1. Good afternoon, Miss Fine.Copy !req
2. Good afternoon, Mr. Sheffield.Copy !req
3. You know, the kids are at school,Copy !req
4. Niles is shopping,Copy !req
5. we could do it.Copy !req
6. All right.Copy !req
7. Hi, Fran.Copy !req
8. Hi, Max.Copy !req
9. You look beautiful, Fran.Copy !req
10. Over 40,
and you can say it again so quick.Copy !req
11. I'm home.Copy !req
12. - Eyelash, right there. I got it Miss Fine.
- Thanks. Thanks.Copy !req
13. Good cover there, "Max."Copy !req
14. - Who told you about the first-name thing?
- The guy that owns the fruit stand.Copy !req
15. How the hell does he know?Copy !req
16. I'm making ambrosia tonight.Copy !req
17. - Fran, guess what?
- What?Copy !req
18. My friend Billy invited me
to spend term breakCopy !req
19. with his family in the Middle East.Copy !req
20. That is so exciting, sweetheart.
You know, his father is royalty.Copy !req
21. Yeah, he's the sultan of Koorestan.Copy !req
22. Wow, gee, I wonder if he knows
my cousin Barry, the Waterbed King.Copy !req
23. So, can I go, Daddy?
Maggie and Brighton are going away.Copy !req
24. Sweetheart, as much as I'd like you to go
to Koorestan, it's very, very far away.Copy !req
25. Yeah, honey.
We'll have a good time here.Copy !req
26. The house will be empty.
It'll just be your father and me and—Copy !req
27. You know, I don't think Niles
has ever been to the Middle East.Copy !req
28. No, not Niles. I need him here.Copy !req
29. I have a mountain of work to do.Copy !req
30. I tell you what, Miss Fine.
Why don't you take her?Copy !req
31. Excuse me, honey. You know...Copy !req
32. I think this little girl will be
very disappointedCopy !req
33. if she doesn't go with Niles.Copy !req
34. Grace has never been anywhere
with Niles.Copy !req
35. This little girl.Copy !req
36. Honey, honey, honey. Go upstairs.Copy !req
37. - Let me talk to your father.
- Okay.Copy !req
38. I'm obviously being
a little too subtle here,Copy !req
39. but with all the kids out of the house...Copy !req
40. we could call each other Fran and Max
in every room of the house.Copy !req
41. Tempting as that sounds, Fran,
this is a very busy time for me.Copy !req
42. I have investors to entertain,Copy !req
43. and I'd like to serve them something
other than Gino's Pizza Rolls.Copy !req
44. One brunch, and I'm branded for life.Copy !req
45. I don't understand
why you don't wanna spend time with me.Copy !req
46. Wait, who said I don't wanna spend time
with you?Copy !req
47. I have to earn a living.Copy !req
48. Yeah, that's right. I have expenses.Copy !req
49. You know, this year alone,
my food bill doubled.Copy !req
50. Now, please let's not bring my mother
into this.Copy !req
51. Oh, God!Copy !req
52. I guess I'm going back to the desert.Copy !req
53. But I might not return that quickly.Copy !req
54. Our people tend to dilly-dally there.Copy !req
55. - Fran, come on.
- Miss Fine!Copy !req
56. You and Nanny Fine are having
a big old fightCopy !req
57. about shipping her off to the Middle East.Copy !req
58. - Who told you that?
