1. Wow!
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2. Boy, I'd be all over you
if I were ten years older.
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3. Down, boy, that ain't gonna happen
for another 20 years.
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4. Well, get it while you can.
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5. I may have met someone else
and moved on by then.
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6. Welcome to the windmills of my mind.
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7. Come on, what's going on?
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8. You don't usually haul out the Mr. French
collection unless something's up.
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9. Well, Mr. Sheffield swore me to secrecy.
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10. It's been long enough.
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11. Frankly, I don't know what the secret is.
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12. His grandmother Eloise
is coming for a visit.
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13. - What's the big deal?
- He wants you out of the house.
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14. That would be the secret part.
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15. Miss Fine, you know I've been thinking
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16. you've been looking
a little tired recently.
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17. Why don't you take the weekend off, hmm?
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18. Watch me turn this negative
into a positive.
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19. All right. How about Maui?
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20. I was thinking
more along the lines of your parents'?
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21. Oh, they burn. How about Aspen?
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22. Done.
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23. Are you that desperate
to get rid of me?
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24. What? You're afraid
I'm going to embarrass you
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25. in front of your grandmother?
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26. Who told you...?
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27. Niles!
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28. Miss Fine, please understand,
every few years,
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29. she descends on members
of the family
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30. to make sure they're up to her standards
or they're out of her will.
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31. And for that, you would hurt my feelings
and ask me to leave?
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32. How much more money does a person need?
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33. - She's worth 80 million.
- Bye-bye.
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34. She was working in a bridal shop
in Flushing, Queens
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35. 'Till her boyfriend kicked her out
in one of those crushing scenes
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36. What was she to do
Where was she to go
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37. She was out on her fanny
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38. So over the bridge from Flushing
to the Sheffield's door
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39. She was there to sell makeup
But the father saw more
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40. She had style, she had flair,
She was there
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41. That's how she became the nanny
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42. Who would have guessed
That the girl we've described
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43. Was just exactly what
The doctor prescribed
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44. Now the father finds her beguiling
Watch out C.C.
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45. And the kids are actually smiling
Such joie de vivre
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46. She's the lady in red
When everybody else is wearing tan
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47. The flashy girl from Flushing
The nanny named Fran
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48. Mr. Sheffield
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49. I just wanted to tell you
how sweet I think it is
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50. that you've begged me to stay
and meet your grandmother.
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51. I believe my exact words were,
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52. "Would you please stop the crying
and screaming. I give up! Stay!"
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53. Now, you see, I prefer to see
the glass as being half full.
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54. Grandma Eloise.
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55. Oh, I do wish we had known sooner
that you were coming
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56. - so we could have—
- Moved?
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57. - May I?
- Niles,
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58. - so good to see you.
- Thank you.
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59. Remember how we used to have
those little talks
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60. when you were a little boy?
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61. Your dreams of becoming
a famous barrister,
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62. a member of Parliament.
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63. Life's cruel, isn't it?
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64. Hello. I am Francesca Finé.
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65. And may I say it is an honor,
nay, a privilege
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66. to be working
for such a fancy schmancy family.
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67. - That's an intriguing outfit.
- Thanks. I got it half off.
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68. I was wondering
where the rest of it was.
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69. Eighty million.
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70. Well, grandmother, shall we?
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71. - Eloise, it's a pleasure to see you again.
- Thank you, my dear.
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72. - You always look so beautiful.
- Oh, well.
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73. I don't understand.
Are you single by choice?
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74. Yes, but not hers.
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75. You know Maxwell, I am so sorry
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76. that I missed your play's
opening night in London.
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77. I tried to get a ticket for the next day
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78. but they wouldn't put the sets back up,
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79. get the actors all together
for just one person.
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80. Eighty mill. Eighty mill.
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81. Sheffield residence.
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82. Oh, yes. Miss Fine, it's your mother.
She sounds hysterical.
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83. She probably just got out of the shower
and saw the mirror has two tuchases.
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84. And here are the children.
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85. Come, kiss your great grandma.
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86. - Fifty quid to the first one over.
