The Nanny 3x20

Directed by Dorothy Lyman

Ann Morgan Guilbert as Yetta Rosenberg • Steve Blackwood as Doctor • Rosie O'Donnell as Cozette • Elizabeth Taylor as Herself • Tory Christopher as E.R. Doctor

Fran loses both her memory and Elizabeth Taylor's priceless pearl necklace in an accident.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. This is for you.

2. Your old modelling agency is having a reunion.

3. Look at that. Boy, you know,

4. I don't know how I ever lasted as a model.

5. I mean, every week,

6. piling on all that hair and makeup...

7. squishing into those tight clothes.

8. I'll tell you, I don't miss it at all.

9. - Yeah, that's Ma. - How do you know?

10. Pie's done.

11. - Hello. - Fran, I'm so upset.

12. I don't even know, how I got here.

13. Well, I see some Ray's pizza sauce.

14. Some sauerkraut, and some sprinkles from Baskin n Robbins.

15. I'd say you took the subway to 59th Street and walked Lexington Avenue.

16. Go ahead. Make fun.

17. Meanwhile, my life is over.

18. Your father is not attracted to me anymore.

19. I even tried surprising him at the door, naked.

20. - Ma, you didn't. - I did.

21. Meanwhile, you will never see another Jehovah's Witness

22. in my building again.

23. Ma, why don't you just relax? I'm sure, it's just a phase.

24. Honey, we haven't had relations in two whole weeks.

25. - Two weeks? - Two weeks?

26. - Please, tell it to someone who cares. - I'm crying bitter tears over here.

27. So, I've decided to have some cosmetic surgery.

28. I'm having my arms done.

29. Look at this.

30. It's, it's just like tapioca pudding.

31. Ma, that is tapioca pudding.

32. She was working in a bridal shop In Flushing, Queens

33. 'Til her boyfriend kicked her out In one of those crushing scenes

34. What was she to do, where was she to go? She was out on her fanny

35. So, over the bridge from Flushing To the Sheffields' door

36. She was there to sell makeup But the father saw more

37. She had style, she had flair She was there

38. That's how she became the Nanny

39. Who would have guessed That the girl we described

40. Was just exactly What the doctor prescribed?

41. - Now the father finds her beguiling - Watch out, C.C.

42. - And the kids are actually smiling - Such joie de vivre!

43. She's the lady in red When everybody else is wearing tan

44. The flashy girl from Flushing The Nanny named Fran

45. Well, you know what, Ma?

46. Not many people would trust a plastic surgeon

47. whose office is between Miller's Outpost and Hickory Farms.

48. This doctor did Aunt Ceil, and I think, she looks like a work of art.

49. Yeah, Ma, a Picasso.

50. Fran, I'm gonna go pick up something at Brooks Brothers.

51. Why? What do you need there?

52. The tie salesman.

53. I'll tell you, if I died tomorrow,

54. I'd feel like, I accomplished something.

55. I'll meet you at the shoe store. I'm gonna go cruise the chicks at the Limited.

56. Okay. B, wait a minute, wait a minute.

57. Your wallet's sticking out. All your cash is showing.

58. No, that's right. That's the one they tell me to take a hike.

59. I want it to hurt real bad.

60. You wanna go with your sister or your brother?

61. No. I love a doctor's office.

62. The smell, the magazines, the drama! It makes me feel so alive.

63. Isn't she adorable?

64. The kid is weird.

65. Ladies.

66. I'm Dr. Roberts.

67. Now, who's the patient?

68. I like him already.

69. How old do you think, I am?

70. Well, I don't know. Well, 55?

71. I'm 50.

72. That's because I can't go to me.

73. Doctor, can you make me look like this?

74. Linda Evangelista, Ma? He's not Dr. Bombay.

75. Ladies, nothing is impossible.

76. You have insurance, right?

77. - Own your own home? - Now, Ma,

78. don't get carried away. He's gonna try and talk you into a bunch

79. of stuff you really don't need. Now, you're a beautiful woman.

80. I hope, when I'm you're age, I look like you.

81. You will.

82. - What do you mean? - Aging is determined by your genes.

83. Look at the bone structure, look at the jaw,

84. look at the eyes, the lips.

85. Behold, the future.

86. Can't something be done?

87. Calm down. That's what I'm here for,

88. to prevent the inevitable.

89. Chocolate?

90. Enjoy it today. We can suck it out tomorrow.

91. Fran, you gotta read this.

92. Do you know what happens when you get as old as you?

93. You lose your tolerance for little children?

94. No. Your feet get bigger.

95. Actually, everything keeps growing, your nose, your ears, your feet.

96. And your tush, it grows like a weed.

97. Yeah. But you can't control that. That's glandular.

98. There's nothing you can do about glands. You cannot help that.

99. - Have another chocolate. - Thank you.

