1. All right now.
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2. Oh, "What to expect
in your eighth month.
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3. Indigestion, heartburn,
bloating,
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4. flatulence, nasal congestion."
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5. Oh, well, according to this,
my entire family is pregnant.
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6. You know, the worst part
about your pregnancy is going
to be the mood swings.
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7. - Oh.
- I can get very testy.
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8. Oh, I'll get it.
I'll get it, sweetie.
It's okay.
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9. Oh, look who this is.
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10. Aunt Freida.
What a surprise.
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11. - Hi, Aunt Freida.
What are you doing here?
- Hi.
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12. - I came by to drop off
your wedding present.
- Oh.
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13. Since I was not invited
to your nuptials.
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14. Or ensuing festivities.
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15. Oh, Freida,
we sent you an invitation.
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16. That said,
"You are invited to attend
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17. but forbidden
to sing, Freida."
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18. Well, Ma did want
to personalize
the invitations.
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19. I knew it was all her doing.
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20. She's jealous.
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21. She's jealous
of my singing talent
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22. and of my successful
business investments.
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23. What business investments,
Freida?
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24. You married a billionaire
who dropped dead
two days later.
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25. All right, so a little luck
was involved.
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26. The point is that Sylvia
has hurt me deeply.
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27. Aw.
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28. But I'm not gonna
take this out on you.
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29. Oh, Frannie!
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30. You! This SOB bought
our apartment building
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31. and threw your father
and me out.
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32. However, your mother
is going to pay!
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33. You are horrible, Freida.
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34. We are never gonna have you
up to our house again.
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35. What house?
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36. Your father and I are
practically homeless.
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37. We have to sell everything.
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38. Do you know anyone
who wants to buy
a 40-year-old couch
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39. which, thanks to
plastic slipcovers,
is like brand-new.
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40. Oh, Ma, Ma.
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41. You're not gonna be homeless.
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42. Me and Max will
take care of everything.
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43. We figured that.
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44. Morty!
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45. Where do you want me
to put this?
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46. Upstairs,
near the bay window.
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47. Oh, Niles, how am I ever
going to tell Maxwell...
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48. that my parents
are staying here?
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49. Quickly and
without the negligee.
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50. Maybe I shouldn't
tell him at all.
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51. How long do you think
it'll be before he notices?
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52. Well, not long.
He'll see her here
for breakfast,
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53. he'll see her here for lunch,
he'll see her here for dinner.
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54. So I'm figuring
I got at least six months.
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55. Oh, darling,
don't you look beautiful.
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56. Mmm, and that perfume.
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57. Oh, I haven't smelled
that perfume
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58. since the last time
you did something wrong.
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59. What did you do?
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60. Nothing.
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61. Can't a wife just put
something on sexy
to entice her husband...
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62. when her parents
are moving in?
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63. - What, darling?
- I said, can't a wife
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64. just say over and over again
how much she loves
her husband...
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65. when her parents
are moving in?
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66. What do you keep mumbling
into my neck?
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67. Okay, all right,
I'll tell you.
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68. But while I'm telling you,
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69. would you please,
just focus on the negligee.
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70. Freida bought Mom and Dad's
building and threw them out
of their apartment.
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71. Oh, darling, that's terrible.
Oh, I wish I had known.
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72. Well, we have to help them.
What are they gonna do?
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73. Oh, don't worry.
They already found
a new beautiful place to stay.
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74. Well, that's good. Nearby?
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75. Walking distance.
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76. Do you use all your closets
in here?
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77. No.
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78. Focus on the negligee.
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79. Well, I have to
call the agency.
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80. None of these models
they submitted are right
for our poster.
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81. You know, sir,
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82. if you need an attractive,
photogenic man on camera,
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83. - I can pass for—
- Hume Cronyn?
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84. Niles,
thank you for your offer
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85. but this poster really has
to sell our new show.
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86. We need someone virile,
someone who exudes masculinity.