- The garbage man.Copy !req
59. She was working in a bridal shop
In Flushing, QueensCopy !req
60. 'Til her boyfriend kicked her out
In one of those crushing scenes.Copy !req
61. What was she to do, where was she to go?
She was out on her fannyCopy !req
62. So, over the bridge from Flushing
To the Sheffields' doorCopy !req
63. She was there to sell makeup
But the father saw moreCopy !req
64. She had style, she had flair
She was thereCopy !req
65. That's how she became the NannyCopy !req
66. Who would have guessed
That the girl we describedCopy !req
67. Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed?Copy !req
68. - Now the father finds her beguiling
- Watch out C.C.Copy !req
69. - And the kids are actually smiling
- Such joie de vivre!Copy !req
70. She's the lady in red
When everybody else is wearing tanCopy !req
71. The flashy girl from Flushing
The Nanny named FranCopy !req
72. I know, honey. It's just
that I keep running this fightCopy !req
73. that I had with your father over
and over in my mind,Copy !req
74. and I don't know how I'm gonna be able
to have a good time.Copy !req
75. Wow. Is this place drop-dead gorgeous?Copy !req
76. This is even more beautiful
than the Taj Mahal.Copy !req
77. Fran, when were you in India?Copy !req
78. Trump opened another one in India?Copy !req
79. Now, this would be your room.Copy !req
80. Miss Grace's room is connected
through that door.Copy !req
81. Wow, you guys really went all out
at the Bombay Company.Copy !req
82. Now, His Majesty the Sultan
is expecting you for dinner.Copy !req
83. Okay.Copy !req
84. And he requests that you both wear
traditional garb,Copy !req
85. which you'll find in your closets.Copy !req
86. Oh, boy!Copy !req
87. Gee, do you have anything
that breathes a little bit?Copy !req
88. Because I know that it's a dry heat,Copy !req
89. but at 117 degrees,
any way you look at it, it's a schvitz.Copy !req
90. Gracie, if I die tomorrow...Copy !req
91. I can honestly say
I was treated like royalty.Copy !req
92. We napped in satin sheets,
we bathed in lilac-scented water,Copy !req
93. and even in Arabic,Copy !req
94. ALFtranscends the language barrier.Copy !req
95. Gracie! I'm so happy to see you.Copy !req
96. - Hi, Billy.
- Smile.Copy !req
97. Fran, this is my friend, Billy.Copy !req
98. Hi. My compliments on your beautiful home.Copy !req
99. Who designed it?Copy !req
100. It was built during the First Dynasty
by the Sultan Ali.Copy !req
101. Wow, do you have his card?Copy !req
102. Because my Aunt Ceil is thinking
of adding an island to her kitchen.Copy !req
103. Billy, you said you had a camel.
Can we go see it?Copy !req
104. Sure. But while you're here,Copy !req
105. it's customary to address me
as Prince Mohammed.Copy !req
106. But, Prince Mohammed,
your nickname at school is Goober.Copy !req
107. His Highness, the Sultan...Copy !req
108. King Hassan Ibn-E-Abdul Ali ibn Mutalib
Ibn-e-Muhammad—Copy !req
109. It is a pleasure finally to meet
my son's American guests.Copy !req
110. Miss Sheffield, Miss Fine.Copy !req
111. - Hi.
- Welcome.Copy !req
112. You know, you look exactly like...Copy !req
113. like you do on the back
of the Koorestan shekel.Copy !req
114. Yes.Copy !req
115. Sometimes I like to make a bet
with someone,Copy !req
116. so I can flip it in the air and shout,Copy !req
117. "Tails or me!"Copy !req
118. - Tails or me.
