1. What a beautiful day for a picnic.Copy !req
2. I'll tell you, I'm so glad we got out
of that dining room and back in to nature.Copy !req
3. Peppermint or Darjeeling?Copy !req
4. - Mint.
- You know, Miss Fine,Copy !req
5. it really was a wonderful idea of yours
to have a picnic.Copy !req
6. But I never took you
for the natural, outdoor type.Copy !req
7. Please, why do you think
I don't wear make-up.Copy !req
8. You know, at Camp Kindervelt,
Val and I used to roast marshmallowsCopy !req
9. on my curling iron.Copy !req
10. And if you steam a frankfurter
in your hot curlers,Copy !req
11. you'd swear you were at Nathan's.Copy !req
12. I'm sorry. What were you saying?Copy !req
13. Mr. Sheffield, that's the third time
you said "what are you saying?"Copy !req
14. There's something wrong
with your left ear.Copy !req
15. - I think your hearing's going bad.
- Nonsense.Copy !req
16. The herring's fine.Copy !req
17. The egg salad's a little suspicious.Copy !req
18. You know, my father had hearing problems.
And Ma dragged him to the doctor.Copy !req
19. He had to have
a whole irrigation going on.Copy !req
20. They found enough wax in there
for Madame TussaudsCopy !req
21. to make herself
a nice little Linda Hunt.Copy !req
22. Miss Fine, he'll never see a doctor.Copy !req
23. He's far too vain
to admit his hearing is going.Copy !req
24. You know, it's so sad
when a man can't age gracefully.Copy !req
25. Would you look at that spectacle?Copy !req
26. That 30 year old man
kissing that young girl.Copy !req
27. She could hardly be
more than Margaret's age.Copy !req
28. Where are her parents?Copy !req
29. - That's what I want to know.
- Hi, Maggie.Copy !req
30. Calm down. Calm down.Copy !req
31. This is just a phase. It'll pass.Copy !req
32. I once dated an older guy
when I was in high schoolCopy !req
33. and it led to nothing but a heart break.Copy !req
34. Especially when he failed me in math.Copy !req
35. She was working in a bridal shop
In Flushing, QueensCopy !req
36. 'Til her boyfriend kicked her out
In one of those crushing scenesCopy !req
37. What was she to do, where was she to go?
She was out on her fannyCopy !req
38. So, over the bridge from Flushing
To the Sheffields' doorCopy !req
39. She was there to sell makeup
But the father saw moreCopy !req
40. She had style, she had flair
She was thereCopy !req
41. That's how she became the NannyCopy !req
42. Who would have guessed
That the girl we describedCopy !req
43. Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed?Copy !req
44. - Now the father finds her beguiling
- Watch out, C.C.Copy !req
45. - And the kids are actually smiling,
- Such joie de vivre!Copy !req
46. She's the lady in red
When everybody else is wearing tanCopy !req
47. The flashy girl from Flushing
The Nanny named FranCopy !req
48. All right, young lady,
you've got some explaining to do.Copy !req
49. - Now start talking.
- Daddy, I just—Copy !req
50. I don't wanna hear it.
Now, go upstairs to your room.Copy !req
51. Come on, like she couldn't climb
out the window,Copy !req
52. shimmy down the trellis
and pay Niles extra so that she...Copy !req
53. This is between
you and your daughter.Copy !req
54. That boy is much too old for you,
Margaret.Copy !req
55. Dad, he's only 25.Copy !req
56. It's the best relationship I've ever had.Copy !req
57. - When did the two of you meet?
- This morning.Copy !req
58. At a book store.Copy !req
59. A book store.Copy !req
60. That's a great place
to meet intelligent guys.Copy !req
61. They'd have to light it bright enough
so you could read. Nah, no good.Copy !req
62. Come on, Dad,
you don't even know John.Copy !req
63. He's self-reliant, ambitious...Copy !req
64. - Plus he's already a vice president.
