1. I can't believe we're here to see
the Rosie O'Donnell Show.Copy !req
2. After his incredibly memorable performanceCopy !req
3. in the hit film
Four Weddings and a Funeral,Copy !req
4. our first guest has gone on to become
one of today's hottest movie stars.Copy !req
5. His new movie, Extreme Measures,
opens next Friday.Copy !req
6. Please say hello to Hugh Grant.Copy !req
7. What's up?Copy !req
8. - Thank you.
- Hello.Copy !req
9. - Hi.
- How are you?Copy !req
10. - You shot it here in New York?
- We shot most of it here in New York.Copy !req
11. Yeah, yeah, that's an experience.Copy !req
12. I mean, it's a nice experience
don't get me wrong, but just...Copy !req
13. took some adjustment.
You know, I'm used to English film setsCopy !req
14. where everyone's very,
very nice to you all the timeCopy !req
15. and "Hello love, can I get you anything?
Cup of tea, doughnut?"Copy !req
16. - That kind of stuff.
- Right.Copy !req
17. And here I find myself getting
cups of tea and doughnuts for the drivers.Copy !req
18. Is he to die for or what?Copy !req
19. That thick head of hair
and that adorable English accent.Copy !req
20. Me stuck in the house all day. Where
am I ever gonna meet a guy like that?Copy !req
21. All right. We're back.Copy !req
22. Thanks. I'm on TV, buddy.Copy !req
23. Stifle.Copy !req
24. My lovely assistant telling me that my son
will not go down for his nap.Copy !req
25. Put on C-SPAN, those senators
put each other to sleep.Copy !req
26. That's pretty funny. Who said that?Copy !req
27. Try that, try that.Copy !req
28. - Stand up.
- Look, I'm on the monitor.Copy !req
29. Good, the camera puts ten pounds
on the hair too.Copy !req
30. - Hi.
- Hi. How are you?Copy !req
31. - I'm good. Thank you.
- What's your name?Copy !req
32. Fran Fine. Fran Fine,
Miss Rosie O'Donnell.Copy !req
33. You know, it's two-for-one
on Saturday at Pathmark.Copy !req
34. I like glossy,
but if you like a matte finish—Copy !req
35. Listen, I'm not Sally Jessy.
I can't pretend I care, okay?Copy !req
36. - Okay.
- All right. How many kids you got, Fran?Copy !req
37. Kids, no. I mean,Copy !req
38. all the whining and the diapers
and the schlepping, please.Copy !req
39. - Well, yeah? What do you do for a living?
