1. Oh, B, remember,
tonight's Hanukkah,
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2. so I want you home early
for dinner
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3. because we're gonna play
spin the dreidel with Sammy,
Yetta and Ma.
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4. Yeah, I'll take
Worst Ideas in the World
for 500, please, Alex.
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5. Franny, can I help you
with anything?
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6. If you can get me
more paper towels,
I'd appreciate it.
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7. They make them in paper now?
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8. Yetta, why don't you just play
with your chocolate dreidel?
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9. I'm right here, baby.
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10. Yeah, yeah.
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11. Oh, Fran?
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12. Yes, my darling.
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13. - Explain something
to me, please.
- What?
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14. Uh, why do
all the Jewish holidays
start at sundown?
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15. Oh, well, that's because
God realized
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16. that before 5:00,
to wear sequins is gauche.
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17. Look, everyone,
Mr. Sheffield's sister came
from England
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18. to stay with us
without any notice whatsoever.
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19. How happy am I?
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20. Oh, Jocelyn,
it's so good to see you.
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21. Ditto.
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22. And congratulations
on the baby.
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23. We were all so excited to hear
you're expecting a child.
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24. - You were?
- Well, it explained the wedding.
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25. Okay.
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26. You remember my grandmother
and her boyfriend?
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27. They sat next to you
at the engagement party.
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28. You choked on a chicken bone,
and he saved your life.
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29. Gave you a bottle of Scotch
to calm your nerves.
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30. Sammy!
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31. How are you?
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32. So, what are you doing here?
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33. Well, I flew in
to surprise this man I've met.
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34. Listen to this.
He's 36, fabulous taste,
and has a stunning apartment
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35. which he did by himself.
Do you realize what that means?
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36. He likes Barbra Streisand
and James Brolin?
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37. No, I finally met my equal.
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38. Why don't you and Max join us
for drinks tonight at Nello's.
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39. Oh, no, we couldn't
possibly leave tonight.
It's the first night of Hanukkah
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40. and the first night
that we're going to
spend it as a family.
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41. Max knows
how important it is to me.
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42. Well, I'm off to Boston.
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43. Ooh, I hope that wasn't Max.
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44. You're going to Boston?
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45. Honey, are you forgetting
what tonight is?
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46. Maybe I'll give you a hint.
The first letter is, "Ha."
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47. Sorry, darling,
what's the second letter?
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48. Naka?
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49. Oh, it's Hanukkah.
I'm sorry, sweetheart.
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50. Well, we'll celebrate it
tomorrow.
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51. There are eight nights
of Hanukkah aren't there?
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52. The first night
is the most important.
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53. Don't you wanna
make your wife happy?
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54. Of course I do.
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55. I'm sorry, darling,
but there's a new
musical workshop in Boston.
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56. If I wanna have a crack at it,
I've gotta get up there.
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57. Well, why didn't you tell me
about this sooner?
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58. Well, I did.
Last Wednesday.
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59. You were watching
Chicago Hope.
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60. Sweetie, don't tell me stuff
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61. when I'm in the middle
of a cross-gender surgery.
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62. How can you go away like this
and not tell me?
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63. We've always been
bitter together
on the holidays.
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64. If you think of anything nasty
and hurtful,
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65. leave it on my machine.
I'll check in.
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66. Remember,
when you're in Boston,
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67. keep a scarf wrapped
around your neck.
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68. It's not that cold.
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69. No, but it's that old.
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70. Hate you.
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71. Hate you more.
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72. Darling, you know I'd rather
be here with you,
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73. but business is business.
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74. Come here, come on.
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75. Mmm, love you.
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76. Well, at least I'll be able
to enjoy the tradition
with our children.
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77. Ready to go to Boston, Daddy.
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78. She's going?
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79. Well, darling, the school
Grace wants to attend
during her summer session
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80. is just outside Boston.
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81. I thought
while we're there, we'd...
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82. Well, anyway, I explained
all this to you
the other night
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83. when we went
for Chinese food.
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84. Sweetie, don't be
telling me stuff
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85. when I'm making
a moo-she pancake.
