1. Has anyone seen my
"tropical getaways" brochure?
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2. You know, B, you didn't have to steal it.
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3. I was gonna donate it to the library
under your mattress.
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4. - Wait a minute. This isn't my trig book.
- Yeah.
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5. Guys come up with the lamest excuses.
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6. Oh, yeah, like when you told me that
you had that whisker burn
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7. all over your face
from kissing my mother. Hello.
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8. Fran, that really happened.
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9. Oh, well, I'll give you that one.
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10. I wish I could get away for the holidays,
but I just have so much work do.
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11. Cheers. Gotta keep that nose so bright.
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12. Don't you guide his sleigh that night?
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13. I've gotta get that flu shot.
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14. Fran, does this mean that
you won't be with us for Christmas?
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15. No, sweetie.
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16. Your father and I are taking
separate vacations this year.
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17. You know, sometimes when two people
spend a lot of time together
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18. and one's not willing to commit,
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19. the other has to take the money that
she would've spent on her trousseau
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20. and drown her sorrows in Bahama Mamas.
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21. You know, it's okay, Fran.
It's not like you and Daddy are married
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22. - or dating, or even—
- Babbling, sweetie.
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23. Miss Fine, this is ridiculous.
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24. We don't have to take separate vacations.
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25. Look, I really think that
it'll be better for us
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26. and I don't wanna argue about it
because my mind's made up.
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27. Well, it's a shame.
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28. I was thinking of chartering a yacht
and cruising off the Greek islands.
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29. Well, nothing's set in stone.
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30. Well, I'd like to discuss
this with you in private.
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31. If that's all right with you two.
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32. - Yeah, you talking to me?
- Did you say something?
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33. Come on. Let's go to my office.
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34. Whoa, Nellie.
Don't you know,
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35. it's terribly impolite to listen in
on other people's conversations.
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36. This from the man who posed
for the RCA dog.
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37. Now, let go of me.
I don't wanna miss this.
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38. All right, but be careful.
I just...
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39. waxed the floor.
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40. She was working in a bridal shop
In Flushing, Queens
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41. 'Till her boyfriend kicked her out
In one of those crushing scenes
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42. What was she to do
Where was she to go
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43. She was out on her fanny
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44. So over the bridge from Flushing
To the Sheffield's door
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45. She was there to sell make-up
But the father saw more
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46. She had style, she had flair
She was there
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47. That's how she became the Nanny
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48. Who would have guessed
That the girl we've described
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49. Was just exactly what
The doctor prescribed
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50. Now the father finds her beguiling
Watch out C.C.
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51. And the kids are actually smiling
Such joie de vivre
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52. She is the lady in red
When everybody else is wearing tan
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53. The flashy girl from Flushing
The Nanny named Fran
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54. I just don't understand
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55. why you're suddenly
taking a separate vacation.
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56. What is the big deal?
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57. It's not like we're one of those needy,
codependent couples
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58. that have to spend every waking
moment with each other.
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59. Right? Where you going?
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60. I just think the holidays
are a time for us to be together.
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61. Like a warm loving family.
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62. Well, I got news for you.
A warm loving family
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63. requires a legally binding certificate
registered with the state
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64. and Pottery Barn.
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65. Besides, what is this unnatural obsession
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66. with you not wanting me
to take a vacation by myself?
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67. Well, now I have absolutely no idea
what you're talking about.
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68. No?
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69. I'm taking the entire family on a cruise.
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70. - Where you going?
- The Caribbean.
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71. That's fabulous.
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72. Just like me.
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73. I know. We're coming with you.
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74. What?
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75. Now, Miss Fine, wasn't it your idea
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76. that Brighton should have
a big bar mitzvah-like to-do?
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77. Yeah, bar mitzvah on land.
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78. We're desert people.
We don't like to get wet.
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79. That's why we parted the Red Sea.
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80. That. Well...
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81. Why can't you just be honest,
Mr. Sheffield?
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82. The reason why you don't want
me going on a vacation alone
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83. is because you are terrified
that I'm gonna meet someone.
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84. Yes, you are always sabotaging my dates.
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85. That is ridiculous.
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86. Every one of your dates I've been on,
I behaved like a perfect gentleman.
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87. You know, Maxwell,
you're welcome to join us.
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88. Oh, well, that sounds...
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89. terribly inconvenient.
Couldn't possibly. Good night.
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90. Are you sure?
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91. Well, actually...
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92. - What kind of car does he drive?
- A limo.
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93. - Town Car?
- Stretch. It's enormous.
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94. Bigger than mine?
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95. Oy, if it's so important to you,
whip yours out of the garage
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96. and we'll have a limo-measuring contest.
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97. All right, fine.
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98. Take your vacation at some tacky resort
with its "tequila shooter night"
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99. and, oh, yes, the big "Macarena" marathon.
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100. For your information, this place
happens to be nothing like that.
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101. It's very, very classy.
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102. Oh, look, they've got
a strip limbo contest.
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103. If that touches, is he disqualified?
