The Nanny 5x21

1. Some water?

2. You know, Fran, it's boiling in here.

3. If Mr. Sheffield's having auditions,

4. why don't you just put on the air conditioner?

5. Val, I am not gonna have a bunch of chorus girls auditioning

6. for my future husband in a place that might be nippy.

7. Fran, don't be so insecure.

8. These women wanna be famous in the theater,

9. not famous for marrying a millionaire husband.

10. Oh, my God, there's Marla Maples.

11. - Why hello, Ms. Maples. - Hi.

12. - I'm Fran Fine. This is Val. - Hi.

13. - Hi. - I must say, I am just so sorry

14. about you and the you-know-who.

15. But I'm sure that you must have met someone already

16. and you're completely unavailable.

17. Honey, I am not about to go jump into another relationship.

18. I am on my own, and I've got my career going on.

19. Yeah, yeah. Well, you know, it's really none of my business.

20. Break a leg.

21. You see, Fran? She's not after Mr. Sheffield.

22. Val.

23. You thought I was after Maxwell?

24. Me and Max were over a long time ago.

25. Say what now?

26. Well, back when me and you-know-who were separated,

27. Max and I had a little...

28. - You know. - No, I don't know.

29. Embellish, bubbe.

30. Well, we sort of...

31. Well, we kind of— We really flirted a lot.

32. Who knows, if things had been different, maybe—

33. Miss Maples, Mr. Sheffield asked me to tell you that he's very sorry

34. but the part's been cast.

35. He will, however, keep you in mind for roles in the future.

36. You know what they say, one door closes, another opens.

37. Look at that.

38. I have not waited around five years

39. for some little Shiksa to come in and ruin my wedding.

40. Thank you, Niles.

41. You know, you could be Ma, if it weren't for the whiskers.

42. Although...

43. If anyone needs me, I'll be upstairs, preparing the guest room.

44. - Why? Who's coming? - Mr. Sheffield's brother, Nigel.

45. - He's arriving any minute. - That's great,

46. because, you know, we haven't seen Nigel,

47. since I almost ran off and married him on the boat.

48. I know. Oh, my God, Fran. What are you gonna do?

49. I don't know, you know.

50. I've kept this whole thing a secret from Maxwell all this time.

51. I'd keep going with that.

52. Oh, my God. That's him.

53. What am I gonna do? Okay, now wait. Don't panic. Don't panic

54. Calm down. Calm down. All right, look. You know what?

55. - It happened a year and a half ago. - Right.

56. - We're adults. - Yeah.

57. - We'll just act like nothing happened. - Yeah.

58. - So... Okay. - Yeah.

59. - Hi. - Hello, darling.

60. How have you been?

61. She was working in a bridal shop In Flushing, Queens

62. 'Til her boyfriend kicked her out In one of those crushing scenes

63. What was she to do? Where was she to go? She was out on her fanny

64. So, over the bridge from Flushing To the Sheffield's door

65. She was there to sell makeup But the father saw more

66. She had style, She had flair She was there

67. That's how she became the nanny

68. Who would have guessed That the girl we've described

69. Was just exactly what The doctor prescribed?

70. - Now the father finds her beguiling - Watch out, C.C.!

71. - And the kids are actually smiling - Such joie de vivre!

72. She's the lady in red When everybody else is wearing tan

73. The flashy girl from Flushing The nanny named Fran

74. Darling, you look even hotter than the last time I saw you.

75. Are you crazy?

76. What happened between you and me is over and in the past.

77. My heart now belongs to Maxwell.

78. So would you knock it off with the "darling" stuff?

79. But, baby, you're the love of my life.

80. Poor Nigel, how I have devastated you.

81. But you're just going to have to get on with your life,

82. no matter how difficult it is.

83. - Bonjour. - Fran, meet Geneviève,

84. the love of my life.

85. Well, that was a quick recovery.

86. You must be so happy to marry again, no?

87. Actually, this is my first time.

88. Really? How old are you?

89. Well, I don't know the metric conversion.

90. Listen, I gotta talk to you. You cannot breathe a word

91. - to your brother— - Nigel.

92. Yeah, look who's here. Nigel's here.

93. We were just making out— Up. Up.

94. - Making up for lost time. - Congratulations,

95. - you old dog! - Yeah, thank you.

