it.
Copy !req
304. Oh, thank you.
Copy !req
305. Thank you.
Copy !req
306. Thank you.
Copy !req
307. Thank you.
Copy !req
308. Thank you.
Copy !req
309. - Where's Maxwell?
- He's in the study.
Copy !req
310. - Oh, Fran, my darling.
- Honey. Honey.
Copy !req
311. I've got the most amazing news
for you. For us.
Copy !req
312. I already know.
Margaret called me
Copy !req
313. from the doctor's
to give me the good news.
Copy !req
314. No, no. Something else.
Copy !req
315. And I have to say, thank God.
Copy !req
316. Well, Margaret's much too young
and frankly, I'm far too old.
Copy !req
317. Well, why? What does it have
to do with you?
Copy !req
318. Well, I'd insist on Margaret
finishing college,
Copy !req
319. and that means you-know-who
would be bringing up baby.
Copy !req
320. And we've only just got married.
Copy !req
321. I'm not ready to share you yet.
Copy !req
322. Oh, no, no,
the last thing we need right now
Copy !req
323. is a baby
running around the house.
Copy !req
324. Anyway, come on.
Tell me, what's your good news?
Copy !req
325. Bloomingdale's is having
a big shoe sale.
Copy !req
326. Oh, come here.
Copy !req
327. Yetta, why does everybody around
here treat me like a baby?
Copy !req
328. They won't tell me anything.
Copy !req
329. Yeah, what about me?
Copy !req
330. People tell me everything,
and in two minutes I forget.
Copy !req
331. I'm sorry, Yetta.
It must be hard for you.
Copy !req
332. Well, sometimes,
but sometimes it's a pleasure.
Copy !req
333. See, for instance,
Copy !req
334. if I hear news that upsets me,
Copy !req
335. ten minutes later
I'm on top of the world again.
Copy !req
336. Thanks, Yetta.
Copy !req
337. For what?
Copy !req
338. You gave me something
to look forward to.
Copy !req
339. Oh...
Copy !req
340. I wish you were
my great-granddaughter.
Copy !req
341. I am
your great-granddaughter, Yetta.
Copy !req
342. You are?
Copy !req
343. You see?
I'm on top of the world again.
Copy !req
344. Ah, good, good.
Copy !req