1. Niles.Copy !req
2. Friday night, dressed to kill.Copy !req
3. Going to temple to pray for a date?Copy !req
4. Ma said they've got a new cantor,
and he's single and gorgeous.Copy !req
5. I'm hoping for a religious experience.Copy !req
6. Does anyone in your faith
ever take a vow of celibacy?Copy !req
7. Just me.Copy !req
8. But I decided that I'm taking
Maggie and Gracie with me.Copy !req
9. I think that it's important
that they learnCopy !req
10. how people of other religions pick up men.Copy !req
11. By the way, the airline called.Copy !req
12. I'm afraid
they can't locate your suitcase.Copy !req
13. It doesn't matter. That's why
you never put anything importantCopy !req
14. in the baggage that you check.Copy !req
15. Well, it's automatically insured for $500.Copy !req
16. But stupid me, had to put
that $500 watch in there!Copy !req
17. When did you get a $500 watch?Copy !req
18. Tomorrow.Copy !req
19. Well, sorry, I can't join you
and the girlsCopy !req
20. on your pilgrimage
to find single spiritual leaders,Copy !req
21. but Dad and I are gonna go see
the Padres play the Mets.Copy !req
22. All right. See you guys.Copy !req
23. All right. Well, Brighton and I are off
to see Pagliacci at the Met.Copy !req
24. Isn't it funny how people just hear
what they want to hear?Copy !req
25. Yes. One of the pitfalls of a big house.Copy !req
26. When did Brad Pitt call the house?Copy !req
27. Okay, Fran, I'm ready for temple.Copy !req
28. Honey, it's only Friday night services.
We're not fleeing Anatevka.Copy !req
29. She was working in a bridal shop
In Flushing, QueensCopy !req
30. 'Til her boyfriend kicked her out
In one of those crushing scenesCopy !req
31. What was she to do, where was she to go?
She was out on her fannyCopy !req
32. So, over the bridge from Flushing
To the Sheffield's doorCopy !req
33. She was there to sell makeup
But the father saw moreCopy !req
34. She had style, she had flair
She was thereCopy !req
35. That's how she became the NannyCopy !req
36. Who would have guessed
That the girl we describedCopy !req
37. Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed?Copy !req
38. - Now the father finds her beguiling
- Watch out, C.C.Copy !req
39. - And the kids are actually smiling
- Such joie de vivre!Copy !req
40. She's the lady in red
When everybody else is wearing tanCopy !req
41. The flashy girl from Flushing
The Nanny named FranCopy !req
42. Ma, is he hot stuff or what?Copy !req
43. Look at this. My M&M's melted in my hand.Copy !req
44. Calm down. It's in Hebrew.Copy !req
45. What, you're afraid
you'll miss something?Copy !req
46. Bravo! Bravo!Copy !req
47. All right, it's over.
May the games begin.Copy !req
48. Okay, now, honey, remember,Copy !req
49. when you see me talking to the cantor,
what are you gonna do?Copy !req
50. I'm gonna rush over and say,
"Excuse me, miss, are you Julia Roberts?"Copy !req
51. Remember, project.Copy !req
52. Fran, I'm starving.Copy !req
53. I thought you said
it was a Jewish tradition,Copy !req
54. to have Chinese food at temple.Copy !req
55. After temple, honey, after temple.Copy !req
56. Here's a ham sandwich.Copy !req
57. Don't eat it
till you get to the parking lot.Copy !req
58. And if anybody asks, it's smoked turkey.Copy !req
59. Gary, gorgeous service!Copy !req
60. Sylvia, it's always a joy
to sing the wonders of God's universe.Copy !req
61. Yeah, yeah. I want you
to meet my daughter.Copy !req
62. Ma, don't be so pushy.Copy !req
63. Hi, I'm Fran.Copy !req
64. I'm Gary, and I don't think
I've seen you here beforeCopy !req
65. because I would have remembered.Copy !req
66. Well, I've been temple shopping, you know.Copy !req
67. Nothing's really popped,Copy !req
68. but I haven't been here
since I was a kid in Sunday school.Copy !req
69. When was that, Ma? Ten years ago?Copy !req
70. Please, ten years ago,
she was baby-sitting my Rachel.Copy !req
71. You're lucky that we're in temple, Sara.Copy !req
72. So, Cantor, Gary,Copy !req
73. I work for Maxwell Sheffield,
the Broadway producer.Copy !req
74. If ever you or your wife
want to get theater tickets—Copy !req
75. I'm not married.Copy !req
76. - No!