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104. Maybe from the contest.
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105. Oh, my God!
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106. - This is beautiful. It's paradise.
- Oh, Fran!
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107. Hola and welcome, ladies.
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108. My name is Rico.
Please, ladies, after you.
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109. Oh, well, you know, Rico, in our country,
it's customary for the man to go first.
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110. Really?
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111. God bless America.
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112. See, Fran, aren't you glad
you came with me?
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113. You wouldn't be able to flirt with Rico
with Mr. Sheffield all over you,
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114. dancing, smearing you with baby oil,
taking you for cocktails at sunset.
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115. You know, Val, this is why my mother
never wanted me to play with you.
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116. - Where's the paint?
- It's down there.
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117. Why?
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118. Well, you were in such
a rush to get up here,
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119. - I felt so—
- It doesn't matter!
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120. Let's just go down and get it.
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121. Now, unlock your lever when I say three.
Have you got that, Val? Three.
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122. Oh, my God! Val!
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123. Fran, look at all these people.
We're never gonna get on the first bus.
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124. Don't worry. I'll take care of that.
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125. Can you believe that gorgeous,
two-bedroom apartment
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126. on the corner there for only
400 bucks a month?
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127. Oh, Val, could you believe
how stupid those people— Val!
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128. Oh, my God! A roach! A roach!
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129. Well, take your shoe off and kill it.
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130. - Val, this breeze is just fabulous.
- I know.
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131. Come on, let's get out
of these bulky clothes.
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132. Attention guests,
a small tropical depression
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133. might be heading for the island.
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134. So, there will be free cocktails
inside the Lido Pavilion.
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135. - Free cocktails.
- What's it called?
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136. Okay, that's canceled.
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137. Get in!
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138. Mr. Sheffield, a terrible hurricane
is gonna hit the island that Franny is on.
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139. My baby is gonna die.
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140. Sylvia!
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141. Hold me. Don't be such a Gentile.
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142. Sylvia, I know.
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143. I've heard, but it's all...
It's gonna be all right. Come on.
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144. It's times like this you look up
to God and ask, "Why? Why?"
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145. Well, now, we can't ask why, Sylvia.
It's nature. It's random. It's—
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146. No. Why don't you marry my daughter?
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147. She'd be home safe with us right now.
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148. Now, Sylvia, I appreciate you're upset
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149. but I'd prefer not to discuss something
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150. that's really between
Miss Fine and myself.
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151. Make an exception.
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152. How often am I here?
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153. Here they are, Naomi and Wynonna.
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154. Do I smell banana fritters
with fresh fruit compote?
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155. No.
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156. Could I?
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157. Ma!
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158. Miss Taylor, I'd like you
to meet my mother.
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159. Sylvia Fine.
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160. This meeting bestows an honor upon me
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161. which is unparalleled within my universe.
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162. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
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163. I told them no salt!
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164. - Oh, my God. Sun! Sun!
- Sun.
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165. - Did I get anything?
- No!
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166. Fran, I'm scared!
This is like a real hurricane!
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167. Calm down, Val!
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168. If it gets really bad, we could always
tie ourselves to something sturdy!
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169. This will do.
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170. If you hadn't waxed the stupid floor,
this never would have happened.
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171. Oh, come on, don't be such a baby.
You're really getting the hang of it.
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172. I'm hungry.
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173. Well, it's your fault
for not showing up for lunch.
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174. I was waiting
in the dining room for hours!
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175. But I served upstairs in the solarium.
Why didn't you...
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176. Oh...
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177. You wouldn't be able to torture me
like this if I wasn't in this chair.
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178. But you are, Babs, you are.
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179. - Coffee?
- Yes, please.
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180. No!
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181. This is ridiculous.
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182. I don't know why that
stupid store doesn't deliver.
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183. They do.
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184. Oh, dear, I wonder if I can catch her.
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185. Miss Babcock.
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186. Maxwell, darling, is that you?
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187. Don't turn around.
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188. I'm yours.
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189. Tell me what you want me to do.
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190. Cluck like a chicken.
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191. What?
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192. It turns me on.
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193. Get out of my way.
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194. Oh, Niles!
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195. Oh, God, this thing is stuck!
How do I stop it?
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196. Hold on, I'll get the manual.
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197. - Niles, are you busy?
- Free as a bird, sir.
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198. Niles! Niles!
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199. Niles!
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200. Hurricane Diane continues
to cut a path of destruction
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201. and is bearing down
on the Caribbean. Stay tuned.
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202. Niles, I'm awfully worried.
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203. What if she dies?
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204. Oh, I'll feed her eventually, sir.
I'm just screwing with her head.
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205. I'm talking about Miss Fine.
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206. What if something happens to her?
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207. She'll never know how I feel about her.
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208. - No one knows.
- No one?
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209. Hello.
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210. Niles, what am I gonna do?
These costumes are gonna be ghastly.
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211. Was C.C. right?
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212. Have I let my judgment be impaired
by my feelings for Miss Fine?