- That's a good one.Copy !req
119. Can I take a picture of us?Copy !req
120. I have it all set for self-timer.Copy !req
121. Come on, everybody. Smoosh together.Copy !req
122. Cheese.Copy !req
123. I'll make copies for everybody.
It'll be a very nice memento.Copy !req
124. Master Brighton, just because
your vacation plans fell through,Copy !req
125. you don't sit around like a zombie.Copy !req
126. This is the most exciting city
in the world.Copy !req
127. Go out. There are parks,
museums, concerts.Copy !req
128. Yeah. Can you move?
I can't see Yasmine Bleeth's butt.Copy !req
129. Hello, I was watching that.Copy !req
130. Well, now you're watching this.Copy !req
131. You watching Clueless?
Wouldn't that be a little bit redundant?Copy !req
132. Well, at least I'm not watchingCopy !req
133. the "women I'll never get
within 100 miles of" channel.Copy !req
134. You know what? Shut up!
I'm so sick of this!Copy !req
135. All right! That's it!Copy !req
136. Everybody up and out,
or I will tell your father that you...Copy !req
137. that you've...Copy !req
138. God, you kids are dull.Copy !req
139. Just go out and get something pierced!Copy !req
140. Honestly, Niles. Am I the only one
who does any work around here?Copy !req
141. I'm going to let that pass.Copy !req
142. I know that you are angry
because you had a fight with Miss Fine.Copy !req
143. And she has to understand
that I cannot just drop everythingCopy !req
144. to spend time with her.Copy !req
145. Right. She has to understand
that men are the providers.Copy !req
146. The warriors. The hunters.Copy !req
147. I'm killing myself.
I didn't get tulips.Copy !req
148. Why can't a woman be more like a man?Copy !req
149. There's your prototype.Copy !req
150. Your Highness,
this has been an incredible five days.Copy !req
151. Thank you so much
for inviting me to this party.Copy !req
152. You know, Fran?Copy !req
153. I did not even think
I would have a chance to dance with you.Copy !req
154. When Hosni Mubarak gets a few drinks
in him, he becomes quite the chatterbox.Copy !req
155. Here.Copy !req
156. Thank you.Copy !req
157. Gee, you know, I love your pin.
It's so gorgeous.Copy !req
158. Then it is yours.Copy !req
159. No. No, I couldn't.Copy !req
160. But you must.Copy !req
161. It is customary in our country,
when a guest admires a possession...Copy !req
162. she must have it.Copy !req
163. Oh, did I say "pin"?Copy !req
164. I meant "palace."Copy !req
165. No, you know, it's very beautiful,
but it's really more my mother.Copy !req
166. Then I think I should love your mother.Copy !req
167. Now she's yours.Copy !req
168. I'll be honest with you, Your Highness.Copy !req
169. I really didn't wanna come here at first,Copy !req
170. but I'm having a wonderful time.Copy !req
171. Are you not homesick?Copy !req
172. I was a little homesick,
but then I went downtownCopy !req
173. and I found a Golden Arches.Copy !req
174. I'll tell you, they'd make a mint selling
that "McShawarma" back in the States.Copy !req
175. Thank you.Copy !req
176. - Fran.