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86. Nobody's going anywhere!
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87. Well, thank you.
It's nice to see someone else
is as upset as I am.
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88. Yeah, I'm upset.
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89. This is my favorite sweater.
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90. Oh, well, come on.
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91. I'll walk you out to the car.
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92. Bye.
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93. Bye.
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94. Wait.
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95. Bye, kiddo.
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96. I can't believe
it's the first night
of Hanukkah
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97. and Max isn't even here.
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98. Darling, you know
your problem?
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99. You don't know how
to keep your man at home.
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100. Ma, I can't even figure out
how to keep you at home.
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101. What's the big deal?
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102. My husband never showed up
at Hanukkah for 30 years.
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103. I still got latkes
leftover in the freezer.
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104. - He's dead, Yetta.
- He's dead, Yetta.
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105. He's dead? Thank God.
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106. I thought it was my cooking.
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107. Well, he's gotta know
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108. that I wanna
continue the traditions
that I was raised with.
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109. You know how important Hanukkah
has always been to me.
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110. I always loved
that holiday as a kid.
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111. Ma, why can't we have
a Christmas tree?
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112. Because, my darling,
we are of the Jewish faith.
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113. And as Jewish people,
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114. we celebrate Hanukkah.
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115. It's so boring
compared to Christmas.
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116. Like, why don't we have
a Hanukkah parade?
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117. Oy, after all that walking
we did in the desert
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118. we like to sit
on the holiday.
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119. Preferably by a pool
in Miami Beach.
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120. Hi, Ma.
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121. Don't touch the latkes.
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122. They're for Grandpa.
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123. I can't believe
we're not gonna be
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124. with the whole family
for Hanukkah.
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125. Honey, that's your present.
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126. Well, that is going
to change.
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127. That's why
I wanted Max here.
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128. I want to start
a Hanukkah tradition
with my new family.
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129. I hear there's
a new Radisson in Boca.
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130. Jocelyn, what are you
doing back here?
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131. I thought
you were having drinks
with your boyfriend.
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132. No, it's over.
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133. I found out he's married,
has three children
and a mistress.
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134. - I'm crushed.
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135. This is you crushed?
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136. Oh, yes.
I'm utterly destroyed.
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137. I apologize
for making such a scene.
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138. Oy, that's the British
for you.
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139. They show no emotion.
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140. Whoo-hoo!
Brand-new bottle of Scotch!
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141. Oh, Maxwell,
this is ridiculous.
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142. We're never gonna
find this school.
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143. Just get back
on the highway.
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144. C.C., why are you
in such a bad mood?
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145. Well, the holiday season
is approaching,
I'm alone like a dog.
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146. I'm riding to Boston with a kid
who turned around to tell me
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147. she's going to throw up
and then did.
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148. Ho freaking ho.
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149. Miss Babcock,
you know what I think
your problem is?
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150. You miss Niles.
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151. - Do not.
- So do.
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152. - Do not!
- So do.
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153. Oh, please,
will you two just stop it?
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154. Daddy, you know what I think
your problem is?
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155. You feel guilty about
leaving Fran on Hanukkah.
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156. - I do not.
- So do.
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157. - Do not!
- So do.
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158. Do not— Gracie!
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159. Look, Fran said
she understood.
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160. This is business
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161. and sometimes
business has to come first.
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162. Father.
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163. You know
what's my favorite thing
about Christmas is?
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164. Having the family all together.
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165. Uh, what's your second
favorite thing?
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166. Spending time
with you, Father.
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167. Say you had a third choice.
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168. You're not going to be here
for Christmas, are you, Father?
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169. Well, now it's just
a holiday, son.
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170. And business is business.
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171. You do understand,
don't you?
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172. Yes, sir.
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173. Well, why don't you go play
with that butler's son?
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174. Niles?
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175. After all, he is going to be
your butler one day.
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176. I will not be a butler.
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177. I'm going to be a barrister,
with my own estate
and my own staff.
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178. Oh, a barrister.
That's good, that's good.
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179. I'm sorry, sweetheart.