- No!Copy !req
77. But I love the theater,
so if you'd like to come with me sometime.Copy !req
78. - Yes!
- Yes!Copy !req
79. Excuse me, miss.Copy !req
80. Yes, little girl?Copy !req
81. Are you Julia Child?Copy !req
82. 'Cause I'm always gonna be thereCopy !req
83. I'm always gonna be thereCopy !req
84. For you, girlCopy !req
85. - Bravo!
- Bravo!Copy !req
86. Bravo!Copy !req
87. What a finale?Copy !req
88. Now, that's, that is
why you get Burt Bacharach!Copy !req
89. And imagine how it'll sound
when we get someone who can sing!Copy !req
90. Like you. Boy, you're good!Copy !req
91. I hope you know the way to San Jose.Copy !req
92. Burt, this is so exciting!Copy !req
93. You know, the last person
to play that piano was Marvin Hamlisch.Copy !req
94. You're gonna do a show
with Marvin Hamlisch?Copy !req
95. - No, no, no. It was a, a social thing.
- Yeah.Copy !req
96. You had a party for Marvin?Copy !req
97. No, no, no. It wasn't a party.Copy !req
98. - It was an awards thing.
- Yeah.Copy !req
99. Marvin got another award?Copy !req
100. Miss Fine! Please, come and,
come and meet Burt Bacharach.Copy !req
101. Mr. Bacharach!Copy !req
102. Hi, I have all of your albums.Copy !req
103. My father was always so jealous of you.Copy !req
104. He wanted to be a songwriter?Copy !req
105. No. He wanted to marry Angie Dickenson.Copy !req
106. I'm sorry. Everybody,
I want you to meet Gary Isaacs.Copy !req
107. This is the new cantor at my temple.Copy !req
108. - Mr. Bacharach, I'm a big fan of yours.
- Thank you.Copy !req
109. You know, sometimes at temple
when things get too solemn,Copy !req
110. I do one of your numbers.Copy !req
111. I say a little prayer for youCopy !req
112. Forever, forever, you'll stay in my heart
And I will love youCopy !req
113. Forever, forever, we never will part
Oh, how I love youCopy !req
114. Together, together, that's how it must be
To live without youCopy !req
115. Would only mean heartbreak for meCopy !req
116. One more time.Copy !req
117. Yes. Well, that was very nice.
Thank you. Thank you so much.Copy !req
118. - Lovely. Now, run along, Nanny Fine.
