1. Niles.
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2. Friday night, dressed to kill.
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3. Going to temple to pray for a date?
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4. Ma said they've got a new cantor,
and he's single and gorgeous.
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5. I'm hoping for a religious experience.
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6. Does anyone in your faith
ever take a vow of celibacy?
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7. Just me.
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8. But I decided that I'm taking
Maggie and Gracie with me.
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9. I think that it's important
that they learn
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10. how people of other religions pick up men.
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11. By the way, the airline called.
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12. I'm afraid
they can't locate your suitcase.
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13. It doesn't matter. That's why
you never put anything important
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14. in the baggage that you check.
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15. Well, it's automatically insured for $500.
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16. But stupid me, had to put
that $500 watch in there!
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17. When did you get a $500 watch?
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18. Tomorrow.
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19. Well, sorry, I can't join you
and the girls
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20. on your pilgrimage
to find single spiritual leaders,
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21. but Dad and I are gonna go see
the Padres play the Mets.
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22. All right. See you guys.
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23. All right. Well, Brighton and I are off
to see Pagliacci at the Met.
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24. Isn't it funny how people just hear
what they want to hear?
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25. Yes. One of the pitfalls of a big house.
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26. When did Brad Pitt call the house?
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27. Okay, Fran, I'm ready for temple.
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28. Honey, it's only Friday night services.
We're not fleeing Anatevka.
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29. She was working in a bridal shop
In Flushing, Queens
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30. 'Til her boyfriend kicked her out
In one of those crushing scenes
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31. What was she to do, where was she to go?
She was out on her fanny
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32. So, over the bridge from Flushing
To the Sheffield's door
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33. She was there to sell makeup
But the father saw more
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34. She had style, she had flair
She was there
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35. That's how she became the Nanny
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36. Who would have guessed
That the girl we described
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37. Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed?
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38. - Now the father finds her beguiling
- Watch out, C.C.
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39. - And the kids are actually smiling
- Such joie de vivre!
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40. She's the lady in red
When everybody else is wearing tan
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41. The flashy girl from Flushing
The Nanny named Fran
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42. Ma, is he hot stuff or what?
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43. Look at this. My M&M's melted in my hand.
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44. Calm down. It's in Hebrew.
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45. What, you're afraid
you'll miss something?
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46. Bravo! Bravo!
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47. All right, it's over.
May the games begin.
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48. Okay, now, honey, remember,
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49. when you see me talking to the cantor,
what are you gonna do?
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50. I'm gonna rush over and say,
"Excuse me, miss, are you Julia Roberts?"
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51. Remember, project.
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52. Fran, I'm starving.
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53. I thought you said
it was a Jewish tradition,
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54. to have Chinese food at temple.
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55. After temple, honey, after temple.
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56. Here's a ham sandwich.
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57. Don't eat it
till you get to the parking lot.
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58. And if anybody asks, it's smoked turkey.
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59. Gary, gorgeous service!
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60. Sylvia, it's always a joy
to sing the wonders of God's universe.
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61. Yeah, yeah. I want you
to meet my daughter.
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62. Ma, don't be so pushy.
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63. Hi, I'm Fran.
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64. I'm Gary, and I don't think
I've seen you here before
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65. because I would have remembered.
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66. Well, I've been temple shopping, you know.
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67. Nothing's really popped,
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68. but I haven't been here
since I was a kid in Sunday school.
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69. When was that, Ma? Ten years ago?
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70. Please, ten years ago,
she was baby-sitting my Rachel.
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71. You're lucky that we're in temple, Sara.
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72. So, Cantor, Gary,
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73. I work for Maxwell Sheffield,
the Broadway producer.
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74. If ever you or your wife
want to get theater tickets—
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75. I'm not married.
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76. - No!
- No!
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77. But I love the theater,
so if you'd like to come with me sometime.
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78. - Yes!
- Yes!
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79. Excuse me, miss.
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80. Yes, little girl?
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81. Are you Julia Child?
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82. 'Cause I'm always gonna be there
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83. I'm always gonna be there
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84. For you, girl
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85. - Bravo!
- Bravo!
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86. Bravo!
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87. What a finale?
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88. Now, that's, that is
why you get Burt Bacharach!