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180. - I think I'd like to go home.
- What?
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181. See if you can get hold of Fran
on the cell phone, would you?
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182. Oh, Miss Babcock,
can you do it?
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183. That egg cream
isn't sitting right.
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184. Turn around
and open the damn window.
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185. Would you like some rugelach?
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186. No, I'm too depressed
for sweet.
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187. It's Hanukkah
and Max isn't here.
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188. Then should I take it back
to the kitchen?
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189. No, put it down.
I might have a mood swing.
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190. Keep them by you.
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191. I lost 30 pounds.
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192. Oh, Sylvia, I envy you.
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193. I'd love to lose more weight,
but nothing seems
to kill my appetite.
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194. Do what I did.
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195. I just looked
at myself stark naked—
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196. Thank you.
That killed it.
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197. You know, I've been trying
to lose weight too.
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198. I've been on that
two-shakes-a-day diet.
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199. Oh. Aren't those shakes
very expensive?
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200. No, they come
with the Happy Meal.
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201. Oh, why hasn't Max
called me?
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202. Maybe I was
too rough on him.
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203. Maybe I just
should have been
more understanding.
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204. Will you stop?
Be strong.
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205. Ma, I love him.
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206. I'm talking to myself.
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207. The rugelach is
looking very buttery.
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208. - Hello? Hello?
Darling—
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209. Oh, it's Max.
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210. Darling,
I had to call.
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211. - I just want you to know—
- What? What? What?
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212. Darling, I'm sorry.
We're breaking up.
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213. Honey, you do mean
the phone reception, don't you?
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214. I can't hear you.
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215. I said you do mean
the phone—
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216. - Max?
Oh, my God!
Hold on, Grace!
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217. - Max! Max!
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218. Oh, my God.
Hello? Hello?
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219. I think they just crashed!
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220. Oh, Niles.
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221. The state police are saying
that the blizzard is so bad
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222. that the tracks
from Maxwell's car
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223. is probably covered over
with snow by now.
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224. Now you listen to me,
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225. there are three people
I love very much in that car.
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226. Well, two people I love,
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227. and one with whom I have
a very complicated relationship.
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228. Now you get out there
and you find them!
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229. What if they don't? I'm scared.
What if something happens
to them?
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230. I don't think I can deal with—
You know, everything's
gonna be fine, kids.
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231. Yes, I just spoke
to the state police,
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232. and they said
they're looking for them
and not to worry.
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233. Fran,
why didn't I let Gracie
take my sweater?
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234. - Oh, baby.
- It's just a stupid sweater.
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235. Please don't worry.
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236. They said that
they're gonna find them.
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237. Yeah, but how?
They don't even know
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238. where the car
went off the road.
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239. Sweetie, it's Hanukkah.
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240. Don't you know
what this holiday
is all about?
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241. After a war, my people
only had enough oil
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242. to light the temple lamp
for one night.
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243. But miraculously,
it lasted for eight.
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244. Okay, Fran, I have no idea
why you just told me that.
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245. Because, sweetie,
it's a night about miracles.
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246. Now, listen to me, you kids.
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247. Go into the kitchen.
Niles made some
delicious vegetable soup.
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248. I want you to eat it.
It'll make you feel
much better.
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249. Everything is gonna be fine.
I promise you.
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250. They're gonna die!
They're gonna die!
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251. What if they don't find them
until morning?
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252. - What if they freeze to death?
- They'll be fine.
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253. You know, if there's
too much alcohol
in your blood,
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254. the cold can
kill you even faster.
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255. Miss Babcock!
- Miss Babcock!
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256. You all right, darling?
- I'm fine.
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257. He was talking to me.
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258. I didn't hear a name.
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259. All right, so everyone
just keep calm.
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260. I'll try the cell phone
one more time.
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261. Oh, it's dead.
It's still dead.
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262. Well, we've got
to do something
to keep warm.
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263. Maxwell, you come back here
with me.
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264. Grace, you go outside
and play.
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265. C.C., it's a blizzard
out there.
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266. Blizzard, winter wonderland.
