1. Niles, what is that sickeningly sweet,
overpowering smell?
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2. The cologne you gave me for my birthday.
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3. Don't you just love it?
What's it called again?
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4. "Tester."
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5. Say, wait a minute.
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6. Cologne? What's that? New oven mitts?
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7. And you're wearing a girdle.
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8. Miss Babcock is coming home
from the sanitarium.
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9. This has nothing to do with her.
I'm wearing it because I pulled my back.
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10. yeah, sure, and I wear a Wonderbra
because I sprained my breasts.
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11. - Hi, darling.
- Good morning, darling.
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12. What have we here?
The proposal from the wedding planner?
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13. - Yeah.
- Now, tell me, is the caterer
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14. gonna be charging us by the person
or by the couple?
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15. Well, after all the samples
that me and Ma consumed,
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16. the caterer decided to charge my side
of the family per person as a couple.
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17. Well, that's outrageous.
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18. The bartender's doing the same thing
with your side.
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19. We don't really have to use this guy.
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20. I mean, I could plan this wedding myself.
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21. No, no. We want it to be nice.
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22. I mean, you know, fancy. Classy.
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23. When do they need the deposit?
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24. You don't think that I can make
a nice affair?
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25. Listen, I know how it's done.
You just need a very good theme.
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26. Something that's elegant and understated.
Starlight Express. Do you skate?
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27. Frannie, it's not that the Duchess of Kent
wouldn't love to arrive at the dais
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28. on Rollerblades, but you're my princess.
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29. I want this to be the wedding
of your dreams.
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30. But
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31. this is the wedding of my dreams.
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32. Sir, it's your brother
with some urgent news.
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33. Yes, Nigel, what is it?
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34. Oh, my God. I see.
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35. Yes, well, thank you for calling.
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36. - Goodbye.
- What?
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37. That was Nigel. Apparently, last night,
my father passed away.
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38. Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
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39. Hello, hello, I'm back.
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40. Well, what's with the sourpusses?
Who died?
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41. She was working in a bridal shop
In Flushing, Queens
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42. 'Til her boyfriend kicked her out
In one of those crushing scenes
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43. What was she to do, where was she to go?
She was out on her fanny
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44. So, over the bridge from Flushing
To the Sheffields' door
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45. She was there to sell makeup
But the father saw more
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46. She had style, she had flair
She was there
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47. That's how she became the Nanny
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48. Who would have guessed
That the girl we've described
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49. Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed?
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50. - Now the father finds her beguiling
- Watch out, C.C.
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51. - And the kids are actually smiling
- Such joie de vivre!
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52. She's the lady in red
When everybody else is wearing tan
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53. The flashy girl from Flushing
The Nanny named Fran
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54. Let's have the Sheffields in here, please.
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55. - Max, Hello.
- Chandler.
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56. - Thank you.
- Sit here.
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57. I'm just so embarrassed.
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58. I mean, I hardly knew Grandpa
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59. but I felt close to him,
after all those heartfelt cards
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60. his secretary wrote us on our birthdays.
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61. She never forgot.
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62. You know, honey, just let it out.
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63. But at least you know what happened
to your grandpa.
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64. Mine stepped into a magician's box
in the Catskills
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65. and was never seen again.
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66. Many years later, someone spotted him
with a magician's assistant in Miami,
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67. but nothing was ever proven.
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68. Please be seated.
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69. First of all, let me say how sorry I am
for your loss.
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70. Maggs. It's okay.
I cried like a baby, too, when I realized
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71. how much money we're gonna inherit.
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72. Brighton, please.
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73. Not everything is just about money,
you know.
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74. Really, Brighton,
have a little more sensitivity.
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75. It happens to be very traumatic
when a man loses his father.
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76. He's no longer the son
looking up to somebody.
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77. He's now the one that's next
in line to die.
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78. It's lonely. It's aging.
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79. Thanks, dear.
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80. Lean on me, baby.
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81. Anyway, getting down to business,
your father left you all...
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82. What? The race horses, the Ferrari,
the country house in Tuscany?
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83. - A video tape.
- Damn.
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84. Brighton, please, look, your grandfather
may have been cold, selfish
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85. and detached, but to me,
he will always be "sir."
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86. In any case, Mr. Sheffield, Senior,
made this tape
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87. to convey his plans regarding his estate.
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88. - I can never get this thing to work.
- Give me that.
