The Nanny 5x20

1. Sir, I have to talk about this replacement Miss Babcock sent over.

2. I don't like her. I don't like her at all.

3. Why not? She's doing a wonderful job. She's very efficient.

4. Well, I don't know. There's just something about her

5. that rubs me the wrong way.

6. Hello, hello.

7. Maxwell, here are the documents from your attorney.

8. Niles, something's stuck to your hair.

9. - What? - A big, fat, ugly butler.

10. What's that?

11. A cell phone for Fran.

12. Yeah, I thought it would help with the planning of the wedding she has to do.

13. - What's that? - A pager.

14. With the running around she has to do,

15. I thought this and her own limo would come in handy.

16. You must've pulled a big'un.

17. - Shall I close the door? - Why don't you?

18. You're on the wrong side of it.

19. Just tell me.

20. I did have a heart attack, and the doctor says it helps thin my blood

21. if I'm kept constantly in the loop.

22. Will you stop it?

23. Well, apparently my finances are a lot more complicated than I thought.

24. My attorney thinks it's a good idea if I...

25. Well, I should...

26. I'm going to ask Fran to sign a prenuptial agreement.

27. Why don't you just walk around downtown Iraq

28. dressed as Uncle Sam? It'll be quicker.

29. Niles, this isn't just about me and Fran.

30. Apparently there are some family accounts in my name.

31. I'm responsible for my brother, my sister, their children.

32. No, I'm just going to explain this to Fran in a calm, rational, firm tone of...

33. Here's my pretty darling!

34. - Doesn't that look nice? - Very, very nice.

35. Look, I got you some presents.

36. - Presents. - A cell phone

37. - and a pager. Look, it vibrates. - Thank you. Wow.

38. It's vibrating. You better page me all the time.

39. It's for the chauffeur of your new limo.

40. Oh, my God, my own limo. I don't know, honey.

41. It just seems so show-offy.

42. Don't worry about it.

43. It has tinted windows. No one will be able see you.

44. Well, then what's the point?

45. Honey, don't forget this afternoon we're going to go see Sammy's niece, Edna.

46. She's a wedding photographer and she is supposed to be phenomenal.

47. You know, she does all of those dogs dressed as people.

48. She did The Beatles using four Yorkies.

49. It was very clever. Very clever.

50. Well, no worries, sweetheart.

51. - I've cleared the whole afternoon. - Okay.

52. There is just one little favor I'd like you to do for me.

53. What?

54. Well, it's just, there's some silly little papers I'd like you to sign.

55. Honey, sure. Whatever you need. You're the business head in this family.

56. You need me to sign something, I'll sign it,

57. just as long as it's not a prenup!

58. Niles! Niles, where are you going?

59. Somewhere else. Now you're on the wrong side of the door.

60. She was working in a bridal shop In Flushing, Queens

61. 'Til her boyfriend kicked her out In one of those crushing scenes

62. What was she to do, where was she to go? She was out on her fanny

63. So, over the bridge from Flushing To the Sheffields' door

64. She was there to sell makeup But the father saw more

65. She had style, she had flair She was there

66. That's how she became the Nanny

67. Who would have guessed That the girl we described

68. Was just exactly What the doctor prescribed?

69. - Now the father finds her beguiling - Watch out, C.C.

70. - And the kids are actually smiling - Such joie de vivre!

71. She's the lady in red When everybody else is wearing tan

72. The flashy girl from Flushing The Nanny named Fran

73. Is this the paper you want me to sign?

74. Well, it's not important right now.

75. Why don't you see your limo? It's right out front.

76. No, you said you needed to get it done, let's just do it.

77. No, what's the rush? Come on, go take a spin. It'll be fun.

78. Look, I'll page you.

79. Stop it. Honey, you're being so cute and sexy.

80. Makes me wonder what you don't want me to see in this folder.

81. All right. All right, it's a prenup.

82. Water! Water!

83. I'm swallowing my tongue!

84. - No... - I'm swallowing my tongue!

