1. What are you doing?Copy !req
2. We're arm wrestling to see
who gets your room.Copy !req
3. Niles, she's a little girl.Copy !req
4. You're hurting me.Copy !req
5. I'm sorry.Copy !req
6. Sucker!Copy !req
7. Meanwhile, you're so busy deciding
who gets my room.Copy !req
8. Where am I supposed to sleep?Copy !req
9. Once you're married,
you'll move in with Daddy.Copy !req
10. Oh, my God!
This just keeps getting better and better.Copy !req
11. There's my adorable new roommate now.Copy !req
12. Morning, darling.Copy !req
13. You know, Sweetie, last night,
you didn't give me somethingCopy !req
14. that I'm used to getting
from you every week.Copy !req
15. Fran, since we got engaged,
I didn't thinkCopy !req
16. I had to give it you anymore.Copy !req
17. Wait. I know what I'm talking
about. What are you talking about?Copy !req
18. Your paycheck.Copy !req
19. Thank God.
That's what I'm talking about too.Copy !req
20. But honey,
even though we're getting married,Copy !req
21. I still wanna work.Copy !req
22. We have always been
a two-income family.Copy !req
23. Yes, dear, but your income
always came out of my income.Copy !req
24. I still wanna have a career.Copy !req
25. I don't wanna be one of those wivesCopy !req
26. that just sits around having lunch
with the girlsCopy !req
27. or shopping
or getting their hair done.Copy !req
28. All right, you know what?
Maybe I'll try it for a couple of weeks.Copy !req
29. She was working in a bridal shop
In Flushing, QueensCopy !req
30. 'Til her boyfriend kicked her out
In one of those crushing scenesCopy !req
31. What was she to do, where was she to go?
She was out on her fannyCopy !req
32. So, over the bridge from Flushing
To the Sheffields' doorCopy !req
33. She was there to sell makeup
But the father saw moreCopy !req
34. She had style, she had flair
She was thereCopy !req
35. That's how she became the NannyCopy !req
36. Who would have guessed
That the girl we describedCopy !req
37. Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed?Copy !req
38. - Now the father finds her beguiling
- Watch out, C.C.Copy !req
39. - And the kids are actually smiling
- Such joie de vivre!Copy !req
40. She is the lady in red
When everybody else is wearing tanCopy !req
41. The flashy girl from Flushing
The Nanny named FranCopy !req
42. C.C., I'm going through
these wedding responsesCopy !req
43. and I see that you've only R.S.V.P.-ed
for one.Copy !req
44. You sure you don't want to bring a guest?Copy !req
45. Well, I thought I might go with you.Copy !req
46. Is that inappropriate?Copy !req
47. Well, I am marrying Fran.
I thought, I might sit with her.Copy !req
48. Of course. You think I'm serious?Copy !req
49. Can I catch a ride with you guys?Copy !req
50. Maxwell,Copy !req
51. I have two very important things
to talk to you about the wedding.Copy !req
52. I say we honeymoon in the Caribbean
and we don't leave our suite for 36 hours.Copy !req
53. Wow, I was thinking kishka or potato,
but your way's good too.Copy !req
54. Maxwell, will you get off
this damn wedding!Copy !req
55. We are on a deadline for this musical.
Maybe we should just cancel it.Copy !req
56. Well, C.C., we have investors
we have to answer to.Copy !req
57. I meant the wedding.Copy !req
58. You know, C.C., I am a little concerned
about this whole ideaCopy !req
59. of us producing a urban rap musical
in the first place.Copy !req
60. I mean, we're not exactly cutting edge,
are we?Copy !req
61. Come on. Who's more cutting edge than you?Copy !req
62. Who is the one that thought
of putting Charles Nelson ReillyCopy !req
63. and Rip Taylor in Love Letters?Copy !req
64. My love.Copy !req
65. Nanny Fine, we have work to do.Copy !req
66. Now, he may belong to you
in every other room in this houseCopy !req
67. but in this room, he is mine!Copy !req
68. - C.C., would you give us a minute?
- Okay!Copy !req
69. Ma, put the rosette down.Copy !req
70. It's plaster. You wanna scrape
your esophagus again?Copy !req
71. - Miss Fine, Mrs. Fine, welcome.
