1. Oh, God,
my allergies are so bad today.
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2. - Listen how stuffed up I sound.
- How can you tell?
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3. Where's all the tissues?
I thought this was a full box.
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4. Good morning.
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5. Fran, where are the double stuffed Oreos?
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6. Shut up, Brighton.
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7. - Here, sweetheart.
- Thank you.
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8. Listen, we're gonna have to be very
sensitive where your sister is concerned.
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9. - She's eager to develop.
- Yeah, you're right.
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10. In couple of years, we'll have to go
through the same thing with Maggie.
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11. I don't know
how I'm going to get through this day.
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12. My only remaining single friend
called to tell me he's getting married.
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13. Niles, you poor thing.
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14. You're probably feeling so vulnerable
and insecure, like a big loser.
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15. Welcome to my world, baby.
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16. It's just that I'm lonely, Miss Fine.
You don't know what it is
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17. to be the only one
of your friends who's not married.
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18. Hello!
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19. - And over 40.
- Not a clue.
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20. Niles, how I wish
that the woman of your dreams
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21. would just come walking
right through that door.
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22. I have been tasting garlic pesto
for two days now.
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23. Would she ever leave Morty?
What am I saying?
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24. Darling, I just won a contest,
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25. and I'm on my way over right now
to pick up my prize.
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26. Nineteen inches of heaven.
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27. I'm so hoping it's a TV.
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28. Brand new Sony Trinitron.
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29. And all I had to do was fill out
this little questionnaire on retirement.
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30. Sylvia, have you eaten breakfast already?
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31. - What do you think?
- Then, you'll just want a little nosh.
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32. I love you.
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33. And I love that perfume.
Good God, man, get a grip.
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34. Come on, Franny,
we gotta pick up the TV before 3:00.
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35. Ma, this is a scam.
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36. They're only trying to lure you down there
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37. so they can talk you into buying
a retirement condo in... Boca?
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38. I'm gonna get my bag.
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39. She was working in a bridal shop
In Flushing, Queens
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40. 'Til her boyfriend kicked her out
In one of those crushing scenes
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41. What was she to do, where was she to go?
She was out on her fanny
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42. So, over the bridge from Flushing
To the Sheffields' door
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43. She was there to sell makeup
But the father saw more
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44. She had style, she had flair
She was there
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45. That's how she became the Nanny
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46. Who would have guessed
That the girl we described
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47. Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed?
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48. - Now the father finds her beguiling
- Watch out, C.C.
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49. - And the kids are actually smiling
- Such joie de vivre!
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50. She's the lady in red
When everybody else is wearing tan
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51. The flashy girl from Flushing
The Nanny named Fran
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52. An average day at Sun Lake Village
consists of waking up,
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53. God willing...
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54. To breathtaking beaches,
lush foliage and unspoiled vistas.
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55. Tony Roma's.
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56. Just six minutes from a Loehmann's,
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57. a 24 hour Cadillac dealership
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58. and the best prostate man in South Florida.
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59. - See that guy in the front row?
- Yeah.
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60. - I'll bet he's got great hands.
- Yetta...
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61. What? One of us has to be able
to open the pickle jar.
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62. So, ma, what do you think?
This place looks fabulous.
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63. I couldn't make a decision like this
without discussing it with your father.
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64. And now, for those of you
who are ready to make a deposit,
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65. please, you'll join us for
complimentary coffee and cake.
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66. You know, I'm my own person.
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67. Does the appliances come in avocado?
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68. Mr. Sheffield, I know that
it's really late, but I couldn't sleep.
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69. And I was just hoping that you might be up.
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70. - Were you having a nightmare?
- I... think so.
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71. I was dreaming I was sleeping in my bed.
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72. - Yeah?
- And this incredibly sexy woman came in
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73. and bloody woke me up!
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74. You think I look incredibly sexy?
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75. Miss Fine,
what are you doing in my bedroom?
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76. Mr. Sheffield,
I've got insomnia and I couldn't sleep.
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77. And I thought if you couldn't sleep
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78. and you came into my room,
I'd be there for you.
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79. All right. So, why do you think
you can't sleep? What are you feeling?
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80. I'm feeling frustrated and I don't know why.
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81. Well...
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82. When do you...
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83. - When do you think this started?
- Four years ago.
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84. The insomnia kicked in tonight.
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85. Did something happen today
that's upsetting you or worrying you?
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86. No. It was a perfectly normal day,
manicure, pedicure, facial for Gracie.
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87. She had a big play date today.
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88. Then I took Ma to buy a condo in Florida,
then Bloomies, then home.
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89. Miss Fine,
your mother's moving to Florida?
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90. She put a deposit on a condo
for her and Daddy today.
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91. They're finally moving to Boca,
1372 miles away, roughly.
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92. Miss Fine, did it occur to you
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93. that your mother moving to Florida
might be what's troubling you?
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94. So not.
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95. Seriously. I think it might be
worrying you more than you think.