85. Sweetheart, sweetheart. Just stay calm.

86. My lawyer thought it was important due to my family's estate.

87. Did you think that just because I sacrificed five years of my life

88. to raise your children so you can go off and achieve financial success,

89. that I was going to hire some barracuda lawyer to take everything you've got,

90. so I could retire in the Riviera and go blonde?

91. Who thinks of such things?

92. Darling, it has absolutely nothing to do with us.

93. It has everything to do with us. It has to do with trust.

94. What have I ever done to make you think that I couldn't be trusted?

95. Dear Lord, are we going to open that land of the giant-sized can of worms?

96. Well, it's obvious we have different prerequisites

97. for marriage, don't we?

98. I'm surprised you didn't put a clause in here saying

99. I have to maintain a certain weight.

100. Well, he saw your mother.

101. You know, two can play at this game, too.

102. I happen to have some relatives that are notary publics/travel agents.

103. Perhaps I should have them draw up a prenup to protect some of my assets.

104. Fine. Fine, you go right ahead! But you better not waste any bloody time.

105. Don't want that Welcome Back, Kotter lunchbox

106. falling out of the family's hands.

107. Yes, what the hell do you want?

108. I want that blonde woman out of this house.

109. Hi, Ma.

110. - Hi, darling. - You look beautiful.

111. How are you doing on your diet?

112. Good.

113. I thought I'd go to the photographers with you.

114. Yetta and Sammy are on their way over.

115. - Good, do we have time to talk? - They're at the curb,

116. we have time for the Geneva Convention.

117. You know, Ma, Max and I had a terrible fight.

118. - He wants me to... - Do it!

119. - You don't even know what it is yet. - The invitations are halfway to Israel.

120. That's all I need to know.

121. He wants me to sign a...

122. A prenup.

123. Did you sign it?

124. No.

125. Why not?

126. Well, Ma, I think it shows a lack of trust.

127. You know, Shoshanna stood up to Jerry Seinfeld.

128. She refused to sign that prenup of his.

129. And she sure showed him.

130. - Hey, Fran. - B, what are you doing back?

131. I thought you were going rollerblading in the park.

132. I came back. I forgot a vital piece of equipment.

133. What?

134. Something that protects a vital piece of equipment.

135. Ma, do you remember when I found Daddy's,

136. and you said to me that it was a peanut dish?

137. Trust me, it wasn't that far from the truth.

138. But, darling, why are you getting so worked up about this?

139. Prenups are very common now.

140. Ari Onassis even put in a mattress mambo clause

141. when he married Jackie.

142. It said she had to sleep with him a certain number of times a year.

143. Sure. That he leaves out.

144. She does beautiful work.

145. I'm so sorry I'm late. I had to shoot some nudes.

146. I thought Sammy said you were shooting some dogs.

147. I didn't say they was pretty.

148. Baby, this is my niece, Edna.

149. And this is my chick.

150. - Hello. - Hello.

151. Sammy and I might want a portrait, too.

152. All we got now is a joint MRI.

153. MRI, CAT scan, angiograms.

154. We had some good times, didn't we, baby?

155. How long is this gonna take?

156. 'Cause I do have a meeting in New Haven in two hours.

157. That is why we took two limos, yours and mine.

158. Note how I separate yours from mine,

159. lest there be any confusion in the future.

160. Well, there won't be any confusion in the future

161. because what's yours is mine.

162. I smell love.

163. You must be the happy couple.

164. You're so pretty together. Aren't they pretty together?

165. - Very pretty. - Very pretty.

166. Yeah!

167. I'm Edna.

168. Come on, shake.

169. Come on. Good girl. Good girl.

170. - And I have to go. - Sit!

171. Good boy!

172. So I feel that money's probably no issue here.

173. Of course, it's an issue for me because I gotta pay my rent.

174. So, we'll start with the top of the line, shall we?

175. Excuse me, I just need to squeeze in here.

176. Yes. Now, this wedding package comes with this fabulous wedding favor.

177. A 3D pop-up version of the front table.

178. It's very popular.

179. I really don't see why you can't see my side of this.

180. It's just a piece of paper. If it'll make me happy,

181. why can't you just sign the bloody thing?