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89. And imagine how it'll sound
when we get someone who can sing!
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90. Like you. Boy, you're good!
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91. I hope you know the way to San Jose.
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92. Burt, this is so exciting!
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93. You know, the last person
to play that piano was Marvin Hamlisch.
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94. You're gonna do a show
with Marvin Hamlisch?
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95. - No, no, no. It was a, a social thing.
- Yeah.
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96. You had a party for Marvin?
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97. No, no, no. It wasn't a party.
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98. - It was an awards thing.
- Yeah.
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99. Marvin got another award?
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100. Miss Fine! Please, come and,
come and meet Burt Bacharach.
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101. Mr. Bacharach!
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102. Hi, I have all of your albums.
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103. My father was always so jealous of you.
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104. He wanted to be a songwriter?
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105. No. He wanted to marry Angie Dickenson.
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106. I'm sorry. Everybody,
I want you to meet Gary Isaacs.
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107. This is the new cantor at my temple.
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108. - Mr. Bacharach, I'm a big fan of yours.
- Thank you.
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109. You know, sometimes at temple
when things get too solemn,
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110. I do one of your numbers.
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111. I say a little prayer for you
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112. Forever, forever, you'll stay in my heart
And I will love you
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113. Forever, forever, we never will part
Oh, how I love you
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114. Together, together, that's how it must be
To live without you
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115. Would only mean heartbreak for me
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116. One more time.
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117. Yes. Well, that was very nice.
Thank you. Thank you so much.
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118. - Lovely. Now, run along, Nanny Fine.
- Wait a minute.
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119. I want him in the show.
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120. Run back. Run back. Run back.
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121. You're hired. Congratulations.
You're in a Broadway show.
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122. Well, thank you. I never thought
anything like this would happen to me.
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123. I— I'm just a cantor. Here.
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124. You have an agent at William Morris?
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125. I did his son's bar mitzvah.
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126. And I've got to tell you, I was smoking!
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127. Gary, I'm so excited for you.
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128. You know,
you are going to sell out every night.
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129. The women are going to love him!
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130. They're gonna line up
outside the stage door
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131. just to slip you their numbers.
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132. You know, we don't even know
if the man can dance, really.
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133. Niles, looky here!
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134. A $500 check just fell out
of the friendly skies.
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135. Miss Fine, have you ever thought
that taking this check
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136. might be construed as fraud?
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137. Well, I don't know,
Mr. Fourteen Dependents.
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138. And it's not easy for me to support them,
considering I'm a student.
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139. Now, would you get out of my home office?
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140. I'm going.
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141. Ma invited me and Gary to dinner tonight.
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142. She's even taking the plastic covers
off of the couch.
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143. The last time that happened,
we found her macramé string bikini.
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144. Your mother used to wear a string bikini?
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145. She still does.
You just can't see it anymore.
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146. I'm so sorry, Sylvia.
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147. You think it will stain?
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148. What, Rabbi, red wine?
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149. Please, it's a blessing.
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150. And the chewing gum that you tracked in
on the carpet will come out
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151. with the peanut butter
that you got on the chair.
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152. Rabbi, you got to try this blueberry pie.
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153. - No!
- No!
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154. This is what your mother calls
an intimate gathering?
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155. Well, you know, ever since you and I
have been going out,
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156. Ma's kind of become the Candy Spelling
of Temple Beth Shalom.
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157. I haven't seen your father.
Where is he?
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158. He's right over there.
He just dropped a fork.
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159. Hi, Daddy.
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160. You know, Gary,
once you become a big Broadway star,
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161. it'll be parties like this every night.
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162. But you better drink some coffee
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163. because this crowd could go
till eight maybe nine o' clock.
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164. Franny, you are so adorable.
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165. Have I thanked you
for everything you've done for me?
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166. Honey, wait until I've done everything.
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167. Then you'll really have something
to be thankful for.
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168. I can't believe all the celebrities
that are here.
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169. These two, their cousins owned
Wilson's House of Suede.
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170. Don't gawk. They like
to be treated like normal people.
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171. Why don't you sing something for us?
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172. Well, I'd love to, Sylvia, but, first,
I have an announcement to make.
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173. - Gary!
- My God!
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174. Everybody, quiet, quiet.
