The Nanny 4x12

Directed by Dorothy Lyman

Ann Morgan Guilbert as Yetta Rosenberg • Rachel Chagall as Val Toriello • Renée Taylor as Sylvia Fine • Pamela Anderson as Heather Biblow-Imperiali • Todd Graff as Harvey

Fran goes to her former fiancé Danny's funeral, and fearing she may end up alone, she pushes Maxwell for a commitment.

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1. Wow!

2. Boy, I'd be all over you if I were ten years older.

3. Down, boy, that ain't gonna happen for another 20 years.

4. Well, get it while you can.

5. I may have met someone else and moved on by then.

6. Welcome to the windmills of my mind.

7. Come on, what's going on?

8. You don't usually haul out the Mr. French collection unless something's up.

9. Well, Mr. Sheffield swore me to secrecy.

10. It's been long enough.

11. Frankly, I don't know what the secret is.

12. His grandmother Eloise is coming for a visit.

13. - What's the big deal? - He wants you out of the house.

14. That would be the secret part.

15. Miss Fine, you know I've been thinking

16. you've been looking a little tired recently.

17. Why don't you take the weekend off, hmm?

18. Watch me turn this negative into a positive.

19. All right. How about Maui?

20. I was thinking more along the lines of your parents'?

21. Oh, they burn. How about Aspen?

22. Done.

23. Are you that desperate to get rid of me?

24. What? You're afraid I'm going to embarrass you

25. in front of your grandmother?

26. Who told you...?

27. Niles!

28. Miss Fine, please understand, every few years,

29. she descends on members of the family

30. to make sure they're up to her standards or they're out of her will.

31. And for that, you would hurt my feelings and ask me to leave?

32. How much more money does a person need?

33. - She's worth 80 million. - Bye-bye.

34. She was working in a bridal shop in Flushing, Queens

35. 'Till her boyfriend kicked her out in one of those crushing scenes

36. What was she to do Where was she to go

37. She was out on her fanny

38. So over the bridge from Flushing to the Sheffield's door

39. She was there to sell makeup But the father saw more

40. She had style, she had flair, She was there

41. That's how she became the nanny

42. Who would have guessed That the girl we've described

43. Was just exactly what The doctor prescribed

44. Now the father finds her beguiling Watch out C.C.

45. And the kids are actually smiling Such joie de vivre

46. She's the lady in red When everybody else is wearing tan

47. The flashy girl from Flushing The nanny named Fran

48. Mr. Sheffield

49. I just wanted to tell you how sweet I think it is

50. that you've begged me to stay and meet your grandmother.

51. I believe my exact words were,

52. "Would you please stop the crying and screaming. I give up! Stay!"

53. Now, you see, I prefer to see the glass as being half full.

54. Grandma Eloise.

55. Oh, I do wish we had known sooner that you were coming

56. - so we could have— - Moved?

57. - May I? - Niles,

58. - so good to see you. - Thank you.

59. Remember how we used to have those little talks

60. when you were a little boy?

61. Your dreams of becoming a famous barrister,

62. a member of Parliament.

63. Life's cruel, isn't it?

64. Hello. I am Francesca Finé.

65. And may I say it is an honor, nay, a privilege

66. to be working for such a fancy schmancy family.

67. - That's an intriguing outfit. - Thanks. I got it half off.

68. I was wondering where the rest of it was.

69. Eighty million.

70. Well, grandmother, shall we?

71. - Eloise, it's a pleasure to see you again. - Thank you, my dear.

72. - You always look so beautiful. - Oh, well.

73. I don't understand. Are you single by choice?

74. Yes, but not hers.

75. You know Maxwell, I am so sorry

76. that I missed your play's opening night in London.

77. I tried to get a ticket for the next day

78. but they wouldn't put the sets back up,

79. get the actors all together for just one person.

80. Eighty mill. Eighty mill.

81. Sheffield residence.

82. Oh, yes. Miss Fine, it's your mother. She sounds hysterical.

83. She probably just got out of the shower and saw the mirror has two tuchases.

84. And here are the children.

85. Come, kiss your great grandma.

86. - Fifty quid to the first one over. - I love you, nana.

87. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

88. Danny.

89. Danny Imperiali.

90. The man I was in love with.

91. Danny was her ex-fiancé.

92. Not anymore.

93. He's dead!

94. - Why, why, why? - Eighty million.

95. Que sera, sera. You want some more Earl Grey?

96. Hello.

97. Oh, Val, I hope I didn't dress too festive for a wake but I had to wear this.

98. I mean, in private, Danny always used to call me his little tiger.

99. What is this? The Serengeti?

100. Look, there's Heather.

101. Who would have thought, when Danny dumped me for her,

102. four years later she was gonna be so alone and miserable.

103. Poor Heather, honey.

104. Fran, it's so unfair. I'm too young to be a widow.

105. - I know. - Who is that?

106. Focus, Heather. It's your husband's funeral.

107. Every time I look at the bathroom handle, I can see Danny's underwear hanging there.

108. He actually hung his underwear up for her?

109. All those years of me training him and she reaps the benefit.

110. - I can't believe Danny's gone. - I know.