100. These are gorgeous.

101. I can't afford 'em

102. Fran, you know, we wear the same size.

103. I can put these on Dad's charge for me, and you could borrow them.

104. Don't tell the others, but you're my favorite.

105. Fran, my feet grew a whole size!

106. Remember what that doctor said?

107. I'm getting old.

108. I'm turning into your mother!

109. Sweetie, relax.

110. Let's talk about it. I'm here for you.

111. Get me these in a seven.

112. Gracie, getting older can be very exciting.

113. I mean, change and growth

114. could be something to look forward to.

115. They're too small. You need an eight.

116. I don't think so.

117. Miss...

118. They're fine, very comfy, like slippers.

119. Niles, you don't know how lucky you are.

120. And, look, you still got such nice small feet.

121. Say, you know what that means, don't ya?

122. Never mind.

123. In England, we go by the hands.

124. What you doing, honey?

125. Looking at pictures of myself when I was young.

126. Look at how tight my skin was. Nothing sagged.

127. I don't know. Those diapers look like, they're hanging pretty low.

128. Fran, I don't want to get older.

129. What are you complaining about?

130. I'm the one with the size-eight foot in the grave.

131. Fran, are you a lot older than me?

132. Well, let's put it this way.

133. When you're 20, I'll be 40.

134. When you're 30, I'll be 40.

135. And when you're 40, you'll understand why I'm still 40.

136. It's the new math. Learn it.

137. Miss Fine, did you get shorter?

138. No, I'm aging, and now I'm shrinking? You know, it's genetic, too.

139. I had a great-aunt that would come in through the doggy door.

140. Wait. Look, I'm wearing my slippers.

141. My feet were killing me.

142. Some stupid salesman sold me a pair of shoes that must have been mis-marked.

143. Maybe your feet have gotten bigger.

144. You know, when you get older, they tend to—

145. I don't think so.

146. Fortunately, the Babcock women age gracefully.

147. Well, you've always been a rebel.

148. Miss Fine, everyone's looks fade eventually.

149. It's— It's what's inside a person that really matters.

150. What kind of a bizarre world are you living in?

151. With age comes wisdom.

152. Yeah. And for a man, wisdom and a 20-year-old bimbo.

153. Well, he didn't say life was fair.

154. I am serious. My foot went up a whole size.

155. And Ma's doctor said that as you get older,

156. your appendages keep growing.

157. More good news for men.

158. Why are women so vain?

159. I guess you're right.

160. I mean, look, you're not the least bit concerned

161. about that little bald spot right there on the back of your head.

162. What?

163. Well, you know, it's nothing. Nothing. Just—

164. Well, when you go out in the sun,

165. you might want to smear a little Coppertone on it. That's all.

166. Stop! Get me a mirror. Quick, quick. Get a mirror!

167. Would you relax? Wasn't it you that just said,

168. "It's what's inside that counts?"

169. I was talking about you. Not me!

170. Do, do you know, why I'm successful? I mean, anyone can throw on a revival,

171. drag out some old musical, but people want to do business with me

172. because I'm, well, cute.

173. Big bushy hair, English accent.

174. I'm a one-man, mop-top British Invasion.

175. Down, Ringo.

176. Meanwhile, I'm the one that's got to go to the big modeling reunion

177. with these clodhoppers.

178. Miss Fine, come on, you're a beautiful woman.

179. No one's gonna be looking at your feet.

180. Yeah? I was a foot model.

181. I haven't seen these girls in 10 years.

182. I don't want them to see how time has ravaged me.

183. I mean, we are talking about mean, backstabbing, vicious women.

184. Then why are you going?

185. 'Cause they're my friends.

186. Mr. Sheffield, I am so thankful

187. that you insisted on bringing me to this reunion.

188. Anyway, that's the story if anyone asks.

189. Look, that's me.

190. My goodness! Miss Fine, I had no idea, you were in that commercial

191. where the women played basketball in heels.

192. Yeah. Although, after eight hours on that court,

193. they may have looked like a pump, but they stunk like a sneaker.

194. So, are you a little more relaxed now?

195. You know, you are by far the most beautiful woman in the room.

196. How sweet.

197. Good reading. A little louder. Nobody heard ya...

198. Ladies, can we all get together for a group shot?

199. Hide me. Hide me. I don't want to take any pictures.

200. Fran, you look gorgeous. You haven't changed a bit.

201. Girls, girls. Pictures, pictures. Come on.

202. Okay, ladies, lift those dresses.

203. Let's see some feet.

204. What?

205. No!

206. No. No. No. No.

207. Miss Fine. Miss Fine. Wake up.

208. Were you having that Streisand's retiring dream again?

209. No, I— And don't even say that. It puts it out there.

210. Miss Fine, you're shaking. Calm down.

211. I dreamt about the reunion. I went, as planned.

212. I looked gorgeous, as planned.

213. I was even five pounds thinner,

214. just a little bonus from my subconscious.

