1. Well, I found my gift
for Yetta's bridal shower.Copy !req
2. I got her the Kama Sutra,
big print edition.Copy !req
3. Niles, she's an elderly woman.Copy !req
4. Meanwhile, with her new bionic hips,Copy !req
5. on this page 89, is like a walk
in the park.Copy !req
6. What did you get your grandmother?Copy !req
7. I can't afford to get anything.Copy !req
8. I don't know where all my money goes.Copy !req
9. Watch it.Copy !req
10. You're gonna spill
on my new Gucci bag.Copy !req
11. Miss Fine. That is a lovely outfit
you're wearing.Copy !req
12. You like? I just bought it.Copy !req
13. You're in a good mood this morning.Copy !req
14. Well, why should I be depressed,Copy !req
15. just because a woman three times my age
is getting married before me?Copy !req
16. Mazel tov. You're getting married.Copy !req
17. Why on earth is Yetta getting married
at her age?Copy !req
18. I was wondering that myself.Copy !req
19. I guess it's because somebody asked her.Copy !req
20. Yes, well,Copy !req
21. she waited a long time before rushing
into a second marriageCopy !req
22. and, that's a very wise thing.Copy !req
23. Nanny Fine,Copy !req
24. have you seen this month's issue
of Park Place magazine?Copy !req
25. Who cares? It's always
some horsey-looking debutante,Copy !req
26. clutching her blue-blood fiancé.Copy !req
27. Miss Babcock, it's you and Chester.Copy !req
28. They did a spread on wealthy heiresses
and their dogs.Copy !req
29. Look at this.Copy !req
30. I didn't know that you walked Chester
in Central Park.Copy !req
31. Not me. Lupe.Copy !req
32. That is, till she up and died on me.Copy !req
33. Besides, who's gonna bust me? The mutt?Copy !req
34. You know, Miss Babcock,
with all your dough,Copy !req
35. you really should find a place to hideCopy !req
36. that money before the government gets it.Copy !req
37. How about right here?Copy !req
38. Well, Nanny Fine, if you're strapped
for cash...Copy !req
39. I have a job that would utilize
your unique talents.Copy !req
40. You know how to use
a pooper-scooper, don't you?Copy !req
41. Are you suggesting
that I be your dog-walker?Copy !req
42. I'll pay you $10 an hour.Copy !req
43. Please! Do you know what I get paid
to watch three children?Copy !req
44. Half that. When do I start?Copy !req
45. She was working in a bridal shop
In Flushing, QueensCopy !req
46. Till her boyfriend kicked her out
In one of those crushing scenesCopy !req
47. What was she to do?
Where was she to go?Copy !req
48. She was out on her fannyCopy !req
49. So over the bridge from Flushing
To the Sheffield's doorCopy !req
50. She was there to sell makeup,
But the father saw moreCopy !req
51. She had style! She had flair!
She was there!Copy !req
52. That's how she became the nanny!Copy !req
53. Who would have guessed
That the girl we've describedCopy !req
54. Was just exactly what
The doctor prescribed?Copy !req
55. Now the father finds her beguiling
Watch out, C.C.!Copy !req
56. And the kids are actually smiling
Such joie de vivre!Copy !req
57. She's the lady in red
When everybody else is wearing tanCopy !req
58. The pleasure girl from Flushing
The nanny named Fran!Copy !req
59. Ma, why did you book Harry's Clam BarCopy !req
60. when Daddy's Elk Lodge
would've been so much betterCopy !req
61. for Yetta's shower?Copy !req
62. Honey, Daddy is not an Elk anymore.Copy !req
63. Sylvia, you told my mother,
he was no longer a stallion.Copy !req
64. How many clubs does he belong to?Copy !req
65. What's Yetta's fiancé like, anyway?
I never even met him.Copy !req
66. What's to meet?
He's one of the alter cockers at the home.Copy !req
67. What's an alter cocker?Copy !req
68. Well, literally,
it means, old cocker spaniel.Copy !req
