1. Good morning.Copy !req
2. - Ms. Fine, these were delivered for you.
- Great.Copy !req
3. Ms. Fine, filling in for your cousin
Mel, the doorman, again?Copy !req
4. I wish. Is that a cushy job or what?Copy !req
5. All he does is open doors
and receive packages.Copy !req
6. A baboon could do that.Copy !req
7. Well, of course, a highly trained baboon.Copy !req
8. What do you think? I'm gonna mix
and mingle at the Yacht Club today.Copy !req
9. Yacht Club?
That's setting your sights a little high.Copy !req
10. You know, I am not the same chick I was
when I started here three years ago.Copy !req
11. I can't look for love
in all the old joints,Copy !req
12. now that I've acquired
so much class and panache.Copy !req
13. There's that Band-Aid
that came off in the bathtub.Copy !req
14. She was working in a bridal shop
In Flushing, QueensCopy !req
15. 'Til her boyfriend kicked her out
In one of those crushing scenesCopy !req
16. What was she to do? Where was she to go?
She was out on her fannyCopy !req
17. So over the bridge from Flushing
To the Sheffield's doorCopy !req
18. She was there to sell makeup
But the father saw moreCopy !req
19. She had style, she had flair
She was thereCopy !req
20. That's how she became the nannyCopy !req
21. Who would have guessed
That the girl we've describedCopy !req
22. Was just exactly what
The doctor prescribed?Copy !req
23. - Now the father finds her beguiling
- Watch out, C.C.Copy !req
24. - And the kids are actually smiling
- Such joie de vivre!Copy !req
25. She's the lady in red
When everybody else is wearing tanCopy !req
26. The pleasure girl from Flushing
The nanny named FranCopy !req
27. Sweetheart, thank God you're home.Copy !req
28. I have to warn you,
you're in terrible danger.Copy !req
29. Did Niles make a noodle kugel?Copy !req
30. Ma, would you concentrate.
Pretend you're full.Copy !req
31. Did Aunt Freida call?Copy !req
32. Yeah, she said her apartment
was being painted.Copy !req
33. So I said she could stay here
for the night.Copy !req
34. I am too late. She's been thrown out
of her apartment. She is broke.Copy !req
35. They even took away her night club
to pay for her taxes.Copy !req
36. No more Freida's Le Freak?Copy !req
37. That place was like an institution.Copy !req
38. - Has the city no soul?
- They're putting in a Loehmann's.Copy !req
39. You know, you really can't fight progress.Copy !req
40. She's hitting up everyone in the family
for a place to stay.Copy !req
41. How could this happen?
The woman's buried five husbands.Copy !req
42. You'd think that she can live off of what
she found in their old pants' pockets.Copy !req
43. What happened to Fred,
her millionaire boyfriend?Copy !req
44. Well, she's afraid,
if he knows that she's brokeCopy !req
45. he'll think that she's after him
for his money.Copy !req
46. Well, isn't she?Copy !req
47. If she has a brain
in that fat head of hers she is.Copy !req
48. Poor Aunt Freida.Copy !req
49. She came this close
to making it as a singerCopy !req
50. and her damn boyfriend Steve
had to go meet Edie.Copy !req
51. Well, good luck getting rid
of Freida now.Copy !req
52. She's like a cesarean scar.
You'll have her for life.Copy !req
53. - Fri.
- Syl.Copy !req
54. So how are Morty's mumps?Copy !req
55. - They're still contagious?