96. - This is Geneviève. - Hello.

97. - Hello. - Geneviève is the girl

98. with whom Nigel is involved.

99. You know what, Fran? I think I should go. I'm afraid I might slip

100. - and say something— - All right, Val. Go. Go.

101. - Bye, Val, bye. - So you're Fran.

102. - Yes. - Now I remember.

103. - She is the girl you almost— - Now, Geneviève's gotta go.

104. It's jet lag, honey. Take her to her room. Bye, Geneviève.

105. Maxwell, we have three dancers to see.

106. Nigel, I didn't know you were coming.

107. Yeah. C.C.'s been away. On holiday.

108. Yes, I heard. You went crackers.

109. - Nigel. - No, Maxwell. It's quite all right.

110. They told us the most important part of our recovery

111. is admitting that we have a problem. The truth is, I was fine

112. and I'm suing the hell out of those quacks.

113. Yeah, Nigel, if you'll excuse us, I have these auditions to attend to

114. - but I'll catch up with you at dinner. - Okay.

115. Yeah, okay. Well, we'll see you at supper.

116. Don't you worry about us.

117. Nigel. Nigel.

118. You can't breathe a word of this to Maxwell because he doesn't know

119. about you and I almost running off and getting married together.

120. And we have a very honest and trusting relationship,

121. but you don't have that relationship with him,

122. so you can lie through your teeth.

123. Darling, darling, don't worry. We don't share anything. We're English.

124. And if I started telling Max about all the birds I was in love with,

125. well, we'd be here all year.

126. Well, thanks. You meant a lot to me too.

127. - Just sign here, sir. - There we are.

128. - Thank you. - Right.

129. Niles, I just heard

130. that Maxwell asked Nigel to be his best man.

131. But don't let it get you down. You'll always be the bride's maid.

132. I'm not a bit upset that he chose his brother.

133. If anything, I expected you to be the best man.

134. Another wedding gift, Miss Fine.

135. Oh my God, look.

136. It's a box from Tiffany.

137. His side.

138. No. It's a blender from Costco.

139. - Our side. - Our side.

140. You know, at my wedding, in the old country,

141. I got a blender too.

142. Her name was Pola.

143. She could take an apple in her bare hand

144. and squeeze the juice right into the glass.

145. So, Fran, have you decided on the band that you wanna play at your wedding?

146. - Well— - Your Aunt Marilyn,

147. wants her son's Hasidic heavy metal band to play.

148. What kind of a name is "Smashing Pupiks" anyway?

149. Come on. Every man has a bachelor party. It's tradition.

150. Yeah, Dad, it's tradition.

151. Would you excuse us a minute, Grace, please?

152. You're asking me to leave? I have to explain Dawson's Creek to her.

153. Come on, Fran, tell him.

154. A bachelor party doesn't bother you, right?

155. You want me to encourage him to go to a party

156. with a bunch of naked women dancing

157. - and pressing themselves up against him? - I think that's so degrading

158. to women. Quite frankly,

159. I find it a complete turn-off.

160. I think you should have one.

161. - Yes! We're gonna have a bachelor party! - Yeah!

162. And you're too young to come.

163. Fran, I cannot believe you're letting him have one.

164. I mean, they're so degrading to women.

165. Me, I'm not comfortable with my Sammy,

166. looking at other girls.

167. Yetta, Sammy is blind.

168. Yeah, but he sees with his hands.

169. - You're very naive, darling. - Why?

170. I know a man who canceled the wedding

171. because he ran off with the girl who came out of the cake.

172. - Who? - Daddy.

173. Well, isn't that ironic. You were in the cake,

174. and now the cake's in you.

175. Ma, I trust Maxwell.

176. Besides, he is just so uptight.

177. I mean, he can't even bring himself to peel the skin

178. off of a breast of chicken.

179. So get this, right? They blow up this pool,

180. and then these girls fill it with this green gelatin.

181. And you know what they say, "There's always room for gelatin."

182. I wanna go. I love jiggly stuff.

183. Ma, I trust Maxwell.

184. You heard him.

185. He doesn't have any interest in this stuff.

186. He's only doing it to humor Nigel.

187. Yeah, and I went to Hershey, Pennsylvania

188. to see the Amish.