69. It's a very affectionate term.Copy !req
70. Okay.Copy !req
71. Here's my shower plan.Copy !req
72. Look who's planning her own shower.Copy !req
73. Yesterday, you wore your underpants
as a beret.Copy !req
74. I don't have to take that from you.Copy !req
75. I'm not even sure you're mine.Copy !req
76. Fine, Miss Fine, what seems to be
the problem here?Copy !req
77. What problem? It's just three generationsCopy !req
78. of Fine women planning a shower.Copy !req
79. Yes, that's right. I hear you've already
booked Harry's Clam Bar.Copy !req
80. What a pity. Could have had it here.Copy !req
81. Okay.Copy !req
82. - Nanny Fine?
- Yeah?Copy !req
83. Chester just ate his kibbleCopy !req
84. and now he needs to go number two.Copy !req
85. Already?Copy !req
86. Boy, I should have some of that kibble
for breakfast.Copy !req
87. - Here, Frannie.
- What?Copy !req
88. I won a whole caseCopy !req
89. of chocolate ex-lax playing bingo.Copy !req
90. That's a prize?Copy !req
91. I guess when you're a senior,Copy !req
92. taking ex-lax is like taking Ecstasy.Copy !req
93. Fran, this park is a great place
to scope out guys.Copy !req
94. Well, you know, honey, your father
and I are sort of an item.Copy !req
95. He's just waiting until the time is right.Copy !req
96. - Uh-huh.
- And that pony Daddy promised me?Copy !req
97. - Yeah?
- Glue.Copy !req
98. All right. And we're off.Copy !req
99. - How's my lipstick? Good?
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
100. - Hair big enough?
- Blocking the sun.Copy !req
101. Perfect. Look sharp. There's a live one.Copy !req
102. Excuse me, miss. I just had to come over
and tell you,Copy !req
103. you have the most beautiful mother
I've ever seen.Copy !req
104. Well, she's not my mother.
She's my sister.Copy !req
105. No, I'm her nanny.Copy !req
106. - I'm Brian.
- Hi, Brian. I'm Fran.Copy !req
107. - Hi.
- And this is Gracie.Copy !req
108. - Hi.
- And this is Chester.Copy !req
109. You look like you could breed
some champions.Copy !req
110. Well, all us Fine women
are pretty fertile.Copy !req
111. You meant the dog.Copy !req
112. Yeah, my dog's around here somewhere.Copy !req
113. - A Dalmatian. Her name's Dot.
- Yeah.Copy !req
114. Dot. That's cute.Copy !req
115. She's over there. She loves running
around the parkCopy !req
116. - with all the other dogs.
- Doesn't that look fun, Chester?Copy !req
117. Here, why don't you go network.Copy !req
118. I'll get your collar.Copy !req
119. There you go.Copy !req
120. Good boy. Go.Copy !req
121. Play. Good boy.Copy !req
122. Chester, stop it.Copy !req
123. Stop that. Don't do that.
How embarrassing.Copy !req
124. If I could do what he's doing,
I'd never leave the house.Copy !req
125. That Chester's a lucky boy.Copy !req
126. He gets to go home
with the world's cutest nanny.Copy !req
127. Well, your day may come.Copy !req
128. Where's Chester?Copy !req
129. - Chester.
- Chester.Copy !req
130. - Chester.
- Chester.Copy !req
131. Where is he? I don't see him.Copy !req
132. You know, you look over there.
I'll check over by the fountain.Copy !req
133. - Chester!
- Chester!Copy !req
134. - Chester!
- Chester!Copy !req
135. Fran, he's gone.Copy !req
136. - Chester!
- Chester!Copy !req
137. - Chester!
- Chester!Copy !req
138. - Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God!Copy !req
139. Oh, Gracie.Copy !req
140. You lost Chester.Copy !req
141. There, there, Miss Fine. It's all right.Copy !req
142. We'll find him.Copy !req
143. It's not like you lost one
of the children.Copy !req
144. Gracie!Copy !req
145. I'm here, Fran.Copy !req
146. Gracie.Copy !req
147. I just called the police precinct.
They're sending over Jeff.Copy !req
148. - Oh, good.