- Hi.Copy !req
72. I'm Dirk, your wedding coordinator.Copy !req
73. And may I say we are honored
that you selected usCopy !req
74. for the Fine-Sheffield reception?Copy !req
75. It's truly the wedding of the century!Copy !req
76. Well, it took nearly that long to happen.Copy !req
77. Now, Dirk, I just wanna tell you,
ours is a mixed marriage.Copy !req
78. He's from drinkers, we're from eaters,
so let's plan the menu accordingly.Copy !req
79. That is fun, fun, funny, fun, fun!Copy !req
80. Now, may I suggest as your guests arrive,Copy !req
81. we wow them with an ice sculpture
of the Trevi Fountain?Copy !req
82. A fountain sounds nice,
but can they make it out of chopped liver?Copy !req
83. Challenge, challenge, challenge.Copy !req
84. I love it. I love it.Copy !req
85. Okay, now we have over 75 hors d'oeuvres
to choose from.Copy !req
86. Would you like to taste them,
or would you trust me—Copy !req
87. - Taste.
- Okay.Copy !req
88. Assistant! Assistant!Copy !req
89. I'm working with a
new person. Forgive me.Copy !req
90. Look at me, I'm like Regis
without Kathie Lee.Copy !req
91. Ma, you know, I have a little problem
I need to talk to you about.Copy !req
92. Mr. Sheffield
doesn't want me to work anymore.Copy !req
93. And the conundrum would be...?Copy !req
94. I mean, it's not as if I'm not gonna be
busy enough performing my wifely dutiesCopy !req
95. and God knows I've had that stored up
for five years.Copy !req
96. Who's gonna have the energy to work?Copy !req
97. But still, I wanna feel like I contribute
something to the marriage.Copy !req
98. Sure you will. You're his partner in life.Copy !req
99. You're the woman behind the man.Copy !req
100. Help him. Support him. Be there for him.Copy !req
101. Never refuse him.Copy !req
102. You get me?Copy !req
103. I get you.
You're talking about dinner, right?Copy !req
104. What else is there?Copy !req
105. Now, would it be too presumptuous
to ask about the releasing of the doves?Copy !req
106. No doves. There's no meat on them.Copy !req
107. You call this a wedding menu?Copy !req
108. Ceviche, sashimi, squid?Copy !req
109. Who the heck is the chef, Jules Verne?Copy !req
110. And the seating plan is a nightmare.Copy !req
111. I've got a lord, a lady and a countess,Copy !req
112. sitting next to a Cookie, an Izzy
and a Schmooey.Copy !req
113. We're back. Sammy, Yetta,
we're leaving in an hour.Copy !req
114. So start putting on your coats now.Copy !req
115. - Fran.
- Yes?Copy !req
116. Before we hit the road,
I have a favor to ask of you.Copy !req
117. Do you think Mr. Sheffield could get
my grandson a job on Broadway?Copy !req
118. I don't know, Sammy.Copy !req
119. I mean, I really don't like
to interfere in Maxwell's business.Copy !req
120. Since when?Copy !req
121. Since I got a lot more than six bucks
an hour to lose.Copy !req
122. He's a brilliant rapper. A great artist.Copy !req
123. Last December, he rapped for Puff Daddy.Copy !req
124. A brilliant rap artist? Ma, come here.Copy !req
125. Did you hear that? This is my opportunity.Copy !req
126. Maxwell is producing a rap musical.Copy !req
127. It's all about violent gangs that fight
in the street and every so often,Copy !req
128. stop to sing poignantly about it.Copy !req
129. Well, darling, here's your chance.
What are you waiting for?Copy !req
130. Now you can be the woman
behind the man.Copy !req
131. You know, where your father would be
today if I hadn't pushed him?Copy !req
132. Not collecting disability?Copy !req
133. Well, Ty, you can rest easily tonight.Copy !req
134. Yes, I have found the perfect star
for your rap musical.Copy !req
135. No, he's fresh off the streets,
he's talented, he's dynamic.Copy !req
136. You can see for yourself Tuesday night.Copy !req
137. - You've found someone yet?