- Wait a minute.Copy !req
119. I want him in the show.Copy !req
120. Run back. Run back. Run back.Copy !req
121. You're hired. Congratulations.
You're in a Broadway show.Copy !req
122. Well, thank you. I never thought
anything like this would happen to me.Copy !req
123. I— I'm just a cantor. Here.Copy !req
124. You have an agent at William Morris?Copy !req
125. I did his son's bar mitzvah.Copy !req
126. And I've got to tell you, I was smoking!Copy !req
127. Gary, I'm so excited for you.Copy !req
128. You know,
you are going to sell out every night.Copy !req
129. The women are going to love him!Copy !req
130. They're gonna line up
outside the stage doorCopy !req
131. just to slip you their numbers.Copy !req
132. You know, we don't even know
if the man can dance, really.Copy !req
133. Niles, looky here!Copy !req
134. A $500 check just fell out
of the friendly skies.Copy !req
135. Miss Fine, have you ever thought
that taking this checkCopy !req
136. might be construed as fraud?Copy !req
137. Well, I don't know,
Mr. Fourteen Dependents.Copy !req
138. And it's not easy for me to support them,
considering I'm a student.Copy !req
139. Now, would you get out of my home office?Copy !req
140. I'm going.Copy !req
141. Ma invited me and Gary to dinner tonight.Copy !req
142. She's even taking the plastic covers
off of the couch.Copy !req
143. The last time that happened,
we found her macramé string bikini.Copy !req
144. Your mother used to wear a string bikini?Copy !req
145. She still does.
You just can't see it anymore.Copy !req
146. I'm so sorry, Sylvia.Copy !req
147. You think it will stain?Copy !req
148. What, Rabbi, red wine?Copy !req
149. Please, it's a blessing.Copy !req
150. And the chewing gum that you tracked in
on the carpet will come outCopy !req
151. with the peanut butter
that you got on the chair.Copy !req
152. Rabbi, you got to try this blueberry pie.Copy !req
153. - No!
- No!Copy !req
154. This is what your mother calls
an intimate gathering?Copy !req
155. Well, you know, ever since you and I
have been going out,Copy !req
156. Ma's kind of become the Candy Spelling
of Temple Beth Shalom.Copy !req
157. I haven't seen your father.
Where is he?Copy !req
158. He's right over there.
He just dropped a fork.Copy !req
159. Hi, Daddy.Copy !req
160. You know, Gary,
once you become a big Broadway star,Copy !req
161. it'll be parties like this every night.Copy !req
162. But you better drink some coffeeCopy !req
163. because this crowd could go
till eight maybe nine o' clock.Copy !req
164. Franny, you are so adorable.Copy !req
165. Have I thanked you
for everything you've done for me?Copy !req
166. Honey, wait until I've done everything.Copy !req
167. Then you'll really have something
to be thankful for.Copy !req
168. I can't believe all the celebrities
that are here.Copy !req
169. These two, their cousins owned
Wilson's House of Suede.Copy !req
170. Don't gawk. They like
to be treated like normal people.Copy !req
171. Why don't you sing something for us?Copy !req
172. Well, I'd love to, Sylvia, but, first,
I have an announcement to make.Copy !req
173. - Gary!
- My God!Copy !req
174. Everybody, quiet, quiet.Copy !req
175. My daughter's boyfriend, the cantor,
is gonna make an announcement.Copy !req
176. Morty, take the gravy boat
away from the rabbi!Copy !req
177. My friends,Copy !req
178. I truly believe that being a cantor
was the most rewarding thing in my life.Copy !req
179. And then I met Fran.Copy !req
180. Fran, I wanna tell you something and...
I hope that you can accept,Copy !req
181. my deepest thanks
for making my dreams come true.Copy !req
182. - And?
- And?Copy !req
183. And I want you to be
the first to know that,Copy !req
184. I'm leaving the temple
to pursue a career on Broadway.Copy !req
185. He's leaving the temple?Copy !req
186. It's all Sylvia's fault!Copy !req
187. Baby, I still love youCopy !req
188. I'm just giving up toCopy !req
189. Change my mindCopy !req
190. Maybe you could change my mindCopy !req
191. If you want to stop meCopy !req
192. It's decision timeCopy !req
193. Gary, you're fabulous.Copy !req
194. I just wish I could offer you
a larger part.Copy !req
195. But, you know, you're still gonna stop
the show in the second act.Copy !req
196. - Do I get my own dressing room?