- Jeff?Copy !req
149. Ex-boyfriend, has his own handcuffs,Copy !req
150. looks like a younger version of you.Copy !req
151. Well, I really don't see any reason
to involve the police right now.Copy !req
152. I mean, Miss Babcock should just call
the pound.Copy !req
153. Miss Babcock,Copy !req
154. how am I gonna tell her?
She's gonna be devastated.Copy !req
155. She slept with Chester every night.Copy !req
156. Well, on the up side, she won't be
so cramped in that little basket.Copy !req
157. Miss Babcock,Copy !req
158. I have something to tell youCopy !req
159. that is gonna be very hard
for you to take.Copy !req
160. You asked her to marry you, you scum?Copy !req
161. - Ten years of my life I have—
- No, no. C.C.Copy !req
162. C.C., C.C., Miss Fine...Copy !req
163. lost Chester in Central Park.Copy !req
164. You scared the hell out of me.Copy !req
165. Miss Fine, Ace Ventura's here.Copy !req
166. - Hello, Maxwell.
- Yeah.Copy !req
167. Bob's gonna tap into your phone line here
so we can run a trace.Copy !req
168. You're running a phone trace?Copy !req
169. Well, we've been having a series
of Central Park dog-nappings.Copy !req
170. Yeah, we think, they staked out Chester
since he was on the cover of the magazine.Copy !req
171. They?Copy !req
172. Yes, well, we believe the perps
are a husband-and-wife team.Copy !req
173. My perp's not single?Copy !req
174. Jeff, I can't believe Chester
was kidnapped.Copy !req
175. I'm so happy you're here.Copy !req
176. Well, have you been working out?
You're like a rock.Copy !req
177. Excuse me. Excuse me.Copy !req
178. Let's, let's not forget the urgency
of a missing dog here, please.Copy !req
179. Fran, answer. That could be him.Copy !req
180. Oh, my.Copy !req
181. I don't want you to be nervous.
I'm gonna guide you.Copy !req
182. - through this, okay?
- Okay.Copy !req
183. She knows how to talk
into a bloody telephone.Copy !req
184. Now see, if you recognize the voice, okay?Copy !req
185. All right.Copy !req
186. Hello?Copy !req
187. I do. It's Ma.Copy !req
188. Hi, Ma.Copy !req
189. Oh, hold on one minute.
I'm getting a call waiting.Copy !req
190. Hello?Copy !req
191. Yeah, now you listen, and you listen good.Copy !req
192. If you ever wanna see
Chester alive again—Copy !req
193. Okay, I'll hold. She has to hang up
with her mother.Copy !req
194. Arianna, shut that damn window.
I'm trying to demand a ransom here.Copy !req
195. You just wanna flirt with the nanny.
You flirt with all dog owners,Copy !req
196. - even men.
- One time.Copy !req
197. It got you a big screen TV. Let it go.Copy !req
198. Hello? Uh-huh?Copy !req
199. Now I lost my place.Copy !req
200. Yeah. Yeah, you tell C.C. Babcock,
I want $20,000.Copy !req
201. And if she tries to involve the police
or the media,Copy !req
202. I'm sending her dog back to her,
one paw at a time, huh?Copy !req
203. Please, I can't take that horrible sound!Copy !req
204. Well, I'm sorry, sir.
But this happens to be my natural voice.Copy !req
205. Val, he said, he wants $20,000Copy !req
206. - or Chester gets it.
- Would you give me that?Copy !req
207. Me and that mutt are supposed to shoot
the cover of Redbook on Tuesday.Copy !req
208. Hello, mister.Copy !req
209. I'm gonna tell you the same thing
I told my poverty-stricken uncleCopy !req
210. who needed an operation,Copy !req
211. nobody squeezes a dime out
of C.C. Babcock.Copy !req
212. I am addressing the man who stole my dog.Copy !req
213. Here is your $20,000.Copy !req
214. Only I'm offering this as a reward,Copy !req
215. to whomever turns you in.Copy !req
216. You have 24 hours
to bring me back my little...Copy !req
217. - Pomeranian.