- No.Copy !req
138. Make that Wednesday night.Copy !req
139. Oh, God, I knew this was a mistake to try
and do this musical.Copy !req
140. Maxwell, you know what you need?
You need a break.Copy !req
141. Why don't you and I charter a yacht
and just sail down to St. Barths.Copy !req
142. That's where I'm taking Fran
for our honeymoon.Copy !req
143. Well, doesn't Miss Special
get to do everything.Copy !req
144. Maxwell, I have found the perfect star
for your new musical.Copy !req
145. It's a relative of mine.Copy !req
146. Nanny Fine, no one wants to hear
your relatives speak,Copy !req
147. let alone sing.Copy !req
148. Darling, you shouldn't go worrying
your pretty little headCopy !req
149. with all our business.Copy !req
150. No, you should be busy planning
our wedding.Copy !req
151. Are you patronizing me?Copy !req
152. No, baby. No, of course not.Copy !req
153. Wait a minute.
Why won't you let me help you?Copy !req
154. I mean, it's not as if
I've ever screwed up—Copy !req
155. Okay, switching gears.Copy !req
156. My guy Irwin rapped with Puff Daddy.Copy !req
157. - Really?
- That's right.Copy !req
158. He turned us down. He didn't think,
we were hip enough for him.Copy !req
159. No, don't tell me you bored him
with that Mary Martin trivia.Copy !req
160. Well, a lot of people don't know
she's Larry Hagman's mother.Copy !req
161. C.C., look, maybe it's worth a chance.
Maybe this Irwin has some talent.Copy !req
162. Maxwell,
our entire professional reputationCopy !req
163. is resting on the expertise of a womanCopy !req
164. who thinks The Importance of Being EarnestCopy !req
165. is the sequel to Ernest Scared Stupid!Copy !req
166. It's not like we've done any better,
is it?Copy !req
167. Besides, maybe Fran has exactly
what we need.Copy !req
168. Woah! Now, just wait a minute!Copy !req
169. This is business and business is my turf!Copy !req
170. - No, I want to go with her guy.