- Where?Copy !req
65. His dad's firm.Copy !req
66. Perfect. Some spoiled little rich brat
living off his father.Copy !req
67. What'd I do?Copy !req
68. Dad, I'm not a little kid anymore.
Why don't you trust me to go out with him?Copy !req
69. Because I was a 25 year old boy once
and I had nothing on my mindCopy !req
70. but sex, women
and how to combine them.Copy !req
71. My luck, I don't get to meet him until
he's going deaf and he can't digest corn.Copy !req
72. You better get used to it, young lady.
You're never seeing that boy again.Copy !req
73. You are so unfair!Copy !req
74. All right. That's it. That is it.Copy !req
75. I'm locking her in her room
until she's... your age.Copy !req
76. Mr. Sheffield, you can't lock her away
for... five years.Copy !req
77. Come on, why don't we at least meet
the guy? Then Maggie won't hate us.Copy !req
78. All right. I'll keep an open mind.
I don't suppose there could be any harmCopy !req
79. in meeting the twisted,
little cradle-robbing, sex maniac.Copy !req
80. Sex maniac? Well, maybe
I should meet this guy by myself.Copy !req
81. This is insane. I forbid Margaret
to go out with some 25 year old.Copy !req
82. Well, fine. If you forbid her to see him,
she's just gonna sneak out anyway.Copy !req
83. I was 17 once, too.
I snuck out all the time.Copy !req
84. Of course, I didn't have a boyfriend.Copy !req
85. I just wanted to eat bacon.Copy !req
86. You know, I don't know
why dad's making such a big dealCopy !req
87. about me dating an older guy.Copy !req
88. Because he's concerned
about your welfare.Copy !req
89. I mean, look at Anna Nicole Smith.Copy !req
90. She marries a guy
60 years older than her.Copy !req
91. He dies.
All she's left with is his fortune.Copy !req
92. So? Sometimes they live.Copy !req
93. My God! He's here.Copy !req
94. Hi, Maggie.Copy !req
95. Isn't he smart?Copy !req
96. - And who is your beautiful friend?
- Very smart.Copy !req
97. - Hi, I'm Fran Fine.
- Hi.Copy !req
98. - This is my friend Mike. We work together.
- Hi. I hope you don't mind,Copy !req
99. I just came along for a cappuccino
and the hot new Grisham.Copy !req
100. Well, I don't know about a Grisham
but the almond horn is delicious.Copy !req
101. So, what do you think?Copy !req
102. Honey, what can I say?
There's too big of an age difference.Copy !req
103. It's never gonna work out.Copy !req
104. That's incredible! I can't believe
how much you and I have in common, Fran.Copy !req
105. - I know. We're both Libras.
- We both love jazz.Copy !req
106. And we both think
that on the Mary Tyler Moore showCopy !req
107. Phyllis' off-screen husband, Lars,
might have been gay.Copy !req
108. - I love these shows. I grew up on them.
- Me too.Copy !req
109. Thank God for Nick at Nite.Copy !req
110. Yeah.Copy !req
111. So, Fran, where'd you go to school?Copy !req
112. - Hillcrest High.
- Really? When did you graduate?Copy !req
113. My senior year.Copy !req
114. So, Mike McMullen,
what are the chances of you being Jewish?Copy !req
115. Well, you know, actually,
my mother's Jewish, Fran, so technically—Copy !req
116. Say no more.Copy !req
117. Now, to satisfy
my mother's second question,Copy !req
118. what does your father do?Copy !req
119. He's a buyer for Loehmann's.Copy !req
120. I just could not get out of bed
this morning.Copy !req
121. Someone leave a big rock
on your coffin again?Copy !req
122. Very funny, janitor shaped like a drum.Copy !req
123. I can't sleep and it can't be the coffee
because all I drink here is decaf, right?Copy !req
124. Of course.Copy !req
125. Why don't I bring a nice cold soda in
to pick you up?Copy !req
126. All right. But make sure
it's caffeine free.Copy !req
127. Of course.Copy !req
128. Sir, I made an appointment
with the doctor for your hearing test.Copy !req
129. - What?
- I said I made an appointment—Copy !req
130. I heard what you bloody said.Copy !req
131. - Who told you to call the doctor?
- Miss Fine.Copy !req
132. Well, excuse me, but
when did she become master of the house?Copy !req
133. Three years ago, September.Copy !req
134. - Would you like me to cancel?