- Very.Copy !req
56. Fred, get out of the car.Copy !req
57. He's so sweet but he's such a shmegegge.Copy !req
58. Fred, honey, pull the nob up.Copy !req
59. How could such a shmegegge
become so rich?Copy !req
60. This from a woman
who voted for Ross Perot?Copy !req
61. Fred.Copy !req
62. Fred, I'd like you to meet
my sister-in-law SylviaCopy !req
63. and her daughter Fran.Copy !req
64. I'm Sylvia.Copy !req
65. I'm gonna go upstairs
and steam a couple of things.Copy !req
66. Fred, would you like to come in?Copy !req
67. No, no. I'm fine out here.Copy !req
68. No, I've got a light and a chair.Copy !req
69. I don't wanna be a bother.Copy !req
70. What do you know, he's half Jewish.Copy !req
71. Will someone tell me
When it is my turnCopy !req
72. Don't I get a dream for myselfCopy !req
73. Starting now it's gonna be
Mr. Sandman.Copy !req
74. Yes, bring me a dreamCopy !req
75. I had a dreamCopy !req
76. A dream about you
And you and youCopy !req
77. And you who needed a little bite to eat,
your 17-pound turkey is ready.Copy !req
78. Excuse me. I'm taking a short break.
Enjoy the buffet.Copy !req
79. Well, now that that's taken care of
I can go to my Yacht Club.Copy !req
80. Speaking of turkeys...Copy !req
81. how many arrangements
does that human karaoke know?Copy !req
82. Well, that depends. Has she already
done her tribute to Chaka Khan?Copy !req
83. C.C., would you mind leaving
us alone for a moment?Copy !req
84. I'd like a word with the skipper.Copy !req
85. Exactly how long is your aunt's
engagement here going to lastCopy !req
86. because we do have another act
coming inCopy !req
87. from the Nanny Agency.Copy !req
88. Well, if you'll just retract those veins,Copy !req
89. I'll tell you
a perfectly good explanation.Copy !req
90. There is no explanation
why that woman is still in my house.Copy !req
91. A very wealthy
and repressed man's in love with herCopy !req
92. but he's not ready to commit.Copy !req
93. Well, that's understandable.Copy !req
94. You know, it's only fair
that she gives him plenty of time.Copy !req
95. And how much time are we talking?Copy !req
96. I don't know. Can't rush these things.Copy !req
97. Yeah, well, I hope he knows
that he doesn't have foreverCopy !req
98. because she's not gonna wait around
for some schlubCopy !req
99. since she can't even spit in this town
without hitting some eligible classy guy.Copy !req
100. Well, good bloody luck
to her catching oneCopy !req
101. because men seldom date women
who say the word "schlub"Copy !req
102. and rarely marry those who spit.Copy !req
103. Did your big fat ears get all that, Niles?Copy !req
104. It's just me, Daddy.Copy !req
105. Sweetheart, I'm sorry. Do me a favor.Copy !req
106. Tell the man with the big fat ears
next to you I'd like a drink.Copy !req
107. - Daddy wants a—
- I heard him.Copy !req
108. Thank you. Thanks.Copy !req
109. All right. All right. I'm leaving.Copy !req
110. What was that about?Copy !req
111. That woman tried to get in
with a xeroxed membership card.Copy !req
112. - It looked so phony.
- Oh, my God.Copy !req
113. Well, I'm surprised she didn't dip it
in tea first to give it that aged look.Copy !req
114. Then you paste on one of those
magnetic strips from the back ofCopy !req
115. an old Blockbuster's card before giving
it that authentic look of laminating it.Copy !req
116. You wouldn't believe what people
will do to marry up.Copy !req
117. Boy, you know, that is so superficial.Copy !req
118. Give me a working man any day.Copy !req
119. - What do you do?
- I'm a chauffeur.Copy !req
120. That seat's taken.Copy !req
121. Fred. Fred. Hi.Copy !req
122. It's okay, Fred. You can talk to me.Copy !req
123. I don't wanna bother you. You look like
you're in the middle of something.Copy !req
124. Yeah, my childbearing years.Copy !req
125. Fred, come on over here, honey.Copy !req
126. - I didn't know you were a member.