182. Well, I'm sorry I did not realize

183. that this marriage is all about just making you happy.

184. You know, we could make this talk.

185. Thank you for coming.

186. Thank you for the blender.

187. Okay. So are you the mother?

188. - Yeah. - She over 30?

189. You need to help me out here.

190. Wow, these Triscuits are really stale.

191. Yetta, you're eating liver snaps.

192. Oh, my God, with milk? It's not kosher.

193. This is ridiculous. I'm not going to change my mind,

194. now I have to leave.

195. Why are you harping on this disgusting issue?

196. Push, push, push! You were the one that was so desperate to get married.

197. Me?

198. Yes. That's our story and we're sticking with it.

199. Now, you know where I stand on this matter.

200. And what happens now is entirely up to you.

201. Well, what is that supposed to mean exactly?

202. If I don't sign the prenup, the wedding is off?

203. All right. All right, yes. That's exactly what this means.

204. I'm going to faint! Somebody catch me!

205. I've got you, Sylvia.

206. Val, it was horrible.

207. He said that the wedding is off unless I sign,

208. and I just know there's no way to resolve this.

209. I don't know why I'm bothering to make plans.

210. Yes, hello. I said velour yarmulkes. Velour. Thank you.

211. You know, Fran, why don't you just sign the stupid thing?

212. He loves you, he wants to marry you

213. and if, God forbid, you do split up, this provides for you as well, right?

214. Yeah, well, I guess so.

215. And not only is he protecting the same kids you want to protect,

216. his family's probably pressuring him too.

217. I mean, to them, you're a nothing off the street.

218. Well, as am I.

219. So he's probably trying to get them off his back as well, right?

220. - Yeah, well, I guess so. - Yeah.

221. So from where I'm sitting, it makes perfect sense

222. that he would want a prenup.

223. You know, I think that ginkgo's beginning to kick in.

224. No, no. It's that one.

225. The ginkgo.

226. So many phones. Hello?

227. Yes, this is the Sheffield residence.

228. Oh, my God. Yes.

229. Yes, okay. Yes, thank you. Thank you, I'll be right over.

230. Oh, my God. Brighton got into an accident playing roller hockey.

231. He hit his head. He's at St. Paul's Hospital.

232. Listen to me. You have got to call Mr. Sheffield's assistant

233. and tell her to call him. Then call Gracie's friend Marcy's house

234. and tell her to send Gracie right home. Then wait here for Maggie

235. to come home from ballet class and tell Maggie to wait here for Gracie,

236. and then take Gracie to the hospital and meet me there.

237. Fran!

238. Val, Brighton's going to be okay.

239. No! I don't know anything you just said to me.

240. I'll call you from the car.

241. Brighton Sheffield! Brighton Sheffield!

242. I'm here to see Brighton Sheffield. Where is he? Is he okay?

243. We just brought him down from a CAT scan and he's back in his room.

244. You his mother?

245. Well, obviously it doesn't say his age on that chart.

246. I'm his nanny.

247. Now, where is he, where can I go?

248. Are you a legal guardian?

249. Well, no, but just point me where his room is.

250. I'm sorry, you can't see him. It's immediate family only.

251. He's a minor. Those are the rules.

252. Oh, my God.

253. You know, honey, you could buy

254. a lot of liquid white shoe polish for this.

255. No.

256. When a family member gets here, you can go in then.

257. But they told me to rush right down here, and I did.

258. That's all they said I had to do was come here, and that's what I did!

259. Now give my daughter her shot!

260. Well, it worked in Terms of Endearment.

261. - Hello, Sister. - Hey, bro. I mean,

262. my child.

263. - He'll be fine, just a little concussion. - Oh, thank God.

264. You're allowed to wear makeup? What order are you from?

265. The, the Sisters of the Divine

266. Miss M.

267. Shalom.

268. B, B, can you hear me?

269. Sister, I swear,

270. I don't know how I wrote the exact same story as John Steinbeck.

271. Brighton, Brighton, it's me, Fran.

272. I'm the one that taught you how to do that, remember?

273. How did this happen to you?

274. Well, I was skating with these two cute girls,

275. and really fast towards a brick wall, and...