- Yes?Copy !req
177. I have enjoyed your company immensely.Copy !req
178. And my son, he adores you.Copy !req
179. He is such a sweet boy.Copy !req
180. I'll tell you, everybody has been so nice.
I'm gonna miss this place.Copy !req
181. Then why don't you stay?Copy !req
182. Well, you know I would, but...Copy !req
183. I'm on a restricted ticket,Copy !req
184. and that would mean another $72.50 if I—Copy !req
185. No... no, no, no.Copy !req
186. Fran, I mean why don't you stay
and live with us here in the palace...Copy !req
187. forever?Copy !req
188. Forever?Copy !req
189. Oh, Your Highness.Copy !req
190. Well, that would mean
that I wouldn't be homeCopy !req
191. in time for the last episode of Seinfeld.Copy !req
192. I'll get it.Copy !req
193. Hello, Sheffield residence.Copy !req
194. Ma, I gotta talk to you.Copy !req
195. How did you know I was here?Copy !req
196. I got calls from Brighton, Maggie,
Niles, and Roger Clinton next door.Copy !req
197. He said his pizza was never delivered.Copy !req
198. He should thank me.Copy !req
199. Chunky runs in that family.Copy !req
200. Ma, I gotta tell you something
you're not gonna believe.Copy !req
201. I think I just got a marriage proposal.Copy !req
202. What?
You live with a gorgeous millionaireCopy !req
203. who is this close to a son to me.Copy !req
204. Who is this yutz?Copy !req
205. The king of this country.Copy !req
206. Is he tall?Copy !req
207. Ma!Copy !req
208. Six-one-ish.Copy !req
209. The point is,
I'm in love with Mr. Sheffield.Copy !req
210. Has he mentioned me? Does he miss me?Copy !req
211. I have not seen him all week.Copy !req
212. If I didn't know better,
I would think it was intentional.Copy !req
213. Ma, I gotta go.Copy !req
214. I think that's my lady-in-waiting
bringing me my Diet Pepsi. Bye.Copy !req
215. Coming!Copy !req
216. Your Highness!Copy !req
217. What are you doing here?Copy !req
218. I sent a message for you
to meet me on the veranda.Copy !req
219. You meant my veranda.Copy !req
220. 'Cause, you know, there's like 200
verandas sticking out of this place.Copy !req
221. You'll have to be more specific.Copy !req
222. If this is awkward for you, I can leave.Copy !req
223. No, no, you might as well stay.
I mean, you walked the two milesCopy !req
224. down the corridor to get here. Come in.Copy !req
225. I have come for my answer.Copy !req
226. Will you stay?Copy !req
227. You know, I am really, very flattered,Copy !req
228. but we hardly know each other.Copy !req
229. But I know you're beautiful...Copy !req
230. intelligent...Copy !req
231. charming.Copy !req
232. And I know you're a king.Copy !req
233. All right, we bonded.Copy !req
234. The thing is, I'm really sort of involved
with Mr. Sheffield.Copy !req
235. I mean Maxwell.Copy !req
236. We are on a first name basis, you know.Copy !req
237. It's just we don't say it in front
of other people is the thing.Copy !req
238. We've only been together for five years.
We don't wanna rush these things.Copy !req
239. Does that sound as pathetic to you
as it did to me?Copy !req
240. The Englishman.Copy !req
241. What can this man possibly offer you
that I cannot?Copy !req
242. You know, you're offering me everything
that I have ever dreamed of...Copy !req
243. but I can't stay. I...Copy !req
244. I must say no.Copy !req
245. I should warn you,
I do not give up easily.Copy !req
246. I am a man
who does not like the answer "no."Copy !req
247. Well, I'm sure I can't be the first girl
to ever say no to you.Copy !req
248. I mean, what are you gonna do,
chop my head off?Copy !req
249. Kidding!Copy !req
250. What's that?Copy !req
251. It's my present for Mr. Sheffield.
Next week is his birthday.Copy !req
252. Why didn't you remind me?
You are just trying to make me look bad.Copy !req
253. No. That would be gilding the lily.Copy !req
254. Niles, hasn't Miss Fine even bothered
to call to check up on the children?Copy !req
255. I believe they're all right, sir.Copy !req
256. I guess it's time to get back to work.Copy !req
257. Maxwell, I finished all our work
so we'd have some free time.Copy !req
258. Isn't she a good girl?Copy !req
259. But I can also be bad.Copy !req
260. No, sir. No postcards
from Miss Fine, either.Copy !req
261. Niles, what have I done?Copy !req
262. I mean, what was she asking for after all?Copy !req
263. Just to spend a little more time with me?Copy !req
264. Maybe I should admit I was wrong
and ask her forgiveness.Copy !req
265. No. That would be
the worst thing you could do.Copy !req
266. It's weak.Copy !req
267. You wanna get to her?Copy !req
268. Make believe you're with another woman.Copy !req
269. No, C.C., I'm gonna go upstairs
and call her right now.Copy !req
270. Wait! Wait, I have a surprise for you.Copy !req
271. Happy birthday!Copy !req
272. I know it's a week early,Copy !req
273. but I thought, you know,
you could use it now.Copy !req
274. An airline ticket to Koorestan!Copy !req
275. C.C., you are a hopeless romantic.Copy !req
276. Niles, pack my bags!Copy !req
277. I guess you're not the only one
who can be bad.Copy !req
278. But, Fran, I don't wanna go home.
I'm having a blast.Copy !req
279. And besides, Billy and I are even going
for a camel ride later.Copy !req
280. Honey, I got an Aunt Gert at home
with a hump.Copy !req
281. You can ride her
up and down Queens Boulevard all you wantCopy !req
282. once we go home.Copy !req
283. Go to the armoire, get all my clothes.
I'm gonna get the tickets.Copy !req
284. Where are the tickets and the passports?Copy !req
285. Fran, all your clothes are gone!Copy !req
286. All of them?Copy !req
287. - Something's not kosher here.
- Honey, nothing's kosher here.Copy !req
288. All right, listen.Copy !req
289. You know what? You stay put.Copy !req
290. I'm gonna go talk to the Sultan
and find out what's going on.Copy !req
291. I'll be right back.Copy !req
292. Honey...Copy !req
293. I guess he really wouldn't take no
for an answer.Copy !req
294. Boy, I don't wanna scare you, sweetie,Copy !req
295. but I think we're being held hostage here!Copy !req
296. Oh, my God, this is like that movie,
Not Without My Daughter.Copy !req
297. Which, personally,
I think was a poor choiceCopy !req
298. to show on the plane over here.Copy !req
299. Well, that guard might be good
at holding an AK-47,Copy !req
300. but he sure ain't good
at holding his Snapple.Copy !req
301. Fran, do you really think
this is gonna work?Copy !req
302. Sure, sure. Honey, we'll just be casual.Copy !req
303. We look like belly dancers. We'll waltz
our way out of here. Follow me.Copy !req
304. Miss Fine, what are you doing?Copy !req
305. "Staying Alive"?Copy !req
306. Yalla, yalla!Copy !req
307. Well, actually, you know, King,Copy !req
308. we were looking for youCopy !req
309. because we were gonna go into town,
maybe have a little lunch,Copy !req
310. go visit the American Embassy.
