1. Well, I found my gift
for Yetta's bridal shower.
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2. I got her the Kama Sutra,
big print edition.
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3. Niles, she's an elderly woman.
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4. Meanwhile, with her new bionic hips,
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5. on this page 89, is like a walk
in the park.
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6. What did you get your grandmother?
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7. I can't afford to get anything.
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8. I don't know where all my money goes.
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9. Watch it.
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10. You're gonna spill
on my new Gucci bag.
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11. Miss Fine. That is a lovely outfit
you're wearing.
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12. You like? I just bought it.
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13. You're in a good mood this morning.
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14. Well, why should I be depressed,
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15. just because a woman three times my age
is getting married before me?
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16. Mazel tov. You're getting married.
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17. Why on earth is Yetta getting married
at her age?
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18. I was wondering that myself.
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19. I guess it's because somebody asked her.
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20. Yes, well,
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21. she waited a long time before rushing
into a second marriage
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22. and, that's a very wise thing.
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23. Nanny Fine,
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24. have you seen this month's issue
of Park Place magazine?
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25. Who cares? It's always
some horsey-looking debutante,
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26. clutching her blue-blood fiancé.
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27. Miss Babcock, it's you and Chester.
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28. They did a spread on wealthy heiresses
and their dogs.
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29. Look at this.
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30. I didn't know that you walked Chester
in Central Park.
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31. Not me. Lupe.
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32. That is, till she up and died on me.
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33. Besides, who's gonna bust me? The mutt?
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34. You know, Miss Babcock,
with all your dough,
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35. you really should find a place to hide
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36. that money before the government gets it.
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37. How about right here?
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38. Well, Nanny Fine, if you're strapped
for cash...
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39. I have a job that would utilize
your unique talents.
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40. You know how to use
a pooper-scooper, don't you?
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41. Are you suggesting
that I be your dog-walker?
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42. I'll pay you $10 an hour.
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43. Please! Do you know what I get paid
to watch three children?
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44. Half that. When do I start?
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45. She was working in a bridal shop
In Flushing, Queens
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46. Till her boyfriend kicked her out
In one of those crushing scenes
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47. What was she to do?
Where was she to go?
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48. She was out on her fanny
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49. So over the bridge from Flushing
To the Sheffield's door
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50. She was there to sell makeup,
But the father saw more
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51. She had style! She had flair!
She was there!
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52. That's how she became the nanny!
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53. Who would have guessed
That the girl we've described
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54. Was just exactly what
The doctor prescribed?
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55. Now the father finds her beguiling
Watch out, C.C.!
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56. And the kids are actually smiling
Such joie de vivre!
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57. She's the lady in red
When everybody else is wearing tan
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58. The pleasure girl from Flushing
The nanny named Fran!
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59. Ma, why did you book Harry's Clam Bar
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60. when Daddy's Elk Lodge
would've been so much better
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61. for Yetta's shower?
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62. Honey, Daddy is not an Elk anymore.
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63. Sylvia, you told my mother,
he was no longer a stallion.
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64. How many clubs does he belong to?
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65. What's Yetta's fiancé like, anyway?
I never even met him.
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66. What's to meet?
He's one of the alter cockers at the home.
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67. What's an alter cocker?
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68. Well, literally,
it means, old cocker spaniel.
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69. It's a very affectionate term.
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70. Okay.
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71. Here's my shower plan.
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72. Look who's planning her own shower.
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73. Yesterday, you wore your underpants
as a beret.
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74. I don't have to take that from you.
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75. I'm not even sure you're mine.
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76. Fine, Miss Fine, what seems to be
the problem here?
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77. What problem? It's just three generations
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78. of Fine women planning a shower.
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79. Yes, that's right. I hear you've already
booked Harry's Clam Bar.
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80. What a pity. Could have had it here.
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81. Okay.
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82. - Nanny Fine?
- Yeah?
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83. Chester just ate his kibble
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84. and now he needs to go number two.
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85. Already?
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86. Boy, I should have some of that kibble
for breakfast.
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87. - Here, Frannie.
- What?
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88. I won a whole case
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89. of chocolate ex-lax playing bingo.
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90. That's a prize?