- Yes, yes, for years now.Copy !req
127. This is my favorite time of day.Copy !req
128. I love to come over and watch
the bartenders cut the fruit.Copy !req
129. I don't know.
When you're rich, they call it eccentric.Copy !req
130. You know, Fred,
I'm really glad I ran into you.Copy !req
131. It's so obvious that, you know,
you're a shy guyCopy !req
132. but you really feel strongly about Freida.Copy !req
133. Why don't you pop the question?Copy !req
134. Freida would never marry me.
She's so vibrant, sexy.Copy !req
135. I want whatever he's drinking.Copy !req
136. I really don't know what she sees in me.Copy !req
137. It's your eyes.Copy !req
138. Besides, I could never give her
the kind of life that she's used to.Copy !req
139. Parties, nightclubbing.Copy !req
140. I'm not a very exciting man.Copy !req
141. - I can't even—
- Fred, don't be embarrassed.Copy !req
142. You know, you can do other things.Copy !req
143. And, really,
most women just like to cuddle.Copy !req
144. I was going to say dance.Copy !req
145. Well, that's good because
that cuddle thing is a big myth.Copy !req
146. Fred, I can teach you how to dance.Copy !req
147. A couple of private lessons,
you'll sweep her off her feet.Copy !req
148. You must really love your aunt.
She'd be moved.Copy !req
149. Well, moving my aunt
is a big priority in my family.Copy !req
150. I should never have let you
teach me to mambo.Copy !req
151. No, Fred, it's okay.Copy !req
152. You know, in China,
women without toes are considered sexy.Copy !req
153. Well, let's face it, Fran,
I'll never be known for my dancing.Copy !req
154. Nonsense, Fred.
You're very light on your feet.Copy !req
155. I'm sure there was a pair of ski boots
under here somewhere.Copy !req
156. - Look, let's forget the whole thing.
- No, no.Copy !req
157. Fred, if you don't leave here with Freida,
I will regret it for the rest of my life.Copy !req
158. Did I say I?Copy !req
159. Let me demonstrate. Watch me.Copy !req
160. One, two, three.
One, two, three.Copy !req
161. Turn, turn, turn.
Shimmy, shimmy, shimmy.Copy !req
162. Now, you try it.Copy !req
163. I'll never be as good as you.Copy !req
164. Don't compare yourself to me.
I was on Dance Fever.Copy !req
165. I'll just show you a couple of steps
so you can fake it, okay?Copy !req
166. One, two...Copy !req
167. Hey, I kind of like that.Copy !req
168. You're getting it.Copy !req
169. Now, just keep doing the same thing
over and over again.Copy !req
170. Well, not that. That could get annoying.Copy !req
171. - Fran, wait.
- You're doing great.Copy !req
172. There's something wrong with my arm.Copy !req
173. Worry more about your feet.Copy !req
174. - No, really—
- Fred, not so close. Don't dip me. Fred.Copy !req
175. Fred. Fred.Copy !req
176. Hello, Fred.Copy !req
177. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.Copy !req
178. Oh, my God.Copy !req
179. Fred, I hope for your sake,
that's rigor mortis setting in.Copy !req
180. Dr. Warner wanted in Radiology please.Copy !req
181. Can you believe that she did this to me,
under my own roof?Copy !req
182. Momma, I'm gonna faint. Hold me.Copy !req
183. Hold you? I'm still paying for this hip.Copy !req
184. You happy, hot pants?Copy !req
185. Don't you yell at my daughter, Nettie.Copy !req
186. What the hell is wrong with you?
Are you so desperate to get married?Copy !req
187. Where is this insanity coming from?Copy !req
188. Mr. Sheffield is here.
Put some lipstick on.Copy !req
189. Why won't anyone believe me?Copy !req
190. I was just trying
to get those two together.Copy !req
191. Just because he was lying on top of me
with romantic musicCopy !req
192. at 1:00 in the morning doesn't meanCopy !req
193. You know, this would all be a non-issue
if I was running opposite Dole.Copy !req
194. I've got an 8:00 a.m. appointment.Copy !req
195. Niles, would you let C.C. know,
what happened?Copy !req
196. I already phoned her, sir.Copy !req
197. Told her that a certain millionaire
suffered a heart attack in Ms. Fine's bed.Copy !req
198. Maxwell.Copy !req
199. - You're all right?