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87. Oh, well,
then there's your man.
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88. - Hi, Daddy.
- Hi, sweetheart.
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89. Have you found your virile,
masculine model yet?
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90. Not yet, no.
We shoot tomorrow.
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91. Oh. Well, maybe Michael
will know someone.
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92. Honey?
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93. How you doing? What's up?
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94. Margaret.
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95. Maxwell, let me handle this.
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96. You're hired.
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97. The job pays $5000.
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98. Sorry, Hume.
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99. Well, I don't care.
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100. All those models live
hand-to-mouth.
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101. At least I have skills
to fall back on.
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102. Morning, Ma.
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103. Good morning, darling.
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104. Oh, I'm so happy
that you're going to be here
all the time.
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105. I forgot what it's like
living with my mommy.
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106. Mmm.
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107. Darling, don't you think
your rouge is
a little orangey.
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108. I'm remembering.
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109. What's the matter?
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110. Sweetheart,
have you considered bangs?
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111. Why?
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112. They took 10 years
off your sister's face.
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113. Ma, it was the eye lift
that took 10 years off.
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114. The bangs just
covered up the scars.
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115. So...
Have I told you how glad I am
that you're here?
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116. Of course you are.
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117. Otherwise, you would be up
at the crack of dawn
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118. making blintzes
for your husband.
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119. Little Miss Sleep Till 10:30.
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120. So have I told you how glad I am
that you're here?
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121. Darling, rush and bring these
to your husband.
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122. Tell him you made them.
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123. I don't need the credit.
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124. Ma, you're doing
that thing again.
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125. - What thing?
- You know, that thing
that caused me
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126. to weigh 140 pounds
in fifth grade.
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127. Darling, I don't mean
to criticize
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128. but that man
that you married
is a prince.
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129. You should wait on him
hand and foot.
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130. He's a big step up
from anything we thought
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131. you would wind up with.
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132. Oh, good, more blintzes.
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133. - They're delicious.
- Thank you, darling.
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134. Fran made them.
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135. What's the matter?
You look so tense.
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136. Oh, no, I just got
a slight headache.
That's all.
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137. Oy, let Mamala
take care of that.
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138. No, really, it's fine.
Really, it's...
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139. Ooh, that does feel good.
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140. Oy, you have beautiful hair.
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141. Morty had gorgeous hair
like this.
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142. Till he lost it
at the Pirates of the Caribbean.
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143. Whoosh!
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144. Hey, Fran,
about your mother?
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145. What? I said I was glad
she's here!
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146. Yeah, I can see that.
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147. Oh, your father was right.
Your father was right.
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148. Oh, this was a big mistake.
I've already had three muffins,
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149. a box of cereal,
and about 16 puddings,
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150. and I've only been with her
20 minutes today.
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151. Hey, Fran,
what does it mean
when your mother says
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152. she likes your sweater
but on somebody else?
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153. It means I gotta get her
out of this house.
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154. You know, it'll be fine.
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155. It's all for the best
because I'll be happy.
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156. And you know what?
Your father will
be even happier.
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157. Because he wants her out
even more than I do.
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158. Honey?
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159. Oh, where's Max?
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160. Your mother took him to Sears
to have his portrait taken.
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161. Boy, are they getting clingy.
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162. You know, I didn't realize
when I married Max
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163. that I was marrying
my whole family too.
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164. You know,
I know Mr. Sheffield thinks
that I'm too old
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165. for the poster
for his new show,
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166. but perhaps
if he saw me in print.
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167. This is your
high school photo.
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168. I know, but I could
look like that again
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169. if the lights were
in the perfect position.
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170. Off?
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171. Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie.
I'm just lashing out.
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172. It's Ma.
She has got to go.
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173. Well, why don't you
just tell her that you think
it's time for her to leave?
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174. How can I bust up
Harold and Maude?
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175. I don't understand
what happened
all of a sudden.
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176. Why is he so attached to her?
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177. You met his mother.