276. And?

277. And they knew how to turn.

278. - Is he okay? - Yes, yes.

279. He'll be fine. It's just a little bump on the head.

280. Lemme fill you in on what happened.

281. Fran, isn't it obvious?

282. He was chasing after some girl he didn't have a chance with,

283. and ran into a wall.

284. Nurse says no dairy.

285. And then they wouldn't let Fran in, so she had to dress up like a nun.

286. Or sourdough.

287. Well, can I at least have the cookie?

288. It's raisin. You don't like it.

289. Now, honey, why weren't you wearing your helmet?

290. Don't you know that you always have to use protection?

291. That goes for you too, missy.

292. Fran, I don't know why you're getting so upset. I'm fine.

293. What, are you kidding me? I was so worried. I love you guys so much.

294. I don't want anything to ever happen to any of you.

295. Don't you know that you mean the world to me?

296. Hello there.

297. Well, I've just been filled in by the doctor,

298. and it seems we can take you home.

299. Just gonna have a bit of a headache for a few days.

300. Give you a glimpse into the world of marriage.

301. You will just buy anything at a sale, won't you?

302. They wouldn't let her in because she's not family

303. or his legal guardian.

304. Look, I'm...

305. I'm sorry.

306. Well, I'm sorry, too. I...

307. I shouldn't have let you leave angry.

308. Well, I just never... Well, I really

309. cannot talk to you dressed like that.

310. It's a whole boarding school thing. It makes me very uncomfortable.

311. You? I'm wearing the clothes of a woman that never marries and

312. lives a life of celibacy.

313. Oy, did I miss my calling?

314. Goodnight, Piles.

315. Niles.

316. You say tomato...

317. You know something, lady?

318. You're just a pale imitation of the C.C. Babcock I know.

319. You're not half the man she is.

320. You know, Niles, it's a shame we didn't get along.

321. I find myself strangely attracted to you.

322. You said I was a big, fat, ugly butler.

323. You don't know my type.

324. Taking the night off. If I'm not back in the morning,

325. yay!

326. Hi.

327. So, where did you disappear to after we brought B home?

328. Well, I took a little walk.

329. The phone call every parent dreads.

330. Had to give my insides time to fall back into place.

331. I hear you. Boy, It sort of makes everything else seem so unimportant.

332. That's what I wanted to talk to you about.

333. I decided to sign the prenup.

334. - Really? - Yep.

335. You know, I know I want to spend the rest of my life with you,

336. so if this is what it takes, then fine. Give it to me.

337. All right.

338. Now, this is the place where you're supposed to say,

339. "No, darling, I trust you,

340. "and I know we're going to spend the rest of our lives together." You know?

341. Give me it.

342. You know, Fran, You were right when you said

343. what happened today put everything into perspective.

344. This doesn't look anything like the papers you gave me before.

345. That's because they're not.

346. - They're not? - No. This is.

347. Those are the first stages of the adoption papers.

348. I want you to be the children's mother. Legally.

349. You do?

350. I always thought Sara and I

351. would be raising the children together and then,

352. well, I never really thought they'd be truly happy again.

353. But you know, they are.

354. And that's thanks to you.

355. I just love the children so very much.

356. And I love you.

357. And I meant what I said before. I want to sign this prenup.

358. I just want to add a little Ari Onassis clause.

359. Don't worry, it's a win-win thing.

360. - Sweetheart, that won't be necessary. - Why?

361. Because, this is the time I say I trust you

362. and I know we'll be happy for the rest of our lives.

363. Hey, Yetta, what are you reading?

364. The Money Club.

365. Some Park Avenue ladies invested their money together and made a fortune.

366. So I got all the gals at the home to pool their resources.

367. What are you going to invest in?

368. We bought the book.

369. Where are you going?

370. I have to go with Fran to traffic court.

371. She's going to talk her way out of a parking ticket.

372. Come on, honey.

373. We'll go pick up a knish on the way.