1. Maxwell, I have found the perfect subject
for our one-person play.
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2. Your sex life.
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3. Niles, I didn't recognize you.
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4. Wait. Stand in Maxwell's shadow.
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5. C.C., I've told you, I'm really not very
keen on the idea of a one-person show.
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6. Maxwell, come on. It's a sure thing.
It's cheap, it's easy—
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7. And still he won't ask me out
on a second date.
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8. Would you change your mind if the star
of this show were Chevy Chase?
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9. Oh my God, I love Chevy Chase.
I have seen every one of his movies.
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10. Vacation, European Vacation,
Vegas Vacation.
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11. He is very versatile.
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12. Well, it's certainly true.
He's very popular.
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13. All right, C.C., tell you what,
why don't you run with it?
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14. Great! He's playing in Atlantic City
this weekend.
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15. I'll set up a meeting for us.
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16. I love Atlantic City!
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17. You know, Ma just gave me a coupon,
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18. you can get a complete prime rib dinner
for 17 cents.
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19. Seventeen cents?
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20. Well, it comes with a fine Chablis.
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21. - Nanny Fine.
- Yeah?
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22. Why don't you fry up a Sizzlean
and whip out the Monopoly game
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23. 'cause that's as close to the Boardwalk
as you're getting.
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24. Miss Fine, what Miss Babcock is trying
to tell you, in her own delicate way,
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25. is that this is her strictly
a business trip.
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26. Yep.
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27. That's fine. I've got a date
Saturday night, anyway.
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28. A date?
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29. Yeah. He's a very nice looking guy.
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30. No gray hair, so...
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31. I just realized, of course,
you're gonna have to come to Atlantic City
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32. to take care of the children.
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33. Maxwell, this is my project.
I am in charge.
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34. And there aren't gonna be any children
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35. and there's certainly not gonna be
any butler.
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36. - Well, I want the children to come.
- Okay.
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37. - And I'll need a butler.
- Fabulous.
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38. Good.
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39. It's all settled then.
Niles, you make the arrangements.
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40. Ms. Fine, you'll have to cancel that date.
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41. Fine.
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42. Hello, George Clooney?
Yeah, Saturday's off.
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43. She was working in a bridal shop
In Flushing, Queens
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44. 'Til her boyfriend kicked her out
In one of those crushing scenes
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45. What was she to do, where was she to go?
She was out on her fanny
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46. So, over the bridge from Flushing
To the Sheffields' door
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47. She was there to sell makeup
But the father saw more
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48. She had style, she had flair
She was there
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49. That's how she became the Nanny
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50. Who would have guessed
That the girl we described
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51. Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed?
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52. - Now the father finds her beguiling
- Watch out, C.C.
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53. - And the kids are actually smiling
- Such joie de vivre!
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54. She's the lady in red
When everybody else is wearing tan
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55. The flashy girl from Flushing
The Nanny named Fran
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56. Welcome to Trump's Taj Mahal Resort
and Casino.
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57. Would you look at all this glitz.
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58. Stunning.
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59. May I have your last name, sir?
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60. Good luck,
I've been waiting five years for it.
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61. Now, that's a real woman.
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62. Not the parts you're looking at, honey.
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63. So are you here for the casino
or for the shows?
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64. Actually, I'm here to take care
of the children. That's my job.
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65. Why the sour puss?
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66. You're in a hotel, full of drunken men.
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67. Who've been up gambling for 72 hours.
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68. You could get lucky.
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69. You think?
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70. Anyway, when I go home tonight,
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71. and I'm relaxing and lying in my Jacuzzi,
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72. testing some wines with my wife, Marv,
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73. I will be thanking the Lord
that none of you know where I live.
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74. Thank you and good night. Thank you.
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75. How is he hysterical.
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76. I'm so sorry that Niles is missing this.
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77. Where is Niles, anyway?
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78. He said he didn't feel well.
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79. He went up to his room.
He thought he had a temperature.
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80. I'm hot. Come on, seven. Come to papa.
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81. Seven, seven, seven.
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82. - Seventeen is the number.
- No.
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83. - Yes.
- No.
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84. Don't touch the wheel, sir.
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85. - This game is rigged.
- Security!
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86. Kidding. Kidding.
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87. I just can't get over what a riot
that Chevy Chase is.
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88. You know, I've had a crush on him
since Saturday Night Live.
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89. Miss Fine, weren't you little too young
to be watching that?
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90. Well, not if you consider...
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91. three young.
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92. Excuse me, ma'am.
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93. The gentleman you've been sending
the drinks to all night,
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94. he said he's had enough.
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95. I'll be the judge of that.
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96. Hi. I'm Fran Fine.
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97. - Chevy, you were so incredible.
- Thank you.
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98. Maxwell Sheffield.
It's a pleasure to meet you, Chevy.
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99. Mr. Chase is good.
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100. What a sense of humor.
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101. No, I'm serious.
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102. But how come you let her call you Chevy?
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103. Well actually, she called me,
"Chevy, you were so incredible"
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104. which happens to be my full name.