215. Then I looked down at my feet and they were huge.

216. Miss Fine, your feet are beautiful.

217. You are beautiful.

218. Mr. Sheffield, Huh?

219. Miss Fine, the children all have plans for this evening.

220. You're telling me this because—

221. Which, which leaves you and me free.

222. To?

223. Fran. Fran. Fran.

224. Fran. Fran.

225. Fran.

226. No. Ma!

227. Go away. I've got to get back to sleep.

228. Fran, this is very important.

229. Ma, believe me, this is both our dreams coming true.

230. Go away.

231. Fran, wake up. I have wonderful news.

232. I'm not having my arms done.

233. I've decided to grow old gracefully, with dignity and honor.

234. Insurance didn't cover it?

235. No.

236. Daddy's policy doesn't cover elective surgery.

237. I have to be in our home

238. and run over by farm equipment.

239. You know, Ma, I'd love to sit here and talk to you all day,

240. but I've got something very important

241. that I've got to finish. Good night.

242. Niles, that bloody drain in my bathrooms all stopped up again.

243. Isn't it your job to keep it clean?

244. Sir, I don't think of it as just a job.

245. It's more like a calling.

246. Well, how about calling a bloody plumber to find out what's clogging it?

247. What do you think, is clogging it, sir?

248. Just off the top of your head?

249. - I am not losing my hair! - Of course not, sir.

250. It's thick and luxurious

251. and does that great flippy thing in the front.

252. Can it, Niles. I'm not in the mood for cheap flattery.

253. I'm sorry, sir. I was just thinking that it's looking like Pierce Brosnan's.

254. Really?

255. You know what, a couple of people have told me that.

256. Because, you know, I think Miss Fine made it up that your hair is thinning

257. because you weren't sympathetic to her problem.

258. That's because she doesn't have a bloody problem!

259. Look, Niles, she's a young, beautiful woman.

260. What do I have to do to convince her she's desirable?

261. Sir, I'm sure, you'll think of something.

262. I mean, after all, you're a man, she's a woman.

263. Fill in the blanks.

264. The children are at school.

265. She's lying on the sofa.

266. And if all else fails,

267. what would Pierce Brosnan do?

268. Miss Fine, Miss Fine wake up.

269. Good. It worked. I'm back.

270. Miss Fine,

271. did you pick up my blue suit from the cleaners?

272. Mr. Sheffield, I'm sorry.

273. I— I don't usually sleep during the day.

274. Well, yeah, I do, but you don't usually catch me.

275. Miss Fine, I don't know, what you're so upset

276. about this reunion for. I mean,

277. you have absolutely nothing to worry about.

278. Now, your feet are beautiful.

279. You are beautiful.

280. Mr. Sheffield, Huh?

281. You know, the children all have plans for this evening.

282. Oh my God!

283. Wait a minute.

284. Okay. Go ahead.

285. Well, I just thought, with the house empty,

286. that would leave you and me free to...

287. To?

288. To go to the reunion together.

289. The reunion?

290. That's not the way it went. Go back! Go back!

291. - Fran. Fran. - Not that far. Not that far.

292. It's a beautiful night, isn't it?

293. I'm so glad we didn't go right in.

294. Mr. Sheffield, thank you so much for taking me to the reunion.

295. I had a fabulous time.

296. I did, too.

297. Did you know all your girlfriends are under the impression

298. that I was your husband?

299. Gee, I wonder, what kind of a nut would spread a rumor like that?

300. Isn't it amazing, how old everybody looked?

301. And yet I look exactly the same.

302. I know, what you mean. You know, every morning when I look in the mirror,

303. I still see the face of a man in his 20s.

304. That's funny.

305. Every morning when I look in the mirror,

306. I hope to see the face of a man in his 20s.

307. Let's face it, Miss Fine, age is irrelevant.

308. It's just a state of mind.

309. Absolutely. It's how young you feel, that counts.

310. Maxwell!

311. - C.C., what on earth— - What?

312. I, I wasn't waiting up to see what time you two got home.

313. I, I just stopped by...

314. - after the... - Theater.

315. Thea— Yes.

316. - Where I saw— - Victor/Victoria.

317. Right.

318. Well, I have to run. I have a date.

319. I hope, it's in the Village.

320. Hello, sweetheart, what are you doing still up?

321. I can't sleep. I'm obsessing about getting old and dying.

322. Sweetie, that's not gonna happen for a very long time.

323. Not me. You.

324. Me? Honey.

325. I'm not going anywhere

326. until I've got a house in Great Neck, a couple of kids,

327. and a husband waiting outside the Loehmann's dressing room.

328. See, sweetheart? She'll be here forever.