- Pomeranian.Copy !req
218. Otherwise, anywhere you go,Copy !req
219. you're gonna have to ask yourself,Copy !req
220. "Is this the day they get me?"Copy !req
221. - Val, let's go get our coats.
- Why?Copy !req
222. Because, we're gonna get
that kidnapper ourselves.Copy !req
223. How? We don't even know where he is.Copy !req
224. When I talked to him on the phone,
I heard an ice cream truckCopy !req
225. in the background
that was playing "The Way We Were."Copy !req
226. So?Copy !req
227. So, where in New York,Copy !req
228. does an ice cream truck play
a Barbra Streisand ballad?Copy !req
229. - Greenwich Village.
- Greenwich Village.Copy !req
230. We are going to rescue Chester
and collect that 20 grand.Copy !req
231. So if I help you,
we'll split it fifty-fifty?Copy !req
232. - Sixty-forty.
- Why 60-40?Copy !req
233. Well, I'm the one that lost him, Val.Copy !req
234. Val, that's a recess bell.
I heard that bell over the phone.Copy !req
235. Pull over by that school.Copy !req
236. Fran, I am so impressed
with how you used your charmsCopy !req
237. to borrow this ice cream truck.Copy !req
238. Yeah, I know. But, I'll tell you,Copy !req
239. I'm not looking forward to dating a guy
who's made his career outCopy !req
240. of being known as Mister Softee.Copy !req
241. That Babcock chick turned
the tables on us, all right?Copy !req
242. She's offered a reward
to whoever turns me in.Copy !req
243. - How much is she offering?
- Twenty thou—Copy !req
244. What do you care?Copy !req
245. Don't get so hysterical.Copy !req
246. On the news, they said they were looking
for someone who looks like Art Garfunkel.Copy !req
247. Can't believe, the whole city's after me.
I can't walk outside.Copy !req
248. You know, I could get killed.Copy !req
249. Baby, please, will you get me
an ice cream?Copy !req
250. Are you listening to me?
They could gun me down!Copy !req
251. Baby, I'm so hot.Copy !req
252. I could use a Nutty Buddy.Copy !req
253. - Hello, may I help you?
- Yeah, let me have a DreamsicleCopy !req
254. and a Nutty Buddy.
And make it quick.Copy !req
255. Okay.Copy !req
256. Now, they're a dollar each.Copy !req
257. So, that would be...Copy !req
258. Thank you.Copy !req
259. Val. Val. Val.Copy !req
260. That's the guy that stole Chester.
That's him.Copy !req
261. Oh, my God.Copy !req
262. Art Garfunkel has to steal a dog?Copy !req
263. How do we know
which apartment he went into?Copy !req
264. I, I can't think with that dog barking.Copy !req
265. Yeah, blame it on the dog, Val.Copy !req
266. - Get down on all fours. Come on.
- Fran, I know you miss walking Chester,Copy !req
267. - but I'm not getting down on all fours—
- Val, I wanna look in the window.Copy !req
268. Oh, I see. I see Chester.Copy !req
269. - What do you want?
- Well...Copy !req
270. if my friend sells one more
magazine subscription,Copy !req
271. she gets to go to that special camp.Copy !req
272. Oh, I miss my little Chester.Copy !req
273. You know, I used to let him sleep with me.Copy !req
274. Let him? Who do you think taught him
to beg?Copy !req
275. - That's our guy.
- Okay. Pick it up. Come on.Copy !req
276. Okay.Copy !req
277. This is C.C. Babcock.Copy !req
278. Well, you were so willing
to risk your dog's life,Copy !req
279. what would you say if I told you
that I had Fran Fine?Copy !req
280. Well, it would go something like this.Copy !req
281. C.C., for God's sakes.Copy !req
282. Listen, this is Maxwell Sheffield.Copy !req
283. Now, don't hurt her.Copy !req
284. I'll give you anything you want.Copy !req
285. Wait a minute.Copy !req
286. I never thought I'd say this, but...Copy !req
287. I want to hear Miss Fine's voice.Copy !req
288. - Your boss is on the phone.