189. Well, of course, Nigel, you realize it's a brand new computer system.

190. They're still trying work out, all the jugs—

191. Bugs!

192. You said "jugs", bro.

193. I know what I said.

194. Come on, Max, you're having a good time. Admit it.

195. Well, I'm not denying, it does have a certain...

196. Wow, is she built like a brick!

197. charm to it.

198. But let's face it, it is totally bereft of any dignity.

199. Fabulous party, sir.

200. Fabulous.

201. Well, big brother—

202. Here's to your final week of freedom.

203. Better thee than me.

204. Now, wait a minute, Nigel.

205. Now, Fran is a wonderful woman. You don't know what you're missing.

206. - To the future Mrs. Maxwell Sheffield. - Hear, hear.

207. - To my future wife. - Cheers.

208. You know, she could just as easily have been your sister-in-law,

209. if she'd accepted my proposal, last time I was here.

210. - Abso-bloody-lutely. - Yup.

211. - What? - Well, you're a lucky man, Max.

212. If she had met me on the boat like we planned, she'd be my wife today.

213. You proposed to Fran?

214. Surprise!

215. You almost married my brother?

216. See you.

217. Why won't you listen to me?

218. I told you that nothing happened between me and Nigel.

219. I find it hard to believe that a man and a woman

220. could spend so much time together,

221. with so much sexual tension, without anything happening.

222. Really? I don't.

223. I just can't believe you and Nigel were—

224. While you and I were— You know.

225. No, I don't know, because technically,

226. you and I were nothing because you were so scared

227. you couldn't even make up your mind about what we weren't.

228. - But you knew how I felt about you. - Well, I thought I did,

229. when you told me that you loved me. But then you took it back.

230. Why do you always have to bring that up?

231. Why, does it make you feel bad and guilty?

232. - Yes. - That's why I always have to bring it up.

233. - And there he is. - Come on, Max,

234. you're overreacting. How was I supposed

235. to know you were in love with Fran? You never paid her any attention.

236. You said, flat out, there was nothing going on between you.

237. Don't you know what that means?

238. How long have you known me?

239. Well, you know, to be quite honest, I mean, you are not

240. - the most communicative person— - I would tread very lightly,

241. - right now, if I were you. - Treading lightly. Treading lightly.

242. Well, obviously, I can't get through to you, so I'm leaving.

243. - And I'm taking the woman I love. - Nigel,

244. I don't love you.

245. Now, get it through your head already, and let it go.

246. You're talking about Frenchy. Yeah. Go get her.

247. Come on, honey, let's sit down and talk about this.

248. No, I, I don't have anything to say to you, Fran.

249. You have plunged a knife into my heart and twisted it.

250. Are you sure there's no Jewish blood in you?

251. I can't believe you could do something like this

252. and then not have the character to tell me about it.

253. Thank you, officer.

254. Did somebody forget something at the party?

255. He loves me not.

256. He loves me not.

257. He loves me not.

258. Ma.

259. Darling, your eyes are all red. Have you been crying?

260. The most horrible thing happened.

261. I knew it. The caterer won't make

262. a twice-baked potato.

263. Why do you always assume the worst?

264. Ma, I never told you this,

265. but, like a year and a half ago,

266. I almost ran off and married Maxwell's brother Nigel.

267. You could have been married a year and a half ago?

268. The thing is, I never told Maxwell about it.

269. And now he's found out,

270. and the whole wedding could be in jeopardy.

271. Oh, my God.

272. - Did you hear? - I'm nauseous already.

273. This is your fault.

274. You had her for all the birthdays up to 29.

275. And you had her for all the birthdays back to it.

276. Stop it, you two. This isn't about you,

277. it's about me and my life.

278. I'm the one that messed up. I'm the one

279. that almost ran out on Maxwell. I'm the one that—

280. Now, you see?

281. This is why they threw the book at me in traffic court.

282. - Good afternoon. - Sir.

283. Son,

284. we're gonna leave you alone and give you the space

285. to work it out.

286. Maxwell, I've been— What?

287. Let's go in there.

288. They walked into another room.

289. We should have had a plan B.

290. Maxwell, I know that I was wrong.

291. I should have told you.

292. I promise you, I will never,

293. ever keep anything from you again.

294. With my own brother?

295. Well, exactly. I thought,

296. you didn't want me anymore

297. and I found him very attractive.