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175. My daughter's boyfriend, the cantor,
is gonna make an announcement.
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176. Morty, take the gravy boat
away from the rabbi!
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177. My friends,
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178. I truly believe that being a cantor
was the most rewarding thing in my life.
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179. And then I met Fran.
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180. Fran, I wanna tell you something and...
I hope that you can accept,
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181. my deepest thanks
for making my dreams come true.
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182. - And?
- And?
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183. And I want you to be
the first to know that,
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184. I'm leaving the temple
to pursue a career on Broadway.
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185. He's leaving the temple?
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186. It's all Sylvia's fault!
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187. Baby, I still love you
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188. I'm just giving up to
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189. Change my mind
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190. Maybe you could change my mind
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191. If you want to stop me
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192. It's decision time
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193. Gary, you're fabulous.
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194. I just wish I could offer you
a larger part.
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195. But, you know, you're still gonna stop
the show in the second act.
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196. - Do I get my own dressing room?
- Good. You do comedy, too.
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197. Maxwell,
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198. it's your worst nightmare!
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199. Will you stop announcing yourself?
I'll be out of a job.
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200. The lead in our show
got hit by a bus!
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201. C.C., you can't be serious!
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202. My God, this is a disaster.
We're gonna have to put on the understudy.
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203. Maxwell, aren't you going to ask
how he is?
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204. Yes, of course. You're right.
How is he?
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205. The understudy stinks!
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206. I walk away
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207. Or we save this love tonight
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208. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
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209. That a man just died. Life is short
and we should go upstairs and just—
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210. Hire Gary.
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211. Hire Gary?
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212. Kinky.
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213. You mean for the show.
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214. Okay, Ma, you could take off
the sunglasses.
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215. I need somebody to recognize me
from the temple
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216. so they can give me the evil eye?
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217. Ma, you can't wear a disguise.
You're not like me.
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218. You have a very distinctive voice.
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219. I'll keep them on, thank you.
I can see.
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220. Go play with your brother
and the little one.
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221. That haircut is awful on her.
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222. Ma, look, I cannot tell Mr. Sheffield
to fire Gary.
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223. I don't make his decisions,
tell him what do, run his life.
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224. We're not married.
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225. Without Gary, the temple is going under.
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226. Blockbuster Video already
is measuring the parking lot.
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227. Fran, you are looking at the star
of the new Burt Bacharach musical.
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228. Honey, that is so—
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229. I'm sorry. I rented Nell yesterday.
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230. Listen, Gary, why don't you go
get measured for your costume?
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231. Now that I'm playing the lead,
I guess my salary shoots up, too.
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232. There's that comic timing again.
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233. Mr. Sheffield, you know, I think
that you're taking a big chance with Gary.
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234. I mean, we don't even know him,
and the show is like your baby.
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235. I mean, would you trust your kids
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236. to the first stranger
that walked off the street, again?
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237. Miss Fine, the man is a tremendous talent.
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238. He's gonna be
the biggest star on Broadway.
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239. He'll be rich and famous.
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240. You know, Ma, temples we got.
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241. But a Blockbuster in the neighborhood
could be a blessing.
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242. Listen, you two, I want my cantor back.
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243. My friends have disowned me.
My life is over.
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244. I want to die!
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245. Does this have almond extract?
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246. Well, I'm sorry, Sylvia, but he's my star
and I want him in my show.
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247. I have a contract.
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248. Ma, you're just gonna have
to accept this like a grownup.
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249. Besides, it's two against one.
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250. It's not two against one.
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251. I have a higher power on my side.
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252. You'll see.
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253. Ours is not a merciful God.
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254. Don't listen to her.
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255. What the hell is a locust doing in here?
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256. Boy, it's been raining
for seven days and seven nights.
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257. You don't think
your mother was right?
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258. - Shut up, Val.
- God is forgiving, Miss Fine.
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259. When I was a boy,
I once took five shillings
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260. out of the collection plate
at church for toffee.
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261. And nothing happened to you, right?
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262. That's right, absolutely nothing.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
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263. I have to go wash
other people's underwear.
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264. Miss Fine, just listen to the advance
publicity I'm getting for my show.
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265. "Maxwell Sheffield has struck gold
in newcomer Gary Isaacs."