- Yes.Copy !req
135. Would you like me to kick back
and take the rest of the day off?Copy !req
136. I said, yes.Copy !req
137. All right.Copy !req
138. So, Fran, you and John's friend, Mike,
really seemed to hit it off.Copy !req
139. Yeah. You know,
it's so refreshing to meet a guyCopy !req
140. that thinks Pulp Fiction
is John Travolta's first film.Copy !req
141. You know, this is so cool.Copy !req
142. I mean, you're going out with Mike.
I'm going out with John.Copy !req
143. Well, you're half right.Copy !req
144. - Fran.
- Honey, he's way too old for you.Copy !req
145. You're 17, he's 25.
That is a huge gap.Copy !req
146. So? You're going out with Mike
and he's 25 and you're 33.Copy !req
147. I am not!Copy !req
148. Yes, you are. We had
your 30th birthday here three years ago.Copy !req
149. Well, I lied.
I said I was older to get the job.Copy !req
150. Well, what about your parents?Copy !req
151. You said that your father was
ten years older than your mother.Copy !req
152. No, I didn't. I said my mother took
ten years off his life.Copy !req
153. You are such a hypocrite.Copy !req
154. Why is it okay for Mike to date you
but it's not okay for me to date John?Copy !req
155. Because Mike is not my daughter.Copy !req
156. Well, neither am I.Copy !req
157. Well, go ahead
and cancel the date with MikeCopy !req
158. because now I'm dead.Copy !req
159. Meanwhile, Ma, it's been two whole days
and Maggie's still not talking to me.Copy !req
160. No. I didn't try and bribe her
with a salty pretzel and an egg cream.Copy !req
161. And thank you very much.Copy !req
162. Do you know how many years
it took me to stop solvingCopy !req
163. my emotional problems with food?Copy !req
164. Don't yell at me with your mouth full.Copy !req
165. Good bye. Good bye!Copy !req
166. - Fran. Forget about Maggie.
- What?Copy !req
167. I'm here and I think you're great.Copy !req
168. - In fact, I think you're the best darn—
- Brighton,Copy !req
169. you're not going
to the makeup party.Copy !req
170. Well, you're on your own.Copy !req
171. - Fran.
- What, sweetie?Copy !req
172. Maybe I can give you some advice.Copy !req
173. Remember, I had a crush
on an older man once.Copy !req
174. He used to bring me all those gifts.Copy !req
175. Sweetie, that was Santa.Copy !req
176. Niles.Copy !req
177. How am I ever gonna convince MaggieCopy !req
178. that she has nothing in common
with a 25 year old?Copy !req
179. And you do?Copy !req
180. Absolutely. I was 25.Copy !req
181. And for several years.Copy !req
182. I haven't slept for three days.
Niles, are you sure this is herbal tea?Copy !req
183. Of course.Copy !req
184. No sleep and yet I feel
oddly calm and relaxed.Copy !req
185. - Miss Babcock—
- What?Copy !req
186. I just wanted to say
that I'm glad you're hereCopy !req
187. because I really need
a woman to talk to.Copy !req
188. Well, aren't you going to say anything?Copy !req
189. What? You mean, because she said that,
you thought I was going to say somethingCopy !req
190. about you not being a woman?
That is beneath me, sir.Copy !req
191. What's on your mind, Nanny Fine?Copy !req
192. Well, Maggie thinks
I'm being hypocriticalCopy !req
193. because I'm dating a 25 year old
and she's not allowed to.Copy !req
194. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Who's Maggie?Copy !req
195. The big one.Copy !req
196. - Yeah.