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89. Channel three, video one, extended play.
Go, go.
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90. To my three children
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91. who've enjoyed all the privileges
of the Sheffield name and upbringing,
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92. I leave my sincere wishes
for a long and happy life
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93. and a few little trinkets
for the grandchildren.
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94. Please tell me the race horse's name
is "Trinket."
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95. Yes, and what about the bulk
of his estate?
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96. You may be wondering what the plans are
for the bulk of my estate.
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97. - Yes.
- Well, let me explain.
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98. Too bad you two couldn't communicate
like this when he was alive.
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99. There's a woman who was never able
to enjoy the privileges
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100. that come along with being a Sheffield.
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101. My fourth child, Concepcion.
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102. What... Where did this
fourth child come from?
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103. Well, I guess Concepcion
wasn't immaculate.
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104. To her, I leave my entire estate.
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105. Well, that's that, then.
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106. Good luck. Goodbye.
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107. Ta-ta.
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108. I can't believe this.
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109. Send her in, please.
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110. I'm Maria de la Concepcion
Bustillo Garcia Delamo... Sheffield.
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111. It is your father's wish that his estate
in the amount of $100 million goes to her.
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112. Auntie Concepcion.
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113. Brighton, would you knock it off?
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114. Look, my father was such a philanderer,
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115. he'd believe anyone who claimed
to be his child.
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116. What proof do we have this woman
and I are related?
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117. Well, let's get to know her a little bit.
Hi, honey. Are you married?
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118. Well, I was living with a man
for five years
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119. but I couldn't make a commitment.
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120. Well, there's your DNA test.
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121. I cannot believe how many people
showed up for that memorial.
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122. My tongue is so dry from putting stamps
on all these thank-you notices.
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123. Are you sure I wasn't mentioned
in the will?
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124. He always said I was like a son to him.
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125. You were. You got bubkes too.
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126. I'm supposed to be jumping up and down
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127. because Grandpa left me
a cracked porcelain doll?
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128. You could buy a car with how much that
stamp collection you inherited is worth.
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129. You know, most people don't have
what we have.
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130. Maybe this will give you the opportunity
to understand something beyond
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131. your privileged existence.
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132. You do know if Dad hasn't socked anything
away, he's gonna dip into your trust fund.
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133. He can do that?
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134. You know, I don't believe you kids.
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135. You just lost your grandfather,
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136. you just found out that you have
a new member of the family,
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137. and all you three are focused on
is the money.
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138. I'm very disappointed in you,
and think you should go to your rooms
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139. - and really think about this.
- Sorry, Fran.
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140. - Yeah, well.
- Well, Brighton brought it up.
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141. She's always been poor. What's it to her?
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142. Can you believe those kids?
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143. Making something out of nothing?
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144. They are making something
out of nothing, aren't they?
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145. After not having been in my apartment
for three months,
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146. I really had to air it out.
It smelled like a cat died in there.
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147. You have a dog.
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148. We're taking care of him.
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149. Perhaps what you smelled in your apartment
was the stench of your decaying youth.
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150. You know, Niles,
I learned something at the place.
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151. If 220 volts of electricity can't hurt me,
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152. 300 pounds of butler sure can't.
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153. Well, are you happy to have
your little friend home?
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154. It's all right.
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155. So, isn't it a pity that Maxwell's father
left all his money to a trollop?
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156. He left something for me?
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157. Oh, you meant her.
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158. So, Nanny Fine, what are you gonna do
now that the wedding's off?
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159. Well, who said anything
about the wedding being off?
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160. Nanny Fine, without his inheritance,
Maxwell will run out of money like that.
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161. It takes a lot of money
to keep you looking that cheap.
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162. Well, for your information,
it would not matter to me
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163. if Maxwell were completely broke,
because I am not in it for the money.
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164. I'm in it for love.
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165. Well, isn't that sweet?
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166. We'll see if you feel the same way
when Maxwell has to move in
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167. with you and your mother.
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168. Think about it, Nanny Fine.
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169. Hi, honey.
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170. Bad news. The doctor says
I gotta quit the paper route.
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171. I'm getting too big for the bike.
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172. Darling, come here, and let Daddy
give you some sugar.
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173. Look, here. I was looking
through the want ads.
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174. I thought I'd circle a few things
you were qualified to do.
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175. But there's nothing circled here, my pet.
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176. No kidding.