- Dear, you thought I meant him?Copy !req
200. He can have visitors now but he's weak,
so you should only go in one at a time.Copy !req
201. - Right.
- All right.Copy !req
202. - Thank you.
- Thank you.Copy !req
203. Thanks for taking such good care of him,
nurse. I really appreciate it.Copy !req
204. Fred.Copy !req
205. Freddy.Copy !req
206. It's your Freida-la.Copy !req
207. Are you all right? Can you hear?Copy !req
208. His color's not so good.Copy !req
209. Well, that hose you're standing
on might have something to do with it.Copy !req
210. You have the nerve to speak to me?Copy !req
211. I didn't do anything. I'm innocent.Copy !req
212. Look, he's trying to say something.Copy !req
213. Fran, you're so good.Copy !req
214. Put my leg where?Copy !req
215. Where the heck is that hose?Copy !req
216. You husband stealer, you.Copy !req
217. Now, who's gonna take care of me?Copy !req
218. Where am I gonna live?Copy !req
219. The idea of Ms. Fine being seriously
involved with Fred is absurd.Copy !req
220. Why do you say that, sir?Copy !req
221. Come on, man, he's niceCopy !req
222. but she couldn't be
interested in him after me.Copy !req
223. What's so great about you?Copy !req
224. I mean, what's so great about you
is your ability—Copy !req
225. - Shut up.
- Right.Copy !req
226. Of course, it's only a matter of time
before she does find someoneCopy !req
227. if she keeps putting herself out there.Copy !req
228. Do you think she's doing all this
just to spite meCopy !req
229. for taking back the, you know, thing?Copy !req
230. Well, it's very difficult to say, sir,
considering the factCopy !req
231. that I don't know
what the bloody thing is.Copy !req
232. Well, I might as well tell you.Copy !req
233. We'll get back to them.Copy !req
234. First of all, no one else must ever know
what I'm about to tell you.Copy !req
235. All right. Let me see,
we were on our way back from Paris.Copy !req
236. Well, I thought we were about to die,Copy !req
237. so, I turned to Ms. Fine
and I told her I loved her.Copy !req
238. Then I panicked,
took it back and, well, that's it.Copy !req
239. So now you know what the thing is.Copy !req
240. Fran, I refuse to share a bathroom
with your aunt anymore.Copy !req
241. I brushed my teeth
with some chick product.Copy !req
242. Don't even wanna speculate what that was.Copy !req
243. What are you complaining about.Copy !req
244. There's like a toenail
from Jurassic Park in my bathroom.Copy !req
245. And look at this.Copy !req
246. Your aunt ate the entire box of chocolates
that my boyfriend gave me.Copy !req
247. Don't worry, kids.
I'll take care of everything.Copy !req
248. Nanny Fine, I didn't know
you were attracted to decrepit old men.Copy !req
249. Am I gonna have to keep my eye
on the two of you now?Copy !req
250. In my day, two people
got to know each other first.Copy !req
251. In your day, there only were two people.Copy !req
252. Fran.Copy !req
253. Franny, darling,
Fred regained consciousness,Copy !req
254. explained everything.Copy !req
255. And then he proposed.Copy !req
256. So can you ever forgive me?Copy !req
257. - Did you accept?
- Yeah.Copy !req
258. All is forgiven.Copy !req
259. - There you are.
- There you are.Copy !req
260. Look, how excited they are for me.Copy !req
261. Not quite yet, my loves, because,
you know, there's still so much to do.Copy !req
262. And I haven't even decided
where I'm gonna have the ceremonyCopy !req
263. now that I'm getting married.Copy !req
264. - Here, here.