- Forget her.Copy !req
197. So, you're dating a younger guy.Copy !req
198. Delicious!Copy !req
199. I think it's far more natural.Copy !req
200. Women don't even reach their sexual peak
until their 30s.Copy !req
201. Yeah, well, for me
it's happening much earlier.Copy !req
202. Girlfriend, you got it going on!Copy !req
203. I'm sorry. I was watching something
on FOX before I came over.Copy !req
204. When you were Maggie's age,
did you ever date an older guy?Copy !req
205. Sure. My father didn't care.Copy !req
206. But the world was a different place
when I was a girl.Copy !req
207. Yes. They thought it was flat.Copy !req
208. You know what? If I was smart,
I would just let her go out with the guy.Copy !req
209. Nanny Fine, Maxwell will kill you.Copy !req
210. Good idea.
Very unconventional. I like it.Copy !req
211. No. Don't you see? They will have
nothing to talk about with each other.Copy !req
212. She'll get bored and break it up with him
all on her own.Copy !req
213. Of course, I'll have to chaperone
with the young, eager-to-learn Mike.Copy !req
214. But it's not as if we don't have
a lot of stuff in common.Copy !req
215. We both dig
Toodie and the Blow Fish.Copy !req
216. Tea, sir?Copy !req
217. Tea, sir?Copy !req
218. How's the hearing,
you lucky little brat born into money?Copy !req
219. On my right side, I hear fine.Copy !req
220. Just funning you, sir.Copy !req
221. Mr. Sheffield,
about this Maggie-John situation,Copy !req
222. I think I've got the perfect solution.Copy !req
223. All I want to hear is that Margaret
is never seeing that boy again, Miss Fine.Copy !req
224. Fine. That's exactly
what you're gonna hear.Copy !req
225. They call him Flipper, Flipper,
faster than lightning,Copy !req
226. no one at sea is smarter than he.Copy !req
227. Well, go on.Copy !req
228. And, you know, Flipper
lives in a world full of wonder,Copy !req
229. lying there under, under the sea.Copy !req
230. And then she'll dump him.Copy !req
231. What do you think?Copy !req
232. Fabulous.Copy !req
233. - Fabulous. Keep up the good work.
- Thanks.Copy !req
234. Call for you on line one, sir.
Christopher Plummer.Copy !req
235. Finally!Copy !req
236. Now, get around here
and fix my blasted toilet.Copy !req
237. I'll get it.Copy !req
238. - Hi.
- Hi. Aren't you cute.Copy !req
239. All right. Back off.
Isn't it enough I'm letting you date her?Copy !req
240. Young lady!Copy !req
241. - What?
- What?Copy !req
242. Hello, Mr. Sheffield. Congratulations.
I read you're doing a new show.Copy !req
243. Why did Christopher Plummer drop out?Copy !req
244. Miss Fine, you, me, alone, right now!Copy !req
245. Typical male.
Doesn't know what he's got till it's gone.Copy !req
246. What is that man
still doing with MargaretCopy !req
247. and why were you kissing his friend?Copy !req
248. Well, look at him.Copy !req
249. You know, you didn't hear a word
that I said to you yesterday, did you?Copy !req
250. Well, that's the problem
with our whole relationship.Copy !req
251. That and the fact that you said
that you loved me in ParisCopy !req
252. and then you took it back,
you just took it back.Copy !req
253. I thought we agreed
to put all that behind us.Copy !req
254. Well, I thought
we'd be picking out China patterns.Copy !req
255. You know, if you had only—
Come here.Copy !req
256. If you'd only gotten your hearing checked,
none of this would have happened.Copy !req
257. Why are you so vain
about getting older?Copy !req
258. - I'm vain about getting older?
- Yes.Copy !req
259. I'm not the one trying to recapture
my youth, Mrs. Robinson.Copy !req
260. Now, would you please relax.
Maggie is a very smart girl.Copy !req
261. I guarantee you one more dateCopy !req
262. and she'll realize
she has nothing in common with him.Copy !req
263. What about you
and your young friend?Copy !req
264. I'm a slow learner.Copy !req
265. So get this.
I finally call the accountant up and I sayCopy !req
266. "You call this a tax refund?"
200 bucks.Copy !req
267. - A lot more than I got back.
- I got back $2500...Copy !req
268. after I declared all my dependents.Copy !req
269. Fran, you're a single woman.
What dependents?Copy !req
270. I support a lot of people.Copy !req
271. Donna, Karan, Ralph, Lauren,
Liz and Claiborne.Copy !req
272. I've never paid taxes.Copy !req
273. How do you do that?Copy !req
274. Hi, guys. What'll you have?Copy !req
275. - Vodka martini, straight up.