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267. All right, look, we have...
we have about an eighth
of a tank of gas.
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268. That's enough
to keep the engine running
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269. and the heater on
for about an hour.
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270. That should be plenty of time
for the authorities to find us.
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271. What if the hour goes by
and they don't?
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272. I'll never experience
the sweet touch
of my beautiful Ni—
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273. Everybody.
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274. Sweetie, why don't
you come inside?
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275. You're gonna get so sick.
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276. Oh, I can't sit in there
anymore. I'm going crazy.
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277. Why haven't
they found them yet?
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278. It's been hours
and hours and hours.
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279. Everything's gonna
be all right.
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280. You just gotta
think positive.
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281. Oh, I know.
I have so much
to be grateful for.
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282. - I had a beautiful wedding.
- Yeah.
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283. Baby on the way.
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284. Kenny Rogers Roasters just
opened up around the corner.
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285. It's the first night
of Hanukkah.
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286. Please, can't we have
one more miracle?
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287. - Excuse me?
- Oh, my God.
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288. Oh, he must have gotten confused
because of my new last name.
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289. I'm so sorry to bother you,
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290. but I've been visiting next door
and someone has blocked me in.
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291. Oh, that must be Val's car.
Val, you're blocking the nun.
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292. Oh, Sister,
please forgive me.
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293. All the other girls
were doing it.
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294. Val! Val, you're not 28
and in school anymore.
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295. Just go move the car.
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296. Oh, I'm so sorry, Sister.
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297. We're all a little bit
on edge here because—
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298. Well, my husband
and my daughter
were in a car crash
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299. and the state police
can't find them.
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300. Oh, my dear.
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301. Oh, Sister, I'm so scared.
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302. I'm sorry.
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303. - I don't even know your name.
- Sister.
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304. Sister Sister?
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305. Perhaps it would
help you to talk.
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306. Some people
find it a relief to—
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307. Well, I really wanted
my husband to be here
for the first night of Hanukkah
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308. because it's
really important to me,
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309. like Christmas
is important to him.
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310. You see, I married
one of yours.
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311. Why don't we pray together?
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312. But I'm Jewish, Sister.
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313. Will your prayers work for me?
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314. Of course they will.
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315. - Let's close our eyes and pray.
- Okay.
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316. Oh, dear God.
Please, please,
I beg of you!
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317. A silent prayer, dear.
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318. Darling?
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319. Oh, my God!
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320. What have you got? Sprint?
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321. - Oh, sweetie. Oh, sweetie.
- Darling.
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322. Oh, I love you.
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323. Oh, I can't believe this.
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324. - Oh, I'm so happy you're okay.
- Yeah, we're fine.
We're just fine.
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325. I didn't know whether you were
dead or alive or freezing.
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326. That's the amazing thing.
I thought we had enough gas
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327. to keep the engine going
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328. and the heater on
for about an hour,
but it lasted for eight.
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329. Oh, that's like Hanukkah.
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330. The oil lasted
for eight days.
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331. We both had
a miracle tonight.
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332. You guys showed up
just at the very moment
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333. that I was praying
with this sister.
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334. Oh, thank you.
Thank you so much.
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335. Oh, thank God.
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336. Oh, you're safe and sound.
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337. Oh, I gotta tell Morty.
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338. Niles, get my coat.
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339. I'm going home!
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340. Another miracle!
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341. Oh, thank you.
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342. Oh, that was beautiful,
darling.
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343. I know that
it's the second night
of Hanukkah,
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344. but honestly, this is the best
first night I've ever had.
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345. Yeah, baby.
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346. Isn't this smashing?
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347. This is going to be my house
and she is going to be my wife.
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348. And I am going to be
a big Broadway producer.
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349. And check me out.
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350. I'm married to a gorgeous man,
pregnant,
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351. and I still look
damn good for 29.
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352. And where are you?
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353. Well, obviously,
I'm in court.
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354. I became a successful
barrister. Remember?
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355. Niles!
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356. What?
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357. Oh, good God.
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358. I'm so depressed.
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359. 'Night, all.
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360. Ooh. Who's that?
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