1. Previously on
The Nanny...
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2. Niles, listen to me.
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3. I'm your friend
and I love you.
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4. Don't spend the rest
of your life wondering.
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5. Carpe diem.
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6. Ms. Babcock.
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7. Well, I gotta admit,
you surprised me tonight.
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8. You finally pulled off
something bigger
than your shorts.
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9. Oh, yeah?
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10. Well, you—
You're a—
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11. You walk like a—
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12. Marry me.
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13. Ms. Babcock?
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14. Ms. Babcock,
are you in here?
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15. Oh, God.
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16. So, tell me,
what did he say,
what did you say?
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17. I wanna know all the details.
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18. Nanny Fine,
I am involved
in a private moment here.
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19. Must you stand outside
the stall door?
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20. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
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21. I don't mean to be rude.
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22. I just wanna know...
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23. what happened
with you and Niles?
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24. Would you
leave me alone?
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25. Oy, everybody gets so upset
when I do this.
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26. - If you must know...
- Yeah?
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27. I was just proposed to
by the most bloated, pathetic,
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28. domestic excuse
for a man.
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29. So, what'd you say?
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30. Well, it's always been
a dream of mine
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31. to give up
my Park Avenue penthouse
and move into his room.
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32. Oh, no, you turned him down
because he's not rich?
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33. Ms. Babcock, why do you always
think with your head?
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34. What does your heart say?
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35. "Don't marry a maid."
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36. Well, what does your liver say?
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37. Does that at least say,
"Can the man
take me out for a drink?"
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38. Nanny Fine,
what is this sudden interest
in my love life?
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39. Did I interfere
with you and Maxwell?
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40. Did I push you two together?
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41. No. You tried to push me
in front of a bus.
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42. Once, and I apologized.
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43. I have to go find Yetta
and tell her about this.
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44. Why? Why Yetta?
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45. Because she forgets
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46. and I can tell her
over and over and over again.
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47. I cannot believe
you are actually enjoying
seeing this man in pain.
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48. I live for moments like this.
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49. I mean, he exposed
his deepest feelings
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50. right out there in public
where I could crush him.
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51. What would compel him
to do something like that?
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52. I have no idea.
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53. Oh, excuse me, sir,
but this is the ladies' room.
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54. Thank you very much
for your advice.
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55. Do you have any idea
what a fool I made of myself?
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56. Yeah, I heard.
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57. But, you know,
just for the record,
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58. I told you
to express your feelings.
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59. I did. I asked Ms. Babcock
to marry me.
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60. Well, in the future,
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61. may I suggest that before
you propose to a woman
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62. you start calling her
by her first name.
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63. I just want you to know
that you have
ruined my entire life
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64. and I will never
forgive you for this.
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65. Excuse me.
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66. Can you see
if they have this
in a size 6?
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67. - Oh, darling.
- Oh, hi, sweetie.
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68. I'm sorry I'm late.
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69. - I got held up by Niles
this morning.
- Oh!
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70. It seems
he's really quite upset.
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71. Oh, poor Niles.
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72. Yeah, I feel so bad for him.
I wish I could—
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73. Did he mention names?
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74. No. No, he just kept repeating
how his life was over
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75. and he had nothing left
to live for.
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76. Oh, you know,
he's probably just depressed
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77. - on account of our show
going from off-Broadway to off.
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78. - I'm sure you're right.
- Yeah.
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79. You know what I thought
it was, though?
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80. What?
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81. I thought it was because
he had proposed to C.C.
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82. and been turned down
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83. because of some
big-haired woman's bad advice.
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84. Who do you suppose
that could be?
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85. Oh, all right,
so I gave him advice.
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86. He's my friend.
How would I know he would—
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87. And I thought
you liked my big hair.
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88. And don't change
the subject.
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89. What have I been saying
for the last six years? Hm?
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90. Well, I could tell you what you
didn't say for the first five.
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91. Don't get involved
in other people's lives.
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92. Now, why do you have this
constant desire to interfere?
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93. I have that
obsessive-compulsive thing.
What's it called?
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94. Yenta.
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95. I'm the one
that suffers for this.
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96. I didn't tell him
to propose to her.
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97. He's been moping
around the house...
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98. - Hello.
- Hello.
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99. Dr. Reynolds sends
her sincere apologies.
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100. She's attending the female
gynecologist convention.
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101. - Oh.
- Women on Women.
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102. I'm Margot.
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103. Dr. Reynolds' sister.
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104. Oh! Two women doctors
in one family.