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213. What feelings are those, sir?
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214. - Well, you know.
- No, I don't, sir.
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215. - Come on, Niles.
- But you'd feel much better
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216. - if you just said it.
- Perhaps you're right.
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217. - Maybe I should just admit that—
- Knock, knock.
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218. Oh, wait!
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219. Why is she throwing
herself at him anyway?
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220. I mean, it's not as if she's never seen
a good-looking man before.
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221. I've been known to turn a few heads
in my time. Right, Niles?
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222. You're a brick... house.
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223. Mighty, mighty.
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224. What do I have to do
to convince her she's desirable?
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225. Oh, sir, I'm sure
you'll think of something.
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226. I mean, after all, you're a man,
she's a woman.
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227. Fill in the blanks.
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228. The children are at school.
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229. She's lying on the sofa.
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230. And if all else fails,
what would Pierce Brosnan do?
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231. I don't know, Val.
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232. - All right. Sela Ward from Sisters.
- Yes!
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233. You are so good.
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234. You know what? I'm gonna call
the family at home.
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235. Let them know that we're okay.
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236. Oh, Mr. Sheffield gave you his phone?
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237. Gave, fell in my purse, who remembers?
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238. Val, the room is gonna cave in!
We're gonna die!
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239. Shouldn't our life be flashing
before our eyes?
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240. Val, we're over 30, single,
and in bed with each other.
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241. What life?
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242. Those poor children.
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243. They're gonna be lost without
my love and attention.
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244. Did you find out who it is yet?
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245. Honey, what did I tell you about snooping?
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246. - That there should be a lookout.
- Good. Go wait in the hall.
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247. Right.
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248. A hickey, Maggie?
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249. Did you really think that
you were gonna hide a hickey
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250. from me with a little pressed powder?
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251. You need oil-based concealer.
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252. You know, just forget it.
It's too humiliating.
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253. Well, what could be so humiliating
about being smaller in the locker room?
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254. Master Willie is here with his nanny.
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255. Now, honey, you go make an entrance
and check yourself like I taught you.
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256. I'm fine.
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257. Well, I am never coming back
to this place again.
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258. I ordered room service a half an hour ago.
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259. Do you see a fajita?
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260. Get up. I saw you through the window.
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261. - Wait. Miss Fine,
- Mr. Sheffield,
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262. - this idea of taking a separate vacation
- This was a lousy idea.
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263. was a horrible idea.
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264. - I missed you dreadfully.
- I had a terrible time.
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265. - And I'm so glad you're back.
- Let's never do this again.
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266. - What? Nothing.
- What? Nothing.
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267. The fact is, you're safe
and we're all together for the holidays.
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268. Yes, and I am never leaving home again.
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269. Unless, of course,
you're dying to take a trip.
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270. Then we can always charter a yacht
around the Greek islands.
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271. You know, Miss Fine, this will be
our fourth Christmas together.
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272. It seems like only yesterday
you came knocking on our door.
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273. - May I see your resume, please?
- Yeah, sure.
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274. - Crayon?
- Lipstick.
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275. Of course. What a lovely shade.
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276. I hate her.
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277. - Now, Brighton, let's not be hasty.
- Yeah.
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278. I haven't even sung
"Climb Every Mountain" yet.
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279. Miss Fine, you seem to have listed
the Queen Mother as a reference?
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280. What? Let me see that.
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281. Oh, no. That's not the Queen Mother.
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282. That's my mother from Queens.
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283. I can't believe that was four years ago
and still, I'm only two years older.
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284. You didn't think that
I could handle this job
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285. but I turned out to be quite
a professional.
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286. While you're here, tell me,
should I take this back?
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287. I think you should put it on.
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288. I already had it on. It flattens out my—
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289. Mr. Sheffield,
why didn't you say anything?
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290. Well, I didn't notice.
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291. You didn't... You know,
I'm beginning to wonder about you too.
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292. I can't get it on. I'm stuck.
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293. - Help me. Help me.
- Relax, Miss Fine, we'll get it on.
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294. No, rip it out.
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295. Mr. Sheffield. I'm so hot.
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296. I can't do this standing up.
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297. Let's get on the bed.
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298. If you let me tell Miss Babcock
about this, I'll work free for a year.
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299. Miss Fine, remember who signs your check.
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300. Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
I'm not gonna hit you with this.
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301. Fake out.
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302. Friends?
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303. All right, friends.
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304. Come here.
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305. Look, stop it! Don't! Stop!
Stop! Don't! No!
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306. But, you know, Mr. Sheffield,
out of all the memories,
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307. you know which one was my favorite?
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308. I now pronounce you husband and wife.
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309. Mazel tov.
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310. You may kiss the bride.
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311. Well, Miss Fine, that never happened.
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312. I threw that one in for you guys.
Happy holidays.
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313. Niles, I got you invited to Greece.
Why can't you just relax and enjoy it?
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314. Well, I'm sorry, but I can't help feeling
that I left something on in the kitchen.
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