- Two, please.Copy !req
276. I'll have a margarita, no salt.Copy !req
277. Joan Collins, please.Copy !req
278. Honey, that's Tom Collins.Copy !req
279. And no.Copy !req
280. You'll have a better chance
getting Joan.Copy !req
281. But who doesn't?Copy !req
282. Gonna have to proof you guys.Copy !req
283. Ma'am, you're fine.Copy !req
284. Are you sure?Copy !req
285. - Excuse me. Ma'am.
- What?Copy !req
286. Please. I need to see your ID.Copy !req
287. My, this is such a hassle.Copy !req
288. You guys, I got a great idea.
John, what do you say afterwards,Copy !req
289. we head down to the Blue Note
we go listen to a little jazz.Copy !req
290. - Great!
- Jazz? Who likes jazz?Copy !req
291. - I do.
- I do.Copy !req
292. Wait a minute.
We should do something that we all like.Copy !req
293. What do you wanna do?Copy !req
294. Well, I could see Clueless again.Copy !req
295. Tell you what.
Why don't we go grab something to eat?Copy !req
296. - Eating is good.
- I could always eat again.Copy !req
297. - Fran, could I talk to you for a minute?
- Excuse us.Copy !req
298. I wanna go. I just think
that I should be alone with John.Copy !req
299. Well, I think that I should be alone
with Armand AssanteCopy !req
300. but that ain't happening either.Copy !req
301. I want to break up with him.Copy !req
302. - We have nothing in common.
- Really?Copy !req
303. You sure you gave it enough time?Copy !req
304. Fran, he didn't even knowCopy !req
305. that the Saved By The Bell kids
went to college.Copy !req
306. You knew this was gonna happen,
didn't you?Copy !req
307. Yeah. But you had
to find it out for yourself.Copy !req
308. Honey, you're a teenager, he's an adult.Copy !req
309. It's perfectly normal for you guys
to have nothing in common.Copy !req
310. Well, I have everything
in common with you.Copy !req
311. Well, I'm stunted. I have no life.Copy !req
312. I'm sorry I said
I wasn't your daughter.Copy !req
313. You are like a real mother to me.Copy !req
314. Well, sweetie, why don't you
and John take the limo home.Copy !req
315. Me and Mike'll cab it later.Copy !req
316. You're not bored with Mike?Copy !req
317. So not!Copy !req
318. See? When your sideburns are longer,
it makes your face look thinner.Copy !req
319. Plus, it wouldn't hurt
to lay off the brie.Copy !req
320. - Next customer.
- Well, all right.Copy !req
321. Yes, I could use a trim. Thank you.Copy !req
322. You know, Miss Fine,
I just caught MargaretCopy !req
323. making out
with that boy from her class.Copy !req
324. God, I am so happy!Copy !req
325. I don't know what you did
but it certainly worked.Copy !req
326. Well, I was just like Maggie
when I was 17.Copy !req
327. Except I wasn't tall, rich and thin.Copy !req
328. And I never put Miracle Whip
on a bagel.Copy !req
329. You know, you were right about me too.Copy !req
330. I was putting off
having my hearing checkedCopy !req
331. because I was afraid of getting older.Copy !req
332. Well, I was dating Mike
because he made me feel younger.Copy !req
333. And you know what I learned
from that whole experience?Copy !req
334. Worked like a charm.Copy !req
335. What'd the doctor say?Copy !req
336. Well, it seems I'm suffering
from some short-term hearing loss.Copy !req
337. It could be a virus or...Copy !req
338. prolonged exposure
to an unusual frequency or pitch.Copy !req
339. That's funny. I live here
and I've never had that problem.Copy !req
340. Brighton!Copy !req
341. Must be a virus.Copy !req
342. My God, I completely forgot
you were waiting, C.C.Copy !req
343. I am so sorry.Copy !req
344. I've just been to the ear doctor. I...
I feel terrible.Copy !req
345. Look how lovely you look.Copy !req
346. I'll tell you what, why don't we go
to your favorite restaurant?Copy !req
347. Just the two of us?Copy !req