1. - Good morning.
- Good morning.
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2. How does it feel to wake up
an engaged woman?
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3. Well, you know how sometimes they say
when you finally attain your dream,
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4. it's always a letdown?
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5. They were wrong.
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6. Shall I prepare
your Carnation Instant Breakfast,
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7. Mrs. Sheffield?
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8. - You called me Mrs. Sheffield.
- I did. I did.
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9. - Say it again. Say it again.
- Mrs. Sheffield. Mrs. Sheffield.
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10. Can you get me a satellite dish?
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11. Look, we're only engaged.
Wait until after the honeymoon.
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12. I'll get you Ted Turner
on the roof with a hanger.
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13. Who is it?
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14. The future Mrs. Sheffield's mother.
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15. - Hi, Ma.
- So, do we have a ring yet?
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16. You know that when they caught the mugger,
they never recovered the ring.
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17. Meanwhile, that mugger's girlfriend
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18. is giving him the conjugal visit
of his life.
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19. Darling, it's not a real engagement
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20. until I can take my daughter's hand
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21. and say, "Stick these karats
in your soup, Mrs. Glickman."
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22. Well, you know,
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23. we're gonna use the pop top for a while.
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24. I mean, Max and I love each other,
and that's all that really matters.
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25. I don't care if I ever get a ring.
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26. She's turning
into a shiksa right before my eyes.
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27. - Hi, sweetie.
- Darling.
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28. - How you feeling? Any better?
- A little.
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29. My back's still a bit stiff
from the mugging.
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30. - You know what's good for that?
- Walking.
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31. Have you ever tried walking
through the Diamond District?
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32. As a matter of fact, Sylvia,
I've set the whole morning aside
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33. to take your daughter shopping
for an engagement ring.
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34. You know, we should go
to my Uncle Stanley's jewelry store
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35. on 47th Street.
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36. He has got
a gold-plated borscht belt chess set
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37. with a Joey Bishop bishop.
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38. It's probably gone.
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39. I'd really rather go to my jeweler
at Cartier.
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40. - Retail?
- Retail?
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41. Out of the question.
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42. Stanley would be so insulted
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43. if his future nephew
didn't at least stop by.
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44. All right.
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45. But I have to call C.C. first.
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46. With everything that's been going on,
I forgot to tell her about the engagement.
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47. I've taken care of that for you, sir.
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48. Fran and Maxwell are engaged
It looks like you're the loser
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49. She'll be happy all her days
And you'll become a boozer
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50. She was working in a bridal shop
In Flushing, Queens
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51. 'Til her boyfriend kicked her out
In one of those crushing scenes
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52. What was she to do, where was she to go?
She was out on her fanny
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53. So, over the bridge from Flushing
To the Sheffields' door
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54. She was there to sell makeup
But the father saw more
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55. She had style, she had flair
She was there
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56. That's how she became the Nanny
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57. Who would have guessed
That the girl we described
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58. Was just exactly what
The doctor prescribed?
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59. - Now the father finds her beguiling
- Watch out, C.C.
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60. - And the kids are actually smiling
- Such joie de vivre!
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61. She is the lady in red
When everybody else is wearing tan
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62. The flashy girl from Flushing
The nanny named Fran
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63. I know you can't get your house keys
copied at Cartier,
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64. but a lot of people say they do have
a lot of very nice stuff.
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65. Maxwell, look at this.
Uncle Stanley designed this himself.
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66. It's a lion's head made out
of four ounces of diamond chips.
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67. He calls it the quarter pounder.
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68. - Franny!
- Uncle Stanley!
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69. - Hi.
- Hello, Stanley.
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70. What's with the hand?
You're practically family.
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71. You know,
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72. this girl is like a daughter to me.
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73. You can have anything
in the store at cost.
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74. Plus 20% to cover expenses.
You understand.
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75. Tell me, Stanley.
What grade is that stone there?
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76. I don't like to label.
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77. Is that a crack?
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78. If you have to ask, how big could it be?
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79. My God, this has to be
the gaudiest thing I've ever seen.
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80. Eighty-six it. If you like it,
I'll try and work him down.
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81. No, I'm sorry, Stanley,
but I really don't think you have
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82. the kind of ring that we're looking for.