- Okay!Copy !req
171. Are you still upset about the wedding?Copy !req
172. I have something that'll cheer you up.Copy !req
173. Single girls, gather round.Copy !req
174. Listen, I still have a chance with Maxwell
as long as I am his business partner.Copy !req
175. And I am in this house every single day!Copy !req
176. Yes, and why should you lose your job?Copy !req
177. I mean, it's not as though she's in there
with some brilliant casting idea.Copy !req
178. Come on.
That won't break up your partnership.Copy !req
179. When Yoko married John,
did that break up The Beatles?Copy !req
180. Fran, I know that this is last minute,
but can I bring a date to the wedding?Copy !req
181. He's really cute.Copy !req
182. Does he have a brother?Copy !req
183. Force of habit. I got to stop that.Copy !req
184. Sure, sweetie.Copy !req
185. That's Sammy's grandson, the future star
of your father's new musical.Copy !req
186. Thanks to me.
But I don't want to toot my own horn.Copy !req
187. Hi, Sammy. I didn't know you were coming.Copy !req
188. Well, somebody had to drive Irwin.Copy !req
189. Well, where is he?Copy !req
190. Hi. I'm Irwin.Copy !req
191. Hi. I'm scared.Copy !req
192. Do you always dress that way
to sing or were you just audited?Copy !req
193. I don't sing
and I don't make enough to get audited.Copy !req
194. What do you mean you don't sing?Copy !req
195. Your grandfather told me
that you're a great rapper.Copy !req
196. I'm the best.
You got Scotch tape, paper, and a ribbon?Copy !req
197. You're a gift-wrapper?Copy !req
198. Sammy, why did you tell me that he rapped
for Puff Daddy?Copy !req
199. Well, he did last Christmas.Copy !req
200. Puff likes lots of bows
and those little plastic Santas and—Copy !req
201. Who cares!Copy !req
202. Why did you tell your grandfather
that you wanted to work on Broadway?Copy !req
203. Well, I live on 8th Avenue.
I figured I could just walk.Copy !req
204. Sammy, do you realize
that Mr. Sheffield has oneCopy !req
205. of the most important composers
on Broadway coming hereCopy !req
206. to listen to a gift-wrapper
from Crate and Barrel?Copy !req
207. Pottery Barn. We were first.Copy !req
208. It's not the first time
that I've screwed up.Copy !req
209. What's he going to do? Take back the ring?Copy !req
210. Give me something salty. I'll bloat.
He'll never get this ring off.Copy !req
211. Listen, I don't want to ruin everything
for you.Copy !req
212. You know, maybe this is a blessing
in disguise.Copy !req
213. I don't want to be a gift-wrapper
all my life.Copy !req
214. Maybe I do have some talent, you know?Copy !req
215. My grand-daddy,
he plays the piano and sings great.Copy !req
216. Stop, you're making me blush.Copy !req
217. Just let me try.Copy !req
218. Okay, well, what have I got to lose?Copy !req
219. Try really hard.Copy !req
220. Home, home on the rangeCopy !req
221. Where the deer and the antelope playCopy !req
222. - Who's that?
- Irwin.Copy !req
223. Miss Fine!Copy !req
224. Mr. Sheffield!Copy !req
225. You know what? I was just thinking.Copy !req
226. Rap is dead.Copy !req
227. What are you talking about?
It's the hottest thing on Broadway.Copy !req
228. Then it must be me that's dead.Copy !req
229. Would you excuse us a minute, please?Copy !req
230. I want to see you in my office.Copy !req
231. Get something salty! Salty pretzels!Copy !req
232. Wait till you meet the mother.Copy !req
233. I have a very important composer coming
to this house in less than 24 hours,Copy !req
234. expecting to meet Puff Daddy's protégé.Copy !req
235. Well, I never said protégé.
That was your embellishment. Bye, now.Copy !req
236. Miss Fine!Copy !req
237. You're calling me Miss Fine?
That can't be a good thing.Copy !req
238. It's not. Trust me.Copy !req
239. Why did I listen to you?Copy !req
240. Why did I think things were going to be
different just because we got engaged?Copy !req
241. Well, first of all...
we are still engaged, aren't we?Copy !req
242. Now, "Home, Home On The Range" happens
to be a very complicated number.Copy !req
243. That does not mean he isn't
an excellent rapper.Copy !req
244. So, why don't you stop adding gray
to that beautiful head of hair of yours?Copy !req
245. He does rap? You're not patronizing me?Copy !req
246. No, baby.Copy !req
247. No, I can look you straight in the eyes
and say Irwin's one professional wrapper.Copy !req
248. Yes, a gift wrapper for Crate and Barrel.Copy !req
249. - Is that true?