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177. Now, this is ridiculous.
We're overreacting.
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178. I mean, a smart man like Mr. Sheffield
isn't gonna burn through his own money
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179. because he knows that he's got
his father's hundred mil coming.
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180. We would but he wouldn't.
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181. Well, I'm sure you're right.
There's nothing to worry about.
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182. If Maxwell were seriously
counting on his inheritance,
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183. he'd be rushing off to London
to contest the will.
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184. Just off to London on the Concorde.
Nothing to worry about.
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185. Well, I must say, so far, I am enjoying
my return to sanity very much.
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186. I can't believe this is happening.
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187. I love this house.
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188. Well, get used to it, Ma, because we're
one step away from the poor house.
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189. I hate the poor house.
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190. Look, we're just going to have to learn
to economize, that's all.
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191. I mean, the kids will get used
to wearing hand-me-downs.
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192. Maggie will give her skirts to Gracie.
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193. Gracie will give her skirts to me.
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194. What are you, nuts?
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195. What is the one thing that I taught you?
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196. Death begins in the colon?
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197. That, and don't give up without a fight.
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198. Go and get that inheritance back
from Conception.
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199. Why should she wind up with our money?
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200. She's not even a real Sheffield like us.
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201. Ma, we're just gonna have to learn
to save like normal people.
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202. Beginning with, why is Mr. Sheffield
paying for this wedding?
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203. Isn't it traditional
for the bride's parents to pay for it?
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204. Haven't you guys been saving for years?
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205. Well, we were, but when you turned 30,
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206. we thought it was safe to spend it
on a Buick.
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207. Ma, I'm just so worried
about the Sheffields.
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208. I mean, they're used to
the finer things in life.
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209. They're not like me.
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210. I know what it's like to scrimp,
struggle, go hungry.
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211. You're gonna march your tuchus
right down to that gold digger's hotel
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212. and protect your family
from losing all of this.
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213. I know. Max and the kids mean everything.
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214. What Max? I'm talking about me and Daddy.
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215. Francesca. What a surprise.
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216. I love what you're wearing.
You got such great taste.
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217. Ma, I want you to meet Concepcion.
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218. - And this is my mother.
- Consuela.
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219. Sylvi-oh.
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220. - You see, that's how I want my hair.
- You see, that's how I want my hair.
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221. Consuelo, you really had a pretty
hot affair with Maxwell's father?
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222. Yes, I was a flamenco dancer.
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223. So, why did you stop?
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224. Who says I stopped?
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225. - Fran, come sit down.
- Okay.
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226. - So, what can I do for you?
- Look, let's not beat around the bush.
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227. Where is the room service menu?
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228. - Here it is.
- Okay.
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229. It's so hard for me to accept
that this is all mine.
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230. But I guess I'll have to adapt.
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231. You know, Concepcion, me and your brother
are gonna be married in less than a month,
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232. and if you and your mother
are still in town,
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233. I'd just love you to come and pay
for the wedding. Did I say pay?
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234. - We'd love to come.
- Oh, good.
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235. This platter looks like
it's enough for us.
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236. No, no. It says, "served from 8 to 11."
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237. Well, that's no good.
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238. - Let me offer you something to drink.
- Okay.
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239. You know, Connie,
just a little hypothetical here.
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240. What if, like, you had all of my money?
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241. What would be a tactful way for me
to ask for it back
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242. and still come out smelling like a rose?
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243. You're so funny, chica.
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244. "Funny chica," that's me.
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245. - You and I are gonna be good friends.
- Good.
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246. - Fran.
- Yes?
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247. You know, my whole life,
I felt I was nothing
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248. and that my father was ashamed of me.
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249. But him leaving me all this money
proves that I lived in his heart.
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250. You're so lucky.
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251. You have a home, beautiful children
and a man who loves you.
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252. Double oy.
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253. You know, Niles, when I was away at the
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254. place,
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255. it was really scary because
when I was all doped up,
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256. I kept hearing these voices.
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257. "Maxwell loves Fran."
"You're alone and old."
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258. "You have to wear a straightjacket
to feel a man's arms around you."
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259. That was you?
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260. You did come and visit me, you old softy.
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261. Oh, God, all is right with the world.
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262. Maxwell's father is dead.
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263. He left Maxwell broke
and in desperate need of a rich wife.
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264. Welcome home, sir.
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265. Is it hot in here?