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83. You need keys?
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84. - Well...
- Well, maybe for the back door.
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85. I can't believe we're in Cartier!
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86. And just look at all these diamonds!
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87. Of course, we carry an exquisite selection
of De Beers.
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88. Beer sounds good. I'm a little parched.
Grab me a Heiny.
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89. Oh, Maxwell!
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90. Darling, I just want you to be happy.
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91. Oh, my God!
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92. It's the most gorgeous thing
I've ever seen.
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93. Do you think that the stone
is too big for my finger?
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94. I can find you something smaller.
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95. No, I'll just grow my nail.
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96. So, what do you think?
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97. Let me see.
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98. Now, that taka is a gezunt ring.
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99. You know, technically,
the kids are Jewish now.
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100. It goes by the mother.
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101. Maybe that's Miss Babcock.
She hasn't seen the ring yet.
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102. It is Miss Babcock! It is!
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103. Their next gig will be tapping
on your grave.
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104. What are you so happy about?
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105. Hoover introduce its spring line?
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106. No, I'm just happy
about Miss Fine's engagement.
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107. They ain't married yet.
I haven't seen a ring.
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108. Well, then, C.C. Babcock, come on down.
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109. Well, it's beautiful.
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110. I have to get back to work.
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111. Fran, I just got a phone call.
Apparently, we made Liz Smith's column.
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112. Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Here it is, here it is, here it is.
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113. Look at that!
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114. "Maxwell Sheffield, Tony Award winner,
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115. is marrying the help."
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116. Well, you know the old saying,
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117. "Doesn't matter what they say about you
if they spell your name right."
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118. "Fran Fone."
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119. Don't let that bother you.
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120. The Claringtons cordially invite
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121. Mr. Maxwell Sheffield
and his fiancée, Fran Fine,
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122. to the social event of the year.
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123. Do you realize
that this is the very first thing
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124. that acknowledges me as your future wife?
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125. I'm gonna have to take this
down to Kinko's,
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126. 'cause everyone is telling Ma
she's a big fat liar.
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127. - Where is it?
- I can't remember.
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128. No!
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129. It's possible I left it
under Miss Babcock's sandwich.
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130. This is the most exclusive clothing store
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131. in all of New York.
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132. Apparently, it's so exclusive,
they don't even let the clothes in.
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133. Where do you think the irregulars are?
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134. There.
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135. Miss. Excuse me. Hello.
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136. I'm sorry,
the ladies' room is for customers only.
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137. Well, I happen to have an appointment.
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138. I have a very important affair
that I need something very special for.
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139. Well, then, maybe you should try
down the street
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140. at Flash and Trash.
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141. Is that store not great or what?
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142. Darling, it's obvious you're cranky
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143. because you haven't had lunch.
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144. Ever.
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145. But my daughter is engaged
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146. to Maxwell Sheffield,
the Broadway producer.
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147. I'm sorry.
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148. You're Fran Fone.
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149. Yes, that is to whom you are speaking.
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150. And this is Mama.
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151. Enchanté.
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152. And this is my dear friend,
Valerie Toriello,
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153. of the Flushing Meadows Toriellos.
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154. North of the tire recycling center.
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155. Well, may I interest any of you
in an Issey Miyake?
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156. I'll try it.
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157. Is it anything likerumaki?
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158. I mean, is it in the same family?
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159. Val, I'm so nervous
about this dinner party.
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160. I just want to make a good impression,
you know?
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161. Help me find something
that makes me look a little less—
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162. Happy hour?
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163. Yeah.
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164. How about...?
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165. Well, this. How about this?
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166. No good?
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167. You look like you swallowed
an accordion.
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168. Girl, come here, come here.
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169. You are very upset
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170. by this marriage, aren't you?
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171. No, I love Fran. And Daddy does, too.
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172. No, he doesn't!
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173. Ms. Babcock, as hard as this is,
you have to accept it,
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174. so that you can move on with your life.
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175. I've tried.
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176. I've really tried,
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177. but you don't know
how hard it is for me.
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178. I'm so alone in this world.
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179. The only men I ever meet
are the ones I audition.
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180. Do you know how many straight chorus boys
there are in this town?