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91. I guess when you're a senior,
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92. taking ex-lax is like taking Ecstasy.
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93. Fran, this park is a great place
to scope out guys.
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94. Well, you know, honey, your father
and I are sort of an item.
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95. He's just waiting until the time is right.
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96. - Uh-huh.
- And that pony Daddy promised me?
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97. - Yeah?
- Glue.
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98. All right. And we're off.
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99. - How's my lipstick? Good?
- Mm-hmm.
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100. - Hair big enough?
- Blocking the sun.
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101. Perfect. Look sharp. There's a live one.
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102. Excuse me, miss. I just had to come over
and tell you,
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103. you have the most beautiful mother
I've ever seen.
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104. Well, she's not my mother.
She's my sister.
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105. No, I'm her nanny.
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106. - I'm Brian.
- Hi, Brian. I'm Fran.
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107. - Hi.
- And this is Gracie.
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108. - Hi.
- And this is Chester.
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109. You look like you could breed
some champions.
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110. Well, all us Fine women
are pretty fertile.
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111. You meant the dog.
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112. Yeah, my dog's around here somewhere.
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113. - A Dalmatian. Her name's Dot.
- Yeah.
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114. Dot. That's cute.
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115. She's over there. She loves running
around the park
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116. - with all the other dogs.
- Doesn't that look fun, Chester?
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117. Here, why don't you go network.
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118. I'll get your collar.
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119. There you go.
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120. Good boy. Go.
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121. Play. Good boy.
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122. Chester, stop it.
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123. Stop that. Don't do that.
How embarrassing.
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124. If I could do what he's doing,
I'd never leave the house.
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125. That Chester's a lucky boy.
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126. He gets to go home
with the world's cutest nanny.
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127. Well, your day may come.
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128. Where's Chester?
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129. - Chester.
- Chester.
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130. - Chester.
- Chester.
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131. Where is he? I don't see him.
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132. You know, you look over there.
I'll check over by the fountain.
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133. - Chester!
- Chester!
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134. - Chester!
- Chester!
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135. Fran, he's gone.
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136. - Chester!
- Chester!
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137. - Chester!
- Chester!
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138. - Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God!
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139. Oh, Gracie.
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140. You lost Chester.
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141. There, there, Miss Fine. It's all right.
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142. We'll find him.
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143. It's not like you lost one
of the children.
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144. Gracie!
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145. I'm here, Fran.
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146. Gracie.
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147. I just called the police precinct.
They're sending over Jeff.
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148. - Oh, good.
- Jeff?
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149. Ex-boyfriend, has his own handcuffs,
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150. looks like a younger version of you.
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151. Well, I really don't see any reason
to involve the police right now.
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152. I mean, Miss Babcock should just call
the pound.
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153. Miss Babcock,
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154. how am I gonna tell her?
She's gonna be devastated.
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155. She slept with Chester every night.
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156. Well, on the up side, she won't be
so cramped in that little basket.
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157. Miss Babcock,
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158. I have something to tell you
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159. that is gonna be very hard
for you to take.
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160. You asked her to marry you, you scum?
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161. - Ten years of my life I have—
- No, no. C.C.
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162. C.C., C.C., Miss Fine...
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163. lost Chester in Central Park.
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164. You scared the hell out of me.
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165. Miss Fine, Ace Ventura's here.
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166. - Hello, Maxwell.
- Yeah.
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167. Bob's gonna tap into your phone line here
so we can run a trace.
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168. You're running a phone trace?
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169. Well, we've been having a series
of Central Park dog-nappings.
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170. Yeah, we think, they staked out Chester
since he was on the cover of the magazine.
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171. They?
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172. Yes, well, we believe the perps
are a husband-and-wife team.
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173. My perp's not single?
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174. Jeff, I can't believe Chester
was kidnapped.
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175. I'm so happy you're here.
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176. Well, have you been working out?
You're like a rock.
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177. Excuse me. Excuse me.
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178. Let's, let's not forget the urgency
of a missing dog here, please.
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179. Fran, answer. That could be him.
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180. Oh, my.
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181. I don't want you to be nervous.
I'm gonna guide you.
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182. - through this, okay?