- I'm a nanny.Copy !req
40. Let's see what this is. Emergency.Copy !req
41. Hey, Fran, your trick worked.Copy !req
42. Two minutes with C-SPAN,
my son's out like a light.Copy !req
43. Of course, watching all those senators,
he now has a hooker in the crib with him.Copy !req
44. That's funny.Copy !req
45. You're funny. I like your laugh.
Listen, why don't you meet meCopy !req
46. in my dressing room after the show
and we can talk?Copy !req
47. My God, this is incredible.Copy !req
48. I swear I have dreamed
of this exact moment,Copy !req
49. only my outfit was tighter, my hair
was bigger and you were Streisand.Copy !req
50. Fran Fine, ladies and gentlemen.Copy !req
51. We'll be back with Chaka Khan
right after this.Copy !req
52. She was working in a bridal shop
In Flushing, QueensCopy !req
53. 'Til her boyfriend kicked her out
In one of those crushing scenesCopy !req
54. What was she to do, where was she to go
She was out on her fannyCopy !req
55. So, over the bridge from Flushing
To the Sheffields' doorCopy !req
56. She was there to sell makeup
But the father saw moreCopy !req
57. She had style, she had flair
She was thereCopy !req
58. That's how she became the NannyCopy !req
59. Who would have guessed that the girl
We've describedCopy !req
60. Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed?Copy !req
61. - Now the father finds her beguiling
- Watch out, C.C.Copy !req
62. - And the kids are actually smiling
- Such joie de vivre!Copy !req
63. She's the lady in red
When everybody else is wearing tanCopy !req
64. The flashy girl from Flushing
The Nanny named FranCopy !req
65. I can't believe
we're in Rosie O'Donnell's dressing room.Copy !req
66. I'm so nervous,
I don't know what to do with myself.Copy !req
67. You know, I'm doing
what any real fan would do.Copy !req
68. I'm going through her stuff.Copy !req
69. She really does shop at Kmart!Copy !req
70. Where's my favorite nanny?
How's the professor?Copy !req
71. You're going through my stuff, aren't you?Copy !req
72. Me? No. No. This is hers.Copy !req
73. Here, honey.Copy !req
74. She went through your stuff.Copy !req
75. I'd like you to meet my best friend, Val.Copy !req
76. I loved you in Misery.Copy !req
77. When you broke James Caan's legs,
I was screaming.Copy !req
78. Yeah, thanks. You know,
I won an Oscar for that performance.Copy !req
79. I know.Copy !req
80. This is Gracie, one of the three
beautiful children I take care of.Copy !req
81. Hi, Gracie.Copy !req
82. You know, I care about them
more than myself.Copy !req
83. Yeah, where are the other two?Copy !req
84. I swapped their tickets,
so me and Val could get in.Copy !req
85. Fran, I was talking
to my producer outside.Copy !req
86. What do you think about doing
a weekly spot on the show?Copy !req
87. - You know, about childcare.
- My God!Copy !req
88. Me on the Rosie O'Donnell Show
in front of millions of people?Copy !req
89. What's your male demographic?Copy !req
90. You know, you're perfect for TV.Copy !req
91. You're funny, you're beautiful
and you obviously adore children.Copy !req
92. You know, I am a nurturer by nature.Copy !req
93. - Fran, I have to go to the bathroom.
- Nanny's busy, honey. Cross your legs.Copy !req
94. Honey, let me be the one
to tell your fatherCopy !req
95. about the job on Rosie O'Donnell.
He doesn't understandCopy !req
96. how I can juggle a million things
and still stay on the ball.Copy !req
97. Your brother and sister
didn't come with us today.Copy !req
98. Fran, did you tell Val
not to tell anyone?Copy !req
99. Now, who is she gonna tell?
I'm her only friend.Copy !req
100. Congratulations!Copy !req
101. Val!Copy !req
102. I'm sorry
but you are all going to have to leave.Copy !req
103. This isn't my house.Copy !req
104. - He's not home.
- Photo op.Copy !req
105. I can't tell you how this job
on the Rosie Show makes me so—Copy !req
106. Happy birthday to youCopy !req
107. Happy birthday to youCopy !req
108. It's all right, Miss Fine.
Niles told me all about it.Copy !req
109. Why do you have to be such a yenta?Copy !req
110. I am not a yenta.
I'm just sucking up, so he'll tell meCopy !req
111. what the thing on the plane
on the way back from Paris was.Copy !req
112. Mr. Sheffield, you're not upset
that I'm gonna be working two jobs?Copy !req
113. Two jobs? What's the other one?Copy !req
114. Here. Yes.Copy !req
115. Fran, you were born
to be in front of the camera.Copy !req
116. It's in your genes.Copy !req
117. You know, I was gonna be a model,
but you know what stopped me?Copy !req
118. What's in your jeans?Copy !req
119. Mr. Sheffield.Copy !req
120. You know, you're certainly
being supportive.Copy !req
121. Well, Miss Fine, that's what I meant
when I said we should be friends.Copy !req
122. You mean when you took back the thing.Copy !req
123. The definition of the thing.Copy !req
124. Maxwell told Fran he loved her
on the way back from Paris.Copy !req
125. Then took it back.Copy !req
126. Miss Fine, friends should be supportive.
They don't dwell on the past.Copy !req
127. Yeah, they do.
I mean, you know...Copy !req
128. our people might have enjoyed
Hogan's Heroes,Copy !req
129. but that doesn't mean that we're gonna
go out and drive a Mercedes.Copy !req
130. All right.
We may drive a Mercedes,Copy !req
131. but it doesn't mean
we're gonna fly Lufthansa.Copy !req
132. - Unless we have mileage.
- Yes, yes. All right. I get the point.Copy !req
133. You are never gonna forgive me
for taking back the thing.Copy !req
134. What are you two doing
airing your dirty laundry in public?Copy !req
135. Let's go into the office
where we can be more private.Copy !req
136. Speak into the flowers.Copy !req
137. Please welcome
America's favorite nanny, Fran Fine.Copy !req
138. All right. Your first letter right now.
"Dear Fran,Copy !req
139. my son sits too close to our TV set
when he's watching. What should I do?"Copy !req
140. - From Mary in Dayton, Ohio.