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178. You saw how
she paid him no attention
at the wedding.
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179. - She wasn't even there.
- Hello.
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180. Don't you see?
He's never been pampered before.
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181. Do you know that
when he was a child
and cried,
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182. his mother left him
out in the garden
until he stopped?
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183. Oh, that's horrible.
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184. Yes, and you wonder
why he clings to Sylvia.
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185. The poor man is starved
for nurturing and affection.
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186. And I can only go so far.
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187. Oh, my poor Maxwell.
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188. And here I was too lazy
to get out of bed
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189. and make him a lousy blintz
this morning.
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190. Well, that's all gonna change.
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191. From here on in,
I am going to give him
everything
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192. that he was deprived of
as a child.
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193. Love, warmth, comfort.
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194. But first, I'm gonna
make up for him
being bottle-fed.
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195. Oh, God.
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196. Did Niles die?
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197. Honey, can't a wife
order some lunch
from a deli
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198. and pretend she made it
for her husband
without a big to-do?
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199. I'm just trying
to pamper your father.
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200. Well, then why didn't you make
the food yourself?
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201. Well, because I'm too young
to be a widow.
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202. Oh, he is going
to be so excited
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203. when I show up
at Michael's photo shoot
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204. with this great
special picnic basket.
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205. Fran, these blintzes
are delicious. You have
to give me the recipe.
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206. Val, I already told you
that I'm pretending to make it.
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207. Well, let me tell you
something, girl.
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208. They taste real.
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209. Niles, hurry up!
I'm ready to go
to Michael's photo shoot.
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210. Sweetie, cut the price tag off
of this afghan
that I knitted your father.
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211. Yo.
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212. Niles, Michael was the one
that got the modeling job.
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213. Yes, I know, but when
Carol Haney got sick
in The Pajama Game,
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214. Shirley MacLaine went on
in her place and became a star.
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215. Yeah, you know,
it's trivia like that
that really works
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216. against this whole
machismo thing
that you're going after.
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217. All right. Thank you.
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218. - Wish me luck.
- Good luck.
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219. Come on then, people.
Let's see smiling.
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220. Think fun, think passion.
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221. Think paychecks.
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222. You know,
Michael's working out
very well, Margaret.
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223. I'm glad we hired him.
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224. Yeah, but don't you think
he would look better
without those girls?
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225. - Uh, which ones?
- All of them.
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226. Oh, darling,
don't get jealous.
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227. It's just work.
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228. Fire them, Daddy.
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229. When's lunch?
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230. Darling, you just had an Altoid.
You can't eat again
until Tuesday.
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231. Oh, Kaitlin,
how many times
do I have to tell you
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232. I'm a married man?
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233. I'll tell Kaitlin,
and then I'll kill her.
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234. Oh, Fran, darling,
what are you doing here?
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235. Oh, sweetie.
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236. I just wanted to pop in
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237. and see if you're okay
and tell you
how much I love you
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238. and make sure
you're warm and comfortable.
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239. Oh, that's very sweet
of you, darling,
but I'm really very busy.
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240. Haven't had a chance to stop.
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241. Do I smell
your mother's
kugel mit raisins?
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242. Oh, now,
Ma's not the only one
that can cook.
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243. I made this myself.
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244. Now, come sit down
and let me pamper you.
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245. - Mmm.
- Fran, why are
you doing this?
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246. Because you were left out
in the garden.
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247. Darling, I know that
makes sense in here,
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248. but I'm out here.
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249. Oh, sweetie,
I love you so much.
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250. I just wanna fuss over you
like Ma does.
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251. Yeah, but if
I wanted someone
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252. to cook and clean
and fuss over me,
I'd have married Niles.
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253. Oh, and you didn't think
this look worked for me.
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254. Come. Come on, darling.
I have a lot of work
to do here,
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255. so why don't
I just finish up
and you go home,
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256. light some candles,
and get the Jacuzzi
ready for us, hmm?