- I love you, nana.
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87. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
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88. Danny.
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89. Danny Imperiali.
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90. The man I was in love with.
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91. Danny was her ex-fiancé.
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92. Not anymore.
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93. He's dead!
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94. - Why, why, why?
- Eighty million.
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95. Que sera, sera.
You want some more Earl Grey?
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96. Hello.
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97. Oh, Val, I hope I didn't dress too festive
for a wake but I had to wear this.
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98. I mean, in private, Danny always used
to call me his little tiger.
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99. What is this? The Serengeti?
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100. Look, there's Heather.
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101. Who would have thought,
when Danny dumped me for her,
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102. four years later she was gonna be
so alone and miserable.
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103. Poor Heather, honey.
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104. Fran, it's so unfair.
I'm too young to be a widow.
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105. - I know.
- Who is that?
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106. Focus, Heather.
It's your husband's funeral.
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107. Every time I look at the bathroom handle,
I can see Danny's underwear hanging there.
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108. He actually hung his underwear up for her?
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109. All those years of me training him
and she reaps the benefit.
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110. - I can't believe Danny's gone.
- I know.
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111. Who dies from an allergic reaction
to back wax?
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112. You know, it's hereditary. Yeah, he lost
a couple of aunts that way too.
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113. Look at him, Val, lying there.
The first love of my life.
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114. - Boy, I thought he was indestructible.
- I know.
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115. After he forgot your birthday
and you tried to run him over,
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116. - he survived that.
- Yeah.
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117. Then when you caught him
kissing Veronica Fortay
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118. - and then tried to—
- Val, the point is that.
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119. Val...
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120. My sandwich and the olives,
they fell in the coffin.
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121. - Go get it.
- I'm not touching him.
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122. Hurry up.
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123. I got a couple.
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124. Oh, my God.
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125. Val, Val, my watch is caught
in his zipper.
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126. - Cover for me.
- Her watch is caught on his zipper.
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127. You know, you are Rain Man
without the math skills.
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128. Oh, look, Fran, they're bringing out
the jumbo shrimp.
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129. Give a—
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130. I knew that would work.
You're such a hussa, Fran.
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131. Hi there. Friend or family?
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132. - Former lover.
- Hmm.
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133. Sorry for your loss.
I know how it feels.
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134. Don't tell me
he called you his little tiger too?
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135. No.
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136. You know, if it had a pulse...
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137. I never even met him.
I just bit the inside of my cheek.
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138. - Harvey.
- Hi, Harvey. Fran.
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139. I meant, I know what it's like
to lose someone.
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140. My significant other, Bernard,
passed away six months ago.
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141. I'm so sorry.
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142. Ever since, I just like to crash funerals.
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143. I find it therapeutic to dwell.
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144. Oh, you're Jewish.
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145. We'd been together 16 years
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146. but no one ever knew
what our real relationship was.
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147. Now he's gone and his family,
they pretend like I never existed.
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148. I mean, did they really think
that the guy in all those pictures
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149. with Bernard was the dog walker?
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150. Sure, he's wearing a collar
in a couple of them,
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151. but you know,
that's none of their business.
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152. Well, excuse me for asking, Harvey,
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153. but what kind of a doormat are you
to live with a guy all those years
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154. that keeps the fact
that he loves you, a secret?
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155. I mean, believe me,
I know people that live like that
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156. and by the fourth year,
well, I'm sick of it.
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157. I wasn't a doormat.
He told me he loved me constantly.
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158. He was doting and romantic
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159. and we even had
a private ceremony in Honolulu
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160. and he gave me this ring—
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161. You know what, Harvey,
don't be such a cry baby.
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162. Ma, I gotta talk to you.
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163. Darling, I'm so glad you're here.
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164. Here, help me eat this.
I'm defrosting.
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165. Ma, I met this man at Danny's funeral.
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166. - Fabulous. He's Jewish?
- Yeah, and a doctor.
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167. And he's gay.
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168. So you seeing him again?
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169. Ma, how desperate do you think I am?
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170. Friday, we're gonna see Show Boat.