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105. Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow at the
casino and we'll talk about the show.
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106. - Okay, thank you, Chevy
- All right.
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107. - ... you're so incredible.
- All right.
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108. I think, I just felt someone's lips.
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109. Right here.
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110. Good night. Nice meeting you, Mitch.
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111. Maxwell.
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112. B, have you seen Niles anywhere?
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113. - Nope
- Well, wait a minute. Where're you off to?
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114. To a show.
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115. What kind of show?
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116. You know, some craft show called...
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117. String and Paste.
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118. - String and Paste?
- Yeah, String and Paste.
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119. Let me see that.
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120. "G-strings and pasties"?
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121. I thought it was a typo.
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122. Yeah well, how did you expect to even get
into this? What do you have, a fake ID?
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123. Yeah, I went to the guy that took 10 years
off your license.
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124. It cost me 15 bucks.
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125. I am horrified.
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126. I paid 25.
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127. Let me see yours.
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128. Now I know, why mine cost more.
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129. Mine's laminated.
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130. It doesn't tear.
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131. Go see Muppets On Ice.
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132. Bye.
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133. Niles, have you been up gambling
all night?
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134. Leave me alone. I won a hundred dollars.
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135. Well, how much did you put in?
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136. Three hundred dollars.
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137. Niles, after all the money that you lost
on the cruise,
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138. I can't believe, you haven't learned
your lesson.
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139. - Give me your wallet.
- No, I'm a mature, responsible adult.
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140. That's not fair.
The Wilsons let their butler gamble.
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141. You're such a meanie. I hate you.
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142. Well, now, Mr. Smart-mouth,
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143. you can just march yourself upstairs
and go to bed.
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144. Go ahead. You know you can't win
at these things.
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145. Everything you make you put back in.
What's the matter with you?
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146. I won, I won, I won.
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147. Honey, you wanna get me an Apricot Sour
and make it sweet?
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148. Excuse me.
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149. My daddy's in the shower
and I just locked myself out of our room.
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150. Thank you.
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151. Good girl, sweetie.
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152. Okay, hold on to my stuff
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153. and I'm gonna go in
and get Niles' wallet back.
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154. Okay, I copped a conditioner
and a couple of mints.
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155. The torch has been passed.
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156. Come on, three cherries. Come to Papa.
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157. No, you don't have a gambling problem.
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158. Wait, now, where is your wallet?
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159. I'll just get it.
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160. You keep your wallet
in your front pocket, don't you?
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161. I'm getting lucky.
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162. - Hi, Chevy.
- Twenty-one.
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163. Twenty-nine but thank you.
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164. Player wins.
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165. How you doing?
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166. A lot better now. You like to gamble?
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167. Well, I'm betting everything I got
on a guy that took four years
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168. to ask me on a first date,
so I guess that would qualify me as a—
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169. Sucker?
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170. Yeah.
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171. - Player wins again.
- Thank you very much.
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172. You know you have a beautiful face?
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173. Have you ever thought about acting?
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174. Are you deaf?
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175. Player wins again.
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176. - Hey, you're bringing me luck, Fran.
- Thank you.
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177. Hey, I'm having a very big poker game
in my room tonight.
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178. I sure could use you by my side.
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179. Wow! Chevy, you know,
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180. I'm a nanny, so my first responsibility
really is to find a sitter.
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181. Hello, Che— Mr. Chase.
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182. - Hi there, Billy.
- Maxwell.
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183. Is this a good time to discuss the play?
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184. No.
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185. How about this evening?
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186. I'm afraid I'm spending the evening
with your beautiful nanny.
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187. Maybe you'll even get lucky.
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188. I'm counting on it.
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189. Niles.
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190. Niles, wake up!
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191. Wake up, old man. We have to talk.
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192. Niles, Miss Babcock's moving in with us.
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193. Why?
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194. Niles, hypothetical question.
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195. Let's say someone's down in the casino
and they ask a certain nanny,
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196. if she would spend the night with him.
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197. And she tells him, "He could get lucky."
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198. - What do you think that means?
- Congratulations, sir!
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199. Finally, after four years.
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200. You know, to tell you the truth, I was
beginning to think you were a big weenie.
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201. Not me, you idiot!
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202. Chevy Chase!
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203. I presume I'm fired?
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204. Just go ahead and give me
my severance pay.
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205. Preferably in five dollar chips.
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206. Look at this from Chevy Chase.
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207. It's that beautiful dress
that I saw downstairs in the boutique,
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208. that I wanted to wear tonight.
But how did he know?
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209. Because you took him into the boutique
and you said,
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210. "This is the dress I wanna wear tonight."
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211. But how did he pick up on the subtlety?
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212. "Dear Fran. Meet me in front
of the baccarat room at 11."
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213. He wants to buy me crystal.
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214. That's sweet.
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215. "Then up to my suite for the game."
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216. - Miss Fine?
- What?
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217. Give me back my wallet.
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218. No, you are a compulsive gambler
and I will not be your enabler.