Would you be up for something like that?Copy !req
311. Miss Fine. Miss Fine! There you are!Copy !req
312. - Daddy!
- Finally, I found you.Copy !req
313. Mr. Sheffield!Copy !req
314. What are you doing?
How did you get in the palace?Copy !req
315. I just knocked on the palace doorCopy !req
316. and before I knew it, everyone's bowing
and scraping and kissing my ring.Copy !req
317. I have to say, this is the friendliest
bloody country in the world.Copy !req
318. Yeah, well, It's a little too friendly
if you ask me!Copy !req
319. Hello. Maxwell Sheffield.Copy !req
320. His Majesty, the Sultan King Hassan...Copy !req
321. Hassan.Copy !req
322. - Your Majesty.
- So...Copy !req
323. This is the man you say I remind you of?Copy !req
324. Really?Copy !req
325. - I don't see it.
- I don't see it.Copy !req
326. This man was holding us hostage here!Copy !req
327. What do you mean, "hostage"?Copy !req
328. Come now.Copy !req
329. I reject youCopy !req
330. and suddenly, I can't find my tickets
or my passport?Copy !req
331. I had them locked up in the palace safe.Copy !req
332. They're worth a lot on the black market.Copy !req
333. And why was there a guard
outside of our door?Copy !req
334. There were some terrorist threats.
I wanted to ensure your safety.Copy !req
335. All right, Mr. Know-It-All,Copy !req
336. how do you get the nougat
inside a 3 Musketeers bar?Copy !req
337. Actually, it's a three-tiered process.Copy !req
338. First, they turn the nougat into strips
and they heat the caramel—Copy !req
339. Okay, okay.Copy !req
340. I'm telling you, Mr. SheffieldCopy !req
341. this man was forcing me to stay here
to be his wife.Copy !req
342. Go on. Tell him, tell him.Copy !req
343. Wife?Copy !req
344. I wanted you here as my nanny.Copy !req
345. Please. Well, what was all that talk
about me staying here forever, huh?Copy !req
346. I have four wives.Copy !req
347. Goober is not the end of the line.Copy !req
348. Believe me, I have no romantic interest
in you whatsoever.Copy !req
349. You are free to leave at any time.Copy !req
350. Now would be good.Copy !req
351. Well, I better go say goodbye to Billy
while I'm still in this outfit.Copy !req
352. Mr. Sheffield, I know that I'm not crazy.Copy !req
353. That king was coming onto me.Copy !req
354. Well, of course he was, Miss Fine.
Of course he was.Copy !req
355. Anyone could see he was smitten with you.Copy !req
356. - Wasn't he?
- Of course he was.Copy !req
357. He's a man.Copy !req
358. And unfortunately,
some men are just not very goodCopy !req
359. at expressing their feelings.Copy !req
360. And I could see right through that sultan.Copy !req
361. Yes, you'd start as his nanny, all right.Copy !req
362. You'd start working for him
for a few years,Copy !req
363. and eventually you'd be
on a first-name basis and then...Copy !req
364. one day he'd come to realize you were
more important to him than his work.Copy !req
365. And then...Copy !req
366. then he'd tell you he loves you.Copy !req
367. And when does that happen?Copy !req
368. Right now.Copy !req
369. I love you.Copy !req
370. What?Copy !req
371. Fran...Copy !req
372. I love you.Copy !req
373. Ladies and gentlemen,
thank you for flying Koorestan Air.Copy !req
374. We know you have a choice
when you fly.Copy !req
375. So will the woman in 3-B,
who spent the last 17 hoursCopy !req
376. kvelling that her boss finally told her
he loved her,Copy !req
377. please next time choose Qantas?Copy !req