- Well, Mary, here's the thing.Copy !req
141. Get a bigger TV. This way,
his head will be comparatively smallerCopy !req
142. and it won't block your view, honey.Copy !req
143. True.Copy !req
144. This is from Jackie Hall
in New Jersey.Copy !req
145. "Dear Fran, I choose
not to breastfeedCopy !req
146. but my husband thinks I should.
What should I do?"Copy !req
147. Well, that depends, Jackie.
Do you have any children?Copy !req
148. No. I can do no more.Copy !req
149. All right, one more. One more.Copy !req
150. - Thank you.
- Bye.Copy !req
151. Bye, everyone. I love you.Copy !req
152. You know, Maxwell, I think it's niceCopy !req
153. Nanny Fine's doing
that little talk show thing.Copy !req
154. It gives us so much more time together.Copy !req
155. Our relationship has just grown
by leaps and bounds.Copy !req
156. Miss Fine, you're back.Copy !req
157. I do hope you've come to kibitz.
I do love it when we kibitz.Copy !req
158. Mr. Sheffield I just wanted to say that,
you know, I know I haven't been here a lotCopy !req
159. and I really feel guilty about it.Copy !req
160. And not just the usual low-level
hum of guilt that every Jew feels.Copy !req
161. Nonsense, Miss Fine.
Just promise me one thing, though.Copy !req
162. When you become famous,
you won't forget us.Copy !req
163. Because there're a couple of little things
we can forget and move on.Copy !req
164. No, no, no.
We'll always have Paris.Copy !req
165. Nanny Fine, do you mind?
We were in the middle of something.Copy !req
166. This is a place of business.Copy !req
167. Well, it's okay.Copy !req
168. I have a lot of messages to return.Copy !req
169. Look at this, Procter & Gamble,
Gerber, Pampers.Copy !req
170. What exactly does
a national spokesperson do anyway?Copy !req
171. They get their best friend C.C.
to be their agent.Copy !req
172. Well, you know, I really am too nice
to negotiate big deals.Copy !req
173. I guess I should have a ruthless,
blood-sucking leech on my side.Copy !req
174. I'll take that as a yes.Copy !req
175. - What exactly does an agent get?
- You mean you don't know?Copy !req
176. - No.
- 50%.Copy !req
177. - C.C.
- Okay. 40%.Copy !req
178. Miss Fine and Miss Babcock
walking arm in arm.Copy !req
179. Isn't that one of the biblical signs
of the Apocalypse?Copy !req
180. Fran, I thought you were gonna
read me my book.Copy !req
181. Little girl.Copy !req
182. If you can't read by now,
start suing your school system.Copy !req
183. Nanny Fine, listen to this.Copy !req
184. "The children of St. Andrew's Orphanage
would love to meet you.Copy !req
185. I'm sorry we can't afford
your personal appearance fee."Copy !req
186. Yeah, right!Copy !req
187. I'm sorry too.Copy !req
188. What are you doing home so late?Copy !req
189. Well, I had detention.Copy !req
190. I thought someone
was gonna come down to my school,Copy !req
191. sit on my teacher's desk,
cross her legs and get me out of it.Copy !req
192. Quit whining.
Fran forgot to chaperon me on my date.Copy !req
193. You don't hear me complaining.Copy !req
194. A hickey, Maggie?
Did you really thinkCopy !req
195. that you were gonna hide a hickey from me
with a little pressed powder?Copy !req
196. You need oil-based concealer.Copy !req
197. Kids, I've been neglecting you.
I'm so sorry.Copy !req
198. It's just because I've been so busy
with Rosie, I'm forgetting everything.Copy !req
199. I don't even know
how I get dressed in the morning.Copy !req
200. My God!Copy !req
201. It's a thong. Okay.Copy !req
202. Now, children, I do hope
we're not pestering Miss Fine.Copy !req
203. We've all got to try to be a little more
supportive. With her newfound celebrity,Copy !req
204. Miss Fine is bound to be
a little less accessible to us.Copy !req
205. - Now, run along. Go on.