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219. If you give it back,
I'll tell you something
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220. about Mr. Sheffield
that you really want to know.
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221. All right fair enough,
tell me what you got,
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222. I'll tell you where your wallet is.
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223. Mr. Sheffield is insanely jealous
that you are spending the night
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224. with Chevy Chase and thinks
that you are going
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225. to end up in bed together.
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226. He's insanely jealous.
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227. - I bet, I know, where he got that idea—
- The wallet, baby. The wallet.
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228. Well, I'll give you a hint.
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229. I gave it to somebody
that's really gonna enjoy having
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230. this power over you.
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231. Babcock.
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232. Next time someone asks
for an extra Twinkie in their lunch,
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233. we'll see who gives me attitude.
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234. Fran, I can't believe that Dad is jealous
of you and Chevy Chase.
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235. Well, honey, just don't make it worse
by telling your father that Chevy got me
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236. this really expensive, sexy gown.
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237. And that I'm gonna be in his room tonight
at 11:15.
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238. - Well, I wasn't gonna—
- Yeah, you were.
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239. Hi, Gracie. How's the babysitter?
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240. No, that's not really Diana Ross.
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241. No, he's in the show here at the hotel.
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242. Meanwhile, is your father on his way up?
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243. Did he seem upset?
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244. How awful.
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245. Okay, good night, sweetie. I love you.
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246. - Niles.
- Not now, Miss Babcock has my wallet
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247. and I can't find her anywhere.
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248. No, Niles, Miss Fine is in there
with Chevy Chase right now.
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249. But, sir, a Lucky Seven is paying
$110,432.98.
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250. Now, I'm beginning to think you might have
something of a gambling problem, old boy.
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251. Nonsense, sir.
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252. - Damn.
- What?
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253. I just lost the trifecta.
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254. Give me that!
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255. Chevy.
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256. Chevy, I'm so hot.
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257. That's some great hand you got there, baby.
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258. Fran, I didn't bring you up here to talk.
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259. I think, I'm not quite ready
for prime time players,
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260. beginning to take advantage of Miss Fine,
right now.
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261. I'll take that bet. What are the odds?
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262. Care for a little sweet stuff?
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263. Fran, take it off.
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264. Fran, we can't play until you take it off.
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265. Okay.
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266. She's stopped talking. That's a bad sign.
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267. Courage, sir, perhaps she just discovered
the mini fridge.
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268. Fran, would you get me a Coke?
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269. Yes. Yes!
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270. Yes, Chevy.
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271. I've gotta get in there.
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272. Here, hold this. Get back. Get back.
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273. I bet you I can do that, sir.
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274. All right. I'll bet you $50. Go on, go on.
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275. Can you spot me the 50?
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276. Here.
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277. It's open.
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278. All right. That's it. I've had it.
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279. She's leaving with me.
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280. Now, what in God's name possessed you to—
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281. Fold with three queens?
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282. Mr. Sheffield, what are you doing?
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283. Feeling like a huge ass.
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284. Nothing personal.
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285. Well, good night, gentlemen.
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286. - Good night, Chev.
- Night, Fran.
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287. Mr. Sheffield, I can't believe you barged
in there and carried me out.
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288. It's so '50s.
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289. Luckily, I'm an old-fashioned girl.
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290. Well, I only did it, Miss Fine,
because I was concerned for your welfare.
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291. You did not.
You did it because you thought
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292. that I was in the arms of another man
and you got jealous.
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293. Now, why can't you just tell me?
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294. First, you tell me why a gentleman
in a sequined gown
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295. is singing Grace to sleep
with "Ain't No Mountain High Enough".
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296. Damn.
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297. Give it to me, Babcock.
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298. - Give what to you?
- Don't play coy.
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299. I'm getting what I came for.
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300. I'll tie you down if I have to.
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301. Niles, you animal.
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302. I've never seen this side of you.
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303. What are you doing?
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304. What do you think I'm doing?
I'm ransacking your drawers.
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305. Well, are you looking
for something specific?
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306. I have peignoirs, teddies...
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307. A hand puppet.
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308. I am looking for my wallet.
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309. Niles.
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310. You don't have to pay me.
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311. Well, it's good to be home.
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312. Told you, he'd say that.
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313. You are such a worthless tool.
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314. It's like an embarrassment
to have you as a relative.
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315. You are amazing. Verbatim.
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316. You know, I don't understand
this whole gambling thing.
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317. Look at this.
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318. Chevy sent me a hundred dollars'
worth of chips.
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319. I thought, that he was sending me,
Pringles.
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320. And I'll bet you're relieved it's money
and not food.
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321. How long you know me?
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322. You know, I can't believe,
I still don't know if Chevy— Mr. Chase...
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323. Chevy... is doing my show or not.
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324. Well, you know, if you want,
I'd be happy to talk to him.
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325. I mean, we did have quite a rapport
going there.
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326. You know, that's not a bad idea.
I think I'll give him a call.
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327. - See if I can get the two of you together.
- Okay.
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328. Chevy, listen, would you like
to get together with Miss Fine?
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329. No? Shame.
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