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105. My father has a couple of
sisters on his side
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106. that both make
dried apple people.
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107. Well, it seems like
all of your blood levels
are normal
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108. and everything is going
right according to schedule.
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109. You know, my husband's mad.
I could use a little sympathy.
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110. Can't you find
one little thing
wrong with me?
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111. Well, your hair
is a little big.
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112. Fran, we recommend
all first-time mommies
carrying twins
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113. get a little taste of what
it's going to be like.
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114. So let me introduce you
to baby Frank and baby Karen.
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115. - Oh!
- Oh, well, what are we supposed
to do with these?
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116. - Use them for practice.
- Oh.
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117. - They're programmed to cry
and wet their diapers...
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118. just like real babies.
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119. Oh, I think this one just
spit up on my jacket.
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120. See? They do everything
real babies do.
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121. They're very expensive.
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122. So is the jacket.
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123. Now, here is their schedule
and you must follow it
as if they were your children.
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124. - Mm-hm.
- Oh, now—
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125. We don't have to follow this
to verbatim, do we?
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126. I mean, for instance,
look, here, tomorrow night
we have plans.
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127. So, we can just leave them,
pick them up the next night,
right?
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128. Sure, if you want to come home
and find them dead.
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129. Oh, Niles, do you mind
if I talk to you about
something for a second?
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130. What? You want me
to propose to Ms. Babcock
on Jerry Springer,
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131. so, she can say no
and beat me to a pulp?
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132. No. I promised my husband
I would no longer interfere
in your personal affairs.
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133. There will be no more advice
passing through these lips.
Hit it.
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134. - Niles?
- Yes, Ms. Babcock.
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135. Do you wanna know
where you went wrong with me
the other night?
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136. Will you marry me?
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137. See, that was your mistake,
butler boy.
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138. You can't rush into
these sort of things.
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139. - Who do you think I am?
The impetuous, sexy Fran?
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140. You're a small man.
Start small.
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141. Ask me out to dinner first.
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142. Oh, what a fool
I've been.
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143. So, what you're saying is
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144. I should go slow
and ask Ms. Babcock
out to dinner.
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145. How you interpret the play
is entirely up to you.
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146. Thank you.
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147. - You know, you were very good.
- Oh, really?
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148. Yes. I think you should
dust the entire house.
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149. Fran, Ms. Babcock hates Niles.
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150. Why do you think she'd go out
to dinner with him?
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151. Oh, sweetie,
give me a little credit.
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152. You think I'd go through
all the trouble
of writing this play
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153. if I wasn't sure
she'd say yes?
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154. No!
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155. Oh, please, please,
please go out to dinner
with Niles.
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156. Oh, Karen, please, I'm trying
to talk to Ms. Babcock.
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157. - Let me hold her.
- Okay.
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158. - Wow, you're really good
with kids.
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159. Oh!
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160. You know, God forbid,
I'm ever in the hospital
on life support,
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161. don't come visit me.
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162. Come on, Ms. Babcock,
it's just one little
bitty dinner.
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163. What's it gonna hurt you?
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164. Nanny Fine, this is
none of your business.
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165. My love life involves
me and me alone.
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166. Well, if you enjoy that,
wait till you add
another person.
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167. I want a man
who makes my heart pound.
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168. Someone who sweeps me
off my feet.
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169. You're halfway there.
You got a guy that sweeps.
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170. Oh...
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171. Give me one good reason
I should go to dinner
with that man.
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172. Oh, haven't you ever
done anything just because
it's the nice thing to do?
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173. Come on. Come on.
I know you have.
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174. Well, once I gave
a panhandler directions.
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175. - There you go.
- I told him to go to hell.
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176. Val, you should
have seen Niles.
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177. He was so cute,
all dressed up.
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178. He even bought a corsage
for Ms. Babcock.
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179. Sort of reminds me of the night
that I took you to the prom.
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180. Yeah, you looked lovely, Val.
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181. I'll tell you, I'm so nervous,
I can't wait for him to
come home so I can ask him...
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182. what his sponge cake recipe is.
Gotta go. Bye, Val.
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183. Darling, do you have any idea
why Niles is all dressed up
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184. and asked to borrow
my Paco Rabanne?
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185. Don't know. Not involved.
Wanna make love?
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186. Come on.
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187. - Come here, you.
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188. Oh, honey, would you go?
I'm exhausted.
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189. Darling, I am not getting
out of bed to take care
of a couple of dolls.