- Good. You do comedy, too.Copy !req
197. Maxwell,Copy !req
198. it's your worst nightmare!Copy !req
199. Will you stop announcing yourself?
I'll be out of a job.Copy !req
200. The lead in our show
got hit by a bus!Copy !req
201. C.C., you can't be serious!Copy !req
202. My God, this is a disaster.
We're gonna have to put on the understudy.Copy !req
203. Maxwell, aren't you going to ask
how he is?Copy !req
204. Yes, of course. You're right.
How is he?Copy !req
205. The understudy stinks!Copy !req
206. I walk awayCopy !req
207. Or we save this love tonightCopy !req
208. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?Copy !req
209. That a man just died. Life is short
and we should go upstairs and just—Copy !req
210. Hire Gary.Copy !req
211. Hire Gary?Copy !req
212. Kinky.Copy !req
213. You mean for the show.Copy !req
214. Okay, Ma, you could take off
the sunglasses.Copy !req
215. I need somebody to recognize me
from the templeCopy !req
216. so they can give me the evil eye?Copy !req
217. Ma, you can't wear a disguise.
You're not like me.Copy !req
218. You have a very distinctive voice.Copy !req
219. I'll keep them on, thank you.
I can see.Copy !req
220. Go play with your brother
and the little one.Copy !req
221. That haircut is awful on her.Copy !req
222. Ma, look, I cannot tell Mr. Sheffield
to fire Gary.Copy !req
223. I don't make his decisions,
tell him what do, run his life.Copy !req
224. We're not married.Copy !req
225. Without Gary, the temple is going under.Copy !req
226. Blockbuster Video already
is measuring the parking lot.Copy !req
227. Fran, you are looking at the star
of the new Burt Bacharach musical.Copy !req
228. Honey, that is so—Copy !req
229. I'm sorry. I rented Nell yesterday.Copy !req
230. Listen, Gary, why don't you go
get measured for your costume?Copy !req
231. Now that I'm playing the lead,
I guess my salary shoots up, too.Copy !req
232. There's that comic timing again.Copy !req
233. Mr. Sheffield, you know, I think
that you're taking a big chance with Gary.Copy !req
234. I mean, we don't even know him,
and the show is like your baby.Copy !req
235. I mean, would you trust your kidsCopy !req
236. to the first stranger
that walked off the street, again?Copy !req
237. Miss Fine, the man is a tremendous talent.Copy !req
238. He's gonna be
the biggest star on Broadway.Copy !req
239. He'll be rich and famous.Copy !req
240. You know, Ma, temples we got.Copy !req
241. But a Blockbuster in the neighborhood
could be a blessing.Copy !req
242. Listen, you two, I want my cantor back.Copy !req
243. My friends have disowned me.
My life is over.Copy !req
244. I want to die!Copy !req
245. Does this have almond extract?Copy !req
246. Well, I'm sorry, Sylvia, but he's my star
and I want him in my show.Copy !req
247. I have a contract.Copy !req
248. Ma, you're just gonna have
to accept this like a grownup.Copy !req
249. Besides, it's two against one.Copy !req
250. It's not two against one.Copy !req
251. I have a higher power on my side.Copy !req
252. You'll see.Copy !req
253. Ours is not a merciful God.Copy !req
254. Don't listen to her.Copy !req
255. What the hell is a locust doing in here?Copy !req
256. Boy, it's been raining
for seven days and seven nights.Copy !req
257. You don't think
your mother was right?Copy !req
258. - Shut up, Val.
- God is forgiving, Miss Fine.Copy !req
259. When I was a boy,
I once took five shillingsCopy !req
260. out of the collection plate
at church for toffee.Copy !req
261. And nothing happened to you, right?Copy !req
262. That's right, absolutely nothing.
Now, if you'll excuse me,Copy !req
263. I have to go wash
other people's underwear.Copy !req
264. Miss Fine, just listen to the advance
publicity I'm getting for my show.Copy !req
265. "Maxwell Sheffield has struck gold
in newcomer Gary Isaacs."Copy !req
266. Then it goes on about Burt Bacharach
blah, blah, blah.Copy !req
267. Who cares? Who cares? Who cares?
And here at the end.Copy !req
268. "Maxwell Sheffield has assured himself
the big new hit of the season!"Copy !req
269. Well, so much for your mother
putting a whammy on us.Copy !req
270. On the contrary, it seems
God has sent us both a nice Jewish boy.Copy !req
271. You know, I was never worried.Copy !req
272. I mean, if God listened to a word Ma said,
I'd be living in a mansionCopy !req
273. with a handsome millionaire
and gorgeous kids.Copy !req
274. She forgot to say married?Copy !req
275. I'll get it, I'll get it.Copy !req
276. - Hey, Franny.