111. Who dies from an allergic reaction to back wax?

112. You know, it's hereditary. Yeah, he lost a couple of aunts that way too.

113. Look at him, Val, lying there. The first love of my life.

114. - Boy, I thought he was indestructible. - I know.

115. After he forgot your birthday and you tried to run him over,

116. - he survived that. - Yeah.

117. Then when you caught him kissing Veronica Fortay

118. - and then tried to— - Val, the point is that.

119. Val...

120. My sandwich and the olives, they fell in the coffin.

121. - Go get it. - I'm not touching him.

122. Hurry up.

123. I got a couple.

124. Oh, my God.

125. Val, Val, my watch is caught in his zipper.

126. - Cover for me. - Her watch is caught on his zipper.

127. You know, you are Rain Man without the math skills.

128. Oh, look, Fran, they're bringing out the jumbo shrimp.

129. Give a—

130. I knew that would work. You're such a hussa, Fran.

131. Hi there. Friend or family?

132. - Former lover. - Hmm.

133. Sorry for your loss. I know how it feels.

134. Don't tell me he called you his little tiger too?

135. No.

136. You know, if it had a pulse...

137. I never even met him. I just bit the inside of my cheek.

138. - Harvey. - Hi, Harvey. Fran.

139. I meant, I know what it's like to lose someone.

140. My significant other, Bernard, passed away six months ago.

141. I'm so sorry.

142. Ever since, I just like to crash funerals.

143. I find it therapeutic to dwell.

144. Oh, you're Jewish.

145. We'd been together 16 years

146. but no one ever knew what our real relationship was.

147. Now he's gone and his family, they pretend like I never existed.

148. I mean, did they really think that the guy in all those pictures

149. with Bernard was the dog walker?

150. Sure, he's wearing a collar in a couple of them,

151. but you know, that's none of their business.

152. Well, excuse me for asking, Harvey,

153. but what kind of a doormat are you to live with a guy all those years

154. that keeps the fact that he loves you, a secret?

155. I mean, believe me, I know people that live like that

156. and by the fourth year, well, I'm sick of it.

157. I wasn't a doormat. He told me he loved me constantly.

158. He was doting and romantic

159. and we even had a private ceremony in Honolulu

160. and he gave me this ring—

161. You know what, Harvey, don't be such a cry baby.

162. Ma, I gotta talk to you.

163. Darling, I'm so glad you're here.

164. Here, help me eat this. I'm defrosting.

165. Ma, I met this man at Danny's funeral.

166. - Fabulous. He's Jewish? - Yeah, and a doctor.

167. And he's gay.

168. So you seeing him again?

169. Ma, how desperate do you think I am?

170. Friday, we're gonna see Show Boat.

171. Anyway, the thing is, his lover died

172. and his family will not acknowledge the fact that they had a relationship.

173. Oh, widower?

174. The point is, if something happened to Mr. Sheffield,

175. I could have the same problem.

176. It's still cold. You want?

177. Ma, I'm pouring my heart out. All right, since you made.

178. You know, the thing is...

179. If God forbid, something happened to daddy...

180. At least the world would know you were his wife and he loved you.

181. I only wish for you the joy that me and your father have.

182. Look at this.

183. You can't fill a tray, you putz?

184. See, this is what I want.

185. Missed a spot.

186. Missed a spot.

187. Missed a spot!

188. Here, I don't wanna hog her.

189. - We have to talk, mister. - Surely you mean, "may we" and "sir"?

190. Oh! So you're already pretending that there's nothing between us?

191. And you're not even dead yet.

192. Miss Finé, perhaps you're still grieving

193. - over the sad loss of your— - Of what? What? My youth?

194. Don't you know that if you were, God forbid, in a coma,

195. technically I'm not considered family.

196. I wouldn't be allowed to pull the plug.

197. I should at least have that much satisfaction.

198. Grandmother, I'm going to need a few minutes alone with my nanny.

199. Missed a spot.

200. You told me that you loved me.

201. Well, I want a man that will shout it from the roof tops.

202. I told you I loved you but then I took it back.

203. You shout at the wrong parts.

204. That's it. I quit.

205. I am not going to wake up some day and have to fight your family

206. for that picture of you in a dog collar.

207. Miss Fine!

208. You already did that spot.

209. Attention all shoppers!

210. Will the lady who left the Armani sunglasses

211. at the cosmetics counter...

212. please bring the case?

213. Fran, you are so lucky that this job came up just when you quit.

214. I know.

215. You know the lady that used to work here was very elderly

216. and she was shrinking.

217. Every time she opened the cash register the drawer would hit her in the head.

218. - So they fired her? - No, no. They kept her on.

219. She works two weeks a year as an elf.

220. Boss coming.

221. Yes, miss, this blush is absolutely perfect on you.

222. It's gonna drive your boyfriend wild.

223. You know, I don't have a boyfriend, Fran.

224. Well, look who's finally behind her counter.

225. Hello, Mr. Binder.

226. - Do you see those security cameras? - Uh-huh.