- Mister Softee?Copy !req
289. - Miss Fine, can you hear me?
- Oh, Mr. Sheffield.Copy !req
290. - Help—
- All right, that's enough.Copy !req
291. Now, you listen carefully, Sheffield.
You have 30 minutes.Copy !req
292. Here are your instructions.Copy !req
293. Put 40 grand in a paper bagCopy !req
294. and go to the bowling alley
on University and 12th.Copy !req
295. At the bowling alley,
rent shoes and a bowling bag.Copy !req
296. Put the money in the bag
and put on the shoes.Copy !req
297. Go to Lane 7 where the Jenny Craig League
is bowling.Copy !req
298. There will be a note
under the first chair.Copy !req
299. That note has a map to a YMCA.Copy !req
300. Go to the swimming pool.Copy !req
301. At the bottom of the pool there's a key
to a locker with a cell phone in it.Copy !req
302. At exactly 5 o'clock,Copy !req
303. I'll be calling to tell you
where we'll make the exchange.Copy !req
304. Damn, we lost him.Copy !req
305. He wouldn't have actually jumped
into the pool wearingCopy !req
306. a tracking device, would he?Copy !req
307. - Yeah, he would.
- Yeah, he would.Copy !req
308. Well, he's on his own now.Copy !req
309. - Hello?
- You did very well.Copy !req
310. Yes, well, considering I forgot
to write anything down.Copy !req
311. Now, give me back my nanny!Copy !req
312. I'm giving the orders here.Copy !req
313. Now, walk one block west
to the Chinese restaurant.Copy !req
314. Hand the money to the woman
in the black hat.Copy !req
315. And then you can have your friends.Copy !req
316. Mrs. Levine, you're gonna be rolling
in cash.Copy !req
317. Levine?Copy !req
318. I'll tell you, Val when Jews go bad...Copy !req
319. What are you doing?Copy !req
320. - I was reaching for some chocolates.
- Chocolate.Copy !req
321. I love chocolate.Copy !req
322. I've got some delicious chocolatesCopy !req
323. that my grandma gave me
that she won playing bingo.Copy !req
324. You want some?Copy !req
325. Where I come from,
chocolate is an aphrodisiac.Copy !req
326. You come from Flushing.Copy !req
327. - You got, you got any more?
- Sure. Here.Copy !req
328. Help yourself.Copy !req
329. You know what? I would like some.Copy !req
330. - No, Val.
- All of a sudden, they're your friends?Copy !req
331. Who are you, Patty Hearst?Copy !req
332. Okay.Copy !req
333. Okay, Arianna's walking toward your boss.Copy !req
334. She's running toward your boss.Copy !req
335. She's running past your boss
without taking the money and...Copy !req
336. pulling a construction worker out
of a Porta-Potty?Copy !req
337. I better go see what she's—Copy !req
338. I'm gonna go take care of—Copy !req
339. What happened?
Why did he run away?Copy !req
340. Well, you know, Val,
when you gotta go, you gotta go.Copy !req
341. - Mr. Sheffield! Help!
- Help! Help us!Copy !req
342. - Oh, my God, are you all right?
- Yeah. You're my hero.Copy !req
343. Mr. Sheffield, you know, in Israel
there's an ancient customCopy !req
344. that says when a man saves
a woman's life,Copy !req
345. she must stand by his side forever,Copy !req
346. in a professionally decorated,
mock-Tudor houseCopy !req
347. on a large corner lot in Great Neck.Copy !req
348. Yes, but we don't live in Israel.Copy !req
349. I know.Copy !req
350. Want a piece of chocolate?Copy !req
351. Yetta,Copy !req
352. before I go to the market,
what would you like for your shower?Copy !req
353. Some of those rubber daisiesCopy !req
354. for the bottom of the tub.Copy !req
355. And one of those
detachable water massages.Copy !req
356. They're fun.Copy !req
357. Actually, I meant for your wedding shower.Copy !req
358. And, yes, they are.Copy !req