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266. Then it goes on about Burt Bacharach
blah, blah, blah.
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267. Who cares? Who cares? Who cares?
And here at the end.
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268. "Maxwell Sheffield has assured himself
the big new hit of the season!"
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269. Well, so much for your mother
putting a whammy on us.
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270. On the contrary, it seems
God has sent us both a nice Jewish boy.
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271. You know, I was never worried.
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272. I mean, if God listened to a word Ma said,
I'd be living in a mansion
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273. with a handsome millionaire
and gorgeous kids.
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274. She forgot to say married?
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275. I'll get it, I'll get it.
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276. - Hey, Franny.
- Gary!
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277. Mr. Sheffield was just reading me
the article.
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278. No. It's already in the paper
that I'm flying off to do a movie?
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279. What movie?
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280. I'm doing a part in Evita
for Andrew Lloyd Webber.
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281. No. I— I knew it. I knew it!
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282. Andrew Lloyd Webber is God.
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283. Gary, you can't just walk out
on Mr. Sheffield
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284. without giving him
at least two weeks' notice
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285. and an engagement ring.
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286. Now, wait a minute, Miss Fine.
You know, we're behaving dreadfully.
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287. I mean, this is the opportunity
of a lifetime for Gary
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288. and we should wish him well.
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289. Maxwell, thank you. Thank you.
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290. You know, Fran, my whole life,
all I ever thought about
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291. was settling down
and getting married.
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292. And then I met you
and you changed all that.
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293. How ironic.
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294. Well, have a safe flight.
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295. You're going in this weather, I hope.
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296. Can you believe this guy?
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297. Doesn't he know how much money
has already been invested in him?
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298. I mean, musicians have been hired,
rehearsals have been scheduled.
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299. People have been working
around the clock.
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300. And that's just for my wedding.
What about your show?
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301. Don't worry, Miss Fine.
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302. Gary isn't going anywhere.
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303. He has an ironclad contract.
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304. Was that Gary I saw getting into a limo?
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305. Well, I'll have him sign his contract
at the theater tomorrow morning.
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306. No rush.
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307. Well, it seems
it's happened again, hasn't it?
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308. You see, I, I let you
get involved in my life.
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309. At the time it seemed like a good idea,
as it always does,
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310. but then it isn't!
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311. I haven't finished with you yet.
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312. But first, I have to go bludgeon C.C.
with a Tony!
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313. Fran, maybe God is getting even with you
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314. for taking the cantor
away from the temple.
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315. You mean because Mr. Sheffield
wants to kill me
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316. and now I have no boyfriend?
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317. Nah, there's nothing
out of the ordinary about that.
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318. My God, look!
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319. I missed the Loehmann's
year-end clearance sale.
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320. Why are you doing this to me?
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321. We've been exiled to Siberia.
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322. Look at them staring at us.
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323. I used to sit up there
with those vicious backstabbers.
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324. We had a ball.
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325. My God!
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326. Debbie Berkowitz got engaged?
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327. Who am I? Job?
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328. Ma, a BLT?
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329. Nobody can see us back here.
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330. I could throw a luau.
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331. Anyway, you got a little mayo
on your mouth.
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332. Darling, I can't wipe my face with a...
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333. - $500 check?
- Give me that.
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334. This is the money that I got
when I scammed the airlines.
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335. Why is God punishing me?
What was my crime?
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336. Hello.
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337. No, it's ridiculous.
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338. Donation to the temple.
Donation to the temple.
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339. Here, Rabbi, take it.
Find yourself a new cantor.
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340. God bless you, Franny.
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341. Don't tell me. Tell him!
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342. Thank you. Thank you very much.
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343. Mrs. Newman just told me
she's moving to Boca.
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344. We're first on the list for front-row
seats for the high holy days.
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345. Fine. The engagement is off!
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346. Boy, He not only works
in mysterious ways,
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347. He works like that.
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348. Darling, I'm so glad
that we're back on His good side.
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349. So am I, Ma. Let's pray.
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350. - Find her a doctor. Find her a doctor.
- Find me a doctor. Find me a doctor.
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351. - Find her a doctor. Find her a doctor.
- Find me a doctor. Find me a doctor.
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