- Mr. Sheffield,Copy !req
206. I'm just as accessible
as I always was.Copy !req
207. I'm telling you,
I'm still the same old schlobCopy !req
208. you met when I came here—
Hi, Donny!Copy !req
209. Come in, this way.Copy !req
210. Donald Trump, I'd like you to meet—
What am I talking about?Copy !req
211. All you handsome zillionaires
know each other.Copy !req
212. Donald!Copy !req
213. Maxwell Sheffield. How do you do?Copy !req
214. You know, Donald called me
on the Rosie ShowCopy !req
215. and invited me
to a party at Elaine's for DemiCopy !req
216. who's on the cover of George,
but... I don't wanna name-drop.Copy !req
217. - See you in the limo.
- All right.Copy !req
218. Hello.Copy !req
219. I told you not to call me
on this line again.Copy !req
220. That's better.Copy !req
221. You know, Mr. Sheffield,
a lot of men in your positionCopy !req
222. would be very threatened
by me running with movers and shakers,Copy !req
223. rubbing elbows
and God knows what else.Copy !req
224. But not you.
You're really happy for me.Copy !req
225. Now I know what you meant
when you said you wanted us to be friends.Copy !req
226. Of course.Copy !req
227. I am very happy for you.Copy !req
228. - Bye.
- Bye.Copy !req
229. Niles, fetch me a bottle of champagne,
would you?Copy !req
230. - To toast Miss Fine's success?
- No, to shoot my eye out with the cork!Copy !req
231. Come on, Nanny Fine.
We don't wanna be late.Copy !req
232. You know, we're meeting Uma and Uta
to see Emma with Oprah.Copy !req
233. Then dinner with Kyra,
Courtney and Keanu at—Copy !req
234. What's that place again?Copy !req
235. I'm so bad with names.Copy !req
236. Niles, hypothetically,Copy !req
237. if you cared very deeply for someone
but feared losing them,Copy !req
238. what would you say
to get them to stay?Copy !req
239. Sir, I'm not going anywhere.Copy !req
240. Not you, you blithering idiot.Copy !req
241. Miss Fine.Copy !req
242. - Aren't you gonna answer the door?
- Is that what that bell is?Copy !req
243. You know, I never knew that
because I'm such a blithering idiot.Copy !req
244. - Thank God you're all right.
- Why shouldn't I be?Copy !req
245. - Give me a hug.
- What?Copy !req
246. I was so worried.Copy !req
247. Make yourself scarce.Copy !req
248. Bubby Sophie came to her in a dreamCopy !req
249. and told her you were gonna have
a horrible accident.Copy !req
250. You rushed over here just because
someone appeared to you in a dream?Copy !req
251. Well, does everyone in your family
take this Bubby Sophie thing seriously?Copy !req
252. They do if they know what's good for them.Copy !req
253. She told me
you were gonna come home from workCopy !req
254. and kiss a perky brunette at the doorCopy !req
255. and take a terrible fall
over the ottoman.Copy !req
256. Ma, that's the opening
of the Dick Van Dyke Show.Copy !req
257. I'm telling you
it was in this very house.Copy !req
258. Look.Copy !req
259. Here's Ritchie.Copy !req
260. And there's Millie.Copy !req
261. Good night, Niles.Copy !req
262. I'm so full.Copy !req
263. I don't want breakfast tomorrow.
Just give me two Belgian waffles.Copy !req
264. Mr. Sheffield. Mr. Sheffield.Copy !req
265. Where am I?Copy !req
266. Miss Fine, what are you doing here?Copy !req
267. Well, I heard moaning and screaming
coming from your roomCopy !req
268. and I figured I should be a part of it.Copy !req
269. I just had a horrible dream.Copy !req
270. Calm down.Copy !req
271. Tell me what you dreamt
and I'll tell you what it meant.Copy !req
272. Well, I...Copy !req
273. I was at a party,
some sort of a celebration, for you.Copy !req
274. Do you know someone
named Bubby Sophie?Copy !req
275. My Bubby Sophie came
to you in a dream?Copy !req
276. - She was horrible, retched.