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190. - Well, what if they were
our real babies?
- Then I'd get them.
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191. So, what are you saying?
You're not gonna get up
and help them
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192. just because they're dolls?
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193. Yes.
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194. I wish you were more wrong,
right now.
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195. Okay, okay.
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196. Oh, I'll tell you,
that Karen is so hyper.
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197. I'm removing her Energizer.
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198. Darling, darling, let me
give you some advice.
I've had children.
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199. - And you cannot go to them
every time they cry.
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200. You have to learn
which one's important
and what cry means what.
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201. Well, this cry means,
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202. "Mommy can't make love
because she's too distracted."
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203. That's an important one.
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204. Thank you, sweetie.
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205. All right, all right.
Daddy's coming.
Daddy's coming.
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206. Oh, and, honey,
don't be concerned
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207. about the little rash
on Frankie's tushy.
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208. I just kept him too close
to the toaster oven.
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209. Honey?
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210. Honey, did you hear me?
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211. Frankie's tushy is— Oh!
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212. Thank you once again.
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213. This was the worst night
of my entire life.
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214. What could be worse
than the other night
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215. when you proposed to her
and she said no?
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216. Tonight,
when I proposed to her
and she said no.
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217. You proposed to her again?
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218. Did you learn nothing
from my play?
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219. Oh, I knew that Brighton
wasn't conveying
the right pathos.
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220. I just don't understand
what went wrong.
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221. We were getting along so well.
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222. We ordered
our chicken piccata,
she said...
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223. "I'm so hungry
I could eat a horse,"
and I said nothing.
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224. You said,
"Will you marry me?"
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225. and she probably
laughed in your face, again.
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226. She did not laugh
in my face.
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227. She said, "Stop asking me,
I won't marry you.
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228. I don't like you,
and call the waiter,
my breasts are dry."
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229. And still, I said nothing.
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230. I can tell you this much.
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231. I can no longer stay
under the same roof
with that woman.
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232. It's just too humiliating.
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233. Now I tried
to take your advice,
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234. I tried to do
what you said to do,
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235. and it just didn't work,
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236. so now I'm gonna
have to quit.
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237. - Quit?
- Oh!
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238. Sweetie, I'm in the mood
to make love now.
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239. - Oh, Fran, these dolls
bring back such memories.
- Mmm.
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240. Remember when I had
a doll like this
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241. - and how much you loved
playing with it?
- Mm-hm.
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242. Then one day
it just disappeared
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243. and then you got one
exactly like it
the next day...
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244. and I was so jealous.
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245. Remember?
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246. - Ah, vaguely.
- Yeah.
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247. Oh, Val, I can't believe
Maxwell is so furious with me.
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248. I mean, this is not
the worst thing
I've ever done.
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249. Why is he so mad at me
this time?
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250. 'Cause he found out
about this one.
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251. - That made all the difference.
Mmm!
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252. - Oh, sweetie.
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253. Ah, look at this.
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254. Brings back memories
of motherhood.
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255. Oh, Ma, what did you do
when me and Nadine
started to cry?
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256. I left the room.
The sound was so annoying.
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257. Fran, I hope it's okay.
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258. - Niles wants to borrow
your suitcase.
- All right.
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259. Oh, my God.
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260. That looks just like the luggage
my mother loaned you, Sylvia.
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261. Remember when you
went to Puerto Vallarta
and the airport lost it?
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262. - Ah, vaguely.
- Yeah.
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263. Oh, Val, how am I gonna get
Niles to stay on?
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264. My husband told me
I have to butt out,
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265. but I can't butt out
until I butt in.
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266. It's a whole
hokey-poky syndrome.
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267. Fran, maybe you should talk
to Ms. Babcock.
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268. She's gotta have
some feelings.
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269. You guys,
listen to this.
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270. I'll have
chicken piccata.
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271. You know, the great thing is
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272. these little tapes fit
on my answering machine.
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273. Oh!
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274. I am never going
to convince her
not to humiliate Niles.
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275. Well, if you're gonna try,
now's your chance.
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276. She's in a really good mood.
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277. Oh, Ms. Babcock, please,
please, apologize to Niles
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278. and promise him that
you won't bring it up again
or rub it in his face.
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279. Um... no.
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280. Nanny Fine, do you remember
when I told you
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281. that I was waiting
for that magic?
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282. For something that just
makes my heart pound?
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283. - Yes.
- Well, I've got it right here.
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284. So, you might as well
just save your breath, sister,
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285. 'cause I am gonna milk this
for everything it's worth.