- Gary!Copy !req
277. Mr. Sheffield was just reading me
the article.Copy !req
278. No. It's already in the paper
that I'm flying off to do a movie?Copy !req
279. What movie?Copy !req
280. I'm doing a part in Evita
for Andrew Lloyd Webber.Copy !req
281. No. I— I knew it. I knew it!Copy !req
282. Andrew Lloyd Webber is God.Copy !req
283. Gary, you can't just walk out
on Mr. SheffieldCopy !req
284. without giving him
at least two weeks' noticeCopy !req
285. and an engagement ring.Copy !req
286. Now, wait a minute, Miss Fine.
You know, we're behaving dreadfully.Copy !req
287. I mean, this is the opportunity
of a lifetime for GaryCopy !req
288. and we should wish him well.Copy !req
289. Maxwell, thank you. Thank you.Copy !req
290. You know, Fran, my whole life,
all I ever thought aboutCopy !req
291. was settling down
and getting married.Copy !req
292. And then I met you
and you changed all that.Copy !req
293. How ironic.Copy !req
294. Well, have a safe flight.Copy !req
295. You're going in this weather, I hope.Copy !req
296. Can you believe this guy?Copy !req
297. Doesn't he know how much money
has already been invested in him?Copy !req
298. I mean, musicians have been hired,
rehearsals have been scheduled.Copy !req
299. People have been working
around the clock.Copy !req
300. And that's just for my wedding.
What about your show?Copy !req
301. Don't worry, Miss Fine.Copy !req
302. Gary isn't going anywhere.Copy !req
303. He has an ironclad contract.Copy !req
304. Was that Gary I saw getting into a limo?Copy !req
305. Well, I'll have him sign his contract
at the theater tomorrow morning.Copy !req
306. No rush.Copy !req
307. Well, it seems
it's happened again, hasn't it?Copy !req
308. You see, I, I let you
get involved in my life.Copy !req
309. At the time it seemed like a good idea,
as it always does,Copy !req
310. but then it isn't!Copy !req
311. I haven't finished with you yet.Copy !req
312. But first, I have to go bludgeon C.C.
with a Tony!Copy !req
313. Fran, maybe God is getting even with youCopy !req
314. for taking the cantor
away from the temple.Copy !req
315. You mean because Mr. Sheffield
wants to kill meCopy !req
316. and now I have no boyfriend?Copy !req
317. Nah, there's nothing
out of the ordinary about that.Copy !req
318. My God, look!Copy !req
319. I missed the Loehmann's
year-end clearance sale.Copy !req
320. Why are you doing this to me?Copy !req
321. We've been exiled to Siberia.Copy !req
322. Look at them staring at us.Copy !req
323. I used to sit up there
with those vicious backstabbers.Copy !req
324. We had a ball.Copy !req
325. My God!Copy !req
326. Debbie Berkowitz got engaged?Copy !req
327. Who am I? Job?Copy !req
328. Ma, a BLT?Copy !req
329. Nobody can see us back here.Copy !req
330. I could throw a luau.Copy !req
331. Anyway, you got a little mayo
on your mouth.Copy !req
332. Darling, I can't wipe my face with a...Copy !req
333. - $500 check?
- Give me that.Copy !req
334. This is the money that I got
when I scammed the airlines.Copy !req
335. Why is God punishing me?
What was my crime?Copy !req
336. Hello.Copy !req
337. No, it's ridiculous.Copy !req
338. Donation to the temple.
Donation to the temple.Copy !req
339. Here, Rabbi, take it.
Find yourself a new cantor.Copy !req
340. God bless you, Franny.Copy !req
341. Don't tell me. Tell him!Copy !req
342. Thank you. Thank you very much.Copy !req
343. Mrs. Newman just told me
she's moving to Boca.Copy !req
344. We're first on the list for front-row
seats for the high holy days.Copy !req
345. Fine. The engagement is off!Copy !req
346. Boy, He not only works
in mysterious ways,Copy !req
347. He works like that.Copy !req
348. Darling, I'm so glad
that we're back on His good side.Copy !req
349. So am I, Ma. Let's pray.Copy !req
350. - Find her a doctor. Find her a doctor.
- Find me a doctor. Find me a doctor.Copy !req
351. - Find her a doctor. Find her a doctor.
- Find me a doctor. Find me a doctor.Copy !req