- Okay.
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183. She knows how to talk
into a bloody telephone.
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184. Now see, if you recognize the voice, okay?
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185. All right.
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186. Hello?
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187. I do. It's Ma.
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188. Hi, Ma.
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189. Oh, hold on one minute.
I'm getting a call waiting.
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190. Hello?
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191. Yeah, now you listen, and you listen good.
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192. If you ever wanna see
Chester alive again—
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193. Okay, I'll hold. She has to hang up
with her mother.
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194. Arianna, shut that damn window.
I'm trying to demand a ransom here.
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195. You just wanna flirt with the nanny.
You flirt with all dog owners,
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196. - even men.
- One time.
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197. It got you a big screen TV. Let it go.
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198. Hello? Uh-huh?
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199. Now I lost my place.
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200. Yeah. Yeah, you tell C.C. Babcock,
I want $20,000.
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201. And if she tries to involve the police
or the media,
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202. I'm sending her dog back to her,
one paw at a time, huh?
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203. Please, I can't take that horrible sound!
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204. Well, I'm sorry, sir.
But this happens to be my natural voice.
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205. Val, he said, he wants $20,000
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206. - or Chester gets it.
- Would you give me that?
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207. Me and that mutt are supposed to shoot
the cover of Redbook on Tuesday.
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208. Hello, mister.
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209. I'm gonna tell you the same thing
I told my poverty-stricken uncle
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210. who needed an operation,
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211. nobody squeezes a dime out
of C.C. Babcock.
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212. I am addressing the man who stole my dog.
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213. Here is your $20,000.
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214. Only I'm offering this as a reward,
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215. to whomever turns you in.
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216. You have 24 hours
to bring me back my little...
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217. - Pomeranian.
- Pomeranian.
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218. Otherwise, anywhere you go,
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219. you're gonna have to ask yourself,
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220. "Is this the day they get me?"
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221. - Val, let's go get our coats.
- Why?
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222. Because, we're gonna get
that kidnapper ourselves.
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223. How? We don't even know where he is.
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224. When I talked to him on the phone,
I heard an ice cream truck
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225. in the background
that was playing "The Way We Were."
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226. So?
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227. So, where in New York,
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228. does an ice cream truck play
a Barbra Streisand ballad?
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229. - Greenwich Village.
- Greenwich Village.
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230. We are going to rescue Chester
and collect that 20 grand.
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231. So if I help you,
we'll split it fifty-fifty?
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232. - Sixty-forty.
- Why 60-40?
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233. Well, I'm the one that lost him, Val.
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234. Val, that's a recess bell.
I heard that bell over the phone.
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235. Pull over by that school.
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236. Fran, I am so impressed
with how you used your charms
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237. to borrow this ice cream truck.
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238. Yeah, I know. But, I'll tell you,
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239. I'm not looking forward to dating a guy
who's made his career out
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240. of being known as Mister Softee.
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241. That Babcock chick turned
the tables on us, all right?
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242. She's offered a reward
to whoever turns me in.
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243. - How much is she offering?
- Twenty thou—
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244. What do you care?
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245. Don't get so hysterical.
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246. On the news, they said they were looking
for someone who looks like Art Garfunkel.
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247. Can't believe, the whole city's after me.
I can't walk outside.
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248. You know, I could get killed.
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249. Baby, please, will you get me
an ice cream?
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250. Are you listening to me?
They could gun me down!
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251. Baby, I'm so hot.
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252. I could use a Nutty Buddy.
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253. - Hello, may I help you?
- Yeah, let me have a Dreamsicle
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254. and a Nutty Buddy.
And make it quick.
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255. Okay.
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256. Now, they're a dollar each.
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257. So, that would be...
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258. Thank you.
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259. Val. Val. Val.
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260. That's the guy that stole Chester.
That's him.
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261. Oh, my God.
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262. Art Garfunkel has to steal a dog?
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263. How do we know
which apartment he went into?
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264. I, I can't think with that dog barking.
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265. Yeah, blame it on the dog, Val.
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266. - Get down on all fours. Come on.
- Fran, I know you miss walking Chester,
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267. - but I'm not getting down on all fours—
- Val, I wanna look in the window.