- Here?Copy !req
265. You are a doll.Copy !req
266. So, I'm gonna go upstairs
and try on my old wedding gown.Copy !req
267. Come on, kids, help zip me up.Copy !req
268. I'll get the pliers.Copy !req
269. All right. I know something just happened.Copy !req
270. You just offered
to have Freida's wedding here.Copy !req
271. What? Well, why didn't you bloody
say something?Copy !req
272. Calm down.Copy !req
273. Do you think that I would subject you
to the horror of a Fine family affair?Copy !req
274. Not after what happened
at Grandma Yetta's birthday partyCopy !req
275. which you know nothing about.
Why am I bringing it up?Copy !req
276. Moving on.Copy !req
277. I can't believe I agreed to let Freida
have her wedding here.Copy !req
278. Relax. I've got a plan.Copy !req
279. Thank God.Copy !req
280. First, I'll go out and buy a dress
for the wedding.Copy !req
281. - Yes. Right.
- Give me your credit card.Copy !req
282. This way it looks like
you're going along with it.Copy !req
283. Right. Right.Copy !req
284. Okay. Now, while I'm doing that,
you, this'll be a snap for you.Copy !req
285. - Go upstairs. Find Freida.
- Yeah.Copy !req
286. And take it back.Copy !req
287. This is beautiful.Copy !req
288. Why is it families only get together
at weddings and funerals?Copy !req
289. You know, you wore that dress
to her last wedding.Copy !req
290. I'm saving the new one
for your shiva, Nettie.Copy !req
291. Well, we don't need anything old or blue.
I just shoved Freida into her corset.Copy !req
292. - Fran, Fran, can I talk to you?
- Sure.Copy !req
293. I can't go through with this.Copy !req
294. Fred, now, I don't wanna hear
that you're not good enough for Freida.Copy !req
295. You're a wonderful guy.
I'd marry you in a second.Copy !req
296. Then marry me.
I think I'm in love with you.Copy !req
297. Fred, don't be ridiculous.
You're just getting cold feet.Copy !req
298. I'll give you anything you ever wanted.
Yes, I'm worth millions.Copy !req
299. This'll do.Copy !req
300. No, Fred.Copy !req
301. You don't love me. You love Freida.Copy !req
302. You guys make a perfect couple.Copy !req
303. There is nothing more right
in this whole world.Copy !req
304. This is so wrong.Copy !req
305. You say anything to disturb
this ceremony and you're dead.Copy !req
306. And do you, Freida Rubinski MannarinoCopy !req
307. Chong'dowCopy !req
308. Bitterman...Copy !req
309. Excuse us. Coming through.
Excuse me just a minute.Copy !req
310. - Thank you.
- I can't let Freida go through with this.Copy !req
311. Yes, you can.Copy !req
312. My house has turned into a pest motel
where the Fines check inCopy !req
313. but they don't check out.Copy !req
314. You don't understand.Copy !req
315. He doesn't wanna marry her.
He said he loves me.Copy !req
316. He's confused.
The man just had a near-death experience.Copy !req
317. He didn't know what he was saying.Copy !req
318. Wait a minute. Let me get this straight.
Now, you're taking it back for him?Copy !req
319. You know, maybe ignorance is bliss.
Maybe I should just let them be happy.Copy !req
320. I mean, Freida's been widowed five times.Copy !req
321. Maybe six will be her lucky number,
who knows.Copy !req
322. I do.Copy !req
323. - Fred.
- Freddy.Copy !req
324. - He said, "I do."
- We heard him.Copy !req
325. Mr. Sheffield, look, Aunt Freida
sent us a tape from their honeymoon.Copy !req
326. I can't believe how well Fred recovered.Copy !req
327. I know. Doesn't he look incredible.Copy !req
328. Boy, that quadruple bypass
really did the trick.Copy !req
329. Next week, I'm gonna teach him
the "Macarena."Copy !req