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96. I think this is the thing
you should talk to Dr. Miller about.
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97. - In therapy?
- Of course, in therapy.
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98. What do you think those sessions are for?
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99. You're not gonna tell me you sit there
week after week, talking about me?
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100. Yeah. Right.
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101. Hello, Dr. Miller.
I hope I'm not catching you at a bad time.
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102. Not at all.
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103. No. I'm always up at 5:30 in the morning.
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104. How did you get my home number?
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105. Let's just say there are 30 Dr. Millers
in the tri-state area
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106. that are a little PO'd at me.
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107. All right, Fran, what's the emergency?
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108. Dr. Miller, last night my dream came true.
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109. You know, I couldn't sleep,
so I went into Mr. Sheffield's room
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110. - and, while we were in bed...
- Yes?
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111. Don't get excited.
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112. Just on the night
when I should have been jumping for joy,
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113. I wound up miserable.
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114. It's not unusual that,
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115. when two people fantasize
for a long time about something
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116. and it happens, it's not uncommon
for them to feel let down.
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117. The question is, what about your feelings?
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118. Were you completely satisfied?
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119. I think so.
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120. I mean, you know,
it's what I've always dreamed of.
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121. - You know how long I've wanted this.
- Did you feel the earth move?
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122. Doc, they're moving to Boca,
not Antarctica.
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123. Excuse me?
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124. My parents are moving to Boca.
Why aren't I happy?
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125. Fran, it is a long
and sometimes painful process
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126. separating from one's mother,
but you have to understand
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127. you must do that in order
to become a mature, healthy adult.
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128. Mother, I am in session.
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129. I don't even know
why I still keep going to that Dr. Miller.
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130. I mean, listen to what this man says to me.
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131. For a woman my age, I have
an abnormal connection to my mommy.
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132. What's that?
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133. It's wrong, Fran.
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134. If you were still living at home
and sleeping on a pull out couch,
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135. - then already you'd be—
- You...
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136. You know, the man is wacko.
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137. Do you know how many people
would kill to have a relationship
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138. like I have with my mother?
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139. I mean, let's face it.
She's not getting any younger.
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140. You don't know how many years
you have together.
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141. You gotta appreciate
every precious moment.
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142. I don't want my mommy to move away.
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143. I'm really sorry.
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144. - Good, my antidepressants.
- They're mine.
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145. - Please, would you stop?
- Yeah.
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146. Just because your friend's getting married
and you're not.
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147. You know,
you don't exactly make tons of money.
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148. You should be happy
you don't have a wife to support.
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149. And on that note...
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150. Poor Niles,
always a best man, never a man.
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151. What do you think
will be the hardest part?
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152. Watching your friend kiss the bride,
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153. or starting every sentence with,
"No, I don't have a date."
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154. I was thinking of asking a tall,
voluptuous blond,
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155. but she's moving to Boca.
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156. You are pathetic. All right.
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157. If you're that desperate, I will go with you.
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158. That doesn't sound like you.
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159. Someone leave that
on your answering machine?
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160. Now you can just forget it.
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161. I wouldn't go with you if you begged me.
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162. - Pick you up at 8:00?
- 7:00. We'll have drinks.
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163. Oh, Val,
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164. What am I gonna do
without my mother being here?
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165. I'm gonna miss her hugs and kisses.
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166. Why is she the one that always gives me
that warm, fuzzy feeling?
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167. Because she don't wax her chin.
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168. You are not putting
brown pebble linoleum
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169. in my gray and mauve
nouveau riche condo.
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170. Your condo?
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171. Whose $350 a month social security
is paying the mortgage?
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172. Could you puke from this?
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173. And this is hip.
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174. At least mine is more appetizing.
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175. You need more appetite.
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176. Excuse me, Ma, but Dr. Artenberg says
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177. that I have a sluggish metabolism,
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178. and I have to eat or I will die.
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179. And if that happens, I will put in my will
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180. that you are not putting
this brown pebble fakakta linoleum!
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181. Val...
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182. I can't tell her not to move.
Look how happy she is.
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183. Miss Fine,
I've got a wonderful surprise for you.
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184. The entire family is going to Florida
for the weekend.
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185. Florida sucks.
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186. Miss Fine, do you really think
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187. that sundae can replace
your mother's love?
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188. No.
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189. Now it can.
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190. You've got to come to grips
with your mother moving.
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191. I'm trying to,
but every time I turn around,
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192. something else reminds me of her.
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193. Do I start yelling,
or will those things disappear on their own?
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194. She's just taking them out for a spin.
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195. Would you think of them
as training wheels?
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196. Come here, sweetie.
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197. Miss Fine, come with us. It'll be fun.
Look, we're traveling first class.
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198. Big shrimp. Free slippers.
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199. We'll be staying at the Fontainebleau,
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200. and your palatial suite has its own jacuzzi.
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201. On the terrace?
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202. I don't care. I'm not going.