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171. Anyway, the thing is, his lover died
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172. and his family will not acknowledge
the fact that they had a relationship.
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173. Oh, widower?
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174. The point is, if something
happened to Mr. Sheffield,
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175. I could have the same problem.
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176. It's still cold. You want?
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177. Ma, I'm pouring my heart out.
All right, since you made.
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178. You know, the thing is...
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179. If God forbid, something
happened to daddy...
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180. At least the world would know
you were his wife and he loved you.
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181. I only wish for you the joy
that me and your father have.
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182. Look at this.
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183. You can't fill a tray, you putz?
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184. See, this is what I want.
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185. Missed a spot.
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186. Missed a spot.
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187. Missed a spot!
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188. Here, I don't wanna hog her.
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189. - We have to talk, mister.
- Surely you mean, "may we" and "sir"?
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190. Oh! So you're already pretending
that there's nothing between us?
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191. And you're not even dead yet.
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192. Miss Finé, perhaps you're still grieving
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193. - over the sad loss of your—
- Of what? What? My youth?
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194. Don't you know that if you were,
God forbid, in a coma,
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195. technically I'm not considered family.
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196. I wouldn't be allowed to pull the plug.
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197. I should at least have
that much satisfaction.
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198. Grandmother, I'm going to need
a few minutes alone with my nanny.
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199. Missed a spot.
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200. You told me that you loved me.
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201. Well, I want a man
that will shout it from the roof tops.
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202. I told you I loved you
but then I took it back.
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203. You shout at the wrong parts.
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204. That's it. I quit.
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205. I am not going to wake up some day
and have to fight your family
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206. for that picture of you in a dog collar.
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207. Miss Fine!
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208. You already did that spot.
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209. Attention all shoppers!
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210. Will the lady who left
the Armani sunglasses
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211. at the cosmetics counter...
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212. please bring the case?
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213. Fran, you are so lucky that this job
came up just when you quit.
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214. I know.
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215. You know the lady that used
to work here was very elderly
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216. and she was shrinking.
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217. Every time she opened the cash register
the drawer would hit her in the head.
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218. - So they fired her?
- No, no. They kept her on.
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219. She works two weeks a year as an elf.
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220. Boss coming.
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221. Yes, miss, this blush is
absolutely perfect on you.
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222. It's gonna drive your boyfriend wild.
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223. You know, I don't have a boyfriend, Fran.
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224. Well, look who's finally behind
her counter.
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225. Hello, Mr. Binder.
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226. - Do you see those security cameras?
- Uh-huh.
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227. Peek-a-boo.
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228. At 10:15,
they caught you in ladies shoes.
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229. At 10:30, purses.
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230. Then there was a mad dash
through hosiery. Then jewelry.
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231. Ending with a non-fat double latte
in the food court.
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232. Well, with all that shopping,
I needed a little caffeine buzz.
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233. I just can't believe
Miss Fine actually quit.
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234. She stood here in this very room
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235. and implied that working
for me was a dead end.
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236. Pish tosh. Look how I've risen
in the company.
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237. I suppose
I should have seen it coming.
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238. A man can't tell a woman
he loves her and then take it back.
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239. - You what?
- Maxwell—
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240. Get out, old woman!
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241. Did you just say that you told
Miss Fine that you loved her?
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242. - Hmm.
- And then you took it back?
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243. - Yeah.
- That's it, isn't it? That's the thing.
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244. I could kick you in the seat of the pants.
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245. I beg your pardon?
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246. I said I need to press the pleat in
your pants, but that's beside the point.
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247. Now, you march yourself down
to that department store
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248. - and beg that woman to come back.
- Don't you dare give orders to me.
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249. I'm the one who makes decisions
around here.
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250. Daddy, you march right down
and you get Fran back.
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251. - You really think I should?
- Yes.
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252. But I need a pretext.
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253. Well, why don't you take Grace
and lose her. I do it all the time.
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254. I'll go get my coat.
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255. Dad, I don't know what you did to her,
but you better hope that she forgives you.
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256. - I didn't do anything to her.