227. Peek-a-boo.

228. At 10:15, they caught you in ladies shoes.

229. At 10:30, purses.

230. Then there was a mad dash through hosiery. Then jewelry.

231. Ending with a non-fat double latte in the food court.

232. Well, with all that shopping, I needed a little caffeine buzz.

233. I just can't believe Miss Fine actually quit.

234. She stood here in this very room

235. and implied that working for me was a dead end.

236. Pish tosh. Look how I've risen in the company.

237. I suppose I should have seen it coming.

238. A man can't tell a woman he loves her and then take it back.

239. - You what? - Maxwell—

240. Get out, old woman!

241. Did you just say that you told Miss Fine that you loved her?

242. - Hmm. - And then you took it back?

243. - Yeah. - That's it, isn't it? That's the thing.

244. I could kick you in the seat of the pants.

245. I beg your pardon?

246. I said I need to press the pleat in your pants, but that's beside the point.

247. Now, you march yourself down to that department store

248. - and beg that woman to come back. - Don't you dare give orders to me.

249. I'm the one who makes decisions around here.

250. Daddy, you march right down and you get Fran back.

251. - You really think I should? - Yes.

252. But I need a pretext.

253. Well, why don't you take Grace and lose her. I do it all the time.

254. I'll go get my coat.

255. Dad, I don't know what you did to her, but you better hope that she forgives you.

256. - I didn't do anything to her. - I bet you wish you did now.

257. Children, would you mind leaving us alone for a minute.

258. - What was that for? - To get you back for kicking me.

259. - Well, I didn't kick you. - I bet you wish you did now.

260. Is this thing on?

261. Listen.

262. Well, Bernice in ladies shoes

263. please hold the size seven, Manolo Blahnik lavender mules.

264. I think I can sneak away in about 10 minutes, Bernice.

265. Nanny Fine, what are you doing here?

266. Ms. Babcock, didn't you hear? I quit.

267. - Oh, that's terrible. - I know.

268. Maxwell will be so lonely without you.

269. You know, it was a difficult decision to make,

270. but ultimately, I had to do what was best for me.

271. Yeah. I have to get back to work.

272. Maxwell and I have a very long night ahead of us.

273. Oh.

274. Excuse me. Can you tell me where ladies lingerie is, please?

275. Is this thing on?

276. Bernice told me to tell you

277. they're out of size seven lavender mules.

278. Do they come in mauve?

279. - Just put these samples in gift bags. - Certainly.

280. Merry Christmas, Maggie. Happy Hanukkah, ma

281. and congratulations on your new job, Fran.

282. Miss Fine.

283. Mr. Sheffield, what are you doing here?

284. I just thought I'd drop by and see how the new job was going.

285. - Nothing more, nothing less. - No.

286. No ulterior motive.

287. Happy?

288. I'm thrilled. I love it here.

289. They treat me with a lot of respect. It's a whole different experience.

290. Miss Fine!

291. Anyway, Mr. Sheffield you know, I hope that you understand

292. why I had to leave. I mean, it just became too painful for me.

293. Nobody really knows what we have with each other.

294. Except for Ma, Val, and I'm sure the kids have an inkling.

295. Are you two getting back together?

296. I have to eat lunch with someone.

297. Miss Fine, you've got to know how I feel about you, I...

298. I'm just not ready to shout it from the roof tops yet.

299. But I have put it in writing.

300. I've declared my feelings for you in my will.

301. Oh, great. So I have to wait until you're dead

302. before everybody can know how you feel about me?

303. But then I can never take it back.

304. That's so sweet.

305. Well, at least when you're dead, I'll have something to look forward to.

306. - Happy? - Er. Happier.

307. But what about Grandma Eloise?

308. I mean, aren't you afraid that when she finds out

309. what you put in your will, she's gonna cut you out of hers?

310. I don't give a damn about her millions.

311. I just hope she lives long enough to hear what I put in my will.

312. You're pretty cocky. Could it be because she's a 150?

313. Come on, Mr. Sheffield,

314. why don't you tell me what you wrote in your will.

315. Well, I don't actually have it here.

316. Oh, don't be shy.

317. Just close your eyes and pretend that you're dead...

318. and tell me what you said. It'll just be between us.

319. I, Maxwell Sheffield, care deeply for Fran Fine

320. and told her, "I love you."

321. No!

322. Is there something going on

323. between my grandson and your granddaughter?

324. What, are you senile?

325. They got teenage kids

326. and they only been married three years.

327. Married?

328. Nobody tells me anything.

329. Yetta, you're the only one that likes me for me,

330. not just to get into my will.

331. Well, why wouldn't I? You're a very lovely lady.

332. It's Yetta Rosenberg, R-O-S-E.

333. Oh, Fran, thanks for having me over.

334. - Oh, sure. - I can't believe Danny's dead.

335. What's gonna happen to me? He's the only man I've ever been with.

336. Heather.

337. I think you're suffering from a little state of shock there, sweetie.

338. How am I gonna go on? I mean, no one's ever gonna be able to replace—

339. Who is that?

340. He's gay. Bye.

341. She's gay.