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203. Miss Fine, I understand.
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204. But we'll be back Monday morning,
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205. after I finish judging
the Miss Universe contest.
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206. Maybe it would be better for me
to be around people.
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207. Hi.
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208. - Pretty girl, isn't she, Miss Fine?
- Yeah.
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209. You know,
her platform is the environment.
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210. You can tell she's had
her whole body reconstructed
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211. from her country's natural resources.
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212. A little jealous, are we, Miss Fine?
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213. Please! I've had a glimpse
of a few of their mothers.
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214. I know where they're headed.
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215. Speaking of mothers,
you're handling your future separation well.
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216. I'm very proud of you.
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217. You know,
this has been a great diversion for me.
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218. The plane, the shrimp,
watching Booty Call.
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219. Thank you for taking me on this trip.
I really haven't even thought about Ma.
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220. I'm always there for you, Miss Fine.
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221. I know. You are such a good friend and—
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222. They need me to take a picture
with Miss U.S.A.
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223. Hello, I am Alicia Machado.
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224. Hi. From Who's the Boss?
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225. No. That is Alyssa Milano.
But I get that all the time.
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226. I'm Miss Universe. Look at that.
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227. Miss Universe...
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228. Qué pasa, chica? Why are you crying?
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229. I just saw a contestant
that reminded me of my mother.
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230. - Who?
- Miss Hungary.
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231. Poor baby.
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232. Tell me, what interests you, Miss U.S.A.?
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233. You mean,
other than handsome judges?
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234. Mr. Sheffield, I wanna go home.
I have to tell Ma that she can't move.
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235. It sounds delicious.
Why don't you make reservations?
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236. Excuse me,
I just wanna say what a wonderful job
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237. your judges are doing,
especially that one over there.
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238. You know, his cousin's a little nervous.
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239. He's giving her a few tips
on how to win this thing.
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240. His cousin?
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241. What on earth would make them think
I was related to Miss U.S.A?
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242. She's bloody Hawaiian, for God's sake.
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243. Maybe it's a blessing in disguise.
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244. The British aren't exactly known
for picking the most attractive people
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245. to wear a crown.
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246. Miss Fine,
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247. I haven't seen Gracie's new figure
since we left Disney World.
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248. What happened?
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249. Space Mountain,
they blew off into a galaxy far, far away.
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250. So, Brighton, am I going the right way?
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251. Yeah. Just make a left at that old lady.
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252. We're in Florida. Which one?
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253. I don't remember
it taking this long to get to the airport.
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254. I mean, I'm just anxious to get home
and talk to Ma.
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255. Miss Fine,
I have a little confession to make.
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256. I thought we were going to Sylvia's condo?
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257. Stop the car!
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258. Miss Fine, do you want us all to die?
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259. When in Boca...
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260. I just thought,
if you actually saw your mother's condo
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261. and the beautiful lifestyle she'll have,
you might be happy for her.
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262. Wouldn't you think?
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263. Did you ever think some good
might come of your mother moving away?
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264. Mr. Sheffield,
I've been so lost since Ma left.
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265. Really? I feel wonderful.
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266. I don't know what it is, Miss Fine,
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267. but I feel so much closer to you
since Sylvia left.
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268. Sylvia who?
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269. Miss Fine, I'm not sure how much longer
I can control my feelings for you.
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270. Well, wait three, four seconds
and let her rip.
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271. I gave Niles the day off.
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272. Mr. Sheffield...
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273. Where are the children?
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274. I should know that, shouldn't I?
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275. School. They're in school till 3:00.
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276. So, there's nothing to stop us.
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277. I mean, your mother
isn't gonna be dropping by, is she?
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278. Ma's moving to Boca
Ma's moving to Boca
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279. Ma's moving to Boca
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280. According to the map,
we should be there by now.
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281. There's no condos around here.
This is a complete and total swamp.
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282. Oh, no.
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283. Oh, my God. Oh, no.
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284. Miss Fine, I think
your mother's been taken for a ride.
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285. No.
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286. You know what?
We'll get her deposit back.
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287. And as soon as possible,
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288. she'll put another down payment
on a condo in Boca. As soon as possible.
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289. Did I say that twice?
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290. I'm car sick. I think I'm gonna throw up.
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291. Me first.
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292. Miss Fine, your mother's not moving
to Boca, so why the sundae?
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293. My mother's not moving to Boca.
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294. Miss Fine...
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295. Where's Niles? Did I give him the day off?
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296. I guess so.
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297. Where are the children?
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298. I should know that, shouldn't I?
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299. This is delicious.
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300. - Here, you wanna try some?
- Yeah.
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301. Good, huh?
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302. Oh, boy, got a little chocolate
on the little mouthy.
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303. I have been tasting kung pao beef
for two days now.
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304. Almost there.
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305. Yes. Yes!
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306. Just give me 20 minutes to recover,
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307. and then I'll open up the apple sauce.
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308. Yeah.
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