- I bet you wish you did now.
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257. Children, would you mind
leaving us alone for a minute.
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258. - What was that for?
- To get you back for kicking me.
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259. - Well, I didn't kick you.
- I bet you wish you did now.
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260. Is this thing on?
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261. Listen.
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262. Well, Bernice in ladies shoes
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263. please hold the size seven,
Manolo Blahnik lavender mules.
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264. I think I can sneak away
in about 10 minutes, Bernice.
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265. Nanny Fine,
what are you doing here?
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266. Ms. Babcock, didn't you hear? I quit.
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267. - Oh, that's terrible.
- I know.
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268. Maxwell will be so lonely without you.
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269. You know,
it was a difficult decision to make,
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270. but ultimately,
I had to do what was best for me.
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271. Yeah. I have to get back to work.
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272. Maxwell and I have
a very long night ahead of us.
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273. Oh.
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274. Excuse me. Can you tell me
where ladies lingerie is, please?
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275. Is this thing on?
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276. Bernice told me to tell you
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277. they're out of size seven
lavender mules.
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278. Do they come in mauve?
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279. - Just put these samples in gift bags.
- Certainly.
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280. Merry Christmas, Maggie.
Happy Hanukkah, ma
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281. and congratulations on your new job, Fran.
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282. Miss Fine.
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283. Mr. Sheffield, what are you doing here?
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284. I just thought I'd drop by
and see how the new job was going.
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285. - Nothing more, nothing less.
- No.
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286. No ulterior motive.
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287. Happy?
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288. I'm thrilled. I love it here.
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289. They treat me with a lot of respect.
It's a whole different experience.
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290. Miss Fine!
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291. Anyway, Mr. Sheffield you know,
I hope that you understand
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292. why I had to leave. I mean,
it just became too painful for me.
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293. Nobody really knows
what we have with each other.
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294. Except for Ma, Val,
and I'm sure the kids have an inkling.
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295. Are you two getting back together?
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296. I have to eat lunch with someone.
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297. Miss Fine, you've got to know
how I feel about you, I...
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298. I'm just not ready to shout it
from the roof tops yet.
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299. But I have put it in writing.
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300. I've declared my feelings
for you in my will.
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301. Oh, great. So I have
to wait until you're dead
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302. before everybody can know
how you feel about me?
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303. But then I can never take it back.
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304. That's so sweet.
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305. Well, at least when you're dead,
I'll have something to look forward to.
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306. - Happy?
- Er. Happier.
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307. But what about Grandma Eloise?
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308. I mean, aren't you afraid
that when she finds out
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309. what you put in your will,
she's gonna cut you out of hers?
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310. I don't give a damn about her millions.
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311. I just hope she lives long enough
to hear what I put in my will.
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312. You're pretty cocky.
Could it be because she's a 150?
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313. Come on, Mr. Sheffield,
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314. why don't you tell me
what you wrote in your will.
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315. Well, I don't actually have it here.
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316. Oh, don't be shy.
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317. Just close your eyes
and pretend that you're dead...
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318. and tell me what you said.
It'll just be between us.
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319. I, Maxwell Sheffield,
care deeply for Fran Fine
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320. and told her, "I love you."
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321. No!
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322. Is there something going on
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323. between my grandson
and your granddaughter?
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324. What, are you senile?
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325. They got teenage kids
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326. and they only been married
three years.
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327. Married?
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328. Nobody tells me anything.
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329. Yetta, you're the only one
that likes me for me,
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330. not just to get into my will.
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331. Well, why wouldn't I?
You're a very lovely lady.
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332. It's Yetta Rosenberg, R-O-S-E.
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333. Oh, Fran, thanks for having me over.
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334. - Oh, sure.
- I can't believe Danny's dead.
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335. What's gonna happen to me?
He's the only man I've ever been with.
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336. Heather.
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337. I think you're suffering from
a little state of shock there, sweetie.
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338. How am I gonna go on? I mean, no one's
ever gonna be able to replace—
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339. Who is that?
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340. He's gay. Bye.
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341. She's gay.
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