- They said she looked like me.Copy !req
277. With a fantastic body.Copy !req
278. Anyway, we were in a cemetery.Copy !req
279. Everyone was having a great time.Copy !req
280. Just about to toast your success, when...Copy !req
281. Maxwell!Copy !req
282. What's this I hear
About your nanny on a talk show?Copy !req
283. On a talk showCopy !req
284. Who's the schmuck
Who let her do this to your children?Copy !req
285. To your childrenCopy !req
286. I completely understand
You taking back the thingCopy !req
287. Yes, the thingCopy !req
288. She should be so happy
Just to have you as a friendCopy !req
289. And supportiveCopy !req
290. My Bubby said that?Copy !req
291. Sounds crazy, no?Copy !req
292. If your nanny stays on Rosie's showCopy !req
293. The kids will grow up wrongCopy !req
294. No!Copy !req
295. Miss Babcock will get MaxCopy !req
296. Fran'll stay single all her lifeCopy !req
297. Living with her mother
Living with her motherCopy !req
298. Living with her motherCopy !req
299. That's Fran's fateCopy !req
300. If she stays on Rosie's showCopy !req
301. Sorry, Miss Fine. Did I scare you?Copy !req
302. Yeah, I'm terrified.Copy !req
303. So, what do you think
this dream could mean?Copy !req
304. Well, it's obvious. Something
horrible is gonna happen to meCopy !req
305. unless I quit the Rosie Show.Copy !req
306. No way.Copy !req
307. You think?Copy !req
308. - You're absolutely right.
- Yeah.Copy !req
309. Thank God I don't buy into
all that Bubby Sophie mishegoss.Copy !req
310. - What?
- Mishegoss.Copy !req
311. Means crap.Copy !req
312. No. No, I mean, why don't you believe
in Bubby Sophie like your entire family?Copy !req
313. What, you think I'm gonna make
a life-altering decisionCopy !req
314. based on some woman I never even met
that comes to you in a dream?Copy !req
315. What am I, nuts?Copy !req
316. Now, if Barbara had come
to you in a dream...Copy !req
317. "Don't do Funny Girl, sir.
Barbara's so obvious.Copy !req
318. Do Fiddler instead."Copy !req
319. Sir, I said the whole dream idea
was ridiculous.Copy !req
320. Stop underestimating
Miss Fine's intelligenceCopy !req
321. and be honest with her for a change.
Tell her how you feel.Copy !req
322. My God, that's the thing!Copy !req
323. You told her how you felt
and then you took it back.Copy !req
324. No. You'd never be that stupid.Copy !req
325. - Hi, Mr. Sheffield.
- There you are, Miss Fine.Copy !req
326. Where have you been?
Hanging with the hip crowd?Copy !req
327. No, visiting Yetta.
I was with the hip-replacement crowd.Copy !req
328. But you know, she told me
not to be so quickCopy !req
329. to blow off your dream
about Bubby Sophie.Copy !req
330. She said that it was a sign that
I wasn't meant to be in the limelight.Copy !req
331. And, you know, the kids need me,
you need me.Copy !req
332. For the kids. Calm down.Copy !req
333. So I told Rosie that
this week was gonna be my last show.Copy !req
334. Well, that's your decision.Copy !req
335. And that's why I have an office
and you clean it.Copy !req
336. - Got fired?
- Yeah.Copy !req
337. Wait till you see my replacement.Copy !req
338. They got this retired couple from Florida
doing cheapo restaurant reviews.Copy !req
339. - It's $10.95 for a full dinner.
- Yeah.Copy !req
340. - Includes salad, soup, dessert, coffee.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
341. - And then, if you go with four people...
- Yeah.Copy !req
342. - You get one free!
- ... you get one dinner free!Copy !req
343. Can you believe they bumped me
for these two characters?Copy !req
344. Please! My parents could do better.Copy !req
345. Here's the sketch, boss.
I gotta get ready for my dream date.Copy !req
346. With who?Copy !req
347. Well, I don't know.Copy !req
348. I have to fall asleep first.Copy !req
349. - Laura.
- Sal.Copy !req
350. Hi, hon. I'm nearly done.Copy !req
351. Darling, I hope you're not upsetCopy !req
352. but I did something
I wasn't supposed to.Copy !req
353. Honey, it couldn't have been that bad.Copy !req
354. What'd you do?Copy !req
355. I pushed our beds together.Copy !req
356. Come on. Let's go home.Copy !req
357. No.Copy !req
358. You're not going anywhere.Copy !req
359. Alan wants to know what the thing is.Copy !req