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266. Welcome home, Maxwell.
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267. How's the family, sir?
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268. Well, they're dealing with it
as best they can, Niles.
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269. Nigel wanted to contest the will,
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270. but the lawyer seems to think
it's ironclad.
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271. That is despicable.
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272. Maxwell, let me put this delicately:
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273. I have 20 mil. I'll buy my own ring.
I have no pride.
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274. I've missed that sense of humor, C.C.
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275. Hi, honey. I'm so glad you're home.
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276. - I missed you.
- Darling. I've missed you too.
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277. - How'd it go?
- Well, the will is incontestable,
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278. I'm afraid, but...
Niles, there's a list here of things
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279. from my father's estate that have to go
to Concepcion. A few dusty old antiquities
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280. - we can live without.
- Sir, this just isn't fair.
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281. Miss Babcock's not on the list.
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282. Honey, I wanna talk to you.
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283. I've given this a lot of thought,
and you know,
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284. I have been poor, and I can be poor again,
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285. but you don't know what it is to be broke.
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286. - And you got the kids to think about...
- No, wait, Fran, what are you saying?
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287. Well, I'm saying that
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288. if you need to marry a woman
with money to preserve your lifestyle,
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289. I will understand and I'll let you out
of your commitment.
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290. It's just as easy to marry a rich girl
as it is to marry a poor one.
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291. That's an interesting saying.
I've not heard that one before.
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292. Me and my big mouth.
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293. Fran, are you sure you don't
want to reconsider?
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294. I mean, it is just as easy to marry
a rich man as it is to marry a poor one.
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295. Actually, it's not.
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296. Fran, I'm not broke. Far from it.
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297. I'm a very successful Broadway producer.
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298. Sometimes, I'm a very successful producer.
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299. I have had a hit on occasion.
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300. Come on, look,
they're not taking everything.
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301. Honey, tell me the truth.
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302. You can be honest with me.
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303. We are not going to starve.
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304. Unless your mother moves in with us.
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305. Look, we're not down and out yet.
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306. Don't worry, I've still got
a few things up my sleeve.
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307. Your watch, sir.
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308. Thank you.
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309. Sweetie, don't worry about it.
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310. I'll replace it wholesale from Avenue K.
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311. Which incidentally, is gonna be
the first letter of your new Cartier.
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312. That is so sweet of you.
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313. Honey, you know, I was trying
to help you today
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314. - and I went over to Waldorf Towers...
- Oh, no, Fran. Dear God.
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315. You didn't go traipsing over to see
Concepcion and talk her into giving back
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316. the money against
my father's dying wishes?
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317. What did she say?
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318. I couldn't ask her for it, sweetie.
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319. I just felt so sorry for her.
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320. I mean, she's got all that money but
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321. - I've got you.
- Darling.
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322. Do you know what worried me most
about my father dying
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323. and leaving me nothing?
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324. The leaving you nothing part?
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325. No.
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326. The thought about losing you.
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327. I mean, you know, I'm not the man
I was when I proposed to you, Fran.
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328. Wait. We are still talking
about the money.
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329. I mean, there wasn't like an accident
or anything?
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330. No, no, just the money.
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331. Sweetie, I love you so much.
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332. For richer, for poorer.
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333. which I'm hoping is at least
a split-level in Long Island?
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334. Darling, it won't have to come to that.
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335. I want you to have the house
of your dreams.
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336. But that is the house of my dreams.
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337. - Sir.
- Niles.
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338. Chandler, what are you doing here?
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339. I have just come from a meeting
with Concepcion
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340. who has decided to share her
inheritance with her new siblings.
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341. - What?
- What?
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342. But I don't understand. I thought you said
you didn't ask for the money.
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343. I didn't. I just welcomed her
into the family.
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344. Which is all she ever really wanted.
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345. Baby, you're the greatest.
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346. You know, Miss Babcock,
with Mr. Sheffield and Miss Fine
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347. doing so well, no one would fault you
if you went back to the asylum
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348. for a little jolt.
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349. Actually, Niles,
I think I'm handling it very well.
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350. What?
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351. I'm just responding to what you said.
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352. I didn't say a word.
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353. What do you mean? I distinctly heard
you say something about the asylum.
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354. Are you insinuating
that I am in some way...
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355. Wasn't Niles just here?
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356. I didn't see him.
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357. Tell your father that I'll be back
in a few weeks.
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