298. I had "Sheffieldmania."

299. You know, not the real thing, but an incredible simulation.

300. I just feel very betrayed, Fran.

301. Well, what did you expect?

302. I mean, you took back telling me that you loved me,

303. and then, you're surprised that I didn't wait around for you.

304. That's not fair.

305. You can't have it both ways.

306. But, you know, I'm just beginning to think that you're making such

307. a big megillah about all this because you're looking for an excuse

308. to take back your commitment to me.

309. Well, I'm sorry if you feel that way, Fran, but I...

310. I just can't forgive you yet.

311. Well then, you know what? I'm gonna make it real easy for you.

312. Here, take back your ring.

313. Why, for the love of God?

314. No...

315. You can't do this.

316. I already dyed my shoes.

317. If you leave, I'm gonna throw myself

318. in the Hudson River.

319. Ma, flooding New Jersey, is not gonna solve anything.

320. Hello, hello.

321. Nanny Fine, about your wedding, I just came back from Crate & Barrel—

322. Shopping for a dress?

323. No, but I did see something you'd just love

324. at Husky Butler Boys.

325. Nanny Fine, what's with the suitcase? Where you going?

326. Well, you'll be happy to know that Maxwell and I had a terrible fight

327. and I gave him back the ring and the wedding is off.

328. - What? - He thinks Fran had an infidelity.

329. Please.

330. You've been hanging around him for five years.

331. You're the biggest doormat there is.

332. I know, and wouldn't you think that would count for something?

333. And when did he get so holier-than-thou?

334. You don't think Maxwell Sheffield has a roving eye?

335. I've caught him checking me out in the office.

336. Shut up.

337. Let me tell you, Maxwell Sheffield, has not spent every night

338. of the last five years doing a one-man show.

339. Miss Babcock, I think you're on to something.

340. Ma, help me unpack.

341. You do realize that you might have just pushed them

342. - into a reconciliation. - I know.

343. That damn Prozac is turning me into a caring human being.

344. And they said, there'd be no harmful side effects.

345. Maxwell, I just wanted to tell you

346. that I've been thinking about things, and I really understand

347. how you must feel. I mean,

348. I'd be really upset, if you did the same thing to me.

349. Well, I appreciate your saying that, Fran.

350. There's really no need to give back the ring.

351. I'm sure I will get through this eventually.

352. But you know, it's important for you to understand that

353. if two people don't have trust,

354. if they can't be completely open and honest with each other,

355. then all they have is— Marla. Marla.

356. I mean, Miss Maples.

357. Hey, Maxwell. I haven't seen you since

358. - that night we— - Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

359. Goodness, how long ago was that now? Six, seven years?

360. - A year and a half. - Really?

361. Really? That long. Well, my, how time flies.

362. Anyway, Marla, thank you for dropping by, and listen...

363. About that part you're interested in, it's yours.

364. I'll call you. No, no, no. I won't call you.

365. Agent. I'll call your agent.

366. Okay, I'll just show Marla out.

367. - Thanks, Marl. - No problem, sweetie.

368. I just don't want to see you go through what I'm going through.

369. Every day, I kick myself about the man that got away.

370. Listen, it didn't work out for you and Donald, but—

371. Not Donald.

372. Maxwell.

373. Your cab's waiting.

374. Well darling, I'm glad everything got straightened out.

375. So, what do you say about a spot of dinner?

376. - What are you in the mood for? - I don't know.

377. Could you go for a little crow?

378. All right. All right. Point well taken.

379. I'm sorry.

380. Suppose I haven't been much of a saint either.

381. Look, I only overreacted because, well,

382. I didn't realize how close I came to losing you.

383. And what would I have done if you'd actually gotten on that boat

384. - with Nigel? - But I didn't. I'm here with you.

385. You know, there's a word in Yiddish for that,

386. It's beshet.

387. - What does that mean? - It means, "meant to be."

388. Because no matter what happens,

389. that's what we are, meant to be.

390. We're naked without each other.

391. Like my finger.

392. Fran...

393. I love you.

394. I love you too.

395. It's back on!

396. Praise the Lord!

397. Look, another food dehydrator.

398. Well, I suppose you can never have too much jerky.

399. I'm so excited. They're delivering my gift for you.

400. Yetta, you didn't have to get me anything.

401. Nonsense. I just got you a bread maker.

402. Malka. Come on in.