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257. Oh, sweetie, I'd love to,
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258. but, you know,
Mom and Dad booked
the Jacuzzi for tonight.
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259. What do you mean booked?
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260. They made up a schedule.
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261. Find that pretty irritating,
don't you?
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262. No, no, I...
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263. I enjoy having
your mother around.
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264. She's a lot of fun.
She makes...
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265. She makes— Well, all right,
maybe your parents
do have a few quirks.
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266. and sometimes I do find it
a little annoying that
I can't use my own Jacuzzi,
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267. my own golf clubs,
my own limo.
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268. - Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
- But...
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269. You see, you want people
living in your house,
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270. then you're not gonna
always get the stuff that
you want when you want it.
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271. Remember when you wanted me
and Ma came walking in
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272. with The Godfather,
one, two and three?
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273. Let's just say
for our own sake,
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274. I agree with you,
there's nothing
we can do about it.
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275. Freida kicked your mother out
and that's that.
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276. Yeah.
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277. Unless we could figure out
a way to get Freida
to sing at our wedding.
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278. What?
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279. Honey, you know that camcorder
that we keep in our bedroom?
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280. - Yeah.
- Well, I just figured out
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281. a whole new way to use it.
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282. Love you.
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283. - Did you okay this concept?
- Hmm?
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284. Hurry up, Ma!
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285. The Good Humor man is here.
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286. I want toasted almond.
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287. That's not Ricky,
that's Freida.
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288. Oops! My mistake.
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289. - Syl.
- Free.
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290. Oh, well, this is off
to a good start.
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291. We're on half-name basis.
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292. Ma, we were very insensitive
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293. to Aunt Freida's feelings
when we told her
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294. - that she couldn't sing
at the wedding.
- I was very hurt.
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295. And I'm not talking to you.
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296. You know I have
that exact skirt
in blue.
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297. They make it in blue?
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298. Well, teal,
but mine has
Western stitching.
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299. Ah. I don't look too good
in that Hee-Haw look.
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300. No, you could carry it.
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301. This is how
you say "I'm sorry"
in Jewish.
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302. I'm still not talking to her.
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303. But if you see one in teal,
pick me up one.
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304. All right.
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305. Since Freida wasn't
at the wedding,
I thought it would be nice
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306. if we all watched
the wedding video together.
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307. Honey, why don't
you turn it on
and we'll see it.
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308. She looks so beautiful.
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309. What the hell is this?
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310. That's your ticket home, Ma.
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311. Listen, I don't wanna say
anything,
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312. but could this chicken
be drier?
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313. I'll take the dry chicken
over the fishy salmon.
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314. Mmm. Mmm.
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315. I don't know about you, girls,
but my sea bass is delicious!
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316. "Hey, why doesn't
Aunt Freida sing? She's
better than Lisa Minnelli."
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317. - Liza. Liza Minnelli.
- Liza Minnelli.
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318. I'll have you know,
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319. Freida's the best singer
in the world
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320. and anyone who disagrees
can settle it with me!
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321. Oh, I have a little request
from my darling Sylvala
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322. who's always been
like an older sister to me.
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323. Hit it.
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324. Thank you.
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325. - My God, Freida,
that was beautiful.
- Thank you.
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326. Unfortunately,
you can't stop after one number.
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327. There's a Gershwin medley,
a salute to Kander and Ebb—
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328. Oh, Ma, would you just say
"I'm sorry" to Freida?
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329. Does the teal skirt come
with a matching jacket?
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330. I think so,
but I can't promise
that it has Western stitching.
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331. Well, darling, you know,
I have to admit,
I'm gonna miss your mother
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332. when she leaves.
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333. Love, warmth, comfort.
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334. But first, I'm gonna make up
for him being breast-fed.
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335. Love, warmth, support.
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336. But first I'm gonna make up
for him being breast—
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337. Love, warmth, comfort.
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338. But first, I'm gonna make up
for him being bottle-fed.
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