- No, it is not.Copy !req
250. It's Pottery Barn. They were first.Copy !req
251. Niles, have you seen Mr. Sheffield?Copy !req
252. I've never seen him
this angry at me before.Copy !req
253. Well, I have, but not today.Copy !req
254. I'm not speaking to you.Copy !req
255. Why? What did I do to you?Copy !req
256. You have ruined our wedding.Copy !req
257. Five years I've waited for this day.Copy !req
258. What am I going to say
to the other butlers in the market?Copy !req
259. Do you know what it's like
to be the only one in the parkCopy !req
260. with no wedding pictures to show.Copy !req
261. Yes, I do.Copy !req
262. Well, don't just stand there.Copy !req
263. I beat Miss Grace playing hoops
and I want your room.Copy !req
264. Well, what am I supposed to do?Copy !req
265. Turn Irwin into some kind
of a street rapper?Copy !req
266. I don't know anything about rap.Copy !req
267. Either that or call your mother
and tell her the wedding's off.Copy !req
268. Whuzzup, Irwin?
It's time to get bomb-biggity.Copy !req
269. You go, girl.Copy !req
270. So Mr. Twister hit him with her
Fame's M.C.'s quickerCopy !req
271. This is what I picture
When tipsy off liquorCopy !req
272. Sitting thinking of a style like no otherCopy !req
273. Honk and run for cover
Dipping in my HummerCopy !req
274. And so.Copy !req
275. Thank you, Blue.Copy !req
276. Excellent. Really. Truly, excellent.Copy !req
277. Well, I'll be getting in touch
with your posse.Copy !req
278. No, no.Copy !req
279. Why can't I express to you
what I'm looking for?Copy !req
280. It's in the rhythm, Max, the rhythm.Copy !req
281. You see, I see things in geometric shapes.Copy !req
282. This is what I want.Copy !req
283. You know, bring me this guy.Copy !req
284. Yes. Can't get him. He's in Ragtime.Copy !req
285. So is that it? Is that all of them?Copy !req
286. What about the guy you hyped on the phone?Copy !req
287. Well, you know,
he turned out to be a bust.Copy !req
288. He was discovered by Maxwell's
nanny/fiancé/back-to-nanny again.Copy !req
289. Listen to me, Ty, if you can see your way
to give us a few more daysCopy !req
290. I know there has to be another him
in this town.Copy !req
291. I'm sorry, Max, but I don't think
we're on the same page.Copy !req
292. My soul, my soul, my soul
my soul, my soul...Copy !req
293. You can try to throw salt
But I keep my game face onCopy !req
294. The only thing on your mind
Is crackin' more digits than a telephoneCopy !req
295. Me and 39 thieves
Jumping out of white HummerCopy !req
296. From Compton
While your crew get dumb and dumberCopy !req
297. Grew up straight out of Locash
Like CB4Copy !req
298. Now I got dough and you got
One night stands like HBOCopy !req
299. See on the low it's all gravyCopy !req
300. But the threat of this new world order
Is about to drive me crazyCopy !req
301. And all you want
Is the Lex and gold VisaCopy !req
302. And bomb singles
And stacking your chips like PringlesCopy !req
303. While my rhymes
Jack for platinum plaquesCopy !req
304. Quicker than one-time Jack Blacks
I twist sacks and sip yacCopy !req
305. Plus the Invisible Man
Got my back like a spineCopy !req
306. So why you all up in mine?Copy !req
307. Keep the money in the bank
All I really want to holdCopy !req
308. Is my artistic freedom
And control of my soulCopy !req
309. Bravo!Copy !req
310. Irwin!Copy !req
311. The guy's great.
What are you, saving the best for last?Copy !req
312. Yes, he was because that's his style.Copy !req
313. Slow to the point of madness
and then he proposes.Copy !req
314. Ty, why don't we step
into my office and talk some business?Copy !req
315. - Fran, why don't you bring Irwin along.
- Okay.Copy !req
316. - Irwin!
- I am so excited.Copy !req
317. Fran. This is so phat, Fran.Copy !req
318. Irwin, I know that "phat" is a good thing,Copy !req
319. but please don't say it so near
to my name.Copy !req
320. Well, Niles.Copy !req
321. I guess, I know, where I stand.Copy !req
322. Outside the door.Copy !req
323. Well, at least it's over.Copy !req
324. The pain.Copy !req
325. The degradation.Copy !req
326. The shame.Copy !req
327. I'm frightened.Copy !req
328. I don't want to be alone.Copy !req
329. Well, you finally went crackers.Copy !req
330. Yes, hello, Dr. Balk. This is Niles.Copy !req
331. Yes, it's about Miss Babcock.Copy !req
332. Yes, I think we have a little problem.Copy !req
333. She's behaving in a very strange way.Copy !req
334. Well, I wouldn't call it delusional.Copy !req
335. Grandmama, is that you?Copy !req
336. Yes, child. Maybe I would.Copy !req
337. Come along.Copy !req
338. Come on, Chester. Yes.Copy !req
339. Hi, Chester.Copy !req
340. - There you go.
- Hi, sweetie.Copy !req
341. Fran, this fun. How long do we get
to keep Chester here?Copy !req
342. Until Miss Babcock is released—
I mean comes home.Copy !req
343. Yeah, you mean, from her "vacation"?Copy !req
344. It's really so funny.Copy !req
345. Usually when a pet misses its master,Copy !req
346. it's really depressed and walks
around whimpering.Copy !req
347. Hey.Copy !req
348. - Frannie.
- Hi, kids.Copy !req
349. Sammy has a niece that wants
to sing at your wedding.Copy !req
350. I'm sorry, Sammy,
but Maxwell has a new policy.Copy !req
351. No more relatives.Copy !req
352. Okay, Aretha, she said no.Copy !req
353. Aretha? Aretha?Copy !req
354. Call her back! Call her back!Copy !req
355. - You want her?
- Yes! Wait till Maxwell hears.Copy !req
356. D.M.V., Aretha Jones, please.Copy !req