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181. I do.
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182. The only thing I have to look forward to
is saying goodbye to Niles.
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183. Maxwell told me they were gonna fire him
when they got married.
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184. I knew you were there. You reek of Tilex.
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185. Fran, you look absolutely stunning.
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186. I can't wait to get there
and show you off.
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187. Well, maybe afterwards we could take
a stroll through my old neighborhood,
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188. and I can show you off.
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189. Although, then I'd have to leave
the ring at home.
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190. - I'll go get the car.
- Okay.
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191. Niles, I'm so nervous
about this party tonight.
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192. What do I have in common
with these people?
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193. You've been to parties like this before.
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194. Yeah, but I was never invited.
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195. Well, what the hell. Wish me luck.
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196. You don't need luck, Miss Fine.
You have style. You have flair.
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197. That's how you became the nanny.
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198. Niles, it is just all so romantic.
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199. I mean, it's so magical.
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200. He treats me like a princess.
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201. I'm coming!
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202. We are so married.
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203. I'll tell you, I just love
what you've done to your house.
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204. You know,
my aunt has a ceiling mural, too.
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205. Only she's got a cottage cheese ceiling,
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206. so all the cherubs
look like they have acne.
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207. It's not as nice.
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208. - Hello, darling.
- Hi, sweetie.
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209. Maxwell, your fiancée is just delightful.
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210. - Wherever did you find her?
- Well, believe it or not,
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211. she just turned up
at my doorstep, selling cosmetics.
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212. I believe it.
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213. It's just like that film with Richard Gere
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214. when he married the hooker.
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215. I remind you of Julia Roberts?
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216. Thanks.
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217. And I thought I wasn't gonna fit in.
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218. So, Kyle, tell me,
how's your portfolio holding up
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219. with all this business
in the Asian markets?
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220. Still in the black,
but I'm thinking of consolidating.
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221. You know, speaking of consolidating,
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222. you have so much smoked salmon left over.
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223. I'm gonna condense it onto one plate.
You'll have lox and eggs all weekend.
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224. Is this caviar still good?
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225. Let's see.
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226. I can't tell unless I have it
on toast point.
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227. Do you believe how they're ripping apart
Maxwell Sheffield's fiancée?
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228. It's disgraceful.
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229. I would die if they talked
behind my back that way.
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230. I feel so sorry for her.
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231. Ma, there I thought
that I was really fitting in,
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232. and they were really liking me and...
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233. they were just laughing at me
behind my back.
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234. I don't know.
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235. For the first time,
I'm beginning to wonder...
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236. Maybe I'm not good enough for Maxwell.
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237. What did they serve?
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238. Ma, I'm pouring my heart out to you.
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239. Medallions of beef with a so-so béarnaise.
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240. Darling, do you remember when we went
to the Doral Hotel
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241. - in Miami Beach?
- Yeah.
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242. And I went to the pool bar
wearing a string bikini?
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243. Do you know why people were laughing
behind my back?
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244. Because that was the view that was funny?
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245. No. Because they were jealous.
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246. Because I dared to be different.
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247. You're different. Unique.
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248. What was the dessert?
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249. Ma, you know,
I know you're just trying to help me,
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250. but sometimes
you don't wanna be different.
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251. Sometimes you just wanna fit in.
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252. - Hello, Fran.
- Hi.
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253. Hello...
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254. Ma.
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255. Well, that was supremely awkward.
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256. - Would you mind if we stick with Sylvia?
- Of course.
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257. I mean, it's all so new.
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258. I mean, we hardly see each other.
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259. Maybe I should come over more often.
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260. Ma, Ma, Ma!
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261. Ma! It's the most natural thing
in the world. You see?
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262. So, has your daughter been telling you
what a smash hit she was last night?
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263. Let's not rehash my triumph.
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264. It was a wonderful evening. I loved them.
They loved me. We loved each other.
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265. Well, that's good.
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266. Because I invited them all
over here Saturday night for dinner.
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267. Yeah, you know,
the Broadway investor is a dying breed,
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268. and all these people
are potential backers.
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269. Whom I'm sure you will charm
just like you did last night.
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270. Good, honey. Can't wait. Bye.