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286. Oh, C.C., there you are.
Niles.
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287. Now, look here, C.C.,
I refuse to let Niles quit
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288. because of this ridiculous
nonsense
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289. going on between the two of you.
Do you understand?
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290. I want you to talk to him,
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291. I want you to tell him
you're not gonna rub it
in his face and fix it.
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292. Okay.
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293. - Oh, God.
- Niles, get back down here now.
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294. Niles, I'm sorry
this whole thing happened.
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295. Let's just put the past
in the past.
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296. So you proposed to me
four times.
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297. - Four?
- Four?
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298. Forget it.
I've been humiliated enough.
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299. C.C. C.C.?
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300. Niles, I'm trying to say
something nice.
Help me, Nanny Fine.
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301. What she's trying
to say is that
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302. she knows she'd be
damn lucky to have you but...
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303. she's a lesbian.
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304. I am not.
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305. Look, what happened
happened,
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306. but it's just between
the four of us.
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307. Nobody else
ever has to know.
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308. I promise I will never
tell another soul.
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309. Will you marry me?
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310. I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
I pressed it by accident.
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311. That's it.
I am out of here.
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312. She is never going to
let this go.
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313. An elephant never forgets.
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314. Oh, please, you used
that pathetic line on me
three years ago.
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315. See?
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316. Maxwell, I cannot do this.
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317. Niles, I'm sorry
you're quitting,
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318. but I'm sure you have
a career to fall back on.
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319. You know, in case this dream
didn't pan out.
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320. Well, whatever I have to
fall back on isn't half as big
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321. as what you have to
fall back on.
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322. I don't think this is going
very well.
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323. No. No, honey,
this is going great.
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324. This is their natural habitat.
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325. We're the strangers.
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326. Just don't use a flash.
It startles them.
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327. They could charge.
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328. Me marry you? Please!
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329. You are a pathetic
excuse for a man.
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330. Ditto!
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331. But at least I know
when it's time to move on.
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332. You are going to spend
the rest of your life
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333. pining for a man
who doesn't love you
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334. and who's married a woman
half your age.
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335. Oh, Niles, please don't go.
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336. Look around you.
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337. They're married.
They're starting a family.
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338. Where are you going to be
10-20 years from now?
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339. You're going to be saying
Merry Christmas
to your friends in rehab
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340. and wondering
what might have been.
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341. I'll be leaving first thing
in the morning, sir.
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342. Oh, my God, he's right.
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343. The best years of my life
are gone.
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344. And they sucked.
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345. I have always stayed too long
at the fair.
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346. Well, not this time.
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347. I have to move on.
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348. Maxwell, my resignation
will be on your desk
in the morning.
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349. You see what happens
when you interfere?
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350. They're in here,
aren't they?
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351. No.
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352. Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry.
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353. It's just that
they were upset
about Niles.
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354. You know, they sense things.
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355. They're rubber,
and their butts are stamped
"Made in Taiwan."
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356. What can they sense?
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357. That their daddy
doesn't love them.
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358. Me?
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359. You're the one
who almost melted Frankie
on the toaster oven.
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360. Well, I was trying
to make you a pita pocket.
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361. I need Niles.
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362. Darling, I know
he's your best friend.
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363. I know how you feel
about him.
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364. I know it must be hard for you
to see Ms. Babcock go
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365. seeing as you both
were romantically involved.
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366. We were not.
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367. Just checking.
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368. I don't know,
maybe this is the best thing
for both of them.
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369. I mean, you and I, we made
a huge change in our life.
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370. Maybe they deserve
to do the same.
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371. Oh, I know you're right.
I'm being selfish.
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372. I mean, there are so many things
a man like Niles
can do out there.
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373. Can you think of any?
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374. C.C. will be all right.
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375. I mean, she could find
a position in any organization
that needs a...
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376. they...
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377. - We have to stop them.
- Oh.
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378. The first thing
that we're gonna do
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379. is tell Niles how much
we love and value him.
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380. And then, we're gonna
let him know
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381. that he is an important member
of our family.
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382. What floor is his room on?
The first or the second?
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383. Oh, I'll follow you.
I'll follow you.
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384. You know...
he's a very heavy sleeper.
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385. Sometimes 3:00, 4:00 a.m.
in the morning I'll ring him up
for a diet soda,
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386. I get no answer.
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387. Hi, Yetta.
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388. Hello.
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389. You want me
to make you something to eat?
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390. You cook?
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