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268. Oh, I see. I see Chester.
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269. - What do you want?
- Well...
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270. if my friend sells one more
magazine subscription,
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271. she gets to go to that special camp.
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272. Oh, I miss my little Chester.
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273. You know, I used to let him sleep with me.
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274. Let him? Who do you think taught him
to beg?
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275. - That's our guy.
- Okay. Pick it up. Come on.
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276. Okay.
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277. This is C.C. Babcock.
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278. Well, you were so willing
to risk your dog's life,
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279. what would you say if I told you
that I had Fran Fine?
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280. Well, it would go something like this.
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281. C.C., for God's sakes.
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282. Listen, this is Maxwell Sheffield.
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283. Now, don't hurt her.
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284. I'll give you anything you want.
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285. Wait a minute.
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286. I never thought I'd say this, but...
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287. I want to hear Miss Fine's voice.
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288. - Your boss is on the phone.
- Mister Softee?
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289. - Miss Fine, can you hear me?
- Oh, Mr. Sheffield.
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290. - Help—
- All right, that's enough.
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291. Now, you listen carefully, Sheffield.
You have 30 minutes.
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292. Here are your instructions.
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293. Put 40 grand in a paper bag
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294. and go to the bowling alley
on University and 12th.
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295. At the bowling alley,
rent shoes and a bowling bag.
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296. Put the money in the bag
and put on the shoes.
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297. Go to Lane 7 where the Jenny Craig League
is bowling.
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298. There will be a note
under the first chair.
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299. That note has a map to a YMCA.
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300. Go to the swimming pool.
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301. At the bottom of the pool there's a key
to a locker with a cell phone in it.
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302. At exactly 5 o'clock,
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303. I'll be calling to tell you
where we'll make the exchange.
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304. Damn, we lost him.
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305. He wouldn't have actually jumped
into the pool wearing
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306. a tracking device, would he?
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307. - Yeah, he would.
- Yeah, he would.
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308. Well, he's on his own now.
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309. - Hello?
- You did very well.
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310. Yes, well, considering I forgot
to write anything down.
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311. Now, give me back my nanny!
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312. I'm giving the orders here.
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313. Now, walk one block west
to the Chinese restaurant.
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314. Hand the money to the woman
in the black hat.
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315. And then you can have your friends.
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316. Mrs. Levine, you're gonna be rolling
in cash.
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317. Levine?
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318. I'll tell you, Val when Jews go bad...
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319. What are you doing?
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320. - I was reaching for some chocolates.
- Chocolate.
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321. I love chocolate.
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322. I've got some delicious chocolates
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323. that my grandma gave me
that she won playing bingo.
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324. You want some?
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325. Where I come from,
chocolate is an aphrodisiac.
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326. You come from Flushing.
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327. - You got, you got any more?
- Sure. Here.
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328. Help yourself.
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329. You know what? I would like some.
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330. - No, Val.
- All of a sudden, they're your friends?
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331. Who are you, Patty Hearst?
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332. Okay.
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333. Okay, Arianna's walking toward your boss.
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334. She's running toward your boss.
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335. She's running past your boss
without taking the money and...
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336. pulling a construction worker out
of a Porta-Potty?
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337. I better go see what she's—
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338. I'm gonna go take care of—
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339. What happened?
Why did he run away?
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340. Well, you know, Val,
when you gotta go, you gotta go.
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341. - Mr. Sheffield! Help!
- Help! Help us!
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342. - Oh, my God, are you all right?
- Yeah. You're my hero.
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343. Mr. Sheffield, you know, in Israel
there's an ancient custom
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344. that says when a man saves
a woman's life,
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345. she must stand by his side forever,
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346. in a professionally decorated,
mock-Tudor house
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347. on a large corner lot in Great Neck.
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348. Yes, but we don't live in Israel.
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349. I know.
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350. Want a piece of chocolate?
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351. Yetta,
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352. before I go to the market,
what would you like for your shower?
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353. Some of those rubber daisies
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354. for the bottom of the tub.
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355. And one of those
detachable water massages.
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356. They're fun.
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357. Actually, I meant for your wedding shower.
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358. And, yes, they are.
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