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271. Ma, can you believe that?
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272. He's invited them all over for dinner.
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273. And he's gonna be counting on me.
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274. And I'm gonna humiliate him.
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275. What are you gonna serve?
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276. Would you like some company?
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277. Why would you want to sit next to me?
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278. Because you got the chicken.
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279. Here you go.
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280. It was extra crispy,
but I've been crying.
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281. I know you.
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282. Your picture was in the society column.
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283. You're Fran Fone.
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284. You read the society column?
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285. Read it, sleep on it, whatever.
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286. Why, why are you crying?
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287. I don't want to burden you
with my problems.
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288. Would you like a hanky?
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289. Thank you.
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290. No.
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291. Did you ever feel like you didn't belong?
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292. Like you were a complete loser,
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293. and you were about to disappoint
the man of your dreams?
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294. Yeah.
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295. Look at me, going on and on
about my problems,
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296. when I have so much to be grateful for.
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297. You know what?
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298. Let me give you my home address.
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299. And if ever you're in the neighborhood
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300. and you're hungry, please stop by.
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301. We always have lots of chicken.
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302. But if a woman named Sylvia
answers the door,
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303. you're out of luck.
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304. Here you go.
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305. You're a very sweet, young lady,
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306. and I can't imagine
that you could disappoint any man.
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307. Say, would you like a Life Saver?
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308. Thank you, no.
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309. Well, I've heard of fashionably late,
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310. but three hours is bloody avant-garde.
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311. Well, this is a disaster.
I've got enough shrimp to feed 45 people.
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312. Don't worry, Niles.
I'll invite Ma to brunch tomorrow.
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313. Great. Now I have to go out and get more.
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314. I just don't understand. Is it me?
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315. Did I say something to offend them?
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316. Well, you know, honey,
a lot of people drive Jaguars,
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317. so you're bound to get
some anti-British sentiment.
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318. Sweetie, you know, you did do something.
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319. You're such a rich, classy, society guy
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320. and you're marrying so beneath you.
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321. What are you talking about?
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322. The reason why nobody is here tonight
is because they hated me.
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323. They were all laughing behind my back.
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324. I'm the reason why you're losing
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325. all of your potential new backers.
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326. Niles, what time is it?
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327. - It's 9:07.
- Remember that time.
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328. This is the moment
Maxwell Sheffield realizes
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329. he couldn't possibly marry Nanny Fine.
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330. Well, to hell with them!
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331. My poor darling.
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332. Don't you realize you're worth more to me
than any of them?
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333. I love you.
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334. 9:07 and 10 seconds.
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335. Please. Let's see just how far
that love takes you
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336. when you're standing on a corner
with a sign around your neck that says,
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337. "Will produce revival of Brigadoon
for food."
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338. - Good evening, sir.
- Hello.
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339. I believe I was invited.
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340. Oh, my God.
Would you excuse me a minute, Fran?
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341. No, no. I'll take care of this.
I met him in the park
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342. and I told him that if he were hungry,
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343. he can come by and I'd give him some food,
and maybe a couple of bucks.
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344. - What are you talking about?
- What?
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345. This is Preston Collier. I invited him.
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346. When Bill Gates needs to borrow
a cup of money,
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347. this is the door he knocks on.
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348. - Preston, I'm so glad you could make it.
- Thank you.
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349. You have a wonderful woman here, Max.
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350. You know, she thought I was hungry,
and she invited me right into your home.
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351. Me, someone she just met
on a park bench.
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352. That is so sweet and so like her.
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353. Don't ever do that again.
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354. So, if you're rich,
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355. then what were you doing hanging out
in Preston Collier Park?
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356. Wait a minute.
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357. You know, Max,
I don't ordinarily invest in shows,
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358. but you obviously have impeccable taste.
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359. Whatever amount it is, count me in.
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360. I'm calling it. Time of death, 9:10.
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361. Hi.
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362. - Hi, Sylvia.
- Hi, Sylvia.
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363. Darlings, I understand.
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364. You're still not comfortable
calling me Grandma yet.
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365. It's still new.
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366. Maybe, if I came by more often...
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367. - Grandma!
- Nana!
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368. Bubbe!
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